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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Why do men disappear after a couple days of talking?      Home login  
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 jtate77
Joined: 2/17/2013
Msg: 51
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Why do men disappear after a couple days of talking?Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Having done this I'll answer the best I can.

Let me list it in numbered format.

1. Sometimes I just lose interest or a better offer pops up. Women do this too.

2. Sometimes I find out dealbreaking things about her. I dont want to be too rude, so I just go away. No number exchange, havent met, what do I really owe her?

3. Going back to number 2 but extreme case......shes crazy as hell!!!!!! I just run for my own safety. If shes wanting me to go on a weekend trip with her upon the first meeting and doesnt take no for an answer, somethings wrong.

4. Suspicious pictures. Women ARE deceptive with pics when shes a big girl. I like thick women but am completely turned off by truly obese women. They love to sneak that part in there.........the big huge booty that is.
 Kelley1996
Joined: 3/23/2015
Msg: 52
Why do men disappear after a couple days of talking?
Posted: 2/29/2016 3:42:35 PM
If you find someone than most of that doesn't matter. First, POF does not have average quality men in looks or attitude and the percentage of so called jerks is higher than average. And, finding someone acceptable is not even close to as easy as it was when you were twenty. Based on your profile photos, I believe you were a knockout at age twenty and you are still very attractive, but you are not in demand like when you were twenty. At twenty girls have a huge advantage, after thirty men have the advantage.

I know you don't want to hear this and I am not saying in a bad way or to be disrespectful. However, if you are seeking the grownup equals of guys you could have had at age twenty, you are not being realistic for a number of reasons. First, although there are a few exception, most men are attracted to good baby makers; that is, teens to early twenties. Therefore, you cannot compete with women ten years younger if they have looks equal to your looks at that age. Second, the demographics have changed. At age twenty, there are more males than females, At your age, there are more females than males. Also at ages 20-24 there are approximately 5 unmarried men for every 4 unmarried women plus the men had competition from older wealthier men. At your age the ratio is approximately equal. Third, men in their early to mid-twenties do not fear getting married. By your age most available men have been through a divorce and they know from experience how "I will love you forever" can change and how the courts greatly favor women in the event of divorce. Therefore, they are more likely to avoid getting married unless the woman is younger and exceptionally attractive.

I truly wish I could truefully present a rosier outlook, but the world is how it is and not how I wish it was.
 BeyondtheMatrix
Joined: 2/11/2016
Msg: 53
Why do men disappear after a couple days of talking?
Posted: 3/3/2016 11:06:46 AM

If you find someone than [sic] most of that doesn't matter. First, POF does not have average quality men in looks or attitude and the percentage of so called jerks is higher than average. I know you don't want to hear this . . . I truly with I could truefully [sic] present a rosier outlook, but the world is how it is and not how I wish it was. -- kelley1996


Well since your profile says that you are "more logical than most girls" your age, I bow to your superior 19-year-old thinking.

I shall keep abreast of your philosophies on life, including the fact that most men are lying, as you indicate in another profile, and that the "percentage of of so called jerks" on PoF is "higher than average," as you say in this post.

Men don't stand much of a chance here, do they, especially if they are older than you?

Ah well, time to collect my shroud from the dry cleaners.

Best wishes

- Peter
 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 54
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Why do men disappear after a couple days of talking?
Posted: 3/3/2016 11:29:25 AM
^^^^ You're a smarmy little man, aintcha?


First, POF does not have average quality men in looks or attitude


Expand further, please?
 Dallasroadie
Joined: 2/12/2016
Msg: 55
Why do men disappear after a couple days of talking?
Posted: 3/3/2016 11:32:31 AM

At age twenty, there are more males than females, At your age, there are more females than males. Also at ages 20-24 there are approximately 5 unmarried men for every 4 unmarried women plus the men had competition from older wealthier men. At your age the ratio is approximately equal. Third, men in their early to mid-twenties do not fear getting married. By your age most available men have been through a divorce and they know from experience how "I will love you forever" can change and how the courts greatly favor women in the event of divorce. Therefore, they are more likely to avoid getting married unless the woman is younger and exceptionally attractive.


I know you are very young so you don't have any actual experience to back up much of what you post on here so why don't you back up your "chitty chat" with some data, facts, quotes and maybe cite a source. Otherwise, you have an "opinion".
 BeyondtheMatrix
Joined: 2/11/2016
Msg: 56
Why do men disappear after a couple days of talking?
Posted: 3/3/2016 1:26:35 PM

^^^^ You're a smarmy little man, aintcha? -- chromis1


I think you need to read my post again before you cloud the issue with your judgementalism and nasty name-calling, chromis1.

I am quoting what someone else said, the 19-year-old Kelley, who is talking about men being jerks and liars, etc, here on PoF.

Read it before you open your mouth.

Best wishes

- Peter
 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 57
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Why do men disappear after a couple days of talking?
Posted: 3/3/2016 1:43:11 PM
^^ Oh, I read it. And you were a judgmental smartass. And I opened my mouth. My opinion still stands.
 BeyondtheMatrix
Joined: 2/11/2016
Msg: 58
Why do men disappear after a couple days of talking?
Posted: 3/3/2016 2:35:54 PM
Judgemental? You should have a Masters degree in it by now. Here are just some of your comments to other posters:


Awesome. Except that I wasn't talking to you, so let him decide how to respond.
on the thread about no chemistry.


Like hell you don't
replying to a poster who says they don’t denigrate people with a substance abuse problem.


Er, um, exactly what the hell do you mean by this???
to a poster talking about something ‘more than hi, you’re cute.’


Oh, and you're just the one to know exactly what he needs to hear? Cut me a break. And he asked responders to avoid harshness and you were a prick about it. Just your style
to a poster on the issue of did he bow out his chances with a girl.

The egotistical overbearing, narcissistic, know-it-all, judgemental attitude continues:


Boy, tough crowd. The only reason I can see why there may be less to choose from the older we get, is because more of us are dead. If anybody cares to proffer a different reason, I'll respectfully disagree.



Sounds to me that you've not honed the art of furthering a conversation.


Yeah, right.

You need to come down off that mountain-size high horse and stop judging people. This is a pathological case of the pot calling the kettle black.

You say in your profile that you are all about ‘respect’ and ‘patience.’

Just words, I'm afraid, mate. Just hot air.

Best wishes

- Peter
 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 59
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Why do men disappear after a couple days of talking?
Posted: 3/3/2016 3:04:57 PM
I'm flattered. :)
 Kelley1996
Joined: 3/23/2015
Msg: 60
Why do men disappear after a couple days of talking?
Posted: 3/3/2016 4:23:24 PM
Peter (kidreason29): You are funny. Your post made me smile.

Chromis1:
Expand further, please?
I will take back my statement that men on POF are not average in looks because I am comparing them to guys at Harding University. I should know that a university does not represent a random sample of men and not even a random sample of college age men. However, I believe my statement that men on POF are not average quality in attitude is correct. That does not include men on the forums. Most men posting on the forums are quite nice.

I have no restrictions on who can message me. I receive lots of messages from guys, mostly twenties but some in their 30s and 40s. It is not uncommon for the first message to be rude or insulting such as, “Why don’t you bend over and…” I don’t experience that when I meet guys in public places And, far too often, if after some messages I am not receptive, some guys get livid and insulting; far more so than my other experiences.

Dallasroadie:
I know you are very young so you don't have any actual experience to back up much of what you post on here so why don't you back up your "chitty chat" with some data, facts, quotes and maybe cite a source.

US Census 2012: Population In thousands.
20 to 24 years: Males 10,987; Females 10,891
35 to 39 years: Males 9,421; Females 9,719
I don’t have a source proving that young men have completion from older men. However, that is one area I do have experience since more than half the men that contact me on POF are 25 or older.

US Census 2010: Marital Status of People 15 Years and Over, by Age, Sex in thousands
Never married 20-24: Males 9,469; Females 8,296
Males 35-39: Widowed 29; Divorced 879; Separated 289; Never Married 2,324
Clearly I was incorrect in stating most of the available in the OP’s age group are divorced since far more are never married. However, I will let the OP judge how likely it is that she will find in the never married men that are both willing to marry and not from the bottom of the barrel.
 Dallasroadie
Joined: 2/12/2016
Msg: 61
Why do men disappear after a couple days of talking?
Posted: 3/3/2016 5:34:43 PM
^^^. How about in your age group, are you getting lots of messages from the under 25 crowd? I would have thought that most your age would meet outside, in real life at college or bars or work. And how do you feel about getting messages from guys in their 30s and 40s? Is it sort of yucky with older guys?

I think the OP has a broad age range to date from, late 30s and early 40s is popular.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 62
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Why do men disappear after a couple days of talking?
Posted: 3/3/2016 7:41:36 PM

I have no restrictions on who can message me. I receive lots of messages from guys, mostly twenties but some in their 30s and 40s. It is not uncommon for the first message to be rude or insulting such as, “Why don’t you bend over and…” I don’t experience that when I meet guys in public places And, far too often, if after some messages I am not receptive, some guys get livid and insulting; far more so than my other experiences.


You list your age as 19. Men 30 and 40 cannot contact you, it's not possible and it doesn't matter what your mail restrictions are.. I am sure others will tell you the same thing.

Too bad, you were interesting up until that faux pas.
 Dallasroadie
Joined: 2/12/2016
Msg: 63
Why do men disappear after a couple days of talking?
Posted: 3/3/2016 8:15:03 PM
I was trying to do this ^^^^^ delicately. So is it a 45 year old man or a 45 year old woman? Want to get a pool going?
 caballerosiempre
Joined: 12/5/2015
Msg: 64
Why do men disappear after a couple days of talking?
Posted: 3/4/2016 8:43:51 AM
Kelley1996. Clearly a fake profile.
 Kelley1996
Joined: 3/23/2015
Msg: 65
Why do men disappear after a couple days of talking?
Posted: 3/4/2016 10:38:42 AM

How about in your age group, are you getting lots of messages from the under 25 crowd? I would have thought that most your age would meet outside, in real life at college or bars or work. And how do you feel about getting messages from guys in their 30s and 40s? Is it sort of yucky with older guys?

Dallasroadie: I'm not certain but I believe between a third and half of the guys are 25 or younger. I don't mind getting messages from older guys because sometimes we have interesting discussions. However, if they suggest meeting, I tell them they are outside my dating age.


You list your age as 19. Men 30 and 40 cannot contact you, it's not possible and it doesn't matter what your mail restrictions are.. I am sure others will tell you the same thing.

dragonbytes: That may be so I may be a bit confused because I also have an account on College Chat, Chat Avenue with the same name (Kelley1996) http://www.chat-avenue.com/collegechat.html. Even though it is College Chat, I believe anyone can log in and either as a guest or by creating a profile. And, if I have also logged on, can message me.
 Dallasroadie
Joined: 2/12/2016
Msg: 66
Why do men disappear after a couple days of talking?
Posted: 3/4/2016 11:17:36 AM

Too bad, you were interesting up until that faux pas.



Kelley1996. Clearly a fake profile.


To quote the movie Mash - "the pros from Dover" have figured it all out and nailed you on it.

Posting style sweetie. Its hard to pull of 19, and you couldn't.
 caballerosiempre
Joined: 12/5/2015
Msg: 67
Why do men disappear after a couple days of talking?
Posted: 3/4/2016 3:41:29 PM
Also very rare & strange that a woman who considers herself beautiful would have only one photo..
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 68
Why do men disappear after a couple days of talking?
Posted: 3/4/2016 5:04:15 PM
Sometimes like a game of Clue.. I enjoy when the multi profiles response and support themselves.
After awhile tho I find my smile turn upside down
Some ppl here have wayyyyyyyyyy too much time on their fingers
 Peter_Hungus
Joined: 11/3/2012
Msg: 69
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Why do men disappear after a couple days of talking?
Posted: 3/4/2016 7:37:19 PM

Why do men disappear after a couple days of talking?


Like someone else mentioned, they probably made a assessment that it probably wasn't worth their while. Either for a relationship or access to your passion fruit.
 ForeverTexas25
Joined: 1/18/2015
Msg: 70
Why do men disappear after a couple days of talking?
Posted: 3/6/2016 2:32:53 AM
No way, you're not expecting too much at all. I would just say to move on to the next! There are sooo many attractive guys on here that know how to carry on good conversation. So when that happens, just keep moving on to the next until you find someone you click with. I've found that most of the men here are good about responding back though. Not all of them, but most do keep the conversation going. Also, are you messaging them first? It may just be that they are not interested. That's why I just choose from the ones that message me first, that way I already know there is at least a physical attraction. Good luck! :)
 xsPuRx
Joined: 4/27/2013
Msg: 71
Why do men disappear after a couple days of talking?
Posted: 4/3/2016 12:22:31 PM
I didn't read the whole topic, but basically Women do exactly this to men also. Conversations go, and they just stop messaging. Does that make it okay? Probably not, but everyone is doing that. Not just men. To me it just shows their character, and makes me way less interested at that point. So very easy to move on. lol, and if it is some sort of Silence game to see if I am going to chase her. She will chase her tail. Cause I don't play. So just do the same. Move on. Some guys will do the chasing game also. To make sure you're not desperate. It is stupid, but people do it.

That's why I make a move quickly to meet, because I can tell much more about a person in the real world than in text messages.
 Stellan77
Joined: 2/8/2016
Msg: 72
Why do men disappear after a couple days of talking?
Posted: 4/3/2016 6:27:56 PM
Because gimme the beat, boys, and free my soul
We wanna get lost in your rock n' roll and drift away
 A6K
Joined: 10/2/2011
Msg: 73
Why do men disappear after a couple days of talking?
Posted: 5/22/2016 9:53:46 AM
I'd say you're worrying about it to much. Don't let it be a problem or get to you.
It almost seems like you set an expectation and since you're expectations were not met you got frustrated.
Stop expecting anything to happen or conversations to go somewhere.
And if a certain physical trait is your main criteria for choosing someone to talk to, that might be the root of the problem.
 gap665
Joined: 5/26/2016
Msg: 74
Why do men disappear after a couple days of talking?
Posted: 6/15/2016 11:23:09 AM
It seems like you have a nice profile. It seems really hard to keep a conversation going over messages. Maybe it would help to suggest meeting with the person you are messaging after conversing for a shorter amount of time.


Alternatively, you could be saying negative comments and not realize it. I would be glad to look over the conversation and see if anything jumps out at me, if you want to send me one. I am an analyst in my work so I bet I could find something if there is a problem.
 MadameBoisseau
Joined: 12/16/2016
Msg: 75
Why do men disappear after a couple days of talking?
Posted: 12/31/2016 10:44:37 AM
I have the opposite problem: i dont understand why people demand verbal confirmation that it isnt working out. If there is no relationship or committed to plans, if someone doesnt talk to you, who cares? They dont owe you an explanation or a good bye. I think demanding one reeks of egotism and an inability to provide one's self closure.
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