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 ThePig0fYourDreams
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 226
Red flagsPage 10 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
Oh, ****. The background check shit again. Another subject that just won't f*cking die here.

Me personally, I am not background checking anyone. I just don't care enough to bother, and to say I don't scare easily is the understatement of the century.

As for any woman who wants to do one on me, more power to them. They will find nothing, and then I will guilt trip the shit out of them for assuming the worst of me.

What a beautiful way to get things started.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 227
Red flags
Posted: 4/8/2015 10:27:02 PM

I think it is wise to get a background check if you are seriously contemplating a relationship

Oh man, not a good idea unless one's paranoia and lack of judgement combination unfortunately calls for it. It'd make a great commercial where people are in awkward situations.

Sally: This has been a great 3rd date. We've really hit it off, I never expected this happening...

Jim: I know! It's amazing. (Jim leans in for kiss)

Sally: Wait. I know we've kissed before, but... I want to do a background check on you, and if that passes, our next date will be at the clinic where we'll both be tested of a variety of things where we'll pee and draw blood... and wait for the Full results several days later. Assuming the background check seems ok. You can do mine, too. We should criminally investigate each other -- I mean, who wouldn't. Okay, ASSUMING that goes well and all, we're not out of the woods yet. I look out for myself! We then are going to go see a psychologist/counselor to evaluate us both a few times. I mean, the worst pain is falling for someone who isn't a great match and the risk of getting into something really emotionally damaging. Stress is one of the world's worst killers. So after those sessions of date #5, 6, and 7 -- then we can begin our Honeymoon phase! I'm so excited! (Looks up from her hand as she was numbering them off)

Sally: (Looks up) Jim? Jim? Where are you going?? (as Jim is walking to his car shaking his head)
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 2/17/2015
Msg: 228
Red flags
Posted: 4/8/2015 10:37:36 PM
Clearly Jim has something to hide ;)
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 229
Red flags
Posted: 4/9/2015 7:43:51 AM
Don't forget to do a credit check as well while you're at it. Ask for bank statements, credit card numbers and passwords to "check" balances, and get someone to assess the value of all assets. Then ask for references-names and phone numbers of any ex, bosses and co-workers, past and present, long time friends-to do a character background check. How else can you start a romance without this information?
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 230
Red flags
Posted: 4/9/2015 8:39:38 AM
May as well check the genealogy too. He might become more attractive if he has the Romanov pearls.
I'm more a frontround check kinda Woman :/
Baby - I laughed out loud. Wonder where Jim drove off to? Lowes for more rope and duct tape I wager.
And did he drive off in a Van?
 SLAFFA
Joined: 8/13/2007
Msg: 231
Red flags
Posted: 4/9/2015 4:26:05 PM
Well, I have another one to throw in. I average looking at and actually reading at least 10 profiles a day. Possibly 30 if I am at "work" killing time. It helps to live in a large city. In a normal week, I might see 1 or 2 profiles where God is their first interest listed. And almost always there will be further references in their profile.

Today alone, I saw 2 such profiles. The good news here is that these ladies are being honest and right up front about it.
 yourstillhere
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 232
view profile
History
Red flags
Posted: 4/9/2015 6:56:24 PM
If I find them attractive enough (attractive to me) then I`ll be interested, as far as red flags go the only thing that would raise my ire is uses drugs.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 233
Red flags
Posted: 4/9/2015 11:27:20 PM

Don't forget to do a credit check as well while you're at it. Ask for bank statements, credit card numbers and passwords to "check" balances

Actually -- yeah. I think one should have to go thru "pre-approval" process, which instead of a letter from a credible 3rd party that analyzes all your data, you have all of that data in a portfolio to give, and you exchange said things. They'll only last 45-60 days, then you'll have to re-fetch your bank statements, credit reports, re-do another blood & urine test, genealogy records (hey, you could have just fathered or had a baby! never take risks from people online!), psychiatric evaluation results, etc...

I think the letter from a credible 3rd party would be enough to get the 1st date or two going -- but then if you two click, that's when you exchange portfolios of said things so they can approve them themselves. Romanticism at it's best.
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 234
Red flags
Posted: 4/10/2015 11:06:50 AM
Yeah, it would be nice to get 'pre-approved' before springing for the dinner.

Ya know, a guarantee that this is my final date, and not in the macabre sense either.


Congratulations!

You've been pre-approved for a Stepford wife that stays young, cooks, cleans and never says no!

To claim your prize, please send your most recent W2, drivers license, contents of medicine cabinet and a brief description of the honeymoon you have planned.

Warmest Regards,

WhitePicketFences, Inc.
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 235
view profile
History
Red flags
Posted: 4/10/2015 4:21:42 PM
The background checks and other stuff has been argued over before in here, so here again are my thoughts...

I don't think that it's a bad idea for a woman to give some thought for her safety, and she shouldn't be disparaged for doing so. Especially when meeting a stranger, der.

The only problems that I'd have with this though are -

- When people are so paranoid because they think that every other person in the world is an axe-murder or child-rapist such that they are effectively anti-social and almost too afraid to even get out of their house.

- When a background check is done without the knowledge of the checkee. That's just kind of creepy. You leave a pretty good impression if you bring up the subject with a checkee first, and both see what they'd say and give them a chance to say whatever they would.

- When a person is uneducated, uninformed, and lacking of objectivity such that they assume that any kind of record of anything is indicative of a bad person; They forget that "innocent until proven guilty" is a real thing and is there for a very practical reason...people falsely accuse each other all of the time; There are often circumstances and facts that would reveal the truth of someone to be completely the opposite of what naïve folks would be quick to assume...and there are even innocent benign persons who're convicted of things. (But of course, it's hard to know these things...that's quite understandable.)

- When the dialogue is so centered on questioning a man's character and record that the very legitimate concern for women's character and record is almost always overlooked.

...and, no, I'm not saying these things because they in any way apply to myself, but instead because I try to be educated, informed, and objective. I try to not be naïve.
 slownglow
Joined: 3/15/2015
Msg: 236
view profile
History
Red flags
Posted: 4/14/2015 9:19:35 AM
What's wrong with the newly divorced ? I guess a newly divorced is better than ones divorced years ago.why? Because I don't want a woman that had a couple tens or hundreds of mans passed thru her bed,so I will chose a newly divorced over any other ones.
 stormy2728weather
Joined: 4/3/2015
Msg: 237
Red flags
Posted: 4/14/2015 10:26:39 AM
What's wrong with newly divorced? Well, I want someone that is over their marriage and finished healing, grieving and done a little work to figure out where it went wrong and what they had to contribute to the demise of the relationship. Healed and moved on. As well, someone who has dated a little.

I hardly think that a woman (or a man) has tens or hundreds of folks through their bed while taking a year or two to get over their marriage or breakup of a live-in relationship or death of a spouse. That's just juvenile thinking on your part. And in my opinion, this type of thinking shows jealousy or a controlling attitude.
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 238
Red flags
Posted: 4/14/2015 10:53:09 AM
Sometimes the currently separated and newly divorced aren't ready for a serious relationship.

Engage at will :)
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 2/17/2015
Msg: 239
Red flags
Posted: 4/14/2015 11:00:08 AM
^But I thought the best way to get over someone was to get under someone else?
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 240
Red flags
Posted: 4/14/2015 11:13:23 AM

I hardly think that a woman (or a man) has tens or hundreds of folks through their bed while taking a year or two to get over their marriage or breakup of a live-in relationship or death of a spouse.


Well, you can hardly think it all you want, but it happens.

I dated a woman in her 40's who, according to her, had married her high school sweetheart as a teenager, then he cheated on her all throughout the marriage while she remained faithful, but after they were divorced, she sowed her wild oats and , in her words, had sex with anyone who wanted her.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 241
Red flags
Posted: 4/14/2015 11:19:03 AM
if someone's prejudiced--that is, they pre-judge--against a category you find yourself in, why do you want to date that person? just so you can waste your time proving them wrong....or only proving you're the exception?

Even stopped clocks are right twice a day. if someone's prejudice about me is correct, then i'm not a good fit for them. if they're wrong, then I dodged a bullet and they lost an opportunity.
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 242
Red flags
Posted: 4/14/2015 11:21:24 AM

But I thought the best way to get over someone was to get under someone else?

To get over someone else, I use a hot air balloon.
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 243
Red flags
Posted: 4/14/2015 1:19:39 PM
I don't think that it's a bad idea for a woman to give some thought for her safety, and she shouldn't be disparaged for doing so. Especially when meeting a stranger, der.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
That's easy enough. Don't give out personal information and meet in a public place. Women walk by people they don't know in public places all the time, so what is the difference between that and meeting someone from a dating site who doesn't know any more about you?

----------------------------------------------
When a background check is done without the knowledge of the checkee. That's just kind of creepy.

-----------------------------------------------

If you give out enough personal information for a background check, then you should just assume that is exactly what will happen. Why anyone would assume otherwise is beyond me.
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 244
Red flags
Posted: 4/14/2015 2:11:34 PM

in her words, had sex with anyone who wanted her.


That could also mean none or just one maybe two...just sayin......

Why is it in these stories the spouse alway's cheated the entire marriage? I find it hard to fathom that infidelity would happen as soon as they got back from the honeymoon. But from some of the stories I've heard here I suppose the groom could have tried to bed the maid while the bride was in the bathroom getting ready for the big wedding night. :)
 notthedoctor2
Joined: 3/19/2015
Msg: 245
Red flags
Posted: 4/14/2015 3:14:21 PM

she sowed her wild oats and , in her words, had sex with anyone who wanted her.


So what? She's a grown up adult. Assuming she was a good person before she racked up some notches on the bedpost, is she now NOT a good person?
 Eternityboreme
Joined: 3/18/2015
Msg: 246
Red flags
Posted: 4/16/2015 3:42:25 AM

What's wrong with the newly divorced ? I guess a newly divorced is better than ones divorced years ago.why? Because I don't want a woman that had a couple tens or hundreds of mans passed thru her bed,so I will chose a newly divorced over any other ones.


You'll never really know.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 247
Red flags
Posted: 4/16/2015 6:34:24 AM

I think it is wise to get a background check if you are seriously contemplating a relationship but for a first meet, no I do not think so.


A complete background check would involve SSN and other personal info. I'm not giving that info to a woman I don't know that well. An internet search may not be valid either. You can info about another person with the same name. Plus a person can be accused of things that are false or at least exaggerated.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 248
Red flags
Posted: 4/16/2015 7:26:06 AM

A complete background check would involve SSN and other personal info.


Even when I was married, I never knew her SSN and she didn't care to have mine. At a first meet, the only personal information I'm giving is my first name and I don't care what her last name is at that point. If it goes beyond a first meet and into dating, more personal information will start to come out from both of us.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 249
Red flags
Posted: 4/16/2015 7:58:39 AM
All in all, we don't know what the information is to be used for. What if they scour the internet looking for people whose identity they can steal, under the guise that they are asking for the information to do a background check?

I say no "real" info is to be made available until one has spent enough time in someone else's presence, and a relationship is somewhat a possibility. I would not however share my SSN, that's only for employers and taxable gifts.
 motowncowgirl
Joined: 3/24/2015
Msg: 250
Red flags
Posted: 4/16/2015 8:22:28 AM

Because I don't want a woman that had a couple tens or hundreds of mans passed thru her bed,so I will chose a newly divorced over any other ones.

but what if she's newly divorced BECAUSE she's had a couple tens or hundreds of mans (sic) pass thru her bed, hmm?

see this is how it works though. because seeing those red flags is so often all about the assumptions we make about the blank spaces right next to them.

it's hard enough just finding anyone fun to talk to in my area, so i'm not really on the edge of my seat here looking for red flags. i'm pretty sensitive to any kind of neediness or controlling behavior though. even a whiff of that gets the boot right away.
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