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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?      Home login  
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 LadyEssKay
Joined: 2/13/2015
Msg: 101
Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?Page 5 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

Just to add to the mix. Don't know if it matters or not to some but, maybe, just maybe, we should research at how and at what cost to whom those diamonds get to be on those rings. A little bit of research may just switch a couple of your minds when asking and/or receiving one.


Canadian mined diamonds! They are certified conflict-free. :)

But its not only diamonds that are used in engagement rings. More and more are using other types of stones, including synthetic diamonds or cubic zirconia.
 474rusty
Joined: 3/16/2015
Msg: 102
Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/23/2015 6:42:13 PM
I understand the gift giving thing, I give gifts, not a big deal. I love giving gifts and receiving them. The thing is, he gives you and engagement ring and you give him....nothing. No ring in return .

I understand that church wedding mean something to many folks. You are personalizing and generalizing my personal preference. I don't care what you or other do, I don't require a wedding. I am low maintenance and no, just because you don't agree with me doesn't make you high maintenance . Geez.

To me, the story about your parents and your Dad giving your Mom a ring on their 25th anniversary is awesome. Best story in here and I thank you for that. This is love, respect, kindness, generosity and a wonderful declaration of a love that has lasted. They celebrated what they had as opposed to what they might have. This is what it's all about and not two people that have dated for a year and she wants a big azz or small azz ring from her man.

And I did not say anywhere that a woman shouldn't ask for or receive an engagement ring. The question was, why is it expected in this day an age.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 103
Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/23/2015 7:58:09 PM

....the story about your parents and your Dad giving your Mom a ring on their 25th anniversary is awesome.


Actually, it would make a lot more sense to do the ring giving after 25 years of marriage than before a wedding, when it's not known yet if the marriage is going to fail. That should be the new tradition. A reward, so to speak, for maintaining the true meaning of marriage instead of considering a marriage as a temporary situation, which is what it is currently to a lot of people. For older people, they could do the ring giving after maybe 10 or 15 years of marriage.
 pd481
Joined: 4/15/2010
Msg: 104
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History
Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/23/2015 10:14:45 PM
[That sounds scientific and legit. What if they bought a significantly bigger stone AND kept the sentimental first ring? Where did they find women to study who fit this weird criteria? How does buying a bigger ring make a marriage fail? Who conducted this study, and why? And who paid for it?] I read about the study in the WSJ - 2/26/2003 article by Jeffrey Zaslow. From the article:

"Among the most telling questions: Would you ever consider trading in your engagement ring for a bigger, better diamond? In a 1988 poll of 200 new brides by Diamond Cutters International, 46% said yes and 54% said no.

Now, 15 years later, these women have been polled again. Of those who in 1988 were willing to trade up their diamonds, 81% are now divorced. Of the sentimental types who said they'd never trade their rings, 78% remain married today. The results suggest that people who are "hard-wired" to upgrade rings also may be driven to upgrade cars, houses and eventually, spouses, says psychiatrist Francisco Montalvo, who monitored the study."

[I know you’re trying to make it look like those dirty rotten gold diggers cared more about the ring than the guy, but it’s really not flying.] I made no comment on the study - I just thought it was interesting. I agree this is not a conclusive scientific study, no p values, no evidence of double blinding, and no description of the two arms to guarantee they are comparable. That being said it is a hell of a lot more informative than the astronomy journals and cosmo magazines you are reading and informing your misandristic life views with.
 Strings6
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 105
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History
Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/24/2015 3:29:14 AM
It should come as no surprise that the traditions in favor of Women have and will remain while any benefits for Men have long since vanished....oh sure.they tell us we don't have to pay for the Cow's milk anymore but any Man knows that's BS as well....marriage rates are dropping and Men are opting out and this trend will continue because there is simply nothing in it for them anymore and very few feel any warped sense of duty to participate.
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 106
Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/24/2015 3:54:43 AM

my need to test the boundaries and test what they are like when they are angry, makes them angry.


Its difficult to get over a lost relationship - especially if it came at a time of vulnerability. I always complain about this relationship, but I kept going in to get hurt. And she kept cheating, eventually I just gave up and it turned into sex. That made it worse when she started saying I love you again. I don't know what I was doing, or why I was holding on to it. Sometimes we don't know what we are doing - or why we are doing it - its just we do it because the idea of not having that person is really hard to deal with.

So don't feel bad about making mistakes, if you can manage through the mistakes, and look inward. I could blame her for cheating on me over and over, and basically telling me to accept it - then implying love, after I asked her to stop. I mean I gutted myself, and I hold myself accountable for my stupidity. I know ill be cheated on again, just like I know I will find a girl who won't cheat. But being disillusioned by the experience - and developing anger over it - is perfectly valid. Because it sucks to have to manage through that garbage. And it sucks that people can't be honest, but as long as you're honest with yourself - that's the best thing you can ask for.


OK, I kind of see what your saying I think but why is being married more stressful?


Well I didn't mean to say it's more stressful, if I were to factor why a relationship may have stress. I would take a look at the years the relationship existed, the condition of the relationship as it stands, and the communication and teamwork therein.

Marriage - as it factors - I think makes a relationship more stressful for the severity of failure as it results in divorce or separation. A failed relationship is less damaging than a failed marriage. At least for me, when my marriage failed - I tried to take my life. I was severely depressed before the failed marriage, after I felt like I needed to die.


As long as you have one thing and do it, that helps.


I got a medical backpack, trauma wound dressing, tourniquets (one medical grade, the other I can fashion,) quick clot, alcohol, gauze, tape, water treatment tablets - all that stuff. And if there is a major earthquake that busts CA up really bad, or other disaster that causes massive casualty - that's what ill be running around with.


saved the planet but all you got is a pot of money and a problem that doesnt get solved.


Yeah its hard to know what to do about this, or what the ultimate toll will cause as the pollution mounts up. I believe that there is a breaking point, a point of no return - and I believe if we are not doomed any other way within our lifetime. Humanity is certainly doomed - it will be difficult to get everyone to adhere to planet health, when capital will always be the biggest motivator of humanity.
 474rusty
Joined: 3/16/2015
Msg: 107
Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/24/2015 7:09:53 AM
Have you two thought about exchanging private messages or private emails? Or starting a new thread on depression, hurt, PTSD or other personal issues.
 Demidar
Joined: 10/22/2014
Msg: 108
Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/24/2015 7:32:50 AM
Vicki is a bully , she never stops until she wins . laughing pretty hard at the moment . These forums are like reading the comic section of the paper . But the fact remains , since marriage is no longer a viable option for men , neither is buying the rings that go with it .
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 109
Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/24/2015 8:25:05 AM
If the divorce laws were changed so that it is law that if a marriage fails, the woman must return the engagement ring to the man, or at least offer him the monetary value of the ring if she wants to keep it, the issue of giving a woman an engagement ring wouldn't be as big an issue. An engagement ring should not only be a promise to walk down the aisle, but it should also be a promise to keep the marriage intact. Too many women only think about the big W day without thinking beyond that.
 BLonde^j^AngeL
Joined: 1/2/2015
Msg: 110
Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/24/2015 8:31:15 AM

should research at how and at what cost to whom those diamonds get to be on those rings.

I would look into that, plus anyone willing to tell about "Canadian" diamonds?

My mother had a lovely wedding band from my late father. But he never got her an engagement ring, altho other jewelry.

Her whole life, she used to bring it up & b1tch about it, half-jokingly.

When my Dad was very ill (he was 10 years older) I was friendly w/ the lead jewelry sales person at Penney's who as a retailer was quite esteemed at the time for good jewelry at fair prices. I went there & purchased a round cut & gave it to my Dad to give to my Mom bec. he was too ill to go shopping & then he was able to give her a ring before he passed.

It made her very happy, she did find out that I purchased it & it is quite pretty. If a person shops around, they can get a fair price.

Anyway, some things do have sentimental value, but I would not support a product that was garnered by inhumane treatment. I would love to hear about Canadian diamonds!
 LadyEssKay
Joined: 2/13/2015
Msg: 111
Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/24/2015 3:52:58 PM

I would love to hear about Canadian diamonds!


Here is some information about them. They are actually really nice diamonds! If I am ever in the market for a diamond again, it will be a Canadian one.

http://www.brilliantearth.com/canadian-diamonds/
 BLonde^j^AngeL
Joined: 1/2/2015
Msg: 112
Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/24/2015 6:10:42 PM
TY I like the idea of a diamond that is not mined immorally.
 slowitalldown
Joined: 1/25/2013
Msg: 113
Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/24/2015 6:18:06 PM
When I got married, my husband and I were both in university, being poor students.

When we got engaged, I wanted a ring, for sure. I went and looked at rings, then when we went together, I showed him the one I wanted. I think it would be called a promise ring, and if I remember correctly it cost $300. I loved that ring, and sadly years later it was stolen along with other jewellery (I took my rings off when I was playing, so the ring was at home)

When we got married, we went to some pawn shops, and found a unique set- again, I think we paid about $50 each. That ring was also stolen. I always loved that ring.

Years later we were vacationing and I saw a ring set- old fashioned and fairly unique- he saw how much I liked it, and went back on his own to buy it for me. I loved that one also, and at that stage in our lives, it wasn't a huge investment.

My daughter recently got engaged- she is using the wedding band part of the ring and having it made to fit her engagement ring in the same style. I think that is lovely also.
 Eternityboreme
Joined: 3/18/2015
Msg: 114
Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/24/2015 10:03:13 PM

Everyone thinks their " former got the better end of the deal". Everyone. I've not read anything on these forums or talked to a divorced person in real life who didn't think their "former" got the better end of the deal. Funny how that works. I'm thinking if we talked to this poster's hubby he would say "she got the better end of the deal".


He would agree. :)



I never put a price tag on my reproductive capabilities either. Oh well, live and learn. If I'm ever reincarnated I will make a few changes.


I would -- as my pregnancy did affect my health in the most unpleasant way. (Iwas more than just an incubator for my then husband.)

Don't like my perspective? Piss off.
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 115
Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/24/2015 10:09:47 PM
Hey jack a$$....

I've never once felt my ex's got the better end of the deal.

I paid, and my money was not a replacement for being a father figure.

So stick a carrot up your a$$ with your theories.
 Eternityboreme
Joined: 3/18/2015
Msg: 116
Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/24/2015 10:29:35 PM
I had more value than my engagement/wedding rings.
 platypus_man
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 117
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Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/24/2015 11:34:39 PM

Why does a man’s commitment need to be quantified by a diamond?

Because many women see it as a sign of financial commitment and expect it. The more things change, the more they stay the same. I work in a female dominated profession, and the discussions about 'landing a man', 'he's a good catch', 'getting him to commit' haven't changed in 30 years, and neither have the discussions about who's ring is bigger or nicer, or about who's husband does what for a living and how much money he makes, and how big a house he can afford and in what class neighborhood. Women and men want different things when they search for a mate, and women want a guy with assets and status just as much as men want a physically attractive woman.
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 118
Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/25/2015 1:52:04 AM
I have no doubt the jewelry industry hopes the tradition will stay alive and well.

I grew up in a religion that did not allow for the wearing of jewelry. My mother was given a simple small gold wedding band from my father but she never wore it.
I never expected to receive and/or wear an engagement ring.

My first husband went shopping with me and together we bought wedding bands. That's it period.
My second husband gave me the wedding set he purchased for his first engagement. He did ask if I minded and I answered, "No it doesn't matter, to me. Actually I don't need or want a ring, but if you feel I should wear one, then the formerly used ring is fine."
When we divorced I offered to return the rings. He refused my offer.
When my son became engaged to his wife, he asked for the diamond from this wedding set. I gladly consented. Now my daughter-in-law has the diamond, in a ring of her choosing. LOL, Third times the charm!

My birthstone is diamond. I have asked for a small birthstone ring for my birthday, from my BF. LOL, we'll see!
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 119
Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/25/2015 10:58:34 AM

If the divorce laws were changed so that it is law that if a marriage fails, the woman must return the engagement ring to the man, or at least offer him the monetary value of the ring if she wants to keep it, the issue of giving a woman an engagement ring wouldn't be as big an issue.


I don't think so.... because that is very close to the law in so many states and places. If given at traditional gift holidays (like Christmas or Valentine's) an engagement ring may be considered a gift and the woman retains it if the engagement is broken. However, it can also be considered a 'conditional gift' based on the condition of getting married and, in those cases and places, she may be legally obliged to return it. Y(legal)MMV.

It hasn't made much change in this 'tradition' - which is actually less than 100 years old.
 thebugisbackagain
Joined: 3/19/2015
Msg: 120
Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/25/2015 10:15:59 PM

My first husband went shopping with me and together we bought wedding bands. That's it period.


We did the same thing. I didn't like it when people were showing off their engagement rings so I didn't want one. I mean I could understand being happy to marry the person you love, but gushing over the size of the stone never made sense. Besides, I didn't see how a rock said I love you more than how a person behaved.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 121
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Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/25/2015 10:47:13 PM
T hese days women often contribute to their rings and you can get synthetic diamonds that look for all the world like the real thing. If you have plenty of money to splash around it is fine but I would prefer a nice new lounge suite or other household items.

As for the size of the rock denoting your lovability I doubt modern young women think that way now, surely? It is rather like the big splashy wedding and dress that is worn once and then it is all being paid for, for years to come. All to impress others, madness!!!!!

I was engaged twice and when the relationships ended I offered the rings back, neither gentlemen wanted them and I kept one and reset another to give to a niece.
 justdeb1111
Joined: 8/12/2012
Msg: 122
Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/29/2015 8:54:53 PM
Naw, no need for a diamond and I definitely agree that if it is a young couple who do not already own a home that the cost of a diamond, wedding, honeymoon should be instead used for a down on a house.

Now if some fo.. er... gent were to propose (marriage) to me, no problemo--I know several local metalsmiths who have the skills to create the rings. For a stone, if required, I agree with whomever said aquamarine and I'd also add that blue topaz or even amethyst would be most beautiful and appropriate. (Hopefully someone is taking notes?)

Any takers?
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 123
Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 4/6/2015 12:08:38 PM
Clooneystutor- To a lot of people, it's traditional and symbolic of the commitment to each other.
If a man doesn't want to exchange rings, the simple solution would be to find a like minded woman.
Really, the only way it would be an issue is if a woman insists on paying more than a man can afford, jmo.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 124
Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 4/6/2015 12:33:59 PM

Clooneystutor- To a lot of people, it's traditional and symbolic of the commitment to each other.
If a man doesn't want to exchange rings, the simple solution would be to find a like minded woman.
Really, the only way it would be an issue is if a woman insists on paying more than a man can afford, jmo.


My girl and I are saving every penny for the house. We're just going to buy rings and be done with it.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 125
Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 4/6/2015 1:26:33 PM
InnerGorilla- Congrats again on your engagement and the new house! :)
I don't blame either one of you for not making a fuss about fancy rings, it's the long term that matters ;)
Simple bands are fine, the house and your marriage are more important, for sure.
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