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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Dealing with "Just ask me" as a Profile      Home login  
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 Justmytypewriter
Joined: 2/8/2011
Msg: 126
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Dealing with Just ask me as a ProfilePage 6 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
"Just ask me" makes me move on to the next profile. If a man can't put forth any effort into creating a decent, somewhat self-reflecting profile, I most certainly can't be prevailed upon to do the work for him. I don't date lazy guys. Or maybe they are indeed that bland and boring. In which case I also wouldn't want to be around them, because who wants to date someone bland and boring? Exactly. Either way, "just ask me" means "move on to the the next person."
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 127
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Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/18/2015 4:45:07 PM
"Just ask me" suggests evasiveness. Perhaps they will tailor the answers according to what they perceive will impress any particular woman. It is all a waste of time as very few women will bother to contact the guy to find out more details. Men need to be pro active on dating sites, sell themselves big time, to even get any kind of response.
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 128
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/18/2015 6:14:22 PM


Men need to be pro active on dating sites, sell themselves big time, to even get any kind of response.


I must not be horny enough to give a sh!t.

I don't initiate contact. Ever.

I get about 10 emails a week between Match and PoF, in addition to the other 'novelties' such as favorites, winks and meet me stuff.

At least 2 are engaging enough that I'll consider inviting them out to dinner (you read that right).

None of this 'return on investment' inbox statistics crap I read about here in the forums. That sounds like desperation, IMHO.
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 129
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Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/18/2015 10:57:24 PM
^ word up.

message is long enough to post.
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 130
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/18/2015 11:07:15 PM

I don't initiate contact. Ever.


I seldom do....but


I get about 10 emails a week between Match and PoF, in addition to the other 'novelties' such as favorites, winks and meet me stuff.


I get about the same just from pof. If distance wasn't such a big factor......this would or could actually work.



None of this 'return on investment' inbox statistics crap I read about here in the forums. That sounds like desperation


Agreed.....
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 131
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/19/2015 7:26:05 AM
The last three guys have the right attitude. Perhaps some of the other guys here could take some notes? Dating is nice but it's not a requirement to live your life.

However if you are the type to refuse to calm down about it and prefer to relentlessly pursue pairing off, then making people work hard to learn about you in places you're looking to connect won't really be a productive approach. There is nothing about a person who types "ask me" that says "dateable".

Sorry.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 132
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Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/20/2015 7:23:43 AM
“The last three guys have the right attitude. Perhaps some of the other guys here could take some notes?”

The note I took from those guys was “I get about 10 emails a week between Match and PoF.” That’s 520 emails a year. Do you know how many first contact emails I got last year from all dating services combined? 1. Do you know how many first contact emails I received in all of 2013? 1. Do you know how many first contact emails I have almost halfway through this year? Zero. And my profile most definitely has never said “Ask me.”

It’s easy to have the “right attitude” when all you have to do is sit back and let the dating prospects come to you. It’s easy to say “Dating is nice but it's not a requirement to live your life” when you’re always dating or always have dating options even when you don’t feel like dating. Until you go 8 years without a date, you don’t have any idea what the difference between “nice” and “requirement” is.

Unlike any of the rest of you, I have *no choice* but to work really hard to find dating prospects because I have certain characteristics that nearly all women automatically exclude from their searches. Now I know what you’re going to say, WIP – do I really have “no choice"? But, if I *choose* the same “calm” strategy those guys chose, I will end up with 1 (or zero) prospects a year instead of the 520 they get, because I am not them and I am not you. I was not blessed with the ability to just lie around and get hundreds of prospects served to me on a silver platter.

CrookCatcher: Come on. I want you to do it. Come on... hit me! HIT ME!
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 133
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/20/2015 9:57:16 AM
what I took from the 3 posters was, they don't bother initiating. WiP has mentioned in the past she isn't a fan of pushy men, so I thought that's what she was referring to. but her other point of men not taking things so seriously, i'll work with that.

But I have to agree with ol' HawkSpirit--its easy to wait for responses when they're pouring in. I haven't "done the work", and its been 13 years so far of dry spell. there is a middle ground between putting in some effort, and looking desperate. but then that gets us back to the "Ask me" profile. send an email to them, then move on. AskMe is a creep filter, if they are really hot. try your best shot, and don't worry about not making the cut--you probably won't. kinda like, "if you have to ask the price, you probably don't have the money."

some things in life, you just can't have. and we all have that day where that's true.
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 134
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Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/20/2015 11:12:04 AM
Oh maaan! Do I really hafta clarify myself? Formally denounce the words that didn't come out of my mouth anyway? Don't let womaninprogress or anyone else speak for me. I speak for myself. I just don't wanna. No, I don't wanna. I wanna keep playing with my crayons. I'm trying to stay inside the lines over here.
 silver_sparks
Joined: 4/13/2015
Msg: 135
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/20/2015 11:43:44 AM
I view a lot of profiles but rarely send an introductory message.
If I do, it's because they've provided enough personal information to pique my interest.
So the "just ask me" approach won't generate a response from me.

I think it's a bit immature and rude to ask someone to put forth an effort when none has been applied.
And it makes me wonder if I should expect this attitude to continue throughout a relationship with this person.

I may be missing a lot of opportunities to connect with compatible people, but I doubt it.
Polite, friendly, outgoing, confident people are able to demonstrate their social abilities online.
Mature, educated, cultured and skilled people realize that effort equals results.
Members who are serious about dating will have a profile that includes basic info and text and be willing to initiate contact and correspond with others.
These are the types of people that interest me, and these are the types of people I correspond with.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 136
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/20/2015 7:15:22 PM
"men need to be proactive on dating sites, sell themselves big time to even get any kind or response

I must not be horny enough to give a sh!t.I don't initiate contact. Ever.

I get about 10 emails a week between Match and PoF, in addition to the other 'novelties' such as favorites, winks and meet me stuff. At least 2 are engaging enough that I'll consider inviting them out to dinner (you read that right).

None of this 'return on investment' inbox statistics crap I read about here in the forums. That sounds like desperation, IMHO.

^^^word up"

>>>seems clear to me. easy enough a cave man can do it.

if some procedure works for someone, bully for them. as the commericals say at end, your mileage may differ. Like the above said, if someone's profile is short and sweet, you know they're a waste of your time, move on. If they weren't that good looking, it would be easy to swallow. Its likely the fact they are hot enough to get away with JAM, that drives us all nuts.
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 137
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/20/2015 7:40:22 PM
Obviously all of you who skip those "just ask me" profiles can afford to do so because what you are doing is working so well and there is no reason to question your assumptions.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 138
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/21/2015 9:28:00 PM

what I took from the 3 posters was, they don't bother initiating. WiP has mentioned in the past she isn't a fan of pushy men, so I thought that's what she was referring to. but her other point of men not taking things so seriously, i'll work with that.

You would be correct - the not taking things too seriously is what I was getting at.

Obviously all of you who skip those "just ask me" profiles can afford to do so because what you are doing is working so well and there is no reason to question your assumptions.

What works for me is not to get so worked up about being single - I don't see the horror in it that some do I guess. Then, I'm being open to something should it materialize, but not hoping, pining, planning for it - if it does happen, great - if it doesn't, also great. The bottom line for me is to adjust my mindset to eliminate frustration and stress - that stuff is bad for your health. While dating is nice and finding someone is cool, neither define the meaning of life for me but are rather a nice welcome addition to an already peaceful life should it occur.

I'm good with single therefore don't have to make do with anyone's lazy attempt at participating. I can pretty much hold out for whatever I want since I'm fine anyway if it never happens. Therefore a person who types "ask me" is in no way shape or form someone I would have anything in common with and it makes no sense to give it a second thought.
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 139
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/21/2015 9:49:38 PM

CrookCatcher: Come on. I want you to do it. Come on... hit me! HIT ME!


Well dang I just happened to see this. Not sure what you're referencing but ok I'll play.....ready?.....tag you're it.

Wait a minute......are you upset because you think I lay around and have five hundred and twenty prospects beating down the door?

Well I've got news for you ....I don't just lay around! Sometimes I sit, walk or maybe even drive my hobby roadster convertible.

It's physically and emotionally draining to have that volume of women after you continuously. Consider yourself lucky you don't have to suffer through something like this every frickin day. Never ending decisions of brunettes, blondes or redheads, her place or mine, should I accept this one's gifts and not the others? Oh the trials and tribulations are endless.

Consider yourself lucky my man.....it's
really....really....tough living this way.











Said no man ever........
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 140
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/22/2015 5:00:15 AM
Damn it Hawkings, there's three more in the inbox this morning! I hope you're happy now. Don't believe me? Well ......just ask me.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 141
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Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/22/2015 8:10:28 AM
Crookcatcher: That was a Joker quote from “Dark Knight,” directed at you because you previously came out of nowhere to “hit me” in another thread. I will give you credit where credit is due, though – your last couple of posts were pretty funny. Look who the Joker is now!

“You would be correct - the not taking things too seriously is what I was getting at.”

Again, it’s easy to not take things seriously when you can put no effort into them and still frequently have positive results. No effort for me on POF = no results... at all. If I could get 10% the results of Crookcatcher or Clooneystutor or 1% the results you get from doing absolutely nothing except having a strong profile and nice pics, then, sure, I could have your breezy attitude about it. But that’s just not how the world works for me. If I have a “no concerns”/ “no effort” attitude, I will get 1 or zero emails a year – if any of you were getting that number of first contact emails, I bet you’d be a little more concerned about your circumstances. Through lots of hard work, instead I get a few dozen (that go nowhere).

This isn’t really about being able to handle or being satisfied with a life of singlehood. I have been single for more than 90% of my life, including the last 8 years straight. It is essentially the only life I know. But there is overwhelming proof that me just sitting around waiting for a woman to show interest in me leads to that not happening, no matter what I write in my profile or how much I “put myself out there” IRL, so I’m not sure how “desperate” it is to put effort into preventing nothing from happening when that is nearly a guaranteed result with a lack of effort. Other people can get away with just living their normal lives and their single status will disappear every now-and-then, often enough for their satisfaction, despite the lack of effort or concern with it, but I can’t. It’s like how Yao Ming can dunk standing but the only way I would ever dunk is years of hard work and preparation (back in my athletic high school days I could touch the net, which is quite an accomplishment for someone my height -- now that I'm no longer putting effort into it, I can't come anywhere near the net). In the land of POF, you and Crookcatcher and Clooneystutor can dunk standing because you just happen to have highly sought-after traits, but if I want to dunk on this site, I have to work really hard at it *which requires motivation -- motivation not to be single* – I’m never going to be able to dunk standing here or apparently on most any other OLD or IRL, and that’s just the way it is.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 142
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/22/2015 8:43:41 AM

I want to be like "Hi my name is Grant I really liked your profile and had questions. I think its cool that your involved in helping your community by giving shelter to abandoned lawn gnomes and want to know a bit about what that is like?"

But isn't that asking them 'anything'? What you want to do fits their request. They aren't asking for a mystery quiz question or odd ones like "Do you like it in the butt?" or "Would all my 3 inches be too much for you?" or "Do you think I'm a great guy, or the greatest guy?"

A good idea for a guy is to have his message query (asking a question to) the gal. In instigates a response. You don't need to worry. "Ask me anything!" doesn't imply that she's trying to play some game of 20 questions.

When it's a bare profile, just treat it as if you were helping her to fill out her profile. How would you do that? You'd ask her some questions! Keep the questions of "How often do you wet the bed?" and "Have you fantasized about doing lawn gnomes at night, on video?" for the 1st date. The online messages are just basic ones. :)
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 143
Dealing with Just another Profile who says no
Posted: 4/22/2015 8:44:39 AM
I'll agree with WiP--I have other things to do...I'm not surrounded by attractive women like I was when I was working...and some of the things posted by some of the women here really turn me off to them. So, dating isn't my biggest focus right now.

I'll also agree with the Hawk--as spring turns into summer and I go out and "See what I'm missing",and realize that as I get older, I'll miss more of it...I'm going to focus on being single for 13 years. well, i'm going to focus on what I missed the last decade-plus. I have a 58 yr old friend who has 2 STDs and won't be with another man and wonders why I used to make such a deal about it. I remind her she's been with 40 men and has been on happy pills for a while now. I too wouldn't be so enamoured with something I've enjoyed a lot of, and especially if I had pharmaceutical help.

eventually, whatever's meant to be....will be.
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 144
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/22/2015 9:57:30 AM
Hawkings I know two brothers who are twins. Both are five foot three at best even though they claim they're five five. Ones been married three times the other as many if not more. They are night and day in personality, one is super nice, funny as personable as you can get. The other is kind of loud, opinionated and kind of arrogant acting.

The nicer of the two has been in his current marriage for almost twenty years now, the other wasn't ever married longer than six months but this guy is dating a new woman everytime I see him and I mean every damn time and these are attractive women.

Neither are rich, have model looks or anything that would make you think these guys are lady killers.

But the one thing they have in common that actually kind of amazes me and I wish I had more of an inclination to do is that they engage virtually EVERY woman they encounter in friendly banter every time.
I would like to think since I witness that almost everytime I'm around them that the real motive for the women to react the way they do is because they're with me and are trying to get close to me by association with them......but alas.....not to be, I tried wooing one looker away from their conversation even putting a twenty dollar bill on the floor and picking it up and saying "you would'nt have dropped this possibly?" damn I could have had a stack of benjamins in my hand for all she cared. Her acknowledgement of a blunt "no" and millisecond glance my way knocked the wind out of my sails.

Point being neither one cares whether their banter is recipocated, they go in with a smile and start talking about whatever, if it gets rebuffed they don't care one iotta they just go on with life and usually tem minutes later they're gabbing it up with someone else.

OLD isn't the venue to show your personality which accents what you do have to offer physically, whether you think you're a misfit or not someone out there doesn't think you're a bad looking guy.

I could promise you I could take you out and get you into social situations where if you could'nt get a dance, drink or the prospect of a date it would or could only be due to your personality. I can practically guarantee your lack of success is primarily due to your negative approach, you keep telling us why you can't. Go show us why you can! Engage women every chance you get, you'll get shot down, we all do, but the key is trying again.
 gfe0787
Joined: 4/24/2015
Msg: 145
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/27/2015 1:20:23 PM
I can understand how "ask me" profiles might put someone off. However, give it a chance...you never know. Maybe the person is nice and a good conversationalist. If after say, 3 messages the person is giving one word answers or doesn't ask anything about you....then it's best to just leave it alone. But at least you tried & gave it a shot. =)
I know I receive 'hello how are you' messages....like most women. Some might think it lacks effort & to be honest, I considered that too. However, I also thought that's what you'd say to a person outside. So, I reply back. Sometimes the person ends up being boring and other times they become interesting. Have to give it a chance and see. =)
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 146
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/27/2015 3:15:13 PM
GWSmith- A LOT of people on any dating website (men and women) only look at photos.
If someone is hot, they could probably say Charles Manson is their idol and STILL get messages.
I'm a thinker, like you.
However, this is one I don't over think.
It could just mean they really DO want people to ask.
So, if someone has this on their profile, I'll go back and look at the information they DO give, if something catches my interest, then I'll go ahead and ask them questions.
Why not?
I don't find a lot of automatic dis-qualifiers particularly helpful, jmo
 GattoMonstrosis
Joined: 4/4/2013
Msg: 147
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Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 4/29/2015 9:55:49 PM
I tend to see "Just ask me" as a sign of someone who doesn't want to meet anyone halfway, if i were in a relationship with that person i'd be having to do all of the work to keep it going so i don't bother with it.
 LLove2LaughToo
Joined: 3/5/2011
Msg: 148
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 5/2/2015 4:07:10 AM

If someone is hot, they could probably say Charles Manson is their idol and STILL get messages.


If Manson is getting married with a woman 55 years old his junior, there is still hope for some of us, lol
 BeyondtheMatrix
Joined: 2/11/2016
Msg: 149
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 8/28/2016 4:49:49 PM
I wrote a few days ago about a similar issue. Unfortunately, I was attacked by posters, especially by the men, incidentally. They attacked me personally -- the messenger.

I saw a woman's profile. It had nothing in it except: "Plenty of freaks?"

I sent her a brief and polite message. "Calling men you don't know names like that won't help your cause."

She sent me a message immediately. I didn't open it but re-read her profile. She had made changes. It was now: "PLENTY OF FREAKS?" She had capitalized her question. She added: "Don't message me with advice."

I didn't open her message. I deleted it.

I asked fellow-posters here what they thought of this. They attacked me. They went right for my throat, especially the men, and one long-standing user in particular. My heart sank when I saw his user-name. And, as I expected, he went straight for the jugular, attacking me personally. He agreed with her on the freaks issue.

So, if I write in my blank/empty profile: "Plenty of slags?" that means no one should attack me personally, and that I am merely 'expressing' myself. Incidentally, there is a young man in England with a profile whose headline says something far more serious this. I came across it by chance as his profile was listed at the top of the page as I logged on. I made sure my virus protection was on, and then I opened his profile. My God. You need a stiff drink and protective clothing when you open that profile. It was absolutely shocking, bordering on the demonic. And here I am, being attacked for asking a simple question.

It's the way of the world, I suppose. And as one woman said: "She wrote it because she could." Can the same be said for the young man in England?

Best wishes to everyone.
- Peter
 cujoandme
Joined: 8/14/2016
Msg: 150
Dealing with Just ask me as a Profile
Posted: 8/28/2016 5:03:53 PM
^^^ I read that entire thread you talk of above.
Odd how your interpretation is different
than how some other would interpret it.
Some might think you need professional help, it was mentioned.
I'm not sure, I don't live in your head.
Luckily.
This forum is a time waster
This forum is entertainment, not even good entertainment
Don't take it, or yourself, so seriously
This is not life or death
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