Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Can our hobbies, as much as we enjoy them, limit our dating success?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 76
Can our hobbies, as much as we enjoy them, limit our dating success?Page 4 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

think we'd prefer a commitment party at the top of Washington State's tallest mountain. it would be very symbolic because love is emotionally similar to being way up in the clouds high on a mountaintop. like love, a mountain is big, solid and overwhelming in it's beauty.


Not to burst your bubble my friend, but Mount Rainier is a hell of a climb that requires Alpinist type of climbing with crampons. It's so a challenging climb that like K-2 and Everest it has taken it's share of serious mountaineers.
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 77
Can our hobbies, as much as we enjoy them, limit our dating success?
Posted: 3/27/2015 11:16:11 AM
Ya know...

IG's risk assessment has this sounding like one hell of a challenge Tom.

I think I'll meet up with you 2 for the reception at the needle with my bag of Cheetos.

The cold temps, thin air, stress.

I hope you've got some meds and personal protective equipment (PPE)
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 78
Can our hobbies, as much as we enjoy them, limit our dating success?
Posted: 3/27/2015 12:22:09 PM

IG's risk assessment has this sounding like one hell of a challenge Tom.


Don't get me wrong. I am up for most challenges, as long as they don't involve freezing my balls off.
And here's the bad part, most of the accidents happened in the descent. So you guys may have to consummate the relationship on top of the mountain, just in case that one slips and well, becomes mountain splatter. Hehehe.

So Clooney, do you have some extra Cheetos?
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 79
Can our hobbies, as much as we enjoy them, limit our dating success?
Posted: 3/27/2015 12:53:22 PM
*** Learned Rappel vs Climb. Check *** quotes not working <----

Do you know how to tie a Swiss seat? Because if so - all you need is a 9' of rope and an ice pack, which is cheaper than the harness.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 80
Can our hobbies, as much as we enjoy them, limit our dating success?
Posted: 3/27/2015 1:15:55 PM
The hiking smell shouldn't be an issue - isn't Ranier an active volcano? If you're anywhere near a sulfur vent, you can smell like a loaded Diaper Genie and it won't matter.
 waverunningeek
Joined: 3/20/2015
Msg: 81
Can our hobbies, as much as we enjoy them, limit our dating success?
Posted: 3/27/2015 1:32:32 PM
Guess that depends on the hobby. I love waverunning (obviously) and go as much as I can. I try to connect with people that love it too or are at least willing to try. That way I can have my cake and eat it too...


Sometimes I wonder if our passionate hobby limits us in dating?
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 82
view profile
History
Can our hobbies, as much as we enjoy them, limit our dating success?
Posted: 3/27/2015 2:01:12 PM
My "hobby" definitely cost me a few dates. Several years ago I met a very attractive woman at a club, we exchanged numbers and talked a few times about getting together for a date -- then all hell broke loose on the film project I was working on and I had to keep putting her off and putting her off and eventually I just never heard from her again. But I had no choice -- dozens of people were relying on me to get that mess of a project done and in festival shape after the director quit on us. And several times I've had a fish on the hook either here or Match or eH and all hell would break loose with a movie project and I'd stop responding with witty messages and start responding with curt ones due to lack of time or creative exhaustion, and surprisingly, those women just disappeared.

The ironic thing, of course, is I'm primarily into this "hobby" for the women. A hobby that few women besides unattainable actresses are involved with. Smart hobby choice, Hawking. But it's also a business -- even though it's not my primary source of income, I and many others have lot of money invested in these projects, and some people stake real careers on them. I can't let those people down or let other people involved let those people down, no matter how pathetic my dating situation is. Some are my friends and some are just people we want to work with again -- all more important than some woman I barely know or haven't really met yet. Actual girlfriend vs. hobby... that would be an interesting internal debate.

On a related note, I do think it would be very difficult to date someone not somewhat movie-savvy, even though I really wouldn't care. A few weeks ago I was talking to a cute woman who seemed somewhat interested in me, but she wasn't into movies at all and all my references went over her head -- despite being extremely intelligent and knowledgeable about many things (like politics), she seemed intimidated (or perhaps bored) by my movie hobby and after we parted, she never called or responded to my texts. It could be an attraction issue, or maybe she just didn't want to follow me around to a bunch of boring film festivals or movie sets. The scenario with her is pretty rare, though -- I almost never meet somebody that isn't somewhat into movies. Nevertheless, she was my best dating prospect in years so I have to consider the fact that my "hobby" could possibly keep me from being in a relationship with someone who is otherwise attracted to me.
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 83
view profile
History
Can our hobbies, as much as we enjoy them, limit our dating success?
Posted: 3/27/2015 4:03:04 PM

in fact i'm trying to figure out how i'm going to wear any one of my dozen French cuff shirts and blazers in 90 degree Florida heat??


LOL... yeah that was my problem. That kind of made me forget about Florida retirement.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 84
Can our hobbies, as much as we enjoy them, limit our dating success?
Posted: 3/27/2015 4:16:39 PM

why Belle you of all people should know that some of our most memorable times are when we are wet with sweat!


Sweating that doesn't lead to an orgasm.......I'm gonna have to think about that

I'll just meet you guys at the party, lol.
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 85
Can our hobbies, as much as we enjoy them, limit our dating success?
Posted: 3/27/2015 5:14:03 PM

Do you know how to tie a Swiss seat? Because if so - all you need is a 9' of rope and an ice pack, which is cheaper than the harness.


Wow. I just Googled that. I was expecting some kind of pleasurable experience, but I can see why an ice pack would be needed if one of them knots got tied wrong or ended up in the wrong position.

Yanking and pulling shouldn't be associated with Tom and Sally's experience either.

If there's no tram service to the top, I'm gonna wait at the needle with Belle and IG.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 86
Can our hobbies, as much as we enjoy them, limit our dating success?
Posted: 3/28/2015 3:06:22 PM
Hawking...you've posted numerous times that you cannot find dates, no one wants you, you're too short, etc etc all sorts of reasons, excuses, and very very VERY LONG rambling posts about how you don't stand a chance with women, mostly because of your height.

Now you're saying you've blown off prospects because of your job.

NO JOB is that important, if women are such an important issue with you, to place them second. It just seems like you've painted a picture of this dude who gets passed over again and again and again, and now, suddenly, your hobby/job is making you back off, act curt, get distant, and then they vanish because you're essentially blown them off.

You are shooting yourself in the foot.

I actually make a living full time in entertainment. You want to talk TV schedule hours..I work 50-60 hour weeks normally. And I will tell ya one thing..if there was a guy interested in me, and I felt we might be a match, at least to try out for one date, you better believe I would find time for him.
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 87
view profile
History
Can our hobbies, as much as we enjoy them, limit our dating success?
Posted: 3/28/2015 3:35:20 PM

Hawking...you've posted numerous times that you cannot find dates, no one wants you, you're too short, etc etc all sorts of reasons, excuses, and very very VERY LONG rambling posts about how you don't stand a chance with women, mostly because of your height.


Well he has to make sure EVERYONE knows this! You never know some Amish guy in Lancaster, PA may not have heard yet.


If there's no tram service to the top, I'm gonna wait at the needle with Belle and IG.


Wouldn't that be a funicular?
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 88
Can our hobbies, as much as we enjoy them, limit our dating success?
Posted: 3/28/2015 7:35:38 PM
"Well he has to make sure EVERYONE knows this! You never know some Amish guy in Lancaster, PA may not have heard yet."

Heh. Randomly amusing!
 ThePig0fYourDreams
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 89
Can our hobbies, as much as we enjoy them, limit our dating success?
Posted: 3/29/2015 2:57:59 AM
Volkano, you know our boy Hawkings just needs a little push, and I think you're just the one to do it. The tension between the two of you will inevitably lead to some massive fireworks. I can just feel it already.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 90
view profile
History
Can our hobbies, as much as we enjoy them, limit our dating success?
Posted: 3/30/2015 8:32:30 AM
My God... my profile survived the weekend.

VK: This is not merely a “job.” These are my friends we’re talking about I’m in business (or “hobby”) with. Do you go around letting your friends down? Who comes first – someone you haven’t even started dating yet or your close friends? Yes, I am a desperate dater, but I’ve decided to draw the line at losing my friends, as they’re pretty much my family since I don’t have one. In fact, I’ve stated quite a few times in threads in the past that if a woman makes me choose between my female friends and dating her, as desperate as I am, she can go straight to hell.

I will say with that primary example I mentioned... as attractive of a woman as she was, there were dozens of things otherwise wrong with her that strongly suggested a relationship would not work out with her, so honestly I wasn’t going to try that hard. I also think a more exceptional woman would have been more understanding about the situation.

I’ve also mentioned in the past that my “real” job situation has also definitely hindered my dating circumstances. Throughout most of the past 15 years, I have worked 3 jobs at a time and 70-100 hours a week and I usually needed at least 2 weeks advance notice to set a date up unless by pure luck I was free when the woman wanted to hang out (my ex-girlfriend worked with me while we were dating, which was an ideal situation... until we broke up, of course). I’ve very recently gotten down to one job, 50-60 hours a week and unplanned hobby hiatus, so I’m trying to go hardcore on dating websites to get something going in the next week before things explode again -- once she's in love with me, she'll be happy to deal with my lack of availability, right?

So, yeah, my “lifestyle” does get in the way, and it is more absurd than most people’s, but every working adult has similar problems, most (at our age) with kids thrown in there. That doesn’t change the fact that physically, I am considered substantially less desirable than most men and therefore dating opportunities for my job or “hobby” to screw up are pretty rare. EXTREMELY rare these days. That primary example I mentioned was over 5 years ago. Which probably suggests that I should drop everything else to deal with such an opportunity because it could be years before another one comes along, but I just can’t do that to my friends. They go out of their way quite frequently to help me, and they believe in me to accomplish these things, because I almost never let anybody down. Which, I’ve heard, is a very positive characteristic for most women. But not enough to override physical attraction issues.

cherryyblossom: You live in the right place to make things happen -- good luck with the screenwriting.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 91
Can our hobbies, as much as we enjoy them, limit our dating success?
Posted: 3/30/2015 8:43:11 AM
Still doesn't make any sense to me. On one hand, you write epic novels lamenting your terrible luck in life regarding your height and that NO ONE IS INTERESTED AT ALL, then....turns out you blow off potential dates so you "dont let your friends down."

There's something else going on here.

Here's a clue: Friends will occasionally HAVE to take a backseat. This is just how relationships work. Every friend I have who is in a relationship or is developing a relationship moves that person to the center of their lives. Not to the point of ostracizing everyone else, but they move them up a notch.

Again, it is not just your complete lack of opportunities that is keeping you from dating/finding a woman. It sounds like you've had chances, and you made the choice to let them go, because your hobbies and friends are more important.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 92
view profile
History
Can our hobbies, as much as we enjoy them, limit our dating success?
Posted: 3/30/2015 11:36:08 AM
VK: Here's another epic novel -- but posts like that are impossible to respond to without substantial detail rebutting them... especially after I already rebutted it in much shorter format and got ignored.

Currently, and for the vast majority of my existence, no one *in my life or online* has been interested at all, but I've obviously never said no one has EVER been interested nor could be at all... because, after all, I had a girlfriend (who I frequently mention) right up until days before joining POF (hey, the 8 year anniversary of my last date is coming up... hoorah...). Plus there was the year-and-a-half I spent on-and-off with the infamous model.

You cannot possibly fancy yourself an expert on my posts and be unable to see the disconnect between your stubbornly contrarian argument and reality. Being in the bottom 1% of males has never meant that there aren't any women AT ALL that haven't been willing to date me at various times. They're just ridiculously difficult to come across, and when I do find them, they've almost always been women that either I don't want to date or that I knew better than to date, despite often doing it anyway (my ex-girlfriend and the model definitely included in the latter). I'm pretty sure I could walk into the nastiest ghetto or a meth lab right now and walk out with a date. If I emailed every BBW on POF in this area, I'd probably get a bunch of responses. And that pretty much WAS my attitude after I graduated from college without ever having been on dates. But that made me miserable and it made the women I was dating and didn't like but was dating anyway miserable, so I'm just not going to do that anymore. And for a few years (from the model through the ex-girlfriend), I somehow hit some kind of "sweet spot" in my existence and didn't have to anyway.

In my post-girlfriend existence (aka the "POF Era"), the world is just very different. Although I don't look much different (which is a problem in-and-of-itself), I have "aged out" of the experimental, immature, largely insane segment of the female population that was willing to take a chance on me. That 21-year-old woman from 5 years ago (when I was also 5 years younger) was one of the last hanger-ons.

Think about this: when I first started on POF, I would get 2-3 unsolicited views a week -- very low compared to most men, but not inconsequential. Now I'm down to 1 view a month. A 90% reduction over the course of 8 years. The amount of unsolicted views anyone gets on here has nothing to do with their activity or their profile or even most of their pictures -- it's almost entirely a function of their searchable characteristics. Nothing has changed about my searchable characteristics except my age. So basically I went from having a bunch of experimental teens and college-aged women (where most of my unsolicited views came from) willing to throw caution to the wind by including my characteristics in their searches to a bunch of extremely focused, mature women NOT including my characteristics in their searches. Same thing applies to real life. I think I've met like 2 women in their 30s or 40s who considered me possible "dating material." In fact, even though it is MUCH rarer now than 10 years ago, I still get hit on more by teenagers than women my own age (though they quickly lose interest once the figure out how old I am).

Anyway, on the original subject "It sounds like you've had chances, and you made the choice to let them go, because your hobbies and friends are more important" -- again, I let that one woman mentioned go because it would have been a bad relationship, and certainly my deadlines at the time and the friends wrapped up in them were more important than a potential bad relationship. If she had been my "dream girl," I probably would have just stopped sleeping altogether so I could deal with both her and my deadlines. If I had met her at the current time instead, I'd probably date her, despite knowing it would be a bad relationship, because she was attractive and what else have I got going on during this "down time" that has magically transpired? Plus I can always use more screenplay inspiration (the woman I pursued a few months after her actually did inspire my next screenplay and it ended up being the one that produced my first distributed movie).

Basically, it is very situational as to what level of effort I'm going to put into trying to make a dating opportunity work -- who the woman is and what else I have going on at the time are going to factor in. There was one time, slightly pre-girlfriend, when an attractive woman strongly "recommended" I go out with her that night or else it could be weeks before she'd be free again, so even though I was already at work and wouldn't be off work until 1 in the morning, I paid one of my co-workers (on top of what he was going to get from taking my shift) to cover me just to take her on that date. But if he hadn't agreed to do that, I wouldn't have just walked off the job to date the woman, no matter how hot she was, because people were counting on me to do my job (and I never miss work, not even with illness) but I will go out of my way to make something like that work out if the woman seems worth it. (She turned out to be not worth it. Although as attractive as her pictures, she was borderline criminally insane and almost got me arrested, tattooed and killed over the course of that LONG crazy night. See the types of women that are willing to go out with me?)
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 93
Can our hobbies, as much as we enjoy them, limit our dating success?
Posted: 3/30/2015 12:03:11 PM

Wow. I just Googled that. I was expecting some kind of pleasurable experience, but I can see why an ice pack would be needed if one of them knots got tied wrong or ended up in the wrong position.


lol yeah, in basic training I had no idea if I tied the thing right. I just remember thinking - there are two ways this could go horribly wrong for me lol. Then I got good at tying them in air assault, I can tie a Swiss seat in about 20 seconds.

This one dude Chun was this like 300ish LB Asian guy. And he had Swiss seat accident of cringe worthy proportions.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 94
Can our hobbies, as much as we enjoy them, limit our dating success?
Posted: 3/30/2015 12:19:32 PM
Solid friendships are not that fragile, you will not lose your friends just because you can't hang every single time they are available and you are too. If that's the case, you have high maintenance superficial friends. I have friends I speak to on my birthday, so once a year, and they are just as good as the friends that I see a couple times a month or every week. They are real friends, the kind of people who are in your life for a lifetime. I'm not gonna lose any of my friends if I decide to dedicate less time to them, and more time to dating someone and it blossoming into a relationship.

Most of my friends are either in a relationship, engaged, or getting married soon. I'm attending 2 weddings this year, I was asked to be bridesmaid. I find myself in the odd situation of hanging out with couples and they are eager to match me up, to which I say "no thanks, you are the ones who don't know what you're missing out on, lol". Their latest proposal is some dude in Michigan who happens to be cute and tall (and Asian), he is looking for a wife and to have 3 children, works at Google and makes so much money, I'd never have to work a day in my life, not even as a hobby. BUT, I'm not willing to move to Michigan and have 3 kids, I still have 2 to finish raising here in NYC, like no! next candidate, lol.

While I rather spend time with my friends and all, I can't be with them all the time. As they are mostly coupled, I don't want to infringe upon their relationships/marriages, and when the time comes, I'll be including my future SO into our hangouts, and then we'll all be couples.

Face it dude, your priorities are f*cking you over, even if women were throwing themselves at you.
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 95
view profile
History
Can our hobbies, as much as we enjoy them, limit our dating success?
Posted: 3/30/2015 12:31:24 PM
Wow-- Hawking's you have statistically analyzed your dating failure to such a degree it might be considered scientific. I imagine charts and spreadsheets that you can pull up at anytime being close at hand. God if you put the same amount of energy in creating a positive attitude you might just come to realize that even the ART of dating has a SCIENCE to it and you might master at!

I also never got back to you on something you said about ONLY having girlfriends(platonic) and being 'just one' of the girls. You even went far to say you don't hang with guys I believe. Well have you ever considered the possibility that hetero women are attracted to MEN and NOT males who are 'just one' of the girls?

Not sure what male role models you had growing up. I was lucky because my pops was a very successful, independent man who was a 'natural' . My father gave me good advice before I even reached dating age( I was probably 11 lol). He said something along the lines "_____ you need lots of male friends, because men do things together , mainly activities pursuing /meeting women". His advice has been mostly dead on. But when you get older rolling solo can even be better.Do you ever roll solo?


Ironically most of the guys I know who never married and don't date much come from a large family with mostly female roll models. One of them still lives at home in his parents basement and the sisters who aren't married live at home. Traditional Italian style!

I remember him specifically because he is like 5'5" and successful (cop which means he makes 6 figures) but his game sucks. I use to partner with him sometimes and he had many chances but his attitude , lack of game , whatever screwed him up. Now I also knew another guy..about your height, also a cop. He works out, into sports, is just one of the guys. He pulled girls all the time, in and out of uniform, at the gym even! And most of the Latino guys I worked with were vertically challenged and they mostly were all married and had stuff on the side. There is a method to the madness!
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 96
Can our hobbies, as much as we enjoy them, limit our dating success?
Posted: 3/30/2015 1:12:04 PM
*eyes glazing over*

I cant read your entire thesis. But I extract this from one of your previous posts which seems to indicate clearly a lost opportunity that has nothing to do with the woman being a "bad choice":

"My "hobby" definitely cost me a few dates. Several years ago I met a very attractive woman at a club, we exchanged numbers and talked a few times about getting together for a date -- then all hell broke loose on the film project I was working on and I had to keep putting her off and putting her off and eventually I just never heard from her again."

When a man is really into and excited about a woman, he makes time. With all of the mysteries surrounding the male mystique, this is a certainty. Guys make time for women they dig.

You make no effort. So, you get no gain.

Geeks, nerds, anti socials, etc get swallowed up in work, hobbies, video games, distraction, diversions, excuses....HEY! Just a thought. I've seen it. It's truuuuueeeeeee!

As I said, I work 50-60 hours a week and you better believe I can clear my plate for , at the very last, a dinner date with a guy.

The ultimate irony: You have plenty of time to sit and type out these super long analytical rambles, but no time for women. In the amount of time you've spent pecking all of your objections out, you could have at least touched base with a woman...via phone call, text, email or even popping out for quick coffee.

People make time for things they value and things they want. All of us do.

Which is why I suspect it's more than just a "lack of time" and height issues.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 97
view profile
History
Can our hobbies, as much as we enjoy them, limit our dating success?
Posted: 3/30/2015 1:48:55 PM
Belle, if you’re talking to me, I wasn’t talking directly about the issue of spending time with friends vs. spending time with a date. My friends are so desperate to see me not dateless, they would probably carry me on their backs to my date if the opportunity popped up.

The specific situation with the woman mentioned was: my friends and I shot a film that we invested a lot money (and dreams) in. The director was supposed to also be the editor, but he got frustrated and walked out in the middle of the editing process shortly after I met the aforementioned woman. Nobody else involved could edit, and we had a film festival deadline coming up quickly. My degree is in journalism (though more on the business side), so I had some editing skills, though not anywhere near on the level of the director (who went to film school), so I took over the editing process, which eventually required me to basically take a bunch of crash courses on not just visual editing but also sound editing (which I had NO experience in whatsoever). So this I was doing at the same time I was editing my own documentary project (which was just supposed to be a learning tool) and working 2 jobs. In the middle of all this, my boss at my main M-F job walked out and all hell broke loose there. So for some 3 months, I basically did nothing but work and edit and learn how to edit, sleeping maybe 25-30 hours a week, all the while having to push this woman further and further into the background.

I beat the first deadline by hours, producing a product good enough to get us in, which immediately led to deadline #2, and I jumped into another month worth of editing, by the end of which, she was gone and I was nearly dead. We won Best Film, which set into motion another film festival tour and catalyzed our eventual feature film that would get distribution. Ironically, had I found a way to date that woman and ended up in a relationship with her, I never would have met the woman who became the inspiration for the feature film, who showed up in my life a couple of months after the film festival. And even though she ultimately didn’t date me, we’re still friends (she is SO excited her name is going to be in the credits of a movie she can find at Walmart and Best Buy), so that was actually a pretty good trade off.

The point of this story is that I took over the project and finished it off to the detriment of my dating situation for my friends. They were upset this production was going to die on them after all the time, hard work and money they put into it, and I couldn’t let that happen. And they believed in me early on when I said this was a good project and we had the right people involved, and I just couldn’t let them down after that turned out to be only partially true. Had I dated this woman and the movie never been completed, would they still be my friends? Undoubtedly. But I don’t care – I’m just not going to let them down if I can help it, even if it means being dateless for the rest of my life.

VK: We've obviously rubbed each other the wrong way for a long time, and now you're to the point that you don't want to give me the satisfaction of admitting *anything* I say is true. I say my height factors into my difficulty to get dates, you say, NO, that could not possibly be true because that would make you (Hawking) right. This despite the fact that an overwhelming amount of scientific (and POF forum) evidence exists that short stature makes men less attractive to most women -- yes, I do know that you are a rare exception to the rule (which I don't think you're quite getting -- like Dragon once said, many people want to believe their own experience is everyone's experience and they become blind to the outside reality).

Regardless, nowhere in that quote did I say that her being a "bad choice" didn't factor in. Basically, my "hobby" got in the way of me dating a "bad choice," which I would have done, because I'm crazy like that. You seem to be suggesting that quote was misleading because I didn't mention that she was a "bad choice," but I didn't really see how that was relevant to the original question. The fact that I would have gone WAY out of my way to make it work if she had been a "good choice" doesn't change the fact that my "hobby" cost me a date with a "bad choice."

And I have plenty of time for women right now. There just aren't any that are responding. Or standing in front of me. (That are single and looking.) So... might as well right another analytical ramble!

Joe: I believe that was a different, more appropriate thread. But I guess I will respond to some of what you've said here. I have essentially no relationship with my father (nor my brother) despite the fact that my parents are still married and I do talk to my mother once every week or two. I don't have hours to detail all the history and psychobabble behind that. But point is, I grew up the eldest son in a male-dominated household, which kind of throws your theory off (I obviously agree, though -- being "one of the girls" is not helpful for getting dates, but "rolling solo" was also crap for that all the many years I did that). Despite many atypical things going on with my family, the greatest shaper of my current existence was undoubtedly the extremely rural area I grew up in and its people, particularly my classmates. I was a misfit in every possible way in a place too small and regressive to overcome it, and I went from a very happy, outgoing child to a friendless loner and the school's #1 bully victim in a matter of a few years, then had to deal with that status until I was 18. I would not recommend growing up the way I did, because it will seriously mess up your mind for the rest of your life. My lookalike brother, who is much taller and always fit in better, also did not come out unscathed -- he also never dated in high school (no options for non-white males there), never married, but he has far less issues getting dates in the city he currently lives in (because his height is normal), he just can't seem to make any relationships work out -- growing up in that place like we did just really messes up your mind. Neither one of us has ever really forgiven our parents for not moving us somewhere that we could have lived somewhat more normal childhoods. Instead we were basically lepers for the first 18 years of our lives, and I still feel like a leper, which would probably be at least a little true even if I ended up tall and never lacked in female interest as an adult.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 98
Can our hobbies, as much as we enjoy them, limit our dating success?
Posted: 3/30/2015 1:58:42 PM
Oh, my bad then.

About work, there is no way to just say "no, I won't be able to give it 100% as I'm already spent, so I rather someone else handle it". You can't always step into sh*t and then live a very miserable life, probably skipping meals and sleep, to comply with a deadline. I'm not in that industry so I imagine is a like a totally different animal from real life, so congrats on the hard work.

So when you plan to free up for the possibility of dating? when you're retired?
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 99
Can our hobbies, as much as we enjoy them, limit our dating success?
Posted: 3/30/2015 2:00:55 PM

The point of this story is that I took over the project and finished it off to the detriment of my dating situation for my friends.


Dude, had you invited her to your place to see you edit, not only would have earned you a great massage while putting hours on the computer, but while explaining with total passion what you were working on, you would have fvcked her brains out repeatedly.
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 100
Can our hobbies, as much as we enjoy them, limit our dating success?
Posted: 3/30/2015 2:09:46 PM

Being in the bottom 1% of males


Interesting, being that you've created a criterion where there is certainty of ineligibility. You give yourself a precedence for failure, you will ultimately give yourself excuse for failure.

You see how this


ridiculously difficult to come across


Creates a paradigm where you're excused from success, for contest is certain of failure.


I let that one woman mentioned go because it would have been a bad relationship


Oh, and here we have potential. But no - it would have been a bad relationship. And your conception of priority - are simply excuses. Because you'd rather excuse on notion, than give yourself the benefit of potential.


If I had met her at the current time instead, I'd probably date her, despite knowing it would be a bad relationship, because she was attractive and what else have I got going on during this "down time" that has magically transpired?


Negative, what transpired is your own subconscious sabotage. For had you not sabotaged the relationship, you would find your concept of self - to have potential. And cognitively, that overrides your prime necessity - which is to accept failure, as it is imperative that you fail in regard to potential - in context to relationship, and the success therein.


Basically, it is very situational as to what level of effort I'm going to put into trying to make a dating opportunity work


Sorry, you're wrong - I see the paradigm. The situation has nothing to do with effort. It has to do with maintaining the ineligibility and certain failure in contest to relationship potential.

The problem is you proved yourself wrong, so you create a system to insure failure. If success is on horizon - impulse is to know certain failure - despite the evident success.


There was one time, slightly pre-girlfriend, when an attractive woman strongly "recommended" I go out with her


So let papa vector break it on down for ya -

An attractive girl asked you out (breaking your rule) this is not an anomaly. Your history in terms of potential is directly opposing the evaluation of your eligibility.


so even though I was already at work and wouldn't be off work until 1 in the morning, I paid one of my co-workers


Here comes the excuse - followed by the damage control


If she had been my "dream girl," I probably would have just stopped sleeping altogether so I could deal with both her and my deadlines.


No you wouldn't have - you would have given yourself another excuse. Dream girls don't exist, and if they did (you being an intellectual) I would wager it be contingent upon knowing her. You don't even give yourself the opportunity to know a dream girl - so don't fool yourself.


I will go out of my way to make something like that work out if the woman seems worth it.


Negative, time and time again - we come to a point of direct evidence to support the contrary. You my friend have created delusion.


Although as attractive as her pictures, she was borderline criminally insane and almost got me arrested, tattooed and killed over the course of that LONG crazy night.

See the types of women that are willing to go out with me?)


She sounds like the perfect date - fun, attractive, adventurous - with patience in regard to your hesitant acceptance of her.

You have nothing to fear, but fear rejection, despite acceptance. Quite the paradox, impossible to argue logically.

I have no doubt you're an intelligent, well put together person. You sound extremely successful, and you present yourself as a gentlemen. And maybe that wasn't the girl for you, but you're going to have to stop hating yourself so much.

I used to hate myself with such passion, when I was a kid I would think "I am a wasted soul, clearly any other conscious mind would make better use of this vessel."

And honestly, I still do hate myself - I hate myself for where I come from. I hate myself for the things I've done. I hate myself because I've wasted a lot of potential. I hate myself because I hate myself, and then I hate myself some more.

But I also see the good in me, I see the potential, and I see it through the hate. I see it, so on occasion I am able to put the hate to the side. Like you, I am able to do good things despite my perceived inadequacy.

You are able to write, produce - and have people depend on you.

So how are you going to argue with me then - that you're ineligible - because there is no evidence to support that claim. And so much evidence to support you eligibility, your percentage is above average. I am a statistician, I have qualified, and quantified your potential.

So don't fool yourself, to perpetuate the hate you have for yourself - It creates delusions, and in delusion you've found solace.

Sorry to smash that delusion -
there is no question -
there is no contest -
you can't fool me -
I am such a fine tuned bullshit detector -
I catch myself in the process sometimes -
so-
Stop hating yourself -
Start appreciating yourself as others do -
Your wasting your potential -
Your wasting the potential to make a girl happy -
All so you can hate yourself -
now stop it -
And if you attempt to reaffirm -
I will reiterate -
You are valued it is evident, you are sought after, you're everything you don't want to be.
Accept the success, give yourself a break, you earned it, so be brave in your success.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Can our hobbies, as much as we enjoy them, limit our dating success?