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 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 51
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Another cheap tipperPage 3 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
^^^^Good point. Depends on place. I guess a bartender can REALLY take care of you if you take care of him. They can get away with BUYING you a drink or putting more alcohol in the drink if they want to. I find tipping bouncers is best!

But cab drivers it is something that leaves a bad taste in the mouth. Yes if you want to GET THERE on time it pays to let them know upfront there is a reward because they are notorious for going around in circles. But something bothers me about tipping them so I won't be scammed or as much!
 MrNomer
Joined: 3/25/2015
Msg: 52
Another cheap tipper
Posted: 5/27/2015 5:50:15 PM

I explained I'm a former waitress and I don't just go by %


Typically on smaller bills the percentage is higher ...

10 ---- $3
20 - 30 --- $5

often restaurants will have loss leaders to get customers and hopefully generate better tips for staff.

eg) a place that serves breakfast for 4-5$ .. OFTEN people will just leave 10$ on the table. ... Similar thing occurs for lunch(midday) specials ... sometimes

I wouldn't write the guy off of for it. .... :-) HE could be doing that five times a week, from pof.
 Strawberry_Jello
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 53
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Another cheap tipper
Posted: 5/27/2015 6:59:22 PM
OK, thanks for all the responses. Even though I think I'm "right", I can still honor the wisdom of the group. The majority think I'm wrong. So I'll do my best to soften my position on this.

A few responses.

No, it did not start on a sour note. We met in the parking lot as we both arrived right on time together, we both recognized each other right away. Conversation flowed easily, with smiles and laughter right away.

As time went on, he said a couple of things that made me think, "uh oh, maybe not"

I did NOT tell him what to do with his $2.00. I implied he could take it back since I was leaving my tip. He DID try to tell me what to do with my $5.00. He repeatedly tried to convince me I was wrong to leave my $5.00. I was trying to be pleasant, trying to be non confrontational. He came back to it even after I softly explained myself. See, I'm financially independent. So that means I don't need a man to financially support me. But I also don't need a man to tell me how to spend, or not spend, my money. That to me was controlling.

Those of you who indicated he won't be asking for a second date, yeah, I know. And I don't want to date someone who thinks he can tell me how to spend my money.

When the similar thing happened last year, that guy accused me of being passive aggressive. Oh gawd, psycho-babble! NO, not what I want! And he said "when I pay I can leave what I want" Except he apparently forgot that I DID pay for my own meal. Geez.

As for all the people who think a $2.00 tip is fine for a $10.00 tab, I disagree. 20% is a guide. You tip more or less for better or worse service. I also like to factor in how much effort the waitress exerts, how many trips to the table. If she put in just as much effort serving me my tea and toast as she would if I had a whole meal, well then she's earned more than the standard 20% of a low tab, she's earned a tip that corresponds to her effort.

Disparaging wait staff is disgusting. Many of those people are young and studying to eventually have those higher paying jobs. Even if they aren't, we should respect a hard days work.

Anyway, again, thanks. I'll try to handle it better from now on.
 newoldgirl
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 54
Another cheap tipper
Posted: 5/27/2015 7:23:15 PM

why not become a CEO and make millions?
why not become a doctor and make multi millions?
why not flip houses and make tens of thousands?
why not be a landlord and own an apartment complex?
why not own a tanning salon and gym?
why not be a painter or a carpenter and make a decent wage?

oh yeah I remember why now. they decided not to go or they were not able to go to college or they decided it would be an easy path just to do as little as possible with their human potential. they may have decided it was smart to have a child at 18 years of age or any number of things that set them on the server career path.

we make decisions in life and we should ask ourselves this question:
is my life in the hands of others by tipping or do I take the bull by the horns and make my own life's choices to become financially stabile?

end result - life isn't fair.


If you really understood that life is unfair, you would not make so many of the judgments that you just did. What you perceive to be simple choices that merely involve working hard, might be very nearly impossible for some people...but aside from all that you are not going to change any of that by not leaving a decent tip, so keep in mind that the people you see as slackers who do nothing with their human potential still have bills to pay, so don't be cheap.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 55
Another cheap tipper
Posted: 5/27/2015 8:06:25 PM

As for all the people who think a $2.00 tip is fine for a $10.00 tab, I disagree. 20% is a guide. You tip more or less for better or worse service. I also like to factor in how much effort the waitress exerts, how many trips to the table. If she put in just as much effort serving me my tea and toast as she would if I had a whole meal, well then she's earned more than the standard 20% of a low tab, she's earned a tip that corresponds to her effort.


Sorry OP. I agree with most others. Unless there was extraordinary service, 15-20% tip is okay. Maybe I could understand adding an extra $1. But $5-7 tip is not necessary for something that cost $10. Plus you basically implied that he was cheap with your actions.
 motowncowgirl
Joined: 3/24/2015
Msg: 56
Another cheap tipper
Posted: 5/28/2015 4:04:15 AM

As for all the people who think a $2.00 tip is fine for a $10.00 tab, I disagree. 20% is a guide. You tip more or less for better or worse service.

especially since there are so many opportunities to get served tea and toast in a way that makes the experience extraordinary.


I also like to factor in how much effort the waitress exerts,

I will pay her an extra $5 (flat rate) if she pretends to be straining under the weight of a cheap tray with a few coffee cups and slices of toast on it. while moving at full speed to ensure I don't have to wait a second longer. oh and she'd better be smiling and make it look extremely sincere.


Disparaging wait staff is disgusting.

that's right but disparaging your date for leaving a 20% tip is a-ok.
 Eternitygracesme
Joined: 5/18/2015
Msg: 57
Another cheap tipper
Posted: 5/28/2015 4:09:20 AM


I did NOT tell him what to do with his $2.00. I implied he could take it back since I was leaving my tip. He DID try to tell me what to do with my $5.00. He repeatedly tried to convince me I was wrong to leave my $5.00. I was trying to be pleasant, trying to be non confrontational. He came back to it even after I softly explained myself. See, I'm financially independent. So that means I don't need a man to financially support me. But I also don't need a man to tell me how to spend, or not spend, my money. That to me was controlling.


No, what you did was insult your date -- and you made it your mission to do so, in a blaze of self-righteous martyrdom. He paid for your snack and he'd have paid more if you wanted more; and that tip would have increased, too.

You should have thanked him (and thanked the server with more of tip, privately).
 Strawberry_Jello
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 58
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Another cheap tipper
Posted: 5/28/2015 4:40:54 AM
It was not my intention or mission to insult him. Yet I do not want a relationship with a man who would be so easily insulted. My demeanor was not self righteous, I was pleasant, offered an explanation, tolerated his telling me I was in the wrong repeatedly without arguing. I simply did not withdraw my tip. Other men have been more gracious about this trait of mine, except for one guy last year.

You are assuming he'd have paid more if I wanted more. Very possible if I ordered more he'd want me to pay my share. He did mention encountering meal whores on other dates, after I placed my order. Not that there's anything wrong with him identifying that.

I did thank him for meeting and my snack.

Oh, I should hide my personality from my dates? Eh, not so much.

Do you hide anything from your dates? Do you tiptoe around a man's feelings?



No, what you did was insult your date -- and you made it your mission to do so, in a blaze of self-righteous martyrdom. He paid for your snack and he'd have paid more if you wanted more; and that tip would have increased, too.

You should have thanked him (and thanked the server with more of tip, privately).
 motowncowgirl
Joined: 3/24/2015
Msg: 59
Another cheap tipper
Posted: 5/28/2015 5:45:09 AM
seems like you were both 'taking it personally' in your own way. he was 'taking it personally' because he thought you were calling him cheap by implication, when in fact you were doing precisely that (even though you avoided the actual word in his presence). and you were 'taking it personally' because you used to be a waitress and wanted to send a message TO HIM (the message you were sending to the waitress was a given), even though a 20% tip is perfectly generous by any American tipping standard. thus, the 'showdown'..... and tipping the waitress privately would have clearly defeated your underlying purpose.

in the context of the 'meal whore' card being laid right out there on the table, sort of funny.... a game of oneupsmanship. at least you can't blame him for being out of touch with the subtleties of the situation!
 kayla_58
Joined: 5/23/2015
Msg: 60
Another cheap tipper
Posted: 5/28/2015 6:28:52 AM

Do you hide anything from your dates? Do you tiptoe around a man's feelings?

Common courtesy revolves around the consideration of others' feelings.

The loutish behavior you exhibited in the face of another's generosity reflects a lack of understanding with respect to the manner in which one would show their appreciation to a host(ess) or any person who offered a "gift."

Your criticism of what you perceived to be his lack of generosity was extremely tacky. There are a hundred ways to augment his tip without being "in his grill" about it. Drop it on the table as you leave, slip it under your plate, excuse yourself to use the restroom and find the server, etc.

I agree with Motown ... making sure the waitstaff had what you perceived to be an adequate tip was NOT your mission. In your quest to make a point about tipping, you denigrated your host/date in public, behaved like a boor and showed your own lack of upbringing, turning a potentially pleasant date into a confrontation and a campaign for server's rights, likely emasculating your escort in the process.


See, I'm financially independent. So that means I don't need a man to financially support me. But I also don't need a man to tell me how to spend, or not spend, my money. That to me was controlling.


I have always earned a more than adequate salary, yet never felt the need to remind my "dates" I had my own money and knew how to use it.

I think you need to examine your own insecurities around money, power and how you perceive the contribution of money=power to the issue of "control" in a relationship. If you cannot accept the simple gesture of picking up a tab with graciousness, don't accept a date unless you are certain that you will be able to pay for at least your own share or you feel that you will have the control you need over how the bill/tip is paid.

Tacky, tacky, tacky.
 kj521
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 61
Another cheap tipper
Posted: 5/28/2015 6:29:32 AM
I like to over tip also if the service is lovely.
But I wouldn't know if my recent dates were under or over tipping as I didn't see the check.
Goodness....the last one had to order for me because I forgot my glasses. That's always embarrassing.
Well...actually....I am getting quite use to asking random strangers to read things for me or at least hold it and stand a few feet back. :)

I did steal a tip once, though....not intentionally and I still embarrassed by it. :/
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 62
Another cheap tipper
Posted: 5/28/2015 6:39:33 AM

I did steal a tip once, though....not intentionally and I still embarrassed by it. :/


You know I have to ask. ;)
 eternalrealist2015
Joined: 4/23/2015
Msg: 63
Another cheap tipper
Posted: 5/28/2015 7:06:07 AM

Oh, I should hide my personality from my dates? Eh, not so much.

Do you hide anything from your dates? Do you tiptoe around a man's feelings?


I think what a lot of us don't get is why THIS became such an issue to you, a matter of 'right and wrong'. Why not leave the $$ as he walked away.

You weren't compatible with this guy which happens (lots of times, to all of us) but you chose to come here and bash him in the forums - label him as cheap/inflexible/humorless.

Why 'overtip' as a litmus test (which you admitted you do). Is that flexible? I mean, it's clearly something that matters to you, but I think that it is inflexible on your part. And you were calling him out for the same thing.

I think people on BOTH sides of the 'I always overtip' and '20% is reasonable even if it's just $2' don't really understand why he became the bad guy vs someone who just wasn't right for you.
 kj521
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 64
Another cheap tipper
Posted: 5/28/2015 7:12:59 AM
Oooh...yeah...Mr. Crookcatcher....I might have to tell you that one privately.
I wouldn't want to ruin y'all's impression of me as being smart! ;)

Oh what heck..may as well give you a glimpse of the real KJ....

I was out to brunch with my sister and brother-in-law...as we were leaving my brother-in-law was looking into in his wallet and said "I think a $20 fell out."
He then looks at me and says..."If you go back in and get it...you can keep it."

Now I know what y'all are thinking....how dumb can she be?!

Here's my defense....I was a college student (broke) and hung over....and I did ask if it was the server's tip.
And the a** replied "No...I put the tip on my card."

So I did it....I went right back in and took that $20 off the table. When I walked back outside, my brother-law was doubled over in laughter.

After a few minutes of pure embarrassment passed...anger set in.
While the SOB was still laughing...I snatched his wallet and marched back in and gave the server a $40 tip....and gave myself the other $60. :)

Over twenty years ago, and the a** still thinks it's funny.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 65
Another cheap tipper
Posted: 5/28/2015 7:39:39 AM

It seems to be an American tradition. I got no problem with it..HERE. Although tipping bartenders never made sense to me( pouring drinks is their job) or cab drivers


I personally tip my bartender even more. Why? Because not only will they take care of you, they will take care of your people.

There was this one French Restaurant that after certain hour they cleared tables by the front door and had a band and dance floor. The place would be usually super pack. As you arrived, you had to take about 5 steps down into the place, so from the door, you could see the bar to one side. Because I took well care of my bartender, when ever I arrived I would look at the bar for Ron and Sallie and try to make eye contact. Then I would point to myself and the date that was with me and with my finger say two. While people had to wait to get to the bar and then get their attention, all I had to do was arrive at the bar and my usual drink, plus two was there waiting for me. I would tip them quite well. To the point that some times, when they were about to close and perhaps they had not kept up with my tab well, they would tell me that it was on the house.

So tip well your bartender.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 66
Another cheap tipper
Posted: 5/28/2015 7:50:27 AM

After a few minutes of pure embarrassment passed...anger set in.
While the SOB was still laughing...I snatched his wallet and marched back in and gave the server a $40 tip....and gave myself the other $60. :)

Over twenty years ago, and the a** still thinks it's funny.


This is another confirmation of a conclusion I reached several decades ago, I never try to play mind games with women, they are better at that sort of thing.
 motowncowgirl
Joined: 3/24/2015
Msg: 67
Another cheap tipper
Posted: 5/28/2015 7:56:01 AM

So tip well your bartender.

meh, only if they stop watering down my scotch and filling the glass with as much ice as possible.
 DeepakChoprahWinfrey
Joined: 5/16/2015
Msg: 68
Another cheap tipper
Posted: 5/28/2015 8:05:57 AM
What I don’t understand is why people at cold beer and wine stores expect a tip ?????

All they do is sit at a till like any other cashier – what’s the difference ? They think because they’re selling alcohol they deserve a tip more than someone working a till at a supermarket ????

It’s always the same : they act all friendly and chatty when you first arrive at the till but as soon as they realize you’re not tipping them their demeanor does a complete 180

Bizarre

( FYI …. in Canada , because we don’t sell alcohol in grocery stores, gas stations, etc there are only 2 options : Government operated liquor stores and privately operated “ cold beer and wine “ stores )

Speaking of tipping and demeanor changing when they don't receive a tip - has anyone been to a resort in CUBA ?

Holy Toledo, if you sneeze someone will run up to you , say " bless you " and hold out their hand for a tip. I'm exaggerating but this place is over the top when it comes to tip expectation and they need a wake up call on how not sulking can result in better tips. The weather and scenery are beautiful but the attitude of the staff turned me off.
 63T
Joined: 5/28/2006
Msg: 69
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Another cheap tipper
Posted: 5/28/2015 8:15:59 AM
Strawberry_jello;

You acknowledge that your date was the "host", "he took the check firmly...".
The generally accepted convention of restaurant etiquette is that the host is responsible for the bill and gratuities.
Your date had also demonstrated proper tipping etiquette as the generally accepted convention of tipping etiquette is fifteen (15) to twenty (20) percent on the pre-tax amount of the bill.

Be careful with substituting value with power and the need to be right, "Another cheap tipper... ...I think I'm right" for this is but an illusion of certainty that is rooted in a manipulative mind state, "these guys apparently didn't like me enough to try and please me... ...Maybe I should always overtip to see the guys reaction".

The more you cling to the emotional state of the illusion of certainty, the more wrong you are likely to be, intellectually.

But really, wait service jobs are mostly women. I tell them I'm a former waitress. Does anyone else see the connection here?

Was guilt on the menu? The perception of injustice can induce feelings of guilt.
You felt a sense of guilt and associated need to take action to pacify your guilt and bolster belief. This was a date with your partner, not a meeting with the entire group of female wait staff and the resultant desire to correct a perceived injustice.

By imposing your guilt, you set the stage and created a toxic environment conducive to a power struggle.
If this was your intention, congratulations, you succeeded.
If it was not your intention, then it would be far more healthy to devise a more constructive method of expiating guilt.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 70
Another cheap tipper
Posted: 5/28/2015 8:58:09 AM

I did NOT tell him what to do with his $2.00. I implied he could take it back since I was leaving my tip. He DID try to tell me what to do with my $5.00. He repeatedly tried to convince me I was wrong to leave my $5.00.

You DID tell him what he CAN do with his $2.00, and he wasn't a cheapskate -- otherwise he would have taken the $2 with you even hinting that it's kosher to. But it's not what you say but how you say it. And on his end, same goes there, too in terms of your $5 throwing down. If he took the $2 off the table and gave it to YOU, would you have taken it? Do you think 50% tip would have been too Little?

When the similar thing happened last year, that guy accused me of being passive aggressive. Oh gawd, psycho-babble!

No, it's a pretty BASIC concept that teenagers can fully understand -- no psych class required. It's acting cool & collected, but being a d!ck. Guys do it all the time. So do gals. Pretty simple concept. Just some people don't like being called out on it, and (falsely) believe it's better than being straight up.

You tip more or less for better or worse service.

Yes. It could be less, could be more.... where 20% is "par" by default. Sure, you tip more than 20% given certain circumstances, and less if they Blatantly were falling short when they didn't have to (waiting before can help one notice that).

But wanting to tip 70%, even on a low bill, you'd need more reason than them taking his (because he's paying the bill) small order and bringing it to your table. Bottom line is you wanted to tip her incredibly high because she's a waitress. I understand higher than 20% on a small order if you weren't in and out like a jackrabbit with diarrhea. But there's a BIG difference between tipping 20% and tipping 70% on a small order that had no indicators that you were soaking up her time. Just admit -- it wasn't what she did for You, it's that you want to give back to waitresses. If you had a big bill you had to pay, your tip would be closer to 20%, but since it was small in order and work for her, and you didn't have to pay the bill of such a small thang -- you wanted to give back to her not in terms of % -- but just in terms of something to brighten up her day.

But doing so on a date is kind of slapping the guy in the face -- you're putting him in position for being cheap. 20% isn't. He and you are not their employer. One's not cheap for not tipping a busboy or the hostess since they have a "hard days work" and make less than the waitresses throughout a week... or the person who works at 711.

Bottom line is you're insulting the guy by throwing down 50% on top of his 20%, (at least passively scoffing at his 20%). You could have at least taken his $2 and said "Yeah, here, I'll make change from my $5. $2 is just fine, but hey, you got the bill and I like to give extra back to wait staff once in a while, since I used to be one." DONE. Again, it's how ya handle it, not Exactly what goes down.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 71
Another cheap tipper
Posted: 5/28/2015 9:06:17 AM
well, I had this thread on the mind last night when I stopped in at Chuck's Steak House and Margaritaville for dinner. The waitstaff is typically students from the local college, and as such, tend to be cooler than the average waitstaff. This one recommended some sour cream for my fajita (good choice) and as soon as I finished my lemonade, he was at my elbow with another. So, yes, his tip got fluffed up beyond 20%

still, this isn't a cheap restaurant, so 20% tips are still going to "good" for a waitstaff. those chosing to work the gutburger and its $1 menu, are likely gonna get stiffed at 20%. I'll agree with TGIF that if one wants to get paid, one should go where the paycheck is good. but not everyone has that luxury, or that ability, or the college background. Waitstaff who save up for a course in bartending are likely thinking ahead--the pay might be better, every town you move to needs one, and one I knew got friendly with the restaurant owner who was an entrepreneur and included the bartender in on all the money-making side businesses they tried out.

Networking, is still networking. "who you know" is still important. the fact is, in this world, once you're out of your parents' house...its up to you to carry your own ass. like it or don't. no one helped me when I was growing up, unless they got something from it, and I met a bunch of people who were "black holes" when it came to any help.
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 72
Another cheap tipper
Posted: 5/28/2015 9:17:35 AM
Ahh, the intricacies of dating.

Figuring out the 'who pays' thingy was bad enough.

Now we gotta figure out our date's tipping expectations...

Remember folks, TIPPING is not a city in China :)
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 73
Another cheap tipper
Posted: 5/28/2015 9:47:46 AM
I can sympathize with people who make slave wages, but I don't feel it should be my job to save the world from companies that pay their workers poverty wages-although I do tip at restaurants. How many people buy clothing and other goods that are made in third world countries, where the workers are making pennies or a dollar a day, work in dangerous and unhealthy factories or mines, where human life has no value? It's almost impossible not buy anything from those countries. But how many people send money to those countries to "tip" the workers who are risking their lives and health for your goodies? It would be a better idea to do what other countries do-make the minimum wage better and have it apply to every worker-including wait staff, and end the practice of needing to tip. How many people tip at a fast food restaurant?
 newoldgirl
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 74
Another cheap tipper
Posted: 5/28/2015 9:54:34 AM

It would be a better idea to do what other countries do-make the minimum wage better and have it apply to every worker-including wait staff, and end the practice of needing to tip. How many people tip at a fast food restaurant?


As Chris Rock says about minimum wage, "And I'd pay you even less if I could!"

I don't mind tipping, but I think the minimum wage in many areas is a disgrace.
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 75
Another cheap tipper
Posted: 5/28/2015 11:19:00 AM

As if they should the bring the food over with a bow and ask "is everything to your pleasure my Lord and Lady?"


It would certainly be an excuse to double or triple that tip.

Same here, Jello. I think there are better ways you could have handled this if you had any interest in continuing to see him.
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