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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > The older the man the more critical and judgmental he is....      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 126
The older the man the more critical and judgmental he is....Page 6 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)

But with the years come the compounded injustices, disappointments, and yes, so so true about how the "real world works".

So in a way I can't blame men I meet for having more walls then bridges. I get it. Some of us area aware of it, some aren't. Some want to fire off shots from behind the barricades, some can slowly drop down the drawbridge.


This is true, and TBH I think we all have our "wounds" and perhaps our moments when it "comes out". It's not like after years on here I haven't seen posts here from people who a *decade* or more after their divorce or whatnot are *still* quite obviously holding a big "chip on their shoulder" over it. Then again, I've seen people who have moved on and while maybe (like most people might) spent a year "soul searching" aren't using their old relationship as a "club" to beat everyone of the opposite sex up with. Some wounds heal, some don't, and some have lingering effects like the toe I broke at age 14 (?) that didn't bother me for 20yrs, but sometimes when the weather is just right (damp, cold) it aches a bit... it is what it is. I do find it sad though when I see someone 10+yrs later still "hanging on" to some resentment or bitterness... but, it's not really up to me to try and bring them into "love, acceptance. letting go, etc, etc", it's up to them to do that.
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 127
The older the man the more critical and judgmental he is....
Posted: 4/11/2015 8:07:15 PM
The waiting list for tournament badges is around twenty years, membership is invitation only period. I heard Donald Trump tried and they graciously declined. There are some big money people who want one badly but it's not happening. They will close the course to member play in May and reopen it in the fall. The only thing I know about the membership is when the make ANY improvements or renovations they don't discuss it with the general members, the club committee decides and when it's completed they divide the bill evenly amongst the entire membership and puts their share on the dues statement.

I've gone to four Masters and it is a visually stunning place. A bank presidents family had tourney passes for two generations and he used to let me use one on Wednesday and Sunday. They are guarded like gold.

I used to play to a three hdcp so I know how tough it can be, I play quite a bit with a Champions tour player here and I can hit it farther but I don't compare when it comes to 150 yards and in, they knock the flag down. I've had five hole in ones, he's had sixteen. I get within twelve-fifteen feet I'm happy for a chance at birdie, he's outside six feet he's pissed. But putting is where the pro's seperate themselves, they all hit it tee to green well.
 deetristate
Joined: 12/4/2014
Msg: 128
The older the man the more critical and judgmental he is....
Posted: 4/11/2015 8:29:36 PM
OK. I think that I have the code now.
If you say anything besides men are all wonderful all the time every one of them, it is man bashing.
Got it.

You all don't see the patter of running people away? Hmmm. I am thinking that it is like abusive frat pledging or something. Sane people leave. Did I say that I was OK in the head?

Rosie O'Donnel is the equivalent to mangina?
I thought that mangina referred to men who take the feminist position more than women. I was them looking for the word that referred to women who no matter what "defended" men. You know, "If he beat you , you deserved it" types of women.

Oh, well. Please someone define mangina. Thanks.
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 2/17/2015
Msg: 129
The older the man the more critical and judgmental he is....
Posted: 4/11/2015 8:38:39 PM
^ I was confused, too - where I come from, it's a goatee (sp?).
 forumfellathesequel
Joined: 7/28/2014
Msg: 130
The older the man the more critical and judgmental he is....
Posted: 4/11/2015 8:43:34 PM
deetristate:
I believe when some on here refer to someone as a mangina, they are stating that the guy is siding and sucking up to the women on the forums, thinking and hoping it will literally give them the leg over. ;)
 deetristate
Joined: 12/4/2014
Msg: 131
The older the man the more critical and judgmental he is....
Posted: 4/11/2015 8:53:29 PM


Forum fella - That was my understanding. Is the message below yours an example?
Thanks.
So what is a woman who is siding and sucking up to the men on the forums?
A Penale?
Is there a word?
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 132
The older the man the more critical and judgmental he is....
Posted: 4/11/2015 11:12:16 PM

OK. I think that I have the code now.
If you say anything besides men are all wonderful all the time every one of them, it is man bashing.
Got it.


No, if you say "men" (as a generic group) are all wonderful all the time, every one of them, I'd disagree with that as well. Just as saying/implying that men (as a generic group) get more critical and judgmental as they get older.

Both forms dismiss the fact that people (of either gender) are unique individuals, and while either of those might apply to *some* people of either gender, the implication that "all" people of a gender are the same is ludicrous.

The OP generalized it, "The older the man..." - the word "some" was not in that statement.

She opened with:


It's seems the longer I live....the more "criticism and condemnation" I encounter. And it seems, the older the man, the more critical he is........


Now, that may be true for the men *she* (and maybe you?) are meeting, but it would seem logical that if this is *all* you are finding that the commonality of all those meetings (you) are choosing them via whatever parameters you are searching for. I mean, if you met 20 guys (lets say "older men") and every one of them was a convicted felon, does that mean that (generalizing) "older men are all criminals"? Or does it perhaps indicate that the men *you* are choosing to meet all have that "flaw" (in your eyes)?

As Literate said in her first post here:


I disagree. I surround myself with positive people. When I encounter a Debby Downer, I avoid that person.


It seems obvious that in a vast number of people (men or women, whatever your preferred gender) there are *going* to be people that aren't what you are looking for. Expanding that to "men" (or "gender"), in general, have the same isn't logical given the variations in people.

We all have the choice of who to have in our lives - if you meet someone and they are "critical and judgmental" then make a choice not to continue seeing them. Simple, right? If you *continually* meet people like that, and *never* seem to meet people who aren't like that, then you might re-evaluate the type of people you are meeting up with. If, instead, you keep doing the same thing and meeting the same type of people over and over - really, that's not *their* problem.
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 3/29/2014
Msg: 133
The older the man the more critical and judgmental he is....
Posted: 4/11/2015 11:15:07 PM
I can understand VK's message and I think it is true for most people. My personal experience, however, has been the opposite. While I do remember some carefree times as a youngster, I don't remember many. Life was emotionally difficult. I grew up quiet, afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing, being physically or emotionally hurt, trying to find some sense of security in a world that didn't make sense. Being critical, defensive, judgmental, and angry were my 'go to' emotions because they were what was 'allowed'. PDAs and crying were definitely not allowed.

Somewhere in my mid/late twenties I had a responsible career type job and did excellent work but would always get some sort of note in my performance reviews about being 'difficult to work with.' Then one review my manager gave me some advice that really (finally) sunk in; he said "people want to feel like they contribute, they want to help you, you only have to let them." At first I thought that was a load of the same sort of BS as on those rah-rah posters around the office. But little by little I let go of things I'd thought I had to do. I didn't work as hard so I was less tired and stressed. Co-workers became more like teammates than 'that deadwood I had to drag around.' It became self-reinforcing in that the older I got, the less critical and judgmental I became. I became more trusting of others and to let myself show kindness and vulnerability.

I've also experienced those personal tragedies people list as reasons for becoming critical, judgmental, or cynical - cheating spouse, divorce, death of a child and loved ones, financial disasters, family feuds, neighbors from hell, etc. While they've been hell at the time, these have not made me more critical and judgmental; they've made me more accepting and compassionate. Some people think I'm naïve (or nuts). But that's hardly the case. Naïve would be unaware of the 'bad out there'. I'm well aware of the bad out there. Call it the Law of Attraction, or enlightened self interest, or quantum physics (entrainment) but I'd rather try to be what I want to attract, than to be the result of the worst of life's experiences.

IOW - it is irrelevant whether 'men' are more critical and judgmental as they get older since these men (and women) rarely enter my consciousness.

Peace y'all
 motowncowgirl
Joined: 3/24/2015
Msg: 134
The older the man the more critical and judgmental he is....
Posted: 4/12/2015 3:36:38 AM

-deaths of loved ones
-cheating partners
-random acts of disrespect by strangers
-purposeful acts of disrespect by people who supposedly loved you
-disappointments in careers and relationships
-prejudice working against you
-declining health and abilities

don't forget diarrhea. in other words, the normal stuff that happens to you while you're making other plans.

this stuff looks pretty tame, all things considered. I agree with Ouija..... if you're going to keep score, why not keep score of all the reasons to be happy?
 deetristate
Joined: 12/4/2014
Msg: 135
The older the man the more critical and judgmental he is....
Posted: 4/12/2015 4:34:34 AM
forum1 = operative word - SEEMS

being offended by a general statement and turning on the statement maker because of the need for every statement to have a clause "some, not all" SEEMS to deserve its own psycho analysis.


People here have even admitted that they fall into the category of people described in the original question or statement. Did Blonde cause their grouchiness? LOL!
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 136
The older the man the more critical and judgmental he is....
Posted: 4/12/2015 7:42:32 AM
Funny, because it SEEMS to me after reading the OP's post on page 2 (bolding mine):

NEWS FLASH: Most (ah what the hell.... ALL) single men (over 50) are "throw-aways"...they've been given to us older (over 50) girls by other women who, for one reason or another, didn't want them anymore.


That she really did mean ALL, and since I didn't post on this thread until after that, and I READ, that it SEEMS like she was really referring the "all" men (over 50).

Interestingly, from some of the posts, I can understand feeling *some* people are critical. Like SJ's "list", honestly I've never asked a woman about coloring her hair (I find a touch of gray kinda attractive, personally), I wouldn't complain about her 2011 car since I'm driving a 1995 (still gets me around, although it's time - I'm car shopping soon), nor her shopping at Goodwill - I'd find that "frugal" and there's nothing wrong with that. And nothing wrong with tipping well, I do the same (20%+).

And for the OP's, well, while I can appreciate a "dolled up" date for a special event I know she's not doing it "for me", nor do I have any expectation of such - I still have a flip phone so I'd understand that just fine, I don't do selfies much either, I wouldn't be interested in her if I wasn't attracted to her so the gym comment wouldn't happen, although I might tell her to *hide* the chocolates when I'm around or I'll eat them all on her.

... then again, if someone emailed me some of those things they just wouldn't be date material, and were I trying to date someone who made those comments one or two wouldn't have me "freaking out" at them being critical unless it was happening all the time, and if that was the case I wouldn't be dating them long. Unless it was happening to me frequently I wouldn't consider it a "pattern" of the gender, and if it was frequent I'd be wondering what I'm doing wrong to find so many of them, because in *my* experience too much criticism is usually the *end* of a relationship (or headed into it). I don't consider them "evil, critical, judgmental" people after, we're just not compatible or things fell apart... in fact, there's a ton of things I *value* about my relationships, they all had some good qualities or I wouldn't have dated them would I?

Here's the 'rub' though, when I read the OP's comment of:

Here is my challenge to you: PROVE MY MOTHER WRONG. PROVE ME WRONG. If there are some really loving and wonderful men reading this... start sending messages...there are a lot of wonderful and loving women on this POF site just waiting to hear from you.........

... that'd turn me off instantly. I don't have anything to "prove", I am who I am... she's right, there's a lot of good women on here I'm sure, *and* a lot of good men (at least by the impression of the women I've met), but they don't just "drop into your lap" and you're gonna get the bad with the good. Sorry the world doesn't toss *only* excellent dating material your way, that will magically turn into a 50+yr happy relationship, but that's the way life is - and life is about choices, if you meet them and they aren't what you want then 'toss them back in the pond' and move on. Getting "stuck" on the bad isn't healthy, and generalizing that to "most" or "all" isn't very useful, you might as well quit dating then because you'll be continually trying to get them to "prove" their worth, and who the heck wants to put up with that? We all have our good and our 'flaws', accept that or don't. My parents too have been married a long (55+yrs) now, and I'm quite sure they've disagreed and there's been some occasional 'criticism' on occasion over all those years (I laughed the other year when they were showing us pictures my dad took of a festival parade down in Mexico and my mom commented "notice all the pictures have scantily clad women in them"... my dad turned beet red embarrased, and we all laughed (as she was) ). I doubt she felt 'threatened' by it, nor he, and maybe that's the key - to not take everything as a personal affront? As Cynthia might say, they're "teammates", not anchors, for each other. But as she also implied, that's a *choice* to see each other that way.

When you start making comments, IMHO, like "Most (ah what the hell.... ALL) single men (over 50) are "throw-aways"" and expecting people to "PROVE" themselves to you, you've stopped being open to being a "team" in many ways. If that's what you choose, then I suppose whatever floats your boat, but it's not conducive to finding someone. It sounds more "closed" to a healthy relationship than open to one to me.

I'm personally not at all "offended", as I said - operative word - it SOUNDS like an insult. I find it more sad that someone would consider a large group of people "throw aways" just because they aren't a match for them.
 Literate_Hiker
Joined: 1/1/2015
Msg: 137
The older the man the more critical and judgmental he is....
Posted: 4/12/2015 7:58:46 AM

pianopetal: The word Mangina is used by MRA`s and their ilk

What is an "MRA"? I had to look it up. MRA: magnetic resonance angiogram.

What is a "Mangina"? Urban dictionary defines "Mangina" as: "when a guy pulls his d!ck and balls back between his legs (forming a basket of fruit behind him) and then putting his legs together to simulate the look of a vagina."

I speak English, not Acronym. Please write clearly to express your point.
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 2/17/2015
Msg: 138
The older the man the more critical and judgmental he is....
Posted: 4/12/2015 8:12:00 AM
^ Haha! Literate, I think I love you! :)
 smilebrother
Joined: 5/4/2010
Msg: 139
The older the man the more critical and judgmental he is....
Posted: 4/12/2015 8:37:30 AM

Dee: @smilebrother...Excellent post....lots of really good points there....gave me some stuff to think about...thanks!!!


You're welcome! Just a little piece of my soul that needed to be expressed...


VK: Message 113 by SmileBrother is officially the greatest post I have read here, ever.


Awww, thanks for adding to the plus side of my scoreboard of life.


forumreader: but somehow, someday, in spite of the ills we encounter, we need to connect with that childlike innocence and naiveness that once allowed our spirits to soar. Once in a blue moon I'll read the little story, "Mud Puddles and Dandelions" to try and gain perspective. I think I'll go read it now.


I'm always telling people I want to find a woman who still knows how to frolic. Thanks for mentioning "Mud Puddles", never heard of it so I'll look it up.


Ouija: Smilebrother - or you can be the sum of all the GOOD things that have happened in your Life.
What you state is imo just an excuse to be a poor me party of one


Well, what can I say, Ouija? Thanks for being critical and judgmental? I agree with you in regard to summing up the good things, but the OP wasn't asking how to be happy in life. I was just trying to make the point that I understand why older people can get so negative about everything. We're all affected differently by our experiences, as many people have posted here, and for me, I have to work hard at looking on the bright side so I don't become one of those critical, judgmental people. I thought I added enough at the end to also make that point, but I apologize for not making it more clear so that you would see it, as well.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 140
The older the man the more critical and judgmental he is....
Posted: 4/12/2015 8:58:28 AM
SB - not at all. I know misery loves company like LH I try to surround myself with people who dust themselves off and strive to remain upbeat.
It seems that it is hard for some to state 3 diff things a day they are happy/ pleased with
 Demidar
Joined: 10/22/2014
Msg: 141
The older the man the more critical and judgmental he is....
Posted: 4/12/2015 9:41:40 AM
" So what is a woman who is siding and sucking up to the men on the forums? " I do not ever think I ever saw one of those types of women on these forums , only continual male bashing on every thread whether I show up or not .
 notthedoctor2
Joined: 3/19/2015
Msg: 142
The older the man the more critical and judgmental he is....
Posted: 4/12/2015 9:42:41 AM

So what is a woman who is siding and sucking up to the men on the forums?


A pathetic loser?

LMAO
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 143
view profile
History
The older the man the more critical and judgmental he is....
Posted: 4/12/2015 11:26:46 AM
We live in a culture today that encourages 'positivity' and shames people for feeling otherwise....One of the reasons that anti-depressants are so popular...

Feelings are feelings and have little to no basis in logic at times. That's why they're called feelings....There is also a whole spectrum of feelings that humans have, and we have them ALL for a reason....Are some more functional than others? Well that depends on the circumstances and the culture....

When someone is in emotional pain, or 'being negative' on an ongoing basis, thing is, the pain that they have experienced in their lives has exceeded their ability to cope in a positive and productive manner.

For someone that has suffered repeated and tragic losses in their lives, the impact and rate at which they come, sometimes just doesn't allow them to 'catch their breath' and recoup in between the losses...Kind of like a boxer who is getting his ASS kicked and can't even get a punch in anymore,...he's going DOWN, like it or not.

To chastise someone for being 'negative' is as useless as telling someone with an illness to just 'get better'...

Does anyone REALLY believe that person actually enjoys feeling that way?
I think not...it's just the only way that they have learned to cope with their own emotional and mental processes, whether or not it is functional.

Everybody is different, we all have a different genetic make up and different Life experiences....Some people are just built in such a way that they naturally handle emotional pain well, process it and move on from it with a positive outlook...
To a large degree that is based on genetics and upbringing as in what was modeled and how were you taught to deal with your feelings as a child.
Trying to change or alter that IS possible, it's just NOT as easy for some as it is for others....

Is being around someone who is always negative a treat? Not at ALL...and that is why there is still so MUCH research and money going into things like depression and other studies like LH mentioned touting the benefits of 'staying positive'.

Are we all responsible to some degree for our own happiness and outlook in Life? Yes, we are, and to that end attempting to be positive about Life in general, even when bad sh!t happens, is a good thing.

But, 'comparing' boo-boos and saying things like "I've had losses and pain and issues, too, and I'M able to be positive" is really only going to reinforce to both sides that being positive is the ONLY way to be, ensuring a sense of righteousness to those able to maintain that state, and a sense of continuing failure to those that don't....

Does it bug me when someone who, in my opinion has lived a pretty charmed Life is complaining about how 'tough' their Life is? Of course it does....Mostly because I know that I would LOVE the luxury of allowing myself to live in a pool of self-pity and victimhood some days and I don't, simply because I know that letting myself 'go here' will only take me to a bad place, that will be very difficult for me personally, to return from....

People are entitled to their own feelings and if I don;t agree, this being a public forum and all, I can say so, but having done that, I try and just leave them to it and understand that it's MY choice as to whether or not I want to entertain them and their feelings, from that point on.
The biggest problem that I have with the "glass half-full, half-empty" argument?

It's a circuitous and subjective argument....and either way...there's STILL only a half of a glass of water....
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 144
The older the man the more critical and judgmental he is....
Posted: 4/12/2015 11:35:30 AM

Urban dictionary defines "Mangina" as: "when a guy pulls his d!ck and balls back between his legs (forming a basket of fruit behind him) and then putting his legs together to simulate the look of a vagina."


Really? Do some women wear their vaginas on the outside of their bodies?

Buffalo Bill is an excellent example of a “mangina.” Gawd! The stupid!

(Not you, LH, you’re just the messenger of the stupid.)

smilebrother:
I was just trying to make the point that I understand why older people can get so negative about everything.


I am another who understood and appreciated your post, smilebrother. :)
 Literate_Hiker
Joined: 1/1/2015
Msg: 145
The older the man the more critical and judgmental he is....
Posted: 4/12/2015 12:22:58 PM

SunshineGirl:
Buffalo Bill is an excellent example of a “mangina.” Gawd! The stupid!
(Not you, LH, you’re just the messenger of the stupid.)

What do you mean? I was asking for clarification (clear, understandable writing), not calling pianopetal stupid when I replied:

pianopetal: The word Mangina is used by MRA`s and their ilk


Literate_Hiker: What is an "MRA"? I had to look it up. MRA: magnetic resonance angiogram.

What is a "Mangina"? Urban dictionary defines "Mangina" as: "when a guy pulls his d!ck and balls back between his legs (forming a basket of fruit behind him) and then putting his legs together to simulate the look of a vagina."

I speak English, not Acronym. Please write clearly to express your point.
 stormy2728weather
Joined: 4/3/2015
Msg: 146
The older the man the more critical and judgmental he is....
Posted: 4/12/2015 1:07:25 PM
MRA. Men's Rights Activists. Same as the MGTOW group, Men Go Their Own Way. Think Demidar and his ilk who think any guy who likes women or agrees with women or isn't an MRA is a "mangina". Or a male vagina. Azzholes walk among us.

The first feminist I met was my father. He wanted my sister and I to have the same education choices, career choices and life choices as my two brothers. We were raised to be human beings defined by our character and deeds as opposed to our gender. My father didn't raise a fool and I thank him. He was raised by a kind woman who was intelligent, caring and wise beyond her time of upbringing and his father was harsh, cruel and drunk half the time. My father learned what was important and what wasn't and he passed that on to his children and we passed it on to our children. My father was a man, a human being. What he wasn't was a MRA type nor a mangina.
 Literate_Hiker
Joined: 1/1/2015
Msg: 147
The older the man the more critical and judgmental he is....
Posted: 4/12/2015 3:39:07 PM
Thank you, Stormy2728weather. I appreciate your thoughtful explanation.

Your father was a insightful, compassionate and remarkable man. Please accept my sympathy for his death. (You referred to him in past tense, "My father was a man, a human being.")

Your father's concern for women's equality will be passed down in generations to come. Bravo!
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 148
The older the man the more critical and judgmental he is....
Posted: 4/13/2015 9:57:37 AM

The biggest problem that I have with the "glass half-full, half-empty" argument?

It's a circuitous and subjective argument....and either way...there's STILL only a half of a glass of water....


Eh, half full, half empty... just means there's room for more. ;)
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 149
view profile
History
The older the man the more critical and judgmental he is....
Posted: 4/13/2015 10:35:34 AM
^^^^^^^

Hehe...I see what you did there... ;-)
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 150
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History
The older the man the more critical and judgmental he is....
Posted: 4/13/2015 5:19:21 PM
Dee4166..love what you said.

I work part time in community mental health, and some of the clients have borderline personality disorder....which, I am sure you understand, is a "real" illness. It really grates on my nerves when their families tell them to "try to be (fill in the blank....happy, normal, like everyone else). We all have different genetic makeup, and it is the highest of insults to put someone down for what, most likely, is something they could "fix"....if they could.

I, too get irritated when one of the "charmed life people" turn their nose up at me and say, "if you would only (fill in the blank), you could be "just like me."

Pardon my language, but WTF????
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > The older the man the more critical and judgmental he is....