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 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 76
PlayersPage 4 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
"but when you initially meet, it turns into sex"

>>>naturally, it wasn't just the player who made this decision. Two minds had to be made up for it to happen. But, hopefully, you can look back, see the red flags that were missed the last time, and not get fooled by them again. Sometimes, we meet someone, we wish them to be what we wish for, and they can talk a good game b/c talk is cheap. But perhaps there was a story they told about the last relationship, that set off a little voice in our head that says, "that doesn't sound like the type of person looking for a relationship" and we brushed it off. or maybe it was something else.

its hard to trust new people we meet, when we've met a person who actually believes the lies they tell us, and thus we believe them too, b/c they don't sound like a liar sounds. But other times, we may realize that we had a little gut feeling, a little voice saying something seemed to just be too good to be true...if we can find that, we may realize to not ignore it the next time, and we move on comforted in the feeling we have a little more control over the next time we run into this scenario.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 77
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Players
Posted: 7/30/2017 2:46:04 AM
A person that doesn't want to settle down isn't a player. A player is someone that lies/fools someone to get whatever it is they want.
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 78
Players
Posted: 7/30/2017 7:00:49 AM

A player is someone who on their profile says they are looking for a relationship, they talk to you about how they are looking for a relationship, they assure you they are not looking for a one night stand. But when you initally meet you it turns into sex, and then you never hear from him again. He then repeats this process with more and more women from the site.
That is a player.


Then you have guys like me who make it very well known they aren't looking for a relationship, but deep down his inner Romeo is just dying to find his Juliet, so he can shower her with love, affection, cuddling underneath the stars on full moon nights, and passionately sing Patrick Swayze's "She's Like the Wind" to her at the karaoke bar.

I can't believe I typed all that with a straight face. Holy f*ck.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 79
Players
Posted: 7/30/2017 7:11:34 AM
aww, we see your sweet side. LOL. The song enuff to make me scream get away Demon
You forgot the picnic dinner.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 80
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Players
Posted: 7/30/2017 11:46:56 AM

A person that doesn't want to settle down isn't a player. A player is someone that lies/fools someone to get whatever it is they want.

Yes, that is one form of player -- the Objectively Negative one -- but said player needs to be succeeding in getting the gals in said deceptive methodology (otherwise, he's not playing anyone as nobody's biting).

But there's another definition of player -- just one who succeeds in getting gals and liking/remaining single, no deception required. It doesn't necessarily have a negative connotation (not amongst fellow bros), but generally does, of course. Why are guys who merely get gals left & right considered "players"? Because it's Assumed by hissing on-lookers (jealous guys or upset gals) that a guy has to do "trickeration" to succeed. If no trickeration needed, unless he's star-studdedly handsome, the jealous guy is going to think he himself is less worthy, and gals would see it as (cute, decent every day) gals in general being too easy. In many people's minds, unless the guy is super-hot, he Can't be a pickup artist of sorts -- he HAS to be tricking gals.

This concept is supported by gals who Feel they were "screwed over", because they ended up hooking up with a guy, and he wasn't interested in coupling up with her. An unfortunate natural reaction that he tricked her because of social-guilt, female intuition being wrong that he would, and/or the natural feeling of feeling Unworthy because he didn't want to ride off into the dating sunset with her. So basically, if the guy IS good at being single & getting #s and taking girls home here and there a lot -- he's assumed to be screwing people over... because of a brainwashed belief that decent every day gals just don't go home with a guy right after first mingle/meet or after a 1st date or two. "No way! Can't be true! She had to have been tricked, if she's not "that type" of gal in the back of the bar!" Sorry Sally, girls like the dessert tray more than you've been told. :)
 meowzing
Joined: 4/27/2017
Msg: 81
Players
Posted: 7/30/2017 2:16:10 PM
If someone wants to have sex, does it really matter if they get "played"? Male or female, if you don't want to get played don't be so quick to give it up in the sack. Take the time to get to know someone. Chances are unless you are a total babe, or loaded a player will lose interest faster than you will.

As long as people allow themselves to get "played", its a "players" smorgasbord on sites like this.
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 82
Players
Posted: 7/30/2017 9:09:15 PM
Wow, purpleheart. You are cute.

Please excuse the profanity in my last post. I am normally not one to curse. In fact, my wholesome and helpful nature is what led me to being selected as the forums tour guide a few years back. I came back recently to reprise that role, and would be honored to lend you my assistance in any way possible should you need it.

I am here for you.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 83
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Posted: 7/31/2017 9:23:35 AM

A player is someone who on their profile says they are looking for a relationship, they talk to you about how they are looking for a relationship, they assure you they are not looking for a one night stand. But when you initally meet you it turns into sex, and then you never hear from him again.

Yeah, but, from my experience, when I've slept with a gal upon first meat -- I don't preach that I'm longing for a Relationship nor implying that she's the one. It's Unnecessary and weird, and from my 2nd hand experience, as wing-man or not, it's quite uncommon to come across hearing that being preached. Additionally, it's not what pick up Artists do, although it Can be if they're narcissistic and wanting to Actually "play" them -- if/when the gal is down and out about men and goes on about how they don't trust them, how she longs for a Relationship (emotional problems like that).

I will have a profile saying I'm open & looking for Relationship opportunities out there -- which almost all guys not on the rebound are, to one degree or another -- but when single & happy, they're more picky is all. And certainly the concept of one being Relationship worthy, when one isn't Desperate to be "taken", isn't going to be figured on a 1st meet when one has dating experience. So it doesn't mean nor imply that they decided she Is Relationship-Worthy.

I think the more common situation is when the guy (OR gal, which I'll get to in a sec) says that they'll see them again -- set up another date, when going back to one's place to fool around... but Not following thru on it. Usually it's not a disappearing act, but, the classic being busy and ending up just blowing them off. Alcohol plays a big role in this. And gals do it too! With one gal on a St Patricks Day outing, we went back to her place and fooled around. She was really cute and I followed up with her, but she wasn't interested. Well, hooking up with a guy the night you meet him ruins things in her book, as she explained, but nothing against me, etc. It was good to get an explanation because I did kinda push for it (again, really cute) -- but it's Not Uncommon at all.

So did she Play me? No. She expressed that night, with me and her friend, that she was skeptical about guys, she ideally wants to find a guy to settle down with, etc. She wasn't lying. Giving it up off-the-bat, as meowzing refers to -- can end up back-firing If you're looking for Relationship opportunity. People mentally chalk up said person in another category. Now with me, unless said gal was a bad kisser, smelled funny down there, or come to find out kinda crazy -- I'm going to want multiple-night stands, not one-night stands. It may naturally affect me where I'll take heed jumping into being an Item with said gal because it happened off the bat, but by no means would it be ruled out.

But regardless -- point is, you can't expect a Relationship to Start by porking on 1st meet, and take it as being played if it fizzles out after that. Even among those who are honestly open for Relationship opportunities out there.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 84
Players
Posted: 7/31/2017 9:31:10 AM

If someone wants to have sex, does it really matter if they get "played"? Male or female, if you don't want to get played don't be so quick to give it up in the sack. Take the time to get to know someone. Chances are unless you are a total babe, or loaded a player will lose interest faster than you will.


Perhaps. But some players are willing to wait and go out on multiple dates. Because they see it as an challenge or they may not have any better prospects at the moment. I have heard stories ( including some on the POF forums ) about 2 people having sex on the 3rd or 4th date ( or later ) and 1 person does the "disappearing act" after sex.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 85
Players
Posted: 7/31/2017 9:31:49 AM
I bet some women not necessarily interested in 69 will get on top of a guy in a 69 for the sole purpose of getting a much needed break from his constant yapping


....I don't know what made me think of that just now
 from site to sight
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 86
Players
Posted: 7/31/2017 11:12:28 AM

I have heard stories ( including some on the POF forums ) about 2 people having sex on the 3rd or 4th date ( or later ) and 1 person does the "disappearing act" after sex.


Does having sex after X number of dates have to be accompanied by an engagement ring, wedding and honeymoon plans already made? If it's the woman who does a disappearing act after having sex, is the guy a victim, or is the role of being a victim reserved for women only?
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 87
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Posted: 7/31/2017 11:53:28 AM

But some players are willing to wait and go out on multiple dates. Because they see it as an challenge or they may not have any better prospects at the moment.

But when a girl does it, is she a player? We assume she Is Not, but if a guy does it, we assume He Is. It's Not rare that a gal backs away. When "waiting" for 3rd or 4th date to do the naughty -- it's also around the 3rd or 4th date where it's the common fish-or-cut-bait period. Upon settling into a comfort zone, thus more comfortable with inviting someone in... mix some drinks in that night, and viola. If the guy doesn't perform oh-so well or she feels some guilt of "too early" still -- she's an innocent fawn to not bite on going Steady and backing away. Also include -- assuming the sex wasn't Fantastic -- "Hey, I was waivering on him, giving him a chance as I was still deciding... the sex was a product of one thing led to another because he seems like a decent guy and he's cool to be around, hence the extra date or two, but, what am I supposed to do? Go on More with him, because we had sex? I mean, I wouldn't mind another date, but, it's fish or cut bait, and I'm not feeling it to go steady. That's just going to make matters worse and lead him on if I go out on some more."

But guys having this understandable mentality -- they're "playing" the girl. IF she was really into him, of course. If not, he won't be considered such. But yes, guys who pick up girls a lot and enjoy being single and having action -- aren't 1st-meat-or-bust. They will go out on some dates -- but not more than a handful unless they're Really into the gal. And some gals, from my experience, won't want to go from base-to-base at a measurable pace... to some, if you're starting to hit 2nd base, it's home run-or-nothing (unless on period). And yes ladies (and dudes), you can heed yourself to having fun without intercourse when you can count the # of dates on one hand. :)

My advice for gals who are weary and sensitive to such matters is to not play games -- not to dangle you have to "offer" to make him chase it (as some girls express). That'll make the guy Too focused on sex, and your average Joe Will have more of the mentality what you would see in a "player". But instead, be genuine, no games, just express interest but physically you take it slow -- while not avoiding kissing At All, and pace rounding the bases after several dates -- and make it an enjoyable journey to intercourse (home run) -- where that happens when you've already started Going Steady.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 88
Players
Posted: 7/31/2017 1:12:25 PM

Does having sex after X number of dates have to be accompanied by an engagement ring, wedding and honeymoon plans already made? If it's the woman who does a disappearing act after having sex, is the guy a victim, or is the role of being a victim reserved for women only?


When women do the disappearing act after sex, a common assumption is the sex was bad. Although that's possible, it's not the only reason why. Just like not all men that do the disappearing act after sex are players. People from both genders could have been cheating on their spouse / significant other and felt guilty about it. Or they realized that they still weren't completely over an ex.
 H2OJMG
Joined: 5/3/2017
Msg: 89
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Players
Posted: 8/3/2017 11:56:34 AM
Or try to be "Players"......Met a person that lived 2 hrs south of me...said he was a youth enrichment coach, teacher, had custody of his 15 yr old nephew....always broke, car always in the shop, all lies....then had the nerve to ask for money...actually lives with a woman and another girlfriend!
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 90
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Posted: 8/3/2017 12:24:03 PM

Met a person that lived 2 hrs south of me...said he was a youth enrichment coach, teacher, had custody of his 15 yr old nephew....always broke, car always in the shop, all lies....then had the nerve to ask for money...actually lives with a woman and another girlfriend!


But.....

He got the meet !

Success !

For a loser.

Who has 2 other women on the hook.

SMH.

Virtue is its own reward.
 meowzing
Joined: 4/27/2017
Msg: 91
Players
Posted: 8/3/2017 12:30:53 PM
Just to throw this out there- Why would anyone wish to pursue a relationship where the sex was bad? Healthy relationships take a heck of a lot more that 3-4 dates. Sure there is a lot of good sex in a few dates stand, but there isn't mind blowing love making without intimacy. The kind that comes from taking the time to get to know someone well. Like where they work, hang out, and getting to know the people in their lives including family members. Players don't usually let you get that close. They don't want you all up in their personal lives, when someone that genuinely cares will.
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 92
Players
Posted: 8/3/2017 12:33:17 PM
I've always found it amusing when women put "If you're a player DO NOT CONTACT ME!!" in their profiles.

Yeah, like they're going to see this and say to themselves "oh shit, she said no players! I better listen!"
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 93
Players
Posted: 8/3/2017 12:50:26 PM
Putting that in your profile is like stamping victim on your forehead. Same with Men who say no drama.
Seems a far better idea to use the profile to say what you want - not what you don't want.
 from site to sight
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 94
Players
Posted: 8/3/2017 12:53:58 PM
That's like profiles I've seen, that say "No players, liars, or cheaters". Gee, that's going keep them away and have them look instead for a profile that says "players, liars, and cheaters are welcome."
 Mister0Independent
Joined: 7/2/2017
Msg: 95
Players
Posted: 8/3/2017 5:19:01 PM

Also it is rude not to answer your reply at all.If you're not interested in a person just say so instead of ignoring them.


Sorry, us men get so much mail on this site that we can't be bothered to respond to every message we receive.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 96
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Posted: 8/3/2017 7:00:03 PM
What about this guy, he's stating what he wants? I'm curious what work he wants her to do. He looks like he lives in an RV. Is she gonna strut around his RV in heels and a dress, then is supposed to go outside and clean the RV's poop tank? I've seen men say they want someone that will do yardwork, lol. His words verbatim:

I want an equal partner like my headline says another words I want a partner not a puppy someone who's willing to contribute their ideas and opinions. A lady who likes to dress like a lady to be told she's a beautiful woman but can also get right in there and help with the work.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 97
Players
Posted: 8/3/2017 9:08:13 PM
"Why would anyone wish to pursue a relationship where the sex was bad?"

>>>I know of two women who did it regularly (b/c oh darn, we talked about sex). And no one believed it b/c they were "could have any guy they wanted" good looking. They did so for 4 reasons:

1) didn't think they deserved better--an attitude that carried over to a lot of things in their life.

2) the low opinion of themselves that made #1 possible, made them chase the guy who didn't see interested in them, hence the poor sex

3) good sex would feel like loving sex, and loving sex would feel like they were being loved. And of course, that meant they had to love back in return, couldn't use the guy to avoid being alone, couldn't use the guy for confirmation and then dump him to win over the next guy, and of course loving someone felt weird.

4) if you just want a guy, how he does things doesn't matter so much. Low expectations leads to low-quality results.
 meowzing
Joined: 4/27/2017
Msg: 98
Players
Posted: 8/3/2017 9:27:16 PM
^ There is so much truth to that its creepy, sad, and says a lot about our culture.
Parents please teach your children they are smart, special, beautiful, and are LOVED.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 99
Players
Posted: 8/4/2017 8:36:18 AM
Can a player fake an orgasm?
 Darwin1971
Joined: 1/31/2013
Msg: 100
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Players
Posted: 8/4/2017 11:14:47 AM

Parents please teach your children they are smart, special, beautiful, and are LOVED.


Please don't!!!

Be honest if your kid is dumb or slow teach him/her how to use his/her other gifts to make a place in this world. This can be done they are going to figure out that the other kids are smarter eventually. use things like "you picked up on that so well" or "you are being very cleaver in doing it like that", "nice you figured that out fast". Do not use the word smart all the time.

Special? NO your not special until you have figured out or earned what can make you special. Because really most are not born special and few ever become "special". as a parent it is our job to help them to figure it out without pressure. I guess if you wanted to say "your special to me" that would be ok.

Beautiful??? **** no teach them to accept what they can't change and fix what they can. The idea of beauty changes depending on the culture you are in and the styles of the day. For example I am considered handsome/good looking here(in Wyoming) but on the coast my body type/face would not be considered ideal. AND PLEASE teach them how to eat and exercise to maintain and keep a healthy body/mind and why it is important.

Loved sure you can tell them that.
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