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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Men need to learn courting skills for their own benefit      Home login  
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 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 101
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Men need to learn courting skills for their own benefitPage 5 of 37    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37)
I like a man who is the natural gentleman, who has manners and courtesy because that is who he is. A man who makes romantic gestures because he wants to and not to gain favour necessarily or some other agenda.

However some men feel they have to do and say certain things to get their way. The tactics of the player must work with some women and as humans we see and hear what we want to perceive.
 LadyEssKay
Joined: 2/13/2015
Msg: 102
Men need to learn courting skills for their own benefit
Posted: 3/27/2015 5:32:36 PM

Dam, and all this time I thought when I bought flowers for a woman it was just because I wanted to . Had not realized that things I used to do just to make some one smile have become things full of ulterior motives Starting to think I am very well off alone .


Yes, because if one person mentions it as a possibility for some, you have auto converted that little nugget of information to mean that EVERY SINGLE WOMAN IN THE HISTORY OF HUMANITY, saw your buying flowers as an ulterior motive, so therefore even more confirmation that we are just trying to get our clutches into your money.

I can't imagine being so paranoid about an entire gender. It would probably do my head in. I would imagine it would to anyone.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 103
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Men need to learn courting skills for their own benefit
Posted: 3/27/2015 5:35:41 PM
BelleAtlantic...
If when you met her, she used to do her hair every week, keep her legs shaved, dress somewhat fashionable, is relatively fit, always had fresh breath, and was conversational.........................wouldn't you feel deceived if later on she settles into someone who rarely does her hair or sticks to a single hairstyle, seldom shaves, her clothes are more frumpy than fitted, she gains or looses significant weight, she wants to kiss you after eating tuna fish, and now has nothing to say?


Ahhh...the classic bait and switch!

All kidding aside, most of us have done the hard work to get there and relax once we get there. I put on 50 lbs when I was married for 5 1/2 years and lost 60 lbs in a year after my divorce. I learned not to coast.

I didn't coast on anything else. I just couldn't put the fork down.
 Demidar
Joined: 10/22/2014
Msg: 104
Men need to learn courting skills for their own benefit
Posted: 3/27/2015 5:39:50 PM
msg 107: I can't imagine being so paranoid about an entire gender. It would probably do my head in. I would imagine it would to anyone. : Paranoia has nothing to do with it . When you understand the nature of a thing , you become aware of what that thing is capable of . I now understand exactly what women are capable of , so play your little "I am innocent game " else where .
Since marriage is fast becoming a thing of the past so are the courting skills that were needed for it .
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 105
Men need to learn courting skills for their own benefit
Posted: 3/27/2015 5:43:51 PM
Were you married to a chef? lol


No. Her cooking skills were marginal, but I was getting home cooking. Too much starches.


Yeah, that'll do it, lol.
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 106
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Men need to learn courting skills for their own benefit
Posted: 3/27/2015 5:53:42 PM
If men intend to tie the knot with women (or other men), then, yes, they certainly need courting skills. As in, knowledge of where court is so they can file divorce petition, and how to prepare for the subsequent court trial.

Also, msg #2 is awesome.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 107
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Men need to learn courting skills for their own benefit
Posted: 3/27/2015 6:02:17 PM
BelleAtlantic...
Were you married to a chef? lol


No. Her cooking skills were marginal, but I was getting home cooking. Too much starches.
 LadyEssKay
Joined: 2/13/2015
Msg: 108
Men need to learn courting skills for their own benefit
Posted: 3/27/2015 6:08:31 PM

I can't imagine being so paranoid about an entire gender. It would probably do my head in. I would imagine it would to anyone. : Paranoia has nothing to do with it . When you understand the nature of a thing , you become aware of what that thing is capable of . I now understand exactly what women are capable of , so play your little "I am innocent game " else where .
Since marriage is fast becoming a thing of the past so are the courting skills that were needed for it .{/quote]

Paranoia has everything to do with it. You have this assumption that every woman is after every man's money. I'm not after anyone's money, so, I am, in fact innocent. I make my own, and I do well at it. In fact, I had a man, yes a man, take me for everything I had when I booted him out. He drained my credit cards, my bank account, my line of credit. Did I let it consume me? No. Because I don't need to play victim. I sorted it out, and put it behind me.

Now women are not even people. You refer to them as things. You're a colossal hypocrite for being on a dating website looking for someone that you despise, simply based on their gender. What are you wanting them for, other than to use them for something that you are incapable of providing yourself? You're just as guilty of being a user as the users that you pontificate against.

Seriously. Get yourself some help. You really need it.
 Demidar
Joined: 10/22/2014
Msg: 109
Men need to learn courting skills for their own benefit
Posted: 3/27/2015 6:21:53 PM
As I have stated before I do not dislike women , just the toxic ones such as yourself . I realize these toxic women on the forum are but the smallest % of the population of women . Otherwise I wouldn't be looking at all , Unlike yourself I have never manipulated others to my advantage , that is beneath me . I am looking for something as rare as the rarest jewel , a real woman . A good number of women on these forums display a level of egotistical narcissism that I had not realized existed .
msg 115 : Sorry finding a jewel is like being in a weed filled garden , takes a lot of weeding to find the flower you know is in there some where .
 LadyEssKay
Joined: 2/13/2015
Msg: 110
Men need to learn courting skills for their own benefit
Posted: 3/27/2015 6:27:09 PM

Unlike yourself I have never manipulated others to my advantage


I have never manipulated anyone for anything. I make my salary happily, and pay my way. Not to be said for some of the creeps I've met. Again, I don't hold it against all the other lovely men in this world, which I'm sure are much more plentiful than the creeps, and lunatics looking for jewels.

And to find a "jewel" you need to be one. Hypocrite.

You are a sick person. Again, seek help. You don't have to live with a poisoned mind.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 111
Men need to learn courting skills for their own benefit
Posted: 3/27/2015 7:36:17 PM

Do I assume you believe that pulling chairs, opening doors, buying flowers, etc are the examples of the type of phoney things that are done to "attract". Or would you define them "phoney" because of the reason "why" they are done? As in, to attract a woman? And what would you define the people that "think" that because a person does these things, for the "right" reasons, or not is surely a "good catch"????

Walts: I assume that the above examples "can" be phoney things that are done to attract and therefore "can" be the reason "why" they are done by some men who believe that's what's needed to attract those women who believe it's the sign of a gentleman. It's not the men who do them as a natural course without thinking about them who are the problem, it's those who do them who think it's expected, attract those women who like it, and then change that phoney aspect of themselves who are the problem. Maybe it's just me. I'm not into guys who figure they are "obligated" to pay for dinners while dating (I like to share that nicety), would sooner comfortably sit myself down (I don't wear petticoats and crinolines that I need to hold out of the way while having someone pull my chair in and out for me), etc., so it's not something that I, personally, look for as the sign of a gentleman. I read men in a different manner.


Again, more women fall for this "stuff" than you would believe. Why do you think the "player" plays? Why would he stop? He would stop if it didn't work, correct? And then, we should question, how do we make sure the "player" and his "tactics" don't work? May I suggest, and it is only a suggestion, that the people that seem to be the "targets" of these "tactics" wake up and try to figure out what IS really important in another person, instead of these "courting skills".

That's my point. A huge number of women do fall for this stuff because, to them, those are some kind of signs in the beginning that the guy is a gentleman. If that's what they like and there are men who genuinely like to do those things, great. I'm sorry...I don't mean to offend those men and women who like it or believe it's a sign of a "true" gentleman but I find those things just as archaic as the word "courting" - again, that's just my own personality and I don't intend to offend anyone.

Yes, I would agree with you wholeheartedly that those people who seem to be the targets of these tactics wake up and try to figure out what IS really important in another person. I was, however, going on the thread topic which was geared towards men and courting skills. To take it a bit beyond the thread topic, yes, both men and women should stop with all the affectations. As someone else said, it reminds me of a bunch of peacocks by both genders. Then again, I suppose that may be a lingering animal part of us humans that primp and fluff in order to attract - or perhaps it's just old school etiquette that's lingering and doing more harm than good. There's plenty of bait and switch tactics that go on by both genders and then they all wonder where and how it all fell apart. Hence, my original comment that I wish people would just be themselves from the outset.
 LinuxD
Joined: 12/6/2008
Msg: 112
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Men need to learn courting skills for their own benefit
Posted: 3/27/2015 8:45:00 PM
Courting skills, either gender = smoke and mirrors
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 113
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Men need to learn courting skills for their own benefit
Posted: 3/27/2015 9:48:09 PM
I just discovered the thread about the wigs stuff on youtube in "ask a guy".

Ok. This is weird. Or something. Somehow scary...am I really looking at so much critical analysis on wigs? Is this real? I never knew that so much could be said about wigs...that a person could ramble on and on for so long, vid after vid after vid, talking about wigs.

And is a person really talking this much about theirself and their surgery?

And what's this about tracing IP addresses? And the person saying something about that not being the OP yet is called "blondeangel"? Is she getting paid for those vids and really using the forums to advertise? Why are we even posting this? Why is this thread even here?

I have yet to hear anything about POF in these vids. But I haven't watched all the vids. If I did, I think that some part of my body would try to beat me to death and kill me without me having any control over that part of my body.

And...after being able to see this person in action and hearing them to this extent, and bearing in mind the personality that I've seen revealed in the forums, I'm suddenly trying to imagine this person having the kind of success and attention from men that is claimed. I suddenly have a much better context into which to place the opinions expressed by this person. I think that if I went on a date with this...some part of my body would try to beat me to death and kill me without me having any control over that part of my body.

This is just somehow really surreal. I don't know how, but f-cked up. F-cked up in some kind of way that is so f-cked up that the nature of it's f-cked-up-ness is a mystery. Something new. Some new kind of f-cked-up-ness.

P.S. edit to add: Um, wait. These vids are mesmerizing. I can't stop watching. I need an intervention.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 114
Men need to learn courting skills for their own benefit
Posted: 3/28/2015 5:46:50 AM

A huge number of women do fall for this stuff because, to them, those are some kind of signs in the beginning that the guy is a gentleman.



Thank you chameleonf. I "knew" where you were going with your initial post, and I also "knew" that you would probably come back with a line or two that a lot of people should be able to read and at the very least, think about. Better from a woman than a grumpy old fart.

I believe people, women and men, are so caught up in trying to reach a "goal" that they are looking towards all kinds of places for "worldly advice" that they forget to use a couple things that should be a given. Common sense and actually using your brain to think. Certain "types" of people will "use" tactics and practises that they know will expose weakness' in another to get what they want. Many a "player" has figured this out.


Hence, my original comment that I wish people would just be themselves from the outset.


I agree. And with that, I also would suggest people start taking people for what they are, not what they wish for, or how it "use to be". I also wish people quit buying into these books, videos, advice on relationships (how it "should be") money making, life choices, etc. If you haven't gotten it figured out by now, I highly doubt you ever will.
 wooweewoo13
Joined: 7/7/2013
Msg: 115
Men need to learn courting skills for their own benefit
Posted: 3/28/2015 5:54:48 AM
Hmmmm....prob someone who wants to be waited on all the time.....prob coming froma real game player also...lol
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 116
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Men need to learn courting skills for their own benefit
Posted: 3/28/2015 5:57:42 AM

If you haven't gotten it figured out by now, I highly doubt you ever will.


I guess many people haven't been afforded the stunning intellect that allows them to 'figure it all out' from no information but their own personal experience....

Or perhaps they feel that they have more to learn and can benefit from others experience and wisdom?

To have it 'all figured out' is to believe there is nothing left to learn....imo

I'd rather remain teachable myself....
 onethuglife
Joined: 2/18/2015
Msg: 117
Men need to learn courting skills for their own benefit
Posted: 3/28/2015 6:27:27 AM

A broken, broke, selfish man would think this way. he's so self-centered that he thinks he's entitled to women's resources, time, sexuality and then complains when he actually has to participate in the relationship


Do you believe the same for women too ?
 tgif111
Joined: 10/24/2014
Msg: 118
Men need to learn courting skills for their own benefit
Posted: 3/28/2015 6:35:05 AM
the last girl I took out said she wasn't used to being treated courteously.

I helped her off with her coat at the restaurant.
as we were led to our dinner table I went to pull her chair out and she scooted to the next one. I said, "I was going to pull your chair out and then tuck you into the table." she said, "none of the guys ever do that."

I said, "when I parked the car, I tried to walk around to get your door and you beat me to it."
she said, "guys don't do that for me but it's very nice that you do. I feel pampered".

this standard procedure for me.
is it no wonder i'm successful at dating and other guys fail?
sometimes it's the little things women appreciate.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 119
Men need to learn courting skills for their own benefit
Posted: 3/28/2015 7:47:00 AM

I guess many people haven't been afforded the stunning intellect that allows them to 'figure it all out' from no information but their own personal experience....

Or perhaps they feel that they have more to learn and can benefit from others experience and wisdom?

To have it 'all figured out' is to believe there is nothing left to learn....imo


"Own personal experience"?????

Is that why we have so many people that "believe" in "traditions"?
Is that why so many people believe in these "courting" skills of the past?
How about the "belief" in marriage?

No. When people assume that because "courting" skills are not present, there is something "wrong". How did that "thought" or "assumption" just magically appear in ones head? I suggest, people have been "told" things, so they believe, even DESPITE their own personal experiences. How many times do I have listen to whines about "players" and their "antics"(tactics/skills)? From what I see, many people still don't learn phuck all, even though they have "experienced" because of something deeply imbedded in the back of their heads.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 120
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Men need to learn courting skills for their own benefit
Posted: 3/28/2015 8:08:07 AM

I also wish people quit buying into these books, videos, advice on relationships (how it "should be") money making, life choices, etc. If you haven't gotten it figured out by now, I highly doubt you ever will.


So if they are NOT to believe in traditions or any other 'beliefs' from their society....and shouldn't be getting information from books or videos or any other form of information, how exactly ARE they to learn...?

Only from personal experience? Simple observation? While those are useful, they are limited.

Unfortunately there are a LOT of people in the world who haven't benefited from a decent upbringing that instilled good values in them or even the necessary info on the basics of living, ie. finances, communication skills, making good life choices, etc.

Those 'skills' are not attained through osmosis, and personal experience can, as in 'learning the hard way' can be life-damaging.

I DON'T disagree with your take on some people not 'learning phuck all' despite their personal experiences....

I'm just saying that there are good sources of info other than personal experience in the world that can help people to develop the necessary skills for having a decent quality of Life.....

I don't personally believe that being open to new info is a is EVER a bad thing.....of course, you have to decide for yourself what applies and what doesn't.

Is some of it utter nonsense? Of COURSE it is.....and some is quite invaluable and can help people not only to be better informed, but to make positive changes in their lives.

As for those who don't 'get it', well I have to assume that what they're doing is somehow working for them, even if by 'working' it means that it's only further cementing some already 'whacked' beliefs, or rather beliefs that APPEAR that way to the rest of us....lol

I can understand your frustration with some of the 'repetitive rants' and 'credos' that we see here every day...I, too, spend a LOT of time just shaking my head in amazement at times, that grown women and men are able to generalize a few bad experiences to colour an entire gender and all future experiences with the same brush.

For me however, that has a LOT more to do with that person in particular than their source of information....which is perhaps what you were trying to say...?

If so, then....nevermind!!! lol
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 121
Men need to learn courting skills for their own benefit
Posted: 3/28/2015 8:33:36 AM

So if they are NOT to believe in traditions or any other 'beliefs' from their society....and shouldn't be getting information from books or videos or any other form of information, how exactly ARE they to learn...?


Some call it thinking. Others call it critical thinking, and awareness. At what time do you question your parents on the reasoning why they are making you go to church is one example? Do you accept the reply just because they are your parents? How many times have we heard parents say, "Because I told you so!!!!" ???????? If you need to read a "self help" book, you probably should read one, one only and then quickly figure out, that in today's world, those books are written for the sake of getting $$$$$ out of your pocket. Do you know that today, there are now people out there that make a living being a "life coach"? In fact, I was told I should take a job as one. Seriously. And me, with a high school "education". I don't know how this person could come up with such a crazy suggestion. My hand would be bruised and sore from smacking people in the back of the head to make sure they are awake.




Unfortunately there are a LOT of people in the world who haven't benefited from a decent upbringing that instilled good values in them or even the necessary info on the basics of living, ie. finances, communication skills, making good life choices, etc.


True. And it seems that the lower you are on the pole the lower you are going to end up. In saying that, I personally know people that use those younger years as an example of what NOT to be as they grow. Somewhere along the line, they were taught to be aware, and to question. To accept what you will, and live with it, or change it. Be it a teacher(which is becoming less and less of a possibility in my opinion), a mentor of some sort, coach, older friend, etc.

My biggest problem is listening to people who are believing they are giving "sound advice" as the OP did in this thread. The advice itself may have good intentions behind it, but, I personally believe it's a bunch of bullshiat. And with that, I have no problem saying so. And of course with that, I will get labelled as something by those unable, or unwilling to think for themselves.
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 122
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Men need to learn courting skills for their own benefit
Posted: 3/28/2015 8:55:06 AM

the last girl I took out said she wasn't used to being treated courteously.

I helped her off with her coat at the restaurant.
as we were led to our dinner table I went to pull her chair out and she scooted to the next one. I said, "I was going to pull your chair out and then tuck you into the table." she said, "none of the guys ever do that."

I said, "when I parked the car, I tried to walk around to get your door and you beat me to it."
she said, "guys don't do that for me but it's very nice that you do. I feel pampered".

this standard procedure for me.
is it no wonder i'm successful at dating and other guys fail?
sometimes it's the little things women appreciate.


President TGIF that is why you are popular with your constituency! Perhaps a law will be written that male dates must carry their female counterparts over big rain puddles? Many like that!
 overunity
Joined: 8/16/2014
Msg: 123
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Men need to learn courting skills for their own benefit
Posted: 3/28/2015 8:57:40 AM
^^^ Obviously it's true that some women do appreciate the little things.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 124
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Men need to learn courting skills for their own benefit
Posted: 3/28/2015 9:16:03 AM

Some call it thinking. Others call it critical thinking, and awareness.


And they give courses in critical thinking in university for the very reason that people in the majority of cases are NOT able to separate out their emotions from the reality...
As for awareness, it's just another word for observational learning....which IS useful for those able to observe and learn. Not everybody has that capacity for myriad reasons, not the least of which is that as children our brains and reasoning functions are not yet fully developed.
Which is why it's the parent's responsibility to teach and guide....

As for the Life coaches, and self-help books, well, for me that's just a matter of personal choice...
Not all self-help books are out there for the money and frankly, if someone thinks that what they know can help others and they can earn a living at it, then what's wrong with that?, There are MANY good ones that are more along the lines of Philosophy than self-help, that I often recommend to people in crisis....
Scott Peck has a few interesting ones...

The litmus test for me is to ask myself if the author is claiming to have THE 'answer' or one of many POSSIBLE answers....

As for the Life coach...well, actually you probably more don't have the patience, you know smacking clients upside the head when they are being particularly dense only works SOMETIMES, lol
As it's not about being 'educated' so much as having the ability to basically help people to clarify their goals, formulate a plan to achieve them and then to do so, with the encouragement of someone who is interested and somewhat invested in your success....
At least that's what I understand from the couple of people that I know who do it for a living, although I could be way off.

Actually you probably WOULD be a good Life coach for some types of people because of the fact that what you DO have can't be taught in school...Life experience and an ability to have the confidence to ask questions and not buy into the 'party line' of thinking...Those are invaluable attributes.

As far as people giving out well-meaning advice, well, yeah, again, sometimes you just have to shake your head at some of the dreck that seems to be lauded by all and sundry...For myself, I, too tend to think for myself, after considering all sources of info , as much as possible, as I AM still human...and, as such am prone to my own bias...lol

As for calling it BS and what people will think of you as a result, I'm thinking that's really NOT that important to you and it's always good to have 'voices of dissension'...they tend to make people THINK, perhaps just a LITTLE more, about the topic at hand....n'est-ce pas?
 KingAlaskanCrabLegs
Joined: 1/12/2015
Msg: 125
Men need to learn courting skills for their own benefit
Posted: 3/28/2015 10:00:50 AM

it's always good to have 'voices of dissension'...they tend to make people THINK, perhaps just a LITTLE more, about the topic at hand....n'est-ce pas?


A very wise statement!
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