Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Dealing with "Just ask me" as a Profile      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 ThePig0fYourDreams
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 51
Dealing with Just ask me as a ProfilePage 3 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
Well, here's the thing. People with no profile filled out probably aren't going to change anything because it's likely working for them.


. If you want someone to start talking to you, then it's polite to give them a starting point.


Tell them your name, then ask theirs to get the ball rolling. Comment on something they're wearing in one of the pictures. Comment on something in the background of one of the pictures. If they're engaging in a particular activity in one of the pictures, comment on it. Hell, tell them you find them attractive. If they find you attractive, they will likely respond.

I just don't see a reason to feel like you're "stumped" on how to initiate conversation.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 52
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 3/31/2015 4:39:48 PM
W>I>P> - sounded like you were trying ( and failing) to make a dig at me
This from someone with a Header
No expectations
Good luck finding someone :/
 Bookbelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 53
view profile
History
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/1/2015 12:33:53 AM
Oh yeah, I totally agree that it's a horses for courses kind of thing. Maybe the blank profile is working for them, and that's fine. I'm not saying that people with blank profiles should change, just that a blank profile is something that will make me think, "next".
For me, part of what I like about OLD (when I do it - I'm not looking right now) is that ideally I can see upfront if I have anything in common, or if we are not a match. It's not that I can't initiate conversation... it's just that if I have no idea what that person is like, or what kind of person they're looking for, I'm less likely to bother starting a conversation with them, than with someone who has filled out their profile and says, for example, that they're hoping to meet someone bookish. That's just my personal opinion, and my personal approach to online dating (when I do it).
And like others have said, it means I can just click over the blank profiles to find someone who is a match for me, like a weeding out process. That's good too.
I'm not particularly bothered about it... I'm just here for the forums, so I'm just making conversation. :)
 forumfellathesequel
Joined: 7/28/2014
Msg: 54
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/1/2015 2:08:06 AM

You apparently did. I like guys who LIKE to read, write, engage in intelligent conversation.


I wish a perfectly commenced conversation didn't descend to hate screed about his ex. Almost every time. My picker requires replacement.


I agree EB, but then there are some you tell them you're still friends with your ex, and that's a red flag to some too...hard to win sometimes!
 Eternityboreme
Joined: 3/18/2015
Msg: 55
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/1/2015 3:45:16 AM
^^That's true.

A healthy connection with the former on some level is normal...and appreciable, especially if there's children between them.

OTOH, I've also encountered prospects with an over-attachment to their ex-whatevers.. and some to the point that the prospect consults with the ex about potential mates.

It'd be nice if people would establish boundaries.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 56
view profile
History
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/1/2015 11:18:52 AM
A lot of this can be blamed on the proliferation of dating site smart phone apps -- I really only started seeing a lot of ridiculously sparse profiles over the past few years. And it's actually not all that easy to key in an impressive profile with a smart phone. Theoretically, this shouldn't really excuse people with sparse profiles -- why not just fill out your profile on a computer, then use your phone for regular site use? But I'm not even sure some young people even realize there is a regular POF website -- after all, there is no regular Tinder website.

Although this is a rare case of me somehow mostly being on Pig's side with this (I will gladly initiate communication with a woman who has essentially nothing in her profile -- in my eyes, that is not a personality flaw), I also agree that one advantage of MOST OLD is that you find out from their profile whether or not you'd be a good match without having to waste extra time getting to know someone with a blank profile who is a bad match. I can see both sides, but I just don't care -- whatever is getting me dates, I will use, whatever route it takes me to get there. The question is, which will be the wave of the future: elaborate profiles like Match or essentially no profiles like Tinder? Older women seem to lean toward Match and POF while younger women are all over Tinder, and men go where the women go. Tinder itself could easily be a fad, though.

Interesting related story: years ago, shortly after the dawn of smart phones, I matched up with a woman whose profile suggested she was an amazing person and a brilliant writer. But all of her responses to my long messages were one or two sentences with hardly any information. Usually that's a strong sign of disinterest, but she kept responding, so I kept writing. We finally somehow ended up meeting and I just outright said that to her: "Usually short responses to long messages are a sign of disinterest, so I wasn't really sure you were interested." She profusely apologized and said she was definitely interested but she had been using her smart phone to send me messages and it was too much trouble to type more than one or two sentences at a time on it. Ever since then, I've been a little more open-minded about profiles and messages in the smart phone world.
 ThePig0fYourDreams
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 57
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/1/2015 12:02:42 PM

Although this is a rare case of me somehow mostly being on Pig's side with this


What you talkin' 'bout, Willis? When have you ever disagreed with me on anything before?

Well, other than my belief that you and VolkanoKing are eventually going to become an "item". The two of you are destined to be the next Romeo and Juliet, the next Luke and Laura, the next Brad and Angelina....of POF.

She's already suggested you moving to L.A. Need I say more??
 Hungry_Heart2704
Joined: 12/29/2014
Msg: 58
view profile
History
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/1/2015 1:36:54 PM
At one time, I had a full profile. I put just about everything in it that I felt someone would want to know. Well, I finally figured out that it doesn't matter. A lot of women here on POF complain that men do not read profiles. (I read profiles before I write.) But I have found that many women do the same exact thing they gripe about men doing. They don't read profiles. I've come across many that don't. So, I finally decided to delete all the info I had in my profile, and pretty much go with "just ask". A lot of them don't read anyway. So, I decided to just let them ask. It saves me aggravation. I'm gonna wind up answering their questions anyway. I figured why not just leave something to talk about.

At one time, I use to skip over profiles like that. Not anymore.
 SLAFFA
Joined: 8/13/2007
Msg: 59
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/1/2015 7:52:36 PM
Well, I would never send a first contact email to such a lady, but I have not sent any emails since a month after joining on the other hand. No SANE guy will stay sane long sending emails at this site unless things have changed. [I joined about 6 months before you] If I had to make an educated guess based on what I see posted in these Forums, I doubt if things have improved any.

IMO, anyone stating they are looking for a LTR, but can't be bothered to write at least a couple of decent paragraphs in their profile, list at least 3 or 4 interests and have at least a couple of "decent" dated pics if not 8 of them is either not real sharp/serious and/or not really seeking a LTR.

BUT... having said all that^^^, the ONLY woman I have "dated" from this site more than a couple of times [for 8 months] wrote to me with NO interests listed, and a 2 line profile and NO pics up only a day or 2 after she joined She sent me a nice email, I replied [as I always do to every email] and she sent me a second email with a pic and her phone #. We talked on the phone that night and met at a Fishmeet 3 days later.

So, nothing is etched in stone. You just never know.

What I find even more egregious than what you describe is RECEIVING an email consisting entirely of "Hi" or "Nice profile". When I do [still] get them, I have found that w/o exception, a simple "Hi" back to them or "Thanks" puts and end to it.
 ThePig0fYourDreams
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 60
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/1/2015 11:30:46 PM


What I find even more egregious than what you describe is RECEIVING an email consisting entirely of "Hi" or "Nice profile". When I do [still] get them, I have found that w/o exception, a simple "Hi" back to them or "Thanks" puts and end to it.


Meaning the "conversation" comes to an end?? Well, reply with something other than "hi" or "thanks". Get her talking about herself.

Oh, but wait. Why should you have to make more effort than her, right? Well, if she initiated contact, I don't see the big deal.

So many people on the forums who are frustrated seem to forget why they are here, which is to find somebody, but they keep getting caught up in letting pettiness stand in their way. Relinquish all the nonsensical "why should I have to___ if she doesn't!", "hey, that's not fair!" crap, and you might begin to have better experiences here.
 Eternityboreme
Joined: 3/18/2015
Msg: 61
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/2/2015 3:08:54 AM
I responded to a man who's profile was written in all CAPS and to a received an e-mail from him in which he had set himself up for rejection. This intrigued me, and we eventually go to phone calls and spoke about a range of topics. Unfortunately, it won't go beyond just phone calls -- so I put an end to it. Still, I learned from it!

My curiosity is why I continue to get date;, and if not, lead me to interesting dialogue with a range of people.

I agree -- just say return the hello; ask the person about their day; and ignite a meaningful, interesting conversation...even if it's just an exercise in communication. What's so bloody hard about it?
 Eternityboreme
Joined: 3/18/2015
Msg: 62
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/2/2015 3:17:43 AM

At one time, I had a full profile. I put just about everything in it that I felt someone would want to know. Well, I finally figured out that it doesn't matter. A lot of women here on POF complain that men do not read profiles. (I read profiles before I write.) But I have found that many women do the same exact thing they gripe about men doing. They don't read profiles. I've come across many that don't. So, I finally decided to delete all the info I had in my profile, and pretty much go with "just ask". A lot of them don't read anyway. So, I decided to just let them ask. It saves me aggravation. I'm gonna wind up answering their questions anyway. I figured why not just leave something to talk about.


I'd rather read a disorganized rant in all CAPS for a profile than a "just ask me (e.g.,I don't give a damn)" empty one without a thread of my interest sewn to it. I won't reply and I refuse to play guessing games when getting to know somebody else.

At least the rants I have read (and I'm not referring to the whiny ones) were interesting and evoked emotions/thoughts/interest within me; and that's what I appreciate.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 63
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/2/2015 7:53:17 PM

The first meet went well. She was very talkative, attractive, funny, said she couldn't wait to see me again as we were leaving, etc., but turned into a total shithead the next time I texted her. I texted her back, and told her she was much more fun in person, and then I was done with her.

I should also mention that I have absolutely no fear of bad experiences. I find they are often f*cking hilarious, actually.

I don't either once a meeting is set, but if I can prevent meeting someone that I don't match with in the first place (and vice versa, two people are saving some time and energy) then I will.

I believe it's the most common complaint I see here other than lack of replies to messages. For these people, I still believe it's silly to make it more complicated for yourself if you're already struggling, and no, it's not about racking up the most meets, but it is about doing something other than spending a Friday or Saturday night here venting about how shitty the POF experience has been.

OK, "for those people" being the operative phrase. Noted. I agree some people perhaps should meet anyone they message with here so as not to narrow their options. Others are OK with screening a little.

The thing I think about blank profiles where the only thing the person has written is "just ask me", is that in my opinion, it kind of negates the point of an online dating profile. To my mind, part of the whole point of online dating, is that you can see by someone's profile whether you have anything in common, what kind of relationship they're looking for (if any), if they're religious or not, if they want kids/have kids, what their hobbies are, etc etc. If all they have is a photo or two and "just ask", I might as well just be asking random people I see walking down the street. In which case, why have a profile?
Writing about yourself on your profile gives people an "in" - something with which to start a conversation: "I saw on your profile that your a fan of band XYZ. What's your favourite song/album of theirs? I saw them in concert last month and they're totally worth seeing live!" and so on.

If you meet someone IRL, do you start there with, "So, what do you want to know about me?" No. Also, generally when you meet someone in real life situations, you can start by talking about the venue/activity, or asking how they know the person who introduced you, or asking where their accent is from (if applicable). If you meet at a beer festival for example and are both drinking *insert beer type here*, you presumably have something in common.
On an online dating profile, all someone has to go on is your profile, rather than all the cues listed above. If all you've put is "just ask me", you're expecting the other person to not only make all the effort in starting the conversation, you're expecting them to be interested enough in you from a few pictures and no information apart from your height/body type/location etc, if you've even bothered to fill that in, too. If you want someone to start talking to you, then it's polite to give them a starting point.

For me personally, a blank "just ask me" profile doesn't SELL the person the way I think online dating profiles are supposed to. Surely, people create a profile hoping to find a match, right? You're effectively advertising yourself, in the hope of finding someone you click with. IMO, "just ask", isn't much of an advertisement.

EXACTLY.

Well, here's the thing. People with no profile filled out probably aren't going to change anything because it's likely working for them.

So everyone's happy. People with these profiles get what they want, and people who eliminate them as an option due to the profile being the way it is get what they want. Sweet.

Tell them your name, then ask theirs to get the ball rolling. Comment on something they're wearing in one of the pictures. Comment on something in the background of one of the pictures. If they're engaging in a particular activity in one of the pictures, comment on it. Hell, tell them you find them attractive. If they find you attractive, they will likely respond.

I just don't see a reason to feel like you're "stumped" on how to initiate conversation.

It's not a matter of being stumped, it's wanting to date, looking for dates but then giving them nothing to go on about who you are and what kind of potential match you might be. It's counter productive to you if you are trying to actually sell yourself.

W>I>P> - sounded like you were trying ( and failing) to make a dig at me
This from someone with a Header
No expectations
Good luck finding someone :/

I'm not subtle, I would have just insulted you straight out if I was trying to. I'm directly saying I actively screen for what I want in someone. I wasn't saying others don't want that because they don't screen - I'm simply talking about what I do. You may have met a person who reads, writes, speaks intelligently despite not screening for that. It's not the rule, it's the exception.

And I'm not looking, so finding someone here or anywhere else isn't really relevant.
 ThePig0fYourDreams
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 64
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/2/2015 9:04:02 PM

So everyone's happy. People with these profiles get what they want, and people who eliminate them as an option due to the profile being the way it is get what they want. Sweet.


No, not everyone's happy, and they express it here with their complaints. They are generally the ones who refuse to change even the slightest thing in their approach to all of this.

I have no qualms with anyone handling things their own way here if they're happy with it, but once the complaining starts, I can't help but tell them to change their ways or shut their piehole. Their silly acts of protest and ranting aren't going to change a thing.


It's not a matter of being stumped, it's wanting to date, looking for dates but then giving them nothing to go on about who you are and what kind of potential match you might be. It's counter productive to you if you are trying to actually sell yourself.


Don't let the fact that we have a few hard ass men here on the forums who have as many "musts" and "must-nots" as the women they complain about fool you. The pictures do essentially all the selling for women, and they don't care about the few guys who have a penchant for cutting their nose off to spite their face.
 anguilla1980
Joined: 7/19/2014
Msg: 65
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/2/2015 9:27:53 PM
You are way over thinking it OP. Don't even waste your time with a profile like that. Chances are their responses will be just as short, lacking depth of any kind as well. Don't know about you, but the last thing I want is someone I have to lead every conversation with because they are so shallow minded and one sided of a personality.
 ThePig0fYourDreams
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 66
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/2/2015 10:21:27 PM

Chances are their responses will be just as short, lacking depth of any kind as well.


You know this from the many times you've tried or are you just assuming?
 anguilla1980
Joined: 7/19/2014
Msg: 67
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/2/2015 10:26:48 PM
Experience. Like I said, chances are they will just answer the questions you put forth and not ask one back. Makes for way too boring of a person for me.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 68
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/3/2015 7:33:11 AM
^^^Well, my experience has been that my enthusiasm for responding to
questions is directly related to how I feel about the person asking them.
It's possible you're mistaking a boring person for a person not interested.

But I dunno.

I've never had trouble having a conversation with someone I liked, and I'm
rarely bored with interesting people. I suppose it's possible to miss out on
someone because you assume that everyone with a just ask me profile is
boring.

Don't make the mistake of confusing personality with attitude.
My personality is who I am, my attitude is who you are.
 anguilla1980
Joined: 7/19/2014
Msg: 69
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/3/2015 9:37:33 AM
You're quite right. I wasn't really stating it as a hard and fast rule about everyone though, just my general feeling for *most* of them who have profiles like that.

Let's just be honest, anyone who puts "Just ask me" as their about really isn't trying. They probably created the profile out of boredom or are just looking for hook up and not anything serious. Some are even prostitutes, let's be honest, although those profiles are really easy to spot.

Again, that's a generalization, doesn't apply 100%.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 70
view profile
History
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/3/2015 11:44:35 AM
I don't expect War and Peace or anything...just NOT that interested in those just ask me deals....

If the first contact message is good, then I don't care...But a First contact of "Hi" or "how are you", and when I look at their profile there's the 'just ask'....

Well...if I'm super bored I may continue the convo, but generally somebody who has that on their profile is also NOT terribly talkative, and for me it just screams...HOOK UP!!!

Pass....
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 71
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/3/2015 1:06:25 PM

I can't help but tell them to change their ways or shut their piehole.


*applauses*



Experience. Like I said, chances are they will just answer the questions you put forth and not ask one back. Makes for way too boring of a person for me.


I hate to break it to you but unless you are spending time with these women you call shallow with one sided personality due to their short responses to you, you can't claim this reason.
I, as a women can honestly say, it's not their personality, it's because they aren't that into you. If they liked you, you would have received longer if not more in depth responses.You got boring because they don't want to lead you on. They talk hoping something about you will spark interest in them and THEN the fun and interest towards you starts. Or... they are just being nice, killing time chatting while someone they are into comes along.
 Hungry_Heart2704
Joined: 12/29/2014
Msg: 72
view profile
History
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/3/2015 8:56:17 PM

I hate to break it to you but unless you are spending time with these women you call shallow with one-sided personality due to their short responses to you, you can't claim this reason.
I, as a women can honestly say, it's not their personality, it's because they aren't that into you. If they liked you, you would have received longer if not more in depth responses.You got boring because they don't want to lead you on. They talk hoping something about you will spark interest in them and THEN the fun and interest towards you starts. Or... they are just being nice, killing time chatting while someone they are into comes along.


Well, All I can speak for is what I've seen in my part of the POF world.

I shortened up my profile for two reasons. (1) Most don't seem to read it anyway. (2) The great majority seem conversationally challenged. Every now and then I come across one that will answer and carry her end of the conversation. But most of the time, they can't seem to keep up with me. They come across like they are bored. I don't mean just with me. I mean everything. It seems that with a lot of them, If I don't carry most if not almost all the conversation, they don't know what to do. It's like, most of the ones in my age bracket have been married 15 to 20 years at least. I can't help but wonder, "During your marriage did you ever talk to each other?"

When you come here looking for a connection with a man or woman, If you don't know the art of conversation, you're screwed before you ever start. So, With the great majority seeming to have very little to no conversation skills and too lazy to read, I see no point in typing out this huge dissertation about myself. If you want to know you will talk to me. If you don't have the conversation skills, or, are too lazy to read or to ask about me, I'm gonna lose interest in you. It's that simple. One last thing. I know that women want men to show interest in them by asking questions and just general talking. But, it works both ways. Men like a woman to show interest back. And most of the ones I come across here, won't.
 ThePig0fYourDreams
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 73
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/4/2015 12:40:55 AM
Love it or hate it, we live in a fast paced world today. One of the reasons (and arguably the biggest, perhaps) many don't read profiles is because a lot of people simply go overboard with them. They wouldn't know "concise" if it came up and sodomized them with a cactus. They ramble, and ramble, and ramble, and after they ramble, they ramble a little bit more. No one wants to read all of that shit.

Hell, I've seen quite a few profiles from women that have basically been turned into diaries, where they have dated updates of their POF experiences. They are f*cking comical to read.

Well, until about half way through, anyway, then you start dozing off from the monotony.
 forumfellathesequel
Joined: 7/28/2014
Msg: 74
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/4/2015 6:36:55 AM

Well, All I can speak for is what I've seen in my part of the POF world.

I shortened up my profile for two reasons. (1) Most don't seem to read it anyway. (2) The great majority seem conversationally challenged. Every now and then I come across one that will answer and carry her end of the conversation. But most of the time, they can't seem to keep up with me. They come across like they are bored. I don't mean just with me. I mean everything. It seems that with a lot of them, If I don't carry most if not almost all the conversation, they don't know what to do. It's like, most of the ones in my age bracket have been married 15 to 20 years at least. I can't help but wonder, "During your marriage did you ever talk to each other?"


Look, if they like your picture, and think you're attractive...they will endure any kind of profile to find out more about you, why overthink this??
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/5/2015 9:37:06 AM

They wouldn't know "concise" if it came up and sodomized them with a cactus.

Pig, you have such a lovely way with words. Really funny there.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Dealing with "Just ask me" as a Profile