Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > ADHD, Dyslexia and PTSD How to Deal with Someone Like This When Datin      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Axis555
Joined: 3/29/2015
Msg: 101
ADHD, Dyslexia and PTSD How to Deal with Someone Like This When Dating?Page 5 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

Who “judged” him? If anyone was judged, it was the OP and at least one other poster who said they have PTSD, as well, by Vector screaming that they don’t have the right to have PTSD.

He goes on about not 'stereotyping' others but he actually means generalizing/and judging however he did it frequently and almost non-stop toward others. The way he talks down to people and becomes disrespectful and condescending when he doesn't like something about them, an opinion or behavior. Then calls them idiots and such.


Did that really deserve his unrelenting, hateful wrath?

NOTHING does deserve that, it is wrong in whatever situation. He tried to excuse his behavior by pointing out others 'idiocy' and how he was so much more wiser and smarter and clearer right etc. he never ever realized the abuse he was putting users through and just how wrong it was.


Why was it okay for Vector to disregard and ridicule THEIR pain and suffering, with profanity and vulgarity, as if he’s the only person on earth who suffers? Why is no one weeping for them?

It wasn't. I'm glad others actually noticed what was going on, shame not many spoke up when he was doing it to everyone else, it wasn't just a one off thing. The way he has treated some of the ladies here was despicable. Calling ladies 'cows' and such things, absolutely disgusting. No one should be treated like that.
 WhoamI_46
Joined: 3/28/2015
Msg: 102
ADHD, Dyslexia and PTSD How to Deal with Someone Like This When Dating?
Posted: 4/3/2015 7:42:46 AM
interesting question IG. Not sure how this can be answered.

I know someone who was a paramedic and had seen it all. It was having to arrive to old friends house, who had blown his head off with a shotgun, and having to clean up the aftermath, that caused him to be done with that job.

I think Doctors, in some ways, put their career ahead of their emotions. They are there to do a job, and they know they might encounter all kinds of situations. So therefore, they are focused on fixing things rather than getting all upset about it.

I am sure some of them suffer internally, but they find a reason to not let it bother them, because they are there for a reason.

I hope that makes sense.

Peace
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 103
ADHD, Dyslexia and PTSD How to Deal with Someone Like This When Dating?
Posted: 4/3/2015 7:53:56 AM
To give an example of 'Degrees' of Dyslexia - my brother is a bright cookie - got a bachelors degree in Chemistry despite his reading disability. His issue is that when he would read silently, his mind couldn't 'verbalize' the words, which meant retention from books and such was extremely difficult. Lectures and experiments and taking notes was absolutely no problem - it was just getting already-written words to 'jump' off the pages. Luckily, the college he went to had some bright cookies at the library who had made computer software that could 'read' textbooks out loud, record the text to an audio CD - and then my bother could listen and take notes just like it was a class lecture. Worked like a charm.
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 104
ADHD, Dyslexia and PTSD How to Deal with Someone Like This When Dating?
Posted: 4/3/2015 7:57:05 AM

Your thoughts?


I think it might be a matter of control. How much control do/did we have at the moment of trauma? I was molested as a five-year old child. Another kid's grandfather invited me to the back shed to 'see the puppies'. I went and you can guess there weren't any puppies. He opened his pants for me to fondle the 'puppy' and pulled up my shirt to play with my (non-existent!) boobies (his word). Before it got further, I remembered he was hard of hearing and told him that my parents were calling me and I had to go. I've been through other crises that could have (and may have) induced PTSD including rape, attack by a pack of wild dogs (some rabid), attack by someone with a firearm, life-threatening situations while diving. I always did something. There was always something under my control that I grabbed at, even if it was just counting my heartbeat or grabbing a rock.
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 105
ADHD, Dyslexia and PTSD How to Deal with Someone Like This When Dating?
Posted: 4/3/2015 7:58:14 AM
As someone in HR would spew,

this is not your job, it's your purpose.

To the extent someone believes they are serving a meaningful purpose (i.e. healing, national defense, personal security) I'm sure has an influence on their vulnerability to PTSD.

Loud noises seem to be a theme as well.
 LadyEssKay
Joined: 2/13/2015
Msg: 106
ADHD, Dyslexia and PTSD How to Deal with Someone Like This When Dating?
Posted: 4/3/2015 7:59:40 AM

Yet hardly ever, do I hear of them talking about PTSD. Why? Are they immune to it? Do they just keep it inside and not talk about it? Or something else. Your thoughts?


They are just as susceptible to PTSD as anyone else, however, often times it goes undiagnosed, or they suffer in silence. One of my uneducated theories is that physicians and surgeons also have the ability to treat the condition, and not the patient, if that makes any sense. Of course they know that the condition is inherently attached to a person, but it is not uncommon to hear a physician or other health care professional to identify the patient by illness/injury rather than name, i.e., "we need to order a stat CT on the gunshot wound in room one", rather than "we need to order a stat CT on Mr. Smith in room one". So it's almost like removing the human component, in a sense. Whether it's a coping mechanism or not, I'm not sure, but it is very common. But they can suffer from stress and burnout from what they see. I know that injuries or severe illness in children coming to the ER are particularly difficult for those that are treating them, and more than once, I have seen and consoled teary eyed physicians. Nonetheless, time is their enemy so they go into almost like a survival mode to stabilize the patient as quickly as they can. I'm not a physician, but I can tell you that I can sit with a patient who has been told there is nothing more that can be done, and hold their hand, and shed a few tears with them, and then the next patient can come in having just heard that they are in quite a bit of trouble, and despite their complete panic, I go into that same, "gotta get things done and fast" mindset. In this case, it's not going to do them a bit of good for me to panic with them, and fret about what has transpired. It's almost a mechanical response, in a way.

Not every health care professional gets PTSD, just like any other field where trauma and catastrophe is common, but it does happen.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 107
ADHD, Dyslexia and PTSD How to Deal with Someone Like This When Dating?
Posted: 4/3/2015 8:12:55 AM
My dad in his early career worked in an ER in South America. He would tell me stories of people arriving at the ER with a motorcycle accident, and how one time, they removed the helmet of the guy and his brains came right out. He would tell me these stories with no emotion, just a sense of observation. One of my uncles used to serve with a Special Force in South America that fought the Guerrillas that Che Gevarra had mobilized in the country and he saw his share of blood and gore, yet it didn't seem to face him, because he was doing good, stopping wounds and stuff like that.

Yet, many years ago, I was going to shoot a commercial for a hospital and went into an Open Heart Surgery suite. We needed to check on the electrical and what were required, where we could put cameras, lighting and all that. When we arrived at the suite, they have had surgery not long before. The room looked like something out of a horror movie. It looked like blood had squirted all over, including the ceiling. there were corners with towels soaked on blood, smears on the floor. It as all incredibly nasty, and several of the people in my crew threw up when they got outside.
 PenelopeLeChat
Joined: 7/29/2014
Msg: 108
ADHD, Dyslexia and PTSD How to Deal with Someone Like This When Dating?
Posted: 4/3/2015 8:19:13 AM
IG, yes doctors and medical support providers also suffer from PTSD. Most information that I can find only relates to the military on a whole and puts the number at 30% of all returning personal. I would venture that there is a lot of self censure among the differing professions avoiding an outright diagnosis due to the potential loss of lively hood, both in military and civilian settings. Homosexuality is not the only "don't ask, don't tell" situation in our military.

I do know that the military has a very lax stance on caring for our troops when they return home as far as making sure they are not having any issues. If anything, across the board mental illness is severely under reported because of the rules and regulations and intolerance to any kind of mental health issues when most issues could be managed with the correct medical, psychological and pharmaceutical care.

Your question makes me think back to the show MASH where often one of the sub themes of the show was the trauma and horror of the war and how the troops would deal with it. Yes it was TV but what made it so popular was the ring of truth in the situation.

As Always,
Le Pew
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 109
ADHD, Dyslexia and PTSD How to Deal with Someone Like This When Dating?
Posted: 4/3/2015 8:24:53 AM
Why is PTSD discussed like it's a recent discovery, when the history of human behavior is filled with atrocities throughout the world, where murder and torture are and have been pretty common, and people in some areas live or have lived their entire lives under those conditions? Weren't those people affected with PTSD? It's not like some recent scientific breakthrough had to be made to notice the psychological effects on someone who witnessed or was part of a horrible situation.
 LadyEssKay
Joined: 2/13/2015
Msg: 110
ADHD, Dyslexia and PTSD How to Deal with Someone Like This When Dating?
Posted: 4/3/2015 8:32:31 AM

Why is PTSD discussed like it's a recent discovery, when the history of human behavior is filled with atrocities throughout the world, where murder and torture are and have been pretty common, and people in some areas live or have lived their entire lives under those conditions? Weren't those people affected with PTSD? It's not like some recent scientific breakthrough had to be made to notice the psychological effects on someone who witnessed or was part of a horrible situation.


It's not new. But it was called something different back then. In the military, I think they called it "shell shock". For those not in the military, there was no correlation made between traumatic event and symptomatology, so it was hysteria or mania, or whatever cubby hole they found to define it.

That being said, there was a time where some treated migraines by poking a hole in the forehead and letting the blood flow, and they used to do lobotomies on patients with psychiatric illnesses. Medicine progresses with research and new treatments all the time. What we know today, we didn't know a decade ago.
 kj521
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 111
ADHD, Dyslexia and PTSD How to Deal with Someone Like This When Dating?
Posted: 4/3/2015 8:32:41 AM
IG....

I would say that there are several factors that result in a decreased frequency of PTSD occurring in medical professionals.
I would surmise that individuals who seek this type of profession find out relatively early on in med school whether they have the constitution for this particular work.
By its' very nature...it requires one to possess and maintain a level of objectivity and detachment. Conversely, if an event evokes a high emotional response coupled with severe cognitive dissonance then the likelihood of PTSD occurring increases.


Ms. LadyEssKay....

Don't forget the leeches! Yikes!!
 PenelopeLeChat
Joined: 7/29/2014
Msg: 112
ADHD, Dyslexia and PTSD How to Deal with Someone Like This When Dating?
Posted: 4/3/2015 8:36:04 AM
Maleman ^^^^ No, it is not discussed like a recent discovery. The condition has been there only the name has changed through the era's. WWI and II called it "shell shock" Check out this piece from Frontline called "Soldiers Heart"

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/heart/themes/shellshock.html

Le Pew
 flaneur001
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 113
view profile
History
ADHD, Dyslexia and PTSD How to Deal with Someone Like This When Dating?
Posted: 4/3/2015 10:56:56 AM
mailman
Why is PTSD discussed like it's a recent discovery,



This is an interesting article from the NY Times - by Jennifer Percy The Wake of Grief
http://www.nytimes.com/2015/02/22/books/review/the-evil-hours-by-david-j-morris.html?_r=0

…Without a decade-long campaign led by a group of anguished Vietnam vets, “PTSD as we know it,” Morris writes, “would not exist.” PTSD was not recognized as an official disorder until 1980. And when it did not exist — when it did not have a name — the sufferers were thrown into erroneous categories. During World War I, traumatized soldiers were viewed as cowards, and 306 hysterical soldiers were shot; hundreds more were subjected to electric treatment. During the Vietnam War, such individuals were considered schizophrenics. In the 1970s one V.A. psychiatrist called the idea of PTSD an “insult to brave men.”…
 flaneur001
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 114
view profile
History
ADHD, Dyslexia and PTSD How to Deal with Someone Like This When Dating?
Posted: 4/3/2015 11:28:01 AM
bamagr168



The trouble with PSTD is that it involves impulse control. He's see's something that angers him and you might and well try to harness a tornado.
What set him off, I think, was some one using something as an example of PSTD that wasn't PSTD, since Vecor lives with it every day, something like that is GOING to trigger his anger.



It's true that impulse control is an issue with PTSD, it's also an issue with people who use drugs or are tapering off drugs can also be dysregulated.

It is possible to be compassionate and have boundaries and limits with someone like CLVector. It doesn't help someone like CLV to get feedback that their behaviour is acceptable....because they have PTSD. It is important to convey to someone like CLV that they are worthwhile as a person, that their behaviours is understandable given their unique context, however, they have to know how they impact other people and they have to learn how to handle the triggers and respond differently. The problem here is that CLV is in denial about the extent of the impact of his PTSD on his behaviour. He is relying on emotional reasoning to guide him....I think you are wrong...so that means you are wrong. His ego and shame-based perspective isn't allowing him to look at his own vulnerabilities and therefore preventing him from absorbing and integrating feedback from others.

I don't think CLV should have been banned (if that's why he's no longer on line?) but I do think he should have been warned that this behaviour is not acceptable. I agree with Walts, CLV should wait 24 hours when he's dysregulated, as I've mentioned in previous threads, I also think he should be taking some of these threads to his therapist so that s/he can see how CLV interacts with others.
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 115
ADHD, Dyslexia and PTSD How to Deal with Someone Like This When Dating?
Posted: 4/3/2015 2:39:02 PM

It doesn't help someone like CLV to get feedback that their behaviour is acceptable....because they have PTSD. It is important to convey to someone like CLV that they are worthwhile as a person, that their behaviours is understandable given their unique context, however, they have to know how they impact other people and they have to learn how to handle the triggers and respond differently.



As Axis have mentioned, it hasn't been a one off thing. Like I said, I've seen Vector go off over and over.
To my surprise, I've received quite a few messages in my inbox from forum members who were glad I said what I did because they have either directly or indirectly been threatened by him. And yes, that was the word each used... threat.
I do have compassion.
Some of the posts after his departure are sweet and are a testament to the wonderful nature of the posters and a testament as well of how the sweet side of Vector has impressed them.
Still though. I stand by what I said. Enough is enough, pstd or whatever else or not.



don't think CLV should have been banned (if that's why he's no longer on line?) but I do think he should have been warned that this behaviour is not acceptable. I agree with Walts, CLV should wait 24 hours when he's dysregulated, as I've mentioned in previous threads, I also think he should be taking some of these threads to his therapist so that s/he can see how CLV interacts with others.


The short ban or a warning is a great idea! When he first insulted that is, but these options don't exist here in the forums...........................anymore, .......unfortunately :(


About doctors and pstd.
I suspected they are somewhat trained and become desensitized so I asked a close friend of mine who is one to confirm my thoughts. He is currently working towards to becoming a pediatric surgeon, was a nurse first. Medicine has been part of his life since high school. He says (and I quote)....first starting off with a joke that is actually quite true.

"Most Drs deal with that by drinking or heavy smoking. lol
If you're talking about how Drs deal with traumatic situations in their job, they don't really, at least not indirectly. They just turn to the easiest fix. Drs are the last one to seek help. They all think they know more than their colleagues.
You're taught that stress and traumatic experiences are part of the job and has to be your temperament. .... if they are not dealing with it well or can't "hack it" .. they quit medicine. And after you've seen death over and over and you've seen awful things alot... most kinda get numb to it. The ones that start over drinking and using pills.. their PTSD or current stress will end their career anyway. I personally know of not one Dr. seeking counselling or help from another Dr. I've never heard one admit they have a problem. The ones I've heard rumors about, they all quit the profession."

He also wants to put it out there that PSTD rarely makes a person violent or mouthy.


I believe someone else in this thread made the same comment???
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 116
ADHD, Dyslexia and PTSD How to Deal with Someone Like This When Dating?
Posted: 4/3/2015 3:45:04 PM
Seriously Vicki???
Seriously?



How old are you?




Do you also throw books at blind people and demand they read?



No... I throw books at deaf people and demand they look at me to lipread what I say. *rolls eyes* wtf?
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 117
view profile
History
ADHD, Dyslexia and PTSD How to Deal with Someone Like This When Dating?
Posted: 4/3/2015 3:56:34 PM

"Most Drs deal with that by drinking or heavy smoking. lol
If you're talking about how Drs deal with traumatic situations in their job, they don't really, at least not indirectly. They just turn to the easiest fix. Drs are the last one to seek help. They all think they know more than their colleagues.
You're taught that stress and traumatic experiences are part of the job and has to be your temperament. .... if they are not dealing with it well or can't "hack it" .. they quit medicine. And after you've seen death over and over and you've seen awful things alot... most kinda get numb to it. The ones that start over drinking and using pills.. their PTSD or current stress will end their career anyway. I personally know of not one Dr. seeking counselling or help from another Dr. I've never heard one admit they have a problem. The ones I've heard rumors about, they all quit the profession."


You could have replaced Dr. with cops. But cops CAN'T seek help because it would be career ending. Alcoholism..no problem they send you to the farm for 30 days since it is seen as a disease but pysch conditions are unacceptable because they don't want guys with guns out there so it becomes a witch hunt. So we hide our craziness so to speak because they will put you on desk duty and sick leaver and section you off with a smaller non related to duty pension(as oppose to the fruitful line of duty one).
What is sad is that thousands have come down with PTSD after sept 11. Apparently seeing a great amount of death in a short time frame causes more damage than accumulation over 20 years. So what did they do?
They blocked everyone from going out for pysch trauma after 2 were pensioned off. Now for lack of a better word, the streets are full of armed nutcases! And they have rats all over the place. I know a guy who got jammed up because he told his buddy in the locker room he was 'stressed out'.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 118
ADHD, Dyslexia and PTSD How to Deal with Someone Like This When Dating?
Posted: 4/3/2015 4:57:45 PM

Yet, and here's the question. I've met plenty of doctors that have seen combat and treated patients bleeding all over the place. I've known doctors that worked in ERs and saw shattered bones, intense blood, dismemberment and death.

Yet hardly ever, do I hear of them talking about PTSD. Why? Are they immune to it? Do they just keep it inside and not talk about it? Or something else. Your thoughts?


In college, you're cutting people open and digging around in human bodies to learn what's going on in there. You have to learn about physical trauma, and you're seeing pictures of things that are really disturbing... A lot of people to work in an ER, depending on the school they went to and the hospital they're trying to work at, might have to spend some time as a paramedic doing first aid on people who just got dug out of a car wreck... For the rest, there's videos and training on a lot of emergency first aid, cutting someone's neck open so they can breathe, closing up an enormous cut in their arm...

The reason you don't hear about that many ER doctors with PTSD is because they're the ones who didn't give up after their anatomy classes, their internships in hospitals and ambulaces. They've already seen it by the time they get there. They're not immune to it, they're just the ones that lasted.

It's so common in the military because it's the exact opposite situation. How many of you have been shot at? How many of you have killed someone? When the most violent thing you've ever been part of growing up is some stupid fight in high school because someone called you gay, suddenly being surrounded by death and having to kill a person is a pretty big deal.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 119
ADHD, Dyslexia and PTSD How to Deal with Someone Like This When Dating?
Posted: 4/4/2015 5:01:21 AM



No... I throw books at deaf people and demand they look at me to lipread what I say. *rolls eyes* wtf?


Really? I hope its a joke, if it is then it shows your very poor taste.



If there ever was an example of not reading and understanding, it's right here Vicki. It may be time to start really reading people's replies and taking it all in. C just threw a smartbum comment at you and you seem to be so caught in replying it went right over your head. Probably higher than a jet plane on cruise control I might add.

Or, it could be just me.

Anyways, I laughed.

In fact, I even snorted.

I usually never snort.
 WhoamI_46
Joined: 3/28/2015
Msg: 120
ADHD, Dyslexia and PTSD How to Deal with Someone Like This When Dating?
Posted: 4/4/2015 6:23:43 AM
I wonder how many of vector's followers actually have met him in real life? Do you know him personally?

Vicki, you can dismiss his behavior or analyze it to death, but who is to know this person actually was who he was?

It seems this world makes a lot of excuses for bad behavior, and finds reasons to justify it, instead of just admitting he was just an *ss.

No one else would have gotten away with what he wrote, why should he? Everyone is free here to write or express opinions without being dogged on just because someone is having a bad day, and can't accept that maybe,,,just maybe not everyone agrees with what he has written. He is not a god, he is a human being and forgot to act like one.

Charmin... funniest thing I read first thing in the morning!
 Strawberry_Jello
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 121
view profile
History
ADHD, Dyslexia and PTSD How to Deal with Someone Like This When Dating?
Posted: 4/4/2015 8:18:02 AM
Well I thought the way he responded to me was over the top. And that was pretty much ignored. I shouldn't let it bother me, but I do feel less inclined to participate here after that. He's not the only one in psychic pain, you never know when mean comments might push someone over the edge.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 122
ADHD, Dyslexia and PTSD How to Deal with Someone Like This When Dating?
Posted: 4/4/2015 9:04:22 AM
^^ Charmin has said several times she is Deaf! Not once or twice, several times.
I always worry that when erratic behaviour is tolerated on line it will spill over to RT with dire consequences.
As the advice I read here often re messaging people - " nothing is real til you meet" I see that offered up countless times, yet on the forums we forget to maybe that some of that to heart
Not saying none of you aren't real btw. Well maybe Eric - he's a little too perfect LOL
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 123
ADHD, Dyslexia and PTSD How to Deal with Someone Like This When Dating?
Posted: 4/4/2015 9:07:37 AM

It didnt go right over my head, who in the hell makes jokes about peoples disabilities????? its extremely bad taste and definately a reflection of the people who do.


Well, for one, it went right over yours, and it looks like more than once. Again, I suggest you start taking in what people actually say around here, instead of worrying about how you reply to what has been posted by others. Your sticking up for one while stepping on another with your words. Maybe you just don't realize it. Or maybe you just don't care?

Now the big question is, who is gonna share the punch line?

It ain't gonna be me.


I got whiskey to think of.
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 124
ADHD, Dyslexia and PTSD How to Deal with Someone Like This When Dating?
Posted: 4/4/2015 9:10:16 AM

who in the hell makes jokes about peoples disabilities????? its extremely bad taste and definately a reflection of the people who do.



OMG!!!!!!! the nerve of me! What the hell was I thinking? I shall burn to a crisp in purgatory.


Anyone have a lighter???
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 125
ADHD, Dyslexia and PTSD How to Deal with Someone Like This When Dating?
Posted: 4/4/2015 9:16:13 AM

Charmin has said several times she is Deaf! Not once or twice, several times.


Oh! And partially blind now too. Don't forget that!
It's why I always miss my target when throwing books.
Ain't that a sweet kick in the ass? ;)
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > ADHD, Dyslexia and PTSD How to Deal with Someone Like This When Dating?