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 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 51
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What do 50+ men want?Page 3 of 54    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41)
What can I say. It appears that most of the men on dating sites are of a type and character that is completely beyond my own personal experience in life. I guess the dating site enables these people to get out there and interact in a way that was not all that easy before dating sites existed.

Mind you, I have never found very many possibly compatible women by browsing the ads on these sites. Maybe 3 or 4 out of the hundred that show up as "matches".
 antirepublican
Joined: 12/31/2014
Msg: 52
What do 50+ men want?
Posted: 3/24/2015 6:11:42 PM
What do men 50+ want? Does it even matter? Even if they told women exactly, women would defiantly refuse to use the information or argue why they are not allowed to want what they want. I have never heard any woman -- any age -- say that they would do even the most trivial thing to mollify a man.
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 53
What do 50+ men want?
Posted: 3/24/2015 6:22:52 PM

Oh, I'm prepared for the unrealistic responses -- Barbie, Miss America, Supermodel -- all young enough to be their kid. I'm just curious to see how many will admit it LOL

So we have a thread where the answer has already been predetermined. Either 50+ men want a vastly younger Barbie, Miss America, Supermodel, or they are flat out lying. Thread over.


So now I will give an honest answer (and likely be ridiculed and called a liar). This 56 year old man (yep, I may look older, but that is my age) is not really looking for a relationship any longer because I am tired of the one sided expectations that are still so very prevalent in today's relationships. Women expect to be chased, wooed, an courted by the man, yet what efforts are being made by them (and don't say makeup, personal hygiene, and fashion); the man has to prove himself to win her over (like she is some prize). But let's just pretend that I was still interested in a relationship.

What I would be seeking in a woman/relationship is similar to what I thought I had in my marriage; a woman who was kind and understood me, a woman who put up with my interests/quirks and even shared a few, a woman with compassion and consideration for others. Since the divorce, I would have to add to the list of traits, a woman who is not selfish, entitled, or demanding, a women who doesn't have an inflated opinion of her worth, a woman who doesn't believe that compromise is something that only a man should do, and a woman who IS loyal and honest. We would share common interests, and be willing to explore those that are new to one (or both) of us.

As for physical aspects, she would have to be attracted to me, and I would have to be attracted to her. For me, she would have to be slender (size 6 or 8, unless we are talking Chico's), pretty face (not necessarily a supermodel, but prettier than what many others around me call pretty; we all see things differently), and not too tall (like 6' 4'') or too short (less than 5' 0"). Sure, this makes me a bit of a hypocrite since I am overweight and misshapen (scars and bulges) thanks to medical procedures, but as I have already stated, she would have to be attracted to me; I am not asking anyone to settle so stop asking me to.

Sexually (without going into detail), I would desire a woman who would either enjoy or would be open to exploring the sensations of mild bondage play in both roles. Any sexual activity would have to start off slowly, as it has been a long time and my stamina may be a little (oh crap, I said little) lacking.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 54
What do 50+ men want?
Posted: 3/24/2015 6:24:39 PM

Literate_Hiker: I've met 125 to 150 men ages 50-65 through online dating.


I wonder what women would think of a guy who makes a proclamation of meeting that many women and is continuously adding to the total.
 Literate_Hiker
Joined: 1/1/2015
Msg: 55
What do 50+ men want?
Posted: 3/24/2015 6:54:39 PM
The experience of women with online dating is different from men's. Online dating exposes me to millions of shmucks across the world who can wrangle an internet connection before fastening their pants.

Men will say anything to get close to an attractive, slender, fit woman. "I LOVE hiking!" they proclaim on the phone. Turns out they never hiked a day in their lives. Or the last time they hiked was in the Army at age 18.

Because I was raised with good manners, I graciously engage men in conversation when we meet. I have only stood up and walked out twice: 1. when a man got drunk and verbally abusive; and 2. when another asked me to join him in group sex.

The hardest first meet for me is when men act withdrawn and shy. Getting a word out of them is like pulling teeth. When a man is a conversational dud- like a lump on a log- I feel bored. It's trying to provide all of the conversation, ideas and humor.

As an extrovert, I love intelligent conversation and witty banter. I married an introverted artist who is an art teacher and hiker. Our daughter, Claire, is an introvert. And I am friends- and had loving relationships- with introverted people. However, they are all good conversationalists, intelligent, funny and fun. They need to recharge themselves alone.

Online dating attracts many shy introverts who are socially awkward, because they have trouble meeting women in real life. Computers are comfortable for them because they don't have feelings.

The trouble is when they finally meet a woman, their shyness and social awkwardness prevents them from connecting once again. I hope they find someone.
 mrgorton
Joined: 3/20/2014
Msg: 56
What do 50+ men want?
Posted: 3/24/2015 7:32:27 PM

I'm prepared for the unrealistic responses -- Barbie, Miss America, Supermodel -- all young enough to be their kid


We can't always get what we want..

and for that he would need money and lots of it. And most men don't have it, as it was conveniently taken from them by a previous marriage or two plus child support.

Of course I don't want that, I just want an old hag.
 mrgorton
Joined: 3/20/2014
Msg: 57
What do 50+ men want?
Posted: 3/24/2015 7:35:30 PM

Over 75% wanted sex on the first date.


And the other 25% would have wanted to have sex on the first date, but left their Viagra at home.

It would suck to have dated 150 women from dating sites and they all would want to have sex with me. What is one to do? Yuck.
 rwable032
Joined: 1/23/2015
Msg: 58
What do 50+ men want?
Posted: 3/24/2015 8:53:32 PM
The men I know who have aged along with me through that +/- 50 demographic, want the same thing now as then. It goes with the man, not the age. If they were a player or cheater before 50, they're still players and cheaters. They are maybe more upfront about it now. There are plenty of 50 plus women who clearly only want a good time, don't anyone flatter yourself that men are the dogs.
Ones like me that were always looking for the one nice woman still look for the one nice woman.
If they were married with children and got divorced, well all bets are off.
Some look for another wife to continue a family. Some have written off relationships of any kind like they did their time and got paroled early.
 justdeb1111
Joined: 8/12/2012
Msg: 59
What do 50+ men want?
Posted: 3/24/2015 10:19:58 PM
Interesting that younger women assume older men have problems with sexual arousal. I must have been dating the Viagra for lunch bunch because I've not met one 50+ yet that had any problem whatsoever in that department.

Of course, it could have been the inspiration :)
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 60
What do 50+ men want?
Posted: 3/24/2015 11:00:04 PM

I've met 125 to 150 men ages 50-65 through online dating.

Wow, that's a lot. Say in typical weeks when single & no holidays/vacations/etc, one meets a new person every other weekend = 26 dates a year. But say that's divided in half due to not being single (or at least not a newbie or at least seeing someone if not BF) = 13 different guys a year. So basically, 10 years of "average dating speed"? Again, just a guess. But 130-135 guys is a lot!

They all wanted a slender, fit and pretty woman.

Well, who wouldn't? "Do you desire slender, fit, pretty women?" "Ummm, yeah?" "Hmm. Ok." (rolling eyes) I think if "all wanted" that, meaning they All Demanded that, I think a lot of that's running on assumption.

Over 75% wanted sex on the first date.

I am very curious to see how your questionnaire is set up. :) Or did they say "Hey, let's leave this place and have sexual intercourse. You in? I mean, can I get in?" I will say this... just because a guy would be up to having a nightcap at his or your place (I'm assuming this may be the trigger) -- doesn't mean he's truly Chasing the concept to have sex or even expecting it. And just because a makeout session on the couch has him slowly testing the waters with his hands doesn't mean he had some Vagenda laid out to get laid. He's just rolling with it. It can be seen as not ideal to some gals -- but my point is, many guys just roll in that direction, requiring not being pushy either.

Fifty percent wanted sex with no commitment, a "friends with benefits" relationship.

How did you assess this part, tho? (and I guess also the others)?

Four of the men never learned to cook.

ONLY 4 out of 135?! :) That's pretty DARN good odds in your favor if you Strongly Desire a guy who cooks. I'm assuming you meant the other way around. A lot of guys can cook, but "cook" is such a broad term -- many aren't into making big dinners with multiple dishes, etc.

They expected me to do all of the cooking and meal planning.

Assuming it was the 129 and not merely 4 -- are you sure about that? Or did they Let you do all the cooking that you felt was necessary for the situation, etc? I would assume it wasn't that bad and the real issue was that they weren't "into" being involved with cooking (or if they were they weren't up on it and would be frustrating for ya). I wouldn't put this in the realm of "bad". Just a taste issue for ya. Now, at the point they're a BOYFRIEND, I would then say that's objectively Not a good thing if they never want to help out/learn in cooking (the latter part is on you too as well tho). But just seeing each other? Just don't prepare so much if that's a burden on ya. Put on your profile that you like a guy who Wants to cook together sometimes and if he can't you show him the ropes in such fun exercises, etc. and that's important to ya. That'll weed 'em down.

"You can whip me into shape," overweight men said.

Yeah, that's asking too much. But don't you put a disclaimer if too many men are heavier than their pics that you're stringent on a guy looking like his pics in his body type, otherwise the meeting won't go well?

Non-hikers all wanted me to teach them to hike.

Well, you have an issue with teaching a guy how to cook how you like to -- and not wanting to teach him the ropes of hiking? Why not? I could see if he wanted you to teach him while he took notes on the couch so he'd be hiking on his own, sure. But if he has genuine interest, that's a Good thing! :)

They LIKED the idea being in shape and hiking with me.
But they lacked the personal motivation to exercise and eat right.

Were you wanting them to eat Your Way, and to exercise outside of hiking? I can understand at post-middle-age, guys who aren't athletic won't be able to hike As Much as you find ideal (when they do want to hike).

But I think you're Expecting a guy who cooks -- and not just knows how to cook a few things in his apt over and over. But he's Into Cooking, and follows the same general (upper-echelon) diet as you do, while being in notably above average shape for his age, while also Knowing About hiking -- and possibly knowing about other things that you hold pretty dear because you don't want to bother with teaching someone the ropes due to past experiences. IMO, I would say put that on your profile. It will narrow your prospects, yes. But if you still meet with someone who doesn't fit said guidelines, then you can't complain (having to deal with their lack of cooking & hiking skills, and lack of physical endurance or physique).
 Literate_Hiker
Joined: 1/1/2015
Msg: 61
What do 50+ men want?
Posted: 3/25/2015 12:42:22 AM

Norwegian guy: why not wanting to teach him the ropes of hiking? if he has genuine interest, that's a Good thing! :)

I want an experienced hiker because I am tired of teaching novices to hike. Often people ask me to take them hiking. I rarely take beginners. My style of hiking involves negotiating lively creeks with slippery rocks and logs in the creek, and hiking steep trails that often gain 1,000 feet in elevation per mile.

Experience and fitness are needed to: know what equipment, food, water and clothing to pack, safely hike steep, hazardous trails, pace yourself, keep your energy up, and prevent falls and injuries.

Some men won't listen to a woman and do numskull, dangerous things in the mountains. They refuse to respect my 40 years of hiking and backpacking experience. They make common mistakes:

http://www.oprah.com/health/Hiking-Mistakes-to-Avoid-How-to-Hike-for-Exercise

Also teaching novices limits me to easy, short, low elevation hikes. I don't want to hurt or exhaust them. Meanwhile I'm eager to get up into the high alpine lakes with steeper, more difficult ascents.

With experienced hikers, it's easy. We share decisions and have confidence in each other. We quickly assess each situation, automatically pick a line (like downhill skiing), show endurance, avoid hazards and injuries and reach our goal: ethereal alpine lakes and stunning mountain views.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 62
What do 50+ men want?
Posted: 3/25/2015 2:58:53 AM

Well, I suppose it would depend on how you define a meeting, however, for me, the prospect of meeting 150 women to find 1 suitable match, and then not succeeding, kind of makes me think that online dating is a complete waste of time, money and effort. In R/L you can certainly meet hordes of people, but I don't think I ever dated more than 3 or 4 before connecting into a relationship that went on for years. I certainly would not be classifying all the women I passed on the street on the way to work as "meetings" in the sense of the hunt for happiness.

If I went on dates with 150 women at my age, I would probably be physically, financially and emotionally exhausted, and have switched teams.....


This is more my personal experience, I don't think I have met 50 women as a potential date in my lifetime.

Maybe I have a better picker than most, maybe I have limited choices, hard to tell the difference.

If I say I am dating someone, it means it's sexual. If it's not sexual, then I think of it as a friendly getting to know someone, not dating. Seeing if we want to really date.

My feeling is about 1 in 7 women I date will turn into a very long term relationship. One in 20 someone I would like to be married to.

BUT if I were single again, I would look to just serial date and not get tied down to one woman. I usually just let the relationship flow into a LTR, but I would like to try keeping it more casual and rotating new women. I think my wife is close to perfect for me, having had that, maybe try being a low key player if I had to date again? The problem for me was, do you dump someone that is long term great for me for a short term fling that won't work out LT? I would chose the LTR, but I never honestly gave the low key player choice a real chance to work. Maybe I wasn't secure in thinking there would be another short term fling around the corner?

But basically, what do I want? Pretty simple, just someone that is fun to be with. It really didn't matter if there were long term problems as long as the short term was interesting. I am pretty adaptable in the short term. Pretty low threshold, so I have dated a few very odd women.

I don't have any significant hobbies or interests, so hiking, bowling, shopping, exotic foods, playing board games, online games, quilting, I can go with whatever. At least for a few months until I get bored.

Long term, I like biking in the summer, occasionally I like to compulsively read a good book, every 2-5 years I like to take an exotic vacation, for a LTR I require the potential of having crazy monkey sex when the mood strikes. In between times I am content to do much of nothing living life on the Internet.
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 63
What do 50+ men want?
Posted: 3/25/2015 4:50:26 AM

What do 50+ men want?


Well this morning......this one wants......two eggs over easy, bacon, hashbrowns and toast.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 64
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What do 50+ men want?
Posted: 3/25/2015 5:59:42 AM
Well, LH, you remind me of a good friend who would write a profile pretty well identical to yours. She is somewhat down the road from you in life, but her relationship history is pretty similar, her educational background similar, and her activity profile similar. In her case, the net result is she has remained single for the last 30 odd years, always finding her suitors somehow unsatisfactory. Of course, its always a choice, and she always chooses her life over anything that deviates in any way to accommodate a significant other. Nothing at all wrong with that. She is out there hiking the Sierras, etc, and she is quite happy.

My point is simply that she is not really looking for a relationship, and has successfully not found one. Given her situation, her intelligence, her economic independence, and the social structure she is embedded within, it is not at all hard to understand her situation and choices. Its quite rare for anyone with a well developed life without external or internal pressures to find a truly compatible mate. In her case, she would readily admit that any relationship would have to be fairly casual, satisfying intellectual, sexual and companionship needs, but nothing that changes the basis of her life.

You indicate you are seeking a relationship, but exactly what does that mean to you? What would you be prepared to change to be in a relationship? Its all very well to ask what men want, but more relevant to state what a woman is prepared to offer, and what level of commitment to success she is willing to pursue.

Too many people sit back with a filter in front of them and then wonder why it is that they only find unsatisfactory candidates. Relationships are a creative endeavour by both parties. The fail when one or the other party stops at a barrier.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 65
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What do 50+ men want?
Posted: 3/25/2015 6:07:49 AM

Interesting that younger women assume older men have problems with sexual arousal. I must have been dating the Viagra for lunch bunch because I've not met one 50+ yet that had any problem whatsoever in that department.


I have been told that sexual problems are strongly associated with age. While it is true that I am much less obsessed with sex than I used to be, I don't need Viagra and am amazed at the level of reports of men with performance issues. I am a firm believer in the thought that the response of a partner has a lot to do with the response of the other partner.

So far..
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 66
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What do 50+ men want?
Posted: 3/25/2015 6:33:28 AM
To say that something like ED is about a partner's response is to do a disservice to all involved, imo...

The equivalent would be vaginal dryness in women and the reality is that both of these things in older people tends to be based in the purely physical, with perhaps a touch of the psychological thrown n there once the 'problem' has occurred more than once....

Men who have ED, tend to have other health issues and are generally over weight, from what I understand, but a drop in testosterone levels that accompanies age can also play a large part.

People who believe that they are somehow 'responsible' for their partner's autonomic arousal mechanisms, are taking FAR too much credit and/or carrying far too much of the burden for the quality of the sexual activity...

We get older and stuff happens...while exercise, good diet and a clean lifestyle CAN make some significant differences, mostly it's just a fact of Life, and we are fortunate to live in a time when we have solutions for these types of problems...
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 67
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What do 50+ men want?
Posted: 3/25/2015 6:47:19 AM
Well, there is no responsibility in this issue, and of course it is well known that other medical issues, booze, pills, and general level of fitness do all play a part in ED. However, sexual response is also a function of mutual interaction. We have all experienced sex where one or the other partner is not into it at the time. I am not placing any blame, siply observing that if the feelings are not mutual, it gets harder for it to happen at all. People can and do compensate for things like vaginal dryness. There are options.
 the_summerwind
Joined: 9/11/2014
Msg: 68
What do 50+ men want?
Posted: 3/25/2015 7:16:22 AM

Men date for sex & companionship.
If I commit to that, I want to be treated w/ love & respect.
Heaven forbid a woman states what she wants & wants some level of emotional fulfillment.


Imo, if it means anything, in what you say to a woman, it would be giving & showing, ‘’emotional fulfillment’’ by a long shot...


Too many people sit back with a filter in front of them and then wonder why it is that they only find unsatisfactory candidates. Relationships are a creative endeavour by both parties. The fail when one or the other party stops at a barrier.


Some good points there ‘’rearguard''....as for many who are over 50. As imo, those who can’t find a,'' happy middle of the road ,’' compromise etc.... then the whole concept of a relationship would be null & void. Maybe put them in a‘’friend zone at best'' but nothing more then that.

And for those here who are, ‘’ AKA the serial daters’’ I’m not sure whats that all about either.
It like they already have either have ‘’pigeoned hole’’ him or her before the dance as ever started... and in the same breath they continually pick those who are ‘’down on their luck’’ to prove something that was already should have been known prior to them.
Poor picker, being used again,taken for granted, can’t cook, etc ? Or something else I left out here ?

Or they will also say & picked those that are over their level, very well educated, financially secure,no bad habits, but will still will find reason in their other faults too.
Imo, maybe those with this requirement,etc they would be good friend zone relationships if possible, & to get along with in short visits. As the other thing for those ‘’long in the tooth,’’ it seems they are trying to prove a point why, but have a very hard time proving it to others but themselves...

Anyway, water still seeks its own level......as long as both are hydrated lol
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 69
What do 50+ men want?
Posted: 3/25/2015 7:48:20 AM
I don't know what 50+ men want, I'm just speaking from my
observations and personal experiences.

I know if I let myself, I would retreat into my own place, doing
my own things, hoping to meet someone, but not be willing to
actually compromise.

It's impossible to meet someone that will fit all your criteria.
Wanting someone to keep up with your hobbies, able to
be available according to your schedule, disappearing when you
need your "me" time, having all the skills you deem necessary for
compatibility, etc.

It's easy to make excuses why someone isn't right for you, harder
to accept the inadequacies of others and harder still to figure out
how you can work them into your lifestyle, all the while not
taking into consideration their needs and wants.

So yeah, I'm a lot more flexible than I used to be. It's different when
you're younger and sort of grow into each other. Now that you're older
you are what you are...and change is more difficult, but something that
has to be considered.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 70
What do 50+ men want?
Posted: 3/25/2015 8:13:49 AM

And for those here who are, ‘’ AKA the serial daters’’ I’m not sure whats that all about either.
It like they already have either have ‘’pigeoned hole’’ him or her before the dance as ever started... and in the same breath they continually pick those who are ‘’down on their luck’’ to prove something that was already should have been known prior to them.
Poor picker, being used again,taken for granted, can’t cook, etc ? Or something else I left out here ?


Everyone knows about the "honeymoon" period of relationship. It lasts from 3-36 months.

Some people move on after the honeymoon, either consciously or unconsciously. They get addicted to the high of a new relationship, move on after it fades.
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 71
What do 50+ men want?
Posted: 3/25/2015 8:31:50 AM

They get addicted to the high of a new relationship, move on after it fades.


That's what I refer to as the "butterfly" effect.....I know one woman so addicted that she firmly believes that if it fades it isn't true love. She's been married 5 times and I can't tell you how many guys she's lived with...usually ninety to a hundred twenty days a pop, then he does'nt love her anymore.
 DeepakTolle
Joined: 3/18/2015
Msg: 72
What do 50+ men want?
Posted: 3/25/2015 9:03:45 AM

.....I know one woman so addicted that she firmly believes that if it fades it isn't true love.


If after the honeymoon phase you still have a mutual desire to stay together because your feelings have matured to a meaningful bond of truly caring for one another , then THAT is ideal.

On the other hand, if the honeymoon phase ends and you are only staying together out of obligation, not wanting to be alone, basically the wrong reasons.... well, that's just sad.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 73
What do 50+ men want?
Posted: 3/25/2015 9:15:50 AM
Guys want women who are not constantly comparing him to an ex, and viewing any similarities as a red flag-e.g. "He likes the color blue, and so does my ex, so we're not a match." There are women who would flat out refuse to date any guy who happens to have the same first name as an ex. It doesn't matter if they have a lot in common and could be a good match otherwise. The name is a deal breaker.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 74
What do 50+ men want?
Posted: 3/25/2015 9:36:02 AM

If after the honeymoon phase you still have a mutual desire to stay together because your feelings have matured to a meaningful bond of truly caring for one another , then THAT is ideal.


Can you explain why that is ideal?

It seems having a continuous honeymoon with one partner after another is pretty good. Why not?
 DeepakTolle
Joined: 3/18/2015
Msg: 75
What do 50+ men want?
Posted: 3/25/2015 9:50:05 AM

Can you explain why that is ideal?

It seems having a continuous honeymoon with one partner after another is pretty good. Why not?


Sorry, I should've said ideal FOR ME.

At this point in my life , I would prefer to find ONE special lady to grow old with.

The downside of one after another honeymoon stages FOR ME, aside from never finding someone " worthy " of growing old with is the transition stage ( the pain of the relationship ending followed by being alone until the next one comes along ).
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