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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Do women run the show early in the relationship? If so how do men fee      Home login  
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 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 51
Do women run the show early in the relationship? If so how do men feel about it?Page 3 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I am always suspicious of profiles created within the last week, and are an attempt to brag and b*llshit around.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 52
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Do women run the show early in the relationship? If so how do men feel about it?
Posted: 5/24/2015 10:06:50 PM
Il Capitano

That was funny. Thanks for the laugh.

All the huffing and puffing about being European and always setting the pace and controlling things. He meets a woman and within two weeks she already has him pvssy whipped because she is hotter than he has had for a while and she deigns to give him sex after he begs but on her terms. Too funny.....
 scorpioinOregon
Joined: 7/20/2014
Msg: 53
Do women run the show early in the relationship? If so how do men feel about it?
Posted: 5/24/2015 11:10:02 PM
Women aren't supposed to control the relationship. Men aren't supposed to control the relationship. It's a give and take thing.

My relationship broke up in Feb. and I really wasn't looking for anyone but met someone IRL who asked me out and we really hit it off and have been out several times and have been spending a lot of time together recently. We stay in touch and find out what works for both of us. Neither one of us is in control or "run the show"
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 54
Do women run the show early in the relationship? If so how do men feel about it?
Posted: 5/25/2015 8:47:18 PM
The woman you are describing is me, how flattering. Yes, I run the show, I dominate my relationships as often men have no clue what I want, when I want it, etc. I do make believe they are the ones running the show but if I don't say yes, what does that say about who actually is running the show? They were/are not beta-males, they just don't have a clue about women because they didn't grow up around them. Men who grow up around women, have a different understand, they know what not to do. My ex even knew about panty hoses, his mom sent him to the store of anything she needed, who knew? He even knew to scratch my back when I took my bra off or when he did, I call it perfection.

I don't know what the big deal is about it all. One of my friends says he adores me because he doesn't ever have to think about making plans with me. I say when, how, what time, what we are doing, and all he does is pay for most of it. We've been friends for a year now. He is relieved that he doesn't have to do all the thinking, crack his head about how to spend time with me, I just handle all the planning, and he just shows up and we drive, and he pays. What's wrong with sitting back and relaxing, it's not about respect, you advocate for what makes you happy, and he just obliges, you can't go wrong. Happy wife=happy life.

I'm not bossy, I just express what I'd like, they don't have to think about it, I make it easy, I open my mouth, communication is key in any relationship. For those who cannot fathom a woman who doesn't make him guess, and he wants to play blues clues or something, we're not a match.

Like R. Kelly says......I don't see nothing wrong............
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 55
Do women run the show early in the relationship? If so how do men feel about it?
Posted: 5/25/2015 9:51:34 PM
I am in a early stages of dating a woman and I just noticed that everything we do is on her terms.
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That's not the way it should work.

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We meet when it is comfortable and convinent for her.
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If you are dating, you should want to see each other, so you should not have trouble finding time when it's convenient for both of you. On the other hand,
If one of you has a more flexible schedule than the other, it may be easier for one person to work around the other. However, you ought to decide what "more flexible" means. For example, if she has to wash her hair on saturday night, I would not count that as part of her schedule.

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We live 45 mins away so I always volunteer to drive to her because I know if I asked her to do it she would find an excuse not to.
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Some women don't like to drive and I personally would not want my gf to drive 45 minutes home late at night unless she insisted, in which case, I'd be waiting up until she got home safely anyway. However, that's just me and it's the 21st century, so you would be perfectly within your rights to expect the driving to be shared equally.

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When we have sex it is when she says we can or when she feels like it.
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I've never encountered this problem and if I did, it would be a problem. If my gf didn't feel like having sex very often and she didn't take the initiative some ofvthe time, she just wouldn't be sexually interesting enough to date.

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When we text I am the one always trying to reach out to her and she replies on her own terms if at all, sometimes hours after my own texts.
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That's easy to fix. Stop texting her. If she never texts you again, you won't have to make that 45 minute drive and you can date someone closer to home who is more interested in sex.

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The relationship progresses on her pace, if she doesnt want to give us a tittle or commit to not see other men she wont, only after she decides we are a couple are we an official couple.
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That means you should ignore most of the above and forget about any relationship with this woman. If she wants to see other guys, just have sex with her while you look for someone else, if the sex is worth the drive. She isn't relationship material.

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So I am confused here, if a woman has all the power why do women love a guy who takes charge? How can a guy take lead when a girl pretty much has the final say on how fast the relationship goes, how does a man take back control?
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Easy. Don't be such a pvssy. Your control is your willingness to walk away, just like her control is her willingness to walk away.

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What do I have to do to make the relationship more equal?
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I'd say having sex with her when it's convenient and you feel like driving 45 minutes would do it, just so long as you don't mistake that for a relationship and you don't get sucked into one. She is not worth it, even if she is Helen of Fvcking Troy.
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 56
Do women run the show early in the relationship? If so how do men feel about it?
Posted: 5/25/2015 9:53:38 PM
They were/are not beta-males, they just don't have a clue about women because they didn't grow up around them.
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No they are worse. They have terminal PW.
 Whatsamatterbaby
Joined: 5/6/2015
Msg: 57
Do women run the show early in the relationship? If so how do men feel about it?
Posted: 5/25/2015 10:07:52 PM
PW... Password? Power windows? Try to articulate!
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 58
Do women run the show early in the relationship? If so how do men feel about it?
Posted: 5/25/2015 10:35:21 PM
Posted: 5/23/2015 404 PMI am not a "beta" male I am one of the top daters in POF history, been here for 10 years, dated around 200-300 women on this site, had several long term relationships. Can write a book on dating and relating.




OMG! !! I just pissed myself laughing so hard.
Oooookay Mr. ....."legend"

If I read any more I'll end up needing depends.
 benartflick
Joined: 3/8/2012
Msg: 59
Do women run the show early in the relationship? If so how do men feel about it?
Posted: 5/26/2015 8:33:27 AM
"The one that cares the least has ALL the power..."

Another far-fetched point of view here not worthy of two cents.

Some people are bossy. Some gotta be in full control for whatever reason.

There must be a few here like that. If so, please share with us why you're that way. Is it the care factor?
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 60
real men can handle it
Posted: 5/26/2015 9:35:54 AM
ignore that man behind the curtain.

re:Belle's post

such a woman as she described, can be a breath of fresh air. two captains of the ship rarely work well in the same room, so it seems natural born leaders tend to find the passive. that said, if a man has found a slew of flaky women who just don't know what they want, its nice to finally meet a woman who knows what she wants and isn't afraid to take charge. its nice to lay back sometimes, and let someone else do the heavy mental lifting.

that being said, familiarity and maturity can help create this situation. I have had a friend for the last two decades, it used to be I was the social director. now she's 58 and starting to call some shots of her own. the rest of time, we both know we want the same thing (a walk on the beach followed by soft serve ice cream, etc), so we just agree to go do it.

I suspect "PW" stands for being whipped by a....kitty.

as for taking charge by any means, yeah, had to work with some of those, or I should say I worked around them--which truly lit their hair on fire, making it worthwhile :) its an insecurity thing, and those who really push their insecurity....its so fun to push their buttons.

some people are just afraid to lose any little bit of control. they'll make themselves look stupid in front of others, in a desperate attempt to get it back. they lack self respect, so looking stupid to get the look of being control doesn't strike them as...looking bad.
 benartflick
Joined: 3/8/2012
Msg: 61
real men can handle it
Posted: 5/26/2015 10:30:24 AM

ignore that man behind the curtain.



Who should we ignore and why?

Are you the self-appointed leader of this forum?

Are we suppose to drive members you don't like (for reasons you won't share) away from this forum?

Why should we blackball a member?

Some of us prefer a reason - not just an order.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 62
real men can handle it
Posted: 5/26/2015 10:44:48 AM
who should we ignore?

anyone we feel like. I had a transgender man once tell me, "never let anyone stay in your head rent free"

smartest thing he ever said.

why let someone stay in our head rent free? there must be better things to accomplish than to give someone the permission to torment our own selves.

am I the self-appointed leader? I guess if I say so :)

i'll swap it over to POFLegend, he claims to know how to herd cats.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 63
Do women run the show early in the relationship? If so how do men feel about it?
Posted: 5/26/2015 10:56:11 AM

"The one that cares the least has ALL the power..."
Another far-fetched point of view here not worthy of two cents.

Maybe if you don't like it. Truth is if two people are together and one is real into it and one can take it or leave it - the one that's really into the other will defer to the person they're into.

Some people are bossy. Some gotta be in full control for whatever reason.

If the person they're with goes along with everything they want without question - is that bossy? When I don't care as much about the "relationship" the person I'm dealing with doesn't have to do anything I want at all - they are free to go elsewhere. I'm not keeping them. If they don't want to go elsewhere, that's not my bossiness, that's their choice.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 64
real men can handle it
Posted: 5/26/2015 11:37:29 AM
Wait a sec, I don't call people who take directions well, passive. I find that they are assertive and laid back, they know that giving someone what they want will never fail.

I don't like people who are asked "so what do you want to do?" and the other says "I don't know, whatever you want", like what is that? There is nothing like getting a good answer when you ask a question, something that says you actually have an opinion, things you want to do, specific things you want to eat, experiences you want to have, etc. Saying "I don't know, whatever you want" comes off as not being all that interested so whatever the other person wants is fine.

He doesn't have to agree with what I want, but at least take it into consideration for another time. Maybe is just asking to get a baseline, to assess for mood/adventure potential, and range of activities, not necessarily that he is going to give me what I want (but nice try, lol).

It's not about control, it's about consideration and negotiation. How is the other person supposed to know what you want if you don't communicate it? The person who expresses more of their "wants" whereas the other complies, is usually seen as dominant.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 65
real men can handle it
Posted: 5/26/2015 11:54:48 AM
OK, I'll correct my previous statement. Some people can act passive, but not be passive. and I don't always consider "passive" to be a negative thing. I always figured, "lead, follow, but get out of the damn way!". and you are correct, Belle, that sometimes its the weak who boss, and the strong who observe. a strong leader can say, "if you have a better solution, let's hear it. the ultimate goal is to solve the problem, not worry about the credit".

as for your second paragraph, when people ask, "how do I keep a person's attention?", I wonder if they can be described as the person you describe. some people are just average. because someone has to be.

ok, let me correct that, too (as self appointed leader, i'm rescinding my order to give the crown to POFLegend--Belle's doing a good job of keeping me in line). Being average isn't a negative thing. no, really. we're all average at something. and statistically speaking, average people have better chances at dating b/c...they're looking for someone like them. and being average, most of the people under the Bell Curve (that's statistic Bell Curve, not any of Belle's Curves:) ) share a lot in common.

for example, someone with average intelligence will want a smart cookie. but what's their definition of intelligence? why, someone who's as smart as they are, of course :) so they'll be happy with someone that some snob can't stand. bully for the average person, they are happy. like Neitzche said about the donkey happy to eat hay--what else does he need in life to be happy? so he is.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 66
real men can handle it
Posted: 5/26/2015 12:10:14 PM

some people are just average. because someone has to be.

Hurrumph!!!
 benartflick
Joined: 3/8/2012
Msg: 67
real men can handle it
Posted: 5/26/2015 3:02:41 PM
GTO, you wrote "ignore the man behind the curtain"

I asked who is that member and why should we ignore him.

Obviously, I misunderstood what you meant. Cause if you really meant to ignore a member you would have given his or her name and gave one example of what she or he did wrong in your mind. Otherwise many might think you're spineless coward. I kinda doubt that. We were kinda neighbors - remember?

I'm curious. What did you mean by 'ignore the man behind the curtain'?

When I was new on another website, Zoetrope.com, I received zmails recommending that I ignore 3 other members. I was never given a reason and I didn't ask for one. Like most Americans I think what went on in the 50's was wrong. I still think that kind of thing is wrong today. My opinion!


WomanInProgress

"If the person they're with goes along with everything they want without question - is that bossy?"

I don't think so.

I think my two sisters were somewhat bossy. Apparently their husbands had to ask for permission to go out with me. Then they were told what time to be home by. They didn't obey. (My fault, of course. I'm a baaaad man!)

Like most men, I guess, I would never consider telling my wife or girlfriend what time to be home. All I recall saying was, "Have a good time."

Looking way back when male strip joints became popular and my wife went with her friends to one - twice, I wouldn't say have fun again. After seeing videos of what went on in a few, I probably would have said, "A glass or bottle better be the only thing touching your lips tonight until you get home."
 springorfall
Joined: 5/17/2015
Msg: 68
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Do women run the show early in the relationship? If so how do men feel about it?
Posted: 5/26/2015 3:16:33 PM
share expectations and set boundaries when beginning a relationship, if something bothers you then let the other person know, not everyone can read minds. It's common to want to put 'the best foot forward' in the beginning, but it's best to just be honest so the relationship can be built on reality, not what one person thinks the other person wants.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 69
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Do women run the show early in the relationship? If so how do men feel about it?
Posted: 5/26/2015 4:40:53 PM
The guy may have had 200-300 first meets and that is as far as it got. A few that lasted a few months over 10 years perhaps. Top dater?? Has no clue about women even after all that experience. lol!!
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 70
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Do women run the show early in the relationship? If so how do men feel about it?
Posted: 5/26/2015 4:48:59 PM
Anyone can clock up 300 meets in 10 years and many have done much more than that. Long term?? I would say a few months perhaps. Meeting is not dating.....lol!!
 pepperstrand
Joined: 1/25/2015
Msg: 71
Do women run the show early in the relationship? If so how do men feel about it?
Posted: 5/26/2015 7:20:35 PM
We are not longer in the dark ages sexually speaking. If a woman is always calling the shots, this sounds sort of controlling on her part. A relationship is give and take. I believe in equality. It seems as though she is sort of using you. If she wants a man to fall in love then something has to be given back. It sounds very one-sided. I wish you would chat with her about this and let her know it is not o.k. Maybe she is just toying with you because she can. Stand up for yourself and don't be afraid to speak your mind. Just my thoughts.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 72
real men can handle it
Posted: 5/26/2015 7:35:16 PM
"ignore that man behind the curtain" is a quote from the Wizard of Oz, and there's all sorts of speculation about what it symbolizes--the state of America in 1920's, etc. If one hasn't googled all the explanations, go ahead, its mildly interesting. I thought of that when Ben mentioned the Communist scare of the 1950's. Wasn't it the Crucible that riffed on that? anyway, the comment itself wasn't worth worrying about--researching the wizard of oz would be more interesting.

ben, you mentioned your wife went twice to a strip joint and after watching videos, you were leery of what touched her lips. i'll assume the videos were not of her, but perhaps if she saw things being done that should not be done, she may have thought that all people were capable of that, and made a tempest out of a teapot of dancing. or maybe not.

being bossy is like grabbing a wet bar of soap--the tighter the grasp, the faster it jumps out. as .38 Special sang, best to hold on loosely. in the end, looking for a healthy relationship tends to find one. trying to buy a person's attention tends to open one up to being used.
 benartflick
Joined: 3/8/2012
Msg: 73
real men can handle it
Posted: 5/27/2015 5:18:58 AM
"you were leery of what touched her lips"

Nooooo! I trusted my wife.

From another thread: 'know your audience'. I do, now, and shame on me for attempting any humor HERE. I was kidding. If I was to say that to my wife, who was about to go to a strip joint, I would be kidding with her and she would know it. You, a man, couldn't tell I was jesting. Amazing!

Recently on the cheating thread a member brought up one of my jokes. It's a funny joke to some - NOT HERE.

That member (unless she's lying) can't understanding that sometimes the joke teller attempts to make the listener believe it's a true story. Even after trying to explain to her it WAS A JOKE and NOT TRUE, she doesn't understand. I must be lying.

I'm not married, but I joke about my non-existing wife all the time in the poker room. For example, I noticed a sign on the wall that read, "The 3rd man rule is in effect." I said my wife has that sign over our bed, I don't have a clue what it means. A silly joke that works with some people - not here I'm sure.

I tried one here. You and many others gave me a lot of flack about it. The main thought I had at the time - these people can't be serious. What an I doing here?

I was at a poker table and two old guys were bad mouthing their wives for about 10 minutes. One stated that they all turn into ****es after age 50. I said my wife's an angel. They said I was very lucky- most of them are ****es. (it's the timing I guess - I looked serious and waited to say..) Lucky? I loved my wife even though she was a **** when she was alive.

If you try that at a poker table, you will get laughs. Not here! Here, it appears any joke involving women (unless you're part of a click) is offensive. This forum does remind me of an old TV show - something with Zone in it.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 74
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History
real men can handle it
Posted: 5/27/2015 2:54:12 PM

cassie_smiles
Wasn't there a deleted profile who bragged he had dated about 250 women, another woman that has dated 150 men and then there is the legend of POF, Cowboy, who dated upwards to 400 women.


No, no, no, you’ve got this all wrong. Cowboy never claimed to have dated 400 women. What he said was that he had been on more than 200 initial meets, or “meet and greet”, or “coffee dates” (although he preferred something stronger than coffee).

If you’re going to tell stories about the old timers, try to get it right.

Referring to the Wizard of Oz, the exact quote is


Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain


And you’re right, there are many, many interpretations.
 Kissfromarose77
Joined: 4/13/2015
Msg: 75
real men can handle it
Posted: 5/27/2015 5:17:05 PM

Anyone can clock up 300 meets in 10 years and many have done much more than that. Long term?? I would say a few months perhaps. Meeting is not dating.....lol!!


I've heard some women claim that they had 200 or 300 dates from this site. I don't think this is possible for a man, even if he's over 6 ft, looks like a male model and has a 6 figure income.
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