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 AUTHOR
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 276
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Blue Garden Page 12 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
In the garden
Everything green
Wants to live

I pick and choose
What are weeds
I water the rest

In the garden
The song birds sing
Hush and listen

In the morning
The dew will be
Glistening

Yes the grass
Cool grass under
My feet

In the garden
I drift off to sleep
I am alive

Breathe deep
Love sleeps
Dreaming

My spirit is here
I find her there
She is free

In the garden
There are moments
That can save you

An eternity with
One memory
As you sleep

Oh I see you
In the garden
of Blue

How I miss you
There I know
You are happy

In the garden
Forever garden
Beautiful garden
of blue.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 277
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History
Prayers for Jessie
Posted: 7/24/2017 9:19:49 AM
Sweet soft whispers yet you wear those sullen eyes
I wipe off the tears and try to help you discard the fear
Yet I know and realize how close to death the reaper be
He wears no disguise, none are foolish that see.

No he didn't come to you suddenly you have suffered brave
We witnessed your first battle and you beat the grave
Now I whisper just so softly hoping gentle words will help you sleep
as I pray to legions of angels may your life have longevity

Time to us and time to God it can not be explained
What we have made a ticking clock to him is unnecessary
He needs me here even if I don't know why He has a plan for me
That's the only reason I live and breathe because of this destiny

What seems short and a life that was taken far to soon
Is perfect in God's light as in the stars the sun and the moon
He knows our purpose here and I believe that we live until
His every design that he created us for in his mind is fulfilled

So I plead with him I beg him to spare my young daughter's life
I ask him God please take away her pain her sickness and her strife
Yet only He knows the reason when all reason fails for me
I just hope he hears my pleading prayers and hope for eternity.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 278
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Buttercup
Posted: 7/24/2017 9:43:58 AM
You ****ed me over with your opinions
Made me doubt my decisions
You always had something to say
It was rarely nice
In front of your friends you're a darling
You get close to them without warning
They don't catch those snide eyes
Opening wide when you get the juice
The ones you use
Yes, you are so happy when they fill your cup
You suck that up and you're fed
Then you go to the next one led
It all gets said. You have no secrets
But your own. Never discreet
Unless it's you. Alone.

You ****ed me over good cause I knew
You know I know and it's all true
There is a lot you don't want me to say
None of it is nice
Some day maybe I could call those friends
The ones you rant at til the bitter end
They may catch a glimpse or wince
Words that reveal more or less since
You try so hard
Yes, you are so twisted when they empty that cup
You are drained rearranged tired
You can't come back to me I've retired
Never again. I'm not your gossip trash
You get giddy when you thrash my good name
But it's yours too.

Think about it.
Use your search engine
Fire it up
You may find
You don't even have a cup.
Half full, no it's empty
So suck it up
Buttercup!
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 279
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History
Things
Posted: 7/30/2017 8:47:14 AM
Quietly observing no things will be taken from you
You will simply give it away not knowing it's value.
You have already spent everything and nothing you could bank
Time spent wanting instead of giving or wanting to give thanks
I see in you that quiet desperation of wanting all those gifts
Entitlement wishing and waiting for the next thing to get
Maybe not maybe just a very sad way for you to feel validated
More and more, yet you fret
It's not so much about wants. You need it to feel love
Alienated from your Dad you sat by a window waiting for him
A car that never comes.. you grow wearing feeling sick
You have your best dress on and a little blush and lipstick
Sweet filly dress and patent leather shoes but a car that will never come
So you fill your life with things so you won't become undone.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 280
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Three Lovers
Posted: 8/1/2017 7:33:21 AM
The first man that loved me
It was instinctual
Yes the brain waves wild
It was chemical

That first man that loved me
I just had to see his face
My body would explode
My heart would race

It was biological
illogical
magical
surreal

The next man that loved me
It was love from fear
Yes he was afraid
It was addiction

That man was infatuated
Craved love he hated
He preyed when he chose
Pretending related

It was obsessive
possessive
to desire
need

The last man that loved me
This love is rare
He wants me to be me
No doubt that he cares

No question of loyalty
He is truly mine
I want the best for him
Until the end of time

It is acceptance
assurance
strong and
true

Happiness
I'm so in love with you..
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 281
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History
Hoarders
Posted: 8/10/2017 11:21:46 AM
There was an old path
Off the beaten track
Where an old couple did dwell
She kept a hoard
She made up spells
Sold them at market
in vials.

The gossip heard
She once lived in a van
Then collected cans
To survive
She read tarot cards
Out in her yard
A sign by the road
For passers by

He grew poppies
Tended to the garden
He hated to go inside
She had a beat car
Couldn't go far
But got to the market
some days

She mostly brought in
Stuff from trash cans
Things people threw away
Her children didn't come
The squalor had become
A danger in small pathways

And cats maybe found
Dead under the bed
She hadn't slept on in years
She did have one place
A place to sit
And a hot plate to heat
Up beans from cans

Most nights she'd cry
Thinking she'd die
In a hoard that was
Brought in by her hands

One day he did
Gone out by the lawn
He just dropped dead
Right there and then

After that people said
She hoarded more
She thought things would
Give here relief from
her dread.

She clung to it all
As if she would break
If one thing would be taken
away

Her friends came to help
Scolding she'd shout
She needed to keep
Everything

Poor woman I cried
To see her insides
Were as chaotic as
her home had become

No one could help
Stubborn nothing uttered
Lonely she had thrown
Her heart in the clutter
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 282
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Magic Words
Posted: 8/23/2017 5:54:31 AM
Every word has it's magic
Curse words spoken
Words can be swords
Be careful what you
Wish for
Every word has it's magic.
Be careful how you
Think
Curse words spoken
But you get no relief
Speak
Be careful what you say
Words have power
And many come back
To haunt you someday.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 283
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Insignificant
Posted: 8/23/2017 7:41:16 AM
Called out. I didn't lie.
I didn't continue with you
I ran away ignored your noise
You were a brutal abuser
Yes, "you"

You say with no empathy
You know what I go through
Barren woman strange shrew
You have no idea who
you're talking to

I'm not a child
I don't need an excuse
I call a spade a spade
But with you
there is no use
You're addicted
to your own abuse

You will use any one

Bickering with no holds

To laden me with more
You use and scold

How troubling now
What we did see
When she inflicted
Her sorrow on me
She is addicted
Like a shopping spree
Like a whore
Who get's her drugs for free.

You need wings
You need to smell like a rose
You need the crescent moon
You need the salt
Upon the alter
Of your exalted ego

I don't dislike anyone
I may feel indifference
Because they don't excite me
They have no reference

They claim they do
I don't know why
For some sick sense of
attention?

Forgive me now
You're insignificant
So your name I will not
mention.

2/28/17
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 284
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Curse #46
Posted: 8/23/2017 8:01:56 AM
You will stand cold without shelter
All will be dark and a cloud will fall at your door
You will call out into the darkness your lovers name
And you will feel naked like never before

A rumbling will stir up in your belly
Your eyes will feel the bloat sore
Your tongue will be dry you will be
Speechless but aware of yourself ever more

There is nothing you will do to save you
There is no saviors name to call out
The tuning stopped clocks will be broken
Your jumbled mind words unspoken

You're transparent to him as he speaks
Your skin is gray your eyes yellowed
Your knees have never been more weak
There is no one to save you, spells out

Not even Jesus will lend you his name
The hour has come and you eat your own puke
The rigid horn blows you have been rebuked

The army stand righteous they won't let you pass
You try to deny it but your past is your past
You will feel the sting the loneliness you find
The glimmers of light are just dull in your mind

You will know what your victims could not have missed
You will protest your arms flailing your nervous grin
But the tablet will be worded with out your edits
You turn your bitter cheek before the story begins

Your labels you gave me will be written on your coat
The Doctors will not testify under oath
The child that was molested will be sitting in view
Your agony will not mask the things you can't undo

Your story is written you acted out each line
You can not rewrite it it is not just yours it's time's
You do not betray me after all the betrayal is yours
You write on the wall but you are already divorced
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 285
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History
Scamp
Posted: 8/24/2017 4:20:27 PM
Scamp the tramp turns into a clown
Went to town with her pants falling down
Ready for any c8ck she could meet
After all her stops were brief
And probably couldn't get much relief
Stroking her own in the stall
All her thoughts are trifling and small

She would board again and balk
Probably found new c8ck at each stop
Damn to be so easy and tricked
She probably had to lay it on thick
She spread her legs one time to many
Now she goes off when she can't get any

Gravity hit her like a brick
So now she has an ugly d*ck
Scamp you tramp I'm not sorry for you
You have become a vapid shrew
That's just karma coming back too

You pose like a halo is on your head
Forget about the all the men you bed
Yet you go off like a cannon ball
Pick anyone and you're off the wall

You maybe bored with your new life
With someone who doesn't want a wife
That makes you seethe and angry
So you take it out on someone like me

It's not my fault your homeless heart
Is making you a trolling upstart
I guess it's just my turn again
For you to act out some kind of revenge

When you can't put the blame where it lies
You seethe and striking out you try
To go after those you deem as weak
But here no one cares when you speak

It's much easier to grey rock and ignore
Than argue with a seething whore
It's not my act I don't attack
I don't care what mean words your write
You're a beat bore and not worth the fight.

The End
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 286
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History
The Dark Night of the Soul
Posted: 8/25/2017 8:40:56 AM
Yes. I saw you struggle
Into the dark night of your soul
He came to you in a dream
The only avenue
Where he could find you

You listened brave
You let go into nothingness
And let it be
As you confessed
Your fears to Him
He freed you to begin again

You were awake
Remembering the vision
Let there be indecision
And you will be guided
Undecided

Into the dark night of your soul
He has the answers
There is where your garden
Of thoughts are planted
Your wishes granted

You made room for love
In the silence
No longer is there violence
Your child is healed
revealed
If the nightmares are
Recurring
There is a stirring
Feel it don't resist
It will persist
Until you learn the origins
Where you pain begins
And ends...


Your dreams will die with you
If you can not listen
You will cast off these truths
With delusions
Illusions
A mask to hide your magic
It will be tragic
To die without every knowing
Rapture
You have been captured
By your own fantasies
It's not the reality
Of your dreams true

So enter into the dark night
There you will meet your soul
In nothingness
It will tell you
I will show you
I know your wealth
You are dying
To become me
I am your higher self.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 287
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History
Step One
Posted: 8/30/2017 1:49:59 PM
Look at what you've done
Lost everyone
You hold the cards hard
Let her prostitute in the room
While you shuffle one last time
Hoping to get the cash
Everyone is talking trash
Look at what you've done
Lost everyone

What can people say?
You're a heartbeat away
From destroying all you have left
You have a secret death wish?

To scold is old and it does no good
You bring on those crocodile tears
When you fret without respect
You're drama creates more fear

Look. Hope it's worth it
What on Earth happened to you?
Look. Find a mirror
The drugs have captured you
Look. Guess you know it's over
You got nothing up your sleeve
Look. Don't be so stupid
Admit you have a disease.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 288
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Step Two
Posted: 8/31/2017 4:55:42 PM
Just know it's not you
I don't care who you believe in
Just give up the power
But you know it's your last hour
Come to believe that it's true
and
Just know it is not you.

Yes we gave seen miracles
You know there is a monkey on your back
You have bitter resentments
With all the ones who stop listening to your flack

Yeah but, yeah but, yeah but
That's all you got or will ever have
Yeah but, killed a friend of mine
Was one of the best friends I ever had

I'm telling you it's this simple
Just know it's not you
Look at all that damned wreckage
Stop hiding from the truth

Just know it's not you

And know you need
Yes you need it
A power greater than yourself
You have lost never won
Come get the books off the shelf

You're out of control
You've been here before
Hit an ugly bottom lost
No one cares any more

Surrender then

Say it again
It's isn't me
and
Just know it's not you.
Just come to believe
Believe in step two.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 289
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History
Morning Prayer or Song Birds
Posted: 9/1/2017 8:03:24 AM
I remember
That September
Waiting to see you
Then she came
After school
Closed mouth
Nothing else
We were leaving
In disbelief
Then Dad came
Wearing pain
He had to tell us
Mom was dead
Every September
His words ring
In my head
I was ten
Frightened
Where did Mom go
Trying to soothe me
They spoke of
Eternity but
It was no use
No excuse
Why God would
Take her from me
Heaven was to far away
Nothing consoled me
Since that day
My memories are rare
Her smile
Her perfumed hair
Her gentle touch
Yet it is not enough
Every day
I hope and pray
That it is true
That one day Mom
I will again be with you.

RIP Genevieve
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 290
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History
I Keep Seeing You
Posted: 9/6/2017 6:37:54 PM
I keep seeing elevens
They say that's good
That there is an angel
who understands
and guides me through this hell.

I keep seeing thirty three
That was our favorite number
They say that is good
in the order of things
and the number means you're understood

I keep seeing dragonflies
I don't know why
They make me think of you
They have spare wings
Upon their backs for angels

And cardinals too
So red and bright
Against the snow
Sparkling bright
Remind us of summer's red roses.

I keep seeing lady bugs
You said they were lucky
I see them in the garden
I think that's one place
You come to me , there and in my dreams

The flowers bloom in season
Here I contemplate the reason
Why I am still here And where are you?

Death was swift
Your life was such a gift
You truly made me rich
I will always love you.

Death was swift
Your life was such a gift
You truly made me rich
I will always love you.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 291
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History
Mourning
Posted: 9/6/2017 7:51:51 PM
Won't you lay down beside me
and comfort me tonight
Speak to me those gentle words
I long to hear but can not think myself
I'm lost helpless in shock

Help me my friend, just listen
See in me what I can not see
Because I hurt so deeply
Grieving a pain I can't believe

Love me tonight with your kindness
Guide me into a dream perhaps a chance
To dream a memory of him or
Dream of the last time we danced

Give me hope once again if you can
I need your courage to go on
I am so distracted by my pain
Courage I have none

If your here please lay down beside me
I don't know how I will go on
Let me feel your presence
While I hum this song
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 292
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History
Step Three
Posted: 9/6/2017 8:38:07 PM
Step Three

Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him



My gentle friend
Lead me today
Just for this day
Toward the narrow path
I have so long
Been wandering
Wavering
Waiting
Don't let me wait
Not here longer
With crippled thoughts
That keep me ill
Carry me to do
Your will

Don't let me waver
Back and forth
To bring me to roads
Already traveled
Those painful roads
Where I have to search
Again for You
For what you have
Already shown me

Don't let me wander
A blind man without his cane
Not knowing where to go
What to do without you
I failed to open my eyes

many times

many times

To surrender to you is to be free
All this time it was about me
Then the truth let me be
The lie is dead inside of me.

Just for today carry me
It's only 24 hours away
Then I won't need you til tomorrow
To get another day.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 293
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History
Cat
Posted: 9/30/2017 10:56:24 AM
I planted her seeds of death
In the cool damp Spring soil
With a wish for the demons
Without struggle or toil

To bring there her spirit
So she would finally know
Her transgressions upon me
Her deeds that were sown

On bent knee I prayed
That at heavens gate
That her deeds that ruined me
Would stall her to wait

Oh no, not to be reunited
With the man that ruined me
In prayer I recited
A wish that would set me free

Her funeral was sullen
We stood there in a row
As we greeted the people
I held a secret never known

Her daughters were chosen
As she cast me away
Her perfect extensions woven
In her tapestry of hate

There lay that woman
That purposely tortured me
Narcissist greed viciously
She did out smart many

But I was her victim
Who could never take a stance
For she held me captive
To save her romance

To save all her treasures
Displayed on her shelves
To keep in her mansion
The devil himself

So there in the cold ground
Now there she rots
A spell cast upon her so
Her hatred can not be forgot

I watch as the seeds grow
They are a twisted vine
She crippled my soul
Stole from me what was divine

I wait there and wonder
Not one blossom bloomed
In silence I remember
Suffering inflicted within her rooms

I know now as He answered
What was faltering there
She was like a cancer
That stripped me bare

How do I call out now
For justice from a grave
No one to confront now
Her soul can't be saved

I followed the scripture
I repented contrite
Yet God still needs to remove
This deafening spite

For even though she is gone
There in a grave where I left a rose
The poet in me
Still writes here disposed

The pain in waves comes
The grief is not for her there
It's still stems in that child
That she abused so severe

God I leave you my vengeance
All I do is believe
That where she is now
She will know how I have grieved

Grief for a lifetime
She scapegoated me
Always an agenda
To alter my reality

So die there old woman
I may finally move on
I can tell the truth clearly
Without fear of your scorn

The relief that I feel now
Is beyond battered beliefs
She was never righteous
Dear God let her see.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 294
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History
Humble
Posted: 10/4/2017 5:18:14 PM
Would I stand with you
Remove your yoke
As truth remembers
Every word you wrote
Every word you spoke

Would I stand or bow
Reminding you how
As the truth proves it
Every lie you told
Every word to mold

I'm sorry I couldn't be you
Be everything you wanted me to
Be everything you desired

To cater to your every whim

I'm sorry I couldn't win you
Be everything I wanted to be
You're everything I desired

You begin where I end

Would I stand with you
Remove your yoke
As truth remembers
Every word you wrote
Every word you spoke

No brother.
I would kneel
Thanking God

Amen Amen
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 295
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History
Suck it Up
Posted: 10/6/2017 1:54:38 PM
Used but you want me to be happy
Suck it up. Get over it. Shut up
But the pit in my stomach is still there
You're an abuser, user, looser
Churning up emotions in me
What does sorry mean, nothing
Keep your cards play the hand
This is what you never understand

You don't get to **** up my life
Then tell me when to get over it
You broke this, not me
You won't understand
You can't be reminded
You did me
Wrong

I can't lie to myself
Make a decision
To make it worse
To try to forgive you
I can't

No you don't
Fluff it up
While I have to
Suck it up

**** you

No you don't
Fluff it up
While I have to
Suck it up
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 296
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History
Autumn
Posted: 10/21/2017 9:24:27 AM
I walk through the trees
Burning red against the blue
Trying to commune
Reunite with the soul
That I owned as a child
Breathing deep the cool air
Without a care enthused
By natures changing colors
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 297
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History
Our Place
Posted: 11/2/2017 11:23:11 AM
we walked around the block
talking fast at last we met
yet I felt like I had known
a thousand times or more
I'd seen your eyes before
we stopped upon a bridge
not far from the path we
never wanted to leave
wind whispered soft
the moon lit your face
forever that will be our place
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 298
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History
R.I.P.
Posted: 11/4/2017 12:49:49 PM
R.I.P.

Writhing watching
The ambulance sped away
Chasing crying I follow
Only to find you DOA
There in pain I drop
To my knees
Oh by God
I hate this disease.
 whosmeow
Joined: 10/19/2017
Msg: 299
R.I.P.
Posted: 11/10/2017 4:28:07 PM
with deepest empathy
might this scar never fade
but slowly become
bearable
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 300
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History
Rob
Posted: 11/14/2017 6:55:27 AM
seven years
gone by slow
every day
i think of you
hard to believe
you're not here
with me anymore
seven years ago
the phone rang
my life will
never be the same
fly high
with the angels soar
and wait for me
at heavens door
RIP my friend
i will love you
til the end...
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