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 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 51
ADHD, Dyslexia and PTSD How to Deal with Someone Like This When Dating?Page 3 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

We are all folks with imperfections. No one's are better than your's or mine.


That is true, I appreciate the perspective. I hadn't considered that imperfect judgment be valid reason to forgive those that judge - due to their own personal ignorance - But at the same time, that bandwagon can be a bi***.

And im not Irish, but ill sink to the lowest form of brawl - be it verbal or otherwise. Not because its the right thing to do, but because its the wrong thing to be passive - while under attack - even for the right reasons - as a way of being "the better man".

With that said, ill be more careful in how I deliver a message - especially if it has a potential to be misunderstood. But I think a lot of it had to do with assumptions, based on my initial statement, as people googled web MD and found that I was speaking in context to the statement the OP made - to behavior of OP's date. And not in context to meeting the criteria.
 8inscrew
Joined: 11/17/2014
Msg: 52
ADHD, Dyslexia and PTSD How to Deal with Someone Like This When Dating?
Posted: 3/30/2015 11:52:04 PM
Irish are THE bulls of the pit ' omme.

Lowest just denounces your abnafistcation of the one whom holds your hand.

You'd have to be crazy to bet against us.

A in no "better men





Edit: obfustification
 midnite_icecream
Joined: 12/27/2014
Msg: 53
ADHD, Dyslexia and PTSD How to Deal with Someone Like This When Dating?
Posted: 3/31/2015 3:34:53 AM

There are many many different people stumbling across this thread. Some have probably lost children to accidental death. It's not the subject itself that I find upsetting - it's refering to the death of a child repeatedly, with such callousness and hostility.

Yes, certainly. I appreciate the sensitivity shown to others who have suffered, with this statement. Thank You.
_____________________________________________________

Too funny..yes everyone of US is imperfect, it's not news to me. I myself made it obvious I thought.
I prefer people to be themselves however lines do get crossed.
Also, the behaviour I observed can't be described as honouring a friend. On the contrary, simply more justification for blatant ongoing hooliganism. My opinion, can't change it, like it or lump it. shrug.
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 54
ADHD, Dyslexia and PTSD How to Deal with Someone Like This When Dating?
Posted: 3/31/2015 5:48:52 AM

it's refering to the death of a child repeatedly, with such callousness and hostility


And you come site to quote this statement - as if it were relevant? Children die - yes, adults die - yes, what do you want to shield yourself from? The truth? How typical.

The interesting thing is how many times I had to explain the context, as it had been misinterpreted - and those who took a stab did. Are you ignorant in your actions to put your 2 cents in on the matter. Ignore the morale of my position, ignore the purpose. Just paint yourself in as a victim, paint me in as a self-righteous person, or a damaging person.

The concept revolves around the misuse of debilitating disorder - in context to using disorder as a ploy, and an excuse for behavior. I know it one because it would literally be impossible for a kid, to know a kid died in the pool. For fact that unless there was a doctor on site, there wouldn't be a legitimate way to certify death. And there would be adults herding kids out of the area. There would be an ambulance, there would be an unconscious child, but there would not be a concept of death in that circumstance.

Furthermore he used two other disabilities to excuse behavior - this is a person who may or may not have disability. But is certainly lying about the nature of his behavior, explaining that "I have this, so excuse this," and any public acceptance therein, is idiocy.


Too funny..yes everyone of US is imperfect, it's not news to me.


How hypocritical you are - infer that you're above the news I considered as relevant in context to my reiterating to no end. And "news" that you clearly misunderstood, as you've over simplified what 8inscrew was saying. And perpetuated what you bit** about - so congratulations - you turn yourself into the concept of idiot in regard to 8inscrew's concept of perpetual slander begets perpetual defense of slander, and offense toward the one making the judgment (in ignorance.) Will continue to be validated out of popularity, even at the expense of truth.

Meaning, because of people like you, and by me addressing the slander and ignorance - as slander and ignorance . Ultimately leads to defending an obvious point, that is constantly demonized - from popular notion, even if popular notion is incorrect or backward.

Using a stigmatized disorder to defend negative connotation in behavior is cowardly - lying about the disorder is worse - the two combined -- infinitely wrong.

What is blatant hooliganism - ongoing - is you hypocritically citing me as such - after I reaffirmed my point. I mean how stupid are you? I am not justifying my behavior, I am justifying my diminishing patience at the expense of those who refuse to read - who simply imply I said something - in blatant disregard to context, or amendment to the confusion. And the justification people like you lend to it - when you argue my point out of context... just makes me type again...

You stupid cow.
 midnite_icecream
Joined: 12/27/2014
Msg: 55
ADHD, Dyslexia and PTSD How to Deal with Someone Like This When Dating?
Posted: 3/31/2015 6:58:51 AM
Yes you have made it abundantly clear you do have a serious issue: YOU.
I shan't deal with anymore of your bully boy nonsense.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 56
ADHD, Dyslexia and PTSD How to Deal with Someone Like This When Dating?
Posted: 3/31/2015 8:14:01 AM
Sure, some people use mental stress as excuses to get out of a lot of things, but assuming your form of PTSD is the ONLY form that 'matters' is pretty goddamned arrogant to say the least. It speaks of military hubris more than anything else.

Having dated a gal who suffered from a myriad of these problems - I stuck with it for some time because I knew for a fact she was getting counseling and doing what she could to manage it - but after more than a year it was still a lingering problem that prevented us from making emotional progress as a couple. I couldn't handle it and bailed. I just got fed up with being a part-time partner with someone who simply couldn't realize how much of their life was preoccupied with their own baggage.

It takes a lot of work to deal with mental issues, and some forget it takes just as much work to deal with a person who HAS those issues.

If the guy shows no sign of taking care of himself, get the hell out. You are not qualified to deal with that baggage. If he's really, really trying to make an effort - it's up to you to decide if it's worth your own time as well. To be abundantly clear, Apologizing is NOT working on those issues - it's what they are doing to prevent occurrences in the first place.
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 57
ADHD, Dyslexia and PTSD How to Deal with Someone Like This When Dating?
Posted: 3/31/2015 8:43:15 AM
Forgive me OP for going offtopic but....


You know Vector, sometimes that mouth of your gets me so bloody pissed off when it shoots off in your posts. Who the hell do you think you are that gives you the all given premium whoo-hooo right above all else here to shoot your mouth off like you do?@!
"fu*ck this, fu*ck that, fu*ck you".
You do know that kind of talk does absolutely NOTHING to support anything you say at all? Don't you?
All the points you are trying to bring across is completely obliterated by that foul mouth of yours. I don't care if you have saved the entire world in an apocalypse, have every delibating emotional disease there is to deal with, NOTHING give you the right to carry with that foul mouth of your like you have. Enough is enough. Curb it ! Or in mil speak if you understand this better, ... Stand down.

And that cow remark. WOW!!!! Uncalled for!
GRRRRRRR........If you EVER talked to ME like that, I'd wish I could tracked you down to take you over my knee and spank you because that is exactly how you behave. Like a little foul mouthed brat.
I am so surprised you haven't been nuked yet.All these people here don't want to scoop to your level or rock your boat, but I don't give a hoot. You think you're a man? No! you're just a foul mouthed boy.
Want to be a man? You want to make your points and get it across. Act it! Curb that mouth of yours
Do you understand me? Do you understand what I am saying?

KNOCK IT OFF!
 flaneur001
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 58
view profile
History
ADHD, Dyslexia and PTSD How to Deal with Someone Like This When Dating?
Posted: 3/31/2015 10:31:33 AM
CharminC

I am so surprised you haven't been nuked yet.


Looks like he has been 'nuked'...or he decided to leave.
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 59
ADHD, Dyslexia and PTSD How to Deal with Someone Like This When Dating?
Posted: 3/31/2015 11:45:17 AM
As so he has been
Don't I feel like a fool now, my time wasted *sigh
I was surely looking forward to any response of his :P
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 60
ADHD, Dyslexia and PTSD How to Deal with Someone Like This When Dating?
Posted: 3/31/2015 12:47:56 PM

All these people here don't want to scoop to your level

I think that's a Freudian slip, because it's now Spring, and you're in the mood for ice cream! :)

If you EVER talked to ME like that, I'd wish I could tracked you down to take you over my knee and spank you

Okay, now it's getting kinky...... ;) [Insert role-playing situation here]

Don't I feel like a fool now, my time wasted *sigh
I was surely looking forward to any response of his :P

One doesn't need an active account to read the forums. He read it, I'm sure.
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 61
view profile
History
ADHD, Dyslexia and PTSD How to Deal with Someone Like This When Dating?
Posted: 3/31/2015 12:52:34 PM
Been following this thread for a bit and since many, if not all, of the posters are also in the over 45 group I thought I would add this to the commentary about PTSD.

For those of us 45+ we are going to have a greater chance of meeting up with our peers in this age group who have had issues with major (or minor) events like strokes or coronary incidents. The reason I bring this up is that a quarter to a third of those who have suffered such injuries also show (moderate, severe, or only minor) signs/symptoms of PTSD. Anything from full blown emotional problems you would associate with war time exposure to something as simple as sleep disorders. I would suspect the range tends to group more toward the lesser impacts, but ...

As much as I wish there had been a manual for raising children (or marriage for that matter) there really ought to be something to prepare us for 60+. This is new territory and us boomers seem to redefining a good portion of it.

TK
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 62
ADHD, Dyslexia and PTSD How to Deal with Someone Like This When Dating?
Posted: 3/31/2015 1:16:03 PM

those who have suffered such injuries also show (moderate, severe, or only minor) signs/symptoms of PTSD


This is where Vector failed to see the possibly that OP's guy could indeed suffer from PTSD.
Anything that "shocks the system"
When you see a life pass by or your own life pass by... *whistles*
The emotions in dealing with this is not to be discounted.
I, myself have had my life almost leave me and have had a few die in my arms or in my lifetime. Close people. I've also experience violence and utter shock as well. So I can understand or at least try to when it happens to others.
These strong emotions in turmoil. Op's guy has too much when he's complaining about it along with other things. Op isn't equipped to handle him or she wouldn't be asking imo.


NG

I think that's a Freudian slip, because it's now Spring, and you're in the mood for ice cream! :)


pistachio with sour cherry topping and whipped cream please :)


Okay, now it's getting kinky...... ;) [Insert role-playing situation here]


ack....not into role playing
no need to


One doesn't need an active account to read the forums. He read it, I'm sure.


Is he spanking himself???
 DeepakTolle
Joined: 3/18/2015
Msg: 63
ADHD, Dyslexia and PTSD How to Deal with Someone Like This When Dating?
Posted: 3/31/2015 1:44:22 PM

Is he spanking himself???


Are you kidding ?
After this part :


ā€œ I'd wish I could tracked you down to take you over my knee and spank you ā€œ

The question is :

who ISNā€™T spanking himself ?

LMAO
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 64
ADHD, Dyslexia and PTSD How to Deal with Someone Like This When Dating?
Posted: 3/31/2015 1:58:17 PM

This is where Vector failed to see the possibly that OP's guy could indeed suffer from PTSD.
Anything that "shocks the system"
When you see a life pass by or your own life pass by... *whistles*
The emotions in dealing with this is not to be discounted.
I, myself have had my life almost leave me and have had a few die in my arms or in my lifetime. Close people. I've also experience violence and utter shock as well. So I can understand or at least try to when it happens to others.
These strong emotions in turmoil. Op's guy has too much when he's complaining about it along with other things. Op isn't equipped to handle him or she wouldn't be asking imo.


I didn't see Vector failing to see the possibility of the OP's guy having PTSD - although he believes it's bogus and I agree with that. What I got from Vector was (1) people use PTSD (whether validly diagnosed or not) as an excuse for their screwy behavior and (2) all this screwy behavior by people claiming to do things screwy ONLY because of their PTSD leads to the stigmatization of PTSD and the alienation of people who genuinely have PTSD.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 65
ADHD, Dyslexia and PTSD How to Deal with Someone Like This When Dating?
Posted: 3/31/2015 2:24:57 PM

ack....not into role playing
no need to

That's right... just get down to the down-n-dirty... that's respectable.

Is he spanking himself???

I'm sure by now he is! If you're not going to do it, he'll have to do it himself, I'm sure! ;)
 Hearton64
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 66
ADHD, Dyslexia and PTSD How to Deal with Someone Like This When Dating?
Posted: 3/31/2015 3:45:24 PM
Obviously, there is a contiuum regarding how
PTSD effects people and being that Vector is undoubtly
a more extreme case is it any wonder he'd have such a valid
and strong opinion?

His anger may have come across as uncalled for to most
but his points remain.

I,for one,can forgive his outburst as it's obvious
this topic tiggered him to an extreme.

I'm sure there are varying degrees of PTSD
just as there are varying circumstances that
Can trigger them.

I believe his points stemmed from seeing his brother
make excuses for his choices and this thread topic
simply added to that reality and he reacted as anyone
with extreme and valid PTSD would.

Just remember despite his issues Vector has shown
A lot of people compassion and empathy not typical
from someone who's been thru the hell he has.

I,for one,get it and hope he's OK as I'm sure he
Lost it for reasons he sees as valid.

Maybe learning more about PTSD could serve the OP
in here decision as to how to handle someone who at the
very least considers himself effected deeply by seeing someone
drown.

Rage and anger are two of the most common side effects
Of PTSD and I have to assume they stem from fear
and a deeply wounded place and for that reason people
with it need to be handled differently than those without it.

I just read another post from vector wherein the op thanked
him for his powerful help.

That's the vector I will miss. But I know that sort of outburst
will never work in a place like this.

Peace man!


http://www.ptsd.va.gov/public/problems/anger-and-trauma.asp
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 67
ADHD, Dyslexia and PTSD How to Deal with Someone Like This When Dating?
Posted: 3/31/2015 9:31:49 PM
CTRLvector- It all seems like obvious questions with obvious answers, I'm pretty sure if the mods were still here,the majority of this OP's threads would be shut down not long after they got started. (attention seeking)
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 2/17/2015
Msg: 68
ADHD, Dyslexia and PTSD How to Deal with Someone Like This When Dating?
Posted: 3/31/2015 9:43:44 PM
^ I've never understood why attention seeking has such negative connotations. I have this philosophy that if someone needs attention, why not give them attention?
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 69
ADHD, Dyslexia and PTSD How to Deal with Someone Like This When Dating?
Posted: 3/31/2015 10:25:28 PM
Whatsamattababy- I am always open to giving advice, but someone who starts thread after thread asking DUH types of questions is pretty much the definition of attention seeking, jmo.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 70
ADHD, Dyslexia and PTSD How to Deal with Someone Like This When Dating?
Posted: 3/31/2015 10:40:31 PM

^ I've never understood why attention seeking has such negative connotations. I have this philosophy that if someone needs attention, why not give them attention?

I'll agree with you there. Attention Seeking doesn't mean someone's asking stupid/"duh" questions. When something's bothering someone -- they have an issue that they're grappling with, whether it be philisophically or in real-life action -- sure, they're going to Seek Attention. That's what Forums Are For.

IRL, it can be weird, don't get me wrong -- like bursting into a break room and asking/talking about something making the issue that's been racking your brain suddenly be asked to be the center of attention for everyone. But that's Totally Different. Forums are set for inquiries that one feels could use some attention.

Now, if someone's posting something looking for personal sympathy, personal validation & pats on the back, etc -- that's different. That should raise an eyebrow. But one shouldn't jump to conclusions that one's doing that because they're bemoaning over something and are just looking for personal sympathy or validation. One could like it, but if said topic has conflicting points of view -- then IMO, why not start a thread discussing it? Who cares if the OP, as a side dish would like some sympathy/validation on the side? IMO, it's only a problem if there is nothing To discuss and there wouldn't be anything indicating any different POVs -- and the only thing asked for is sympathy/validation.

IMO, no need to be real picky about the concept... especially when the forums are dead. :)
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 2/17/2015
Msg: 71
ADHD, Dyslexia and PTSD How to Deal with Someone Like This When Dating?
Posted: 3/31/2015 11:08:56 PM
^ Those break room bursters are entertaining though, you must admit. I have a colleague who bursts into meetings like that. Sometimes uninvited. And always late, ensuring the most possible captive audience. And it works - I just sit there with my mouth hanging open - can't even remember what the issue was that was being discussed.
 Hearton64
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 72
ADHD, Dyslexia and PTSD How to Deal with Someone Like This When Dating?
Posted: 4/1/2015 5:26:05 AM
Believe me had you or I been on the receiving end
of any of that we wouldn't miss that side of him.


In order to keep things civil around here without mods
censoring us,it behooves everyone to keep their anger
in check no matter how extreme our differences of opinion
are. It's how we coexist in a world filled with
diametrically opposed thinkers!

And had there been mods,that kind of swearing
personal attacks and anger,
valid or not, PTSD or not,
would have gotten him banned/voted off.

He knew that.

I disagree with a lot of posters here but I know
better than to think I can get away with f-bombs
personally directed at anyone without paying
consequences.

So again I will miss the very smart,usually kind
and very honest guy!

I have no doubt it's annoying to have your own issues
Minimized but at the same time no one has the right
to invalidate anyone else's issues to maximize their own.

It's all relative and subjective how we react to our lives and others.

And it's our responsibility to maintain decorum
and civility in here and in life!
 Hearton64
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 73
ADHD, Dyslexia and PTSD How to Deal with Someone Like This When Dating?
Posted: 4/1/2015 5:51:23 AM
As for how to deal with a trama survivor within
a relationship:

http://www.ptsd.va.gov/public/family/ptsd-and-relationships.asp


rauma survivors with PTSD may have trouble with their close
family relationships or friendships. The symptoms of PTSD
can cause problems with trust, closeness, communication,
and problem solving. These problems may affect the way the
survivor acts with others. In turn, the way a loved one responds
to him or her affects the trauma survivor. A circular pattern can
develop that may sometimes harm relationships.

How might trauma survivors react?

In the first weeks and months following a trauma, survivors may feel angry,
detached, tense or worried in their relationships. In time, most are able to
resume their prior level of closeness in relationships. Yet the 5% to 10% of
survivors who develop PTSD may have lasting relationship problems.
Survivors with PTSD may feel distant from others and feel numb.
They may have less interest in social or sexual activities. Because
survivors feel irritable, on guard, jumpy, worried, or nervous,
they may not be able to relax or be intimate. They may also feel
an increased need to protect their loved ones. They may come
across as tense or demanding.

The trauma survivor may often have trauma memories or flashbacks.
He or she might go to great lengths to avoid such memories.
Survivors may avoid any activity that could trigger a memory.
If the survivor has trouble sleeping or has nightmares, both the
survivor and partner may not be able to get enough rest.
This may make sleeping together harder.

Survivors often struggle with intense anger and impulses.
In order to suppress angry feelings and actions, they may
avoid closeness. They may push away or find fault with
loved ones and friends. Also, drinking and drug problems, which can be an attempt to cope with PTSD, can destroy intimacy and friendships. Verbal or physical violence can occur.

In other cases, survivors may depend too much on their
partners, family members, and friends. This could also
include support persons such as health care providers or therapists.

Dealing with these symptoms can take up a lot of the survivor's attention.
He or she may not be able to focus on the partner. It may be hard to listen
carefully and make decisions together with someone else.
Partners may come to feel that talking together and working
as a team are not possible.


How might loved ones react?

Partners, friends, or family members may feel hurt, cut off, or
down because the survivor has not been able to get over the trauma.
Loved ones may become angry or distant toward the survivor.
They may feel pressured, tense, and controlled. The survivor's
symptoms can make a loved one feel like he or she is living in a
war zone or in constant threat of danger. Living with someone
who has PTSD can sometimes lead the partner to have some
of the same feelings of having been through trauma.

In sum, a person who goes through a trauma may have certain
common reactions. These reactions affect the people around
the survivor. Family, friends, and others then react to how
the survivor is behaving. This in turn comes back to affect
the person who went through the trauma.

Trauma types and relationships

Certain types of "man-made" traumas can have a
more severe effect on relationships. These traumas include:
Childhood sexual and physical abuse
Rape
Domestic violence
Combat
Terrorism
Genocide
Torture
Kidnapping
Prisoner of war
Survivors of man-made traumas often feel a lasting sense
of terror, horror, endangerment, and betrayal.
These feelings affect how they relate to others.
They may feel like they are letting down their guard
if they get close to someone else and trust them.
This is not to say a survivor never feels a strong
bond of love or friendship.

However, a close relationship can also
feel scary or dangerous to a trauma survivor.


That being said if someone you know claims to
have PTSD, they should be receiving therapy before
you date them.

As for ADHD there are meds for that.

And Dyslexia may cause a certain amount of frustration.

But with all of those things combined, assuming
they aren't just excuses, is steer clear until they've had
some serious couch time.

I am a sexual abuse survivor and I'm sure as a child
I had PTSD. Unfortunately I was blamed for my abuse
and not offered help.By my teens I was acting out and displaying
all the classic short and long term effects of said abuse.

By 16 I began my healing journey in a therapists office
And by my 20's I had learned about my patterns and
reactions to others yet continued to react unhealthily
And choose toxic relationships.

Now 50, I can finally say I've overcome my past.

Some tramas can effect some people for years.

But considering we all have issues of one kind or another
if we want to be with someone, finding a person who's issues
jibe with our own is about the only way to go!

Was my PTSD more or less valid than someone else's?

Hell no!
 Axis555
Joined: 3/29/2015
Msg: 74
ADHD, Dyslexia and PTSD How to Deal with Someone Like This When Dating?
Posted: 4/1/2015 8:42:39 AM
He really is crap at communicating and obviously has problems. Is he even ready to date at all? It doesn't sound like he is. Consider if you would handle and be happy being his support person pretty much, because that is what you will be if you go in a relationship with him.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 75
ADHD, Dyslexia and PTSD How to Deal with Someone Like This When Dating?
Posted: 4/1/2015 10:18:04 AM
I really wonder if the people Eulogizing CTRLVector are doing so because they liked having a 'purpose' in these forums to correct the ignorance of others - namely him. It's tougher to stay polite and kind to new posters that really don't know or understand the full content of this forum when you secretly urge to be snarky and sarcastic.

A lot of the "Well-Duh!" answers to forum posts need to be dialed back a bit because you need to realize the context of a newbie in here - and sarcasm doesn't play very well at all from internet strangers thru text messages. Forumite 'regulars' are a little more versed in the posters' personalities - but most new people posting new questions just don't understand that point of view.
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