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 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 26
Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?Page 2 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
I'd be leery of buying diamonds at some pawn shops ( well from the Dina collection, yea..)
If it was owned by Liz Taylor I'd be shouting it from rooftops.. but you could buy it and have the stone mounted in a new setting.
One word - wholesale.
As long as he had the shorts, flip flops and t shirt on the correct body parts I don't care - couldnt see having a Kim and Kanye type wedding this age.
Beach - beach wedding. With people in ill fitting swim suits photobombing
 kj521
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 27
Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/22/2015 7:13:35 AM
Mr. Maleman? Some of us have done just that.

Since my late husband and I were recent college grads and impatient when we married.....we opted for a romantic, semi elopement and cost effective style wedding. And I am sure I am not unusual in this or their would be no reason for wedding dresses in resale shops.


I also would have no issue with a ring from a pawn shop. :)
 dpwesu
Joined: 3/25/2013
Msg: 28
Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/22/2015 7:42:52 AM
while I didn't read the entire post...... my question is.......

why even bother with it????

People are so quick and run off and get married.....and within 5 years they are splitting up......

So really.....there isn't any point whatsoever in buying rings and getting married only to leave less than 5 years later.

If you want a ring.....go buy one yourself, wear, and enjoy it. Don't go looking for someone else to purchase it for you.
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 29
Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/22/2015 7:46:57 AM

She will need the ring to sell when he leaves her with the kids to raise on her own (yes Ive woken up a bitter woman).


Don't you mean when she says "I am taking the kids and leaving you" to him?
 Demidar
Joined: 10/22/2014
Msg: 30
Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/22/2015 7:54:42 AM
Would think since marriage is fast becoming obsolete the rings probably will as well .
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 31
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Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/22/2015 8:11:00 AM
I have the wedding ring set from my previous relationship. We never got officially engaged and she only wore the ring briefly. I got it back when she broke it off with me.

It's a flower design (single diamond surrounded by six) with four tiny diamonds on each side of the band. The wedding band has nine small diamonds.

It's sitting in my sock drawer and I have had it back since August 2008 (I bought it in May 2007). Even though we were on and off several times since then, the ring never made it back on her finger.
 You_Never_Knew_Me
Joined: 3/16/2015
Msg: 32
Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/22/2015 8:13:44 AM
Engagement rings will never become obsolete, they'll just change the name to suit the occasion. I suggest the "Maybe we should have used a condom" ring
 Qura
Joined: 8/5/2014
Msg: 33
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Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/22/2015 8:29:17 AM
We all have expectations as we enter into relationships. But when someone has an expectation that takes on a specific material form, they have revealed a lot about who they truly are.

I expect love, kindness, a giving spirit, and attention to my expressed needs. I return the same.

A "giving spirit," however, has nothing to do with material things. It is an attitude of generosity that may or may not take the shape of "gifts."

If I notice that someone I love really lingered over something in a store, I might buy it for him/her unless the cost was truly prohibitive (ie, I could not anticipate having the cash available to buy it).

On the other hand, if I notice a loved one is struggling with a task, I would offer aid or even to take over that task, or maybe pay someone else to do that task for us.

The key here is that someone is noticing--paying attention, and finding a solution that fits the situation.

If I were ever to get engaged again, I would initiate a conversation about what steps--if any--we, as a couple, would want to take to share that information with others, or what--if any--symbols we want to exchange. If my partner showed up with a ring, he knows me well enough to know that this is not "required," and he chose to do it out of his own desire to share something with me.

Being open to one another's expectations and expressions--presuming good intent--to me is a much more valuable gift than any diamond.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 34
Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/22/2015 8:53:18 AM
Wedding rings are a waste of money. I was married once, insisted on my father (a jeweler) making a very inexpensive, simple ring that I think was around $150. I never wore it as I do not beleive in stuff like that, but at the time, I did it to please others.

When I look back on this though, I realize it was also my lack of interest in marriage in general that prompted some of the cost cutting. Marriage is not right for me, living with someone is not right for me, and things like wedding gifts, rings, the man having to bear the financial burden of these expensive and useless gifts, I can't relate.

I *refuse* to have anyone spend money on me. "Nice" things in life like trips, jewelry (which Im not into) or anything else is MY responsibility to purchase. It stresses me out actually, to think of someone blowing money on something like....a ring. Pointless. Invest your money in property or a business.

On the upside, the lack of an expensive wedding bill allowed us to buy a home two years later, which I still live in.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 35
Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/22/2015 9:11:28 AM

I have the wedding ring set from my previous relationship. We never got officially engaged and she only wore the ring briefly. I got it back when she broke it off with me.


You're lucky in a way that you got it back. I know of a couple who got engaged, she got the expensive fancy ring from him, they ended up having a big argument afterwards and called off the wedding in the heat of the moment. She was so mad at the time, she took off the ring and flushed it down the toilet. I wonder if she ever regretted it as much as the guy regretted buying the ring for her.
 Literate_Hiker
Joined: 1/1/2015
Msg: 36
Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/22/2015 9:32:58 AM
Before we were married, my ex-husband grew a bone spur on his left ring finger and couldn't get a wedding ring on. His first wife had left him after six months, saying their marriage was "too storybook."

Six months after our wedding, Terry visibly relaxed. The bone spur magically dissolved and he could wear a wedding ring.
 Eternityboreme
Joined: 3/18/2015
Msg: 37
Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/22/2015 10:23:41 AM

Wedding rings are a waste of money.


Not necessarily.

I made a monumental move abroad which I think warranted a wedding ring...since we had planned to get married...and did. I already had a home, vehicle, a boat, and hubby awaiting me, which became HALF MINE, once I married him. He gifted me with sapphire and diamond wedding ring; his mother's ring; and a watch with diamonds encrusted in it. (he also gave me our son.) After all, it was not the same burden I made when I sold my home, business, uprooted my family, and left my home country -- my choice -- but he wasn't selfish and I wasn't going to throw it back into his face by refusing to accept his gifts of appreciation.

As it were, I did get a "thank you," for giving birth to our son and he was an excellent step-father (who wanted to adopt my daughter) to my daughter. I'd say the exchange was a fair one. He also had the bonus of having passage to the United, several years after our marriage, because I needed to come home and he wanted a different life. I'd say he did a little better than me out of it. hahaha. What's a couple thousand dollar wedding ring next to that, anyway? ;-)

What did we gain by these initial gifts of commitment? He got a new wife and I got an education. Worth it.
 474rusty
Joined: 3/16/2015
Msg: 38
Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/22/2015 10:28:53 AM
"In these days of equality...." I wonder about this as well. We women are supposed to be equal, make our own way, independent, etc., so I am surprised at some of the responses here. I can see a 25 year old that has never married wanting the whole shebang of rings, fancy wedding but not those that have been married once, twice or more. It seems selfish or just odd.

"Why does a man's commitment need to be quantified..." Exactly, why? Why does he have to pay to show his commitment ? Seems silly in this age of "I am women hear me roar". Equality seems to have advanced women in so many areas and given not advanced men in a few areas, all things being equal in equality. Seems that in 2015 the Princess mentality is alive and well.
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 3/29/2014
Msg: 39
Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/22/2015 10:33:08 AM
For a first time marriage of young people, I like the idea of an engagement ring. Doesn't have to be a diamond; it can be whatever the young lady prefers and the young man can afford. I like the idea because I like tradition.

As an older woman hoping to marry one last time, I can do without the engagement ring. Like TK said, I don't need a ring to make the wolves back off or to remind myself I've made a promise to the man I love. Also, this time around I prefer to spend our time getting to know each other before the engagement and then moving to the wedding in short order.

On my wedding day my mother gave me her engagement ring. It had been passed down several generations - a son used it as an engagement ring, a daughter gave it to her daughter on her wedding day. I'm saving that and my engagement ring to give to my son for when he proposes to his (some day) fiancé. He can either give one of them as they are or have the diamond reset, I don't care.
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 40
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Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/22/2015 10:33:21 AM
Depends..but make her buy it herself.

Young people like those things..and I think I read statistically that the higher amount paid for weddings,etc = a corresponding high divorce rate. Leave it to you to decide if it is true or not.

I was married in a city hall , used a simple matching wedding ban given to us by her mom and we were together to the end.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 41
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Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/22/2015 10:41:52 AM
Stepping back from the particulars, to the important core of the original question...

the answer is an absolute "yes, now as much as ever."

The core of the original question is not really about whether we should as a society continue to cater to the particular detailed manner that various commercial interests have worked to cleverly intertwine into our traditions in order to insure themselves enduring profits.

I would suggest instead, that this thread question should be more broad in it's specific details, in order to get to the most important elements that cause us to ask this kind of question at all.

If we ask simply "do we still need rings?" , we will likely overlook entirely, the reason why rings and other traditions were brought into being at all.

It's not JUST about male ownership of females, if it was ever really so. There's more subtlety to it all than that rather crude appraisal.

The most important element to the development to relationship traditions, is to try to make sure that people understand and consciously do what they usually only think they are trying to do. It's difficult to explain, because it IS complicated and full of subtlety.

One of the most basic reasons for high cost traditions like engagement rings, is to indirectly assure that the people involved are taking what they are doing seriously. Not just to encourage the sale of precious gems.

The question really should be, is serious recognition of what it means to make a life together still important? That's what the traditions of rings and dowries and so on were originally designed to answer. And then in sequence, ask (as those who thought up the traditions did) How do we go about making sure that we are recognizing and accepting the great responsibilities that we are actually taking on?

And what can we do to nudge people who haven't really thought things through, in all the rush of brain chemicals and the fun that triggers them all, to behave themselves in a way which is both good for them, and for the society they play active roles within?

It doesn't have to be rings, but there does need to be SOMETHING more than momentary sensations of hotness.
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 42
Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/22/2015 11:24:11 AM

Sadly, a co-workers brother was expected to provide a ring of at least $15K in value.

I have no idea what his brother earns, but I am disappointed that a specific value was expected.


Yes, the obligatory addendum to the OP.

You know, that could have been said in jest. Otherwise I consider that very tacky behavior.

Why should you know how much your co-worker’s brother earns, how is that any of your business? Or how much he will or won’t spend on an engagement ring? Is a consensus from his brother’s co-workers required for him to purchase an engagement ring for the woman he wants to marry? It’s THIS kind of thing that would turn me right off a man, and has….gossiping like old women at the backyard clothesline about INTIMATE relationship that is none of anyone else’s business.

On topic, if I ever consider marriage again, any ring my respectful, loving man offers me will be graciously accepted.
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 43
Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/22/2015 11:28:42 AM
My ex husband and I had both matching engagement rings and wedding rings that he and I shipped in and brought together.
It was a backyard wedding from hell. (A surprise thunderstorm, drunk neighbor and broken into family car.)
That marriage lasted 2 years. He kept his rings. Mine along with other jewellery(my mom's) were stolen the day I was moving back home from states by roommate's kids. They were never recovered
That was... oh gosh... 22 years ago.

This time... I'd like a custom made antique style ring with a colored stone please and thank you.
Married in bed so I can get straight to the honeymoon.
The party AFTER the honeymoon so the fun never stops :)

Is it necessary in the 21st century?
It's necessary at any time for anyone who desires it
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 44
Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/22/2015 11:36:29 AM

She was so mad at the time, she took off the ring and flushed it down the toilet


The daughter told me that after a conversation on the phone with me over something about our split up, her Mom got pretty wound up, and threw her ring out the apartment balcony door. After about a half an hour she decided to she better run down and try to find it. The kid said she spent two hours on her hands and knees with a flashlight looking for that needle in the haystack. She probably figured out how much $$$$$$ she just lost with that one toss.

I always thought the rings were basically symbolic, until I went out to buy one. All kinds of things came into play with that purchase but, I can't really say the ex was really too worried about what I got for her. Maybe, THAT , was a sign of sorts???? Anyways, I don't really know about this one.

Supposedly "marriage" is a sign of commitment. And supposedly, the engagement ring, is a sign of the promise to marry. I bought the ring, and supposedly I got the promise. And yet, I've never been married. Funny what "symbols" can mean sometimes.
 Tall_iSpew_Poo
Joined: 3/17/2015
Msg: 45
Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/22/2015 12:09:18 PM
Sometimes I wonder why some of you people are single and then there are times threads like this are created and remove all doubt. My experiences are that chicks don't want you if they think you are a cheapskate. Looking for an excuse not to give a woman a ring reeks of being cheap.... cheap.... yes I feel like a bird chirping.
 474rusty
Joined: 3/16/2015
Msg: 46
Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/22/2015 2:50:04 PM
I think some are missing the point. In this day and age of equality, why is a man still expected to buy a ring? The "rule appears to be a ring worth 3 months of his salary. And yes, I have known a few that had to have a specific diamond set or specific caret amount. Why? I'd hope that for second marriages especially (or third marriages, etc.) that a diamond engagement ring would not be required. Why can't two grown people in mid life or later simply marry or commit to each other without a need for HIM to buy a ring? I'd rather send the money on a home or cottage or furnishings or a vacation or a combination of all those things. Long gone are the tokens of "I am now his possession ".

It was also "tradition" that we were basically barefoot, pregnant and education was wasted on us. I'm happy those "traditions" are gone. And sometimes traditions just become bad habits. I want the man, the whole man. That's good enough for me. Those that want bigger diamonds, the party or think ofmit as being "stuck" with someone shouldn't be dating, mating or pair bonding in any way shape or form. Funny how some declare how independent they are yet have caveats....buy me a ring.

I actually think that most men would be happy to give their love an engagement ring. The thing is, is it required? For me, no.
 Debisue64
Joined: 1/19/2014
Msg: 47
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Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/22/2015 3:36:34 PM
If he buys me our first dinner.. he can be non-traditional after that..

I don't need a ring.. Not even sure if i need the paper..

I think a "pre honeymoon" would work instead..
 BLonde^j^AngeL
Joined: 1/2/2015
Msg: 48
Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/22/2015 4:22:07 PM

In this day and age of equality, why is a man still expected to buy a ring


Where is it written that EQUALITY IS IN OUR ROMANTIC SEX LIFE?

Last time I looked I had a vagina & my partner has a penis.

We are NOT equal sexually.

We have different genders.

Our brains are hard-wired differently, our hormones & chromosomes are different.

I don't expect, but I accept & appreciate.

It's romantic & sexy when I get jewelry.

My Grandfather gave my Grandmother jewelry, my Father gave it to my Mother & I got it from my man/men (past ex bf's)

But at this point, I don't demand, but rather enjoy any gift he offers me.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 49
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Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/22/2015 4:30:42 PM
Rings in the marital arena are symbolic in most cultures. Traditionally, men give women gifts as a token of affection, there are other tokens of affection, too. Can't think of the name of the book but it's about how women and men like the other person's affection expressed, giving gifts is one, touch is another, words or verbally are another, there are 5.

Anyway, OP I think you not only missed the boat, you missed the ocean. Just MY opinion, I also think a ring is a symbol (again) of commitment, in that it's something that will last for a lifetime (like hopefully your relationship will). When you feel obligated to do anything, that, to me, is not a sign of a loving relationship. I would want to do things my man would enjoy because I CARE about him, not because I felt like I had to. To me, that's a sign that I love someone, if I want to do things to make him happy.

I don't think anyone needs to feel bound by tradition unless it's something they choose to do. Traditions are something we all have the right to accept or reject.

Oh and Blonde Angel hit on this a bit, but equal does not mean same. We can be equal but it doesn't mean we're alike. The equality you're speaking of are laws that ensure women equal opportunities in business, careers, etc. IE that women can't be discriminated against because of their gender. I think you've misused the concept of equality, again just my opinion.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 50
Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/22/2015 4:42:42 PM
I am happy to take those pesky diamond rings if you wish you be rid of them. I promise to send you real cards on special occasions :/
Some traditions are like rituals - why get rid of some that bring joy?
A Man doesn't have to buy me a big rock - however - he should because well, I can't cook. See my logic?
Bucsgirl it is lovely to see you posting again :)
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