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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Affairs: Would you ever get together with a married person?      Home login  
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 RoseLover1122
Joined: 11/22/2011
Msg: 101
Affairs: Would you ever get together with a married person?Page 5 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
Not my type, Not interested any married or separated.
Not interested complicated relationships.
 tangofish
Joined: 6/16/2015
Msg: 102
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Affairs: Would you ever get together with a married person?
Posted: 6/27/2015 8:04:16 PM
First and foremost, I wouldn't do it, no matter the circumstance... separated is ok, I mean, I don't see a problem with that. But married, if the guy doesn't know his wife is cheating... that's one of the most f***ed up things you can do in my opinion.

If I did that, id have to beat my own ass, or turn myself in for an assbeating.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 103
Affairs: Would you ever get together with a married person?
Posted: 6/27/2015 8:50:33 PM
Seems like the older I get, the more opportunities to "have an affair with a married man" present themselves.

This is pretty depressing.

I've been asked by both men w/GF's and married men.

I wish I had this sort of luck with SINGLE guys.

The married thing is just sad.
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/27/2014
Msg: 104
Affairs: Would you ever get together with a married person?
Posted: 6/27/2015 9:29:15 PM
VK: you're a smart and thoughtful responder on these threads. I read with interest whatever you write. Why did you categorically decide not to date on POF? Does it mean there is no hope?
 sealady111
Joined: 5/31/2015
Msg: 105
Affairs: Would you ever get together with a married person?
Posted: 6/27/2015 9:34:28 PM
Like Volcano King I have more and more opportunities to "have an affair with a married man".

No thank you.


Even though I am in advanced decrepitude and would adore some romance in my life.
Approaching desperation?????
Married ....... Nup

The same as I had to avoid a man at the party I attended last night.
Married 3 times, 'retired', living in a retirement village since his early 50's, extremely self centred, sat beside me at dinner, kept touching me, putting his arm around me and making lewd jokes.

When it came time to stay overnight it looked like I may have had to share a room with him. Uggghhhhh
Thankfully the hostess came up with an alternative where he slept on a sofa bed.

He did have a magnificent baritone singing voice.

I think it may have been an attempt by his friends who are 70 years old plus to arrange a meeting.
He was the only single man at the dinner party.
The 70+ man is now dating a woman slightly younger than me who works full time. She was the hostess.
At least his disabled sticker gets him good parking spots.

Ahh dear. The pickings are slim.

Volcano, I agree, I wish I had this sort of luck with single guys who I liked.


Movie this afternoon with my MeetUp buddy.
That should be fun.
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 106
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Affairs: Would you ever get together with a married person?
Posted: 6/27/2015 10:57:18 PM
No....and I wish they would just stop asking....maybe they don't "want to change their situation or mine", but they ought to think about changing their situation -- as in working things out with the unsuspecting partner, or leaving the relationship.
 Strings6
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 107
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Affairs: Would you ever get together with a married person?
Posted: 6/28/2015 4:21:05 AM
And I feel sorry for the next guy who usually has to pay for the deeds of the first
 Eternitygracesme
Joined: 5/18/2015
Msg: 108
Affairs: Would you ever get together with a married person?
Posted: 6/28/2015 4:27:46 AM

Nope. Have had chances to before and never could despite physical wants/needs because all I could think of was this has been done to me countless times before and what would I think if I saw that guy's face when he found out he was betrayed.



That, and you're not of the mindset that just because somebody's availing their body for free, signals you have to use it.
 Peas_
Joined: 5/2/2015
Msg: 109
Affairs: Would you ever get together with a married person?
Posted: 6/28/2015 7:19:10 AM
No. It gives the immediate feeling of a shady characteristic that I don't have the stomach for future drama senerios that are prolly at play in the person's life.
 benartflick
Joined: 3/8/2012
Msg: 110
Affairs: Would you ever get together with a married person?
Posted: 6/28/2015 7:39:56 AM
"Would you ever get together with a married person?"

From 15 to 18 it only mattered if she was willing and breathing. The thought of being shot or badly beaten would NOT have any effect on the little brain (either one).

I had a close female friend at work for many years. First she was one of my students in our job related classroom. Afterwards we saw each other constantly while I was an inspector inspecting her work. If I wasn't married, we would have dated.

Once while we were in a confined space at work, she said, "I'm horny!"

I responded with, "There's not enough room."

"There's always room if both people want to do it," she said with a smile.

I didn't respond. The thought of my wife ever finding out was the only reason, I think. Conscience or what's right or wrong had nothing to do with it.

Eventually she married a co-worker of ours. Her husband and I were chatting in their living room when she came in and added to our conversation. He shot her a hateful glare and said, "Shut the f*** up and get the f*** out of here!"

After many union meetings I had drinks with her and we danced numerous times. Other union members and her husband (occasionally) were there.

One Sunday she stated she was lost as to what our union president was attempting to explain. Her husband shouted out, "You've been lost since you got out of bed this morning." Many union members laughed out loud as she sat down, embarrassed.

Her husband didn't go to the Groton Motor Inn after that meeting and I was divorced. She was gorgeous with an hour glass figure. Her waist was barely over 20 inches. She was wearing something like a woman horse rider would wear, hat and all. Mesmerizing to me even prior to having quite a few drinks. Easily a wee bit inebriated and extremely horny.

We were the last two to leave the bar that night. Outside she turned and kissed me on the lips while rubbing her fingers through my hair. I kissed back wrapping by arms around her and pulling her hard against my body.

A minute or two later she looked me in the eye and said, "Let's get a room."

I couldn't. It ended there. She was convinced her husband had slept with my wife. My wife said he had too in order to tell me he had more than I. The thought of getting another opinion then entered my mind briefly, plus I didn't like her husband. I'm not sure if I regret not getting a room or not. Don't have a clue as to why. Kinda sorry for not requesting a ** since a judge ruled it didn't count as sexual relations.
 Whistle_Stop
Joined: 4/9/2015
Msg: 111
Affairs: Would you ever get together with a married person?
Posted: 6/28/2015 7:52:26 AM
Original question.....Nope...never been even tempted.
Had married men hit on me...felt sorry for their wives.
I never felt flattered or that desperate.

One even had the gull to tell me...to give him a call when I needed some loving..
Oh, and let's not forget their wives weren't giving them any....poor babies.
My reply was...."If your wife won't even have sex with you...why would 'I' want to?'....ick!!
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 112
Affairs: Would you ever get together with a married person?
Posted: 6/28/2015 8:28:51 AM
SOME married people have that extra little bit of confidence b/c they still get to go home to warm bed. the sex life they complain about isn't non-existant, its just not to their liking.
 BLonde^J^AngeL
Joined: 6/16/2015
Msg: 113
Affairs: Would you ever get together with a married person?
Posted: 6/28/2015 2:12:21 PM
Technically, I'm still married...& I've dated while seperated & none of the men had an issue w/ it.

There are people out there who prctice polyamory & open marriages, while it's not my cup of tea, it's up to each person to decide what they desire.

Consenting adults have every right to make their own decisions.
 sealady111
Joined: 5/31/2015
Msg: 114
Affairs: Would you ever get together with a married person?
Posted: 6/28/2015 4:37:52 PM

My reply was...."If your wife won't even have sex with you...why would 'I' want to?'....ick!!



^^^^ Love this reply.
Will see if I can pluck up the courage to use it face to face. lol
 IL_Capitano
Joined: 11/23/2012
Msg: 115
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Affairs: Would you ever get together with a married person?
Posted: 6/28/2015 5:29:15 PM
I've had sex with quite a few married women. With the exception of a couple of cases, the men were present during the encounters. When I was active in that scene, I was totally amazed by how many men want and like to watch their wives/girlfriends having sex with another man. These wasn't bi-sexual encounters either since I don't swing that way.

That was a decade and more ago and I didn't see it as cheating since the hubby was there and was an active participant in most cases. Now, I would not knowingly engage in sex with a married woman unless husband knew and I had cleared it with him. Sneaking and cheating seems wrong to me.

 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 116
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Affairs: Would you ever get together with a married person?
Posted: 6/28/2015 5:35:35 PM
oh I wonder if this was the one POFlegend fell in love with on the first encounter and continued to stalk and pester??? All the while declaring that the hundreds of women he previously dated, he called all the shots on. Couldnt do that with her and didnt like it. lol!!
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 117
Affairs: Would you ever get together with a married person?
Posted: 6/28/2015 5:47:46 PM
logically speaking, after your 20's, you're more likely to cross paths with married people, b/c more people get married to have kids...and then hit that classic seven year itch. If you live long enough, you get the other side of the curve, with the widows or widowers.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 118
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Affairs: Would you ever get together with a married person?
Posted: 6/28/2015 6:31:21 PM
Most relationships are complex enough without the added stress of being with some one who is married to someone else or separated and still has unfinished issues there. If we fall in love with someone not free, that can happen but what we do about it,is up to us. Some people thrive on drama and the illicit and are commitment phobes so it all suits them.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 119
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Affairs: Would you ever get together with a married person?
Posted: 6/28/2015 6:34:35 PM

NG, as near as I can figure out, you'll have an affair with anyone (1) so long as you do not believe you are the first person to have an affair with the 'cheating' wife and (2) so long as you can tell yourself their relationship is already broken. It's called justification; it's a sorry excuse for integrity and I have no respect for either person in that situation.

Not quite, but I can see how you can get that impression. In my many years of being single, I am sure I have slept with more than 1 gal who has had a BF she didn't even break up with shortly thereafter, while me not knowing anything about it all. I am also extremely sure I've at least made out and crossed 1st base with more than 1 gal who's been married if not gone all the way, without knowing she was. If I found out later with some gal I didn't know from Adam (like on vaycay), would I feel Any ounce of guilt? NO. Nada. Zip. Ball was never in my court to begin with. That was all on her, this stranger.

It's not being narcissistic, but logical. Even though anyone who can be objective knows that ethically nothing was done wrong on one's own part when they had no idea -- the litmus test on bias of this overall subject is this: Would you feel some instinctual Guilt for even a little while in this particular scenario? If so, you're probably going to go against other situations with a Bias against it. Meaning -- a warning that one can't go by "just because", just like all other bias-prone evaluations.

Now, say I knew she was Taken by her own confessions. And let's eliminate any potential drama nobody (including myself) would want to get into -- like she or her SO possibly knowing anyone that I know, etc. Eliminate that and other complications to get to the ethical point: We're from different areas of the country, both on a vacation, bump into each other and mingle. OK.

Before I pinpoint it, let's go down this road: Say I'm on this vacation and this very pretty gal is talking to me and a few other guys. Everyone would love to pork her. We find out she does have a BF, of course described as a bad one (blah blah) that they're going to break up, etc, yadda yadda. She says she's going to get fvcked, and that she has gotten fvcked before by another guy. If I say "Yes", I can be the one to pork her that night, but it's guaranteed as she says aloud, that she's going to pork one of us few guys as I can see. If I say "No", she still is. Yes, I know, this is a hyperbolic example, but just bear with me. So say I said "No" -- she takes the another guy's hand, as she declared and was obvious, and goes to his room and he porks her brains out. Even if he says "No", another guy says "Yes". So whether I say Yes or No, she's yet again, going to be cheating. In THIS specific scenario, am I breaking her relationship? Is any guy? Or is it purely Her Fault? Is everyone else sharing responsibility for how she carries out her Relationship? I say No.

Point being, in this (hyperbolic) example, no guy is twisting her arm. She's going on the offensive, not the "I dunno, please convince me because part of me wants to."

If she's going on the offensive, the Relationship's fvcked. Gee, that sounds so simple. I need to test MYSELF and put myself in that guy's shoes. OK. So my significant other and I aren't getting along so well, she goes on a vaycay with some gals -- and she gets ball-banged there multiple times. Say it's a reality show and a "cheating detective" follows and tapes. And in the video I see her saying she is taken but wants to get fvcked, she's attractive, and some guys line up on this vacation somewhere. Am I mad at the guys? NO. I'm 100% mad at her. I would be more mad at a guy I don't know if I were taking a gal out on a date, it was obvious we were out on a date, yet, when I go to the bathroom, he flirts with her.

When do I think this random "other guy" on vacation, who know she's taken by someone he doesn't know as he doesn't really know her, is crossing My lines? When knowing that she's taken, and I'm around.... or on a vacation and he's lobbying her. Obviously that can be mixed between the two -- but to the degree that he does any level of arm-twisting is the degree he's more in the wrong. That doesn't make it Shared responsibility between them. It's separate & individual-based. But yeah, he's crossing ethical lines if he's trying to convince in any way. Could be slight and overshadowed by WTF-did-she-do? She's not an inferior being, being a woman. She's 100% responsible whether she was convinced, or she went purely on the offensive to get some c0ck. But sure, as a side, that guy's an a-hole if knowing and having to play any role in convincing. If he doesn't at all, I'm not going to blame him. Just because I wouldn't want to hang out with the guy if I were to somehow ever run into him, doesn't mean he did anything wrong -- bad litmus test (see recent ex's with 'new guy').

IMO: It's one's responsibilities, when knowing their taken, to not chase said individual or to play any convincing role to fool around if you're not 6-degrees-from-Kevin-Bacon of that person or their SO. If it's all them after ya, if you accept, as you're not some relationship-counselor, it's all on them, not the person they seduced.
 SomedaySomeone84
Joined: 5/26/2011
Msg: 120
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Affairs: Would you ever get together with a married person?
Posted: 6/28/2015 6:39:46 PM
You kind of are a dirtbag for putting those stipulations on a first date but she doesn't deserve to be called a wif. For showing up in the first place. I do give you props for turning back last minute, but she cheated and she was the wife, that's her responsibility. Sad society, sad soon to be exwife out there, pathetic actions on her part
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 121
Affairs: Would you ever get together with a married person?
Posted: 6/28/2015 9:57:03 PM
Why would anyone go for a married person when there are so many single people?
------------------
Well, I can think of one reason. Married women aren't nearly as likely to expect that sex means relationship.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 122
Affairs: Would you ever get together with a married person?
Posted: 6/28/2015 11:08:05 PM
Capitano, your cuckold situation was more of a threesome than anything else. It's not about someone having to sneak around or seek fulfillment with someone else, which is why no, I wouldn't consider it an affair either.

"I read with interest whatever you write. Why did you categorically decide not to date on POF? Does it mean there is no hope?"

POF I never used because it seemed particularly "bottom of the barrel." I used OKC, Match, JDate and EHar-money. Mostly OKC. I suppose ultimately, the quality was not all that different whether free or paid.

I don't date online simply because of my crummy experiences that repeated themselves over and over..I was finding the same stuff, the same issues, the same problems, no matter how much "screening" I did, no matter how many phone calls, emails, "sussing people out" and actually cancelling upcoming dates because they didn't FEEL right. But I found I could not assure myself of anything semi normal even with the "pre screening"..I had to go on that first date. THEN the stories about heavy debt, the STD's, the drinking/drug issues, pushing me for sex that night, the unemployment, the no car, the living at home with the parents thing...it was just around and around with major dealbreakers.

We aren't just talking about "quirks" here...or that someone was too short or too tall or had a bit of a gut..good Lord, if only! We were talking about pretty significant and handicapping personal issues, money problems (a big thing) and the "bait and switchers" who talked a good game before we met about yes, this is all about taking things slow, etc etc then the push for sex right after dinner.

So as far as "giving up"..well, everyone is different. Some people can do well online, take it for what it is, or abandon it. I took the "insanity is the definition of doing the same thing over and over expecting different results" route and stopped.

However, you could argue that playing lottery tickets over and over and over again is also the definition of insanity..but someone out there always wins.
 sealady111
Joined: 5/31/2015
Msg: 123
Affairs: Would you ever get together with a married person?
Posted: 6/28/2015 11:14:59 PM
My experience of on line dating has been the same as Volcano.
Different sites here in Oz, but the end result is the same.

Not quirks, but significant deal breakers.

I hate to say it but there are so many 'single' men out there who are 'broken'.
That along with the pushing for sex is to me a no go.

I took a break and then decided that, like the lottery you have to be in it to win it.
Giving up was just that. Giving up. I am still hopeful that not all of the good men are taken.

My decision is that I have a lot of love to give and would like to find a lovely man to share that love.

Alas since returning my experience has not changed.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 124
Affairs: Would you ever get together with a married person?
Posted: 6/28/2015 11:45:35 PM

the "bait and switchers" who talked a good game before we met about yes, this is all about taking things slow, etc etc then the push for sex right after dinner.



That along with the pushing for sex is to me a no go.


What is this Push for Sex, & how are they Pushing for Sex........

As far as I know, I haven't Pushed for Sex, Sex came along as a Mutual Thing & just progressed to it......
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 125
Affairs: Would you ever get together with a married person?
Posted: 6/29/2015 12:09:44 AM
The pressure for sex on the first date, regardless of how I felt about the situation.

In my effort to try to "prescreen" (and avoid the "bad picker syndrome") I would clearly let every guy know I am looking for a LTR, and not sex on the first date/casual hook ups. This would be communicated to me as "understood" by the guy, and then I go on the date and the invitations to go back to his place would start up. With one guy, by the end of the night, I could tell he was getting grumpy and wanted to know "how far is it back to your place?" I guess, trying to hint around and hustle things up to a possible good outcome for himself. I steered the conversation back to saying goodbye because we were at the end of the date. I went to give him a hug goodbye and he said in a pouty tone: "wow, I guess I'm not too hideous to touch".

Later that night in an e-mail he said he wished we would have gone further physically.

Really...what am I supposed to do with that?

I also had another guy reveal to me he had genital herpes and tried to manipulate me into sleeping with him, citing that his PAST girlfriends had slept with him on the first date..and then he went on to tell me how the last two contracted herpes from him!

What a selling point!!!!

Ugh. Just thinking about this stuff is turnin' my gut!
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