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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Dad with 24 yr old daughter, very close.      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 tallish3243
Joined: 7/23/2015
Msg: 101
Dad with 24 yr old daughter, very close.Page 5 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

No one is perfect, especially me.


You got that right.
 NYPrincessZelda
Joined: 11/12/2010
Msg: 102
Dad with 24 yr old daughter, very close.
Posted: 8/8/2015 7:07:47 PM
In short, THIS WONT WORK,
 ClooneysMentor
Joined: 8/2/2015
Msg: 103
Dad with 24 yr old daughter, very close.
Posted: 8/8/2015 7:42:16 PM


You're Purely Platonic. If you're Not interested, not romantic, and there's nothing to "dump", etc -- why are you so concerned?


Exactly.

Interesting how some folks assume they're offering someone a possible relationship, as if they hold the key the other person needs to reach for.

All about them and what they offer, eh?
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 104
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History
Dad with 24 yr old daughter, very close.
Posted: 8/9/2015 10:02:09 AM

Interesting how some folks assume they're offering someone a possible relationship, as if they hold the key the other person needs to reach for.

It's a power trip. To be fair, said key-holder may not be fully aware or have some set conscious desire to play games at all.... it's just a by-product of their teen-like mindset. After it continues for a while, you end up having less sympathy for the person reaching for the key, as they should know after some time that they're just playing the other's game.

Usually people (namely girls) shed the whole guy-friend-who-wants-me 1-on-1 friendship by their mid-to-later 20s. They end up seeing the negative by-product to it at some point, or experience what it's like to be a key-reacher, and realize how it's not good. But to some, it springs back up after a divorce later in life, or some just never shed it, really. They get the attention of the opp-sex (flattery, validation) -- and a guy who's going to go to bat for them if/when they need it (and an actual friendship too). A real litmus test as to whether they want that key-holding / key-reaching situation is if the key holder gets frustrated if the other's attention goes in other directions.
 honeycognac
Joined: 11/22/2010
Msg: 105
Dad with 24 yr old daughter, very close.
Posted: 8/12/2015 4:16:07 AM
He sounds wonderful to me. A valuable study partner, so helpful to you for your wedding reception, and a loving father. My father, long since gone, had no idea how to have a relationship with any of his children which has given all of us issues. And I married (and divorced) a deadbeat father who abandoned our children. I personally melt when I see a devoted father. Who are we to judge what is "unhealthy" and "codependent"? I've learned to never interfere in parent/child relationships. They simply are - what they are. And better to have one - than to not have one. I'm very close to my adult daughter and my son lives abroad and when he does come home - don't anyone dare try to come between us.
 shirleywonton01
Joined: 4/30/2015
Msg: 106
Dad with 24 yr old daughter, very close.
Posted: 8/12/2015 9:38:50 PM
^^^Hey, I'll give you his phone number if you want it. He's a great guy and is "getting" how to be more balanced in life, how not ruin a prospective romance by treating his grown daughter likes she's 5 yrs old and there are no baby sitters in the world.

He won't be my bf, I don't want someone that needs to be trained. And hopefully it will work out with the next lady he dates whenever he gets over his crush on me.
 rennips1949
Joined: 3/6/2015
Msg: 107
Dad with 24 yr old daughter, very close.
Posted: 8/13/2015 8:07:31 AM
I confess that I have not read the entire thread. But this jumped out at me.


I've said we are not a match,

Then how is all this any concern of yours, if the guy is only a platonic friend/study partner?

You are a grown-up woman, correct? Then how can anybody "pressure" you?
 Peas_
Joined: 5/2/2015
Msg: 108
Dad with 24 yr old daughter, very close.
Posted: 8/21/2015 9:57:49 AM


Then how is all this any concern of yours, if the guy is only a platonic friend/study partner?


He does free fix-it guy home repair for her. While dangling the relationship carrot in front of him without intentions of said intimate relations.
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 109
Dad with 24 yr old daughter, very close.
Posted: 8/21/2015 6:44:52 PM

Dates cancelled at the last minutes because the poor child (28 and married) can't get a babysitter and wants to go to the bar. Being told we can't make weekend plans in advance because heaven forbid the little princess might be in need of a babysitter.


Sounds to me like a preemptive strike to blow you and your suggestions off to me. ymmv



Or how about the guy, who gave his daughter money unendingly and then asked to borrow money from me to make ends meet.


You could have twisted the knife a little harder and said he never paid you back. :/


so I have come to the conclusion that men with little princesses in the background are not for me.


And let it be known the queen has spoken. You sound like a truly happy camper. :/
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 110
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History
Dad with 24 yr old daughter, very close.
Posted: 8/21/2015 6:54:19 PM

He won't be my bf, I don't want someone that needs to be trained.

Ehhh, you can have other women train him (as indicated in your post to the other poster)... :)

And hopefully it will work out with the next lady he dates whenever he gets over his crush on me.

You forgot the hair flip at the end! ;) I'm sure his crush on you is killing ya, when going out of your way to spend 1-on-1 time together! [PS: Damn his daughter!!]

He does free fix-it guy home repair for her. While dangling the relationship carrot in front of him without intentions of said intimate relations.

Wait -- women do that? I thought only guys did that. ;) Oh wait, it'd be: "While dangling his carrot in front of her without intentions of a relationship." Hey, at least sexual relations is mutually beneficial (although one's mileage may vary).

Being told we can't make weekend plans in advance because heaven forbid the little princess might be in need of a babysitter. .... Or how about the guy, who gave his daughter money unendingly and then asked to borrow money from me to make ends meet. Why did she need the money? Because she had quit her job, was travelling through Europe and blew all her money (twice!)

Well, let's be fair here -- that's not what it's about. It's that he has an emotional Needy daughter, which yes, can get on people's nerves a bit here and there...

So OP, my advice is to run screaming in the other direction!

OH, you missed a very key point, though. She's not into him, nor ever will be. She doesn't want anything more than friends. He wants her though. His needy daughter taking up her time of guy-with-crush-on-her is ticking her off. :)
 Peas_
Joined: 5/2/2015
Msg: 111
Dad with 24 yr old daughter, very close.
Posted: 8/21/2015 7:04:08 PM
I can see NG now...

Oh wait, it'd be: "While dangling his carrot in front of her...


 actualizing
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 112
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History
Dad with 24 yr old daughter, very close.
Posted: 8/22/2015 9:28:18 PM
OP I would go with your gut instinct here. It sounds like a codependency to me. They are not healthy, nor are they cute.

That being said, it also would not get up in his business about it. You are just study buddies. Also, if he asks for your opinion, go ahead and let him know what you think, otherwise be wise and do not interfere.

Good luck.
 Peas_
Joined: 5/2/2015
Msg: 113
Dad with 24 yr old daughter, very close.
Posted: 8/23/2015 9:07:16 AM

Didn't matter whether it was with a friend or a date, the calls and demands for attention were inappropriate, so why is the behaviour acceptable in the relationship between a man and his child?


It's not appropriate. It is dysfunctional that type of emotional neediness. BUT the OP is using this man. It's none of her business what the relationship is with the daughter if she has no intentions of a romantic relationship being reciprocated that he longs for with her.

I wouldn't date a man with children at home yet or the level of emotional needy that is described here either. But OP is not dating him and has stated she won't, although she likes what he does for her, the daughter throws a monkey wrench into her time getting things done by him.

Too much drama.
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 114
Dad with 24 yr old daughter, very close.
Posted: 8/23/2015 12:04:20 PM

the OP is using this man. It's none of her business what the relationship is with the daughter if she has no intentions of a romantic relationship being reciprocated that he longs for with her.

I wouldn't date a man with children at home yet or the level of emotional needy that is described here either. But OP is not dating him and has stated she won't, although she likes what he does for her, the daughter throws a monkey wrench into her time getting things done by him.




I highly concur with the above post by the lovely poster Peas
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 115
Dad with 24 yr old daughter, very close.
Posted: 8/24/2015 10:32:26 AM
so, the man has a daughter who uses him, and the OP uses him. Proof that women use people, or more likely...he invites the same type of person into his life, over and over? that he is the constant, rather than some womens' characteristic that likely doesn't exist in all women?
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 116
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History
Dad with 24 yr old daughter, very close.
Posted: 8/24/2015 10:40:22 AM
Exactly, and the not-his-girlfriend is quite put out that the daughter has a bigger & better hook in dad.
 sun_and_cinnamon
Joined: 1/19/2015
Msg: 117
Dad with 24 yr old daughter, very close.
Posted: 8/24/2015 2:08:24 PM
This reminds me the last time I was on Match, I came across a mans profile, late 30's. His daughter was over 18 and she was in every photo except his main one. I just thought the photos were bizarre, in one she was in a very sexy cat Halloween costume, sitting on dad's lap wit his hand on her thigh. Another he was giving her a piggy back ride with her 5 inch heels.....I'm just wondering how other women were reacting to the profile....
 11qq
Joined: 7/17/2015
Msg: 118
Dad with 24 yr old daughter, very close.
Posted: 8/24/2015 2:12:29 PM
^^^ Maybe he was just SAYING it was his daughter.

It could possibly be his previous lover.
 slothlover_007
Joined: 8/17/2015
Msg: 119
Dad with 24 yr old daughter, very close.
Posted: 8/25/2015 1:03:13 PM
If his daughter calls him, he obv will choose to talk to her...as she IS his daughter. He's known her way longer than you. I think it's great they are so close considering there are many people who have no or terrible relationships with their fathers.
This relationship is separate from you- it's father-daughter, so it'd be wise not to try to alter/analyze it. Plus, you're not even exclusive/romantic with him. If it's not your thing, just let it go & find someone else. Good luck.
 shirleywonton01
Joined: 4/30/2015
Msg: 120
Dad with 24 yr old daughter, very close.
Posted: 8/25/2015 8:41:15 PM

so, the man has a daughter who uses him, and the OP uses him. Proof that women use people, or more likely...he invites the same type of person into his life, over and over? that he is the constant, rather than some womens' characteristic that likely doesn't exist in all women?
-gtomustang

Wow, surprise surprise! I thought you were a straight up kinda guy?? What's with the nasty fabricated attack? Are you a misogynist or an alcoholic or both? Because you pulled this stuff right out of your a_s.

He was one of 7 people who helped me prepare and host a wedding reception which is a heck of a lot of work. Everything he did he volunteered to do on his own, I didn't turn down any of the help that was offered and I financed it all happily. All 7 friends pitched in and helped me decorate, cook, set up tents, create a bar, etc... The wedding couple are our friends, and they wanted the an outdoor party at my place.

To the many posters with helpful advice: I have officially ended the friendship and our study partnership. He and his daughter are too codependent and it's creeping me out. A few of our mutual friends are telling me the same thing and are wondering if there is anything incestuous going on, and I witnessed something to that effect. I rarely end friendships but I am done and didn't really know him, it's been less than a year. He's new in our social circle and I'm pretty sure he will be out of it soon enough.

Thanks to those who were helpful.
 ClooneysMentor
Joined: 8/2/2015
Msg: 121
Dad with 24 yr old daughter, very close.
Posted: 8/25/2015 8:52:47 PM


I rarely end friendships but I am done and didn't really know him, it's been less than a year. He's new in our social circle and I'm pretty sure he will be out of it soon enough.


Oh, so he's the one losing here, eh? Missing out on your friendship?

What a gem you are...
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 122
Dad with 24 yr old daughter, very close.
Posted: 8/25/2015 9:30:12 PM

Oh, so he's the one losing here, eh? Missing out on your friendship?

What a gem you are...



*sends wine to Cali for this gem
 7seatac
Joined: 8/12/2015
Msg: 123
Dad with 24 yr old daughter, very close.
Posted: 8/25/2015 9:34:17 PM
Sending wine and Lubriderm to Cali.

And something to slurp a little further north.
 ClooneysMentor
Joined: 8/2/2015
Msg: 124
Dad with 24 yr old daughter, very close.
Posted: 8/25/2015 9:36:25 PM
My hands will be smelling fine for a long time!
 11qq
Joined: 7/17/2015
Msg: 125
Dad with 24 yr old daughter, very close.
Posted: 8/26/2015 6:18:53 AM
EXCELLENT REPLY MR. CLOONEY!!!
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Dad with 24 yr old daughter, very close.