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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > hot and heavy first date...how do I proceed?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 lt-1
Joined: 9/10/2013
Msg: 26
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hot and heavy first date...how do I proceed?Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Sooo... update, we did manage to go out on another date. Went to dinner, and we walked around town for awhile. A lot of kissing again, just like the first date. We ended up on the same subject I've been discussing on here, and I told her how I felt. Thankfully it didn't scare her but it did bring things to light. Now, she had been previously divorced, and she hadn't been with a man since her husband almost 3 years ago. She said she used to always be shy, but finds her libido has gone up and she doesn't know why. She said she is still new to actually meeting people from online, and she's not totally sure of what she wants yet. She'd like to meet that special man, but she also wants to have fun. I told her how I felt, dating one person at a time is what I prefer, and I'm looking for the real deal. She seemed kind of conflicted when I told her that. I get the feeling she does really like me, especially after the second date, and that she doesn't want to hurt me. She asked me what it was about her that made me feel so strongly, etc. I told her I felt like we have a strong connection. We talked for awhile, and ended up in of course another makeout session outside my car.

Anyway, later that night, I was taking her own. Ended up in the typical goodnight kiss makeout session once again. It got heated, and intense, and she asked me if I wanted to follow her to her place. So I did, and this time we went all the way.

I know I am probably going to get a lot of flack as this is what most of you advised me not to do, but it seems to be going in an interesting direction. Should I keep it cool and just go with the flow?
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 27
hot and heavy first date...how do I proceed?
Posted: 6/17/2015 2:36:20 PM

I know I am probably going to get a lot of flack as this is what most of you advised me not to do, but it seems to be going in an interesting direction. Should I keep it cool and just go with the flow?


Okay, so you boing her. Good for you, and for her since it has been 3 years for her, right. YOu told her how you feel, she told you how she feels and still did the money dance. So what that tells me is... keep boinking, keep getting to know each other, keep being honest. Do this for about two months, with two dates, maybe a third a week and then revisit the exclusivity issue then. If instead you start tapering off to getting together once a week, or she also see a number of other guys, then it's time to cut off. If in the other hand, she tells you that she is not looking for anyone else, then you are on the road to exclusivity.

Now one caveat, there are women that while they think it's okay for them to keep their options open they want the guy to get off dating sites and all that. Do not. If she is online, you remain online.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 28
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hot and heavy first date...how do I proceed?
Posted: 6/17/2015 11:22:42 PM
She bonked you on the second date, hope you used protection. She probably just wants a bit of fun right now. Ask her out again and see how she responds. Bear in mind that she is more than likely seeing others at the same time. She is entitled to do that. If she is still online then you do the same. What she tells you about her private life, may or may not be the truth.

. Dont get too keen too soon....... and yes, go with the flow....Do not mention any kind of exclusivity at this stage.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 29
hot and heavy first date...how do I proceed?
Posted: 6/17/2015 11:48:13 PM
It-1...what happened has happened, and that is totally fine.
My analysis is you address this new dating situation just as InnerGorilla described.
Keep seeing each other, keep communication open, keep sleeping with each other, and be a great potential boyfriend.
Good luck with everything and hope it is a total success story.
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 30
hot and heavy first date...how do I proceed?
Posted: 6/18/2015 12:31:00 PM
..Do not mention any kind of exclusivity at this stage.
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If a woman doesn't want to date me exclusively after having sex, exclusivity would never be an option for her.

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Bear in mind that she is more than likely seeing others at the same time. She is entitled to do that. If she is still online then you do the same.
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That would certainly rule her out as relationship material.

--------------------------
What she tells you about her private life, may or may not be the truth.
------------------------
Most people aren't very good liars. All it takes to screw up is one inconstancy to make things not add up.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 31
hot and heavy first date...how do I proceed?
Posted: 6/18/2015 2:51:49 PM

If a woman doesn't want to date me exclusively after having sex, exclusivity would never be an option for her.


The woman I eventually married for 20 years, at first we were not exclusive. It took us 6 months to ween out the other people and it was at about 8 months that we had the exclusive talk. So things are relative.
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 32
hot and heavy first date...how do I proceed?
Posted: 6/18/2015 3:56:41 PM
That only means that if one is in doubt, ask sooner rather than find out later.
 lt-1
Joined: 9/10/2013
Msg: 33
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hot and heavy first date...how do I proceed?
Posted: 6/21/2015 6:33:09 PM
I am starting to find myself extremely frustrated with this woman. She has been extremely ambivalent and I'm having a lot of difficulty understanding. Communication with her is very mixed. I'll reach out to her, with something simple like "how is your day going" and she'll converse and be very friendly. She even reaches out to me sometimes. Whenever I seemingly try to bring up another date, she becomes scarce. She promised she would call me the other day, twice. The first time she was tired and promised me she'd call me the next day. Then the next day something else came up. Now, I haven't been pushy and have been relatively relaxed about the whole thing. But she is super inconsistent. She'll text me, I'll respond, and then she won't reply anyway. I talked to her today again, and super friendly as usual. I asked her what her schedule would be like this week, she said she'd be busy most mornings and afternoons, but should be free evenings. I asked her to let me know a good day for her. Her only response was "ok". I have never dated someone so frustrating in my life. So many games and mixed signals that I am ready to move on. Please tell me most women are not like this. If the genders were reversed, and a guy was doing what she is doing, he'd get plenty of flack for being a player. She certainly seems to fit that description to a T.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 34
hot and heavy first date...how do I proceed?
Posted: 6/21/2015 6:48:29 PM
It-1...my analysis on what you have been writing indicates you simply must be way more specific with her on things.
Tell her something like, "TennisGirl123, my friends told me the food at McHannigan's Pub is fantastic. How does your schedule look to meet me there this Wednesday at 7:30 pm? They have live music."
 lt-1
Joined: 9/10/2013
Msg: 35
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hot and heavy first date...how do I proceed?
Posted: 6/21/2015 6:53:04 PM
I did do that. She likes parks and hiking, and I mentioned taking her to check it out. She thought it was "awesome", but said we'd talk later about it. That's when she dodged me on the phone calls. I try to slip these things in conversation sometimes and she changes the subject. It's really irritating. If she isn't interested, why does she keep in contact with me, even reaching out to me at times?
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 36
hot and heavy first date...how do I proceed?
Posted: 6/21/2015 7:04:58 PM
Did you mention the exact park in which you wish to take her hiking, the main view you'll see, and total distance? By doing that you are leaving her with three reasonable response options to your ideas:

* Yes
* No
* No, yet coupled with a counteroffer plan

If you are hearing no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no in rapid succession...she is not interested.
On the other hand, if she likes time spent with you, she will assuredly share her own idea(s) with you. Good luck.
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 37
hot and heavy first date...how do I proceed?
Posted: 6/21/2015 9:23:03 PM


If a woman doesn't want to date me exclusively after having sex, exclusivity would never be an option for her.


Agreed.

Monogamy isn't wood.

If she wants to see me again, and can't be monogamous without making it a negotiation, then she's danglin' a relationship carrot (i.e. wants to see how far I'll go to morph into the perfect man, or court her).

Pass...
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 38
hot and heavy first date...how do I proceed?
Posted: 6/22/2015 12:29:17 AM
If she isn't interested, why does she keep in contact with me, even reaching out to me at times?
------------------
Who knows? Why haven't you just told exactly what you expect? If she doesn't want to meet your expectations, then tell her to go away and stop contacting you.
 lt-1
Joined: 9/10/2013
Msg: 39
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hot and heavy first date...how do I proceed?
Posted: 6/22/2015 8:06:30 AM
I don't know if I was that specific, but I did mention to here there's a state park, by the local beach that has camping and trails to hike on. I also mentioned a conservatory, etc. Her response is either to dodge the subject entirely as if I didn't even ask, or with the park her response was "That sounds awesome! We'll talk later about it, okay?" Of course, later never comes. It's not a simple yes or no. She never gives me a straight answer. I had to deal with this to a lesser degree on the second date. It just seems to be getting worse. I'm trying to figure out something we would even be able to do since she mentioned being available only evenings. I get the feeling if we do something it's only going to end up in her bedroom again anyway, as if I'm simply an option when she's horny maybe?
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 40
hot and heavy first date...how do I proceed?
Posted: 6/22/2015 11:40:02 AM
Well, be very specific. If she doesn't give you a straight answer, just tell her to call when she's horny, but otherwise, go away.
 LadyEssKay
Joined: 2/13/2015
Msg: 41
hot and heavy first date...how do I proceed?
Posted: 6/22/2015 12:51:55 PM

Her response is either to dodge the subject entirely as if I didn't even ask, or with the park her response was "That sounds awesome! We'll talk later about it, okay?"


That's because she is not interested in going anywhere with you.

What I would suggest is to leave her be. Stop contacting her. If I am wrong about the statement above, she will contact you. I can assure you that when a woman is interested in a man, and has his attention, she will continue to contact him and will want to see him.


I get the feeling if we do something it's only going to end up in her bedroom again anyway, as if I'm simply an option when she's horny maybe?


For you to end up in her bedroom, it would require her seeing you. She has told you many ways but directly, that she does not want to go out with you. She's not being very nice about it, but she is being quite clear.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 42
hot and heavy first date...how do I proceed?
Posted: 6/22/2015 1:21:10 PM

I get the feeling if we do something it's only going to end up in her bedroom again anyway, as if I'm simply an option when she's horny maybe?


Sounds like this is all you are. Soo. Start dating other women. Tell her that you are available this one day or this other day only, you're busy the other days. Start to say NO to her. Instead of trying to find out what she likes, she needs to find out what YOU like. Unless you turn it around, you're nothing but her sausagefest. And she is not hungry all the time.
 badzee28
Joined: 10/16/2013
Msg: 43
hot and heavy first date...how do I proceed?
Posted: 6/22/2015 1:34:08 PM
Yeah, but she pulled these "dodge the date question" games before the second date, too. It wasn't until I got annoyed and called her out on it that she finally agreed to it. Then she slept with me on the second date, which makes me confused even more.
 Aprilikeswhiteroses
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 44
hot and heavy first date...how do I proceed?
Posted: 6/22/2015 7:08:48 PM

I get the feeling if we do something it's only going to end up in her bedroom again anyway, as if I'm simply an option when she's horny maybe?


Yeah, I got that feeling too, my only advice for this scary problem is, Do not allow that she puts you in her bed as her sex toy, and if she insists, just tell her NO, because you are not that easy....:)!!

By the way, is she from my country Panama / Central America? or...... Fla
 badzee28
Joined: 10/16/2013
Msg: 45
hot and heavy first date...how do I proceed?
Posted: 6/22/2015 8:19:21 PM
She's from the country Panama
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 46
hot and heavy first date...how do I proceed?
Posted: 6/23/2015 12:02:21 AM
Badzee28...you had the same second date experience with It-1's woman as well? This is getting very tangled, indeed!
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 47
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hot and heavy first date...how do I proceed?
Posted: 6/23/2015 1:07:41 AM
You are a younger guy and she has no intentions of having anything serious with you. You are a booty call for her. So be prepared to be at her beck and call when it suits her and do not think of it in any other way. It is also way too early to even think of exclusivity even if it was on the cards.

College kids saying they want exclusivity after 3-4 dates is just another way of saying they dont want the partners bonking anyone else and then they dont feel they have to use protection, possibly. What actually happens may be a different story and at that age boys in particular should be dating around and do.
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 48
hot and heavy first date...how do I proceed?
Posted: 6/23/2015 6:25:35 PM

Badzee28...you had the same second date experience with It-1's woman as well? This is getting very tangled, indeed!


:laugh
 badzee28
Joined: 10/16/2013
Msg: 49
hot and heavy first date...how do I proceed?
Posted: 7/15/2015 6:13:51 PM
So, a bit of an update, and I could really use some more advice. We've been on five dates now, and they've been physical and she's also been introducing me into her personal life. She has kids, which I met, and the fifth date I more or less spent the day at her place. Here's where things get really bizarre. About two weeks ago, she tells me about this psycho guy she started talking to around the same time she talked to me. She said they planned to meet but she backed off, and that he was after sex. So anyway, for whatever reason, even though he's crazy, she had still been entertaining conversation with him. She said he was a player, and that she was just "messing" with him. She told me there was this sex study she told him about, (which she said wasn't real), then asked him if he wanted to participate, then promptly changed her mind when he expressed interest. The guy apparently got mad, and said "He's going to message all the Navy guys that are my age" and tell them she's a lying whore. Now,t that was about two weeks ago.

She asked me this week if I'd be interested in doing a sex study with her, using a spermicide and a certain kind of condom. Then out of the blue today, Mr Crazy guy messaged me out of the blue. I told her about him, and she got really defensive and it devolved into a conversation about being exclusive or not. Now, we've been sleeping together fairly regularly, and I told her I'm not comfortable seeing other people while we're so far down the rabbit hole. To me it's gross, and disrespectful to the other person. And dangerous. She has her tubes tied so we haven't been using condoms. I still am very confused, because before this I thought things seemed like they were getting more serious. Now she has me confused. She told me she still regularly goes on online dating and talks to guys. I just don't want to get in over my head because I feel like we're approaching the make it or break it phase.
hot and heavy first date...how do I proceed?
Posted: 7/15/2015 8:49:40 PM
Charming has it right.

And having been in that situation a few times I will tell you this… And what she ultimately wants to hear at this point is that you absolutely loved what happened, And what I do not want this to be just a physical thing, so let's get out of the fast lane normal course.

In other words, at this time she would value your leadership, not your hormones .
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