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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Is there anybody that is really happy in their lives?      Home login  
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 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 26
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Is there anybody that is really happy in their lives?Page 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Has my Life been a bowl of cherries?


Faaaaaaaaaarrrrr from it!!!!

Is it easy to try and keep a somewhat positive attitude and just keep on going?

NO!!

Do I try any way?

YES!!!!

Do you know why?

Well if Life sucks any way, I haven't seen that feeling negatively about it has done ANY THING towards making me feel better.....or helping the situation in ANY way....

Simple really....
I came to realize that no matter how many people validated the sh!ttiness of my Life, it ALSO didn't make me feel any better either...
It didn't help me to get through it and it didn't fix it.

The ONLY thing that has helped is attempting to feel less sorry for myself and trying to not believe that the future would be as crappy as the past. That has enabled me to begin to make some improvements bit by bit and try to make some sense out of the mess that my Life was, still is in many ways, but will hopefully continue to change....

No magic bullet, no miracles, just one foot in front of the other....
 Grl_next_door
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 27
Is there anybody that is really happy in their lives?
Posted: 3/3/2015 5:34:18 AM
"Life in the pit is life in the pit"

There is a certain pleasure to be gotten from negativity and sarcasm. I have been there and talked to myself that way too at one point, after a huge betrayal, some health issues and a career shakeup.
Having made the decision though, to focus on the blessings and gifts, and lighten up, I'm convinced it's a 'way more comfortable way to live.
I'm not telling anybody how to be or think, or implying the more positive among us are the heroes,... just sharing that life is softer, kinder, "funner", (lol), and easier all around when you can reframe the bad stuff somehow, and be philosophical ... It IS a choice, for everyone.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 28
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Is there anybody that is really happy in their lives?
Posted: 3/3/2015 6:27:00 AM
Yep, life is pretty good. While there have been several bad patches over the years, things always get better, and if you learn at all from the bad times, the better times continue to improve. For me, the essential is to see the bad parts as failures to pay attention and get out of ones own head.

Its never completely perfect in every way, but nothing ever is that way, except, perhaps, some days of Spring skiing...
 Grl_next_door
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 29
Is there anybody that is really happy in their lives?
Posted: 3/3/2015 7:08:19 AM
Joe, and that other grumpy guy...Demidar? ...does anything at all make you smile? If I were you, I would pursue that. A lot.
I really think what happens in our lives has less to do with other people, and more to do with us...what we allow, what we expect, what we set ourselves up for day after day.
Being angry here, or picking a fight in the supermarket lineup might make you feel better in the short term, but it's up to you to chase your own happiness.
Find a beaver dam or a place where the fish are jumping... I can only guess what might give you a chuckle.
 Tsar850
Joined: 3/23/2013
Msg: 30
Is there anybody that is really happy in their lives?
Posted: 3/3/2015 7:54:35 AM
Life is full of ups and downs..... When I went through my divorce in 2007.... I went into a year long period of deep depression.

I was given the opportunity to sell both my business'.......... I did so....

I took the proceeds and bought a modest home eight miles from the gulf of mexico.

I have never been happier......... Love the area and the dating pool is much better....... Which is great because I consider marriage a non starter........

Look for what makes you happy........ And do that........ Trust me it is awesome!!!!!!
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 31
Is there anybody that is really happy in their lives?
Posted: 3/3/2015 9:57:14 AM

There is a certain pleasure to be gotten from negativity and sarcasm. I have been there and talked to myself that way too at one point, after a huge betrayal, some health issues and a career shakeup.


I don't really find pleasure from posting what I post (except when someone likes my humor/jokes), but feel more that it is often a necessary counterpoint to those who only put forth the "life is so great" attitude. It is as though they are rubbing the faces of the less fortunate in their success (kind of like Gorilla seems very much a braggart about his success in dating beautiful women; Gorilla - I know you are trying to help, but that's how you come across).

I have been on disability since late 2010 for depression after my divorce in 2006/2007 (I didn't apply for disability until late 2008) during which my now ex became someone I didn't even recognize; she became vindictive as if I had been abusive (I never was, which she admitted to our next door neighbor) or had cheated on her (I hadn't). I found evidence of her own infidelity after she had moved out, and she still denied it. So, like you, I went through a huge betrayal and have also gone through a career shakeup (the ex left when she actually had to contribute financially when I lost my job). And funny you should mention health issues. I have 4 autoimmune diseases (3 of which are extremely rare), and one creates an unstoppable mass (radiation didn't even touch it) in my right eye socket which will eventually cost me that eye. I was hospitalized 6 times last year (only two of which were planned) with issues with my gut and needed an emergency bowel resection where they removed 1.5 feet of my small intestine that was dying and had perforated. Since these surgeries, nearly everytime I eat I suffer pain in my digestive tract.


Joe, and that other grumpy guy...Demidar? ...does anything at all make you smile? If I were you, I would pursue that. A lot.


If you only knew the irony of that question and your recommendation. What makes me smile? Here is a prioritized list:

1) Being in a loving relationship with a kind, compassionate, slender, attractive blond woman who would truly enjoy light bondage/bdsm play (both giving and receiving). I came close with the ex, but that is likely the only shot I will ever have. Persuing this has been a disaster in that I am constantly told here (and it is reinforced by the quality of the very few women who even bother to view my profile) that I am delusional for wanting an attractive/slender woman. I once tried to look beyond the physical portion of attraction with a woman I met through a divorce forum; she found me very attractive (physical and personality) and as we chatted I felt her personality was really perfect for me. She is even excited to explore bondage/bdsm. My buddy even tells me that I should make the cross country trip to Florida, but I tell him it is a no-go and would be a wasted trip; there is no way I would be able to perform in any sexual fashion with her. So the persuit of a romantic relationship has only deepened the pit. I list this as my highest priority because I was happiest when my marriage was good (and I don't mean just the sexual aspect, even though it is primarily what I discussed here).

2) Golfing - my one success in my search of over five years for something that I can consistently enjoy. This persuit, however, is not without its problems, the largest of which is my health. But at least I always look forward to getting out to play a round.

3) Skiing - this persuit also has some promise, but age and health again limit my enjoyment. For example, last season I had to contend with severe edema in my right foot which could make it impossible to even get a ski boot on. During the summer, I thought I had that problem solved when I (not the doctor) figured out that the edema was a side effect of one of my blood pressure medicines. So I looked forward to this season where I wouldn't have to worry about a foot twice as big as it should be. Well if you knew me and my luck, you would be able to guess what has happened - not only has the ski season this year been a disaster due to very little snow, my edema is returning despite no longer taking the offending medication.

4) Watching sitcoms TV/Netflix - I do get some laughs from these, but this would be very low on things I should persue.

That is pretty much the result of my 5 year struggle to bring some taste of normalcy back into my life. Not very successful.


I really think what happens in our lives has less to do with other people, and more to do with us...what we allow, what we expect, what we set ourselves up for day after day.
Being angry here, or picking a fight in the supermarket lineup might make you feel better in the short term, but it's up to you to chase your own happiness.


I don't pick fights online or in real life. I despise fighting. I do, however, debate issues and cite my experiences (sometimes in posts that are too lengthy).
 Eternityboresme
Joined: 8/20/2014
Msg: 32
Is there anybody that is really happy in their lives?
Posted: 3/3/2015 10:30:43 AM
Yes, I am.

I'm happy to have my life, with all of its challenges, quirkiness, my Asperger's, anxiety, education, family, immense love for my wonderful, academic children and all , and for my blessed new relationship.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 33
Is there anybody that is really happy in their lives?
Posted: 3/3/2015 11:00:35 AM
Message 34, good post!

I think most of us have a certain body type or just type in general that we wish we could experience something wonderful with, but that "type" has no interest in us!

"kind of like Gorilla seems very much a braggart about his success in dating beautiful women; Gorilla - I know you are trying to help, but that's how you come across"

I agree 1000%. Obnoxious. I just avoid reading posts from people who have nothing to offer me and use their time and energy to crow on....for whatever reasons they feel the need to do so.

"Being happy" is a complex thing and it's a hard question to answer. For some of us, happiness comes and goes. I look forward to having about a minute or so of true happiness each day...if I can pull that off, I consider it a good day. I tend to live a life of a "below the norm" level of contentment, then hitting some incredible highs in between. Maybe this is normal. But I would never tell people "Yes, I'm happy" because it's too complicated of a question, at least for me.
 Grl_next_door
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 34
Is there anybody that is really happy in their lives?
Posted: 3/3/2015 2:39:55 PM
"I don't pick fights online or in real life. I despise fighting. I do, however, debate issues and cite my experiences (sometimes in posts that are too lengthy"... Joe

I wasn't implying that's what you do, but it's a go-to way for a lot of frustrated people to behave. Looking for a scrap and finding one can be a big release for a lot of unhappy people. And it just validates that you are right about life being one losing battle after another.

Personally, I am quite amazed at what disappointments, scares, and huge challenges I have been able to rebound from. I assume all of us have it in us to rebound, but I could be mistaken.

Like Volcano King, I might go through a big part of the day without anything notable that makes me feel good, laugh or relax, but when it does happen I consider it a gift. I wouldn't trade my life for anyone else's.
 Grl_next_door
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 35
Is there anybody that is really happy in their lives?
Posted: 3/3/2015 2:58:00 PM
Of course you are, you're Danish.
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 36
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Is there anybody that is really happy in their lives?
Posted: 3/3/2015 4:16:31 PM
Great answer Volkano...I'm with you.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 37
Is there anybody that is really happy in their lives?
Posted: 3/3/2015 6:18:25 PM
Moon, I left my spot vacant and the front door unlocked.

I lit some scented candles too.

You'll have to bring the vodka though. I only have white wine here:(
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 38
Is there anybody that is really happy in their lives?
Posted: 3/3/2015 7:30:41 PM
I'm on my way Clooney. Sounds lovely.

Happiness? This last fall I watched a very, very dear friend waste away in front of my eyes with cancer. He lived 5 months from diagnosis to death, at 62. I am going to my best guy friend's funeral on Saturday...I have had Sunday dinner with him and his wife for the last 9 years. Am I happy? Yup, I am alive, I have friends and family I love and respect and they love and respect me. I have a job, a home and food.

So when someone asks "are you happy?", think before you answer something trite. We need to LIVE because we're a long time dead.
 BLonde^j^AngeL
Joined: 1/2/2015
Msg: 39
Is there anybody that is really happy in their lives?
Posted: 3/3/2015 7:59:56 PM

We need to LIVE because we're a long time dead.

Carpe Diem
 TheBeastHere
Joined: 1/20/2009
Msg: 40
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Is there anybody that is really happy in their lives?
Posted: 3/3/2015 8:00:05 PM
I'm happy with my life, it is just others lives that is hard to live with.
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 41
Is there anybody that is really happy in their lives?
Posted: 3/3/2015 8:20:57 PM

Is there anybody that is really happy in their lives?


Oh well hell yeah........just take my word for it.

I used to think....man this sux, work all those years for this?

But I realized maybe it's not all about me. Touched a lot of lives in a lot of different ways, delivered a set of twins, comforted a young woman pinned in a car as she died looking at a picture of her two children she had asked me to hold so she could see it, watched and heard a man wail from the soul, like nothing I've ever heard before or since when his 4 yr old ran out in front of a car and was killed. Dozens more, each faced etched in memories.

What is truly happy? I don't know, but this is life and it's all I've got. I try and see the humor in what I can, when I can. Pick up a random strangers bill for coffee or lunch sometimes, just because.
Just a matter of time before I won't get a shot at tomorrow, just like everyone else.



 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 42
Is there anybody that is really happy in their lives?
Posted: 3/3/2015 8:29:04 PM
Well. my life is thoroughly amusing and I do get a chuckle.
 loveisatemple
Joined: 3/28/2014
Msg: 43
Is there anybody that is really happy in their lives?
Posted: 3/4/2015 2:47:55 AM
I for one am not offended by IG speaking of his happiness. It doesn't threaten me or push my buttons. I am not in a ltr, but hey, if he's happy that is a good example and he is generally generous and kind. I understand we all have our buttons, but let us acknowledge they are Our buttons.

Like mine is a bit, when people have great financial security. On the one hand, I admire their savvy and hard work, on the other I assume they have no problems, but many in my family are well off yet never content and rather competitive, even though they are doing better than most they know.

I used to get hostility from people and couldn't figure out why but later learned they felt unhappy or unfulfilled. Hey, I feel those things in different areas but I don't get angry at other people for "gloating". In some cases, they might be, but in others, they may just be living their lives happily and sharing that.

I always prioritized health and education so that is my yardstick in that if I was ill I would be depressed but not having a SO doesn't fill me with angst at all. It is quite peaceful.

As for happy, I don't strive for that as much as having fewer conflicts, more growth in different areas I worked on, progress. If I expected happiness/ success at every moment, I think I wouldn't acknowledge incremental steps forward or really appreciate "success" .
 Grl_next_door
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 44
Is there anybody that is really happy in their lives?
Posted: 3/4/2015 4:38:36 AM
{But I realized maybe it's not all about me. Touched a lot of lives in a lot of different ways, delivered a set of twins, comforted a young woman pinned in a car as she died looking at a picture of her two children she had asked me to hold so she could see it, watched and heard a man wail from the soul, like nothing I've ever heard before or since when his 4 yr old ran out in front of a car and was killed. Dozens more, each faced etched in memories}.

I am choked. CrookCatcher, you are a prince.
 WhoamI_46
Joined: 1/1/2015
Msg: 45
Is there anybody that is really happy in their lives?
Posted: 3/4/2015 5:23:59 AM
@Joe

I could to through a whole list of the last 47 years of my life, of the pain and heartache I have experienced. I won't, because it's in the past. Do I deal with stuff daily? yes, my job gives me the pleasure of working with people who are so unhappy and project that onto my associates, because it makes them feel better.

I just look at situations everyday and am glad I am not there. I am happy for my health. I am working on fixing a bummed knee that popped while running. There are many activities that I can't do because of it, but I keep running(or try to because I am determined.)

I honestly see so many people miserable because it is just easier. It takes hard work everyday, mentally, morally and physically to achieve your goals. I believe that if you don't want to work for that, then please stop complaining.

So do I think life is great? Yes I do, because I am here and I have the ability to make choices for myself that get me to where I am going. I will go to great lengths to put a smile on someone's face, because that makes them feel better.

Choices! If we weren't all human, none of us would go through any heartache, but because we are human, our minds are the greatest gift we could have.

Good luck to you:)
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 46
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Is there anybody that is really happy in their lives?
Posted: 3/4/2015 7:20:31 AM

Gorilla seems very much a braggart about his success in dating beautiful women; Gorilla - I know you are trying to help, but that's how you come across).


Really?

Interesting perspective.

To me, he seems like a man who has suffered greatly in some of his prior relationships, has then decided that he had a part in how they had all turned out, has done the hard work to grow in self-awareness, and has taken that new-found knowledge back into the dating pool. In addition to working on his dating related issues, he's also keeping himself fit and in shape. As a result, he has found happiness in his present relationship.

I'm finding this kind of thing inspirational. But I can see, on second thought, how it would be less than appealing to those who prefer to blame everybody else on how their lives are going. So much easier to call him a braggart and continue to feel sorry for yourself, than to use him as an example and do some work on yourself.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 47
Is there anybody that is really happy in their lives?
Posted: 3/4/2015 8:25:44 AM

I'm finding this kind of thing inspirational. But I can see, on second thought, how it would be less than appealing to those who prefer to blame everybody else on how their lives are going. So much easier to call him a braggart and continue to feel sorry for yourself, than to use him as an example and do some work on yourself.


Most people have this train of thought when listening to a person who is clinically diagnosed with depression and who suffer from any number of other ailments on top of it. I wouldn't want to be in their shoes. It's not something they can "snap out of" - they have no control over it. My ex, for example, has suffered with depression (extremely low serotonin) for about 20 years. That in itself is incredibly difficult to deal with, but like Joe, other more recent health issues such as three heart attacks, narcolepsy and diabetes, coupled with being forced early from a lifelong job because of those health issues, aging parents and low self-esteem, only compound the situation. It's a wonder they can find the energy to just see to their daily needs, never mind be enthusiastic about someone else's example of happiness and being told to "do some work on themselves".

Am I happy in my life? You bet! Are there things that would likely make me even happier? Sure - like not having to work every day and be able to do as I please when I please. However, it sure as hell beats the alternative, such as those who suffer like Joe and my ex or any number of other people in all kinds of other unenviable positions they have extremely little or no control over. Being on the outside of their lives and looking in sure goes a long way to remind me that I have absolutely nothing to be unhappy about.
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 48
Is there anybody that is really happy in their lives?
Posted: 3/4/2015 8:52:38 AM

Most people have this train of thought when listening to a person who is clinically diagnosed with depression and who suffer from any number of other ailments on top of it. I wouldn't want to be in their shoes. It's not something they can "snap out of" - they have no control over it. My ex, for example, has suffered with depression (extremely low serotonin) for about 20 years. That in itself is incredibly difficult to deal with, but like Joe, other more recent health issues such as three heart attacks, narcolepsy and diabetes, coupled with being forced early from a lifelong job because of those health issues, aging parents and low self-esteem, only compound the situation. It's a wonder they can find the energy to just see to their daily needs, never mind be enthusiastic about someone else's example of happiness and being told to "do some work on themselves".

Am I happy in my life? You bet! Are there things that would likely make me even happier? Sure - like not having to work every day and be able to do as I please when I please. However, it sure as hell beats the alternative, such as those who suffer like Joe and my ex or any number of other people in all kinds of other unenviable positions they have extremely little or no control over. Being on the outside of their lives and looking in sure goes a long way to remind me that I have absolutely nothing to be unhappy about.


Thank you very much for posting this. This is a person who understands as can be seen by the portions that I highlighted in bold. The "simple" task of working on yourself (I've been working on myself for over 5 years - how am I doing?) is like tunneling through the Rocky Mountains with a soup spoon.

I don't blame IG for his happiness, but after the fifteenth or so time of seeing him post about the model quality women he gets (you won't find it in his post history as it has been a while, and he posts often), it just makes me roll my eyes thinking "there he goes again."

I find it ironic as well that the posts that bitch about me expressing my negative feelings appear to be just fine, but gripe that a positive post makes you wince and holy sh*t - watch out!!!!
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 49
Is there anybody that is really happy in their lives?
Posted: 3/4/2015 10:54:29 AM
"I don't blame IG for his happiness, but after the fifteenth or so time of seeing him post about the model quality women he gets (you won't find it in his post history as it has been a while, and he posts often), it just makes me roll my eyes thinking "there he goes again.""

I dont mind when people come to report a success, or have found happiness. It's the chronic, day in and day out "in your face" repetition that becomes laughable and just stupid after a while. People need to do a little "self censorship" at times and realize that maybe 50 pictures of their face or their cat or their movie script or girlfriend or whatever it is may be a bit of overkill. The rest of us are just not as impressed with your amazing life as you are.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 50
Is there anybody that is really happy in their lives?
Posted: 3/4/2015 11:37:41 AM
I don't pay much attention to someone's story about meeting their perfect dream woman/guy when they've been together for a relatively short time. If couples are together for 5, 10, or 20 years or longer, and feel they're still with their perfect dream partner, and they are still head over heels about each other, then I will be impressed. How many divorced people felt they met their perfect dream partner when they first met? How did that turn out?
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