Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Dad with 24 yr old daughter, very close.      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 shirleywonton01
Joined: 4/30/2015
Msg: 26
Dad with 24 yr old daughter, very close.Page 2 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

I dated a 'wealthy' [in terms of money] guy and when I eventually met his children his eldest daughter was so rude to me, even suggesting I was only there for his money.
I was so annoyed he didnt immediately put her straight, but over time and witnessing more closely his relationship with his kids made me realise the dynamics of theirs and his relationship. He did spend an awful lot of money on them but not much time with them.
To my mind he helped perpetuate the idea that his money was the 'sum' of him.

The eldest daughter never let up on the insults and he didn't adhere to my request to keep us apart so I backed out, no way I'm having anything to do with family stuff. Likewise, I dont want/need interference with mine.
Tread carefully.


Thanks for sharing your experience mysticus, I appreciate it. I too dated a guy last year with a grown daughter who let me know the first time we were alone together that his house is staying in the family, going into her name so don't think I will ever own it????? I asked her why she felt the need to say that to me. Said his 2nd wife wanted to sell and split so get got a mortgage on it to pay her off.

What is with these people? I told him I was done with him due to his obnoxious daughter. He defended her of course. He's still single and she's still micro-managing his life.
 shirleywonton01
Joined: 4/30/2015
Msg: 27
Dad with 24 yr old daughter, very close.
Posted: 6/10/2015 11:39:06 AM

Well, I'm the first to admit that I don't want to be involved with anyone who's always up the a$$ of an adult son or daughter or vice versa. But honestly, unless you're dating the guy, their relationship -- dysfunctional or not -- is probably none of your business.


He's trying to include me in their relationship and very much wants me to be his girlfriend. I'm not sure what planet you are in but if you have a study partner with a developing friendship who wants more.., you check things out before moving forward.
 MissScawlett
Joined: 3/26/2015
Msg: 28
Dad with 24 yr old daughter, very close.
Posted: 6/10/2015 11:48:14 AM
"...very much wants me to be his girlfriend"

Really? Because that isn't what I read. I read "he's trying to start something" -- maybe he just wants to get laid? We don't know. I just based my comment on what you said -- that you weren't romantically involved with the guy.

And I don't appreciate your snarky comment about "what planet am I from". If you don't want honest opinions from people, don't air your problems on here.
 Whistle_Stop
Joined: 4/9/2015
Msg: 29
Dad with 24 yr old daughter, very close.
Posted: 6/10/2015 12:00:50 PM
OP....You are not suited for each other so, don't encourage this man any further or take advantage of his good nature.
I have seen this attitude(yours) towards a parent and their grown children before and it's a sad situation.
We are fools if we don't think some people have a close relationship with their adult children. I would much rather see/hear that than the alternative.
He is alone and she may be concerned for him and his well being.

It sounds to me, that he is a "nice" guy....I wish all fathers would make an effort to be in their childs lives.
If....you find it too much or unacceptable for your taste and have no inclination to open your heart or mind to his daughter...leave him alone.
 shirleywonton01
Joined: 4/30/2015
Msg: 30
Dad with 24 yr old daughter, very close.
Posted: 6/10/2015 12:16:01 PM
whistle stop,

I have made it clear I'm not interested romantically and we are still study partners/friends because he insists and I'd be a fool not to continue to learn from him. He tells everyone I am talented in the field and talks about how much he enjoys studying and discussing subject matter with me. Are you saying I should decline all offers and stop studying together? I don't know but it may come to that if his daughter is with him constantly. I just don't like those type of dynamics. I've been very clear and honest and if he wants to come over and help me projects I won't say no. Who is using who? Or is anybody using anyone? Maybe he likes hanging out with me?

One of the reasons it's off the table for me to be romantic with him is I asked him when was his last relationship, this was a while back. It had been a couple of years since the last serious gf and he volunteered more saying it ended when his daughter moved in with him for a few months. Yikes!
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/18/2015
Msg: 31
Dad with 24 yr old daughter, very close.
Posted: 6/10/2015 12:19:34 PM
I get what you are saying, shirleywonton, but it seems this guy
isn't a match for you.

I might keep him as a study partner and keep things clearly
platonic, but I'd not let him be helpful around the house doing
chores, etc, because clearly he is thinking you are in some sort
of relationship.

If you make it plain to him that you're not interested in a
relationship, but you would like to keep studying with him,
be prepared for him to not oblige.

But therein lies the problem perhaps.

Edit:

Shirley, surely you see that he might be offering to come over
and do jobs for you because he thinks it could lead into something
else? Don't keep dangling. There are other people that can help you
out that have no interest otherwise.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 32
Dad with 24 yr old daughter, very close.
Posted: 6/10/2015 12:32:21 PM
ShirleyWonton1...you keep driving the point you have no romantic interest in this man yet tend to convincingly turn yourself inside-out complaining about his daughter (who lives 1000+ miles away and visiting for a brief time...) as if she has *ANY* material impact on your life.

He is simply a college study partner...albeit one who also mows your lawn by choice, does landscaping, refinishes furniture at your home, helps you with wedding preparations you have undertaken...when he is not facilitating your ongoing educational advancement or otherwise attending to his daughter, of course. He might be a scoundrel. Be careful.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 33
Dad with 24 yr old daughter, very close.
Posted: 6/10/2015 12:52:26 PM
Have any of those two hour phone conversations or constant checking up phone calls happen in your presence? If he's busy with phone chat while you two are middle of studying, possibly find another study partner who isn't being constantly interrupted. It will be hard to have half a friendship with him if you do and don't want him in your life.
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 34
Dad with 24 yr old daughter, very close.
Posted: 6/10/2015 12:58:35 PM

We are not romantic or exclusive


You said you weren’t comfortable with the close relationship he has with his daughter. You want romance with him now because other people tell you he’s a “great catch.” I guess that would explain why you are so jealous of the time he spends with his daughter.

Now you say you’ve childishly declared you’ll spend time with him but not her…?


He flirts and is working the situation …


This sounds like something the clueless guys on here say. “Working the situation”?


…even though I've said we are not a match, and my friends all think he's great and he will grow on me, so I am being pressured and keeping the door open a tiny bit.


Wow, how old are you? What a selfish, childish way of thinking.

Guess what, she’s his daughter for the rest of their lives. If you try to come between him and his daughter he will grow to resent you and hate you.

You obviously don’t care about him or his feelings. You’re just scheming because your friends are telling you he’s a “great catch.”

Be a decent human being and tell him the truth….you think he is codependent with his daughter and that you know she is jealous of you, that should settle “the situation” for you.

Edit: Oh here we go…more to the “story.”

First it’s:


We are not romantic or exclusive


Now he:


….very much wants me to be his girlfriend. …..we are still study partners/friends because he insists


Yeah, right. If he’s such a desperate little puppy dog, it should be easy for you to get him to get rid of his daughter for you, right?

You add too much too quickly to your little story and it just ends up looking foolish.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 35
view profile
History
Dad with 24 yr old daughter, very close.
Posted: 6/10/2015 1:09:10 PM
You have no romantic interest in him, yet you are talking to your friends about him, and you are pissed off about his daughter being around or calling, seems men's daughters are jealous of you in at least one other situation, and you find nothing at all wrong with taking advantage of his interest in you because he's usable, just like you see his daughter using him, so do you. Personally I do not take advantage of people just because there are times I can, that goes against how I believe we should treat others, but to each his own. None of this matters because he's not yours, you don't want him unless he comes without the daughter and then only it would seem to appease your girlfriends. Why would you even consider making both of your lives a living misery?
 import_from_uk
Joined: 5/12/2015
Msg: 36
Dad with 24 yr old daughter, very close.
Posted: 6/10/2015 1:42:40 PM

I was raised to let the phone go to message when you have company in person, taught it was disrespectful to answer.
But you aren't "company" as such. You're simply a study friend and so, it's not unreasonable that someone answers their phone briefly if a call comes in from someone who matters. And if you think the way you were raised is deeply ingrained, perhaps other people were raised with family connections coming first, being ingrained?
However, your connection with this man, as a study partner, is merely casual and almost an errand in the sense of jointly performing a task that has to be slotted in. You aren't a person of significant to this man by your own admittance so I don't think it's unreasonable he answers his phone when you are present. Why are you choosing to be offended by his actions ? It's not as if you are on a date and it's time carved out to be focussed on each other. His core values simply don't equal yours but it's hardly a big deal in the given circumstances. It doesn't make you wrong or him wrong, it's just different, I think.


They are closer than most father/grown daughter dynamics I've seen before. The 2 hour phone calls are almost daily when I'm not around. Then she continues to check in throughout the day.
To be honest, I wish my relationship with my parents was more this way. As they age, I realize more and more that my time with them is limited. We simply don't have enough in common to find so much to discuss but maybe they do.


I told him yesterday he has spoiled her if she thinks the airline is at fault and not her when she arrives 15 minutes late after final boarding call and they won't stop everything to accommodate her. He responded that his ex wife says the same thing and he does spoil her rotten.
And maybe he has. I think it is perhaps a little indulgent not to have stated that the airline doesn't run on her schedule but she's required to be there in a timely manner. However, again, I don't understand why it's something you commented on for such a casual acquaintance.

Are you perhaps more interested in this man that you realize?


I might have considered getting serious about him but this is the last straw. He's very nice and recently helped me for 3 days as I hosted a wedding reception. He worked hard, refinished wood benches in the yard, mowed the lawn etc... But a co-dependent unhealthy relationship with his grown daughter is not attractive to me.


Again, the other side of this is, that if you were serious with him, you would be a given a higher priority but as the situation currently is, I don't think it's inappropriate that his daughter his higher up in his priorities than a study partner, neighbor, work colleague, etc.

I think you might be writing this man off for his treatment towards you, before being someone significant. But it doesn't mean he'd act the same way if you ever did become someone special.

Just my two cents.
 shirleywonton01
Joined: 4/30/2015
Msg: 37
Dad with 24 yr old daughter, very close.
Posted: 6/10/2015 1:51:27 PM
I'm screwed. I think I do have a few little feelings towards him. He just called and they want to treat me to lunch today. I can't get away from work but I thought that was very sweet. Maybe she's not all that bad?

Note to all guys who have a crush on someone:
Offer to help her with all the hard projects around her house. Make yourself valuable and she may take you more seriously.
 MissScawlett
Joined: 3/26/2015
Msg: 38
Dad with 24 yr old daughter, very close.
Posted: 6/10/2015 1:54:27 PM
"Note to all guys who have a crush on someone:
Offer to help her with all the hard projects around her house. Make yourself valuable and she may take you more seriously."

You did not just say that ...

In other words, guys, if you want a piece of all this, you're gonna work your a$$ off for it.
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 39
Dad with 24 yr old daughter, very close.
Posted: 6/10/2015 2:00:49 PM

Offer to help her with all the hard projects around her house. Make yourself valuable and she may take you more seriously.


But....but....what happens if you do all those things and she just says.... thanks for being a sweetheart....see ya.... ;)



J/k
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 40
Dad with 24 yr old daughter, very close.
Posted: 6/10/2015 2:20:46 PM
Or what if he mows your lawn, does your gardening, refinishes your furniture, prepares your house for a wedding...and after all that...it still turns out he is NOT really all that interested romantically and is just being a nice guy? Crazier things happen out in the world.
 deetristate
Joined: 12/4/2014
Msg: 41
Dad with 24 yr old daughter, very close.
Posted: 6/10/2015 2:38:47 PM
Just repeat message number 4 here.
 123nightmoves
Joined: 6/2/2015
Msg: 42
Dad with 24 yr old daughter, very close.
Posted: 6/10/2015 3:22:09 PM
I hope he wakes up and smells the roses because this flower reeks of me, me, me. I see a selfish, narrow minded control freak. I'm wondering what exactly HE is getting from all this as he is chasing, he's teaching, he's helping study, he is doing yard work and he's getting what? Nothing. His daughter loves him and he should give this up for what, being used?
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 43
Dad with 24 yr old daughter, very close.
Posted: 6/10/2015 3:37:13 PM

and keeping the door open a tiny bit.


Maybe...just maybe instead of the door slamming shut, for once the door will swing wide open for full fledged romance.

I've seen one or two positive threads the last few days....nice to see for a change. Instead of the doom and gloom brigade.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 44
Dad with 24 yr old daughter, very close.
Posted: 6/10/2015 4:33:54 PM
motowncowgirl- "You will never change his dynamic with his daughter", sadly, that's not always true, I'm living with what happens when someone meets another person who purposely drives in that wedge and chooses them over their children and it sucks.
I should probably stay away from this thread, I can practically FEEL my blood pressure rising and my temper coming on. :(
The OP saying "I don't want him, yet I want to tell him how to parent his daughter"?!
Yup, I better bow out.
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 45
Dad with 24 yr old daughter, very close.
Posted: 6/10/2015 5:35:15 PM

The OP saying "I don't want him, yet I want to tell him how to parent his daughter"?!



I'm screwed. I think I do have a few little feelings towards him. He just called and they want to treat me to lunch today. I can't get away from work but I thought that was very sweet. Maybe she's not all that bad?

Note to all guys who have a crush on someone:
Offer to help her with all the hard projects around her house. Make yourself valuable and she may take you more seriously.


54 years old and bossy as hell about someone she can't admit to having feelings for from the get go in order to solicit sympathy and/or a collective "boo" to the man that won't get off the phone with his daughter.
THEN to top it off suggests to men that they work their asses off for attention and to be valued. Seriously??!!!

World wrapped around you much Ms. Wonton? I'm sorry but I agree with most of the women here.
(Breathe in Bama Breath out! lol)

Here's a tip..... whenever you have a gripe about someone.. anyone .. take a look within to why are you complaining.
WHO ARE YOU ? Why are you complaining. Why does it bother you? Forget what's right or wrong to you for a minute and think about where your gripe is coming from for a moment rather than the person you are griping about.
Most of the time it can be discovered that its not the other person but............the problem is you.
Personal growth often occurs from such realizations.
My suggestion
is grow up, be honest, be fairer and be nicer.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 46
Dad with 24 yr old daughter, very close.
Posted: 6/10/2015 6:16:37 PM
charminc- My temper is something I have learned to respect and do my best to control, 90% (or so) of the time, I manage it.
Some people on here THINK they have seen me get mad and somewhat, they have, but when I get REALLY worked up, that's when I check out, because if I don't, nothing good happens.
Somewhere I said I was going to post a top 5 ways to get Bamagrl mad.
Affecting the lives of children, being selfish in that way, could possibly be #1, somebody went after literhikers daughter in another thread and I had to log off when I saw it. oooooeeeee, yup, my read hair is standing on end right now and steam is coming out of my ears.
Breath 1-2-3, breath 1-2-3.
Thank you Charmin, I needed that. :)
 import_from_uk
Joined: 5/12/2015
Msg: 47
Dad with 24 yr old daughter, very close.
Posted: 6/10/2015 6:23:25 PM

I'm screwed. I think I do have a few little feelings towards him. He just called and they want to treat me to lunch today. I can't get away from work but I thought that was very sweet. Maybe she's not all that bad?


So, like a grown adult, knowing his daughter is visiting him for a while, you suggested a couple of alternative dates..?


Note to all guys who have a crush on someone:
Offer to help her with all the hard projects around her house. Make yourself valuable and she may take you more seriously.


I don't think this is the right man for you. When you start asking yourself what *you* can do for *him* to make his day a little easier, that's the man you want. When it's all about what he can do for you, it's not a relationship based on giving but a relationship based on taking, and that will bite you in the bum eventually.
 motowncowgirl
Joined: 3/24/2015
Msg: 48
Dad with 24 yr old daughter, very close.
Posted: 6/10/2015 6:53:08 PM

motowncowgirl- "You will never change his dynamic with his daughter", sadly, that's not always true, I'm living with what happens when someone meets another person who purposely drives in that wedge and chooses them over their children and it sucks.

i agree and i'm sorry that happened to you.


54 years old and bossy as hell about someone she can't admit to having feelings for from the get go in order to solicit sympathy and/or a collective "boo" to the man that won't get off the phone with his daughter.
THEN to top it off suggests to men that they work their asses off for attention and to be valued. Seriously??!!!

op I think you need to take a step back and remove your ego and/or emotions from whatever decision you're about to make. because based on everything you've said so far, it pretty much looks like this isn't going to end well for anybody.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 49
view profile
History
Dad with 24 yr old daughter, very close.
Posted: 6/10/2015 11:14:38 PM
Oh here we go, the whole thing was a set up and now, lol, soon it will be the love of all times and poopoo on us losers. Not like this stuff hasn't been posted many times before.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 50
Dad with 24 yr old daughter, very close.
Posted: 6/10/2015 11:52:59 PM

So, you want to continue to use him for studying, but the daughter gets in the way?

Oh, well, drop her off at the lotustemple.


What Ya did there.......... I See............
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Dad with 24 yr old daughter, very close.