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Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 26
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Just beginning to wonderPage 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
You can put on your profile your age and ethnic preferences. I get that you may want a younger lover especially if you are not looking to have more children. As for sex, if there is mutual desire then why not? Using it as an bargaining tool or expecting commitment because you have been intimate in that way, only leads to frustration and men do not like to be manipulated. Men say they want a relationship to get women to turn up but it depends on the connection or chemistry what ensues. The pump and dump syndrome is alive and well on dating sites like these and there are no guarantees about anyone or anything. That is life. So if you are not comfortable being intimate with a guy who may press for it all too soon, then don't do it. If he disappears you know what he wanted and you can move on.
Joined: 7/29/2014
Msg: 27
Just beginning to wonder
Posted: 3/25/2015 5:39:34 PM
Cookies... (with no picture)

Okay, I'm going to be blunt.

Maybe before you are blunt, you should adjust the color on your monitor? I don't see orange.

Maleman... ya we get your point again. Like in 2 X this thread... *rolling eyes* She is on the dole and taking food out of your mouth because the kids dad skipped and she has a debilitating disease. STFU!

*gone to bed because i am tired and a pizzy mood... but really. GET OVER IT! *

*sweetly said*
Good night,
Le Pew
Joined: 12/31/2014
Msg: 28
Just beginning to wonder
Posted: 3/25/2015 5:46:15 PM
All of the harsh judgements aside, your chances are not all that good. The odds are stacked against you in the Greater London area. Just how many Turks are there of any age? How many are young and looking for a married mother with MS? I disagree with the profile review suggestion. There is nothing wrong with wanting what you want. Your parameters are very, very narrow but so be it. Only means that you will need more luck than most.

Seems to me the best way to improve the odds would be to go to Turkey. There are about 70 million of them there. You say that you have already been 5 times. Why not take another long holiday there? You don't have a job so why not? Men do that sort of thing all the time.
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 29
Just beginning to wonder
Posted: 3/25/2015 6:17:59 PM
Your description is vague, in order to meet your "description" (your stipulation) you need to be of specific ethnicity, and age range doesn't matter to you (youth ++), but intent on relationship does. Now you tell me what kind of 43 year old women places stipulation of ethnicity, preference on youth, and contingent on lasting relationship? If you don't have the answer... I do...

Are there decent men from the middle east? Maybe in the more developed regions, but culturally if you want decency in terms of female equality, you're not going to want to limit yourself by any means.

Decency isn't contingent on ethnicity, just because you had a good experience in turkey - doesn't equate to a good experience every time. That is a fundamental error humanity makes, and it vexes me to no end. Why do you place so much emphasis on your own experience? Why do you place so much emphasis on logically invalid associations?

Really the main point I am making is:

When you limit yourself to a certain demographic - you inherit the negative aspect of demographic. Because you are only as limited as you want to be in terms of preference outside of sexual. You create a fools game for yourself, where you are the fool - thinking that history will repeat due as per anecdotal experience.

Everyone should understand that the romance of nostalgia lies to you. Because you romanticize a reality through rose tinted glasses. You forget the negativity of the time, the struggle that was there, that is always present in life.

Oh and by the way,

You appear stupid, for simple fact that you ask a stupid question to unknown people, with regard to the behavior of other unknown people. Do you see how that question, in addition to the fact that you have a high-school education, creates circumstances that begs the answer, under what criteria do you meet the description of intelligent? There isn't a single specter of proof that you've achieved a high state of intellectual cognition. There is however evidence to the contrary...

Your profile states that you're without higher education, and you literally wrote "much more romantic," "sounds much nicer." That is basically sapien-repellent - and it says a lot about character in that delusion is preference to truth. Intelligence is never self evaluated, and it requires more than personal claim. And intelligent people - never avoid the truth. And intelligent people, never claim that they are intelligent as a precursor to social validation. That would be the equivalent of a special forces soldier, telling a non-special forces soldier - "oh by the way, I'm a badass." Because the elite, don't need to self identify - the elite are the last to brag about personal capability.
Joined: 10/22/2014
Msg: 30
Just beginning to wonder
Posted: 3/25/2015 6:24:48 PM
She lives in the UK , didn't they turn that into a no man zone . I was reading there are entire areas in the UK that the men have disappeared , more like they are in hiding . Same thing is happening in the USA .
Joined: 3/18/2015
Msg: 31
Just beginning to wonder
Posted: 3/26/2015 4:01:25 AM

She lives in the UK , didn't they turn that into a no man zone . I was reading there are entire areas in the UK that the men have disappeared , more like they are in hiding . Same thing is happening in the USA .

How is that possible? They're in Congress deciding which child gets to eat and which woman gets to decide what happens to her own reproductive life.
Joined: 3/18/2015
Msg: 32
Just beginning to wonder
Posted: 3/26/2015 4:28:40 AM
I don't see orange, either. It does appear that the OP is donning a 'sandy beige' when she could use a slightly lighter shade, though -- but I understand this choice. Maybe she doesn't want to seek a consultation?

Anyway, OP, I think that some of the men who do approach you that fit your physical description and age set tend to think Western women are whores. They tend to come from socially-sexually-repressed cultures in which premarital sex is forbidden and often they'll try to engage women in "mutah" to legitimatize their ill intent or marry you for permanency in the country without giving you a family or helping you with yours. Some will do it to get sexual experience and marry their village brides on a permanent basis. (This doesn't mean you're undatable or shouldn't find a fulfilling relationship -- sometimes, this is just the way it is.)

I understand your need for companionship and consideration -- and you deserve both -- with reciprocating people. The obstacles are cultural more than your marital status and illness, though these do play in part of your preferred people's "decisions" to take you seriously. You're a lovely woman and you deserve to be considered as a whole human being and not what people expect you to give them.

I'd suggest you change the age filters or dump them completely and self-screen. I liked your other pictures where I could see your face; have a friend or one of your older children to take more photos of you that are flattering. I see that you enjoy fashionable clothes. I also see you like cosmetics and hair, which are a plus for attracting men -- maybe go to YouTube to get some techniques for your skin type?
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 33
Just beginning to wonder
Posted: 3/26/2015 9:37:19 AM

I've been to Turkey 5 times, and I fell in love...the country, the music, the culture, everything

Did you stay just in the tourist areas or did you give off the beaten path as well to see how the local people live in their day-to-day lives? Did you also learn about their culture to see if religion plays a big part in their lives and how that differs from western culture? It might be considered a big no-no in their culture/religion to get involved with a single mother (who is not divorced)-especially from a western culture. Having an incurable disease that will only get worse won't help matters. You should check into that before fantasizing about landing a foreign man from a different cultural background, and how you would adapt to their culture. Also, are you willing to convert to Islam, or whatever their religion is, if it's important to the guy? It might be a necessity in some religions. In either case, are you willing to convert your children as well?

Another thing going against you is your attitude, that you have to look for a foreign man because all men in your own country are perverts just looking for sex, and there isn't one man who is worthy of having a relationship with-but on the same token, you want a much younger (foreign) man, who, in most cases, would have a higher sex drive than an older guy . If you stick with that story of no good men in your own country, you will end up chasing away men from all countries because of your very high expectations of them, and if they don't meet your expectations, you will put them in the same category as all of the bad men in your own country. If you keep doing that, you will eventually have to go to other planets to look for a suitable mate.
Joined: 2/13/2015
Msg: 34
Just beginning to wonder
Posted: 3/26/2015 3:23:30 PM
OP, your entire profile reads like you're a target for men who just want sex.

You say that you have no desire for English men. Typically when someone has obliterated the possibility of a particular group, its because they've had multiple unpleasant experiences with them. Then you say you prefer men from Turkey, India, etc, because they are smooth talkers, although nothing they say can be believed. Both of these tend to lead people to believe that you have already been a target for smooth talkers and men who only want to use you, physically.

The age range that you specify, is the clincher. Often times, women of your age are perceived as "cougars" and don't want someone that young, except know.

Now, I'm not saying that this is actually you, but I'm saying that its a possibility that you will be perceived that way. I agree with the poster that said remove the age range completely and screen for yourself. You don't have to respond to men that are not in the age range you desire, but at least the age range is not a beacon for those that are looking to fulfill their fantasy of "being" with an older woman.
Joined: 3/9/2014
Msg: 35
view profile
Just beginning to wonder
Posted: 3/27/2015 3:00:13 AM
Hi everyone, thank you for all of your replies, good and bad. As there were quite a few replies and questions asked, I will come back later and reply to as many as I can. Thank you once again, Jan.
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 36
Just beginning to wonder
Posted: 3/27/2015 10:40:47 PM
Turkey is a beautiful country---I visited Istanbul last year. I don't think POF is the right venue for you---however, you might have better luck meeting young Turkish men at the Blue Mosque. Be sure to wear a head scarf. ;-)
Joined: 6/28/2014
Msg: 37
Just beginning to wonder
Posted: 3/27/2015 11:57:29 PM
Hi, Jan.
You sound like a nice person but I have to agree with the rest, you are setting yourself up to be used.
Your 'come hither' picture on the bed, with the messy nightstand is not helping.
You have a cute youthful hairstyle but the rest of your look is dated. Try for a fresh, well scrubbed look and more of a natural eye makeup than the smokey eye, it is dating you.
A natural color lipstick, the color of young lips, applied sparingly and then blotted.
Try that, you will look 10 years younger.
Be careful with those Turkish young bucks, I have been there and found them quite aggressive.
Joined: 12/4/2014
Msg: 38
Just beginning to wonder
Posted: 3/28/2015 5:31:05 AM
Sorry OP. People here are rude, particularly the regular GANG. . It is like a sport, unfortunately.
Most men in the over 35 age dislike women and are just in it for sex. Try to join something offline like meetup and get to know someone as a friend first and it may work out better because they won't enter the relationship with hostility.
Joined: 12/4/2014
Msg: 39
Just beginning to wonder
Posted: 3/28/2015 5:44:13 AM

adjective, ruder, rudest.
discourteous or impolite, especially in a deliberate way:
a rude reply.
without culture, learning, or refinement:
rude, illiterate peasants.
rough in manners or behavior; unmannerly; uncouth.
rough, harsh, or ungentle:
rude hands.
roughly wrought, built, or formed; of a crude construction or kind:
a rude cottage.
not properly or fully developed; raw; unevolved:
a rude first stage of development.
harsh to the ear:
rude sounds.

I thought that this was a discussion board?
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 40
Just beginning to wonder
Posted: 3/28/2015 5:56:15 AM

I thought that this was a discussion board?

It is.

So, with that, please do not forget that your opinions/comments about other people's opinions/comments is a reflection on you. Start posting wisely. Constantly whining and biatching about people picking on others, and at the same time, you, are basically doing the same thing.

May I suggest, not very wise on your part?
Joined: 12/4/2014
Msg: 41
Just beginning to wonder
Posted: 3/28/2015 11:00:38 AM
You can't control everything and everyone.
Reality is sometimes not all clean, folded and nice.
If that is how you wish to characterize what I have written, well, that is your choice.
My comment was my comment about the subject of OP's experience with men here. I gave my take and a suggestion.
Your choice of words here sort of prove my initial point, interestingly enough.
By the way, why should anyone care what strangers on the internet think of one?
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 42
view profile
Just beginning to wonder
Posted: 3/28/2015 11:08:28 AM

I never said anybody was scum i was purely asking a question

who do you think you're kidding? your 'question' is purely rhetorical, therefore a statement, and purely hostile to men, all of whom you doubt are 'decent.' trying to wiggle out of responsibility for your hostility is passive aggression, one of the surest strategies for making others want nothing to do with you. like the high-quality men out there whose existence you doubt.

quality men don't have to settle for less than quality women. you simply are not offering what these men want. your best bet is to try to determine that, then determine if you possess those qualities, then find a way to let men know you have them. if you can't manage any of this, you're stuck with what you get, or nothing.
Joined: 4/14/2014
Msg: 43
Just beginning to wonder
Posted: 3/28/2015 4:34:55 PM
She may (or may not) appear stupid but belittling someone because of their education shows some ignorance on the part of the commentator in spite of their education. As my uncle once said to me, A university education only shows a propensity for learning and hopefully we can teach them something useful.
After all, whether or not you agree with me, how have so many highly educated people managed to just about screw everything up from the government to the financial market.
You might note that I have the same education level but that does not mean that I am ignorant nor that I can not hold a good conversation on many topics. I may not be able to discuss particularities of a specific field but I can surely have a well founded opinion on it. You are still young. You may, hopefully, learn that life is a great school. Trust you will give it some attention.
Take care, enjoy life. It has many more facets that any high school or university.
Joined: 3/16/2015
Msg: 44
Just beginning to wonder
Posted: 3/28/2015 5:33:18 PM
What I find hard about dating today is that any of us have become a product of time. Most old school ideals do not mesh with new millennium relationships. My own morality once deteriorated, as I too became a product of this disposable generation (complete with social media). At first I enjoyed near reckless abandon for my own personal reasons, as many of us have. Today however I have rediscovered my morality of youth, the upbringing I choose to adhere to, and the comfort this brings me. To be perfectly content with oneself, engaging in activities alone, and finding pure happiness being single, is a life accomplishment I have certainly earned well.

Being a product of time makes it difficult to date to say the least. Our experiences shape what we will, and will not tolerate. Patience is truly a virtue in this case. Give yourself time to breathe O.P. Nothing in life worth waiting for comes easy.
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 45
Just beginning to wonder
Posted: 3/28/2015 5:49:52 PM
you seem to have a distaste for Men - I sincerely doubt all Men over 35 just want sex. And if no one should care what a stranger thinks on the internet why do you keep saying there is a mean gang of thugs here on the forums?
Jan - the bed picture is a kiss of death, at least change the photo so it doesn't give off that vibe.
I have never been to Turkey.. I like turkey, and turkish delight tho
Of course things come easy - which is why we have banks making fortunes. This anything worthwhile must be mined like a gold - nah
It's hard. Work harder.
BS, work smarter - figure out the rules of engagement and work smarter.
People die from hard work, not so many from Smarts
Joined: 5/24/2010
Msg: 46
view profile
Just beginning to wonder
Posted: 3/28/2015 7:17:35 PM
A few notes and recommendations:

1) You appear to look older than your age...I am willing to bet you are in your 50's.

2) Also, target men closer to your real age...not young men who will just sleep with you for sex.

3) Perhaps get some highlights put in your honey blond to soften the look of your dark hair which looks harsh and aging on you. Don't wear such harsh looking eyeliner and invest in a good concealer to hid the eye circles and a nice quality foundation will make your skin look smoother.

4) I would also change your profile picture...posing on a bed is basically sending the wrong message...and then you question why you attract men who only want to sleep with you.

5) Are you really ready to date if you are separated? Work on yourself first, ie. maybe forget dating for a while, go out with friends, or stay home and do things you enjoy doing...get in a better frame of mind so you attract more positive people into your life including good quality men.

All the best.
Joined: 12/4/2014
Msg: 47
Just beginning to wonder
Posted: 3/28/2015 7:22:37 PM
I have a distaste for SOME men. I have to remind myself that the average person is quite literal.
I just like to point out to others that the attacks that they are getting are not about them but about online groups that sort of feed on themselves and others for sport. All don't belong to that group. They know who they are. There are many very interesting articles about group psychology in online forums and discussion boards. Bullying, chasing, clique organized ignoring, selecting a common villain, etc., etc.
A gang of thugs is different from people ( who may also be in the gang) who tell you how to write and how to think because those people disagree with what you say ( or how you say it) and advise that others "may think ill of you" or "form a negative opinion." or some such. Who cares?
That is what open forums are for. Different viewpoints.
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 48
Just beginning to wonder
Posted: 3/28/2015 8:22:38 PM
I bow to you knowing most men
And not being hmm " average"
Exactly - different viewpoints.
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 49
Just beginning to wonder
Posted: 3/28/2015 8:34:17 PM
Making a man prove he doesn't just want sex from you is a bad approach to dating.
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 50
Just beginning to wonder
Posted: 3/28/2015 8:38:18 PM
Directed at msg 51.

Enough man bashing. Sheesh.
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