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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Is it okay for a man to CRY during the break up talk?      Home login  
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 overunity
Joined: 8/16/2014
Msg: 46
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Is it okay for a man to CRY while watching The Notebook?Page 3 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
^^^
"You're treaded the way you allow people to tread you." - Certainly a lesson for us all......................You just get "tired" of it after a while.
 tgif333
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 47
Is it okay for a man to CRY while watching The Notebook?
Posted: 6/5/2015 10:58:28 AM
that's what happens when "the rubber meets the road".

drum sound: sting and a rimshot

ba-dum
 TerrieLynnC70
Joined: 6/22/2013
Msg: 48
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Is it okay for a man to CRY during the break up talk?
Posted: 6/7/2015 1:11:39 PM

Subject: Do women run the show early in the relationship? If so how do men feel about it?

I am not a "beta" male I am one of the top daters in POF history, been here for 10 years, dated around 200-300 women on this site, had several long term relationships. Can write a book on dating and relating.
Yes in my 15 years of so dating I had the pleasure of being in 4 long term relationships that took up 13 of those 15 years.
In the years I am single I usually go on 2-3 dates a week consistently, 90% of those dates end up in a hook up of one degree or another, or the possibility of more. I feel quite accomplished in my online dating abilities, however as a result of my whole life being dedicated to dating and hooking up with women I have neglected a lot of other things in my life.
Such as friends, hobbies, interests.. At 31 I can see how detrimental it is now, and how a woman can see right through you if you make your self too available, I totally get it.

I think it's safe to say ... you are the most clueless self-professed Mack Daddy on these boards.



OP Just got OWNED..................LOL
 Blackwood85
Joined: 5/20/2013
Msg: 49
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Is it okay for a man to CRY while watching The Notebook?
Posted: 6/7/2015 2:41:07 PM

I don't know man, when they cry in such situations, I think it's because they are coming (pun intended) to the realization that it may be a while till they get laid again, that must hurt. That may not apply to all though. But having to start over with the whole dating, and spending money, and dressing up, etc, in essence, start all over again, from having a sure thing, that's tough.


I know when I broke up with a girl who I dated for over a year, I cried but it was out of legit frustration and anger moreso than sadness and afraid of starting over. I actually wanted to break up with her a few weeks before it happened and it would have been easier to do so than having a terrible argument in a car, cursing and yelling at each other while she accuses me of cheating on her for the 10th time. After that though it only took me a few hours to get over it, I was actually happy that we were through and I was done with the bullshit, I was pretty excited to be single again and figured I could do better. Of course I had no idea that I would be in a serious relationship after that, that was 5 years ago.
 antirepublican
Joined: 12/31/2014
Msg: 50
Is it okay for a man to CRY during the break up talk?
Posted: 6/7/2015 5:44:34 PM
Of course it's okay. Women who know about it will tell you that too but will act very differently. Doesn't change the fact though.

You claim a great deal of success here on POF. I know for a fact that it is very possible. I won't mock you for it as others have but instead simply remind you of some of the lessons that this success undoubtedly taught you:

1) You are working a niche market. This time you ran into one outside of your expertise. Either do what it takes to master this type or stick to your own knitting.

2) All women are different but enough alike that only minor variations are needed to deal with them all effectively. Makes task #1 less daunting.

3) It doesn't matter what women think. There are only two kinds -- the 100 percent empathic or the absent rejects.

4) You can disperse your bad feelings by taking them out on the next ... and the next... and the next, until they are gone.
 Literate_Hiker
Joined: 1/1/2015
Msg: 51
Is it okay for a man to CRY during the break up talk?
Posted: 6/7/2015 8:11:04 PM
OF COURSE it's okay for a man to cry. Men have feelings, too. It shows you are sensitive and caring.

"Why It Is So Hard For Men To Cry" by Derek Whitney, World of Psychology, Psych Central, Oct. 12, 2012:

"Health research has found many benefits to crying. When people suppress the urge to cry, emotions that would have been expressed through tears are bottled up instead. The underlying biochemistry affects the body differently than if the feelings had found a physical release. Over time, repressed emotions can trigger physiological changes that manifest in clinical symptoms such as high blood pressure."

"Social scientists have found correlations between men’s crying and their mental health. A study published in the journal Psychology of Men & Masculinity found that football players who cried about game outcomes reported higher levels of self-esteem. They felt secure enough to shed tears in front of their teammates and seemed less concerned about peer pressure."

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/10/12/why-is-it-so-hard-for-men-to-cry/
 ThePig0fYourDreams
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 52
Is it okay for a man to CRY during the break up talk?
Posted: 6/7/2015 10:18:05 PM
I can tell you why it's hard for men to cry.

It's because we live in a society that is quick to yell "get over it!", "suck it up, princess!", or "oh, put on your big boy pants!" from the f*cking mountain tops any time they may share their deepest and most personal feelings.

Yet they're to believe it's ok to actually cry?

Fat chance.
 GattoMonstrosis
Joined: 4/4/2013
Msg: 53
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Is it okay for a man to CRY during the break up talk?
Posted: 6/8/2015 2:42:36 AM
A lot of people feel uncomfortable around a crying man and are more likely to tell him to 'Man up' than pat him on the head and say "There there" as stupidly steryeotypical as it is a lot of people do still buy into the notion of women as emotional and men as statues carved from granite.
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 54
Is it okay for a man to CRY during the break up talk?
Posted: 6/8/2015 3:22:21 AM
I don't cry. Ninety-nine percent of crying is either manipulative or a sign of being unable to perform under stress. People who cry a lot are completely undependable. Nothing is ever their fault and they always have some excuse for failure.

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"Social scientists have found correlations between men’s crying and their mental health. A study published in the journal Psychology of Men & Masculinity found that football players who cried about game outcomes reported higher levels of self-esteem.
--------------------------
If the quarterback was on the bench crying because his team was down 10 points and it looked hopeless, his ass would be looking for a new career. Self-reporting one's self esteem is not very reliable. Lots of people will insist they have self esteem when they have very little. I've never found criers to have much self-esteem. Chips on their shoulders or persecution complexes, yes, but real self-esteem, never. You can't feel helpless and have self-esteem.

---------------------------
They felt secure enough to shed tears in front of their teammates and seemed less concerned about peer pressure."
--------------------------
Maybe if they were a little more concerned about peer pressure, they would be celebrating a victory instead of crying over a loss. If you were in a life or death situation, would you rather be with someone who is crying over the situation or someone who is calm and trying to figure out how not to die?
 GattoMonstrosis
Joined: 4/4/2013
Msg: 55
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Is it okay for a man to CRY during the break up talk?
Posted: 6/8/2015 3:31:06 AM
There was a time when i was everyones favourite shoulder to cry on, but then a lot of bad stuff happened in a short space of time and i fell apart, it was amazing how few people wanted me crying on their shoulders, some people just aren't good at dealing with anothers pain, c'est la vie.
I've dated women who thought i was too emotional or shared too much, one who did tell me to man up when i needed someone to be there for me, others who thought i was an emotionless robot, i guess it's just a matter of perspective.
 ThePig0fYourDreams
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 56
Is it okay for a man to CRY during the break up talk?
Posted: 6/8/2015 6:00:39 AM


"Social scientists have found correlations between men’s crying and their mental health. A study published in the journal Psychology of Men & Masculinity found that football players who cried about game outcomes reported higher levels of self-esteem.


Eh, there's no place for crying in sports. Back when I played football in high school, we lost big games. A few of them were important to me on a personal level because they were rare ones where I had family members actually show up. I didn't want my team to lose in front of them, but not once did I feel compelled to cry.

As for crying in general, I actually believe reality television has desensitized many people to crying, especially when you see people blubbering over the most ridiculous shit.

But back to men crying, I think the only time men get a "free pass" is at funerals. I had to go to my stepbrother's grandson's funeral back in April, and seeing burly bikers sob uncontrollably was something I'm never going to forget.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 57
Is it okay for a man to CRY during the break up talk?
Posted: 6/8/2015 6:45:46 AM

But back to men crying, I think the only time men get a "free pass" is at funerals. I had to go to my stepbrother's grandson's funeral back in April, and seeing burly bikers sob uncontrollably was something I'm never going to forget.


The only time I might cry is when a close friend / relative passes away. I'm not the type of person that cries over sad movies or a sad story about a stranger. I'm not saying men that cry about these things are any more or less of a man. But people handle their emotions or grief differently.
 SLAFFA
Joined: 8/13/2007
Msg: 58
Is it okay for a man to CRY during the break up talk?
Posted: 6/8/2015 7:42:50 AM
I'll define "crying" for the sake of simpliciity as the eyes getting wet for at least a few seconds from something we heard and/or saw or physically felt. It could very well be so brief that our noses never get involved. Tears can be triggered from all manner of things.

Just one of many things we have ZERO control over if we're Human. Male or female makes no difference.

At least the kind of Human I would wish to associate with. Not surprisingly, we are not the only animals that cry.
 tangofish
Joined: 6/16/2015
Msg: 59
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Is it okay for a man to CRY during the break up talk?
Posted: 6/20/2015 7:13:37 PM
It is never ok, under any circumstance, for a man to cry in front of the women dumping him. Chiefly, because it doesn't serve to garner pity. And if there have to be tears, they had better not be accompanied with blubbering or sobbing... Real men cry without making a sound, and swallow hard before speaking, so as to remain stoic and masculine
 tangofish
Joined: 6/16/2015
Msg: 60
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Is it okay for a man to CRY during the break up talk?
Posted: 6/20/2015 8:48:10 PM
I don't think masculinity has to rule all emotion. I just think it has to be used to maintain composure. People associate masculinity with cold, apathetic, and serious... But I can assure you that it is not limited to apathy... Because complete emotional breakdown doesn't serve to help you focus on the task at hand; just as throwing a temper tantrum is never a good thing...

For men, emotional breakdown in the company of others is bad masculine etiquette. And there need not be a correlation with masculinity limiting positive emotions like affection or humour.

If a man were to, for instance, cry in an emergency situation, it could incite panic. Crying, much like laughter, is contagious
 tgif333
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 61
Is it okay for a man to CRY during the break up talk?
Posted: 6/20/2015 8:51:57 PM
a man must never cry even while watching The Notebook home alone.

*snicker*
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 62
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Is it okay for a man to CRY during the break up talk?
Posted: 6/20/2015 10:18:57 PM
If a man feels comfortable enough to express his emotions with tears when he is with me, it is fine. I dont find it unmasculine. As long as it is not self pity but a feeling of grief or loss such as losing a beloved pet or losing a lot of money in a bad deal, it is healthy and cathartic. ....I prefer a man who shows his emotions, laughs easily, lets me know what he is feeling and sheds a few tears when it is warranted.
Is it okay for a man to CRY during the break up talk?
Posted: 6/20/2015 11:36:03 PM


Social scientists have found correlations between men’s crying and their mental health. A study published in the journal Psychology of Men & Masculinity found that football players who cried about game outcomes reported higher levels of self-esteem.
Eh, there's no place for crying in sports. Back when I played football in high school, we lost big games. A few of them were important to me on a personal level because they were rare ones where I had family members actually show up. I didn't want my team to lose in front of them, but not once did I feel compelled to cry.

I think this is funny:

When I was really, really young...a little bitty kid...I wanted to be in the wrestling class of the school I was in at the time. There was an age minimum for being on the wrestling team, and I was quite younger than that. I really really wanted to be on the wrestling team. I bugged the hell out of everybody about it. I was such a brat about it that they eventually let me join the wrestling team, being the only time in history probably that they broke that rule...

...Again, I was way too young. I had no idea what the hell I was doing. And I wasn't "fit" in any way whatsoever at the time. One day in the gym, right after I officially was on the team, coach said "ok, you and him, your turn, go." I was supposed to wrestle this other guy who was smaller and lighter than me, and had been on the team a while and knew what he was doing. I had no knowledge or training of any kind yet. Coach blew the whistle, and this other guy tied me into a knot in about 2 seconds and it was over...

...I started crying. I bawled my head off. I thought that it was so unfair, because I had no idea what I'd gotten myself into and the other guy was like a pro, and it was embarrassing and humiliating in front of everyone. It happened so fast, and I felt so "bullied". I got my rude awakening. Coach and many others were kind of shocked, saying "What the hell?? Why the hell are you crying?? There's no crying in here!!"

Sigh...so funny...good times...
 ThePig0fYourDreams
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 64
Is it okay for a man to CRY during the break up talk?
Posted: 6/21/2015 2:25:22 AM
^ I tried out for my high school wrestling team my freshman year, and at the risk of sounding like the dumbest f*ck on the planet, at the time, I thought it was going to be like professional wrestling. No kidding.

I walked in there expecting masks, cool gimmicks, a ring with turnbuckles, costumes, getting on a microphone trash talking other wrestlers, grandiose entrances, the whole proverbial nine yards.

Once I realized what it was all about, I wanted no part of it.
 tgif333
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 65
Is it okay for a man to CRY during the break up talk?
Posted: 6/21/2015 6:13:36 AM
I remember an embarrassing tear shedding incident.

one day as a senior in high school I talked to Georgine in the hall between classes. she was an old friend who I had known all my life. I tried to chat with her but she had a hard time answering me, just mumbling. I couldn't figure it out. she had just recently been going steady with Ray, at 6'5 and 250 the biggest guy in our class who happened to be my teammate in football. I knew him for many years as well. we were friends.

Ray confronted me in English class at the front of the room in front of everyone. he said he forbid any guy to talk to Georgine and if I did it again he would kick my ass. Ray was big but not tough and I had been in dozens of fistfights with bigger men than myself. when you are 5'4 you either learn to defend yourself and do it well or become a target. I stood up to him (no pun intended) and told him that he couldn't order me around and we both started yelling at each other. it was very close to a fistfight and Mr. Shiraldi said if there was a fight both of us would be kicked out of school. with our faces glaring at each other we both sat down.

I sat near the rear of the class and i'm not sure how many of my classmates saw it but I started shedding tears, not bawling or crying but more like weeping where a few tears came and I wiped them away. I was weeping because MY FRIEND of many years had done this to us. I felt betrayed and sad that our friendship was over.
 tgif333
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 66
Is it okay for a man to CRY during the break up talk?
Posted: 6/21/2015 12:10:24 PM
thanks oluben. I used to comb my hair to the side at one time like William Devane. he does those Rosland Capitol commercials I like. "What's in your safe?"

for the second time I was called Steve Carell today by the receptionist at the Hilton near Ybor City where some POF FORUM friends are supposed to gather. I think Steve is a nice looking guy but if I do look like him I might have to see the cosmetic surgeon again and have my nose made a bit smaller.

my favorite line from the Marathon Man is when the bad guy Lawrence Olivier kept drilling Dustin Hoffman's teeth to force him say a code phrase.

"Is it safe???? IS IT SAFE!!!!????"
 benartflick
Joined: 3/8/2012
Msg: 67
Is it okay for a man to CRY during the break up talk?
Posted: 6/21/2015 2:47:20 PM

Steve is a nice looking guy but if I do look like him I might have to see the cosmetic surgeon again and have my nose made a bit smaller


I met Steve in a break room on the movie set of 'Dan in Real Life'.

Nope, ya don't look like him. He's probably taller than you think too - I'd say he's 5' 9" or 5'10". Surprisingly, to me, he looked solid: flat stomach, broad shoulders, big arms and muscular.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 68
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Is it okay for a man to CRY during the break up talk?
Posted: 7/3/2015 12:51:45 PM
Some people here have read all his posts before he was removed or left, there was a theme, it seemed to go toward trolling, so yes, many did not take him seriously. Look his posts up, see what you think. As far as telling other people here what opinions they should have, isn't that rather presumptuous of you?
 Peas_
Joined: 5/2/2015
Msg: 69
Is it okay for a man to CRY during the break up talk?
Posted: 7/3/2015 5:04:42 PM

It is never ok, under any circumstance, for a man to cry in front of the women dumping him. Chiefly, because it doesn't serve to garner pity. And if there have to be tears, they had better not be accompanied with blubbering or sobbing... Real men cry without making a sound, and swallow hard before speaking, so as to remain stoic and masculine


It's true it is manipulative. When I was....27, I lived with .....HIM. After a couple years, I was looking around, thinking, that I wanted to date other men if I wasn't going to marry this man I was with. So I told him so. In the kitchen. He dropped to his knees and began the blubbering, and "You don't understand how much I need you, I'll never have anyone if it wasn't for you....Will you marry me?"

OMG, I was soooooo stupid.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 70
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Is it okay for a man to CRY during the break up talk?
Posted: 7/3/2015 8:20:27 PM
This isn't about being nice or shut up, it's a forum where people are asking for honest opinions of others. Giving some fakey little nice ditty would be of no use, and yes, many of us have been through hell and back, that's why many here have good advice to give. If a person wants a pat on the back and lied to, there are many websites set up for just that.
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