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 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 26
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Ex's New Partners/SpousesPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Best I can come up with, was a learning experience sort of deal.

First time my ex took up with someone else, one of my sons came and told me on the "down low," in case I was upset. That "learning experience," was when I realized how completely DONE I was, because my real reaction was "oh, that's nice. Hope she's having fun."

Made me feel good about myself.

Later in the same relationship, I had another instructive bump: my ex told me that the reason she liked the new guy so much, was because he cooked dinner for her sometimes. For some reason, that upset me tremendously, and I had to ponder a lot to figure out why, since I genuinely didn't care that she was with someone new.

It turned out that I still had emotional sensitivities dating back to my FIRST 'great love,' which I would have thought had blown away with the dust of time. I wasn't upset that I had been 'replaced,' I was upset that I was replaced by COOKING. Talk about feeling valueless.

Sadly, my ex found out soon after, that the new guy was only cooking for her to hide the fact that he was stealing her food. She found that out after discovering he'd also started stealing her cash. I was genuinely sorry that it turned out that way, because I really did want SOMEONE to have a good time, because that's what gives me hope for my own possibilities.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 27
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History
Ex's New Partners/Spouses
Posted: 4/22/2015 5:06:02 PM
Not long after my divorce, my ex moved in with some friends of her's, a married couple. The wife had fallen one night during a party, and broken her collarbone. (Probably drunk) Her original intent was to help them out. She must have put a move on the husband, because six weeks later, she got tossed out. Two weeks later, he and she split, and he moved in with my ex. A year later, they got married. Now, I found out through my ex-inlaws that he is intensely jealous. A few times I've seen them out together, I've never said a word to them. He watches me like a hawk. He even will follow me around.

I found out what a "Quality" person my ex is, when she broke that marriage up. Do I want her back?

NO WAY!!!
 LadyEssKay
Joined: 2/13/2015
Msg: 28
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Ex's New Partners/Spouses
Posted: 4/22/2015 5:17:59 PM
My ex (son's father) and I get along perfectly fine. He and I have never fought and we remain friends. During the winter, he would go shovel his mother's sidewalks, and then come over to my house occasionally and help my son shovel my driveway. He helped me move into my house when we separated (I didn't take much - just my clothing, my jewelry, my stereo and CDs, and a bedroom set that had belonged to my parents and had sentimental value to me. When the divorce was final, he got his certificate before I did, made a copy and came to bring it over to me. Then he sat and had coffee with us. He had an injury on his finger once that caused him to almost lose his arm because of infection. He couldn't move his arm for a while. So when I made supper, I made a bit extra and my son took it over to him. I didn't get any child support or spousal support, and he just helped with my son's expenses. When I moved out, I purchased a house within a 5 minute drive, and my son decided who's house he was going to be at. We never fought about holidays or anything. My son decided, and that was that. To this day, this is our relationship. No romantic feelings, but he's a nice guy, and I do think highly of him, and he of me. He has met some of the people I have dated, and they always get along with each other. He never interferes, and if any man that I have dated meet him, they like him too!

My next ex is the biggest nightmare I have ever experienced. He was (although I couldn't see it at the time), a psychopath, in the clinical sense. He was violent, manipulative, lazy, and a very seasoned con artist. It took me a long time to get him out of my house. Before he left, he assaulted me, drained all my accounts and credit (which was a lot), and I am absolutely convinced that had I not been able to remove him, I wouldn't be alive today. I did meet his ex wives. They were just as whackadoo as he was.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 29
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Ex's New Partners/Spouses
Posted: 4/22/2015 9:18:44 PM
I haven't had any contact with my second husband or any of the people he's been with, he left in 1979 when I was pregnant with our daughter, she's never seen him or heard from him, not once. Our son was 2 so he doesn't remember him. He was all about wanting to get married, wanting to have kids, then poof and he was gone. I don't even know if he's alive. As far as I know we are still married, but he may think we are not, I don't know.

My first husband had a girlfriend before we broke up, she doesn't seem to know that I knew about her. He bought new appliances after I left him, told me they were for me if I would come home, I just wanted out, I signed everything with my name on it over to him, let him have it all. He earned the money, he bought the things, they were really his, I wasn't looking to take him for anything. Looking back I would have taken normal things that should have been divided, but my name was on the properties and autos and business, that I never would have tried to take. He was a very hard worker, his things meant a lot to him, he had a rough childhood being born in a bunker in Germany in '44, he grew up with nothing. Anyway, his girlfriend then got all the new appliances LOL I have never told her he tried to give them to me. She was very jealous at first and showed up one day about an hour before he was going to bring our daughter back, and she wanted to know what was what. I must have convinced her that I didn't want him back ever, because she was pretty nice after that. When they married she was a great step-mother, she had a son a year younger than my daughter. They played together, we babysat for each other for a while. She was here with her son for a visit last month, we get along fine, she was a better step-mother than I could have hoped for.

The only weird thing with an ex I've had that I can think of was a guy from high school who I dated a short time after my first marriage. It was nothing really. But some years later I was working in printing place that made those fliers you get in newspapers from stores, and his new girlfriend started working there. She seemed to know about me, I never would have brought it up. She was much younger, fresh out of high school and insecure. She wanted to be friends, she wanted to grill me about him, she was kind like a gnat, nice girl but geeze. She didn't work there long and I have never seen either of them since. If there is something bigger than that, it's slipped my mind, which does happen now.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 30
Ex's New Partners/Spouses
Posted: 4/22/2015 11:20:22 PM
My ex husband made a quick gravitation to a mutual friend after we separated. I was truly finished with that relationship and did not want him trying to drift back. I was very thankful she took him on and we finished the divorce amicably. She was far better suited to dealing with his intensity, ego, etc. They eventually got married and have two daughters. I had lunch with them all a few years back when they came back out to visit family here in LA. I am also still in contact with his family, I never saw any reason to sever the friendships totally. We were not angry with one another. Most of my exes and I have moved on but still occasionally bump into one another/say hi on Facebook, etc.

I'm not sure why none of this bothers me. They all have a right to happiness even if it didn't ultimately include me, and they are all good people with decent female partners. This sort of thing just doesn't matter one way or another.
 motowncowgirl
Joined: 3/24/2015
Msg: 31
Ex's New Partners/Spouses
Posted: 4/23/2015 5:08:12 AM

Sadly, my ex found out soon after, that the new guy was only cooking for her to hide the fact that he was stealing her food.

people are so funny.

I never had any problem with an ex's new partners. if they are ex's, I figure they are out of my life or even when there are a few remnants of friendship, it's never been emotionally charged. however I did tend to have a problem with an ex's ex's before he was an ex. there were a handful of boyfriends who always seemed to come with deranged ex wives waiting in the wings. one of them used to call up at least once a week screaming into the phone.... he never batted an eye.

unbelievable.

I would have put the phone down and walked away. how mad do you think she'd be when she figured out she was screaming into dead air?? too funny.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 32
Ex's New Partners/Spouses
Posted: 4/23/2015 6:35:26 AM
I have an ex problem coming up, which is sort of interesting.
I'm great friends with my ex MIL...we're in the same quilters guilds,
etc. I see her often. My ex lives in Maine and she lives down here so
it's never a problem.

Anyway, my MIL decides she's going to have a Mother's Day brunch,
so she calls to invite me. She invited the whole family basically, including
my daughters.

So, if I go, my ex's wife will have a flying fit. If I don't go, my MIL will be
disappointed and I won't see my daughters on Mother's day, as one is
working later and the other has to go to her MIL.

I'm friends with the ex and his family in that we see each other during
family events. His wife pretty much hates me (for all the wrong reasons)
and makes things miserable for everyone when I show up where she is.

I think things are pretty simple and I don't get why they can't stay that
way. The ex has been married 13 years now...and his wife still can't bear
to see my face....sheesh.
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 33
Ex's New Partners/Spouses
Posted: 4/23/2015 7:06:49 AM
Let her have a fit. You came first! lol
You still have a relationship with your MIL, she needs to respect that. If she can't, that's her problem
Some women.. pffht
I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I hear stuff like this ALL too often. It takes a certain kind of woman to behave this way.

I'm still very close with my ex MIL. It's a great thing, isn't it. :)
Go... and have a wonderful Mother's day brunch.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 34
Ex's New Partners/Spouses
Posted: 4/23/2015 7:17:18 AM

I am also still in contact with his family, I never saw any reason to sever the friendships totally. We were not angry with one another.


Quite interesting. My brother is an over the top type of guy. Even when he explained and was his point of view, when he said why he split with his girlfriend we went "What'ta fv, dude." He could be quite an a ss. Interestingly enough, the family is still friends with his ex.
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 35
Ex's New Partners/Spouses
Posted: 4/23/2015 9:53:29 AM
Well...

Took 3rd ex to watch my oldest graduate from High School.

1st ex (mom) wanted a picture of me, her and our son together.

Her boyfriend took the picture while my ex watched.

Awkward as hell.
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 36
Ex's New Partners/Spouses
Posted: 4/23/2015 9:56:37 AM
^^^
More stuff.

My son from 2nd ex was there to high five his half brother.

2nd ex didn't join the event.

This is life when you ex's :)
 PenelopeLeChat
Joined: 7/29/2014
Msg: 37
Ex's New Partners/Spouses
Posted: 4/23/2015 3:00:45 PM
Clooney, that is as bad as me staying with my kids dad while I am recovering from my surgery. (divorced 15 yrs)

I made scrambled eggs for lunch and evidently I should not have used the cast iron skillet. I guess he has told me before (not sure when) that it is for corn bread only??? He keeps going into the kitchen and looking at the violated skillet and shakes his head in disbelief.
... And people wonder why we are divorced. ay caramba!

Le Pew
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 38
Ex's New Partners/Spouses
Posted: 4/23/2015 3:32:54 PM

I didn't have an issue with it, but I also didn't want to sit down and have dinner together or something weird like he was dreaming of. .... so he decided to purchase their crib at my till. Meanwhile he was smiling like a cheshire cat, enjoying every moment

I think he was dreaming of something that goes thru every guy's head. "What IF I could... what would would it be like... (daydream state)..." -- That's why he had a smile on his face like happy cat. :)

she invited me to a get together with some friends, I'm talking with this fellow when she comes over to sit on my lap. being the only sober one there, I noticed the consternation of the assembled. found out soon afterward, the stranger I had been talking to was the guy she dumped me for.

Why would you want to be friends with a gal who CHEATED on you? It's the most classic form of cheating (which the gal herself won't call cheating 'cause "only guys and skanks cheat")! Leaving someone for someone else is 100% cheating, regardless of the extent in which Physical boundaries were crossed when they made it official. Most gals underneath it all like attention -- and she was getting it! When I'm on cool terms with an ex, I'm not going to want to hang out at her social gatherings... and certainly not if she left me, and even moreso not a remote thought if she cheated on me like that.

As we recovered everyone in the car screamed obsenities to the car, among them "hope you wreck you hijos de puta." ..... Low and behold we see the car weave and lose control and smack almost sideways into a huger Saman Tree. This tree is wider than a house door and the car kind of turned into a pretzel around the tree. We were all freaked out, so we drove there. There were four people in the car, two young guys and two young girls.

Was one of them an ex? That would suck more if there wasn't an ex in there. If there was, that'd put one in more of the spirit to surf...

With me, I haven't run into any ex's-new-bf situations before, because I use both the pull-out + parachute method to avoid making other organisms in their tummies, which avoids still having to see them post-breakup (and also has a fun side with the whole "spray it, don't say it").

The only ex or gal I dated in which I dealt with a "new guy" was a guy I already knew. The gal and I didn't get along, but him and I did. My advice to break the ice for guys who have to deal with a new-bf of an ex, just say "Hey! We're Eskimo brothers! How's it hanging? (with a wink over to the ex)"
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 39
Ex's New Partners/Spouses
Posted: 4/23/2015 4:51:27 PM
I remember running into my 'ex' (who cheated on me) at a local food festival downtown (a bunch of the local restaurants setup tents, serve 'finger food' type stuff, live local bands, etc)... she was there with her new (latest?) BF, we both kinda saw each other from say 20' away... and next thing I know she comes running over to me and throws her arms around me in a big hug and overly happy "HI!!!", while he's standing there looking pretty uncomfortable (I probably was too, I kinda felt bad for the guy being just 'left there' like that). She finally motioned him over and introduced us... I wasn't sure what to say, didn't know if he knew I was an 'ex', just said "hi" and worked my way towards extricating myself from it all...
 Eekitsthebug
Joined: 4/9/2015
Msg: 40
Ex's New Partners/Spouses
Posted: 4/23/2015 4:57:04 PM
The funniest thing with the ex? That would be when he started to date the truly beautiful woman that used to live next door. He thought I'd be jealous when he drove up to pick up da kid with her in the front seat. But I liked her when she lived next door so I smiled and waved. She did the same. He slammed the car door. I liked them being together because I knew how she was with her kids and knee she liked our son (she'd given us her son's baby clothes).

The sad thing was when he finally found someone that suited him their time together was ended too soon by an aneurysm.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 41
Ex's New Partners/Spouses
Posted: 4/24/2015 10:15:55 AM
well forums1, I had about the same story once, bumped into a ex I had "unfinished biz" with (ie, didn't get to go all the way) at an event. she was with the new guy, and as soon as she saw me, dropped his hand and moved a step away while she talked with me. I hope for the new guy's sake, he didn't read body language...or had the confidence to realize, her shoes were under his bed, so don't let it become an issue.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 42
Ex's New Partners/Spouses
Posted: 4/24/2015 11:23:45 AM

That would be when he started to date the truly beautiful woman that used to live next door. He thought I'd be jealous when he drove up to pick up da kid with her in the front seat. But I liked her when she lived next door so I smiled and waved. She did the same. He slammed the car door.

Not trying to knock ya, but that was just a short-n-quick side issue. He was banging the beautiful woman and in the end, it was a big win for him -- whether his ex got jealous or not. He just didn't get icing (jealous ex) on the great piece of cake, that's all.
 Eekitsthebug
Joined: 4/9/2015
Msg: 43
Ex's New Partners/Spouses
Posted: 4/24/2015 11:41:10 AM
Sadly NG his issues caused that relationship to end quickly too. Believe it or not I sincerely wish him to get himself together and find happiness.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 44
Ex's New Partners/Spouses
Posted: 4/24/2015 11:56:44 AM

Sadly NG his issues caused that relationship to end quickly too. Believe it or not I sincerely wish him to get himself together and find happiness.

Oh, I'm not questioning him being irked wasn't a by-product of serious issues he had -- which would probably make him irked & have issues a lot every day. However, porking a hot neighbor was still an accomplishment, whether he needs to see a psych therapist or not. Would have been Bad if she was a classic not-so-good-looking rebound-effect gal who lived next door TO make his ex jealous and that wasn't working. Well, sh!t. Then you have to plug your nose when getting under the sheets with said new gal -- and her lack of looks really comes to the forefront! Then that really sucks.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 45
Ex's New Partners/Spouses
Posted: 4/27/2015 2:02:45 PM
Bumping this because of my mother's day fiasco.
I tried to bow out of my ex MIL's brunch, and she
started to cry.

We really are friends, and I see her more than she sees
her son (my ex). She feels everyone has moved on and
has acclimated to the situation, so she assures me it will
be fine.

I know better, and I know it won't be fine, but I'm going
because she cried. I think she's feeling everything is possibly
the last time...she's going to be 88 this year.

She's also been a mother figure to me for 35+ years, as my mom died when
I was young and I grew up with a step monster.

It's a sticky wicket situation, but I guess my ex and his wife
will have to deal with it.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 46
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Ex's New Partners/Spouses
Posted: 4/27/2015 2:25:38 PM
For what it's worth boo, haven't been in that particular situation but I have had to negotiate some sticky situations....

The best approach in a situation like that is to go and have a good time....

You were INVITED by your ex MIL, and she wants you there, so this isn't about your problem with the new wife or hers with you, it's about your ex MIL wanting to have a party....

The reason I say all of that is NOT any kind of rebuke, but if the NW starts 'acting up' towards YOU, I would take her aside for a moment and remind HER of the facts of the situation and that she is just ruining the MIL's party....and not accomplishing anything else.

Should she continue after that, then, unfortunately it WILL be up to the MIL to take a stand herself as it is her party, and somehow I'm thinking that at 88yrs, old, she really doesn't WANT to do that, so hopefully THAT will be enough to keep NW in place. Or else it may be up to your ex to step in and protect HIS mother's interests...?

Point is that you can only do so much when other people are determined to behave badly, imo, and sometimes these situations have a way of working themselves out....

Go, have fun and make an old lady happy, and have a good Mother's Day....
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 47
Ex's New Partners/Spouses
Posted: 4/27/2015 2:39:26 PM
Dee4166-I would also go and have a good time.
Browneye's ex has been with this woman more than a decade.
If she's still being insecure and petty, I doubt taking her aside and talking to her IF she makes a scene will help.
So, what would I do?
Take and video camera and record the whole thing.
That way, she has a video to treasure the memory when the MIL is gone and VERY few people are going to act an 'ss when the know they are being taped ;)
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 48
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Ex's New Partners/Spouses
Posted: 4/27/2015 2:42:43 PM
Good idea Bama....

Deeeevious....I'd say...lol but GOOD!
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 49
Ex's New Partners/Spouses
Posted: 4/27/2015 2:52:49 PM
Dee4166- Since things went south with me and my ex again, thanks mostly to the new wife, I was wondering what to do if the new wife is around when we are all in the same room (likely to be when our youngest son graduates from high school in 2017).
Then BAM, it came to me.
Devious, maybe, I thought it was pretty darn smart :)
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 50
Ex's New Partners/Spouses
Posted: 4/27/2015 3:08:35 PM
Oh dear, Boo. As Dee says, it's the problem of the person with the, well, problem. Hopefully there are enough people who'll be in attendance that you get to keep your distance other than a hello and a smile (as the "bigger dog" in the equation) if you have no alternative but to be in close enough proximity. Maybe she/they will surprise you for a change and you will have worried for no reason.
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