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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Is there anybody that is really happy in their lives?      Home login  
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 Demidar
Joined: 10/22/2014
Msg: 51
Is there anybody that is really happy in their lives?Page 3 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Listening to some metal music at the moment , what else do I need . The chance of finding a woman in my age bracket that enjoys hard music is slim to none , I accept that . No problem forging ahead alone , a companion would be nice but is not required .
 Eternityboresme
Joined: 8/20/2014
Msg: 52
Is there anybody that is really happy in their lives?
Posted: 3/4/2015 12:41:43 PM
My ex-husband -- at the time -- was my dream man. I was a different person, then, looking for something entirely different than what I seek, now.

The person with whom I'm in a relationship is the proverbial dream man in that we have a good friendship as well as passion and genuine care and concern for each other; I met him in my middle age at a time when my focus is different and have a post-international experience which helped me to focus on life differently. I don't know for how long our relationship will last; perhaps one of us (or both of us) will pass away or something else happens which might change the trajectory of our relationship. Who knows.

But, I did realize something:

I WAS the type of person who would obsessed over the what ifs and dwelled on the past instead of the present, and it nearly directed me to a path of terrible unhappiness. I learned that I shouldn't do this, that it'll continue to obscure my viewpoint and taint my current happiness; so I don't.

I'm tremendously greatful to the two very strong women (one whom is now deceased and another who is very much alive). And they're both spot on.
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 53
Is there anybody that is really happy in their lives?
Posted: 3/4/2015 6:26:20 PM

This was in my email today and it describes it well. (posted link omitted)


I read the article referred to in the post above and I was not surprised at all by its contents. Much to the chagrin of many in these forums, I will now post my feelings and interpretation of this article.

The concept put forth by the author is that happiness is simply a choice, but only if you follow key beliefs and practices which she (and I’m sure many in these forums) has (have) accepted as truth. While I may agree with the author that happiness should not be centered solely upon a “relationship, ring, job, country house, wardrobe, vacations, beauty products [or] weight loss” and that self-love is a key factor in happiness, her process relies on religious fundamentals (while she doesn’t make a direct reference to God, she does allude to Him through phrases like “spiritual muscle”, “ask for guidance”, “trusting and knowing that everything is unfolding in perfect, divine timing”), fate (“get out of our own way and let life happen”) and last but not least, self-delusion.

I won’t go into the religious aspect any further, but I will elaborate further on the self-delusion that runs rampant throughout this article (and practicing mental health professionals’ tactics). Let us visit her “practical ways to cultivate more happiness within...” etc. She states to slow down and listen to your inner guide. But wait, there’s a condition – don’t listen to your inner guide if it is critical. So delusion number one is to ignore anything that appears to be critical.

Now we move on to practical method number 2 – set an intention to be happy. Does anyone really ever intend to be miserable? Despite popular opinion, I never have. Happiness was at the very heart of my life’s goal. I didn't care about satisfying the requirements of what society deemed normal and necessary. And I desired for everyone to be happy so that there would be no violence or war. So, intention to be happy? No problem! But a funny thing happened on the road to happiness – life (and others) didn’t agree and chose not to be fair. Okay, lesson learned – life isn’t fair. You have to learn to accept this fact. But wait, life can be unfair in varying degrees and can even become downright unbearable. Here, again, is where the author injects self-delusion (only she calls it empowerment) by choosing to ignore (delude yourself regarding) thoughts that create “judgments, worry, doubt, fear, or confusion.” And by doing so, we will be a step closer to a life of good feelings that will “reflect back to us in the form of beautiful relationships, purpose-driven work, and financial freedom” as our reward. But wait, we had better remind ourselves of that whole life is not fair thing; that could really dull the shine on that Unicorn horn.

Before continuing, we should take a look at the definition of delusion. The most relevant definition of delusion in the dictionary is “a persistent false psychotic belief regarding the self or persons or objects outside the self that is maintained despite indisputable evidence to the contrary.” Alright, we have a definition that I doubt that anyone would say is inaccurate. Now look again at method two and what the author says regarding choosing happiness and ignoring worry, doubt, and fear. “This is a lifelong practice, because when we’re not monitoring our thoughts, they have a tendency of veering back into fear and worry.” Now wait a minute. Why would that happen? If I am choosing happiness and forgetting about worry, doubt, and fear, what could possibly cause these unwanted feelings to return? Consider a man dressed in only shorts and a polo shirt standing in the heart of Antarctica who has told himself I choose to be warm despite life only providing him with the clothes he is currently wearing. For some reason, he still feels cold, even though he whole-heartedly intended to be warm. Translating that back into choosing happiness, yet being confronted with worry, doubt and fear, there is some influence that is bringing these unwanted feelings back to the forefront. Like the severe cold, these influences must be the “indisputable evidence to the contrary” that makes this choice to ignore thoughts of worry, doubt, and fear unrealistic. So since we made this choice to believe exclusively in happiness (and monitor our thoughts) despite the indisputable evidence to the contrary, we are participating in (say it with me) self-delusion.

I won’t go into method number three, since it is primarily stating that you can’t control everything (yes, I agree) and alludes to fate (not so much).
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 54
Is there anybody that is really happy in their lives?
Posted: 3/5/2015 11:27:11 AM

In addition to working on his dating related issues, he's also keeping himself fit and in shape. As a result, he has found happiness in his present relationship.


So you never see any happy overweight married couples?


If couples are together for 5, 10, or 20 years or longer, and feel they're still with their perfect dream partner, and they are still head over heels about each other, then I will be impressed.


I'm even more impressed with the couple who lives up the block from me, who have been together 63 years.

And the couple I met last year who had just celebrated their 56th wedding anniversary in Maui, and were sitting there holding hands.


How many divorced people felt they met their perfect dream partner when they first met?


Many.


How did that turn out?


Statistically, not very impressively.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 55
Is there anybody that is really happy in their lives?
Posted: 3/5/2015 11:34:10 AM
^^^^^^


I'm even more impressed with the couple who lives up the block from me, who have been together 63 years.


That should have been 68 years.

They are both in their 90's.
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 56
Is there anybody that is really happy in their lives?
Posted: 3/5/2015 12:17:00 PM

If couples are together for 5, 10, or 20 years or longer, and feel they're still with their perfect dream partner, and they are still head over heels about each other, then I will be impressed.


31 years and still held each other in the dark, still planned tomorrow's, still couldn't wait until he got home at the end of the day, still love and laughter. Yup, it can be done and is being done. My mother died a week after their 63 anniversary....still in love.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 57
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Is there anybody that is really happy in their lives?
Posted: 3/5/2015 12:40:14 PM
You were very lucky to have had that blue....
As was your Mom....

Not everybody will have the chance to experience that for even a few MONTHS in their Life.....

I know that I no longer believe that will happen for me....

Just too much against it at this stage of the game, but nice to think that it COULD.....
Thanks for sharing....and sorry, once again, for your loss....that must be soul-shattering...I can't imagine.
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 58
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Is there anybody that is really happy in their lives?
Posted: 3/5/2015 12:50:47 PM
I believe the answer to the titular question is, "Sometimes."

Life is and always will be an ongoing battle no matter the person's circumstances. There is simply too much chaos and too many stresses of all kinds exerting themselves at every level, from basic survival up to achieving one's dreams, that derail our ability to truly appreciate things.

I think the best we can hope for are temporary reprieves where, either through chance or as a result of our efforts, things align just enough so that we can experience some level or contentedness or joy.

I try to keep my eyes open to these, but also accept that they may be few, with sometimes nearly-unbearable slogs in between. So far, it seems to be working well enough.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 59
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Is there anybody that is really happy in their lives?
Posted: 3/5/2015 1:13:35 PM
I don't think about it much, I'm not normally depressed (I really feel for those who are) I'm pretty upbeat and yet quite sarcastic. I'm not often bored, even when there's not much going on, I'm not lonely but I do miss my other kids and granddaughter, but life goes on when people have to move away. I'm not the center of my universe, I don't expect people to do for me or entertain me, so most days I'm perfectly fine doing whatever. I hate the pain and lack of getting around like I use to, but I'm basically lazy anyway so looking out at the mountains or the neighborhood or going to the store, I find a lot of peace in that sort of thing. My health sucks but generally I'm a happy person, certainly my life has been much worse, I'm grateful for what I have.

I would love to win the lottery! Yes, that would make things much easier for all of my family, I could pay off my bills, pay off their bills, visit them, anonymously help people I see who are having problems, like a car breaking down or can't afford their groceries, have medical bills piling up, I love to help others, but I don't want their thanks, I just want to be able to help with things that can ruin some people's lives through no fault of their own. I know what it's like to live dollar to dollar and have something go terribly wrong.
 Never_in_Life
Joined: 1/13/2015
Msg: 60
Is there anybody that is really happy in their lives?
Posted: 3/6/2015 2:32:57 AM

But I realized maybe it's not all about me. Touched a lot of lives in a lot of different ways, delivered a set of twins, comforted a young woman pinned in a car as she died looking at a picture of her two children she had asked me to hold so she could see it, watched and heard a man wail from the soul, like nothing I've ever heard before or since when his 4 yr old ran out in front of a car and was killed. Dozens more, each faced etched in memories.


I would have been destroyed by that. You are a better man than I, friend.
 Grl_next_door
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 61
Is there anybody that is really happy in their lives?
Posted: 3/6/2015 4:07:28 AM
I admit I bristle a little bit when someone in a committed relationship posts in a forum for singles on 'how it's done' and speculates on why we might still be single.

... " how it would be less than appealing to those who prefer to blame everybody else on how their lives are going. So much easier to call him a braggart and continue to feel sorry for yourself, than to use him as an example and do some work on yourself. '
 Never_in_Life
Joined: 1/13/2015
Msg: 62
Is there anybody that is really happy in their lives?
Posted: 3/6/2015 4:40:53 AM

To me, he seems like a man who has suffered greatly in some of his prior relationships, has then decided that he had a part in how they had all turned out, has done the hard work to grow in self-awareness, and has taken that new-found knowledge back into the dating pool. In addition to working on his dating related issues, he's also keeping himself fit and in shape. As a result, he has found happiness in his present relationship.


Anybody worth a lick does that, especially at our age. It's not some miracle special power - it's called self awareness and personal growth that comes with age. We all have had our hearts broken - and most of us are better for it - because we learned from it.

For the most part, I like what he has to say but you can give words of encouragement without alluding to the fact you're banging an insatiable super model three times a night. It just smacks of "look at me".
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 63
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Is there anybody that is really happy in their lives?
Posted: 3/6/2015 5:34:53 AM

I admit I bristle a little bit when someone in a committed relationship posts in a forum for singles on 'how it's done' and speculates on why we might still be single.

... " how it would be less than appealing to those who prefer to blame everybody else on how their lives are going. So much easier to call him a braggart and continue to feel sorry for yourself, than to use him as an example and do some work on yourself. '


Yeah...not too thrilled at that myself....While skills are required in relationships that doesn't automatically assure that you will meet the right person, in the right place at the right time....in order to utilize those skills.

That part is just plain, good old-fashioned luck....

While there are things you can do to stack the odds in your favour, we have NO control over who we will meet and when...
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 64
Is there anybody that is really happy in their lives?
Posted: 3/6/2015 1:53:45 PM
^^^^ Oh, are we supposed to be humbled and envious? We are all feeling sorry for ourselves because we’ve become nauseated at the endless braggy posts? Is that the “example” we must follow? I wouldn’t disrespect my partner by exposing our personal intimate lives on a dating site forum, simply to provoke envy in other men, and swooning responses from women, which are the obvious goals. Come on.

I suppose the appropriate response is wide-eyed awe, on our knees chanting, “we’re not worthy”?
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 65
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Is there anybody that is really happy in their lives?
Posted: 3/6/2015 2:00:03 PM
^^^^^^^^^^^
lmao
Ahhhh Sunshine...you are a ray of, well, sunshine!!!!!
 deepthoughtlighthumour
Joined: 2/15/2015
Msg: 66
Is there anybody that is really happy in their lives?
Posted: 3/21/2015 9:31:43 PM

I am ebullient, optimistic and happy, and


I guess truer words have never been said. You have to joyfully e-bully some people to attain nirvana.

I wonder how people managed before the computer age with high-speed Internet access. Buddhism was one way, dying and going to heaven was another way for people to reach happiness in this life.

People are dubious little weasels who are busy telling others how to reach happiness, but which methods do nothing for others, only for the self of the teller. That is the only common denominator between all religions, political directions, love poetry, oral sex, dental procedures, and four-hour long calculus exams.
 Strings6
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 67
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Is there anybody that is really happy in their lives?
Posted: 3/22/2015 7:42:19 AM
We live in a neurotic and hypocritical society with lies and double standards all around us,we tell kids to just say no to drugs and Alcohol,which,since Alcohol is also a drug is both redundant and hypocritical phrase,then we medicate ourselves with our own drugs of choice purchased at inflated prices after we have submitted ourselves to the medical/drug/happiness industry for "evaluation" and "diagnosis" to see just which mass produced poison/drug with known and unknown side effects that will make us "happy".....if the side effects don't make us unhappy that is.

Legal drugs are called "medicine" while illegal drugs are called drugs,doing "drugs" to escape the pain of life is bad but getting your prescription filled for your medicine to deal with the pain of life is good.Legal drugs make billions for the pharmaceutical industry and provides jobs while illegal drugs make billions for the cartels,despots and of course it also provides jobs and has developed into a marvelous tool for shredding the Constitution,since its a "War" and all.....all to take advantage of and profit from people trying to escape the pain of life instead of either making life less painful for each other or at least allowing people to have freedom in how they deal with it.

Happiness for me is understanding that I don't have to be happy all the time and understanding that it I perfectly normal to have a bad day or even a bad,week,month or year,to be sad,to think about life,to think about death since it I the reality we will all face.

Happiness for me is understanding that happiness is not found in other people and expecting another to carry my emotional load in addition to their own is both selfish and unrealistic....I can only live my own life,i do not have the capacity to live another life and my own,all I can do for anyone or anyone for me is to provide a stable,pleasnat and loving environment to exist in.

Happiness for me is stepping back and away from this society with its media driven consumer frenzy,chaos and outright insanity,not to draw attention to myself as some off the beaten path hipster but to understand that it s a matter of survival and that human beings were never meant to live this way......perhaps happiness is a little easier than we think.....just saying no to the BS makes me happy.



 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 68
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Is there anybody that is really happy in their lives?
Posted: 3/22/2015 8:29:09 AM
Yes, I am happy and blessed.

It is a choice.....

I could be miserable because I just buried my guy...but I choose to be blessed in the knowledge I got to spend the last 2 1/2 years with him...
I could make more money....but I love my job and being happy to go to work every day is more important than being rich...
I have a zillion things to do .... but I am healthy and capable, the sun is shining and the birds are chirping, so what better day than to get out there and do them....
I could be really aggravated that someone dumped a very pregnant cat who decided to pop out 8 babies last night on my porch...but instead I am thrilled to see 8 adorable fur babies that will be loved and nurtured and given to forever homes that will love to have them...

Life is about choices....and so is your attitude!!
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 69
Is there anybody that is really happy in their lives?
Posted: 3/22/2015 8:46:02 AM

Happiness for me is stepping back and away from this society with its media driven consumer frenzy,chaos and outright insanity...


What better way to get away from media driven chaos and insanity than being on the internet. (lol)
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 70
Is there anybody that is really happy in their lives?
Posted: 3/22/2015 9:08:43 AM
Message 22, good stuff.

I too think about how temporary life is and how fast it's going to be over.

I think what's more evident now is the profound amount of sociopathic narcissism our modern life has created, how our connectivity has created disconnect and even more boredom, interestingly, that life is not edited like a movie and doesn't move fast enough for most people now. Feelings of anger, rage and a lack of fulfillment permeate our culture. The internet is filled now with outrage, accusations, fights, threats and cruelty. In "real life" you get on the road and people are staring at their cellphones and cutting you off, honking and driving dangerously, presumably because again, life is still not moving fast enough, is not interesting enough without the cellphone screen up even when driving.

You can pay a therapist to listen to you, but these days, people in general really dont care about you. Your job is to sit and listen to others, listen to them talk about themselves, give their opinions, to be their audience. You will not be asked to participate in this with your own life experiences. Everyone is now the mini celebrity, and you must always have your eyes and attention on them. Your life counts for nothing except to serve one purpose-to be the audience.

Our culture is not set up to promote happiness. It's promote to sell stuff, keep you nervous, neurotic, insecure, and to encourage panic and fear. We are not relaxed and at peace, not even near it. Everything is about being rewarded by being a jerk, getting attention by lashing out at others, being provocative, essentially acting like a 5 year old. Aggression, anger, rage and bad behavior is rewarded with attention, encouraged like a sport.

Let's face it. There's 7 billion of us, destroying a planet, crawling all over it, getting in each other's way, aggravating one another. Human life is cheap. If it wasn't, we wouldn't be so thirsty to hurt others.
 Eternityboreme
Joined: 3/18/2015
Msg: 71
Is there anybody that is really happy in their lives?
Posted: 3/22/2015 10:39:16 AM
My amazing relationship didn't fully launch because of a serious problem that would have doomed us anyway, and I wasn't prepared to deal with it. It happens.

Does it mean my life is over and I feel like I failed? hell no. I'm still happy. I've much to be grateful for -- like viewing this as a transitionary relationship from being single for several years! What was different, this time, is that I stopped something before it got worse, which is a threshold I had to level up in previous relationship. I put my foot down, this time, and stuck to my values.

Do i regret the intimacy, the sharing, the short-distance traveling, and everything? Nooo. I got out of my home; I interacted with interested people; and I learnt something about myself.

And yes, I love him and miss him in my own way (no hard feelings, today)-- or maybe I'll just miss his company -- but it was, indeed, magical as brief and as temporary as it was. NOW I know what I want.

So worth it...
 deepthoughtlighthumour
Joined: 2/15/2015
Msg: 72
Is there anybody that is really happy in their lives?
Posted: 3/22/2015 10:48:00 AM
Miss vicky, sorry about your tremendous loss.

But you got a fresh start witnessed eight times.

I know it's burden, however sweet it is, to take care and give away kittens, but look at it this way, to cheer up: you are lucky it was a pregnant cat and not a pregant human female who popped eight brand-new-babies fresh out of the box on your front porch.

If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. If life is cold, make cool-ade. If life gives you HIV, make AIDS. If life gives you little kittens, make kittenade. (Kittenade -- it's like a colonade, but not so long, hollow and tubular, and it is much more kitten-ish.)
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 73
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Is there anybody that is really happy in their lives?
Posted: 3/22/2015 11:49:16 AM
Thanks Deep....

only burden seems to be keeping my nose out of their warm bellies and getting anything done today...LOL!

and if some Octomom decides to pop out eight babies on my porch....I'm moving!
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 74
Is there anybody that is really happy in their lives?
Posted: 3/22/2015 12:15:40 PM

Everyone is now the mini celebrity


And somewhere, Andy Warhol is smiling and saying, "Told ya".
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 75
Is there anybody that is really happy in their lives?
Posted: 3/22/2015 12:55:32 PM
Yeah, except they have WAY gone over their 15 minutes...not that I dont love years and years of the same selfie being taken over and over at the same angle by women desperate for people to tell them "You look great! <3<3"

Heh.
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