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 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 226
Independence VS InterdependancePage 10 of 20    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20)


My end game was always to have a girlfriend.


Interestingly enough, some women are totally turned off by that sentiment.

Like, you've already objectified her as some sort of thing that fulfills a purpose in your life, without considering her own needs and life.

YMMV
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 227
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Independence VS Interdependance
Posted: 5/14/2015 9:27:02 PM
Let's face it...starting to seem like NOBODY can win for losing in the game of love.....
 GattoMonstrosis
Joined: 4/4/2013
Msg: 228
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Independence VS Interdependance
Posted: 5/15/2015 12:16:22 AM

Gatto, we appear to be similar ages and Im guessing we grew up in similar areas. Unless my memory is fuzzy I thought that is how it worked when we were younger. Men appeared much more respectful towards women and sex was treated with much more respect. You knew women had feelings and men (decent men) didnt mess around with a womans heart strings to get sex? Well some did but they were not thought of very highly.


I don't mess with heart strings to get sex, i won't say i haven't made bad decisions sometimes when i haven't properly understood someones vulnerability but i don't push sex because i hate feeling like i'm forcing myself on anyone, it messes with my head in a major way. If she doesn't come right out and say that she wants sex then we just continue to have a nice time, i don't immediately disappear because i'm not getting laid, or threaten to, and i don't have sex just because it's on offer, i have to like the woman and think that it could go somewhere otherwise it just doesn't work. What i was talking about there was when you are dating someone and you have sex because you like each other that much but then the relationship doesn't work out for whatever reason and it's like "But we had sex!!!" like the relationship was bought and paid for with it.


Is that them thinking that or is that your own self worth/self esteem thats doing that?


It's me thinking that if they are deliberately playing games with my head, for whatever reason, then they really don't think much of me as a person, more as a monopoly board.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 229
Independence VS Interdependance
Posted: 5/15/2015 4:09:08 AM

Let's face it...starting to seem like NOBODY can win for losing in the game of love.....


Maybe because people have decided to make it a "game" which includes a shiat load of phucked up rules.


I hate rules, phucked up or not.


And I really dislike people who find a need to follow every one of em, made up or not.
 benartflick
Joined: 3/8/2012
Msg: 230
Independence VS Interdependance
Posted: 5/15/2015 6:42:43 AM
Dee wrote:

NOBODY can win for losing in the game of love.....


Plenty do - here in the USA and all over the world. Perhaps NOT in Canada. Must be the bad climate. Think about moving south.

Over a long lifetime I only recall encountering one woman much like the women here from Canada - my mother-in-law. Her being from northern Maine probably had something to do with her demeanor. My guess she's in an extremely hot place now.

Canada women: bitter, argumentative.

Behold kj521. Notice her personal charm, wit and ability to communicate in a non-hostile manner.

And her reading comprehension is excellent. Could be the education system in Canada might be lacking a bit.
 Whistle_Stop
Joined: 4/9/2015
Msg: 231
Independence VS Interdependance
Posted: 5/15/2015 7:13:44 AM
@Benbrainfart
What a moron!!!
Us Canadian women would never say All men from your country are nasty and rude to women of a different country because it just isn't true....perhaps "you" need to go back to the 5th grade.
You're like Demidar....can't figure out why certain women can't agree with your stupid statements or insults....Canadian or otherwise.

Edit in to InnerGorilla...
Your lady is gorgeous....You're both lucky people to have found each other.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 232
Independence VS Interdependance
Posted: 5/15/2015 7:20:21 AM

You're like Demidar....can't figure out why certain women can't agree with your stupid statements....Canadian or otherwise.


Aren't we supposed to blame everything in Canada?

My best female friend is from Canada. She is vicious. She is attractive, successful, warm hearted and dare I say fun. Oh, yeah she's vicious, she can run a mile faster than me. Sucks.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 233
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Independence VS Interdependance
Posted: 5/15/2015 7:29:51 AM

Canada women: bitter, argumentative


Ah yes, yet another man attacking women because they are just NOT being 'womanly' enough...LOL

Get a grip...

As far as our educational system, well I'm going to type slowly so that you can understand considering that the U.S, has consistently placed in the lower 36% of rankings of educational systems world wide....

Us "poor unfortunates" here in Canada are only 7th in the WORLD after all...

Careful there my friend, your ignorance is showing bright and clear.....

LMAO

Too bad some men have such a difficult time accepting that women are not obligated to take their crap anymore without defending themselves and that the laws are also changing towards that same goal, slowly but surely....

I understand how difficult it must be to be a dinosaur in 2015....and I feel for you....Unfortunately as with the REAL dinosaurs 65 million years ago, you also, will soon be extinct, through old age and the natural course of Life....

Seeing as all you can contribute are narrow-minded and ignorant generalizations, I'm thinking that the loss of you and your ilk, will not be a great one to humanity as a whole....

Have a nice day.....
 GattoMonstrosis
Joined: 4/4/2013
Msg: 234
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Independence VS Interdependance
Posted: 5/15/2015 7:30:06 AM

^^^^thats how my ex was and from my memory that is how men were. You had sex because you both liked each other and you were both hoping it would go somewhere.


Well when you're sixteen all you're thinking is "Wow!!! Sex!!! I can have this every day?!?" The agendas creep in slowly and completely reasonably, an argument you can't even remember the cause of here, a boyfriend/girlfriend who shagged everything with a pulse in Ibiza there, and then after a few years you wake up one morning and it's a committed position.



This is fine, as long as you both gave it your best shot but it never happened then no, she cant just say 'but we had sex'.


That's the thing, a lot of people of both sexes have a hard time admitting that it WAS given their best shot and still didn't work out, like failure isn't an option, almost like it's a personal attack, someone has to be at fault so it's easier to say it didn't work because the other person was evil incarnate.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 235
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Independence VS Interdependance
Posted: 5/15/2015 8:07:36 AM

Maybe because people have decided to make it a "game" which includes a shiat load of phucked up rules.


100% on board with you there Walts....I, personally was astonished and more than a little confused when I came back to the forums after several years and discovered that apparently there are all of these new "rules" that I'm supposed to be following....

It was disheartening to say the least.....

But then I realized that, like any 'game', I can refuse to play ...which is MY choice....

I'm looking for a friend and a lover and a partner in Life, NOT a competitor....


No not at all Dee, by the sounds of it, I would guess there was more feelings than either wanted to admit too.


Ahhh Vicki...I am a good person....I care about others....so if by 'feelings' that's what you are talking about, then yes....
If however you are saying that we had some kind of undisclosed feelings, and let's not forget that this is not with just one person over the years, or even unacknowledged feelings for each other....then , no...there wasn't....

Did I care about them in a general sort of way as a human being? Of course....
Was there an attraction? Of course!
Could I have seen it going further, were circumstances different? For 1 or 2, yes...and no for the others....(And NO, am NOT going to be quoting numbers, here! LOL)
Also, there WERE exes as well in there, as it is just easier to have that type of dynamic with an ex, if, as with me, you have left those relationships on good terms....

I get that this is a difficult concept to reconcile for some folks as they are just not 'built' the same way, I do....But for me, it has been as a result partially of my upbringing and partially due to much of the training and several of the jobs that I have done over the years, that I have developed an ability to detach from certain things at will, and/or compartmentalize my feelings....

You just can't be in a dangerous situation or even work closely with people on an interpersonal level, without that ability ime.... People who are reactive and/or too emotionally involved in say, a prison setting, or dealing with emotionally troubled people, are setting themselves up for a 'fall' and are potentially dangerous to work with....
I know, as I have come very close to suffering the consequences of a situation in which an escalation that could have EASILY been prevented, almost went south due to a co-worker taking offense and reacting badly, on more than one occasion....

In certain crisis situations, having the ability to detach is paramount to being effective at your job....

I just also have the ability to do that in personal situations as well....


Not judge so much, but I think it should be questioned. It also depends on how influencial it all is to others around it.


Not quite sure how what I, or anyone else does sexually has any 'influence' to anyone else...?


Hmmm? for me, a young woman maybe even an older one depending on the circumstances, who regularly engaged in ONS, FB and FWB I would class as a damaging behaviour. I believe it will impact on her self esteem and I believe its an indication that she has a low sense of worth. The thing is, I would also think the same for a man. Now Im not saying NEVER let it happen, nor am I saying that there arent periods in a lifetime where they are useful but 'regular'??? No. That is not said out of judgement that is said out of concern.


Ok...the thing is that what I understand from your post is that there is some kind of...I don't know, miscommunication? Misinterpretation? Not sure what it is exactly, but the point I have made several times now is that this is NOT A LIFESTYLE....

LOL

Questioning myself about how I choose to have my needs met when I have NO issue with it, also seems a bit...unnecessary....

If someone is incapable of having a relationship of some kind, or is out there and can ONLY have ONS, or casual sex...then yes, most likely there IS an issue....
Could be many things, but I DO agree with that....

What I don't agree with is qualifying ALL ONS or casual encounters as some sort of pathology that is deviant or unnatural...

I'm not talking in black and white, here, and it kind of seems like you are....
This isn't an 'either/or' type situation...As in, I ONLY have casual sex, or that is my 'preferred' form of interacting with men, or anything like that...

Casual sex for me, is something that I do because I am NOT willing to pretend to feelings I don't have, or to wanting a relationship that I am not in a position to have at that moment, but still want to get my sexual/physical needs met....nothing more, nothing less....

Given my druthers....well, of course I would choose otherwise....As I most certainly DO value myself and my body and desire to be with a man who does so, as well....Which also factors into who I may choose to have that casual sex with, believe it or not....

Hope that clarifies things a bit....
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 236
Independence VS Interdependance
Posted: 5/15/2015 8:11:31 AM

Casual sex for me, is something that I do because I am NOT willing to pretend to feelings I don't have, or to wanting a relationship that I am not in a position to have at that moment, but still want to get my sexual/physical needs met....nothing more, nothing less....


Wow, Dee. Bravo for your stand. Bravo for your statements.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 237
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Independence VS Interdependance
Posted: 5/15/2015 8:19:08 AM

That's the thing, a lot of people of both sexes have a hard time admitting that it WAS given their best shot and still didn't work out, like failure isn't an option, almost like it's a personal attack, someone has to be at fault so it's easier to say it didn't work because the other person was evil incarnate.


Brilliant!!! 100%

Although it DOES happen, most people are doing the best that they can, with where they are at that point in time....

First thing I do when leaving a relationship, is to look at MY side of it....
Pointing fingers at them is NOT going to help me get through the grieving process, well, I DO usually allow myself to write out a loooooonnnng and really MEAN diatribe whenever I need to, that I DON'T send to them, but that, also, is part of grieving....

Demonizing an ex is also not going to help me to move forward or improve my own relationship skills, or give me any insight into what I did wrong....

That's how I see it, any way....

Thanks IG...Your lady is lovely btw..... :-)
 benartflick
Joined: 3/8/2012
Msg: 238
Independence VS Interdependance
Posted: 5/15/2015 8:30:55 AM
My response to Dee:

My mistake! I was referring to just the ones here - about 6 - but I suspect multiple accounts - maybe just 2 or 3. Don't know! Only suspect!

There might have been some civilized posting by women members from Canada. Sorry, I never noticed any. Mostly bitter mindless attacks. As if you all hate men.

"another man attacking women because they are just NOT being 'womanly' enough.."

Being well-mannered is not a woman thing. It's a human thing. And I attacked you because of your attacks on another member in this thread, and, mostly, your attacks on me last year for no reason. The way you twisted my words around pissed me off. Gotta be hatred. We never had any correspondence. Ya can't possibly be that stupid.


"your ignorance is showing bright and clear"

Other than the revenge factor, I was giving you some good advice.

"accepting that women are not obligated to take their crap"

Is that a Canadian problem for women? Obligated? Really? Do men in Canada believe that? I don't! And I don't know ANY men or women that believe that here in the USA.

"a dinosaur in 2015....and I feel for you"

Like most male dinosaurs my age - I have it made. Life is good except for the loss of my two true loves. Reminiscing about the great times I had with them makes me happy. They were great. I was very fortunate. Their deaths sadden me a great deal - everyday. So far the deaths of many friends and love ones is a major drawback of being a dinosaur. That and the constant disrespect and bullshit written about old men on the board here. Do you people really believe most of that hogwash?

What's written about some men in Canada and Washington state is hard to believe.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 239
Independence VS Interdependance
Posted: 5/15/2015 8:40:42 AM

What's written about some men in Canada and Washington state is hard to believe.


It's pop corn time. Too bad, for the weekend is here and I avoid the forums in the weekends spending time with my fictitious gf.
 benartflick
Joined: 3/8/2012
Msg: 240
Independence VS Interdependance
Posted: 5/15/2015 8:50:06 AM

It's pop corn time. Too bad, for the weekend is here and I avoid the forums in the weekends spending time with my fictitious gf.


It is funny that you have 'writer' as your profession. Is that deliberate to get laughs?
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 241
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Independence VS Interdependance
Posted: 5/15/2015 9:02:52 AM

Being well-mannered is not a woman thing. It's a human thing. And I attacked you because of your attacks on another member in this thread, and, mostly, your attacks on me last year for no reason. The way you twisted my words around pissed me off. Gotta be hatred. We never had any correspondence. Ya can't possibly be that stupid.


As for the other poster on this thread...that is a matter between him and I...But if you're so interested in it insofar as to judge me on it, then it would behoove you to actually get the facts and the back story....I also gave him the option of contacting me directly to try and find some sort of resolution to the fact that he has posted quite a few times about an issue, in a passive/aggressive, sideways kinda way, never, of course using direct references , in order to maintain plausible deniability. It was to the point that he was actually told to cut it out by another poster, who didn't even know what had originally occurred, but saw through his BS....
He also resorted to some pretty severe verbal abuse, when it was totally unwarranted, and has since been trying to project that onto me in some twisted way...I found it pretty interesting that most people never said a WORD to HIM about that behaviour when it was directed towards ME.....

Somehow, I really don't think that you're interested in that, though, my sense is that judgment without information is what you prefer....and you are already using the same type of language, so I'm assuming your either buddies, or simply cut from the same cloth that allows you to believe that calling people names in some way validates your argument...

Reality check...it doesn't...Only displays your own inability to communicate effectively....

As far as me 'attacking you' at some point, well sorry, I don't remember that. Some people do take my style of writing in such a way that I am realizing that it may come across as somewhat abrasive, lacking tone of voice, and visual cues....and I am trying to be conscious of that, but am not always successful....
I am also quite passionate about certain subjects and make NO apologies, EVER for defending myself or my POV, unless I have behaved in a manner that isn't in line with my own values....
As for twisting you words, well, again, no recollection .....

I don't verbally abuse others and am very polite with everyone that I deal with, and as far as "hating you"....Frankly, I don't "hate" anyone and certainly NOT somebody that I have no interest in knowing....Far too much energy for that foolishness....
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 242
Independence Day
Posted: 5/15/2015 9:41:21 AM
"It is funny that you have 'writer' as your profession. Is that deliberate to get laughs? "

>>>naw, his profession used to be "Canadian woman", but he was concerned some well mannered person might pull some jokey insult from out of nowhere for it. At least as "Writer", apparently he's free from someone coming out of nowhere at him.

well, unless he insulted some dude five years ago, maybe that fellow might retain a grudge all this time. naw, that would be kinda weird, huh? Everyone around here loves me dearly, so I can't imagine people around here attacking each other. maybe on other websites. but here I just can't imagine old men being bitter, and women commenting on it. that would just be ironic. or maybe Canadian? :)
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 243
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Independence Day
Posted: 5/15/2015 9:50:06 AM
@gto...Sometimes man...you REALLY slay me...

lmao
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 244
Independence Day
Posted: 5/15/2015 10:01:22 AM
I slay to please.

it must be my sense of humor. women love it, I guess it never freaks them out. some guys have that issue.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 245
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Independence Day
Posted: 5/15/2015 10:04:43 AM
Nah...it's an intelligent sense of humour...Sort of like the difference between George Carlin and Dane cook.....lol

While fart jokes have their place, being truly witty requires an agile mind....Which I can appreciate.....as I think most people do...

Although that doesn't explain why ANYONE likes Dane Cook.....lmao

Does anyone still like him???? LOL
 newoldgirl
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 246
Independence VS Interdependance
Posted: 5/15/2015 10:15:31 AM

And I attacked you because of your attacks on another member in this thread,


Damn, I missed the attack! Who was she attacking? I saw an exchange of ideas. People can disagree, ya know! And the person she was disagreeing with isn't exactly innocent and defenseless anyway.


The way you twisted my words around pissed me off.


So, she argued with you? Well, if your previous posting style was like your current one (full of stereotypes about a country or education system about which you clearly know nothing) then I can see why she would do that.


Gotta be hatred. We never had any correspondence. Ya can't possibly be that stupid.


That is called an ad hominem attack. You see, that means when you can't think of a good, logical argument, you attack the person. Like when a five year old can't beat his big brother in an argument, so he calls him a big poopy-head.

I thought you said you valued good manners. Calling someone stupid is not very polite :(
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 247
Independence VS Interdependance
Posted: 5/15/2015 10:50:01 AM

It is funny that you have 'writer' as your profession. Is that deliberate to get laughs?


Cute way to try to insult.

Not worth my spit or my words.
 benartflick
Joined: 3/8/2012
Msg: 248
Independence VS Interdependance
Posted: 5/15/2015 10:59:24 AM
GTO

I DID find it kinda humorous that he had writer as his profession. I understand why you wouldn't. But I DON'T comprehend why you think a bird crapping on your dates shoulder is funny.

Based on your postings, it's somewhat comical you have 'Intellectual' and 'Bachelors degree' in your bio.

I put some college in my bio. I'm an honest guy. I attended 4 colleges in the New London and Norwich areas. Did you attend any of those?

Only because you're aware of the Gallery I believe you're from CT. You do write a bit like one of the girls from Canada.

I'll be at Foxwoods in a couple of months - for the summer. Come on down and I'll demonstrate how easy it is to make the ladies laugh. No bullshit. I'll bet on it.
In person I can be a likeable, charming guy. I'm a good actor! I NEVER struck out at the Gallery. I didn't think that was possible for any man. What happened? Did that great place change that much?
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 249
Independence VS Interdependance
Posted: 5/15/2015 11:00:05 AM
Ok, so Ill just go do it with who ever, when ever.
------------------------
False dichotomy. There are more options than not having sex and having sex with anyone.

---------------------
Respect??? I dont think so. It says the dead opposite IMO.

--------------------
Again, if that is what you need for respect, you are just broadcasting that your net worth is dependent on whether or not you have sex that doesn't end in a relationship. Most of us have more going for us than that and having sex with someone we want to have sex with doesn't cost us any respect, much less self respect. Finally, anyone whose concept of sex has to involve candles and all the rest of those trappings, is going to be really boring. Those things are nice when that mood strikes, but sometimes, sex is just sex and a woman who can't think that way is really limited.
 benartflick
Joined: 3/8/2012
Msg: 250
Independence VS Interdependance
Posted: 5/15/2015 11:02:08 AM

Cute way to try to insult.


Sorry, I guess you weren't kidding.
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