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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Being available: Bad or Good?      Home login  
Joined: 4/4/2013
Msg: 13
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Being available: Bad or Good?Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
Texting a lot is fine while you're both doing it, but what if one person has a bad day and doesn't feel like it, or they get busy or something else happens, the person sending loads of texts and not getting loads back can end up reading a whole load of stuff into the sudden drop off that might not even be there, like thinking the other person has changed their mind or is cheating on them or whatever pops into their heads.

Texting is ok as a way of touching base, sharing a funny or other stuff like that but it should never be a relacement for face to face conversation, it's too impersonal and i think to an extent it displaces intimacy, texting is to a face to face chat what a hand and a jar of vaseline is to a night of earth moving and angels weeping, it just doesn't really compare.
Joined: 5/1/2015
Msg: 14
Being available: Bad or Good?
Posted: 5/21/2015 5:02:05 AM
Good!!! Hate it when people aren't available. Gets annoying
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 15
Being available: Bad or Good?
Posted: 5/21/2015 6:51:01 AM
I do not have a cell phone, I have always had a landline. my signal never breaks up.

i have never texted.

I do not even KNOW HOW to text. i'm proud of that.

i have a slim idea on how to use a cell phone when i borrowed one once and had to ask how to shut it off.

i drive to Cleveland and Pittsburgh with no phone.

i see people walking around with their heads down looking at a rectangular box as if it contained the essence of life itself on this planet and it's disgusting.

1970 was a very good year.

better than 2015 in many ways.
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 16
Being available: Bad or Good?
Posted: 5/21/2015 10:19:49 AM
Texting is fine as a flirting and communication tool, provided you have established a few things first...
1) Have you met in real life?
Until you have met, you still won't know who is doing the typing on the other side. It could be their kids, or parent, or someone else who has hijacked their account. You NEED to meet in real life to establish a communication link that's confident and solid. Anything outside of that - you are messaging a fantasy.

2) Have you discussed your communication methods?
People won't say they get turned off by texting unless you ask. They'll just get fed up and drop the conversation. You HAVE to be OK with talking by voice or Skype or other methods as well. Being inflexible gets you nowhere fast.

3) Do you know the appropriate times to have a discussion?
My driving commute home is roughly between 4 and 5 pm. I'm not texting or reading texts during that time, and it's incredibly annoying when I've already told the other person I'm on the road and they continue to message. People aren't going to reply instantly if they are in the shower or in surgery or behind the wheel. Picking your times to chat or talk or date or whatever is crucial to keeping a good vibe going, yet so many people are just plain ignorant and don't even bother asking if it's OK to talk.
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 17
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Being available: Bad or Good?
Posted: 5/21/2015 8:46:32 PM

You are of a different generation to me and I find texting robotic and to be used only for short messages and emergencies. Like TGIF333 says I have a landline and prefer to use that. But cell phones are fine for emergencies and short messages. I would not be without mine for that reason and that reason only.

if a guy is not happy to talk and hear each other's voices, then I would lose interest. It takes no effort to push a few buttons to send a message during the day,so impersonal.

Your friends are right you seen to be too keen too early, have a relationship. It can be a turnoff. You are tall, nice looking and educated, so try not to come off so eager especially if the girl concerned is not so keen. If you are in a relationship then the regular texts may be fine if both are happy to do it. Otherwise it can be irritating and intrusive.
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 18
Being available: Bad or Good?
Posted: 5/22/2015 8:25:29 AM
YOU Mr. Poflegend are clingy as (fill in the blank)

You have sex within the first few days. Promise the world, expect it back. Get butthurt when things don't go you way and on top of all that need that minute by minute contact.

CLINGY AS ......... !!!!

Being available is moderation that is. Othewise, bad... very bad.
One must still have a life to live.

Yoda says so
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 19
Being available: Bad or Good?
Posted: 5/22/2015 10:29:28 AM
yoda also lived along on a mudbog of a planet

Joined: 11/19/2011
Msg: 20
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Being available: Bad or Good?
Posted: 5/30/2015 8:00:42 AM
Then there is people like me who can't stand talking on the phone. I would rather talk in person or text. I don't keep texting some one to have a conversation. I text a bit at the beginning to set up a date. Recently I have found though is a lot of women are flaky. We will be texting back and forth for a few days and set up a date. When it gets close to the day they make up an excuse why they can't go. The last girl I talked, we planned a date and the day came and I asked her if we were still on for meeting. She never answered back. I haven't talked to her since.
Joined: 4/1/2012
Msg: 21
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Being available: Bad or Good?
Posted: 6/2/2015 5:18:56 PM
My opinion is that YOU (or anybody) has/have to do what is comfortable (or feels right) to YOU, and let, "the chips fall where they may".

"To thine own self be true."

In a "relationship", I don't mind sending/receiving, "Good morning"/"Good night", "How's your day?" texts. Though, I guess if she or I were really sincere and thoughtful, anything beyond "Good morning"/"Good night" would be better suited for a telephone call. How can you possibly sincerely recap your day/meeting/job interview/physician visit, etc. via text?

When just getting to know a woman or generic dating, I don't particular want to receive numerous and/or daily texts (as, unlike seemingly, everyone else on the planet, I do NOT check my phone 137 times per day. My cell phone is for MY convenience, NOT so I can be accessible to every worrisome black hole of a person looking for an ear to listen to their monologue.

I am not, nor have I ever been a, "talk to you everyday" kind of guy. So, when simply dating, I tend to limit my texts to things like, firming up plans, directions, or if either party is lost or running late.

I subscribe to the old showbiz saying, "Always leave 'em wanting more", which could be translated to, "Don't say too much, or stay too long."
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 22
Being available: Bad or Good?
Posted: 6/2/2015 5:50:20 PM
POFLegend- Some here are not liking that those of us who are older are telling you to talk to someone in person, as if it's because we are dinosaurs.
I'm aware that SOME younger people prefer texting, I find it tedious and impersonal.
The last man that messaged me here REALLY had my interest, we started out messaging and he wanted to meet and so did I, but all he wanted to do was text. I asked him to call me, even offered to call him, there was always some excuse why he couldn't talk.
We never got to an actual date, if someone can't take the time to have an actual conversation on the phone, I'm gone.
How can you convey things like sense of humor, actual emotion, with a text?
That's not my age asking that, it's my common sense.
OP, I'm worried about you, you seem a little TOO desperate, needy, you get involved too quick and relationship hop.
You're right, it isn't a game, there is not a person on earth that can make you feel whole as a person, or happy, but you.
To seek that in someone else is not really fair to them, get your mind right and STOP this nonsense before it's too late
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 23
Being available: Bad or Good?
Posted: 6/5/2015 9:12:19 AM

I am sorry Charmin, but it's not fair that you have Mr Yoda all to yourself,

I did say in the married thread that I am selfish. Buahahhaaaa *winks (omg, I winked!)

Be yourself and don't pretend to be unavailable or mysterious.
Mutual interest is hard to find indeed.
That's fine. Accept it. You seem to be stuck not accepting that.
SOME folks WILL be as interested. Keep up the search :)

Excellent counsel sir, I concur

Only because I have a hearing impairment, do I prefer texting over a telephone call (but I will try the phone if I think I can get away with it... Still embarrassed sometimes with new beaus and my hearing).

Ahhh.,, hoh? From birth? like myself :)
I get embarassed too.
There's a perfectionist and professionalism in me and when I deal with the **stardly inept cellphones that prevents me from conducting a conversation the way I wish, I go NUTS. I sure do miss the old phones. Even using old phones when the other caller is using a cell makes no difference. It's all garbled to me. I hate it! Texting it is then.
Besides, I'll have proof of what's said in text if ever in an argument. *cue evil laughter*
And may I welcome you to the forums Runningmom. *tips invisible hat*
Make some popcorn, grab a seat, a tissuebox (if you're the teary kind) and put on your seatbelt. Welcome!!!
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 24
Being available: Bad or Good?
Posted: 6/5/2015 9:55:41 AM

Be yourself and don't pretend to be unavailable or mysterious.

Sound advice.

I'd add to ask yourself; how good are you at explaining yourself?
If you do - or do not like texting, then by God TELL the person you are communicating with. It's lovely that people come in here and state their opinions and explanations why to a bunch of random forumites, but if you can't state your case to a romantic potential - what business do you have bothering with internet dating, anyway?

I say that because I've had a remarkable number of starting conversations end within about six sentences over 2-3 replies or so - just End. No replies. I'm left wondering constantly if the person was a flake, if they found something in a background check, just had a car accident, I said something stupid or they were messaged by someone else of greater interest; like their dog.

How can anyone possibly know what is going on from a handful of one-sentence (or even two-word) replies? If texting disgusts you to such a degree you feel ill, then maybe THAT should be the second sentence you tell the person who is struggling to make a connection. Internet connections are always starting with a text message or e-mail, so it's going to be a necessary evil at LEAST at the start - but if you like it to change, you HAVE to state something - and you HAVE to state it by typing real words on a screen and hitting 'Send' - because over the internet, nobody can see you shrug or wince or make puking noises reacting to what you read.
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 25
Being available: Bad or Good?
Posted: 6/5/2015 10:08:00 AM
"What if (Yoda) could use the force to well, get the ladies all hot and bothered. Promote some unique form of stimulation. "

>>>to quote Obi Wan Kenobi,

"its like a million voices....crying out...."

I'll confess, not much of a phone or text person. I like being in person, you can read the body language and put a little bit of "delivery" into your jokes and puns.
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 26
Being available: Bad or Good?
Posted: 6/5/2015 10:21:14 AM

I'll confess, not much of a phone or text person. I like being in person, you can read the body language and put a little bit of "delivery" into your jokes and puns.

I'm told I'm very animate in person.
As Howie Mandel once quipped "I'm Italian, I talk with my hands!"
Joined: 12/24/2013
Msg: 27
Being available: Bad or Good?
Posted: 6/7/2015 6:40:27 AM
I always warn guys that I'm not a big texter. I'd much rather meet up or set aside the time for a phone call . I don't mind the one liner type of texts: "It was great seeing you last night.", "Are you free to hang out this Saturday", but when it comes to full blown conversations, a guy is going to be disappointed with my response time. I'm unable to text at work, and when I get a bit of free time, the last thing I want to do is be attached to my phone. So for me, it's more of a time thing. I like to use my time wisely, and I don't see fruitless texting as a way to do that. Considering I do warn a guy about the texting, I equate his continuing to try to converse with me via text vs. talk as a guy who isn't serious.
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