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 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 76
Is talking everyday too needy or clingy?Page 4 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
had alex graham bell known how his invention would be used, would he have still invented it? :) Me, I don't do the electronic leash. if you can't figure out before 6pm what you needed me for today, I likely ain't around to help you with it.

that said, I have some friends I don't mind hearing from daily. others...not so much.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 77
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Is talking everyday too needy or clingy?
Posted: 4/16/2015 12:13:47 PM

On a related note: last weekend I was out with my best friend and her longtime girlfriends and I noticed they spent the majority of their time (between drinks) taking pictures and posting them on Facebook and Instagram.


So can I tell you about this party that I went to where everybody was MORE interested with taking pics for FB etc. to SHOW the world how much FUN they were having, than they were with actually HAVING fun!!!!

One of THE most BORING parties that I've ever been to....LOL

I don't get this whole texting/always answering and especially CHRONIC 'selfie-taking' craze that we seem to be all about as a society these days....

Half the time I don't even answer my phone, and I definitely DON'T sit on top of it waiting for someone to respond to a text that I sent...If it was THAT important, then I would have called....
Even if somebody leaves me on hold to take another call, I usually hum the Jeopardy song to myself and then hang up...I figure that they will call me back when they're done....lol

I also don't sit at home and take endless pics of myself either....I just don't 'get it', frankly....And as for posting every time I fart on FB or Instagram or Twitter...well, I'm thinking that my farts are really NOT that interesting....even when they're 'rainbow farts'....(That one's for you Cloon...LOL)
And I KNOW that there isn't a SOUL in this world that interests ME enough that I want to know every...little...thing...that...they're...doing.....from EVERY angle, no less!!!
And we wonder why narcissism is alive and well, in 2015.....
Whatever happened to 'keeping the mystery alive'?!?!?!
LOL
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 78
Is talking everyday too needy or clingy?
Posted: 4/16/2015 3:14:16 PM
Are there pots of gold at the end of them rainbows Dee?
 _shakti_
Joined: 2/22/2014
Msg: 79
Is talking everyday too needy or clingy?
Posted: 4/16/2015 3:23:25 PM

There's nothing worse than getting an obnoxious "HELLO?!?!?!?!?!?" text for taking more than ten minutes to respond.
My sister does that to me!! She also gets upset with me if I don't like or comment on her Fb posts enough. I can't deal with that, honestly. But she'll say- if you cared about me, you would take my feelings into consideration and act accordingly.

But seriously, why would someone want another to act out of a sense of duty or obligation?? I want someone to contact me because they want to, not because they think I may have an emotional breakdown or hissy fit.

In fact, I purposely take my time responding with guys in the beginning so that I can garner what their needs are in this regard. Many people reeeaaalllly show their true colors when you pull back a bit. I have high needs for space, so someone who would lose it over such things could never work for me. And hey, vice versa..
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 80
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Is talking everyday too needy or clingy?
Posted: 4/16/2015 3:49:32 PM

Are there pots of gold at the end of them rainbows Dee?


Ha ha. And a Leprachun with his hand in Dee's pot? ;-)


You guys.....lol

Cloon...if there was gold at the end I would be spending a considerable amount of time AND money in 'digging' for it....LMAO

Oluben....Nobody's had their hand even NEAR my, umm, 'pot' in at LEAST a few months now....;-)


But she'll say- if you cared about me, you would take my feelings into consideration and act accordingly.


Ye gods!!! Sounds like emotional blackmail to me.....Nope, couldn't deal.....
Actually I would probably tell her something like, "Well, if you posted something INTERESTING, then maybe I WOULD like/comment!!" LOL
Maybe a little b!tchy....but I"m thinking she wouldn't be complaining anymore....


In fact, I purposely take my time responding with guys in the beginning so that I can garner what their needs are in this regard.


I just ask them myself...as it's important to know what those as well as other, expectations are....
Is talking everyday too needy or clingy?
Posted: 4/16/2015 4:33:45 PM
True story...in case it's really so unbelievable for anyone. I told this story once before in here where people were complaining about how somebody doesn't answer their phone when they call them and/or sends them to their voice mail.

Once I was sitting in my living room, with a couple of friends over. There was a knock on my front door. I was busy for the moment doing something. It wasn't something that was pressing and that I couldn't put off for a moment, but I preferred to remain with it and in my headspace with it for a minute.

One of my guests said "Somebody's knocking at your door."

I said "I know. I heard it."

"But somebody is knocking at your door."

"So?"

"Aren't your going to answer it?"

"Maybe. In a minute."

"But someone's knocking. You're supposed to answer your door when somebody knocks."

"It's my damned door. I'll answer it if and when I feel like it. Who made up that rule that I have to jump up and answer my own door the instant anybody ever knocks? I'm busy. I'll get the damned thing in a minute. If it's important at all, they can wait a whole sixty seconds."

One of them moved as if they were going to answer it for me, saying "shit, I'll answer it then."

"Sit your ass down and get your ass away from my door. It's my door. Did I give you permission to answer my door or ask you to do so?"

...the door got answered. By me. When I felt like it. A whole eternal sixty seconds later or so.
 63T
Joined: 5/28/2006
Msg: 82
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Is talking everyday too needy or clingy?
Posted: 4/16/2015 4:38:08 PM
Coderedjulia;

Frequency of communication per se, should not define neediness.
Harassing (i.e. unwanted attention, affection, late night calls demanding, "where were you?"), acting out of fears of abandonment or desertion with an inability to differentiate or disproportionate dependence on another would better define neediness.
A healthy attachment would value the relationship by possessing a sensitivity to the effects of our actions on our partners.

We all have needs.
Healthily attached people are open and clear about their wants, needs, requests.
Needy people are not. They possess great difficulty with emotional requests and tend to act out of fear or a sense of helplessness, passivity, aggression.

As per your opening post, his complaining that she, "was too clingy because she called/texted him everyday" is suggestive of his own difficulty with expressing emotional needs, requests.
 PenelopeLeChat
Joined: 7/29/2014
Msg: 83
Is talking everyday too needy or clingy?
Posted: 4/16/2015 5:03:19 PM
maleman
I had the misfortune of giving him a ride home occasionally when his wife wanted to use the car for the day-she would drop him off, but he asked for a ride home. It's about a half hour drive each way-depending on traffic As usual, he phoned his wife from work to say he's leaving work. No more than 10 minutes into the drive home, his phone rings. It's his wife and she's asking him 'Where exactly are you now, and how much longer will it take you to get home?" He tells her. I thought that was strange. About 10 minutes later, his phone rings again, and it's his wife again, asking the same questions-where exactly are you and how much longer. When we got to the exit that I had to take to get to his place, he phoned his wife to tell her he's at the exit. He said his wife told him to call her when we got to the exit. which is about 3 or 4 minutes from their home. If I was him, I would've been tempted to head in the opposite direction and chuck the phone.


Look at it in this light Maleman. We used to live way out in the country up in Canada. My ex gave a friend a ride out to our neck of the woods from Toronto which is a hour and forty five minute drive. He called when he got in the car to leave as he did every day and I asked him to pick up X item from the store on the way. He did. He called and told me he left the store and traffic on the 401 was ... well what ever the road / traffic condition was for the day. He called me when he turned off the highway before he got lost in the hills with no phone reception. When he passed the Buffalo farm he called again. His friend asked if he did that every day? His answer was yes. His friend just shook his head and asked why?

My ex said. "We live so far from a store that if I give her 2 chances to get what she forgot for dinner or ran out of, I don't have to ride into town another half hour each way to go to the local store. When I call her at the last exit she knows how much time she has before I am home for dinner and can put away her projects and get out the golf clubs. If I call her when I go by the Buffalo Farm she runs me a hot bath to soak in and hands me 3 fingers of single malt with 3 ice cubes. After that, I go out and drive a few dozen golf balls into the back field for the dog to retrieve and then dinner is on the table. I think it's worth 4 or 5 phone calls don't you?"

Yes my ex was ribbed quite a bit afterwards, but even his friend thought it was a good trade off.

As Always,
Le Pew
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 84
Is talking everyday too needy or clingy?
Posted: 4/16/2015 7:16:49 PM
"So can I tell you about this party that I went to where everybody was MORE interested with taking pics for FB etc. to SHOW the world how much FUN they were having, than they were with actually HAVING fun!!!!"

>>>so long as its not some party your friend got bockclocked at.

"well, i'm thinking my farts are really NOT that interesting...even when they're rainbow ones"

>>>oh, you eat the lime-orange-cherry sherbert, too, eh?

Shakti, your story about your sister sounds a little bit like the guy you mentioned. maybe one set up the pace for the other.

MTV just did a new poll for the youngsters on whether they'd choose a car over social networking. the first time, the kiddies said they weren't that interested in getting a car, and Detriot went and put internet in cars. now the new poll is reversed, the kids are alright now and want cars again. I'll suspect that after years of drama, fights, and cat videos on Facebook...the younger generation is having enough and realizes they can look once a day and its enough.
 HondoGal
Joined: 5/30/2014
Msg: 85
Is talking everyday too needy or clingy?
Posted: 4/17/2015 3:28:42 AM

No. It's about the connection. For example, some of the things that I have said to my SO on text that are raded G:
Dinner last night was awesome. I like the plans of the house addition better. I love you. I was thinking about you. Do you need me to get something for dinner? Did KID NAME do his homework? Is the arugula still fresh? I got some Mahi mani. 
So, nothing fancy, but no radio silence. No QUALITY talk, just connecting.~inner gorrila


I sooo agree! My husband always called when at work and sometimes he would ask to meet for lunch or come home at that time for a sexual encounter. How can a relationship grow and deepen without contact? I dated someone once who thought sending an email daily was a good connection; no way. And I told him so; adios muchacho!

Good for you IG.

.
 Eternityboreme
Joined: 3/18/2015
Msg: 86
Is talking everyday too needy or clingy?
Posted: 4/17/2015 3:35:06 AM
^^I most agree.
 ThePig0fYourDreams
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 87
Is talking everyday too needy or clingy?
Posted: 4/17/2015 4:56:03 AM

How can a relationship grow and deepen without contact?


There's a difference between contact and "connecting" in a healthy manner. Hell, I can have a telemarketer "contact" me.

Unfortunately, there are those of us who have been with people who used their cellphones as electronic leashes, and that's not "connecting" to me. Just because we now have the ability to contact someone anywhere they are 30 times a day or more doesn't necessarily mean we *should*.

In my last relationship, I realized just how crazy it has become with this generation and their cellphones. My ex's daughter used to get into bed and forget to turn her light out. Seconds later, she would send a text to my ex saying "mom, come turn my light out." I wanted to puke every time it happened.

The future scares the shit out of me, frankly.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 88
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Is talking everyday too needy or clingy?
Posted: 4/17/2015 5:03:02 AM

How can a relationship grow and deepen without contact?


That would appear to be the logical line of thinking...

However...reading some of the responses here, it's no surprise that many haven't found that elusive 'connection' that they're looking for...

Seems like most folks are not willing to actually be present to a partner in a way that is meaningful to their PARTNER, as opposed to themselves. Or else, deem their partner's concerns/problems/struggles/ as just so much 'drama' and don't want to have to 'deal' with that...etc.
Holy cow!! What a LOAD!!! LOL Sounds like self-centered and childish behaviour to me...

Life is MESSY...and people have problems...and part of sharing a LIFE, means sharing problems/being supportive to your partner....While that can't be ALL the relationship is about, it ALSO can't always be sh!ts and giggles, either....

Unfortunately relationships have to accommodate the needs of both people...and if you're looking for someone who is 'sunshine and roses' all of the time because you don't want to be 'bummed out' when being with them, then sticking to dating only would probably be best....

If talking to your SO daily is such an onerous task....Maybe you should stick with a pet...

Actually no, a plant would probably be better....

Better yet, fake plants...they REALLY require nothing from you and will remain beautiful forever...lol
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 89
Is talking everyday too needy or clingy?
Posted: 4/17/2015 5:14:25 AM


Better yet, fake plants...they REALLY require nothing from you and will remain beautiful forever...lol


This! Exactly!

I have a plastic house plant I named LEAF.

It hides the the cables behind my entertainment system. I dust it off once in awhile.

A faithful and loyal companion!

I might upgrade to an orchid or cactus in Q4.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 90
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Is talking everyday too needy or clingy?
Posted: 4/17/2015 5:18:53 AM

I have a plastic house plant I named LEAF


WHOA, on all of that creativity there Cloon...LMAO

And look...it's even FUNCTIONAL.....


LOL

You're a nut.... ;-)
 ThePig0fYourDreams
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 91
Is talking everyday too needy or clingy?
Posted: 4/17/2015 6:05:26 AM
So, are we saying there's no such thing as "too clingy" in a relationship? I beg to differ.

When I'm expected to give hourly updates on what I'm doing, where I am, and expected to *apologize* for not replying within a matter of minutes, I think I could pick even more colorful words than "clingy" for this.

As I said, just because the technology exists for this kind of crap doesn't mean it should be taking place.
 Axis555
Joined: 3/29/2015
Msg: 92
Is talking everyday too needy or clingy?
Posted: 4/17/2015 6:08:55 AM
I'd want to talk everyday, via phone and text messaging (of some kind).

I dated a woman who was virtually unreachable, it irritated me to the extremes. I could only talk to her if she
bothered to contact me, since she either had no phone or wouldn't answer it. Very very annoying.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 93
Is talking everyday too needy or clingy?
Posted: 4/17/2015 6:18:26 AM
i'll wager that "Clingy" is a relative term. in that, if you haven't experienced it, you don't really fear it.

my first gf would literally scrunch down in her car seat, and cling to my arm as I drove. since I drove a stick shift, this seemed to be awkward to me, but she was OK with it. taught me how to shift lefthanded, even won a streetrace that way. came in handy one time when I cut my right hand and had to drive one handed to the clinic.

but i'd still label it, "clingy".
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 94
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Is talking everyday too needy or clingy?
Posted: 4/17/2015 6:34:56 AM
“So, are we saying there's no such thing as ‘too clingy’ in a relationship?”

In the context of a relationship, again, I think it’s a compatibility question. What’s clingy to one person may be distant to another and those two people probably shouldn’t be in a relationship.

However, the OP was about the early stages of dating. There’s definitely a fine line between trying not to appear too eager and showing disinterest after first meeting someone. Even if two people “click” perfectly, there’s likely to be some hesitancy about how often they should be in contact at that point, but in cases where the first date was just “good enough” for a second date, or if one of the pair is more sure than the other, or one of the pair is a much more cautious person, or needs several dates to be sure... I think it’s a pretty legitimate question as to how much contact should be initiated at that point.

I always worry about such balances after a meeting. If it seemed to go great (to me), should I contact her the next day even though she works all day? If I don’t contact her the next day, will she see that as an act of disinterest and then by the time I contact her the following day will be “over me” or entranced by the next guy? If I contact her twice the next day, is that too needy? If I contact her the next day and don’t hear back from her, should I contact her again the following day? Is the onus always on me to initiate contact in these circumstances?

All that said, it’s been years since I had such concerns, but I remember them bogging me down a lot. It’s odd but for some reason such decisions are far more difficult after meeting than before meeting (maybe because with email, it’s a very orderly situation: send email, wait for response, get response, send email, repeat; but even with the phone it still seems easier to figure out what to do before meeting than after meeting).
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 95
Is talking everyday too needy or clingy?
Posted: 4/17/2015 6:48:52 AM
GTO: There was a time when cars were the size of a yacht and almost all cars had bench seats, except for sports cars. If you found it clingy with bucket seats and a stick shift, imagine how clingy it would've been with bench seats in the car.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 96
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Is talking everyday too needy or clingy?
Posted: 4/17/2015 6:53:48 AM
What I am talking about is a reasonable expectation that your SO is going to be present for you when you need them barring any neurotic tendencies that they may have that require you to be present and accounted for EVERY minute of EVERY day....
I am NOT talking about the EXTREMES , here....

As I mentioned earlier, there ARE situations where people will have to negotiate for what they consider to be a reasonable expectation...
As in 'don't cling to my side when I'm driving honey, otherwise we might get into a head-on collision'....Or even, 'Gee sweetie, when you call me 50 times a day just to ask me what I'm doing, that makes me feel suffocated'....etc.

Those are NOT 'reasonable expectations' in ANYBODY'S book unless they have some issues, let's face it...

Actually what I was responding to was the fact that so many people seem to feel that they should just be 'accepted' exactly as they are, but appear to be unwilling to do the same for someone else...Or else try and find a happy medium...

While it's true that we ALL want to be accepted for who we are, the FACT is that to relate to other people we WILL have to accommodate some needs and desires of THEIRS, even if we don't necessarily understand or agree, with them...
Otherwise we could all just go fvck ourselves and be eternally happy as there will NEVER be any conflict that way...LOL

In all seriousness it IS a delicate balance...but I do believe that when you are with someone who has similar values, and who is not still stuck in the self-centeredness of unmet childhood needs to be the CONSTANT center of attention, or has an expectation of 'unconditional love', etc. It's just about as difficult as understanding that when we share 'our toys' with others, then the beauty of that is that WE get to 'play with theirs'!
In other words...this is pretty basic stuff....

I know from my own experience that guy's who are SO insecure that they need CONSTANT attention, are just not attractive to me, personally....I don't do 'high maintenance', myself....as I am not like that and feel that is covering up deeper issues.

I'm also not going to pretend that I'm ALWAYS just fine, because my SO wants me to be, because they don't want to 'deal' with 'my issues' and/or feelings....or I'm 'bumming them out', because I'm feeling bad or having a problem...Simple solution there, I will go and get my needs met elsewhere, but if I have to do that ALL of the time, then we will eventually drift apart, as that isn't a real relationship imo.

There just has to be at least some give and take for any relationship to work otherwise, what you're looking at is a narcissist and their 'sidekick', nothing more....
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 97
Is talking everyday too needy or clingy?
Posted: 4/17/2015 6:54:31 AM

I sooo agree! My husband always called when at work and sometimes he would ask to meet for lunch or come home at that time for a sexual encounter. How can a relationship grow and deepen without contact? I dated someone once who thought sending an email daily was a good connection; no way. And I told him so; adios muchacho!


HondoGal, you sooooh get it.

I guess its about being in the same wavelength.
 ThePig0fYourDreams
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 98
Is talking everyday too needy or clingy?
Posted: 4/17/2015 7:08:29 AM

Otherwise we could all just go fvck ourselves


I need to look deeper into this very idea.
 GattoMonstrosis
Joined: 4/4/2013
Msg: 99
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Is talking everyday too needy or clingy?
Posted: 4/17/2015 7:08:58 AM
That's a tough one, everyone has their own level of sociability and defines needy or clingly differently.
If it were a friend texting half a dozen times in a day probably no one would think anything of it, hell you might swap multiple dozens of texts in a day with a friend when you're having a laugh, i'm not really sure why communicating with a date should be seen so differently, don't we all talk as often as possibe early on? We're trying to get to know the other person after all, to see if we're sympatico and if they are really interested in us, and of course if you clicked why wouldn't you want to talk to each other?

Personally i'd like to hear from someone i was dating if for no other reason than to know that i crossed her mind at least once during the day, that i'm not just something to do when she's bored, lonely, horny or has nothing better going on to occupy her.
I wouldn't call a half dozen messages clingly or needy unless i'd already said that i'm swamped and can't talk but they still keep coming anyway.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 100
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Is talking everyday too needy or clingy?
Posted: 4/17/2015 7:17:20 AM
I agree...


Deeper is better.....


ROTFLMAO


I wouldn't call a half dozen messages clingly or needy unless i'd already said that i'm swamped and can't talk but they still keep coming anyway.


And THAT is perfectly understandable...but again requires COMMUNICATION...rather than labeling it 'needy' or 'clingy', outright, because someone's needs are different from our own...

Again, we're NOT talking about somebody inundating you with unwanted and intrusive messages here....Or gluing themselves to your side when you're trying to drive...

It's actually called 'hospitality'...and means that you make room for an SO AND their needs AND their feelings in your Life, as well as letting them know they are a priority above, say, the hockey game...

Ok, ok...no need to go CRAZY here...I'm NOT talking about the playoffs or anything...lol

I don't know, from the what I would consider the successful relationships that I've personally witnessed, the people seem to be on the same page values-wise, are secure and mature and capable of negotiating and communicating honestly and directly, but MOST importantly, they do so from a place of LOVE, even when they're not necessarily 'feeling it' at them moment, as they recognize it is their responsibility to take ownership of their own feelings...
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