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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > "I don't NEED a man! I WANT a man!!"      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 ThePig0fYourDreams
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 126
I don't NEED a man! I WANT a man!!Page 6 of 17    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17)

How bout you, Little Piggy, who is your hypothetical man? :)


Well, here's how I would handle it. I would pick the male forumite who would be the MOST disgusted by my choosing them, or I would choose the one who needed a date the most.

I haven't arrived at a conclusion as to who these individuals may be just yet, though.
 Whistle_Stop
Joined: 4/9/2015
Msg: 127
I don't NEED a man! I WANT a man!!
Posted: 4/22/2015 7:57:33 AM
Yep...Need and want are so totally different things.
I don't need a lot of things in life and especially don't want a lot of things.
At my age...I have figured it out....like IG says, nothing wrong with having a doable list of wants, they may not necessarily mean needs.
I need to me....is essentials in life...like water, air and food and yes....human interaction is a must to some.

I want a good man...like I had before, he wasn't perfect but he loved me and I loved him....when it works...it's glorious!
I need to be "proud" of him for my own self worth.
If he's nasty to others or anybody else.....in real life...it's a pass.
I pay special attention to how a man passes the buck in life.....when I hear stories of how the wife took him to the cleaners etc.....next.
Seriously.....I don't care much if I find another mate in life....I like being alone...it doesn't bother me.
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 128
I don't NEED a man! I WANT a man!!
Posted: 4/22/2015 7:59:40 AM

there's a scientific study about what happens to babies who do not get social interaction.


Ever heard of some those European orphanages of neglected babies/children?
Still can't get the image out of my head :(



Well most of the women on here are a bit intense,
^^
Hey, don't knock intense til you try it ;P
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 129
I don't NEED a man! I WANT a man!!
Posted: 4/22/2015 8:04:51 AM

I pay special attention to how a man passes the buck in life.....when I hear stories of how the wife took him to the cleaners etc.....next.


I have a big problem with this statement. My ex wife did my laundry. I admit. She alto took my clothes to the cleaners and made sure that my shirts were extra starched. In return, I would pay to dry clean all those damn expensive dresses that had spilled wine, beans and other Bill Clinton alike substances.

In my current relationship, we had to have a show down. Who had the more advanced washer and dryer. So we stacked my super advanced LG next to her super advance Samsung. We duked it out. Unfortunately, I lost. Her's had this feature on the dryer that di-wrinkles. What ta.....

She wins....

Hehehehe.
 Hearton64
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 130
I don't NEED a man! I WANT a man!!
Posted: 4/22/2015 8:07:02 AM

msg 139 : I don't put up with tantrums, indecisive women,
or women that play that gentleman card, want the guy to
pay for everything and they don't offer anything in return. "

That is a high % of them it seems .


Yeah,because it's a known fact that we owe you guys sex
if we eat with you. We can't react emotionally but we must
be sensitive to your needs and we can't
be wishy washy but at the same time not be bossy.

Got it!

So you would like a woman who pays for all,
Expects on -demand sex and doesn't react to anything?

Would that suffice?

Ohhh was that too assertive for a woman?

Let me blow you to make up for it!
 _shakti_
Joined: 2/22/2014
Msg: 131
I don't NEED a man! I WANT a man!!
Posted: 4/22/2015 9:01:46 AM

The real test of distinguishing between want and need is the cell phone test. How many people feel a cell phone is a need and can't imagine a life without it, and how many feel it's want, where they can take it or leave it?
I guess I need my phone more than a man, lol.

Tbh every time I dip my toe in to date, the reality of it all hits me. I find the whole process exhausting, and usually.. far from worth the 'pay off'. So yeah, I can definitely take it or leave it. In fact, when guys talk about how sad they are to be alone, I usually respond by telling them that I quite like alone time. I guess I missed the boat on those occasions for a chance to fulfill a man's needs, but then.. what about mine?

I have a tendency to be drawn toward those who also enjoy their alone time, are somewhat introverted and perhaps a bit of a loner. Those who don't need too much from me right off the bat, who take their time so that things are grounded in reality. But that's rare, and usually those qualities come across when someone isn't actually emotionally available. It's sometimes tough to differentiate. But I would still prefer that over someone who wants to inhale me whole in one sitting because they feel a lack of oxygen due to their single status.

Every year, after spending two weeks to a month away from civilization, this feeling of sadness increases the closer I get to the city on my long drive home.
I understand that feeling very well. I go on a silent meditation retreat each year. No phone or contact with the outside world at all, no talking or even making eye contact with others and we meditate for 10+ hours/day. Coming back to real life afterward is an absolute shock to the system. But at least it creates a space inside to return to whenever you need it, even in the midst of chaos.
 Hearton64
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 132
I don't NEED a man! I WANT a man!!
Posted: 4/22/2015 9:28:20 AM

But I would still prefer that over someone who
wants to inhale me whole in one sitting because
they feel a lack of oxygen due to their single status.


You say that like it's a bad thing. : )

I was like a freakin' emotional vacuum after years
of an emotionally vacant marriage. Top it off with a year
of being alone awaiting my divorce and I was primed
to inhale the first man who didn't lead with sex!

Thankfully, he was equally in need of being enmeshed!

6 years later.....still love him dearly and have only him in my life
besides my self absorbed kids, so we were a match to last.

I think I needed him more than anything because
I had lost myself long before.

He validates my existance,and I his.

Healthy or not....it works for us.
 _shakti_
Joined: 2/22/2014
Msg: 133
I don't NEED a man! I WANT a man!!
Posted: 4/22/2015 9:37:59 AM

You say that like it's a bad thing. : )
This just proves that we all have different needs and wants, and that's ok. I'm glad it all worked out for you :)

\/\/ I'll let you know if I ever find it, lol.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 134
I don't NEED a man! I WANT a man!!
Posted: 4/22/2015 9:44:07 AM
You sound much like me, Shakti. It's why my situation of being in a relationship of 10 years but not living together works wonderful for me. Great when you find someone like-minded, and isn't that the point - to find someone who you aren't trying to make fit like a square peg in a round hole?
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 2/17/2015
Msg: 135
I don't NEED a man! I WANT a man!!
Posted: 4/22/2015 10:43:21 AM
None of the men seem to want to play the "if I were gay" game :(
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 136
I don't NEED a man! I WANT a man!!
Posted: 4/22/2015 10:52:00 AM

None of the men seem to want to play the "if I were gay" game :(


Nahh. Now lesbian gay, that would be different.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 137
I don't NEED a man! I WANT a man!!
Posted: 4/22/2015 10:55:41 AM
Ouija, it would be my honor :-)


Tbh every time I dip my toe in to date, the reality of it all hits me. I find the whole process exhausting, and usually.. far from worth the 'pay off'. So yeah, I can definitely take it or leave it. In fact, when guys talk about how sad they are to be alone, I usually respond by telling them that I quite like alone time. I guess I missed the boat on those occasions for a chance to fulfill a man's needs, but then.. what about mine?


I'm right there with you, only it is exactingly repetitive for me. I get asked the same questions, get taken out to eat, drink, play, and I can tell the majority are doing so to amuse me, to appease me because they think this is what I want, then they want a relationship (when we've only know each other a few weeks), and you get a feeling this is the end of the ride, where they plan to be themselves and drop the act. I'm bored with it, I haven't gone out on a date since January, it's all the same, it's too repetitive.


I have a tendency to be drawn toward those who also enjoy their alone time, are somewhat introverted and perhaps a bit of a loner. Those who don't need too much from me right off the bat, who take their time so that things are grounded in reality. But that's rare, and usually those qualities come across when someone isn't actually emotionally available. It's sometimes tough to differentiate. But I would still prefer that over someone who wants to inhale me whole in one sitting because they feel a lack of oxygen due to their single status.


Exactly :-)

Op,

I think women put that on their profile so as to let a man know she is not after his money, as the "need" is sometimes thought as financial. I see the opposite on men's profile. I see some sort of "I have everything and just looking for someone to share my life with", they make it obvious that they looking to get off the site and they are not looking to come off any sort of way to appease anyone's ego. They are not afraid to "need" if that is what they feel and the majority are not specific about who may meet their standards. I have no problem with that. It may not be my favorite piece of chocolate, but I get where they are coming from. It sorta translate as "if we meet and I like you, we are headed toward relationship land straight away". I tend to shy away from those who make romantic relationships a life purpose or goal.
 nhtds231
Joined: 11/26/2014
Msg: 138
I don't NEED a man! I WANT a man!!
Posted: 4/22/2015 11:02:33 AM
ok whats I'll play I am a good sport.

Pig since most of the girls I date have boots like yours....................It is you, it has always been you. I treat my dates well and always pay for dinner and drinks. But, if your wig flies off on the back of my bike you are walking home. Attire, your thigh high boots and a pair of skinny jeans. Hot wax your butt and I'll pick you up at 900.

haha just for laughs no offense, I like my women to have to sit down to pee
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 2/17/2015
Msg: 139
I don't NEED a man! I WANT a man!!
Posted: 4/22/2015 11:18:58 AM
^ Good boy :) And not homophobic. It's the homophobes who seem conflicted about their sexual orientation, to me. Now, who's next? :)
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 140
view profile
History
I don't NEED a man! I WANT a man!!
Posted: 4/22/2015 11:40:18 AM
“But here's the question, does ‘perfectly fine’ equal happy?”

Who are we to say he isn’t happy with this life he chose just because most of us don’t understand it? Nuns seem happy with their lives and nobody in this thread understands that. However, because of the rumors that this guy on my grandfather’s isolated land ended up out there due to issues with his ex-wife (he was definitely married for a few years before we met him), you do have to wonder if he was running away from his problems instead of running toward what he had come to believe was nirvana, so I would be at least a little skeptical about his happiness. But he seriously was (has been) out there for years, so he must be at least content with it. It’s definitely a different scenario than being shipwrecked on an island by yourself “Cast Away” style, because this guy intended to end up that way.

And even though homo sapiens are by nature social, there’s always going to be exceptions, always going to be mutations, just like you have a litter of puppies and one of them refuses to be petted for no apparent reason. (BTW, this was a very pleasant fairly young man – he wasn’t some old cranky mountain man that nobody wanted to be around anyway. Obviously we only saw him on rent day or supply restocking days so we didn’t interact with him much, but what we did see of him never suggested he was making plans to be the Unabomber or Ed Gein or anything.)

“But you're thinking of ‘need’ in terms of survival. The very word covers more than that.”

I agree with several others – sure, there is (for most) a psychological NEED for companionship and human interaction, but many have managed to completely cover those needs in non-romantic ways, particularly older people, despite sexual desire being largely a necessary human instinct. I will say that is one of my biggest problems – I have lived alone since college, I have no children, I don’t live near nor have ever been particularly close to my family, and nearly all of my handful of friends are married and/or have children and most don't even live in the same county as me anyway.

To also be perpetually single under those circumstances means I am usually an island and it becomes more and more difficult to find proper substitutes for romantic interaction. So it feels like a much stronger "need" to me than probably for most my age or older who are in a completely different stage of their lives and in different circumstances (children in the house, living with parents or siblings, close friends with next door neighbors, etc.). Until recently my main substitute was work – I just worked all the time, 7 days a week, to keep myself completely distracted from my circumstances and also to provide frequent human interaction and companionship. But it’s hard to keep going 70-100 hours a week for 15 years. I’m getting too old and unhealthy for that. But these past few weeks of one job, hobby-job on hiatus and weekends free have been pretty tough. I still work as late as I can on weekdays because I don’t want to go home to that dark, quiet, lifeless place. (Yet at the same time, I’m so used to living alone that it’s questionable as to whether I can actually live with someone if the opportunity arose.)

“The real test of distinguishing between want and need is the cell phone test. How many people feel a cell phone is a need and can't imagine a life without it, and how many feel it's want, where they can take it or leave it?”

Yeah, I know a lot of women (and a few men) who would choose the cell phone over a relationship. Like others, I don’t think this is a fair test because many of us are forced to have a cell phone because of our jobs, and we NEED a job... right? I mean, a job is a NEED, right? Maybe not a specific job, but SOME job. Oh, sure, there are people in this world who get by without jobs because they are independently wealthy or government leeches, but us NORMAL people NEED jobs, right? Which just goes to show you how needs are not necessarily an absolute, because 10,000 years ago there were no real “jobs” and most humans did not have or need them. Some people have said shelter is a need, but many prehistoric humans and some modern day homeless got by fine without it. Arguably the only absolute is food, water and oxygen. So let’s strap some people down, meet all of their food, water and oxygen needs and see what kind of life that is with just “necessities.”

“Come here for a visit”

Maybe in the middle of July, probably the one week a year in Canada that the sun meets my needs there. And that is a NEED. I will die quickly in a Canadian winter.
 Hearton64
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 141
I don't NEED a man! I WANT a man!!
Posted: 4/22/2015 11:55:08 AM
Believe me I have so much alone time (60 hours a week)
whilst they are off to work and school I can't imagine not living together!

I'm not in the forums as much as I am because I'm not alone
all day.I don't want, I need interaction or I'll go crazy.

I don't have to work
either so you can imagine
how isolated I am.
Is it 5 yet?

I miss my honey.

But at least I have "you". Pof peeps.
 ThePig0fYourDreams
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 142
Me too
Posted: 4/22/2015 12:37:05 PM

ok whats I'll play I am a good sport.

Pig since most of the girls I date have boots like yours....................It is you, it has always been you. I treat my dates well and always pay for dinner and drinks. But, if your wig flies off on the back of my bike you are walking home. Attire, your thigh high boots and a pair of skinny jeans. Hot wax your butt and I'll pick you up at 900.

haha just for laughs no offense, I like my women to have to sit down to pee


Aww, my heartstrings have been tugged.


On the gay game:
I think Pig should have a first meet with Demidar, then both of them should come back and report (hopefully on the "dating and sex" rather than on the "broken hearts" forum) ;-)


Uuuuuh, Shakti?? What's the code for the vomiting smiley icon??
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 143
I don't NEED a man! I WANT a man!!
Posted: 4/22/2015 1:52:01 PM

Sometimes a need is attached to a certain person

This is the only case where it makes sense. A need for someone in particular based on who they are, regardless of gender.

Once you get old enough to be self-sufficient, you can spend all day alone on your personal island, but you'll lose your social skills talking to Wilson. Is it good for a human to lose social skills?

In no way does not needing a man equate to being isolated from all of humanity. There is a lot of gray area in between. Humans all need human interaction. That is NOT exclusive to romantic relationships. It never will be. Sorry.

I can understand when someone meets the right partner, and then goes, "how did I live without this person?"

I can understand this too. Needing a man to me means depending on one for some sort of survival. I may grow to need one guy after a few years. That's normal. Needing to have "a" man around is NOT.
 kj521
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 144
I don't NEED a man! I WANT a man!!
Posted: 4/22/2015 2:47:04 PM
Ms. Whatsamattababy?

I don't flirt with anyone but my SO when in a committed relationship.....just sayin'.....*coqueteshly bats eyelashes*
 PenelopeLeChat
Joined: 7/29/2014
Msg: 145
I don't NEED a man! I WANT a man!!
Posted: 4/22/2015 3:29:43 PM
This may sound hokey but, what I need a man for is to help round me out. Kind of fill in the gaps as I hope I would for him. What I want is for the man I need to be good looking and charismatic while rounding me out. HA!

As Always,
Le Pew
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 146
I don't NEED a man! I WANT a man!!
Posted: 4/22/2015 3:51:41 PM

Great when you find someone like-minded, and isn't that the point - to find someone who you aren't trying to make fit like a square peg in a round hole?

A lot of what people forget about relationships is what you're NOT supposed to be doing. People seem to have this over-developed sense of 'action' that needs to be taken - a bucket list that needs to be checked off, no matter what. A huge part of being involved with someone is ACCEPTing them for who they are - not trying to make them into something they aren't - AND not expecting them to live up to your own expectations most (if not all) of the time.



Needing a man to me means depending on one for some sort of survival. I may grow to need one guy after a few years. That's normal. Needing to have "a" man around is NOT.

Bonding with a partner takes TIME, no matter what. It really doesn't matter if your first date was only three hours or three days, it's still "Just" a First Date. People keep using the verb "Find" when they talk about a potential relationship. I'm saying - that's not quite the right verb. 'Find' implies a discovery, an instant, a 'spark' of recognition of something you are looking for. A true bond builds over TIME. It takes nothing to 'find' someone. It never has. You can grab any random person out of a crowd and 'find' them. The magic is staying with them and learning how to adapt and accept and roll with the punches. "Grow to need" makes a lot more long term sense than 'Finding' them.

Humans are miserable creatures of habit. People miss their 'Honey' because they had a long term relationship and an established behavior pattern that they were comfortable being around. Some get hung up on that habitual pattern so strongly that they try to find replacements that don't force any change at all if they can. Trying on someone new violates a lot of those recognition patterns and not being able to adapt drives a lot of people crazy. It's why divorces and breakups and deaths are so brutal to our well being - our patterns get so disrupted we can't even get the apple cart upright, much less get it moving again down the road.

Learning again how to 'be' with someone really should be the next 'bucket list' item for everyone to 'do'. It doesn't have to involve a specific, special partner, either - it just means that you have accepted that some change is needed to accommodate another, and you are willing to do so. It's practicing 'Taking It" instead of "Leaving It".
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 2/17/2015
Msg: 147
I don't NEED a man! I WANT a man!!
Posted: 4/22/2015 4:00:49 PM
Re message 161: Somebody wants MEEEEEE!! Okay, Wanderlight - but I get to be the centre of attention. Kj and Belle can both come if they respect that.
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 148
Me too
Posted: 4/22/2015 4:01:02 PM
Well aren't you a delightful thing Wanderlight with your eye rolling.
I was not referring to Oliver twist.
I looked up the 1990 documentary I seen and it was in Romania
is that not part of Europe?
The point was what neglect, lack of love, does.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 149
view profile
History
I don't NEED a man! I WANT a man!!
Posted: 4/22/2015 4:26:22 PM
I married one of those "I need a man to feel whole" women. She did a fine job of driving off my friends, made me feel guilty about working on something by myself during the weekends. If I dared to fall asleep while we were watching tv, I got woke up. I got a guilt trip for rising early. I slept on the edge of the bed for 21 years. I was always to go with her. Foreplay was to last at least 12 hours. I was supposed to be as interested in anything she was. I had to be in first date mode- all the time. Never, ever look at another woman. (Oh, and never talk to one) Never yell at her. She was always right.

Convicts have more privileges than I had. No wonder I felt like I got paroled when she asked for a divorce.
 Whistle_Stop
Joined: 4/9/2015
Msg: 150
I don't NEED a man! I WANT a man!!
Posted: 4/22/2015 4:39:54 PM
Wow...Purple why did you marry her? How long did you know each other before marriage?
You are one of many people who just weren't choosey enough and "you" didn't want out? Why did you wait for her to initiate the seperation/divorce?
I have seen your type of marriage....people staying together and being so unhappy together.
Habit...lazy....scared....???? I thank my lucky stars I had a great relationship and a short bad one....I just couldn't/wouldn't stay where I am unhappy.
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