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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Men need to learn courting skills for their own benefit      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 26
Men need to learn courting skills for their own benefitPage 2 of 37    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37)

That's an unnecessary low blow. I don't recall the poster being anything remotely like you described. Now there are a lot of princesses on here that seem to believe they are of high caliber or high maintenance and maybe this poster is just looking for someone a little more believable, a little less self absorbed and who appears a little less selfish.


You must be new here....welcome to the forums. Check out the posting history of the person this was directed to,
to see where this post came from.

OT. I think courting is a natural sort of thing. People who like others and are interested in knowing them are just
naturally nice to them if they are naturally nice people. If they suck, well there's just no help for them.

If you treat others like you would like to be treated, you don't really have need of plans and self help books in
order to pick up someone you're interested in.

at least IMO.
 dpwesu
Joined: 3/25/2013
Msg: 27
Men need to learn courting skills for their own benefit
Posted: 3/24/2015 10:30:53 AM
Men need to learn how to court???

No....more like they need to learn HOW TO COMMUNICATE!!!!

I can do a LOT of things.....but mind reading and playing games aren't 2 of them!
 BLonde^j^AngeL
Joined: 1/2/2015
Msg: 28
Men need to learn courting skills for their own benefit
Posted: 3/24/2015 10:36:22 AM

of strategies that will help a man improve his chances in creating attraction on a woman and be able to become intimate with her. By all means yes.

Caveat, and this one the ladies are not going to like. If you want to learn how to bed a woman, do not listen to women. Listen to men that know how to bed women. Most advice that women give men about picking up women do not work.


Mario knows how to put his best foot forward, is not a player doesn't put up w/ petty BS.

He also realizes he is 58 & is choosing from who is available rather than a fantasy in his head.

He is currently dating a 60 yr. old woman.
 BillyBuckshot14
Joined: 10/30/2014
Msg: 29
Men need to learn courting skills for their own benefit
Posted: 3/24/2015 10:38:22 AM

Men need to learn courting skills for their own benefit

What you actually mean is “men need to learn courting skills for women’s benefit”.

Most men I've met are gentleman on a date regardless if they are that interested or not, it's how they were raised to behave towards women.

These are also the men who will find themselves in divorce court down the road since they are the ones most likely to marry. These are the men conditioned by their mother to believe in chivalry and hence most likely to navigate the new relationship paradigm with their blinders on.

The players, the angry guys and the rest will never get it.

Quite the contrary, these are the men who do get it. Players are the ones who have figured it out and play the hand they are dealt while the Angry Men are the ones who have been clued in to the content of the new deck (paradigm) but refuse to play their hand.
 antirepublican
Joined: 12/31/2014
Msg: 30
Men need to learn courting skills for their own benefit
Posted: 3/24/2015 10:41:41 AM

Most men I've met are gentleman on a date regardless if they are that interested or not, it's how they were raised to behave towards women. The players, the angry guys and the rest will never get it.
And the gals who expect to always be treated like a princess, are going to find themselves sitting home on their throne waiting for the phone to ring.


About 3/4 of the posts in these forums refutes every part of this statement. With women it's some variation of "He squirted into my slot and disappeared. He musta been a playa." From men it's "I am a real gentleman but why did she open her thighs for a thug when I am so nice." Men and women both agree that the poon goes to thugs and playas.

Gentlemen never stop complaining about being fleeced by princesses. The players never stop mocking gentlemen for catering to princesses and having nothing to show for it but ridicule. I haven't seen any threads where a princess bemoans men turning their backs on them because they are asking too much. Princesses gripe about too many penises being thrown at them not too few.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 31
Men need to learn courting skills for their own benefit
Posted: 3/24/2015 10:46:05 AM
The next time I want a post of mine to go to 44 pages, I'll first whisper it in BA's ear. She's got a proven track record for her posts from friends sticking around this site :)

as for courting, it comes from the days of King Arthur's court. It was knights 18 yrs old or younger, chasing after girls when they weren't busy jousting, questing or killing in battle. It really was a game (He likes me,he likes me not) for game players. BUT, it wasn't totally worthless. Honestly, a lot of men and women could help their human contact by putting away the #$%ing cell phone.

Asking out a woman pointblank works if you're her type of hottie. Otherwise, a little bit of mystery is a primary ingredient to a little bit of seduction. We all want to feel we're worth pursuing. To that level, courting skills are good to learn. create a little bit of sexual tension, create a bit of mystery, create a bit of evolution of seduction--it beats the simple approach of, "hey babe, want to see my dikpik?"

who gets the most fleeced by women? the men hoping to buy something. If "where she's going" is more interesting than "who she's going with", guys, that's your literal sign that she isn't that interested in who she's going with. Anything you decide to do, after getting hit over the head with that warning sign, is up to you.
 BillyBuckshot14
Joined: 10/30/2014
Msg: 32
Men need to learn courting skills for their own benefit
Posted: 3/24/2015 10:46:49 AM

He also realizes he is 58 & is choosing from who is available rather than a fantasy in his head

What he does not realize is that he is 58 and the dating market value (DMV) has shifted to him. There is no longer a need for him to court available women as he is now in a position to do the choosing if his house is in order.
 Eternityboreme
Joined: 3/18/2015
Msg: 33
Men need to learn courting skills for their own benefit
Posted: 3/24/2015 10:53:25 AM

That's an unnecessary low blow. I don't recall the poster being anything remotely like you described. Now there are a lot of princesses on here that seem to believe they are of high caliber or high maintenance and maybe this poster is just looking for someone a little more believable, a little less self absorbed and who appears a little less selfish.


Yes, I'm high-maintenence. I'm also a high-calibre nurturer, too. And I'm a real, believable, trustworthy introvert whose style isn't to waste anybody's time nor engage in frivolity. Princess? No. Human being? Yes, I am. What's wrong with wanting a relationship with a high calibre man? Why should I settle?

The described poster is a bigot, homophobic, ableist who's expressed that people with autism are burden on the state and refers to them as "autards," he believes women should have very limited rights -- if any at all -- oover what happens to their own bodies. He goes on and on extensively how women are this and that and that he prefers somebody who is marginally educated and keeps her mouth shut.

Unnecessary? I was ****ing charitable in my response.
 SamSeeker
Joined: 2/14/2015
Msg: 34
Men need to learn courting skills for their own benefit
Posted: 3/24/2015 11:07:38 AM

Men need to learn courting skills for their own benefit.

Being confident, being decisive, coming up with a plan, following through- these improve a man’s odds of success. They certainly make him stand out.

You only need to succeed once. Even when you do everything right, you will still rarely succeed. You’re improving your odds, but it may take a while before you see the results, just because the odds are still so low.

Therefore, you have to be able to recognize the good advice and follow it, even when you’re not getting immediate feedback that it’s working.


the assumption that men are ill mannered, indecisive, spineless Neanderthals ... is probably not correct.

sure, some guys shoot themselves in the foot that way ... but it's for sure a small percentage.

"courting" is a quite natural behavior ... not necessary to learn .... but of course necessary to take the risk.

But it takes two ... you can't "court" someone whose not interested ... there are even laws for that :-) ... different type of court

Maybe "your friends" advice should start a little early earlier ... "how to create and maintain interest"


Being confident, being decisive, coming up with a plan

-- often that's simply more of an expression of clear interest than anything else

Maybe "your friends" advice should also include how to "appropriately" express interest ... ... often that's little more than overcoming a fear of rejection, but yet still caring.
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 35
Men need to learn courting skills for their own benefit
Posted: 3/24/2015 11:17:18 AM

The players, the angry guys and the rest will never get it.



Quite the contrary, these are the men who do get it.


Who would have ever thought that out of all the male posters on here that Demidar would be the poster child for this concept.

Makes me wonder what some are on here for.....sure as h e l l isn't dating or relationships.
 rwable032
Joined: 1/23/2015
Msg: 36
Men need to learn courting skills for their own benefit
Posted: 3/24/2015 11:20:40 AM
If you go for the courting stage scenario, it comes after meeting in person. One thing I'll never do is heed advice about the real world from any source that claims good success with online dating. To me, success at online dating means you're still stuck online or serial dating. To me success is POF never hears from me again because I'm into a very long term (maybe for the rest of my life, which isn't asking a lot at this point LOL) relationship.

Now I do know some couples that met from online, lived hundreds of miles apart and BAM - never left each other's side for going on 8 years now. They've had struggles from the get go with finances and jobs and distant families. Those are the people I might ask "how the heck did you two make it work?"
 ThatGirlNamedAlli
Joined: 12/28/2013
Msg: 37
Men need to learn courting skills for their own benefit
Posted: 3/24/2015 11:25:20 AM

Most men I've met are gentleman on a date regardless if they are that interested or not, it's how they were raised to behave towards women


yep. I haven't met dozens of people or anything, but some, and I've never met anyone who wasn't a gentleman...interested or not.
Trusting one's instincts is key.
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 38
Men need to learn courting skills for their own benefit
Posted: 3/24/2015 11:29:54 AM
As a guy who is clueless most of the time. Can a woman please explain how courting should be done??
You see If I walk up to someone one who never drove a car before. Hand them the keys and tell them to drive it a few miles to a different location the chance it they wont make it. Some one needs to teach them how to drive.

See telling me I need to court a woman gives me no idea on how to proceed with it. So when someone give such an advice I do feel they need to fill the gaps on how to do it as well.
Can someone give me the basics of how to properly court a woman????
 kj521
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 39
Men need to learn courting skills for their own benefit
Posted: 3/24/2015 12:00:34 PM
Lagoodguy....

Can't be done. Each individual woman will have her own concept of "courting" as will each man.

My advice? Be and express the characteristics you desire in others...
 rennips1949
Joined: 3/6/2015
Msg: 40
Men need to learn courting skills for their own benefit
Posted: 3/24/2015 12:10:05 PM

that to is a scam designed to remove a man's wealth at the end of the marriage .

No, marriage was and is intended to last til one of the parties passes away.
However, in all fairness, the social climate and conditions have changed,as has human longevity.
When what we know as marriage first became the social norm, "til death do us part" was usually not 25-30 years. And often 2 people's actual survival depended on their teamwork.
These conditions have changed, but I do think that people get married these days with the idea that divorce provides an easy escape route, rather than asking themselves whether they can make it work as a lifetime committment.

And no, marriage is not some big conspiracy for women to "remove a mans' wealth". And the women I know would fall down laughing at the idea of the government as husband.
 antirepublican
Joined: 12/31/2014
Msg: 41
Men need to learn courting skills for their own benefit
Posted: 3/24/2015 12:21:55 PM

And no, marriage is not some big conspiracy for women to "remove a mans' wealth". And the women I know would fall down laughing at the idea of the government as husband.


When a man sees the results of marriage and how much and how often wealth is removed from men, how is women laughing at the idea supposed to prove anything to him?
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 42
view profile
History
Men need to learn courting skills for their own benefit
Posted: 3/24/2015 12:33:25 PM
Thought I woke up in Arthur's Court there.....LOL

I think the concept of courting is pretty old-fashioned...and really, not for me at this particular age and stage of my Life....

I mean, don't get me wrong, if he wants to send me flowers, that's all good...but beyond that, I think , for me, it's more important to find a man who is just a decent human being, more than one who "has all the right moves"....

From my experience, dating allows you to get to know someone in a variety of situations and that's really what's important to me...I want to observe how he treats other people, and reacts in different circumstances, that's how I get to know the type of person that I'm with....

Everyone wants to be treated as though they are special, I'm assuming that men appreciate that as well....so for me, being nice and considerate of my partner is par for the course, whether that is taking him out to dinner, or buying him something that I know that he'd enjoy, it's definitely a two-way street for me....
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 43
view profile
History
Men need to learn courting skills for their own benefit
Posted: 3/24/2015 12:41:51 PM
Don't y'all just wonder sometimes, how much wealth was removed from these poor guys? Are there some exes out there just rolling in money stolen from these poor guys? Did any of you get to rip off your ex to the point of him being rendered unable to ever function again? Who are these women, I really want to know, and how much did they get???

As for courting, you should only court the way you want to treat others, and never go beyond your resources or else you shall live forever in the sorrow of resentment and boiling anger of hating the person you were so attracted to. If someone doesn't like your courting style, they are not a match for you, do not waste your time and energy to build up such hate & resentment for someone you worked so hard to get. That would a horrible waste of your time and their time. If you hate the opposite gender, please do not try to date them, you will only be wasting your time. If you do not want to date your own gender, please don't, you will be wasting their time. Sometimes you just have to face that you are too angry and full of spewing hate to be dating anyone of any gender. It is best in the long run if we look at ourselves honestly and know our own limitations. I am well aware of mine and know that it's not them, it's me.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 44
view profile
History
Men need to learn courting skills for their own benefit
Posted: 3/24/2015 1:14:19 PM
I think it's more effective to learn how to make people feel attraction than to impress them.
Maybe it's the city I live in, but most people are usually more comfortable going dutch and driving themselves there, etc.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 45
Men need to learn courting skills for their own benefit
Posted: 3/24/2015 1:16:05 PM

I think it's more effective to learn how to make people feel attraction than to impress them.
Maybe it's the city I live in, but most people are usually more comfortable going dutch and driving themselves there, etc.


I dunno...could be where I live as well. I just don't see 99% of the problems people have in fishes IRL.
I don't know if that says more about me or about the fishes.

*shrug*
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 46
Men need to learn courting skills for their own benefit
Posted: 3/24/2015 1:34:40 PM
I'd also like to know what is being referenced here as "courting". I see no reason why men need to learn how to do anything as you reap what you sow, so they'll get whatever they deserve for their efforts.

I just looked it up and it basically says that it is the period in which two people are getting to know each other, before engagement or marriage. So basically courting=dating. So men need to learn how to date? Ultimately, a man is capable of changing his approach if he sees it is not getting desired results.

I don't support being deceitful. If the post is to suggest that men are to pretend to be someone who they are not, in order to gain the interest of a woman, and then once that period ends, he becomes himself, that's just deceit. We all naturally want our love interest to just organically be all we hoped for, but sometimes communication is necessary to express that which we would like the other to do.

I think Steve Harvey said something to the effect that women fall for what men present themselves as (their potential), and when such changes, so do her feelings. I think that says a lot and it's probably not gender specific.
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 47
Men need to learn courting skills for their own benefit
Posted: 3/24/2015 1:48:07 PM
On dating

Confidence - get some.

Playing cautious can be dangerous, especially if initiative isn't achieved - say through excitement or intrigue - leading to unimpressed women. So the idea is to steadily make it more entertaining, humorous, intellectually engaging. Doing that requires understanding personality, so I typically adjust humor to type of humor as I learn it. That is my mode of operation if I am capable.

My prerogative - is when I am on a date I pay attention to smiles and positive reactions. Especially if those reactions invoke a sense of enchantment/excitement - because that is where women love to be - where they are enchanted. Then I steer the conversation toward the general spectrum of that which enthralls her.

It may take a few dates to establish connection, but it is imperative to avoid showing any sign of idiocy or awkward anxiety. Also - operate with a sense of purpose, but don't get too crazy with it. i.e. don't make it fake or trivial, if you can't operate genuinely with respect to interest.... FRAGO - you've got confidence to earn.

Making the effort to aid in this initial foundation has always paid off for me. The next step is to find ways to communicate and create a bond developed by listening, caring, and demonstrating sincerity. It’s a way to create a connection, and if you’ve done it right, it will incorporate the dynamics involved in making her smile, laugh, and feel cared for.

Failure/success in dating or courting, almost always hinges on:

Physical attraction (or lack thereof)
Intellectual/personality/demeanor
Humor/intrigue/charm/interest

And to a lesser extent:

Cultural
lifestyle
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 48
Men need to learn courting skills for their own benefit
Posted: 3/24/2015 2:56:19 PM

Mario knows how to put his best foot forward, is not a player doesn't put up w/ petty BS.

He also realizes he is 58 & is choosing from who is available rather than a fantasy in his head.

He is currently dating a 60 yr. old woman.


But that comes from the assumption that everyone else is chasing a fantasy. The reality is that a lot of women just aren't willing to give that chance to whatever random guy... That's a reality that we face in dating that people in relationships on these sites tend to not grasp. Are there girls willing to talk to me and give me the chance to lead it up to the point of dating? Of course. Nobody is undateable. Even Hitler met someone. Will the next one I'm interested be willing? Who knows? The guy in his 40s that parties every day might actually have a better chance with the 21 year old that parties all the time than the 40 year old woman with a stable career. And at the same time, he might have a better shot with that 21 year old than a 21 year old gamer would. You don't know until you talk to them.

Both men and women need to approach this with the reality that not everyone is willing. Even Mario deals with rejection. Men don't need to learn courting skills, both men and women need to learn communication skills. I think the big problem has nothing to do with courting, but the fact that intentions aren't being made clear enough, or chances are being missed because of hinting rather than being a grown up and just speaking up, or fear. A lot of people become jaded after too much rejection (it has an effect on you, and when it's too excessive, it's not surprising that it causes some people to become depressed. If you can be rejected 1,000 times with no self esteem issues, congratulations, but not everybody is you), or annoyance from the disappear and hide strategy that everyone seems to be attracted to, or the constant lies... Sorry, you're not busy 24/7 for the next 5 weeks, you had the time to answer a text, you just chose not to. You're not fooling anyone. Or how many times can you not be one of the 4 people the other person was dating at the same time without deciding you're not meeting anyone worth your time?

But maybe women's standards are part of the problem? We always talk about the guys not chasing fantasies in their heads, but what about the women? How many 60 year olds did Mario try to talk to who were convinced they're getting a 40 year old guy?

Is dating today a mess, yeah. But the fix is easy. And the blame isn't all on men. It's 50/50 between men and women. People just need to start dating and focusing on each other again. We don't need to learn courting skills, we just need people to learn how to communicate with an actual human again.
 BLonde^j^AngeL
Joined: 1/2/2015
Msg: 49
Men need to learn courting skills for their own benefit
Posted: 3/24/2015 3:06:28 PM

The next time I want a post of mine to go to 44 pages, I'll first whisper it in BA's ear. She's got a proven track record for her posts from friends sticking around this site :)


bwa ha ha you shoulda been here for middle aged cheapskates I would pay Markus to post it someplace, that one went on to way more than 44 pages before getting nuked.


as for courting, it comes from the days of King Arthur's court. It was knights 18 yrs old or younger, chasing after girls when they weren't busy jousting, questing or killing in battle. It really was a game (He likes me,he likes me not) for game players. BUT, it wasn't totally worthless. Honestly, a lot of men and women could help their human contact by putting away the #$%ing cell phone.



TY for the etiology of the word "courtship". Today, it is not a game & even back in the day, there was "L"Amour Courtois" or "Courtly Love" which wasn't a game either.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Courtly_love
 Strings6
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 50
view profile
History
Men need to learn courting skills for their own benefit
Posted: 3/24/2015 3:11:42 PM
Lets turn it around and imagine for a second that a Man made such a suggestion.....that Women improve themselves and their skills to increase their chances of attracting Men.....what would the responses be ?

One of the foundations of a good relationship is friendship,how can one have a friendship/relationship with someone they obviously feel completely superior to
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