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 Aradia96
Joined: 10/25/2014
Msg: 21
First date but physical attraction lacking?Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
That was a good post norwegianguy123, kudos to you.

I can understand what you mean by the "is if you're desiring on some level to engage physically with them". That is a pretty clear cut description of it in my opinion.

I do have a little trouble with the chemistry thing, I get unsure whether I'm feeling it or not. Like during my date with the last man I met, I kind of wanted to escape from the date at one point, wasn't really feeling it?
It's weird, I think I may get scared off kind of easily in social situations. I'm both shy but not shy, in the sense that I don't seem shy but internally I'm like, what am I doing, this is hard and awkward

So I suppose the chemistry bit is more complicated and possible blockers in physical attraction - wanting to engage physically.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 22
First date but physical attraction lacking?
Posted: 2/26/2015 11:55:28 AM

I can understand what you mean by the "is if you're desiring on some level to engage physically with them". That is a pretty clear cut description of it in my opinion.

Yeah. I think some people will say, "Yeah, but I don't find Betty/John all that cute though." OK, fine. You don't have to find someone all that cute to be at least physically attracted to them. The opp-sex, by default, is going to be physically attractive on Some level -- we're made to breed. That's why a few beers will make someone's social/reputation blockades lessen up. :)

I do have a little trouble with the chemistry thing, I get unsure whether I'm feeling it or not.

You're too worried/thinking about it too much. A meetup/date isn't an event to decide to go steady (ie be an item). :) Relax more. Many times, we ourselves prevent chemistry.

I met more than one gal, for the First Time, more than once. For the First Time on two separate occasions, same girl.

Girl A: 1st engagement: I played wingman -- NO "chemistry". Anti-chemistry. 2nd engagement months later: A date from online after talking to this 'stranger'. She was as warm as a heater in winter, purring like a kitten. Didn't realize it was the same gal until nearing the end of the date.

Girl B: 1st engagement: Introduced as bars were closing, as she was a friend of a group of acquaintances/friends, and she physically pushed/shoved me out of the way, scoffing. 2nd engagement 1.5 years later: Introduced to her among group of friends going out; she doesn't ever remember meeting me. We chat on and off a bit; she passively tries to set me up with another gal who's in that group. That wanes, and she starts kissing me out of nowhere when outside.

I didn't look different in any of those situations. All were single during those times. One's mood/perspective can ruin things... not just to prevent what could be chemistry, but to produce Anti-chemistry, too.
 Aradia96
Joined: 10/25/2014
Msg: 23
First date but physical attraction lacking?
Posted: 3/2/2015 5:36:24 AM
Anti-chemistry, that's a new one.

Well I'm pretty easy to get along with in person. As long as the other person isn't really closed and awkward. I try pretty hard
to make them comfortable. It works well.

I've only ever had 2 first dates with different men.
Guy A: 1st engagement - was shocked at his appearance but he seemed nice. Warm person but also kind of horny (was 16 at the time). Was pretty much the same during our whole relationship, except I noticed his tics and social anxiety + weird behaviors more. He is a bit of a klutz, walks into me a lot and things like this
Guy B: 1st engagement - Way more physical stuff than guy A. We met at my house then went off and had pizza. We held hands and he was pretty touchy feely. I didn't have a problem with it, except for the making out which I was so obviously not into >.>. It probably went further than it should of. It struck me as a red flag that he is only interested in sex - pretty true.
I think had I of met him again, he would of been exactly the same, except expected more sexually.
I did like his hands though, he had nice hands.
So I suppose I did have chemistry - perhaps more in the 2nd case. I don't know...not sure if it is me or them or what..
 mrgorton
Joined: 3/20/2014
Msg: 24
First date but physical attraction lacking?
Posted: 3/2/2015 9:53:19 PM
This is interesting topic.. I met a girl had date and I was not that attracted to her but there was something there at first although I thought she was not bad. After we started a relationship the attraction grew as time went on. So, maybe you should give it a chance. I think if there is at least some attraction, that could build up. You can't know, perhaps the sex will be incredible. On the other hand, there is nothing like seeing a totally hot woman and then being able to have her.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 25
First date but physical attraction lacking?
Posted: 3/2/2015 10:19:32 PM

Anti-chemistry, that's a new one.

Yep... Just like the concept of being "turned on". Just because you're not "turned on" by someone/something, doesn't mean you're "turned off". Anti-chemistry is being "turned off" by them in the chemistry dept. Extreme Example: The guy could be cute, cool, etc -- then he says "Yeah, a woman belongs in the kitchen. I mean, I don't try to hurt girls... but if she leaves the house without asking permission, I'll let her have it!" = Anti-Chemistry, not just merely chemistry not being there. :)

I met a girl had date and I was not that attracted to her but there was something there at first although I thought she was not bad.

Good example of no anti-attraction, or feeling any explicit attraction. In the "neutral zone". There's some physical attraction (she's female, not bad looking) to build from....

So, maybe you should give it a chance. I think if there is at least some attraction, that could build up.

Could be, but I would say it depends on the circumstances. If two people otherwise seem like each other's type, and there's -some- attraction, but nothing on the physical attraction side Drawing person A to person B -- while also person A not juggling any better catches out there, sure (unless person B still insists on a chance). I think person A should look at themselves and their track record for a while -- and see how they respond/roll with those who they aren't that physically attracted to in the beginning. Do they end up being fully Attracted to them in the somewhat near future? When they have, did it rely on the guy waiting/chasing/biding-time/etc? If the latter, bad idea, as that shouldn't be expected of anyone and is only asking for drama (unless you Know said guy is more than willing to).
 PrettyBr0wneyed1
Joined: 8/29/2013
Msg: 26
First date but physical attraction lacking?
Posted: 3/8/2015 2:11:30 PM
You can't force natural attraction, chemistry is either there or it's not. I went on a date last night and the man was very nice, but there was no chemistry between he nor I. He was nice, a bit awkward, but that could have been due to initial meeting, but every situation is not meant to grow into anything. There is nothing wrong with you, nor her, chemistry either is there or it's not.
 mrgorton
Joined: 3/20/2014
Msg: 27
First date but physical attraction lacking?
Posted: 3/8/2015 3:56:00 PM
For most guys physical chemistry is when you meet, you look at the girl and if you feel like tearing who clothes off and making mad passionate love all night there is chemistry. If not, then there isn't.

Of course I am not like that, for me it's all in the personality and body language :-)
 PrettyBr0wneyed1
Joined: 8/29/2013
Msg: 28
First date but physical attraction lacking?
Posted: 3/8/2015 5:22:30 PM

For most guys physical chemistry is when you meet, you look at the girl and if you feel like tearing who clothes off and making mad passionate love all night there is chemistry. If not, then there isn't.

Of course I am not like that, for me it's all in the personality and body language :-)


See now you just confused things with the "of course, I'm not like that". lol.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 29
First date but physical attraction lacking?
Posted: 3/8/2015 7:43:56 PM

You can't force natural attraction, chemistry is either there or it's not.

Force it on-the-spot? Pretty much, no. But it can be manipulated/changed by someone.

He was nice, a bit awkward, but that could have been due to initial meeting, but every situation is not meant to grow into anything.

Chemistry is a lot about physical attraction and also "clicking" with each other thru convo. Many times when one is Not attracted to the other, whether it be by raw looks or a certain vibe they get on what type of person they are that turns them off (while not having the raw looks to make up for it) -- that "clicking" is usually going to be hampered and fall short, at least.

But if it's truly just some "unexplainable" "no chemistry" -- then one could take the guy, set him aside, give him some lessons in this and that about engaging with the opp-sex, etc... and say, months later you forgot you met the guy (let's say you met him IRL at a bar or something for a short bit) -- you could end up feeling "chemistry", even though he doesn't really look any different.

It's not going to be able to work if the person is Not physically attracted to them, of course. Ya can't force that without putting them on a longterm diet/exercise program.
 Literate_Hiker
Joined: 1/1/2015
Msg: 30
First date but physical attraction lacking?
Posted: 3/8/2015 7:55:09 PM
Most first meets have been disappointing. "Kathleen!" I hear. Turning, I recognize NO ONE. My hot date has suddenly lost all his hair, aged 10 years and gained 60 lbs. As if I wouldn't notice.

Naturally they are highly attracted to me. I'm a physically fit woman. The feeling is not mutual.

With my last boyfriend our physical attraction was palpable. "I know I shouldn't date a Democrat," he said. "Oh dear, I shouldn't date a gun-loving Republican," I replied.

Then he gave me a polite goodbye kiss. He gave me a look. "Do you want a REAL kiss?" he asked. "Yes, please," I said. He gave me a lingering French kiss that warmed my whole body. It was a cold evening.

I walked to my car, turned and ran back to him, plastering my body against his. "You're nice and warm," I said, to cover. I wasn't fooling anyone. We both knew.

Later the sex was deliciously mind-blowing and great for both of us. Chemistry, indeed. I'd like more of that. Garcon?
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 31
First date but physical attraction lacking?
Posted: 3/8/2015 10:17:05 PM

Most first meets have been disappointing. "Kathleen!" I hear. Turning, I recognize NO ONE.

Well, you would have heard "Literate Hiker!" if he was calling for you. And that would also making others in the room who hike feel insulted, as the guy's acting as if spotting a hiker who's literate is like spotting Bigfoot.

My hot date has suddenly lost all his hair, aged 10 years and gained 60 lbs.

Yeah, he went on some long, crazy hike in a wheelchair for months, eating mayo sandwiches -- just to get to that date! Ya gotta give him credit for all the effort he put into it...

Naturally they are highly attracted to me. I'm a physically fit woman. The feeling is not mutual.

I think they call that "chemistry". So you have to be P.C. about it! You don't want anyone thinking you're into looks! It's "unexplainable chemistry".... ;)

With my last boyfriend our physical attraction was palpable. "I know I shouldn't date a Democrat," he said. "Oh dear, I shouldn't date a gun-loving Republican," I replied. ... He gave me a lingering French kiss that warmed my whole body. It was a cold evening. ... Later the sex was deliciously mind-blowing and great for both of us. Chemistry, indeed. I'd like more of that. Garcon?

Was that a first date? And also, I don't think you minding being a gun lover (in reference to his own 'gun') that night! It's crazy what 'chemistry' can do sometimes...
 Literate_Hiker
Joined: 1/1/2015
Msg: 32
First date but physical attraction lacking?
Posted: 3/8/2015 10:59:04 PM

norwegianguy123: Was that a first date? And also, I don't think you minding being a gun lover (in reference to his own 'gun') that night! It's crazy what 'chemistry' can do sometimes...

Nope. It wasn't the first date. I insisted on getting to know him better. I said we have to go on at least three dates first.

"Does this count as two dates?" he asked when we went on a hike followed by a musical that evening. HA! "Nice try," I replied.

Well, you would have heard "Literate Hiker!" if he was calling for you. And that would also making others in the room who hike feel insulted, as the guy's acting as if spotting a hiker who's literate is like spotting Bigfoot.

You silly guy! My name is Kathleen. There are plenty of well educated, articulate, literate people who love hiking, especially in Western Washington. We're not all rednecks in Washington State, my friend.
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 33
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History
First date but physical attraction lacking?
Posted: 3/13/2015 11:32:36 PM

With this girl there is sooo much going for us already, but for me, just that attraction is missing. If there is so many positives with us, one negative, despite how serious, should be fixable. I am going to see her again and I am going to try to be objective.


I think it shows a lot of maturity and openness on your part to give her a second chance. I wish a woman I went on a date with last month had done the same for me. This was not just an ordinary first date. She and I had the most pre-date correspondence that I ever had with anyone. I'm talking hundreds of messages on the dating site (not POF), countless texts and several hours-long phone conversations. It seemed like the date itself would just be a formality. We were hitting it off so well that I could already picture us as a couple. The date even felt like a continuation of our phone coversations until I walked her back to her place and her demeanor totally changed. The next day I got an e-mail about there not being any chemistry. I felt so blindsided by the whole thing. Knowing that we had gotten along so well and everything else seemed to fit, why would she be so quick to dismiss all of it after one date? It was a freezing night in February and I'm sure I didn't look my best in a blustery wind as I met her on the street. I'm not saying that every failed first date should warrant a second look but I think sometimes people can be too quick to eliminate someone on 'chemistry' when there are so many other positives.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 34
First date but physical attraction lacking?
Posted: 3/14/2015 6:45:27 AM
Let's put an end to this need looks for love thing. BOTH are just simple decisions your brain makes. But these are 2 entirely different parts of your brain, for two entirely different reasons.

The reason we look for attraction is 1 of 2 reasons and nothing more. We're not looking for the hottest person in the world, we're actually looking for the most average person in the world. We're looking for a mate for nothing more than strong offspring. But some of us are also looking for status.

Love is completely different. This is driven by our need for companionship. When it comes to this, we're not looking at it sexually, we're looking for someone the most like us. Looks don't matter here. You actually tend to put 0 thought into looks on this topic. But it IS common that this will lead to a physical attraction. It kind of forces that other part of your brain to start seeing your companion as your mate.

What's happening today is that so many people are confusing horny for love. Just because you want to have sex with someone, it doesn't mean you want to spend your life with them. It seems like most people aren't looking for the person they want to marry and grow old with, they're looking for the person their friends will be jealous they get to have sex with.
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 35
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History
First date but physical attraction lacking?
Posted: 3/14/2015 1:10:22 PM

Just because you want to have sex with someone, it doesn't mean you want to spend your life with them. It seems like most people aren't looking for the person they want to marry and grow old with, they're looking for the person their friends will be jealous they get to have sex with.


100% agree. Our society right now is probably the most looks-obsessed and looks-driven since the ancient Greeks. It's bad enough that people can't stop staring at their own reflection which we now call the "selfie." The very concept of Tinder makes me gag thinking about people mindlessly swiping headshots all day without knowing anything else about who they're looking at on there. We're devaluing important criteria like compatibility, shared interests, and mutual goals. Those are the things that lead to long-lasting relationships.
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