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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Dealing with "Just ask me" as a Profile      Home login  
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 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 76
Dealing with Just ask me as a ProfilePage 4 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

Look, if they like your picture, and think you're attractive...they will endure any kind of profile to find out more about you, why over think this??

Then I'm doing it wrong. I require attraction - but if I'm going to bother with someone for more than 10 minutes, I need them to have more going for them than that. I have looked at a decent amount of profiles with no content (or a rant or a spell check/grammar nightmare) and thought "what a shame, he's cute" and moved on to another profile.

While someone has to like looking at your face/body - thinking that's all you need to provide to participate is a mistake. You will lose some prospective dates by doing that. Of course if you have nothing to say, then your profile is accurate to who you are. Don't change it. You'll match with people who like that.
 DayTripLover
Joined: 3/16/2014
Msg: 77
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/6/2015 7:55:02 AM
When I see "Just ask me" it's an automatic next for me. To me it's lazy. It also says to me that you think your face and body is all you need to get by, and that you're going to do very little to participate. If you can't at least share a bit of your personality, then I'm not even going to bother with you.
 Hungry_Heart2704
Joined: 12/29/2014
Msg: 78
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Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/6/2015 9:20:04 AM

Look, if they like your picture, and think you're attractive...they will endure any kind of profile to find out more about you, why overthink this??


Then I guess I'm SOL.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 79
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Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/6/2015 12:06:03 PM
As much as it pains me to be on WIP’s side on anything, I’m much more apt to defend “Hi” people than “Just ask” people, and people who are doing BOTH on THIS site barely have a leg to stand on. Theoretically you can get away with “Hi” if you have a comprehensive profile to back up such a sparse introduction. And maybe you can get away with “Just ask” if your opening messages are troves of information. But the latter is obviously far more inefficient than the former – you use your profile over and over again with “Hi,” but you have to come up with something brilliant to start with each time if your profile says “Just ask.”

Of course, now I will completely contradict myself. After years of strong profiles, I recently decided to strip down to a bare bones one for a while after someone said something to me about my profile being intimidating to the type of women who are willing to date someone who looks like me, which maybe they have a point. My female equivalent is not going to date me – accomplished women have too many stronger options to seriously consider me. And I’m not getting any unsolicited views – I’ve had one this past month, so there is no one for my profile to impress. So my new strategy is to send less accomplished women above-average emails from a below-average profile. Hard to say if it’s working yet, but I have gotten a few responses (that have gone nowhere). Do I really want to date these “less accomplished” women is of some question, but I’m well aware at this point that beggars can’t be choosers.
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/6/2015 3:45:00 PM

Of course if you have nothing to say, then your profile is accurate to who you are. Don't change it. You'll match with people who like that.

This is the best way to think of it. Many of the complaints that we see in here are moot in this way...making the observations is inevitable and fun sometimes for us, but otherwise realize that these things show you who you're not meant for. Look for who you're looking for, and don't get too hung up on a frustration with things being done a certain way by those who are therefore not who you should be looking for.
 ThePig0fYourDreams
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 81
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/6/2015 7:50:10 PM
Hawking. No offense, man....but most of your posts could give ASPIRIN a headache. Your mind is killing you. Let it go on vacation for a little while. Let it drift off to a far away island where negative thought does not exist. Only ass and titties, ass and titties.


As much as it pains me to be on WIP’s side on anything


Why would it pain you? I remember her from before I came back, and agreed with her 98% of the time. This is one of those times we don't agree, but I'm still a fan.
 Hungry_Heart2704
Joined: 12/29/2014
Msg: 82
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Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/6/2015 8:37:33 PM
I have one on the hook right now. I swear there has to be something wrong with these people. She has Been married twice. Not a bad looking woman. But, I'm having to pull EVERYTHING out of her. Not forthcoming with NOTHING! She hasn't asked me diddle squat about me. I'm doing all the asking.

Even when I have a full profile, they will not ask me anything. A "just ask me" profile, and they still don't ask anything. To me, every time I come across one like this, it makes me think that they feel it's all about them. Entertain me.
 MVistro
Joined: 10/5/2013
Msg: 83
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Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/6/2015 10:35:08 PM
I never reply or send messages to the "Ask me" profiles. Since I took the time to make a detailed profile, I expect the same from women. It shouldn't be that hard to come up with a concise summary describing yourself. I find a well-written profile to be more appealing than the photos she presents. Other guys can fall for her beauty, but not me. I love reading profiles. Yes.... I fall for well-written ones.
 ThePig0fYourDreams
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 84
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/6/2015 11:35:53 PM
^
So, does this mean you'll engage in communication with someone who has no pictures??
 Eternityboreme
Joined: 3/18/2015
Msg: 85
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/7/2015 5:13:12 AM

I have one on the hook right now. I swear there has to be something wrong with these people. She has Been married twice. Not a bad looking woman. But, I'm having to pull EVERYTHING out of her. Not forthcoming with NOTHING! She hasn't asked me diddle squat about me. I'm doing all the asking.


Why do you continue to torture yourself? It's evident she isn't interested in you.
 Eternityboreme
Joined: 3/18/2015
Msg: 86
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/7/2015 5:14:53 AM

Of course, now I will completely contradict myself. After years of strong profiles, I recently decided to strip down to a bare bones one for a while after someone said something to me about my profile being intimidating to the type of women who are willing to date someone who looks like me, which maybe they have a point. My female equivalent is not going to date me – accomplished women have too many stronger options to seriously consider me. And I’m not getting any unsolicited views – I’ve had one this past month, so there is no one for my profile to impress. So my new strategy is to send less accomplished women above-average emails from a below-average profile. Hard to say if it’s working yet, but I have gotten a few responses (that have gone nowhere). Do I really want to date these “less accomplished” women is of some question, but I’m well aware at this point that beggars can’t be choosers.


What is your definition of "accomplished"?
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 87
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Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/7/2015 7:28:02 AM
“Why would it pain you? I remember her from before I came back, and agreed with her 98% of the time.”

I agree with her about 2% of the time. By the transitive property, this means I probably agree with you about 2% of the time. Seems about right.

Actually, I probably with both of you slightly more than that. I just rarely jump into any discussions in which I agree with you guys, because that’s no fun at all. This one is much more complicated and aspirin-worthy since I both agree and disagree with both of you. It's like a Schrodinger's cat discussion.

“So, does this mean you'll engage in communication with someone who has no pictures??”

If a woman with a pictureless profile initiates contact and her profile is otherwise appealing, I will engage in communication with her. In fact, years ago on this site that happened and after a few months of communicating, she sent me a picture, and she was above-average looking, verified by our eventual meeting. But I do not actively initiate contact with pictureless profiles, because I require physical attraction in order to be romantically interested in a woman. That said, once in a blue moon out of sheer boredom or desperation I will go on an “atypical” binder just to see what happens: contact a couple dozen pictureless profiles, or a couple dozen BBWs, or a couple dozen mothers, or a couple dozen six feet tall women.

“Why do you continue to torture yourself? It's evident she isn't interested in you.”

I cannot speak for the guy you are responding to, but for me personally, I get so few responses that disinterested responses are more interesting (and hopeful) than no responses. It is extremely rare that a woman sends me the last ever email (other than outright rejection emails). I will just keep responding so long as she keeps responding, assuming all hell isn’t breaking loose around me. But, yes, often it is a bit of torture, trying to keep a conversation like that going. Again, though – my “dream girl” did that to me, and I ended up meeting her. I mean, there was NO WAY I was going to drop that seemingly disinterested conversation because of how attractive she was in every possible way, but the handful of times I have dropped a disinterested conversation, it was because I was never really attracted to her to begin with and therefore not worth the effort of continuously trying to drag words out of her. I will say those are better situations than a woman who is sending verbose enthusiastic responses but is actually only interested in you as a friend or a scientific experiment without telling you that upfront (which has happened to me far too often -- several times I got into year-long communications with women on here doing that to me and never met them, of course. Vampires).

“What is your definition of ‘accomplished’?”

Like me: college-educated and intelligent, accelerating career, interesting hobbies, etc. I’ve started sending emails to women with high school educations that work at McDonalds and have “getting drunk” as their top interests. Like I said, I’m getting some responses (higher rate than from college-educated, professional career women), but they are also sort of like Dug from “Up”: SQUIRREL!
 overunity
Joined: 8/16/2014
Msg: 88
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Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/7/2015 8:26:45 AM
^^^ If you email/talk in person like your unbelievably long posts here, you are simply boring people into disinterest.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 89
trying to get JAM to just date me
Posted: 4/7/2015 8:49:08 AM
little piggy may have gone to market, but he also got it right when he wrote:

"Well, here's the thing. People with no profile filled out probably aren't going to change anything because it's likely working for them. "

if taking the easy way out didn't work, people would either add more to their profile, or ditch the site to complain that OLD sucks.

(and yes, for some, the goal is to do little and then be happy that they failed, claiming its not their fault)

we don't worry what ugly people do to shortchange themselves. because it doesn't interest us. some hottie who only puts JAM as a filter--we'll ask, they'll make the decision--is doing what works for them. Perhaps in the real world, they don't have to chase either, people chase them. Or hey, maybe they only want two things in a partner--looks and comfort. leave 'em to their way of doing things.

if you can't beat their filter, guess what--you wouldn't have been a good match. thank you for playing.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 90
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Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/7/2015 1:04:30 PM
"If you email/talk in person like your unbelievably long posts here, you are simply boring people into disinterest."

As is the theme of this thread, different strokes for different folks: I find all of your one sentence posts vapid and therefore disinteresting, just like the one sentence replies I often get from women on this site. That said, as I've said many times as you will know if you're such a powerful documentarian of my work, my posting style is very cut throat debate oriented and nothing like my speaking, creative writing or email styles -- in fact, I adapt my communication to that of the person I'm communicating with, creating in essence a character that person would like, while still being factual about myself. To most that would probably be tricky, but after 30+ years of creating voices for hundreds of characters, it is pretty much second nature at this point.

* * * * *

Related to my previous statement in this thread: "The question is, which will be the wave of the future: elaborate profiles like Match or essentially no profiles like Tinder?" By complete coincidence, this Washington Post article about exactly that, except using the example of eH instead of Match, came out today:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/business/wp/2015/04/06/online-datings-age-wars-inside-tinder-and-eharmonys-fight-for-our-love-lives/

I won't repost the whole thing because I know how much you guys hate my long posts, even when I'm not the one who wrote the words, but at least one paragraph directly related to THIS discussion:

***Some have argued that Tinder’s model — of love (or lust) at first swipe — is actually closer to the future of online dating not just for young singles, but for daters of all ages. Eli J. Finkel, a Northwestern University psychology professor who has studied online dating, has called superficiality “Tinder’s greatest asset,” arguing that the service is actually closer than profile matchmaking to that old style of dating: catching someone’s eye and, knowing nothing about their background, feeling a sense of attraction from across the room.***

I mean, the whole article is EXTREMELY germane to this discussion, but that one in particular stood out. Although I mostly agree with that paragraph, I would argue, as someone else in this thread already pointed out, often the difference between Tinder and "catching someone's eye" in real life is that in real life, most likely the both of you catch each other's eye at a place that is a common interest to you both, so it's not like you truly "know nothing" about their background. Of course, if you're at a bar, you might very well know next-to-nothing about their background -- just that they like to drink (ironically, that wouldn't be true if I caught someone's eye at a bar, because I don't drink -- yet because my friends do, I'm still frequently in bars).
 overunity
Joined: 8/16/2014
Msg: 91
view profile
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Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/7/2015 2:22:28 PM
^^^ Your scheme doesn't seem to be working out that well, lol.
 Hungry_Heart2704
Joined: 12/29/2014
Msg: 92
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Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/7/2015 4:42:12 PM

Why do you continue to torture yourself? It's evident she isn't interested in you.


Quite possible. But, With that thought, None of them are. Almost all of them are that way. You have to pull everything out of them. If you're that disinterested and bored, Why bother at all? Seems pointless to me. But now, I will say this. Sometimes I think some are that way because of the sex maniacs that creep around here all the time. They never know who they can talk to and who will disrespect them with their crude offers.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 93
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/7/2015 4:55:12 PM
MVistro
You have spelling errors
Why suddenly have the forums become blogs? I scroll ... remember EB White had a point.
I should meet a sex maniac LOL. I think most happens in their minds and on their parents hide a bed.
Off to tidy the Mothership, incoming :/
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/7/2015 5:50:20 PM
Hungry_Heart2704:

I have one on the hook right now. I swear there has to be something wrong with these people. She has Been married twice. Not a bad looking woman. But, I'm having to pull EVERYTHING out of her. Not forthcoming with NOTHING! She hasn't asked me diddle squat about me. I'm doing all the asking.

Even when I have a full profile, they will not ask me anything. A "just ask me" profile, and they still don't ask anything. To me, every time I come across one like this, it makes me think that they feel it's all about them. Entertain me.

Oops. Be careful. If you're doing all that, and really getting nothing at all...I'd wonder. And, is she even real?


thepig0fyourdreams:

So, does this mean you'll engage in communication with someone who has no pictures??

I don't know if this is what you're getting at, but it does make me think of something that I have a certain opinion on -

It pretty much has to do with the idea of just caring about looks being shallow. I've never agreed, and why is what I think might be interesting. Just caring about looks isn't what I myself am about, and I wouldn't really defend or criticize it. But I feel that thinking of it a certain way allows some people to confuse themselves - it's characterizing this as "shallow".

I don't think that only caring about looks should be thought of as shallow. Likewise I don't think that requiring a picture or that someone be attractive, when you still require more than them being attractive, is shallow either.

I think that shallow should be reserved for how you judge someone to be a possibility or worthy of your interest. Meaning...if you only care about looks, then that's fine. But if you don't look very much further and deem someone really cool because you're enamored by their appearance, then that's shallow. Or, if you haven't seen someone at all, but emailing or phone conversation has impressed you and you assume that they are attractive, then that's every bit as shallow. If you don't care what they look like, then it's not shallow.

So my point is...considering the inside versus the outside, I think that this dynamic works in both directions. Outside and inside shouldn't have this unequal parity. Neither should have this higher standing. It doesn't really have much useful meaning to say that liking one is shallow, but liking the other isn't. Instead, what should be described with a word like shallow should be, say, if you kinda-sorta make premature assumptions of one based on the other. In either direction.
 Hungry_Heart2704
Joined: 12/29/2014
Msg: 95
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Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/8/2015 11:32:15 AM

Oops. Be careful. If you're doing all that, and really getting nothing at all...I'd wonder. And, is she even real?



Oh yeah, She's real. I learned long ago how to tell the real from the fake. It's just another conversationally challenged person. I must have tripped her up when I asked her what kind of work she did. She read it, Never answered. That's OK. No big deal. To many of them to worry about one.
 Cycling99
Joined: 12/14/2014
Msg: 96
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/9/2015 6:05:27 AM
Everytime I read "ask" on a profile I ROTFLMAO and think "NO. Go suck a lemon!" True story!

Hope they have chapped lips?!
 tgif111
Joined: 10/24/2014
Msg: 97
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/9/2015 7:25:03 AM
when I see "just ask" it's usually an attractive or pleasant appearing woman relying wholly on their photos to get them through.

they may not have a personality because no one has asked them for one. their beauty has got them through.
 ThePig0fYourDreams
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 98
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/14/2015 1:27:28 PM
All of you complaining about the "just ask me" profiles will LOVE the profile I last read.

The about me section was this... "I like sushi and my family".

Nothing else.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 99
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/14/2015 4:54:46 PM
So many Qs
Are you going for Sushi with her and her family
Is she planning to turn her family into Sushi?
She was clearly hot
Lets hope she knows Sushi refers to the rice.
I like Sushi
 phinatic14
Joined: 5/10/2013
Msg: 100
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/14/2015 5:32:11 PM
It's very simple really. A lot of women have "just ask me" in their profile. It's complete laziness. It only points to one thing: they are here for the ego boost. Do what I do: call them on their laziness. They're not going to respond anyway, so why be nice? I might ask them if they have a headache now, because "just ask me" as your description definitely took a lot of work. I might tell them to go back to school and pay attention in English class this time, etc. Have a little fun.
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