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 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 51
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Boyfriend wants sex all the time?Page 3 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
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Just impose a 5 dollar fee - the math basically works like:
5 dollars isn’t much in terms of cost vs benefit in the grand scheme: – per getting laid.
(player-ability will vary per guy, subject to terms and conditions)
If a business could ethically create a system where a guy through a standard fee of 30 dollars a month instantly link up with his next suitor – sticking with the metaphor – the women pays nothing, and in exchange for sparing genitals – she makes 5 dollars each time.
(with the stipulation) that replacing her will cost the guy….
I don’t know, lets say 300 dollars, and a massive headache from listening to dumb chick shit from dating failures – again were sticking with the metaphor –
I mean yeah, you get someone new and you have the new sex - but the cost is much greater, so the guy will typically pay the 5, as opposed to ditching you because you’re a prude.
You get the purchasing power of his 5 dollars, and eventually you both curtail at some point. See where im going with this? Impose a cost vs benefit matrix, and adjust the value of your __ accordingly.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 52
Boyfriend wants sex all the time?
Posted: 3/20/2015 3:35:28 PM

Just impose a 5 dollar fee - the math basically works like:
5 dollars isn’t much in terms of cost vs benefit in the grand scheme: – per getting laid.
(player-ability will vary per guy, subject to terms and conditions)
If a business could ethically create a system where a guy through a standard fee of 30 dollars a month instantly link up with his next suitor – sticking with the metaphor – the women pays nothing, and in exchange for sparing genitals – she makes 5 dollars each time.
(with the stipulation) that replacing her will cost the guy….
I don’t know, lets say 300 dollars, and a massive headache from listening to dumb chick shit from dating failures – again were sticking with the metaphor –
I mean yeah, you get someone new and you have the new sex - but the cost is much greater, so the guy will typically pay the 5, as opposed to ditching you because you’re a prude.
You get the purchasing power of his 5 dollars, and eventually you both curtail at some point. See where im going with this? Impose a cost vs benefit matrix, and adjust the value of your __ accordingly.


I agree, let him pay and see what happens.
 AussieNancy
Joined: 2/19/2015
Msg: 53
Boyfriend wants sex all the time?
Posted: 3/20/2015 4:51:13 PM

Full blood Hispanic race male, are ALL like that...And Yes, they do get mad when they do not get it.


But why? Would one consider that being selfish and childish? Do they have a tantrum when other things don't go their way? Is it perfectly acceptable to be considered a sex slave?


Perhaps that's why I do not find so badly the behavior of OP's fiancé.


Each to their own and their culture BUT, one has to wonder how many women are being raped by their partner and live in misery because they are not in control of their own body.

OP......I fear he may rape you at some stage. Get out of this abusive relationship. You deserve better.
 LadyEssKay
Joined: 2/13/2015
Msg: 54
Boyfriend wants sex all the time?
Posted: 3/20/2015 5:27:10 PM
I'm not as concerned at the level of his libido necessarily, but I am concerned with his level of anger when he doesn't get what he wants.

OP, people in relationships who have anger management issues sometime escalate to physical violence, and then the physical violence can also escalate. He is not simply angry, he sounds like he flies into a rage, despite your medical condition. I'm sure that his outbursts aren't helping your medical condition.

Ethnicity or cultural background does not excuse anyone putting another person at risk of harm. Although I don't have a crystal ball, I don't see this as being anything good in your future, unfortunately.
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 55
Boyfriend wants sex all the time?
Posted: 3/20/2015 5:32:37 PM

If a person ( male or female ), wish to communicate something to someone else then yes , it's THEIR responsibility to figure out how to do that EFFECTIVELY.


Then he should accept his responsibility to communicate EFFECTIVELY without screaming when he doesn’t get what he wants from her.


Exactly, which is why I suggested that IF ......IF ..... That is how Vicki or ANYONE communicates they might realize that is not an EFFECTIVE way of communicating


I don’t think anyone thinks screaming is effective communication, in any kind of relationship.


Turn it around, how would you feel if the person yelling at you …


I don’t listen to anyone yelling at me, forget dating him. However I don’t think anyone who has his head so firmly up his arse is worth attempting to communicate with, anyway.

Your capslock doesn’t scare me. :/


Full blood Hispanic race male, are ALL like that...And Yes, they do get mad when they do not get it. Perhaps that's why I do not find so badly the behavior of OP's fiancé.


You asked if he has a job; NOT if he’s Hispanic….which I guess in your eyes excuses him from all violent, abusive, childish behavior. But what if he’s Hispanic with no job? Should she take a second or third job to pick up his slack? SMH


While it IS important that I do my best to communicate in a calm, clear and respectful manner...I am NOT responsible for the other person's interpretation of what I said, or if they choose not to clarify, or are being deliberately reactive or obtuse....


Exactly. These are basic communication skills here.

It’s not her responsibility to make him listen to her…then is she supposed to make him care, and respond accordingly? I wonder where HIS responsibility begins…?

And we are talking about OP’s sexual relationship. So of course the way for him to communicate his sexual needs to her is to scream and demand like a spoiled brat. I know that would make ME want to make love to a man….. eyeroll.

Vicki, I’ve been where you are. Warm thoughts sent your way. xx
 AussieNancy
Joined: 2/19/2015
Msg: 56
Boyfriend wants sex all the time?
Posted: 3/20/2015 6:49:25 PM

Edge of a book to the throat cures yelling


Yes, crook, for a split second then it's knocked from your hand and replaced by his hand around her throat till she nearly passes out while raping her. I know that from experience. These so called "men" are pathetic pigs.

Back to topic. OP....get out of this 4 month relationship before something worse happens. I don't want to see a Part 2 of your situation.

I would rather live in a tent with a good man than live in a clean house with a bully.
 63T
Joined: 5/28/2006
Msg: 57
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Boyfriend wants sex all the time?
Posted: 3/20/2015 7:01:44 PM
Looking4u0123

The anger that he is expressing in this circumstance is an ego defense mechanism to protect the psyche from a more serious threat of anxiety and is a hindrance to healthy psychological coping, endangered self esteem, self-image deficit.
Currently (according to your typed words), he is not being abusive but merely expressing his anger through "yelling".
However, this form of ego-defensive, self-soothing, symptomatic anger can easily lead to abuse if not recognized and dealt.

If you are able, try to discuss with him the root of his anger; the underlying anxiety due to:
Fear of rejection, intense guilt or shame, powerlessness, feeling unimportant or unlovable, etc.
You might ask what having/not having sex every night means or represents to him.
This may take some time to process because from the point of his arousal of fear to his equally intense anger can happen so fast that he may not recall the instantaneous intrepidation that preceded the anger.

Healthy psychological coping means possessing internal resources to self-validate. The ability to admit/acknowledge our possible inadequacies without experiencing unbearable guilt or shame.
If he lacks internal resources to self-validate, he may invalidate others through desperate, reactive, self-soothing anger.
 Debisue64
Joined: 1/19/2014
Msg: 58
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Boyfriend wants sex all the time?
Posted: 3/20/2015 7:59:10 PM
its simple.. just say no

he doesnt deserve you.. time to move on
 Aprilikeswhiteroses
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 59
Boyfriend wants sex all the time?
Posted: 3/20/2015 8:10:36 PM

You asked if he has a job; NOT if he’s Hispanic….which I guess in your eyes excuses him from all violent, abusive, childish behavior. But what if he’s Hispanic with no job? Should she take a second or third job to pick up his slack? SMH


I did ask if he has a job because It is important that the man has a stable job it doesn't matter what race or color. The man MUST work. That's why I said this VVVVVV in msg #7 when op said he keeps a super clean house:VVVVVVVV
"These "qualities" are accepted ONLY if he has a stable job outside the house…It is THEN that both are on the SAME level to provide And appreciate these extra qualities so needed in a relationship."

If he is Hispanic (or any other race) with no job then she SHOULD send him to the planet of the Apes with a ticket of no return.
NO, I do not approve any violent behavior. NEVER.!!
Op said ANGRY, right??.....We ALL get angry sometimes and many times we say things that we should not say to our loved ones, But one thing is getting angry and another act violently.
Many people here are exaggerating Op's words.....Cheeseandcrackers.!!



Waking her up is NOT okay.!!
Now, Talking about Hispanic men, Yes, they DO expect sex every night but just before going to sleep at night or early in the morning when we are already awake , they DO respect our sleep /rest, when we women have a job and need to get up early the next day.


I'm not as concerned at the level of his libido necessarily, but I am concerned with his level of anger when he doesn't get what he wants.


No reason to be concerned because When a man does not have the amount of sex he wants from his wife/or girlfriend at home, they at the beginning they get angry, but then he generally IS the one who moves on..... With another woman. And that is what probably will happen very soon with with op’s boyfriend.!And THAT's why I said this to op:VVVVVVVV
"You must speak with him and compromise three days a week to have sex.Or one on one off.!.........Sex is very important for SOME men, so you should take some vitamins or talk with your doctor about this if you feel that you can't have sex 3 times a week.........Some men really NEED that, I think he will understand if you talk to him, and promise to him that you will be "extra NICE" those nights...:)..........Yeah, he has good qualities.Take care of your relationship.!.........Remember nobody is perfect."

Op said he does have a job outside the house.This was her answer.:

Yes he does have a job outside if the home. He is just very hyper and always full of energy.



Clear case of incompatibility....Some thinks are not salvageable, such as this (i.e.differing libidos, drinking and religious values).

YEP.!! I agree with this statement.
 AussieNancy
Joined: 2/19/2015
Msg: 60
Boyfriend wants sex all the time?
Posted: 3/20/2015 8:31:28 PM

Currently (according to your typed words), he is not being abusive but merely expressing his anger through "yelling".


Great! So expressing anger through yelling when he wakes her up in the night because he wants to stick his d!ck in her on command isn't being abusive? OMG.


If he lacks internal resources to self-validate, he may invalidate others through desperate, reactive, self-soothing anger.


In other words, get the heck out of there, OP.
 LadyEssKay
Joined: 2/13/2015
Msg: 61
Boyfriend wants sex all the time?
Posted: 3/20/2015 9:03:07 PM

Currently (according to your typed words), he is not being abusive but merely expressing his anger through "yelling".


He most certainly is being abusive, not only by shouting at her, but by completely disregarding her medical condition and her need to rest. Abuse is not always a physical act.


If you are able, try to discuss with him the root of his anger; the underlying anxiety due to...


She is neither his therapist nor his mother. It is not her responsibility to help a grown man explore and sort through his anger management problem, and furthermore, she could be putting herself at even greater risk if she tries to do so. They have been dating for 4 months, if I'm not mistaken. Literally 12 weeks, and he's already flying into fits of rage. I shudder to think what will be happening by the 6 month mark.
 AussieNancy
Joined: 2/19/2015
Msg: 62
Boyfriend wants sex all the time?
Posted: 3/20/2015 9:26:47 PM

I shudder to think what will be happening by the 6 month mark.


I don't even want to think about it. I hope we are both wrong and the OP gets out while she can from this monster.
..........IF that's what she wants................
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 63
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Boyfriend wants sex all the time?
Posted: 3/21/2015 2:31:04 AM

Now, Talking about Hispanic men, Yes, they DO expect sex every night but just before going to sleep at night or early in the morning when we are already awake , they DO respect our sleep /rest, when we women have a job and need to get up early the next day.


Nice to see that you've been well-programmed....LOL You mean her "job" ISN'T to cater to his every desire?!?!?!!?

Yeah this cultural "schtick" is just so much BS imo...unless, of course you are back in your original culture and country of origin...Last I checked we live in a society that says that a person has the right to NOT automatically cede to their partner's wishes, whenever HE /SHE wants, whatever HE/ SHE wants.

I've heard that line, "It's a cultural thing..." from Greeks, Italians, Syrians and I could go on.....If the norms and mores of his original culture are so attractive, then perhaps they need to find themselves a good Hispanic woman who is in good health....Because let's remember that this isn't just about him wanting more sex, but the fact that he obviously has little to no concern about his partner's health...

FYI...last I checked, vitamins, don't cure Diabetes....

@63t....Excellent analysis...however people that are as self-absorbed as this guy sounds, rarely if ever have the ability OR the desire to introspect.
Also, I don't know about the OP, but there's a fine line between attempting to understand your partner's motivations and
playing "therapist/mommy" to a grown man who throws a temper tantrum when he doesn't get his own way. Last I checked, that's a sure-fire way to end up in an abusive relationship simply because you "understand" so MUCH about WHY he's behaving the way that he is behaving....
LOTS of abused women out there right now, lying in bed next to a callous, uncaring and abusive partner wondering WHEN he's going to 'appreciate' all of the 'understanding' that she has demonstrated and the abuse will STOP....
Hoping that she LIVES long enough to see it....
 You_Never_Knew_Me
Joined: 3/16/2015
Msg: 64
Boyfriend wants sex all the time?
Posted: 3/21/2015 3:56:22 AM
I used to have sex all the time but now that I'm old my wrists get sore.
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 65
Boyfriend wants sex all the time?
Posted: 3/21/2015 10:27:46 AM
You should see a physician for your tiredness. Hypothyroidism, large variations in BG, and vitamin D deficiency are all linked to exhaustion and are more frequent for diabetics than the population at large.

As for the temper-tantrum-throwing, hissy-fit boyfriend -- ditch him.
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 66
Boyfriend wants sex all the time?
Posted: 3/21/2015 10:56:59 AM
Has anyone ever dated a guy that got mad if he didnt get sex everynight



I have. For years.
It started when I was raising his colicky , never let me sleep, baby.
He even yelled at me to keep the baby quiet.
And ended 7 years later with him almost killing me and yanking the phone line out so I couldn't call the cops.


My advice is
leave him
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 67
Boyfriend wants sex all the time?
Posted: 3/21/2015 11:10:40 AM
Wtf Charmin, I can't even picture such a thing, the nerve of that man!!!!!

Edit to add:

vvvvvv

More power to you girl!!!
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 68
Boyfriend wants sex all the time?
Posted: 3/21/2015 11:22:52 AM
Belle....It was my fault for not having enough balls to do what I finally did leaving him. I can own up to that fact and am fine with it.
the sweetest thing about all this is that 11 years later he still begs me to hook up again whenever he picks up the kids and I have this power to say no each and every time as well as this control and opportunity to watch him leave MY HOME
Mine! I am the boss in my home. I rule the roost and because I raised the kids. ..not he....he bows to ME.
I know it sounds biotchy and power tripping but the man has done things after the separation so I feel I've earned the right to be.
Lucky for me...he and one other man, my last ex.....are the only men in my life I'm like this with.
This is because of my choice who to surround myself with. I can honestly say there are great men out there.

OP..... read the last two lines until it sinks in
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 69
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Boyfriend wants sex all the time?
Posted: 3/21/2015 11:47:57 AM
@ Charmin....

We learn in our own time and when you had the information and the strength, you made the right decision....Don't be beating yourself up for how long that took....it takes as long as it takes for each of us...

And yes OP, listen to this woman as she has lived it and is a shining example of a woman who has come through and is STILL open to loving someone else despite her past experiences....

There ARE good men out there.....I believe that and have seen that, now I just have to find one that is looking for me, too!!! LOL
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 70
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Boyfriend wants sex all the time?
Posted: 3/21/2015 1:25:02 PM
I live in a largely Hispanic community and no that isn't how they all act, it's how immature macho abusive men act (or abusive women) it's not cultural, they don't live in bubbles, it's how abusive people act. They are abusive and if you choose to be their victim then take responsibility for why you are staying. An abusive person who also has good qualities is still an abusive person, if you must make excuses for why you stay, so be it. The only reason abusive people get away with their behavior is because so many allow it, enable it.
 LadyEssKay
Joined: 2/13/2015
Msg: 71
Boyfriend wants sex all the time?
Posted: 3/21/2015 2:08:38 PM
And comments like the one directly above me, is precisely why people tend to remain silent about their being in an abusive situation. "Choose to stay", "allow" the behaviour. Good Lord.

People who are in that situation more times than not don't "choose to stay" as much as they can't get out, at least without being fearful for their lives, or the lives of their children. They live in fear, that any wrong move on their part will unleash a violent revenge on their abusers part. A person who is stuck in a domestic violence situation, should not have to take responsibility for their abuse. Their abuser has manipulated their mind so badly, that they are literal zombies, and can only function by creating a tandem reality.

Interestingly, I used to think it was that cut and dry. Until it happened to me. It took me 3 years to finally get him out of my house, and not without him assaulting me to unconsciousness. He had consistently threatened my kids, and my pets if I didn't tow the line. When I tried to get support from "friends", they had the same damned comments that you do. "Just get out. If you choose to stay then take responsibility for it". Some even went so far as to say that I must like being abused, and therefore I stay. People who are living under the threat of abuse and violence, are not enabling anything. They are simply trying to survive.

Domestic violence is not simply about the physical abuse and the shouting. There is a systematic breaking of the spirit that goes with it as well. Your comments are highly offensive to survivors, and are akin to telling someone with a broken leg to simply "walk it off".
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 72
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Boyfriend wants sex all the time?
Posted: 3/21/2015 2:20:53 PM
You are talking about something completely different than what OP has written, and yes I know full well that there are times when an abuser might harm or kill someone. When in that situation it takes getting help from professionals who can get you to a shelter, etc. Op is talking about a manipulating abuser who acts like a temper throwing brat, unless I missed it, she didn't say anything about him threatening her life or breaking her leg, he's using childish intimidation. And when in those situations, getting out is still the way to go, but how you go is more complicated. So enough with the hyperbole.

What's presented here is someone making excuses for staying when the answer is to leave, when one may be more desperate to be with someone than be alone. When someone gets attention for being with an abuser, they are being enabled, when one stays because they choose to, and not in a life threatening position. Sometimes people really don't know better, they need a wake up call and a plan, other times it's want they know and what they want, even if it's miserable. If you can't help at least don't enable.
 LadyEssKay
Joined: 2/13/2015
Msg: 73
Boyfriend wants sex all the time?
Posted: 3/21/2015 2:34:30 PM
Enough with the hyperbole? I can assure you that what I have stated of my experience is not mere "hyperbole". What a horrible thing to say. Of course, based on your stated paradigms, I shouldn't have expected anything different.

My abuse started EXACTLY like the OP's abuse. Childish shouting, and throwing things about. I did't think I had much to worry about.

Imagine my surprise, when out of the blue, I got thrown down on the ground. And then it escalated from there. You don't know what is in his head or whether he has the capacity to snap completely or not. So until YOU know the whole story, don't minimize it. Hospitals and cemeteries have had their fair share of people who also minimized, and didn't think that the shouting was anything to be afraid of.
 midnite_icecream
Joined: 12/27/2014
Msg: 74
Boyfriend wants sex all the time?
Posted: 3/22/2015 5:09:46 AM

I can understand a guy getting frustrated or angry if you go along with the foreplay and teasing and such and then try to stop the train once it enters the tunnel

Good point.

I'd think it high time women who are with men of that culture and mindset step up and not accept it as their due

Women allow/want men to take the lead in every culture in whatever respects. OP's sounds like a case of domestic violence, which verbal abuse is also counted as. I agree the OP should leave. His anger issues sound best dealt with by a professional.
Simply asking a woman who strolls by with her hubby if she can take a picture of you, she hands him the camera to do it. Some women are too backward (I don't mean that as an insult) in coming forward. I don't mind traditional roles in that I think it's a good thing for a woman to demur from behaving aggressively. But meekly accepting abuse allows growing dominance and control by aman already with a serious issue IMV.

Full blood Hispanic race male, are ALL like that...And Yes, they do get mad when they do not get it.
Perhaps that's why I do not find so badly the behavior of OP's fiancé.
He also has some good qualities We must take into consideration before making a decision.

In terms of future generations, you'd think raising a daughter would switch on a light to the realization that it's not something she should be taught to passively accept. Or maybe it's worth enabling the tempest if she's raised to insist on getting whatever she wants in exchange. In one way, I can see where it might work between two consensting parties but it also perpetuates shitty behaviour that can be transferred into future relationships.

Childish shouting, and throwing things about..... And then it escalated from there.

Was starting to think I was the only one who saw the potential for greater violence.
 StarClassic
Joined: 9/29/2014
Msg: 75
Boyfriend wants sex all the time?
Posted: 3/22/2015 1:17:00 PM

Each to their own and their culture BUT, one has to wonder how many women are being raped by their partner and live in misery because they are not in control of their own body.

OP......I fear he may rape you at some stage. Get out of this abusive relationship. You deserve better.


Spot on Nancy.
My late fiancé suffered the same abuse. It's not a matter of If, but When, the abuse escalates.
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