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 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 301
Independence VS InterdependancePage 13 of 20    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20)
There needs to be a third term that describes a balance between independence and interdependence, since being classified as one or the other are instant deal breakers, and sets off alarm bells and air raid sirens. Stubbornness and refusing to compromise are the two biggest obstacles to achieving the balance where both can tolerate each other.
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Teo terms are bad enough. Being independent means not having to tell people anything or having a chip on one's shoulder. It simply means if everything goes totally tits up and you have to fend for yourself with no one to help, you won't be reduced to quivering blob. It doesn't mean one can't let other people help when doing so makes sense or that one has to walk around proving something to everyone. That's called being contrary for the sake of being contrary, which for some reason is what some people mistake for independence. Just because some can do something, doesn't mean he or she has to. If anything, independence means having more choices, not fewer.
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 302
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Independence VS Interdependance
Posted: 5/20/2015 3:56:37 PM
...independence, interdependence, codependence...dating, seeing, meeting, talking to, with...Relationship, relationship, nsa fwb...nice guy, bad boy...wanting someone, looking for someone, not wanting someone but open to it, wanting something but not looking for it...

...oh for pete's sake...
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 303
Independence VS Interdependance
Posted: 5/20/2015 4:14:44 PM
^^^I'm going to write those terms on separate pieces of papers, tape them to a dart board, and when I start talking to someone and they ask what I'm looking for, I'll throw a dart, and whatever term is on the paper the dart hits, that's what I'm looking for.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 304
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Posted: 5/20/2015 4:57:23 PM
Unfortunately for you I'm one of those people who wants to know how things work, and that includes relationship dynamics....

Apparently, I'm not alone in that desire, judging from the input on the thread so far...

If it's so very unnecessary and amusing for you, then you are, of course welcome to disregard it all...
 newoldgirl
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 305
Independence VS Interdependance
Posted: 5/20/2015 5:02:32 PM

Just because some can do something, doesn't mean he or she has to. If anything, independence means having more choices, not fewer.


Two independent hearts that beat as one would be nice :)
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 306
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Posted: 5/21/2015 4:30:35 AM
maleman999 - I don't know about throwing darts, that might make things an adventure for you. But I'm often a stickler for terminology: I notice issues of a discrepancy between a concept and a word-symbol; Tendencies of people using them inconsistently, carelessly, or dishonestly; How things might be ridiculous if we need too many words like this in the dating world (because of "game"); And how problems are caused sometimes because not everyone is aware of the common usage which someone has declared that we need to all be speaking.



Can anyone verify that browneyesboo is the real browneyesboo? That she hasn't been hacked and taken over?

Unfortunately, we may never really be able to tell. The matrix may have us.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 307
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Posted: 5/21/2015 6:03:55 AM

And how problems are caused sometimes because not everyone is aware of the common usage which someone has declared that we need to all be speaking.


That IS the point of this thread.....

Communication is paramount to ANY relationship for the simple reason that not everyone, obviously, interprets words the same way....

That's what's meant by finding people who speak your 'language'.....

And nobody is saying that there is a 'declared usage' of the term....other than the dictionary.
 Janet4now
Joined: 5/10/2015
Msg: 308
Independence VS Interdependance
Posted: 5/21/2015 10:57:40 AM

There needs to be a third term that describes a balance between independence and interdependence


Everyone should be both of those. Independent to pay your bills and sustain your lifestyle without assistance... and interdependent to allow someone to share space and responsibilities without resentment or expectation.
 Cognoscenti214
Joined: 9/10/2014
Msg: 309
Independence VS Interdependance
Posted: 5/21/2015 11:04:48 AM

Two independent hearts that beat as one would be nice :)


There ya go!

My old buddy Rumi has a nice idea as well:

“When I am with you, we stay up all night.
When you're not here, I can't go to sleep.
Praise God for those two insomnias!
And the difference between them.”
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 310
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Posted: 5/21/2015 2:59:03 PM
@Janet....

NICE one!!! Succinct and to the point...thanks for the input....

@Cogno.....Never heard that one, it's a LOVELY description...;-)

As was newold's...too!!!

Some good perspectives on this, I like other's POV, helps me to get more clear, myself!
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 311
Independence VS Interdependance
Posted: 5/22/2015 9:30:45 AM
For younger people who grew up with cyber communicating-where they have been texting almost from the time they left their mother's womb to present-texting is considered the same as face-to-face communication for a lot of them. It's like all of those "friends" they suddenly have on Facebook. If people want to have a lot of alone time or time away from a SO because they are so independent or in a long distance relationship, but expect constant texts all day every day with their (cyber) SO, and get pissed off if they haven't received that 20th text of the day on schedule, or no text in the last half hour, would that be considered independent, interdependent, co-dependent, or some other type of dependency? Or is this the new normal for independent people?
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 312
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Posted: 5/22/2015 12:34:21 PM
Actually by sticking to dating men around my own age, I don't really encounter this a lot...most of them prefer talking on the phone, as I do....

If somebody sent and expected to get 20 texts a day????

Suivant! NEXT!!!

SO, not interested in that, and couldn't care less to waste time labeling what 'kind' of dynamic that is.....personally.
I prefer quality over quantity in the communication dept. we all have things we have to do, no?

That's all I got for that one....'-)
 GattoMonstrosis
Joined: 4/4/2013
Msg: 313
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Posted: 5/23/2015 12:43:02 AM

I prefer quality over quantity in the communication dept. we all have things we have to do, no?


It's the twitter effect, they tweet every bowel movement and post pics of the muffin they just ate on facebook and think their followers must be so in tune with them because of the sheer quantity of stuff they are sharing, but really 99% of it is all LOLs, mindless rubbish, and then they have an argument and say "It feels like you don't know me at all!"
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 314
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Posted: 5/23/2015 1:18:39 AM
^^^^^^^^^^^^
It's a mad, mad, mad , MAD, world!!!! As they say.....

LMAO
 GattoMonstrosis
Joined: 4/4/2013
Msg: 315
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Posted: 5/23/2015 1:48:54 AM

It's a mad, mad, mad , MAD, world!!!!


That's one of my favourite movies of all time, Rat Race was a good attempt at capturing pole position but it fell short of that genius masterpiece. :)

Now if only we could get Cheech and Chong to do a movie with the Mckenzie brothers... :)
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 316
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Posted: 5/23/2015 1:54:54 AM
Now THAT would be worth a watch, for SURE!!!!

And yes, IAMMMW, is a fav, of mine, too.... ;-)

Was NEVER quite so happy as when North America began embracing the crew from Monty Python years ago, though....I mean those guys were genius in their own right, but just got the opportunity to show that they were also versatile and able to appeal to an even broader market....

You British really have a unique brand of humour that I've always loved and passed on as a 'right of passage' to nieces and nephew, by introducing them to MP pretty early on...Hey! They were smart kids and retained a love for it to this day!!lol
 GattoMonstrosis
Joined: 4/4/2013
Msg: 317
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Posted: 5/23/2015 4:47:24 AM

Was NEVER quite so happy as when North America began embracing the crew from Monty Python years ago, though


I often get lines from The Life Of Brian quoted at me, because my name happens to be Brian... "He's not the messiah, he's a very naughty boy!" :)
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 318
Independence VS Interdependance
Posted: 5/23/2015 7:48:24 AM
and yet, "The Two Ronnies" get no love over here in the colonies...

not only was madmadmadworld a classic, it brought in so many A-listers. when's the last time a movie gave you that many, "omg, on the left, that's...." moments?

as for the question of the youngsters being in contact so much in their lives, they can't live without and does that make them dependant....well, compared to me, yes, it does. is it comparing apples to oranges? I suppose if the majority of their contact is inane, "yo, where you at?" boredom talk, then its not really dependant, its just kids working a brain numbing job slipping a distraction device out of their pocket. not really much different than us old fogies reaching into our pocket to play with ourselves in order to stay awake at a factory job.

but if all that twittering and IMing is talking about, "omg, I need"...then its needy. and likely dependant.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 319
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Posted: 5/23/2015 10:18:58 AM
My daughter calls me all the time for totally stupid shit that I would never have called my parents to ask but back in the day it cost money to call my parents so I didn't do it unless I was like headed to the hospital :)
 jrb1979
Joined: 11/19/2011
Msg: 320
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Posted: 5/23/2015 1:10:27 PM
For me I would rather text or talk in person. I just can't stand talking on the phone. When I text its usually either a good morning text or a few texts later in the day to see how they are doing.
 xlr8ingme
Joined: 3/16/2015
Msg: 321
Independence VS Interdependance
Posted: 5/23/2015 5:18:22 PM
^ I hear ya. Im big on e-mails myself as I have a lot to say, but hate phones. Back when my kids were coming up I had a CB on in the kitchen (with a back up battery). Due to bad weather systems it worked out well in FL. My group of friends, and I would get a hold of each other in short messages. My family members would get pay phone calls on holidays, and regular very long letters the girls helped me write. Then they became teenagers, and I was forced to get a phone. I still rarely answer my cell, or have it on for that matter. It drives my kids crazy (now adults).
 GattoMonstrosis
Joined: 4/4/2013
Msg: 322
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Posted: 5/24/2015 12:02:07 AM

and yet, "The Two Ronnies" get no love over here in the colonies...


Well the two ronnies were funny sure, the four candles sketch is still a classic, they were a national institution like Morecombe and Wise for decades, but i'm not sure how well it translated given how much of it was in jokes about the class divide or awkward social situations.
Me i was always more of a spike milligan, python, secret policemans ball kind of person, well at least until Rik Mayall and Ade Edmonson burst onto the scene like a defibrillator to the groin. :)
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 323
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Posted: 5/24/2015 6:19:15 AM

like a defibrillator to the groin. :)



Aaaaaannnnnddd....there goes my first sip of coffee, all OVER the laptop screen...Thanks there Bigcat.... ;-)
Or is it 'monster cat'? lol

Too funny, the expressions you come out with sometimes.....LOL
 GattoMonstrosis
Joined: 4/4/2013
Msg: 324
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Posted: 5/24/2015 7:04:32 AM
Monster cat, and thanks, nice to know i tickle the funny bone sometimes. :) I'd get on a roll with friends sometimes and when i wound down someone would say "You know you just did a 20 minute Eddie Izzard or Bill Hicks routine right?" :)
 GattoMonstrosis
Joined: 4/4/2013
Msg: 325
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Posted: 5/26/2015 1:32:43 AM

Why would she need to ask you to not go on dates with anyone right now. Why is there not a little switch in the mans head that goes. Damn, this is good I think Ill give this one my full attention for a while and see where this goes.


There is, it just works the opposite way. :)

I'm a one at a time kind of bloke, i know logically that i should be able to see more than one woman at a time if it's just casual dating and not serious but i can't make myself do it, i feel too guilty about leading two women on while not being 100% available to either one.
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