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Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 26
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Girlfriend's kids Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
@Kj....My apologies....Did I forget to say 'paranoid'???

You know that one of the current 'rants' from the MGTOW crowd is the 'prevalence' of false allegations of sexual abuse of kids, which are of COURSE only a back-handed manipulation by the female partner involved in order to 'crucify' him, right?

Apparently they're no longer content to just slam women, now they're including children in the mix....

And here's HOPING that's ALL it is.....
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 27
Girlfriend's kids
Posted: 4/12/2015 10:26:12 AM
Mr. Tgif!

I am.....well.....shocked!

Ok....I'm not. I read about Ms. LH's Mr. Wonderful, too.

And btw.....I thought you didn't believe in marriage?

Wasn't that the reason for a committment ceremony? ;)

But just in case you're wondering....I prefer round, 2-3 carats, colorless, and internally flawless....just saying. :D


I know nothing about that group.....have not read anything about them except what y'all say here in the forums.
Just don't have any intetest to know more.....shrugs shoulders.

And no apologies necessary......:)
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 28
Girlfriend's kids
Posted: 4/12/2015 10:32:37 AM

ask a law enforcement officer and he will inform you that false accusations are common place , if you are the man you are guilty until you can prove your innocence . To bad the false accusers are not the ones to go to jail .

No more common place than the actual crime being commited.

Any investigator worth his salt knows that unless there is a perpondrence of evidence showing guilt that there is the possibility of a false accusation.

A man doesn't have to prove his innocence, you have to prove his guilt. Just a statement by an alledged victim does not equate to guilt. If the victim is a child there are facilities trained in forensic interviews dealing with sexual, physical and emotional abuse. I've had dozens of children interviewed over the years and it is amazing what these people can accomplish over two to three hours even dealing with toddlers.

I've had my share of false accusations made by victims and if the investigation is done correctly the truth does eventually come out. And yes, if the accuser is an adult they were charged with false report of a crime and/or false statements and writings.

I've had over a hundred cases over the years from a nine year old boy who was repeatedly sodomized by his father to the five year old who had their "privates" touched by the mom's boyfriend to the fifteen year old girl who was groped by her step father to women being raped. Most accusations
were true, some were not. But to throw out a blanket statement that if you're a man you're guilty until you prove your innocence is just irresponsible.
Joined: 2/17/2015
Msg: 29
Girlfriend's kids
Posted: 4/12/2015 10:39:44 AM
^ On a much lighter note... You're a cop? :))))
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 30
Girlfriend's kids
Posted: 4/12/2015 10:42:48 AM
Sounds like the daughters are picking up on the creepy vibe. Heartwarming to see a dedicated " family man" with an active dating profile. Hope the GF makes the right decision.
I don't have children. However when my dog doesn't like someone, doesn't want to be alone with them
I reckon doggie is correct in her assessment.
Joined: 5/28/2006
Msg: 31
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Girlfriend's kids
Posted: 4/12/2015 10:42:52 AM

Divorce is a traumatic event for young children and a significant percentage suffer from some form of post traumatic stress.
If you truly love these children then, their health and welfare, psychological development should be paramount when considering your decisions, actions.
These children need a sense of security, safety and belonging.
Please do not deprive them of their need to be with Mom!

You are excluding yourself by failing to acknowledge, recognize the extreme importance of an emotionally, psychologically healthy bond between biological parent and child. Especially, post divorce.

These children need sympathy and support, not unresolved conflict or a perceived threat to their emotional, psychological stability.
Joined: 10/24/2014
Msg: 32
Girlfriend's kids
Posted: 4/12/2015 11:08:05 AM
from KJ

And btw.....I thought you didn't believe in marriage?

there are exceptions to every rule dear.

But just in case you're wondering....I prefer round, 2-3 carats, colorless, and internally flawless....just saying. :D

it would be an honor simply to make you happy and bring a smile to your lovely face my Princess

do you have a favorite designer?

18 carat yellow gold, white gold or platinum band?

and the setting you desire, my precious love...........?

3-Stone Setting (3 carat primary flawless center stone with half carats on each side)
Art Deco
Vintage Setting
Channel Settings
Classic Solitaire

all I ask in return is honesty and loyalty. oh yes and go out dancing with me.

see how easy I am to get along with?
Joined: 7/29/2014
Msg: 33
Girlfriend's kids
Posted: 4/12/2015 11:37:30 AM
^^^^ You forgot Tiffany and most important... Garrard.

Sorry, just trying to help.

Have a great day!

Le Pew
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 34
Girlfriend's kids
Posted: 4/12/2015 11:39:12 AM
Well...Mr. Tgif.......

I am truly loyal.....and a life without dancing just isn't living in my opinion....

But honesty? Yeah.....I'm working on that one.

Ok.....fine! I'll be honest! I am NOT easy to live with! I would drive you crazy!
And I won't give you the particulars as learning them first hand is so much more fun. ;)

So.....if you still entertaining the notion of marriage....I do need a formal proposal with a romantic setting. *bats eyelashes*

P.s. No favorite designer, I like them all.....I'm wide band....just the one large diamond and the rest art deco or maybe vintage. :)
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 35
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Girlfriend's kids
Posted: 4/12/2015 11:45:32 AM

I consider us a family, my girlfriend considers us a family; however the two considers us a family but will not go anywhere or do anything with me without their mom.

I think this is the creepy vibe that maybe led to the comment about how OP may be accused by the daughters and getting police involved. Since OP did not go into it other than saying this, which sounds whiny in it's context, I'm not sure if my Spidey Sense should jump or not. But having been a young girl before around creepy men, I'd pay very close attention to why my daughters didn't want to be anywhere alone with this guy. I think OP meant it in a *they won't include me boohoo* manner, but still, especially with the younger daughter, if my kids wanted nothing to do with a boyfriend of 3 years, I'd be re-thinking my trust in this man.

OP didn't explain how he's a better man for the family than their bio father. They see him once a week, so he is in their lives, which is more than some kids get after a divorce. But nothing here is said how their father actually treats them, or if they are still hoping their parents will get back together, in which case the boyfriends & girlfriends are always going to be a threat to the chidlren's hopes. Why does the oldest daughter no get along with mom's & dad's dating partners? Is she being a brat or is she finding it hard to deal with her emotions right now? Maybe some therapy should be had.

I do find this post hard to believe, since it states this guy has been a family man for three years when he doesn't live with them, the children do not like him, last July he joined this dating site, not for the forums, but for seeking a relationship with someone, says he's single and the very telling fact that he paid to be an upgraded member, there would be no need for that just to use the forums. Your profile says you are single and actively looking, if indeed you are also in a family for 3 years and having a problem with the children trusting you, maybe they have picked up on the fact that you can't be trusted, that you are seeking other women, and that you are in no way a family man at all. One can only go by what you post and what your profile says.
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 36
Girlfriend's kids
Posted: 4/12/2015 11:53:10 AM
OP: Do you and your girlfriend and her kids actually live together? At first, it seems like you do, since you said you financially support them. But then you stated: "My girlfriend texts me and said that one day is strictly for the girls and my girlfriend". Couples who live together wouldn't text about that sort of thing (at least, I hope not). If you have your own place, wouldn't you want that one day to look after your place and do whatever needs to done where it's better done solo?
Joined: 2/17/2015
Msg: 37
Girlfriend's kids
Posted: 4/12/2015 12:14:00 PM
Kids ARE difficult - they're forever trying to find ways to feel safe, dam them! ;)
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 38
Girlfriend's kids
Posted: 4/12/2015 2:32:24 PM
jack504505- A family man with an active profile on a dating site?!
No one knows a bullshitter like children do.
These girls get ONE day a week with their mother, one.
That's not selfish.
YOU are the one being selfish.
The daughter goes and sits by her mom and you get up in a huff and leave?
Gee, I can't imagine why these kids don't except you. pfffft! :(
(63T, post # 36 says it best from the perspective of a CARING parent)
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 39
Girlfriend's kids
Posted: 4/12/2015 9:24:47 PM
I'll confess, I ain't big on kids, and wouldn't like to be alone with someone else's. Not that they may make a claim, but all it takes is one misunderstanding, and from what I've seen, the result of an accusation just ain't fun. so in my mind, why bother inviting the drama? which makes me wonder, "yeah, why indeed?" I don't need someone's kids to love me to feel loveable. I do see people dating a single parent who make a focus on being wanted by the kids, and my thought was always, "that's the kids' business, not your's. when they are ready, they shall let you know. otherwise, enjoy the love the parents gives you, that should be enough for you."

that's just my view on it all. maybe the OP did a search of where to ask a question, and found this place. maybe he's a cad. I personally think an insistence that children do what we want, can suggest a bit of self-centeredness. but then that becomes his business and his gf, who likely sees it (if it exists). if its a problem, it'll rear its head again, and at that time, might be dealt with.
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 40
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Girlfriend's kids
Posted: 4/13/2015 1:49:47 PM
Just because you and your GF are playing house does not make you a 'family' to her kids.

You have only been together 3 years, I'm not sure how long you waited between meeting Mom and moving in, but it appears to me that it happened very quickly and you now expect everyone to just jump on-board the fake family bus.
Kids don't work that way. I have been with my BF 7 years and he is still 'Mom's BF' to my kids (and their Dad passed away). They treat him with respect but don't love him or seek to spend time alone with him.

These children have a Dad who is active in their lives, they also want to spend time alone with Mom without you tagging along. My advice is to encourage them to go out with their Mom and try to enjoy the free time that gives you.
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 41
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Girlfriend's kids
Posted: 4/13/2015 5:06:27 PM
Op.just go out and find a woman to make a life with with the kids you may or may not have together,forget the BS and trying to fill another man's shoes,often while he is still in them,forget the BS about how much of a man everybody will think you are because you have chosen to be a tag along seeking membership in a club you will ever belong to from people who will always see you as an outsider and will circle the wagons against you in an instant......are there exceptions ? sure,but you stand an excellent chance of not being one of them

No man of any age should ever under any circumstances spend time alone with other people's kids....the accusation of improper behviour alone is enough to ruin your life if not put you in woman or child is worth it.

People with children male or female should first raise their kids with as much involvement as is possible with the person you made them with....then go out and date.
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 42
Girlfriend's kids
Posted: 4/13/2015 5:15:14 PM

Well, wasn't that a little over the top???? The more time on this earth the more I understand that there are a LOT of people that should NEVER be parents, biological or otherwise. Holy moly macaroni!!!!!!
Joined: 2/17/2015
Msg: 43
Girlfriend's kids
Posted: 4/13/2015 5:22:56 PM
^ You watch your language :/
Joined: 5/30/2014
Msg: 44
Girlfriend's kids
Posted: 4/13/2015 10:47:32 PM

If the girls would lighten up and relax there would be enough attention for the both of them, I said. I would like to hear from other people and hear their experiences and ask if I am being unreasonable. I should also add that the eldest dislikes her dad's wife, but the wife is more pushy than I am.

Because you “take care of them financially” it naturally follows that you want to set some of the rules. Unfortunately, it appears the teen girl doesn’t see it this way. I’m curious why are you supporting someone you do not live with?

I would guess that if you were not around the teen would probably not want to spend much time with her mom; it is a power play and if you are smart you’ll encourage it, not fight it. Give her even more time than they want; the teen will soon be sick of it.

I consider us a family, my girlfriend considers us a family; however the two considers us a family but will not go anywhere or do anything with me without their mom.

After three years of being around them post-divorce I think this strange and a conflicting statement. I think the girls do not see you as family why their reluctance to be alone with you or you’ve done something to turn them off to you. How does your GF see this?

You need to come back here and give us some answers please.

Joined: 4/9/2015
Msg: 45
Girlfriend's kids
Posted: 4/13/2015 10:50:52 PM
I'd like to make a minor note of praise for the men that have taken on the task of role model. It's a tough job. For those that really care about the kids and do your best you are unsung heros. And a warning for those that walk in expecting to call the shots you're setting yourself up for failure. There's nothing wrong with seeking help.

Back on topic. OP my parents were still married when I was a teen. This was a time when wanting to do things with my mother became important to me. I want to be around her more than I had in several years. I wanted to learn more about her and from her. This is a normal part of growing up.
Joined: 10/6/2014
Msg: 46
Girlfriend's kids
Posted: 4/14/2015 6:38:04 AM
The lesson to be learned here is ... don't date women with kids. Problem solved.
Joined: 2/22/2014
Msg: 47
Girlfriend's kids
Posted: 4/14/2015 8:28:16 AM
How is a mother/daughter day going to take away from the family feel you are wanting.. ??

Frequently in married relationships the mom and dad have date nights, should the children bemoan this fact since they aren't a real family due to that night alone?

I raised my daughters as a single mom, and I took pains to not only spend time as a family, but also with each individual child. With all due respect, you clearly have no idea what it's like to raise children. You somehow have the idea that their needs are interfering with yours.. well, guess what? As a parent.. a role you claim to want to have.. you have to put your own needs aside for the kids quite often. Paying the bills ain't the only requirement, not by a long shot.

If you cared about their feelings, this wouldn't even come close to being an issue. If they have to fight for alone time with their mother because you get all affronted... they WILL. Keep that in mind.
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 48
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Girlfriend's kids
Posted: 4/14/2015 9:48:04 AM

These children have a Dad who is active in their lives, they also want to spend time alone with Mom without you tagging along. My advice is to encourage them to go out with their Mom and try to enjoy the free time that gives you.

^^^ +1

In addition, there is a very big distinction between the financial support you give, and the expectation that you are "family". I find that kids have no idea where money comes from nor do they really care. What you do financially for them really has no bearing on your "acceptance" to them as family. Don't expect to somehow "buy" your way into their good graces - it simply doesn't happen. Give them the time they are asking for with their mom and you will probably gain more acceptance because of it.

OP, you should seriously consider a LAT (living apart together) arrangement until the kids get older if you are serious with this lady. A LAT would provide natural "alone" time for kids and parents, and you would never have to be in this kind of situation. In addition, a withdrawal of financial support somewhat would also be a good test to see if you are truly appreciated for who you are, or if you are simply there as financial support and nothing more.
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 49
Girlfriend's kids
Posted: 4/14/2015 9:51:09 AM
It's obvious, OP, that you view the kids as baggage. They will sense it, and when they do, it would be almost impossible to undo the view they have of you. Kids are not like they are portrayed on TV and in movies, where they are portrayed as being miniature adults who have a great deal of wisdom and maturity, and always make good decisions. Real life doesn't work that way. I don't know why you would get into a relationship in the first place with a mother if you consider kids as a source of interference in the relationship. How much time do you spend at her place versus how much time she spends at yours? Either way, I don't see things ending well.
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 50
Girlfriend's kids
Posted: 4/14/2015 11:35:04 AM

I am pretty simple, I like to ride my mountain bike, hiking, camping,
and other stuff outdoors. I am pretty easy going, laid back and
I want to find someone who I can relate to and be with.
Relationships are hard, but I am willing to do the work.

Ummmm....not cool!!

How about end one relationship before hunting
for another one!?

Do all three a favor and just end it!

If your girlfriend knew you were here saying
that she's happily spend ALL her time with her girls!
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