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 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 201
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Red flagsPage 9 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
eric - Yea I figured that. But that's what I thought their intentions at least were. But myself I just wouldn't judge them too much on that, maybe other things, but that I think is more in the category of things I don't expect everybody to know about. They might be deemed "ignorant" of it, but that's not indicative of actual stupidness...if you know what I mean. Heh.
 VoxClamantis
Joined: 2/19/2008
Msg: 202
Red flags
Posted: 4/7/2015 6:47:12 AM
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Too many groin shots in her shot groups


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 forums48380
Joined: 2/10/2013
Msg: 203
Red flags
Posted: 4/7/2015 8:31:20 AM
Redflags:
1. if she says that she has a fear of relationships and sabotages them
2. if she says not to give up, that she might make it hard but not on purpose
3. if she asks "are you strong enough to be my man?"
4. any hint of being a commitmentphobe
5. too much talk of how deficient their childhood was, or how bad a parent was
6. any signs of sexual dysfunction

Yup, if I hear anything like those again, I'm running.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 204
Red flags
Posted: 4/7/2015 9:19:50 AM
^^^"4. any hint of being a commitmentphobe"

I would take this out of the list, for a few reasons.
What do you mean by commitment? Is this after the first coffee meet? Physical attraction (or lack of) is immediate, but it usually takes a few dates, at least, to get an idea of who the real person is. Even then, there could be a lot of unknown. If you go to a used car lot, do you think the salesperson is going to tell you what's wrong, if anything, with any car on the lot? There could be hidden problems with the car that can either show up right away, or after 6 months or a year of driving. The problem most of the time is when one person wants to do the infamous "Take it to the next level" dance while the other person wants to remain at level 1 for a little longer. That doesn't necessarily mean that the person who wants to take it slower is a commitmentphobe. They just don't see the mad rush to go through the various levels all at once. But the person that's wants to speed up the commitment train gets tunnel vision and water on the brain, and only see it as a sign of rejection, which usually is the beginning of the end.
 justdeb1111
Joined: 8/12/2012
Msg: 205
Red flags
Posted: 4/7/2015 9:50:56 AM
A profile with a really hot guy + lots of pictures + hits all the marks on interests+ great, witty bio + educated and articulate = Suspicious (ok, I've been on PoF for tooooo long).
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 206
Red flags
Posted: 4/7/2015 11:05:50 AM

My understanding is that those little waivers are useless, in Canada, anyway.

Well, pretty much anything's useless in Canada if it isn't tied to hockey, though... but then again, I also didn't read the POF agreement terms... For all I know, it may say that I can't be a Red Wings fan! :(

Job is in construction, engineering, or the military...(claims to be from England - but we don't call it the military, we call it the army).

So if he's in construction or engineering -- it's a red flag? Don't ya think that's stereotyping a lot based on little? :) Also, if he doesn't use the common term 'army' had by the citizens, and instead uses a still common term 'military', he's a bad apple? The word military is used -- it's common everywhere, including England as I see all around on English websites.

Redflags:
1. if she says that she has a fear of relationships and sabotages them
2. if she says not to give up, that she might make it hard but not on purpose
3. if she asks "are you strong enough to be my man?"
4. any hint of being a commitmentphobe
5. too much talk of how deficient their childhood was, or how bad a parent was
6. any signs of sexual dysfunction

I wouldn't see most of this on a profile or usually in initial texting/writing -- like "I sabotage relationships" or "I may make it hard on you, but not on purpose" or "I have sexual dysfunction", etc. I would agree with #5 -- best to step away from those types when you're meeting strangers. Just not worth the risk hassle with someone ya don't already know. #3 is always unnerving, which is more profile-esque. What? Every guy she dated couldn't open a jar or would cry all the time? Huh? lol When I see that I'm turned off... I also see some gals Wanting a guy to be "manly" as in Pushy / Dominant, which usually leads to trouble. Or they may mean "strong" as in, she can flirt with some dudes and when drunk go too far, but he won't complain -- she doesn't like weak guys who can't handle her! ;)

A profile with a really hot guy + lots of pictures + hits all the marks on interests+ great, witty bio + educated and articulate = Suspicious (ok, I've been on PoF for tooooo long).

Yeah... I'd run! A seemingly great catch? Ha! When I'm out in the dating scene hunting, I need a gal who's not hot but just decent looking... with only a few pictures... has at least 1 or 2 questionable interests... they lack rapist wit in their profile... and at least didn't finish college Or aren't Too articulate if they did. THEN I know I have a chanc-- errr, I know they're for real lol
 justdeb1111
Joined: 8/12/2012
Msg: 207
Red flags
Posted: 4/7/2015 11:20:05 AM
^^^^^^
omg, you're actually agreeing with me...sort of :)
 forums48380
Joined: 2/10/2013
Msg: 208
Red flags
Posted: 4/7/2015 11:21:01 AM
commitmentphobe- read the book He's Scared, She's Scared. It's a condition where you start out a relationship fairly normally but is usually fast tracked. Then, once the commitmentphobe has the relationship they seem to want, they get very uncomfortable and start to sabotage the relationship and leave you wondering what the hell you did wrong and how you can correct it. But you can't because the more you try, the more they pull away. It can be wicked and the person on the receiving end has to be very self protective and just walk away when it gets to be too much. (my mistake was not leaving.)
Correct, you won't see my list on a profile but they came out of her mouth well within the first month. She warned me. The saying "you can't see red flags through rose colored glasses, especially in moonlight" is very accurate.
Strong enough to be my man means do you have the strength and endurance to put up with her emotional crap, not if you can open a jar. I can open plenty of jars but she reduced me to an idiot with her bs. I learned a lot from that one.
yes, i'm still trying to get over that one.
 DeepakTolle
Joined: 4/3/2015
Msg: 209
Red flags
Posted: 4/7/2015 11:23:19 AM

Mine are men whose children aren't part of their lives


Mine are men PERIOD.

If someone says they are male that is a HUGE red flag for me, as in , I want NOTHING to do with their " red flag " !
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 210
Red flags
Posted: 4/7/2015 11:36:20 AM

A profile with a really hot guy + lots of pictures + hits all the marks on interests+ great, witty bio + educated and articulate = Suspicious (ok, I've been on PoF for tooooo long).


There's just no way to win huh?

I'm not naturally suspicious of those types of profiles, because it shows they've put in some work into their profile and they seem sincere in their intent to meet people. Just because they are "hot" does mean they know they are hot, I've had clients who were billboard-worthy, and their self-esteem was in the ground, and thought themselves lower than dirt. One of my clients was a celebrity. Often the issue with these is that people just want what's on the outside and don't care for who they really are in the inside.

Ever heard of Pietro Boselli? google him, he is about 26, highly educated, got his PhD in Mechanical Engineering at 21 years of age, looks hot as heck, has a manly voice, teaches Mathematics, is a Top Model, not gay, and everyone is trying to figure out what is wrong with him, lmao. Why does something have to be wrong with him?

p.s. I've come across profiles who say their profession is to write POF profiles, so who knows.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 211
Red flags
Posted: 4/7/2015 11:59:51 AM

I'm not naturally suspicious of those types of profiles, because it shows they've put in some work into their profile and they seem sincere in their intent to meet people.

Well, as I pointed out in jest -- it's a fear of them being out of one's league, not actually having red flags. When one seems to be in the seemingly top 0.1% (1 out of 1,000; which isn't as rare as it seems given the crazy-amt of profiles) -- people tend to Look more for red flags VS someone who's seemingly awesome but the 'catch' is already announced (ex: "Just broke up with boyfriend/girlfriend 3 months ago").

But of course, some people will be too intimidated, knowing that their chances are slim to obtain said person, so it's easier to assume red flags, fake, etc. Oh, their profile is gone after only 2 weeks or so? Ha! They probably got kicked off because they're fake or have some real issues! (They couldn't have found someone or been annoyed by a barrage of over-active emails!)
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 212
Red flags
Posted: 4/7/2015 12:14:38 PM

Well, as I pointed out in jest -- it's a fear of them being out of one's league, not actually having red flags. When one seems to be in the seemingly top 0.1% (1 out of 1,000; which isn't as rare as it seems given the crazy-amt of profiles) -- people tend to Look more for red flags VS someone who's seemingly awesome but the 'catch' is already announced (ex: "Just broke up with boyfriend/girlfriend 3 months ago").

But of course, some people will be too intimidated, knowing that their chances are slim to obtain said person, so it's easier to assume red flags, fake, etc. Oh, their profile is gone after only 2 weeks or so? Ha! They probably got kicked off because they're fake or have some real issues! (They couldn't have found someone or been annoyed by a barrage of over-active emails!)


I can't even disagree, lol

I've encountered a few of those who seemingly are single because of a recent break up but they tend to be very sexual in nature, as in they know they are desirable and think such will grant them sex from anyone. I've played along twice but once I say "this is as far as I'd go with this conversation, any other questions....you can ask me in person", they all of sudden balk. I had no reason to doubt he was the person in the pictures because he sent me other pictures, but as soon as I wasn't about to hand it over so easily, I guess he found someone who would. It's all good.

I don't think of them as "out of my league" but I do not expect a reply from such, nor expects that the conversation they initiate will result in anything meaningful. They are likely just as saturated with messages as I am, and can't even focus.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 213
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History
Red flags
Posted: 4/7/2015 12:27:15 PM
"There's just no way to win huh?"

I am not automatically suspicious of "awesome" profiles. I don't become suspicious of them until they reply back to me in a positive manner (has happened to me maybe 3 or 4 times in my entire life, all of which except one never wrote me again, and that one I eventually did meet, which means she was indeed real, and exactly as advertised in her profile) or if they suddenly contact me out of nowhere (scam every single time).

In other words, if I contact them and they don't respond... I assume they are real women with genuine profile information.
 justdeb1111
Joined: 8/12/2012
Msg: 214
Red flags
Posted: 4/7/2015 12:52:10 PM

Pietro Boselli


Holy chit!! The only thing wrong with him is he is 30 years too late!

I did not mean that a perfect appearing profile means the man is out of my league--only limit I place on my interests are age related and even then, it really needs to be a big gap, either way. (My definition of a big gap is apparently not the same as Markus' as his stupid age limits are a pain in the __).

What I meant in that post was that pretty much everyone I've met or chatted up who had profiles/pics that were awesome turned out to be: (in order of occurrences) married or separated (I'll wait till the divorce is final, thank you), extremely padded as to content (you know what I mean), or a scam (happens to women too you know).
___________________________________________________________
oh, and I have to add to this post to respond to norwegianguy's about the comic strip below because I am now, locked out of my more than "two posts per 10"--another fine invention of Markus':

I could see a newspaper cartoon made out of this of a gal on her dating website as her friend watches:

WOW norwegianguy--I wish.
My in box is rather anemic though any corpuscles that do show up I promptly answer :P

See you guys later in this forum after another ten posts from someone else, sheesh.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 215
Red flags
Posted: 4/7/2015 12:59:13 PM

I don't think of them as "out of my league" but I do not expect a reply from such, nor expects that the conversation they initiate will result in anything meaningful. They are likely just as saturated with messages as I am, and can't even focus.

I could see a newspaper cartoon made out of this of a gal on her dating website as her friend watches:

Sally: Wow, there's a lot of guys on here. You're getting a ton of messages! Why aren't you writing any of these guys who write you?
Betty: Well, I'm saturated with all these weird to maybe-OK-at-best looking guys writing. Ehh, I'm just picky and can't focus when So many are coming at me, ya know?
Sally: Yeah, but why not write those other few really hot guys who have those great profiles ..... like that thumbnail up there?
Betty: Because they're just going to be just as saturated as me -- they won't be able to focus anyway.
(...Sally continues to read messages; view other profiles...)
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 216
Red flags
Posted: 4/7/2015 1:26:47 PM

Betty: Because they're just going to be just as saturated as me -- they won't be able to focus anyway.
(...Sally continues to read messages; view other profiles...)


I have asked many women that I have gone out with as well as other women that were friends or was conversing with about online dating about who do they respond to. Most of them did not respond to the super attractive hot guys because right off the bat they felt that they were players, or they would cheat on them, or were simply full of themselves. When asked why they felt that way, it was simple. They had dated someone like that and the Narcism was must too much and they would not like that again.

Sooo. For guys that are about average, but can write a good profile and send emails that first and foremost are different, they aim at finding common ground with the woman, and only then play on the attraction part, women are going to respond.

Every single women that I dated online, had a mail box with over 300 emails that she had not responded. Yet she responded to mine.
 Strings6
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 217
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History
Red flags
Posted: 4/7/2015 3:11:49 PM
It has been my experience that women after a certain age and experiences are very very cautious and I have no problem with that......except for the fact that these same women told me that I should in no way view them in light of any other women I have known....they get a clean slate where I get the "most men" routine.

It seems that mens concerns and cautions related to past experiences are a sign of "bitterness" and just being silly while women's concerns and cautions from past experiences are down to earth,practical,sensible and the smart thing to do.

I once had a woman ask me my full name so she could do a background check on me,when I ask for her full name to do the same she was insulted and offended and never spoke to me again.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 218
Red flags
Posted: 4/8/2015 12:00:18 PM

Women's profiles which talk about how they want an honest man with some depth, not just someone who is going to send a 'hi' message or comment on my pictures... then later in their profile, it says they only want a reply if you're over 6 foot, or you have huge muscles, or a certain type of appearance.


So you're saying that the two don't go together? So if she wants an honest man with depth, he can't be 6 feet tall, have muscles or whatever her preference is?

It has to be one or the other?

That's like saying that a man wants a woman to be loyal, honest, not materialistic, oh oh and she also has be fit and with a pretty face, and some boobs and a$$. Like come on now!

Are you trying to say that other qualities should be prioritized above attraction? That's called a friend.
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 219
Red flags
Posted: 4/8/2015 12:20:47 PM

don't want someone who is only interested in your looks or appearance when you're doing the same thing yourself


It's not 'only', it's 'and'.
I want a man with a, b, AND good looks.
In general, men are the ones more likely to prefer 'a woman with a, b, OR good looks'.

Although, if it's at the end of the profile, I'd give it a go anyway. Maybe she tacked it on almost like the end of a wish list. The worse that happens is you get blocked and that's not some personal judgment.
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 220
Red flags
Posted: 4/8/2015 12:53:14 PM
I think I can see your point. Although I'm not sure I would count it as a red flag... it's more like a disqualification round.

You're right, if a guy wrote that I wouldn't read on. But mostly because I'm not blonde and don't have massive tits and that's what he wants. I wouldn't frown; more likely to laugh because sometimes profiles are wonderfully ironic.. It's not my responsibility to presume to tell him what he should want. I wouldn't get angry at him or write him emails stating that if he gives me a chance I'll dye my hair and stuff my bra or that he should date dainty-chested brunettes. He's got his criteria. So do I. And, they don't match. Move on. Or email but don't get angry at a refusal or getting blocked or a bad date. Your choice.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 221
Red flags
Posted: 4/8/2015 12:57:10 PM

An honest man with depth could also be under 6 foot, might be slim build. As an example. I'm saying that whether you're a man or a woman, I don't think you should imply that you don't want someone who is only interested in your looks or appearance when you're doing the same thing yourself.


And an honest man could also be 6 feet or above, medium build.

You won't message women you're not attracted to, just because they possess everything you'd like except the looks. Appearance is what you notice first, and IF you like what they look like, you likely read the rest and message.

Of all things to compromise on, looks are not it. You are attracted to what you're attracted, nothing else will do.

I know a couple, and he married her out of being grateful, but he cheats on her with women who ARE his type. There's nothing wrong with his wife, she's just not his type. He likes voluptuous women, and his wife is not.
 justdeb1111
Joined: 8/12/2012
Msg: 222
Red flags
Posted: 4/8/2015 3:54:02 PM

"I'm a very sensitive and caring guy, and anyone who doesn't understand me and take me as I am will not be right for me... Please only message me if you have massive tits and shoulder length blonde hair."


Ayep, that is like most of the men whose bios I've read. Then they message me and want to skype.

Funny thing is, when I joined PoF, I thought it was a Christian Singles site "Plenty of Fish". Took about an hour to figure out something was amiss with that :P
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 223
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History
Red flags
Posted: 4/8/2015 6:00:40 PM
For me, a red flag is a decent looking woman about my age that is single AND available.............
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 224
Red flags
Posted: 4/8/2015 8:39:39 PM

It's not 'only', it's 'and'.
I want a man with a, b, AND good looks.

Technically for almost all people, men and women -- YES, it's an "and". But I think when someone says "You're just only into looks!" -- it basically means it bears so much weight, it's the weight of the plane itself, not the luggage. It's politically correct and most have been conditioned So Much to be biased/skewed on believing that looks isn't as important as it ends up being. Also -- looks isn't just raw "hotness" either. It's height, (non-directly-sexual) build, eyes, "that look", resemblances to famous people or others (maybe ex's for some) that rings a heightened bell, body movement, clothing style & fitting, etc. Looks also by our instinctual/superstitious selves bleeds into Personality as well.

IMO, someone 'only' into looks basically means they'd take someone who's out of their league but wouldn't be a good match, Over someone who is in their league (and not below) who Is a good match.

In general, men are the ones more likely to prefer 'a woman with a, b, OR good looks'.

Well, if it's an "or", then good looks is merely an option for men, so by your rationale, looks aren't as important as a Requirement that "and" brings for the ladies. :) While I don't agree with that quote, I still don't think guys are into looks as much as stereotypes are concerned. At about 60-90 minutes before a bar closes, many guys are more than willing to mesh with an easy gal than a better looking gal who he'd have to work like someone mining for iron to garner some interest. And it doesn't require a gal to be "easy" either. Many guys with singles/dating experience are going to lessen their chasing interests on a gal who's an 8.5 but is like a brick wall due to her "comfort zone" (and not [just] about sex), and instead roll with a seemingly more compatible & non-brick-wall 7, as long as "7" is in his datable range.

And also, (non-metrosexual) guys don't tend to spend so much time in the mirror obsessed about their looks, or so easily turned off by a member of the opp-sex's looks due to her style/swagger as he's more into natural beauty where gals tend to eye more into fashion/style. I think you'll find more women willing to aim a little lower VS guys when it comes to looks in the Relationship scene because of other attributes more women will be looking for than men won't when it comes to Relationship-hunting: financial security, comfort-zone security due to issues/fears about the opp-sex, etc. All in all, both genders have Looks as #1. But with looks, again, it's not necessarily about "raw hotness" -- and with looks, there's no time consumed thinking about it and judging -- hence the illusion it "doesn't matter that much".
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 225
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History
Red flags
Posted: 4/8/2015 8:46:20 PM
I think it is wise to get a background check if you are seriously contemplating a relationship but for a first meet, no I do not think so. While it is mostly men who murder, abuse, rape etc, some women have records of criminality that you would rather know about. So tit for tat. If I was to investigate a guy' background then I would be prepared for him to investigate mine.
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