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 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 101
Another cheap tipperPage 5 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

I wonder what the OP's reaction would've been if the guy suggested going dutch, since it's a first meet where they never met before. I have a feeling that even if they went dutch-paying separately-she would still be concerned about what he left as a tip.

Good point. Of the $5 bill for each, if he left $1, she wouldn't have found that a good thing, I don't believe. I dunno, OP -- would you have been 100% fine with that? Now, say the OP left $3 on that $5 bill of hers. I don't think he would have gotten as upset. It wasn't a shared bill, plus, splitting the bills spreads out the impact of things -- makes it seem lesser-so. I think her move of throwing down a $5 bill, instead of, saying "Hey, I was a waitress, just throwing a whats up to her" and throwing down an extra $1, the guy wouldn't have anything negative about that (just a buck and makes it 30%). But cranking out a $5 bill on there says to him "$2? You're a cheap tipper dude."

One can make the claim that when on a date, at a cheap restaurant with decent service but a low-end bill, that's one of the times you tip around 25% instead of 20%. That extra 5% doesn't cost much, as it's pretty much a psychological effect/acknowledgement + your date will see that you're not a stingy person or one who doesn't know what's up. I agree with that notion. But what OP did and how it was executed was worse-affecting on the date, than him throwing down just the 20% on a low-cost bill.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 102
Another cheap tipper
Posted: 5/29/2015 12:55:50 PM
in the end...two people disagree on tipping. they won't date again due to the difference of opinion. so the date worked (they found out their incompatability). I wonder if he's somewhere, posting his side of the date? what could they be saying about it there?
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 103
Another cheap tipper
Posted: 5/29/2015 1:32:18 PM

I wonder if he's somewhere, posting his side of the date? what could they be saying about it there?


That HE went out with a judgmental control freak who OVERtips?

Both people contributed to the problem (he should have just let her pay the tip as she said she would, and let her put down her fiver without his two), but it's just as well that they find out about the incompatibility now rather than later.
 Strawberry_Jello
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 104
view profile
History
Another cheap tipper
Posted: 5/29/2015 1:44:25 PM
I often go dutch, with no problem. Sometimes I even pick up the whole bill.

The date I had last year was similar, except my portion of that bill was higher than his. So I paid for my portion of the bill, rounding up. Then I left my tip. That guy argued over how much I left, after paying for my own food. I don't get it. I paid for my food. I left my tip. Why should he care?

This time was somewhat different. But he kept trying to tell me not to leave my tip. Just like the guy last year tried to tell me what to tip. So maybe that's what set me off, I dunno. In general, I don't like it when men tell me what to do, if I didn't ask, and especially if I barely know the guy.

I've been told enough times here that I was wrong because it made him look bad, it was insulting to him. OK, lesson learned. That's what the forums are for, right?

You're right Mustang, mission accomplished, we found out what we need to know.
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 105
Another cheap tipper
Posted: 5/29/2015 2:03:37 PM
Kudos for posting and facing the music admirably:)
 kayla_58
Joined: 5/23/2015
Msg: 106
Another cheap tipper
Posted: 5/29/2015 2:29:08 PM
Good for you, Strawberry. Not every interaction with a guy needs to result in a "standoff" (as you worded it in the opening post). Maybe you need to develop more internal confidence in your own ability to take care of yourself/ pay your way, then you wouldn't be a nexus for these "power struggles" to which you seem to be drawn.

P.S. Why not make your next first meet at a museum or some place that does not involve tipping?
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 107
Another cheap tipper
Posted: 5/29/2015 2:52:56 PM

I've been told enough times here that I was wrong because it made him look bad, it was insulting to him. OK, lesson learned. That's what the forums are for, right?

Yes, it's all good! That is what it's for... seeing how certain things can step on someone's toes when we didn't see it from that angle, etc. Even if they overreacted or even just reacted to what you originally though shouldn't be any issue.

This time was somewhat different. But he kept trying to tell me not to leave my tip.

Yeah, see there's Two Folds to the issue which will at least get someone saying something:

(a) It steps on their toes and makes them look cheap, even when they're not or only borderline "Welllll, you could put a Little more at least...". Not a kosher thing to do with someone new (like a date or a new friend or new coworker).

and

(b) What someone who isn't necessarily "new" will still say something about, when the enormous tip doesn't even have to be making them look cheap. It's the same as saying something if the person, say, gave the hostess a $5 bill for walking them to their table them in some run-of-the-mill diner that wasn't busy.

Bob: Huh? Wha-why did you do that?
Sally: What's it to you? It's my money...
Bob: Yeah, but I think anyone would want to know why...
Sally: I used to be a hostess. They get tip-outs from servers & bartenders. I know what it's like. It's good to do...
Bob: That's not standard. Are people stingy by not doing that? Why not tip the shoe salesman in the shoe store? Or the cashier at the grocery store?
Sally: I do!

So either way, when someone's throwing something out there to garner a lot of attention & is universally speaking, quite unnecessary (but yes, nice) -- it's going to draw attention and things said in the very least. And in your situation, unless that person already tipped a higher-than-normal amount, it will indirectly make him/her question as to whether it makes them look cheap or not.
 tgif333
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 108
Another cheap tipper
Posted: 6/2/2015 2:20:16 PM
I took my real estate agent to Bon Appetit in Duneden, Florida this past Sunday May 31rst and we had a marvelous time and a wonderful delicious meal of Red Snapper (me) and New Zealand Roasted Lamb Lollipops for her. I toasted her for her success in finding me a nice tropical cottage in Clearwater and we watched the sunset while drinking an Apple Martini (me) and a Chocolate Martini for her.

I paid the bill which came to $130 and I gave our excellent European trained server Miguel $30 because he was so excellent and unobtrusive but there at the table with a nod of my head.

i'm planning my permanent move to Clearwater at this moment.
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 109
Another cheap tipper
Posted: 6/2/2015 2:44:54 PM

I paid the bill which came to $130 and I gave our excellent European trained server Miguel $30 because he was so excellent and unobtrusive but there at the table with a nod of my head.


Way to go Tom.....kind of makes my IHOP breakfast the other morning pale in comparison. My server was obviously trained in the nuances of southern charm......when I nodded she said "hold on hon...be there in a minute". Gave an extra five for a tip because she said she could'nt understand why I was eating by myself with these blue eyes. Yep she knows the ropes. :) lol
 Eternitygracesme
Joined: 5/18/2015
Msg: 110
Another cheap tipper
Posted: 6/2/2015 3:07:57 PM

I paid the bill which came to $130 and I gave our excellent European trained server Miguel $30 because he was so excellent and unobtrusive but there at the table with a nod of my head.


I'm happy you rewarded her for her effort in helping you. However, I do recall a $45 meal of a prospective **** you protested.
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 111
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History
Another cheap tipper
Posted: 6/2/2015 3:15:15 PM
^^That's probably because TGIF stiffed her on the RE finders fee!
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 112
Another cheap tipper
Posted: 6/2/2015 3:48:00 PM

I took my real estate agent to Bon Appetit in Duneden, Florida this past Sunday May 31rst and we had a marvelous time and a wonderful delicious meal of Red Snapper (me) and New Zealand Roasted Lamb Lollipops for her. I toasted her for her success in finding me a nice tropical cottage in Clearwater and we watched the sunset while drinking an Apple Martini (me) and a Chocolate Martini for her.

You sound pretty giddy about taking her out VS anything else. Did your woo'ing get you get a little "dessert" afterwards?
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 113
Another cheap tipper
Posted: 6/2/2015 4:54:37 PM
strawberry jello- I have mentioned many times here that long ago I was a waitress, so I always tip 15% or more.
I don't think your date was cheap.
20% is a good tip.
You come off as the controlling one on this, you were rude to him.
He paid for your meal, regardless of what it was AND left the tip, he did nothing wrong, you did.
 NikonGuy007
Joined: 4/1/2012
Msg: 114
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History
Another cheap tipper
Posted: 6/2/2015 4:57:38 PM
Yeah, for once, I gotta go with the majority on this one. The guy did not do anything wrong.

The way I see it, leave whatever tip you want, but no need to get into a debate/fight/argument/p*$$ing contest with a date about it.

On the larger topic, I have mixed feelings about tipping:

On the one hand (and up until very recently, I considered myself a very generous tipper): I never worked in a restaurant, however, I can appreciate people who perform physical labor (often for relatively low pay). Capitalism dictates that everybody can't be "winners" (astronauts, surgeons, CEO's, biotech engineers, venture capitalists, investment bankers, etc). Somebody has to pave roads, serve food, clean toilets, drive taxi's, etc). I can only venture that even a waiter at Chili's, TGI Friday's, Houlihans, etc. must do pretty well. Why else do so many people go after these jobs that pay less than minimum wage and/or rely so heavily on tips? If tips were so bad, at even lower/mid-tier places like this, I would think there would be massive shortages of these workers. I can only guess that there are slow days and good days, and overall, even with tip outs, the fact that they don't tend to report their full earnings, means that waitstaff (more often than not) do pretty well (compared to being a security guard, working the cosmetics counter at a department store, or other 'entry-level' type jobs).

Though, I agree with an earlier poster about the fact that, MY experience is that at most non-elite/$$$$$ restaurants, all you get is a disinterested 'server', with attitude, slapping plates on the table. Service is "average" at best.

There are a couple of chain type places that I frequent (usually ordering the food "to go"), up until very recently, I used to tip 15%, on a "to go" order, until I observed that just as often as not, the 'server's' didn't put napkins or cutlery in the bag and/or somehow bungled the order. I finally said to myself, "Self, why subsidize mediocrity and complacency?"

In any given year, I can count on one hand (with fingers left over), the number of times I felt a waiter "went above & beyond". About 6 months ago, I had a great meal in Atlantic City. The waitress was outstanding! I don't remember the tip I left (over 20%), however, I remember her collecting the check, and looking at me saying, "Are you serious? Is this all for me? She was so outstanding that I sent an e-mail to the general manager. I wrote that this woman should be in charge of training waitstaff.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 115
Another cheap tipper
Posted: 6/2/2015 6:18:39 PM
NikonGuy007- You can find disinterested people working in any type of restaurant.
Those types, and especially the rude ones, get nothing from me.
I don't tip if I pick up my food either, I don't know who's getting it.
Delivery drivers, in my experience, have almost all been good, some not, but most are.
I am especially generous with delivery drivers, they get crap pay and often aren't compensated for gas.
Not EVERY situation calls for a tip, and if I'm not sure, I'll ask.
Hair stylists, for example, either work for the salon and only get a percentage of what they earn, others rent their station and get to keep it all. I will ask which it is and tip the ones who work for the salon more.
But, again, if I get a crappy hair cut, I don't tip.
I LOVE your story about what you did for the waitress in Atlantic City.
I was eating at Olive Garden with my oldest son a while back. The waitress was a young girl that was SUPER nice and great at her job. Things started to slow down and she was able to talk with us for a bit. She was going to college full time and working at night, she was also the same age as my daughter. I respected the heck out of her and told her so, when the check came, I tipped her forty dollars on a fifty dollar tab. As she walked away and saw it, she turned around and came back, thinking I had made a mistake. I told her I hadn't and that I admired her, her attitude, her work ethic and just how she was as a person. I told her I had NO doubt she would do well in life and wished her well with college.
I thought she might cry, but I was happy to do it, I gave her a big hug before I left.
Thank you for reminding me of this, it still makes me smile, thinking about her.
 Blackwood85
Joined: 5/20/2013
Msg: 116
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History
Another cheap tipper
Posted: 6/2/2015 8:05:36 PM
I have to agree with the majority too, 10%-20% is the standard when it comes to tipping with 20% being for excellent service and maybe 25% if you're feeling generous. The guy did nothing wrong and tipped the 20% on what it is essentially a small bill and some people don't even leave tips at smaller restaurants like that one much less leave 50% of a tip because in all honesty how much service are you truly being provided? Maybe your cup gets filled once or twice other than that, they're serving your food, checking on you every once in a while and filling your cups with tea and lemonade.

To call the guy an humorless cheapskate because he's not tipping how you think he should is a bit ridiculous and controlling, it's being to close to a situation sometimes it's better just to step back some.
 tgif333
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 117
Another cheap tipper
Posted: 6/2/2015 8:21:07 PM
Eternity remarks that:

I'm happy you rewarded her for her effort in helping you. However, I do recall a $45 meal of a prospective **** you protested.


that was some time back and it was $35, she ate, I didn't on a meet and greet.
no wonder they call you eternity.
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 118
Another cheap tipper
Posted: 6/2/2015 8:43:58 PM
I just read recently that:

More restaurants adopting no-tipping policyhttp://www.cbsnews.com/news/more-restaurants-adopting-no-tipping-policy.

Eateries at the tipping point
Restaurateurs consider doing away with gratuity as the state weighs a wage hike

One of the big problems with tipping is that it's blatantly unfair, and savvy servers have figured out how to game the system. Researchers have even studied the psychological tactics servers use to get more money out of diners. According to New Republic, here are the things that work:

Touching customers. The shoulder pat is pretty effective, but what really works is touching diners' hands.

Crouching at the table. Getting eye level with diners increased tips by as much as 25 percent, researchers found.

Drawing smiley faces on checks. This only works for female servers, though. Diners actually reduced their tips when men drew faces.

Being a blonde. Blondes get more tips than women with any other hair color.

Wearing a flower in the hair. Again, probably something that only works with women servers.

Wearing red. Men especially left larger tips for waitresses in red.

It all goes to show that tipping as a practice is inherently flawed. But many restaurants running on razor-thin margins depend on customer tips to make up
for the incredibly low compensation they give workers.

Until restaurant owners pay a living wage -- a policy many say they can't afford -- tipping will be there to pick up the slack. But diners are increasingly getting opportunities to voice their opinions about tipping.

As more no-tip restaurants open, customers can decide where to spend their money and whether to reward an eatery that encourages tipping over one that bans it. Depending on how diners vote, we could see more no-tip restaurants in the future.
© 2014 CBS In
Copied from Cranes, New York Business 2015
and CBS Moneywatch 2014
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 119
Another cheap tipper
Posted: 6/2/2015 10:43:33 PM
Ladyinred4755- Eliminating tipping is NOT a good idea unless you also support these places paying a living wage.
I worked as a waitress at the Grand Hotel in Point Clear, a place only the rich could afford to stay, the prices for dinner were outrageous, they taught us to make salads with one tomato and one cumber and that's how it was described on the menu: salad with tomato and cumber :D These people had enough money to pay for a salad that wouldn't feed a rabbit, it cost 12 dollars and this was in 1987.
When I applied there, I was told that I would be paid 3.50 an hour, minimum wage at the time.
When people checked in, they were told there was a 15% charge that covered our tips, so not to tip us.
It didn't take me long to realize I was getting screwed, so I transferred to the gift shop and started making 7 an hour.
Needless to say, there was a high turn over rate with waiters and waitresses.
The time I spent waiting tables I barely survived. It might seem like a good idea, but I've seen it in practice and it not a good idea.
It was complete bs that we were receiving that 15%, they used it to improve the grounds and the golf course.
From time to time, people would ask me about it and I told them the truth. Those were the few times I ever got tips.
No business is going to get quality workers that are willing to be paid such a low wage, they are living in poverty.
If you want decent employees, you are going to have to compensate them enough to keep them there and that means paying living wages.
When I transferred to the gift shop, I was paid enough to keep me there.
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 120
Another cheap tipper
Posted: 6/2/2015 11:05:20 PM
LOL, bamagrl68,
I'm not opposed to tipping at all, except for leaving a tip in one of those silly jars sitting on the counter where you pay for your take out order. THEN I have a problem!

I Posted / included the info/(facts, not my opinion) I read recently concerning tipping, as it seemed relevant to the subject at hand. The one article was written/Feb, 2015, the other 2014. Both articles were very insightful.
The practice of tipping the server, may very well disappear from our lives as we know it now, due to new laws, concerning minimum wages etc etc. Some restaurants have already done away with tipping, and have raised their menu prices, and/or added a surcharge to the final bill.
It is predicted that 10 years from now no one will be tipping the server or wait staff in a restaurant.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 121
Another cheap tipper
Posted: 6/2/2015 11:28:04 PM
Ladyinred4755- I knew you were posting an article, my response was based on what the article said, not that I thought YOU said it. My use of the word "you" was not a good one, "we" or "customers" would have been better,
Sorry for the confusion.
 Eternitygracesme
Joined: 5/18/2015
Msg: 122
Another cheap tipper
Posted: 6/3/2015 1:07:15 AM

that was some time back and it was $35, she ate, I didn't on a meet and greet.
no wonder they call you eternity.


I think you bemoaned the tip, which brought up the cost of your final bill -- one in which you attempted to dump back on the restaurant (and on your prospect, over a phone call).

I think this is the typical response of a "flesh digger," isn't it? A cheap, no-tippin' player.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 123
Another cheap tipper
Posted: 6/3/2015 7:27:19 AM
one of the many issues with how much/little the server gets paid, is just like with the airlines, few customers want to pay for the full freight, thus creating a thin profit margin. we want a meal without e coli, but we want our food at McDonald's prices. Unless its one of those "see and be seen" places like Bama mentioned, where you'll pay thru the nose just to say you were there.
 tgif333
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 124
Another cheap tipper
Posted: 6/3/2015 2:59:59 PM
you got me pegged Miss Eternity!
yep that's me. I tried to hide it. I thought I could fool you but you are too clever for me eternity.

i'm a flesh digger, I admit it. a low life user of women who could squeeze the shyt out of a buffalo nickel, making Jack Benny look like a philanthropist. a no tipping cheapskate who would rip off a hard working server to save myself $2 bucks.

restaurants have my photo at their greeting area with a sign saying: "Not To Be Seated Under Any Circumstances"

I rummage in hotel lobby sofas looking for loose change. I even used to look into the change slots at public phones hoping to find a dime.

I help little old ladies across the street while fleecing them of bills out of their purse -ALL WITH A SMILE ON MY FACE!
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 125
Another cheap tipper
Posted: 6/3/2015 3:06:18 PM
I think you're pretty cool Tom. I hope I can age as well as you have and continue to be optimistic about dating :)



you got me pegged Miss Eternity!


I think you're chatting up the wrong person if your seeking to be pegged?



restaurants have my photo at their greeting area


Not at the point yet, but it does suck when they exclaim, 'Welcome back Steve!'

Ya know when you've been at this too long when the florist knows you on a first name basis and you know longer need Yelp to suggest a venue.

Plastic wine glasses, used candles and Charles Shaw aren't very appreciated either.

Can't catch a break these days :(
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