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 Theophannia
Joined: 1/19/2014
Msg: 276
Independence VS InterdependancePage 12 of 20    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20)
lol I read only the first post. With what I saw of the ones before me I do not want to know where this conversation went.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 277
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Independence VS Interdependance
Posted: 5/17/2015 5:38:40 AM
@Theophannia....

I almost had no idea what you were talking about!!! LMAO

And I'm the one who started this thread!!!! LOL

Don't blame you for staying out, but, no worries, it's just a discussion, we don't bite.....Well, maybe a LITTLE!!! lmfao ;-)

What you describe in your relationship is what I, too, have struggled with over the years....and have also been fortunate enough to run across a few men who have helped me to learn how to be more vulnerable as well....I think, for myself, it was never really about THEM, so much as just what I was used to doing....due to the way that I lived and where I came from, which was not a healthy place....
Once I saw that not all people were untrustworthy, well, I learned how to be less 'anti-dependant ' and more interdependant....It's been a long process that has taken me a long time to change that dynamic...

@ Vicky...it seems that we agree more than we disagree....so I think it's more about perspective....than anything else....

As far as porn, well, again, if that's what a woman wants to engage in, she should be free to do so, imo...young, or 'barely of the age of majority' or not....

Things like 'revenge porn' etc. are, again, NOT what I am talking about....

Let's face it, one thing I've discovered in my own, personal experience, is just how sh!tty people can be, at times....
To me what THAT is about IS criminal, in that the sole purpose is to degrade another human being and that is so FAR from the experience of casual sex with another consenting adult....it's like night and day....

What I see here is that there is a tendency to lump casual, consenting sex between two adults with things that truly ARE exploitive or not the 'healthiest' way to go about earning a living and/or those women AND men who are engaging in it for reasons other than what they are 'presenting'....

@Piano....I thank you for your kind words ;-)

I am going to say that I don't necessarily disagree with you,...BUT....

I grew up here in Montreal and what we have is an interesting...situation as far as prostitution goes....
My province has criminalized prostitution many moons ago, with one important difference....
We have escort services, which are a 'cover' for our sex workers....and ARE legal...It's an important 'loophole' in the law that affords the women protection and an equitable arrangement should they want to choose to have sex for money....
They AREN'T walking the streets, although we DO have some of those as well, they are in the minority, they are required to have regular check ups and testing for STD's and produce the results, and they are making on average 60-80% of what they earn, while giving the rest to the 'house' for advertising, protection, and the cost of doing business....

I actually didn't even know that there were other women NOT doing it that way until I was a teenager and read the book Christiane F.....

Now the other part of that is that when I began working in counseling and social services I had many enlightening experiences and learned a LOT specifically from women who were in the sex trade....

One of the 'rules' if you will of being a good counselor when dealing with these women, or any client for that matter, in any way is to engage in the basic tenet of therapy, which is to give your client an environment that is ONLY one of unconditional positive regard....
For myself that translates to accepting that what they say IS the 'truth' as they know it, and that EVERY person is an 'expert' on their OWN feelings and motivations....and if change is to occur in their lives, it is vitally necessary to understand rather than judge or attempt to 'enlighten' a person to the error of their ways....That comes later! LOL

In all seriousness, I have spoken to women and men over the years and one of the MOST effective ways of ensuring that you will not effect positive changes in your client's lives is to invalidate their feelings or assume that YOU yourself, as their counselor know them better than they know themselves....

I once ran a group for women who were potentially at risk, specifically sex trade workers, for exploitation out of a women's center for a couple of years....
Having a background in Psychology, I had been taught that ALL people engaging in behaviours such as stripping or prostitution or porn are doing so out that "acting out' place that you described. Childhood molestation or abuse, is always the first place that is considered and sometimes there was some digging involved to get the client to see, acknowledge and accept that was at the root of it....

I can honestly say that, with no real surprise, that about 80% of the time that DID prove to be the case....However, there WAS that rather large and hard to ignore 20% or so, who , try as I might, indicated in NO way, nor presented with ANY of the other indicators for ANY history of abuse, WHATSOEVER.....

It was inexplicable to me, considering that has always been one of the cornerstones of a widely held and more often than not, pretty accurate belief system that says that childhood sexual/physical abuse in women, always and forever will lead to some kind of deviant or self-destructive behaviour in adulthood...
I was so intrigued by those observations that I researched it on my own for the time I was there and then turned it into a paper that was quite controversial at school....

Fortunately I had a professor that was very open-minded who was equally interested in what I had discovered and took a personal interest in the study. I say that because, although by that point I had already taken several courses in Research methods, I lacked the experience to be completely confident in what the information was telling me. My professor actually sat in on several sessions and carefully reviewed the findings again and could find no flaws. We had to accept that there was a LARGE percentage of strippers, escorts, etc. out there who appeared to be decent tax-paying, law-abiding citizens, NOT drug addicts, and had zero history of any kind of sexual or physical, or even emotional and/or psychological abuse.

Many scored quite high on various intelligence tests, we used them back then, and what I heard from that group was a wide variety of reasons why they chose to do what they did. Those reasons ranged from not wanting to work their whole lives, to the cliché "putting themselves through school", to "I like sex...so isn't everybody always saying that you should do what you love"?? (Swear to God!), to my 'outliers' who had kids and felt that type of work afforded them the maximum amount of $$$ for the least amount of time and , um, 'labour'.... a couple had kids with special needs, etc.

My point is that not ONE person in that 20% had any behaviourial indicators that they were in the LEAST bit uncomfortable with their chosen 'professions', nor had they been 'victims' of society or their childhoods in any significant way....

Believe me when I say we went over those findings with a fine-toothed comb, my professor and I, as we were BOTH Feminists and just couldn't quite grasp that any woman would WANT to do that type of work voluntarily, so to speak...

Now did I go on to publish it and turn the psych world on it's tail? No. Funnily enough, my professor actually put out feelers to see if we could get a research grant into further studies of the 'phenomenon', but unfortunately, there was little to no interest...Basically nobody gave a rat's ass WHY women were ok with stripping or fvcking strangers for money...

Understandable I guess....The Feminist movement was not interested in any deviations in it's own agenda of loudly proclaiming that ALL women were being exploited in these areas, and society doesn't care because the 20% that AREN'T drug addicts, and costing society money in health care, ie. rehab, abortions as birth control, std's, etc, are also not the 'problem'.....

But I still think it would have been interesting to explore further....Maybe one day that will be my thesis proposal....
 Siennarh
Joined: 5/1/2015
Msg: 278
Independence VS Interdependance
Posted: 5/17/2015 5:53:27 AM
I don't know what the commotion about prostitution is honestly.
If they enjoy doing it and want to do it, it's no skin off my nose. As long as it's not causing harm
to other people.
 tgif333
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 279
Independence VS Interdependance
Posted: 5/17/2015 6:07:22 AM

If they enjoy doing it and want to do it, it's no skin off my nose.


no skin off my nose??

you're way too young to know that expression!

it's like "a stitch in time saves nine!" few people sew their socks anymore.

where did you learn that Mz. Sienna???
 Siennarh
Joined: 5/1/2015
Msg: 280
Independence VS Interdependance
Posted: 5/17/2015 6:20:44 AM

where did you learn that Mz. Sienna???

Hey Tgif :D
UM I think someone said it in GS. Not sure lol.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 281
Independence VS Interdependance
Posted: 5/17/2015 6:41:29 AM
while for some busybodies in politics, sex may be the issue, I think for most, sex isn't the issue in prostitution, its the potential spreading of diseases and the exploitation that turns prostitution into a vice to be cracked down on.
 newoldgirl
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 282
Independence VS Interdependance
Posted: 5/17/2015 6:58:58 AM

For myself that translates to accepting that what they say IS the 'truth' as they know it, and that EVERY person is an 'expert' on their OWN feelings and motivations....

In all seriousness, I have spoken to women and men over the years and one of the MOST effective ways of ensuring that you will not effect positive changes in your client's lives is to invalidate their feelings or assume that YOU yourself, as their counselor know them better than they know themselves....


This just sounds like a good way to interact with people, generally.

Nobody wan to hear "Oh, you do (blank)....you must be (blank).
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 283
Independence VS Interdependance
Posted: 5/17/2015 9:58:02 AM
^^^Was it a proven fact along with criminal charges and convictions that those escorts were involved in the breaking in of cars?
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 284
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Independence VS Interdependance
Posted: 5/17/2015 10:26:32 AM

while for some busybodies in politics, sex may be the issue, I think for most, sex isn't the issue in prostitution, its the potential spreading of diseases and the exploitation that turns prostitution into a vice to be cracked down on.


I agree(and this is coming from LEO view). Some of the most civilized societies(ex. Germany) make it work and the exploitation mostly comes from the fact that it is illegal and unregulated, as well as the dangers. Oldest profession isn't going anywhere.

But most of the crack downs tend to be for political(religious in some areas) reasons. For example they cleaned up 42 nd st and sold it to Disney. The idea was to get rid of the street walkers. That is what most clean up is about( i knew a girl recruited into operation :losing proposition).

The gov't cares about street walkers NOT escorts. Escorts usually are clean and get driven in luxury cars so the community wouldn't even know!

Now cat houses are a whole different matter. They often operate in buildings in rent stabilized ap'ts and are hard to close down because of tenants rights being so strong. Cops can't really get in there either.

Apparently, I grew up next to one on my block(probably dozens in my area). It is ironic because the one next to me was run by a women who had a little boy who we all thought was obnoxious and we dislike him. Years later I was fixed outside a club in Brighton Beach(summer Coney island detail= LOTS OF GIRLS ;)) He comes up to me and invited me into the club saying he remembers me and that his mother is having her wedding party in the club. She married the club owner it seems(mafia guy probably). So I guess dreams do come true!
 GattoMonstrosis
Joined: 4/4/2013
Msg: 285
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Posted: 5/17/2015 2:28:36 PM

Pretty big industry really, if you know what your doing I guess you could make a fortune.


And if you go the phone sex route you don't even have to sleep with anyone, a friend from up north with three kids and a lazy husband used to make a fair bit at it until she divorced the husband and moved in with a bloke who didn't sit around on the Xbox all day.
 GattoMonstrosis
Joined: 4/4/2013
Msg: 286
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Posted: 5/17/2015 2:35:08 PM

But I still think it would have been interesting to explore further....Maybe one day that will be my thesis proposal....


That would be quite a read, the agendas can't keep everyone in the dark forever.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 287
Independence VS Interdependance
Posted: 5/17/2015 9:49:15 PM
Wow, this thread lit up in activity!

Yes I guess thats what I mean. Things like, how did their relationships end, how long did they last, how do they get on with family, have they got good friends ect. But you cant just blast someone out with questions so you kind of drop it into the conversation as you go along.

Yeah, I know. No, there's nothing wrong with that. That's not "testing" someone, in the sense of testing their will, etc. But if you do too much of that on a 1st date, guy or girl, they'll be more apt to fib/exaggerate, so don't necessarily get flabbergasted if you end up dating them and find out there's some exaggerations. But that's a whole different story. Anyway, no, that's not playing games asking them questions, even if they're on the side of too much / too soon. You should have just said that outright in the beginning when I gave examples. Why not? You should have just said "No, I don't bait anyone giving them a False impression in hopes to squeeze bad stuff out of them."

So how do men view sex????? cos Im just not understanding it?

There's not a universal "view", nor is "men are conditioned to think that sex is just sex and is meaningless and should be given to men when they want it", as you proposed. If [all] men did see sex that way, then you wouldn't have to question them about anything. That "universal law" so to speak would answer it - lol. Good news is, that's not true (well, good news if they're not pissed at a guy). There is no set way for men. How a particular guy views sex depends on the with WHO, the circumstances, who he is, his past experiences, who he is, etc. One would have to be a really damaged individual to think that's some universal law, and only hurting themselves.

ps, I have never dumped a man after sex

Really? So a woman should Always keep seeing with a guy now matter how he is because they had sex (and vice versa)? Hogwash.

Sally: "Yeah, he talks about how he travels 2-3 weeks out of the month, never speaks to his mother or kids, was getting a little too angry too quickly, seems to be lying about stuff... it's frustrating."
Betty: "Oh wow. Yeah, drama. Not a good catch. You're not going out on another date with him are you?"
Sally: "Well, yeah. I had sex with him. I always have to keep seeing him."

When you have sex early, you shouldn't let that get in the way of things -- including forced "compatibility".

So yes, if he has sex then leaves he is a player. He must of known he wasnt feeling it before the sex so why have the sex.

That's a juvenile view of it. First, in the realm of pre-dating -- the first handful or so of dates -- there's nothing to "leave". You're not an item, so that's too strong a word. Second, the unfortunate anti-male view is that if he seems to have lost interest after a date but they didn't have sex, he left because there wasn't any sex. If he seems to have lost interest after a date because they Did have sex, he left because he got the sex.

People can be caught in the moment and feel for them, sure (especially with alcohol). When you have sex early, there's plenty of reasons why one may not be interested in another date right after it or another date after the one after. Why? Because it's Early! You're still learning about each other. It doesn't mean they wanted a hit-n-run. So if one has sex early, they do NOT have an automatic Ego-Protecting Excuse that the other person just wanted sex and to run. It COULD be that, sure. It also very well could Not be, either. There's plenty of dates where there's a few drinks, ice breakers, it gets going well, flirting, some kissing in the parking lot goodnight... and he/she loses interest. They have other/better prospects, and/or how much they were into you was amplified by the alcohol.

So yes I guess its a risk, but if you go back to my point on how it used to be understood between adults then its not really a risk because the man wouldnt be initiating sex if he didnt want the relationship as well.

People can really like someone, then, be turned off pretty swiftly -- and not necessarily in an angry way. And someone's not a better person because they put sex on a pedestal. Some people put it on the same lines as an 8th-grade-makout-jam-session in a parking lot. It doesn't happen a ton, but it doesn't change things by itself. Usually at this point -- when merely seeing each other -- it's more like good-level interest. People have sex during this period of time. But interest is also lost during this period of time. Which is why a small % of people hold off until they're BF/GF, because they have emotional issues/insecurities about sex & rejection.

If you are dating, having sex then it seems he's not into you then thats fine hes not a player.

Okay, good! :)

a player is someone who gives you the impression he wants a relationship and engages in sex when actually he just wanted sex.

Which goes back to how well one is going to judge that. You realize someone's ego is going to WANT to believe that when the guy lost interest, right? And just like alcohol & being turned on can skew emotions (like, to have sex "too early"), rejection & sex can skew emotions and bias. Something to bear in mind.

If he JUST wanted sex -- just sex, only sex with nothing else really factored in... not company, not a nice date, not what he saw as possibly a decent or good catch -- but purely JUST sex like a sniper in an assassination plot -- then there'd have to be more to your case than going out on some dates at about the time where people very well may lose interest regardless, but sex was had.

Which is fine but why initiate sex? And if she says, yeah Im into you and I want you but its to see where this goes and he agrees then he should drop everything else or say, erm Im not ready for that yet and not have the sex.

From my experience, more often than not there's not some lecture. The few times I've had a "stop the music" to have a brief convo about it -- it's not to sleep with others, because at that point it was "too early". But when it's "too early" to have sex by what mommy tells her kids (but not mommy herself lol) it's also understandably too early to Completely cut off all dating prospects instantly with an exacto-knife. Instead, it's a sleep with one person at one time. Again, for the most part, nothing's said beforehand, but maybe once in a while hinted afterward out of fear of disappearing. Usually when the gal expresses those fears -- it's because ya end up finding out there was a Reason the guys left. :)

I dont and never have initiate sex, generally its men that do. So either dont initiate it, or show enough respect to drop the others, or just go and be with someone who only wants sex.

With me, I don't push for sex if that's what you mean. I'll initiate the kiss, but things tend to flow from there. A typical bring-a-gal-back-home isn't some purely 1-sided thing as if I just bought a new blow-up doll! But bringing a blow-up doll to a restaurant as a date is always enjoyable ("Miss, I think there's something wrong with your wine. She's not drinking it! How am I supposed to get laid?!")

I dont understand this bit?

If things are getting a little steamy & the flow is going really well (again, in the "too early" phase which we're all guilty of) -- and you drop a bombshell to drop all other dating prospects and/or asked about other dating prospects, you're going to be in position for that person to lie/exaggerate about it... and understandably so. Here's an Extreme Example to show you what I mean: Bob & Sally are hitting it off on their 2nd date. They go back to Bob's, and all the sexual tension is being released... they're making out on the couch, clothes are coming off... they make out for 30 minutes half naked, hands roaming everywhere on his hardness and in her wetness as she's flowing like a river. He takes her in his bedroom, lays her on the bed and asks "Do you have a condom?" as he replies "Yes, that's what I'm grabbing right now..." as she plays with herself, rolling her bean as she's begging to get plowed. He starts to put the condom on and THEN she says:

Sally: "Oh, and Bob. You're not going out on dates with anyone right now, right? You'll like, put Not Single / Not Looking on your profile?"
Bob: "Ummm, no, I'm not dating anyone -- and I'll make sure I take care of my profile..."
Sally: "Okay, cool. Pork away!"

He's obviously put in tough spot. He may have a date lined up with a gal or two even though he's not datING anyone in particular, but possibly the beginnings with Sally there. And he very well may not "take care" of his profile that way, as later that night or the next day he may very well realize that'd be too soon.
 GattoMonstrosis
Joined: 4/4/2013
Msg: 288
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Independence VS Interdependance
Posted: 5/17/2015 10:44:16 PM

So yes, if he has sex then leaves he is a player. He must of known he wasnt feeling it before the sex so why have the sex.


Must have known he wasn't feeling it? Not everyone is one hundred percent clear on what they're feeling, He might have felt something and wanted to see how it pans out, Sex can change the way you feel, not always of course, but if you are on the fence about a person it can make you come down on one side of the fence or the other. And of course if you say yes to the sex then he's thinking that you wanted it too.
A lot of this argument seems to be about poor communication of expectations or outright miscommunications.
 xlr8ingme
Joined: 3/16/2015
Msg: 289
Independence VS Interdependance
Posted: 5/17/2015 11:51:15 PM
I guess sexual compatibility doesn't mean a rats a-- either does it? Even when people are "feeling it" doesn't mean a relationship will work in the sack. Compatibility has more than one level. If anyone feels used for sex, they need to figure that out before they hop into the sack. We can only control what we do, not the actions of others.

I for one would never date a man that couldnt give me what I need in bed. I wouldn't expect a man to date me if he was not satisfied either.
 GattoMonstrosis
Joined: 4/4/2013
Msg: 290
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Posted: 5/18/2015 1:49:58 AM
I wanted to say more in my last post but then i looked at the clock and realised i should have been on my way to work. :)

Sometimes even with the best will in the world you just can't win for losing in the dating minefield. If someone knows he's not feeling it in the first ten minutes of a date and doesn't want to see that person again even though she is interested in him then he's a shallow ***hole who isn't giving the other person a chance. If he knows he's not feeling it but gives it a chance and has sex because that's the next step and she seemed to be up for it and he *still* doesn't feel it he's an ***hole for having sex when he's not feeling it. If he knows he's not feeling it, gives it a chance, has sex and the sex is ok so he keeps on giving it a chance because it *might* grow into something if he keeps at it and six months later he's *still* not feeling any different than he did in the first ten minutes and decides that ok sex isn't a good enough reason to be in a relationship with someone then he's an ***hole for 'playing' with the womans emotions for six months when he should have said he wasn't interested in the first ten minutes.
[breathe]
Of course that applies equally well with the genders switched.

And they say moving house is stressful. :)

I don't like to use the term entitlement but a lot of the time on dates that does seem to be the case, the other person feels entitled to a relationship so if they are the least bit interested in you they seem to get two votes to your one, maybe they're someone who has been messed around a lot and think they are due a break, maybe they are Mr Nice Guy who thinks he's what every woman secretly wants in her heart of hearts when she's not being distracted by Mr Prettyboy with six pack abs instead of a keg.
I can remember one date where i almost had to use a crowbar to get a word out of the woman and had no more insight into who she was at the end than i had at the beginning, she might as well not have been there at all, then there was another date with someone else where i couldn't get a word in edgewise and got talked over every time i tried, i finished the date with numb ears thinking that i might as well have not been there, that she wasn't the slightest bit interested in anything i might say in response to her constant litany, yet both still seemed to think that i owed it to them to see them again because they wanted to see me and took offence when things didn't go their way. Hell one woman threatened to sue me for breach of verbal contract because apparently asking someone on a date is a proposal of marriage!!!
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 291
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Independence VS Interdependance
Posted: 5/18/2015 3:45:21 AM
I am going to be 49 years old this month...and I have enough experience with men to know when a man is attempting to 'play me' in an attempt to have sex and when someone is legitimately attracted to ME and wants to see if we are sexually compatible.
Usually I am interested in discovering that as well if I am still there and still interested, and so it is a CHOICE that I, as a grown woman, make....

There are NO 'guarantees' no 'contracts' or promises necessary, just two people exploring further potential compatibility on the road to getting to know each other....period.

I have NEVER assumed that a man has wanted ONLY sex from me, unless he has indicated very clearly that IS what he wants, and by now, I actually CAN tell, what the 'score' is...
At that point I am free to decide to go along or not to go along. Either way that is MY choice, and I take responsibility for that fully and completely, as I do for anything ELSE that I do or say or think...

This isn't the 1950s, we live in a society where the majority of people wouldn't even consider marrying a person that they hadn't 'tried out' sexually, and, let's face it, no too many people 'saving it' for marriage anymore, although we saw how successfully THAT worked out, didn't we??

I think that there are greater risks for women as far as sex goes, and I also think that they have the right to manage those risks in ways that they see fit, but 'pretending' that you've been 'duped' into having sex and being crushed because some guy only wants to have sex with you, is a game for girls, as in young women who haven't learned the difference between someone that wants to use them and someone who doesn't in ANY walk of Life....

As grown women, we have to be responsible for our own choices and feelings and actions, and take care of OURSELVES, rather than look to a man that we barely KNOW to behave in OUR best interest...
Does that happen in ANY other areas in Life past the age of childhood?
Not last I checked....
We are all responsible for taking care of ourselves, and if you are going to make choices, then you are also responsible for those choices....
Do people behave in a sh!tty manner at times and use each other to meet their needs with little respect and/or consideration?
Why yes they do....Welcome to Planet Earth!!!...lol

Better learn how to spot the decent folk from amongst the dreck, or you're going to spend a goodly portion of your Life feeling bad and victimized whether you actually WERE or not....
 GattoMonstrosis
Joined: 4/4/2013
Msg: 292
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Independence VS Interdependance
Posted: 5/18/2015 8:20:46 AM

There are NO 'guarantees' no 'contracts' or promises necessary, just two people exploring further potential compatibility on the road to getting to know each other....period.


Sometimes i think it would help if people worked up a Jerry Maguire type 'Mission Statement' not as a profile because people would run a mile from it, but as an exploration of where they are in their own heads, what they want, what they expect, what they really feel about it all, just like the letters after a breakup, a sort of crystalization that when they read it through brings everything into focus, because if we don't know where we stand on something it's really difficult to get someone else to understand it. :)
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 293
Independence VS Interdependance
Posted: 5/18/2015 8:58:25 AM
someone smart enough to have a plan, will likely meet someone flying by the seat of their ass and think, "wow....not my style at all. not going there." in other words, like minds find each other. now, of course, the one flying by the seat of their ass might be mighty hot, and so the one with the plan might think, "Well...let's not worry about the plan so much, and have some fun."

not making plans in life...IS planning a course. a course for disaster.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 294
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Posted: 5/18/2015 12:30:11 PM

Sometimes i think it would help if people worked up a Jerry Maguire type 'Mission Statement' not as a profile because people would run a mile from it, but as an exploration of where they are in their own heads, what they want, what they expect, what they really feel about it all, just like the letters after a breakup, a sort of crystalization that when they read it through brings everything into focus, because if we don't know where we stand on something it's really difficult to get someone else to understand it. :)


Yup...if you don't know what you want the likelihood of getting it is greatly reduced....

Gatto...sorry about the legal situation, perhaps you might want to check into your gov't prison commissioner or corrections dept. for what the procedure is as opposed to the police dept. or Scotland yard....

I know that here in Canada it is a matter that is taken care of by Corrections Canada which is a branch of the gov't as opposed to any of the actual legal agencies....You aplly for a pardon or an erasure of the record at hand....Might be something similar over there as there tends to still be similarities to Britain in how we do things in Canada ...? Could be worth looking into....

@Piamopetal...Well, as far as escorts go, not gonna say that most are lily white as far as criminal activities go, many do drugs, although aren't necessarily addicts per se, etc. Thing is that a guy who uses escorts is just as likely to use drugs as well and may have had other 'criminal' contacts over at other times for other purposes, etc. Drugs are a big reason that theft happens, although I'm somewhat puzzled as to how they made their way to the garage in the first place...here in Mtl. the 'escort' is normally brought by a car, and the client will meet them at the door in order to pay the fee to the driver, up front, at which point she is then with the client until she leaves....
So really, your neighbour would be the one who is responsible for assuring that she doesn't go wandering around the building on her own....and most men, I've heard, will normally bring her right back downstairs when 'done', and see her off, probably for that very reason....

Actually, most men will take her to or meet her at a motel/hotel, as not many guys want their neighbours to be aware of their activities....Again, the responsibility is on your neighbour....

I have also had someone break into my apt. once who got the info from a cable repair guy, so, no guarantees any way, as to the legitimacy of people's motives and intentions....But I can imagine that would piss me off, too, if my car was broken into.... :-(
 xlr8ingme
Joined: 3/16/2015
Msg: 295
Independence VS Interdependance
Posted: 5/18/2015 10:11:18 PM
At this life juncture an evolving relationship is not the most stressful area of my life; it is the most pleasurable. I think sometimes we all can be guilty through experience, and create strife through over thinking. I do believe y'all are correct when saying we have to know exactly what we want. As I continue to evolve my priorities evolve with me. Spirituality means more to me than intelligence, competence more than a career, and financial responsibility more than assets. Ten years ago I would have frowned upon my last sentence, because of where I was in life. Back on the subject of interdependence, do we allow ourselves enough self love to put enough independence to the side for the sake of a relationship? Becoming "one" with another requires just that (in my opinion). What do we find so important that we cant live without it?
 GattoMonstrosis
Joined: 4/4/2013
Msg: 296
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Independence VS Interdependance
Posted: 5/19/2015 4:39:47 AM

Gatto...sorry about the legal situation, perhaps you might want to check into your gov't prison commissioner or corrections dept. for what the procedure is as opposed to the police dept. or Scotland yard....


I was never charged, only arrested, so it's the particular police station that processed me that has to do the erasure, which means fighting through the beauracracy to get the specific arresting officer to delete it (only the record of arrest, not the fingerprints or DNA, they never erase those once they have them) i spent a fair amount of time online checking it out, i also work with an ex cop who confirmed it, it's just getting them to do it on a case that is still open.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 297
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Independence VS Interdependance
Posted: 5/19/2015 9:14:23 AM
@Gatto...well if you were never charged and the case is till open then I see the problem....

Don;t think anything can be done until it's closed, no?

Ah, too bad....seen this type of thing happen before, unfortunately.....Only solution is to get a lawyer to get on it for you, ime....
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 298
Independence VS Interdependance
Posted: 5/19/2015 1:27:36 PM
There needs to be a third term that describes a balance between independence and interdependence, since being classified as one or the other are instant deal breakers, and sets off alarm bells and air raid sirens. Stubbornness and refusing to compromise are the two biggest obstacles to achieving the balance where both can tolerate each other.
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 299
Independence VS Interdependance
Posted: 5/19/2015 2:31:16 PM
Co-dependence?
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 300
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Independence VS Interdependance
Posted: 5/19/2015 6:18:24 PM
Interdependance IS the term 'between' dependance and independence....as it relates to a primary relationship....

Co-dependance is another term for a dysfunctional kind of dependance.....in a primary relationship.
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