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 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 12
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Will you date/marry someone that you don't feel the attraction?Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
Oh gads, the "They're doing it, you should too!" argument. Since both of my parents are gone, my uncle stepped in and started to push me about kids. That started about two years after I got married. In short order, I wasn't getting a hello from him. My greeting was,

"Is your wife pregnant yet????"

I started to avoid him just because of that. This went on for years. When I got divorced, I didn't tell him. How he found out, I don't know. He started to set me up with really young women. (I was 55 at the time) These women were single for some VERY good reasons. I finally had it out with him, and the last conversation I ever had, was me yelling, and furious at what he was doing. He died this past winter, and I can't say I miss him-at all.

Obviously, your mother is only interested in what her friends may be thinking about this. My suggestion- go have it out with her. You might have a remote chance of persuading her to seeing your position in all of this.
 ThatGirlNamedAlli
Joined: 12/28/2013
Msg: 13
Will you date/marry someone that you don't feel the attraction?
Posted: 6/13/2015 7:50:38 PM
I wouldn't, no. If I HAD to for some reason, forced into it somehow, guilted into it somehow, I'd be having affairs big time and he would know it.
 loveisatemple
Joined: 3/28/2014
Msg: 14
Will you date/marry someone that you don't feel the attraction?
Posted: 6/14/2015 1:36:18 AM
"So after so many years of trying...I probably have dated no less than 100 women from multiple sites, I finally got tired of it. My last relationship just ended, it lasted one year though. So my mom is completely tired of my shit and demended me to hook up with the girls that she will set me up. "

Woah, mommy is tired o your shitz? I did not know she ruled your dating and childbearing decisions. Apparently, family means more to you than your own choices. If that is not a recipe for misery and entrapment....

"So I met this girl, she's 12 years younger than me. I thought she will never want to date me. But I was wrong. We went out and I did not feel the click. She's not really my type. I like girls have some curve, some boobs, ass. really, my ex is a bit overweight. Anyway, this girl looks so thin and I hate the way she dress herself. And her face isn't that pretty. 12 years age gap basically make the conversation a bit off the track. "

Just wondering...are you very picky in all past ltrs? Is it possible you are seeking goddess like perfection...because most women are not perfect. If they are great to look at, maybe a bit dull or vain or...I think here you have to pick some important quality and go with that...as dating more women looking for a beauty, mother to be, etc.. may not be that realistic. I look around, see very few perfect women, in personality or looks.

"I thought she would feel the same about no chemistry. I was wrong again, she was quited fond of me. Basically her mom and my mom are getting closer and closer to promote this relationship. And I am not sure why she's in such a hurry. I am in a hurry becaues my clock is ticking but she's still young. I want to have a family and kids. judging by the women I met online for so many years, she's not a bad candidate. Her family is pretty well off and would make a good wife I assume. "

You call. I knew a guy who had kids with a gf but never did marry her, as they were not that happy but she wanted kids. I saw his profile online again, and it hasn't been 2 years.


"Truth is, I don't know what I am doing here. Keep dating her and marry her maybe? or keep fishing online and get disappointed again and again."

Just date, goodness. If you think she might be a long term choice vs a baby machine, after some experience with her, that is your decision, nothing anyone here can advise.

Only you will know, but look at how realistic your expectations are. Are you able to sustain a ltr?
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 15
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Will you date/marry someone that you don't feel the attraction?
Posted: 6/14/2015 11:13:32 PM

Truth is, I don't know what I am doing here. Keep dating her and marry her maybe? or keep fishing online and get disappointed again and again.

WTF? lol You Do have an arranged marriage mindset. That's basically what it is if you're thinking/debating marriage after a first date served by your parents.

Look -- no. Do NOT make the mistake many people do in getting married for the sake of getting married. Wanting to "be married" as if it's a better position. In and of itself, it's not. It's the main factor in marriages not working in today's modern world.

Only date a gal you're Physically Attracted to... and attracted to personality-wise as well. If you're not physically attracted, you're most likely not going to feel a "click", as that "click" has a lot of weight in looks (hence she feeling "chemistry", and you not; physical attraction).

Don't get married for the sake of getting married. That's insane. Insane. You mine as well just get a Russian Bride then - lol.
 rhinestonesky
Joined: 6/9/2015
Msg: 16
Will you date/marry someone that you don't feel the attraction?
Posted: 6/15/2015 2:16:26 PM
I would if we were best friends and good companions. If I could trust him and he was there for me, yes. If he was a good and honorable man whom I liked and respected, yes.
 Qura
Joined: 8/5/2014
Msg: 17
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Will you date/marry someone that you don't feel the attraction?
Posted: 6/15/2015 4:43:43 PM
Marrying someone without attraction is about the stupidest idea ever (in modern day U.S., that is).

You will be tempted all the time b/c sex will not be very satisfying.

She will be tempted all the time b/c sex will not be very satisfying.


Now, dating someone to see if attraction develops? Worth a shot. 3 dates or so should be enough to figure it out. A great sense of humor can lead to attraction where you least expect it (for some).

But to push ahead without it, b/c your mom wants grandkids? Yeah, just plain stupid.

Sorry to be blunt--but really, did you even need to ask? What did you think people would say? I'm actually curious about that.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 18
Will you date/marry someone that you don't feel the attraction?
Posted: 6/22/2015 6:35:02 AM
If there isn't at least some physical attraction, there won't be another date. If a woman is reasonably physically attractive, polite etc. But there wasn't instant chemistry. Then I might go out 1-2 more dates. Provided that there wasn't any clear obvious dealbreakers. Many times there isn't instant chemistry on a first date / meeting because 2 people are virtual strangers. Or one person might be a little bit shy or nervous at first.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 20
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Will you date/marry someone that you don't feel the attraction?
Posted: 7/19/2015 10:39:49 AM

Hi everyone, I broke up with her after slowly dated for a few weeks. I told her how I felt and didn't believe it's right to continue the relationship. So it's over. Thanks again for the advice.

Well, that's your first step. But the main thing is the Concept. Being in love with a serious relationship / marriage in and of itself is NOT a good idea. One can say it is because it's their tradition/background, but that'd be a Really Bad excuse. Traditions have changed over time, where traditionalists, looking back far enough, will scorn many things. Something isn't good because it's tradition -- something should be tradition because it is good. Peer pressure from family is still nothing more than playground peer pressure, in and of itself -- even if it becomes ingrained in you to want to do it. Break free of that mold.

Don't even go out on a 1st date with anyone unless there's Solid Sexual Attraction.
 11qq
Joined: 7/17/2015
Msg: 21
Will you date/marry someone that you don't feel the attraction?
Posted: 8/10/2015 6:32:15 PM
I've dated hundreds of women I had no feeling for.

we went out to have fun. enjoy each others company.

then I moved on to the next one.

I did that for decades.
 lyn1214
Joined: 3/11/2015
Msg: 22
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Will you date/marry someone that you don't feel the attraction?
Posted: 8/13/2015 5:38:50 PM
very difficult and just experienced this. I met a man on another site and we called/text a week or so before meeting. he was cool,no spark really bUT sometimes irl things are diff. I was lukewarm to meet because he was a Lil younger and the physical attraction wasn't there on my end. he dropped a few character flaws about himself that absolutely killed it for me. I try not to put everything on physical but enough has to be there . I did meet him and it was a pleasant night but also it confirmed that I'd never want anything romantic with him. now I could've like some people kept it going while fishing and let him think I was feeling him but obviously for a few reasons that can't go on for too long.

I was lonely or like many wanted someone in my life so I figured I could overlook certain things.also it suck when the moment comes that you realize you have to get back on the love search train and all its uncertainty .it's not fair to keep someone around when things aren't mutual. I'd say keep fishing! nothing worthwhile comes easy especially in the online love game, if it does I'm pretty sure you're being cat fished and "she's " in Nigeria lol.
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