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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?      Home login  
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 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 51
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Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed? Page 3 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Take the hints that LH is throwing. It's rather like getting bitten by a mean dog. The dog will continually bite you, if you don't leave it alone. The barking and growling should tip you off. But yet, you still insist on stepping within it's range. You know it will. The dog does, too.


So, why continue doing it?
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 52
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Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 6/19/2015 8:36:46 PM

VK - that's not what it's about and you know it. Oliveoil and Benartflick have it right.

It's the constant droning on about how, as an "intelligent" woman she enjoys "intelligent" men but then confuses intelligence with education. Then, after she's run her course with these educated men, she comes here to fault them. Without even the excuse that the pond of eligible men in limited by her small town since, apparently, she's so highly sought after that she imports them from Seattle.


You get it! Guys run into this problem all the time and they're told they did something wrong. If they go up to a woman or a mixed group and they responses like "Right on...." or "Not much..." it's their fault for not engaging them properly or saying the wrong things. If a personal is as intelligent as they think they are, they can find a way to be engaging and make the other person want to talk. Even basic techniques can work wonderings in this situation. Simply saying "Okay, your turn" or "Tell me something" doesn't work if the person isn't having a good time.
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/27/2014
Msg: 53
Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 6/19/2015 9:17:48 PM

If a personal is as intelligent as they think they are, they can find a way to be engaging and make the other person want to talk.

What you said! Finding a way to converse with people from different walks of life is a valuable ability. I have an 1860 etiquette book which advises: "The art of conversation consists in the exercise of two fine qualities. You must originate, and you must emphasize; you must possess at the same time the habit of communicating and listening effectively... Steele says: 'I would establish but one great general rule in conversation, which is this - that people should not talk to please themselves, but those who hear them. This would make them consider whether what they speak to be worth hearing; whether there be either wit or sense in what they are about to say; and whether it be adapted to the time when, the place where, and the person to whom, it is spoken...' Many persons will, for the sake of appearing witty or smart, wound the feelings of another deeply; avoid this; it is not only ill-bred, but cruel... Do not be continually watching for faults, that you may display your own superior wisdom in correcting them. Let modesty and kind feeling govern your conversation, as other rules of life."
 Bachelorette.Number1
Joined: 4/18/2013
Msg: 54
Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 6/19/2015 9:44:05 PM
I don't know what they are, if not a door nail.

Funny, I found myself asking the same question early on.
It was either they said 3 word sentences or rambled on for an hour about themselves, neither of which could uphold a decent conversation - you know where two people give and take, like ask a question, give an answer, tell a story, let the other guy tell a story, laugh - It was ridiculous.

In the end, I figured they weren't for me . Stick with that, it's true.
 Literate_Hiker
Joined: 1/1/2015
Msg: 55
Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 6/19/2015 11:45:25 PM
I teach communication skills, conflict resolution, marketing, how to prevent illegal discrimination, and a wide range of supervisory skills from hiring to firing. Over 10,000 people attended my seminars in the first seven years of business.

I tried to introduce new subjects, but he had a one-track mind: talking about himself. "You never asked me a single question, or showed any interest in me," I remarked at the conclusion of lunch. "I read your profile," he replied. "That's all I needed to know." What a dolt. Profiles are just a starting point in getting to know someone.

My parents talked and laughed together every day. They were a great role model.
 sealady111
Joined: 5/31/2015
Msg: 56
Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 6/20/2015 1:10:07 AM
Another potential reason.

Men have 7,000 words to speak a day.
A woman has 20,000.

So in a normal day a man will use up all his words and only have grunts left whilst women still have over 10,000 words to utter before sleep.

I know some men who are like me and can talk underwater. We both probably have 50,000 words to use.
My uncle had about 100 words a day.
He would stand very tall and straight and smile at everyone he met.

A comment he made about one of my friends...."She talks too loud and too bloody often."
For him that was a long sentence.


(These numbers, like most statistics are completely fictional.)
 benartflick
Joined: 3/8/2012
Msg: 57
Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 6/20/2015 4:44:25 AM

the anger that LH's posts create ...it really riles the men here up


LH has never made me angry or annoyed me. You have! Is it animosity? Are you a man-hater?

Of course LH's desires are her business. NOBODY suggested otherwise. LH implied no-degree equals empty-headed and boring.

Maybe it was unintentionally or a misunderstanding. On occasion a discussion might elicit clarification.

I may be wrong but I doubt if LH enjoys insulting men like you do.
 coffeetogo127
Joined: 5/16/2015
Msg: 58
Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 6/20/2015 5:53:04 AM



As for my response to her post, I merely asked how religious zealots (not one, but two) managed to get as far as meeting her without her knowing where they stood religiously. To me, that's a big f*cking deal that would be addressed before I meet someone. Surely, this doesn't qualify as a "verbal beating".


Pig, I assumed they knocked on her door, the two of them together, and she opened it. Maybe you haven't had this experience.
 tgif333
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 59
Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 6/20/2015 6:18:23 AM
I try not to ask too many questions when i'm getting to know a woman else she may feel and it may turn into the repulsive date breaking "interview".

I think most of us prefer a conversational type of meet and greet but if the conversation is not flowing then the questions must come and when that happens it becomes less than a good first meet.

in regards to some people's preferences as mentioned in the above posts I don't have a problem with it as we all have our own comfort zones. my own zone is probably medium to wide range as I am adaptable to others needs. my deal breaker is you MUST like to go fast dancing. LH's is a formal education. if you don't like it then move a long lil dogey!
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 60
Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 6/20/2015 8:02:55 AM
I absolutely love men. Always have.

Defending LH's preferences to speak to intelligent/articulate men does not = 'I hate men."

I've never hated men. Not for one second. Have been involved in two long term relationships, one a marriage, still friendly with all my ex's from ALL my past relationships.

Indeed, profiles are only a starting point, and often a very false front. It's that first meet that makes it or breaks it.
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/27/2014
Msg: 61
Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 6/20/2015 9:10:13 AM

Indeed, profiles are only a starting point, and often a very false front. It's that first meet that makes it or breaks it.

For me it's pretty false. I have no idea what to write. I ended up talking about a radio station. I do very well in face-to-face conversation but not so well online. I talk to each person differently depending on what they seem to be about and interested in. It's hard to write a generic statement for everyone/put yourself in a box. It's so much easier to navigate various topics together in a live conversation.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 62
Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 6/20/2015 9:15:58 AM
It's possible he is self absorbed. It's also possible he was poor communication skills or he has at best lukewarm interest in you, Regardless of the actual reason is, when a woman keeps doing this, I would move on.
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 63
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Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 6/20/2015 9:21:19 AM

joe, LOL, He doesn't like "you people" remember? LOL


Aw yeah ! I thought maybe he busted a gasket and got a few SCREWS lose, if ya know what I mean ;)


Am I to take it "you people" refers to living- breathing warmblooded humans?
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 64
Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 6/20/2015 9:25:03 AM

VK - that's not what it's about and you know it. Oliveoil and Benartflick have it right.

It's the constant droning on about how, as an "intelligent" woman she enjoys "intelligent" men but then confuses intelligence with education. Then, after she's run her course with these educated men, she comes here to fault them. Without even the excuse that the pond of eligible men in limited by her small town since, apparently, she's so highly sought after that she imports them from Seattle.


Exactly. She often complains her boring dates or the type of men that contact her. I get that most first dates / meetings from online dating go nowhere. But if a person is constantly complaining about bad or boring dates, then perhaps (s)he should look in the mirror. Also when a man complains about women he's not interested ( such as BBWs / obese women for example ) contacting him, he often does get criticized from other men.
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/27/2014
Msg: 65
Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 6/20/2015 9:30:20 AM
Intelligent people let others discover their intelligence rather than point it out themselves.
 123nightmoves
Joined: 6/2/2015
Msg: 66
Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 6/20/2015 9:37:45 AM
South City is bang on.

Men chat less. Men don't ramble on. Men, for the most part don't have to spend an hour telling you how wonderful they are, how far they hike, how smart they are, how attractive they are, etc. Its all "filler" and they just tend to say what needs to be said and leave it.
 Strings6
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 67
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Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 6/20/2015 9:40:59 AM
In regard to profiles,what we have done is take the most impersonal form of communication there is and the easiest to lie in I might add,which is plain text on a screen,and make it the foundation of everything....don't know how intelligent that is
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 68
Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 6/20/2015 10:14:03 AM
^^^^And look at how many people fall madly in love with someone they never met in person, and all communication is by text. If that person friends you on Facebook, that's a sign of true love (lol).
 Seki1949
Joined: 9/4/2013
Msg: 69
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Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 6/20/2015 10:17:13 AM

I live in LA, the hub of narcissists and the self absorbed. In many cases, you will serve as an audience for people, not an equal. Either that or a stepping stone if they find you happen with actually work at a movie studio. THEN they're suddenly all over you. "OH YOU WORK FOR WARNER BROTHERS? OH YOU KNOW I HAVE THIS SCRIPT..."


VK, this is a common theme in your posts. Didn't you meet men outside of the industry or wanna-be's? No Normal Guys?

I live in Central CA but have visited the LA basin often for friends. Most people seem pretty normal to me. Sure the Beach Towns are a little artsy-fartsy for my taste and the downtown LA - Hollywood - Santa Monica triangle are full of the types you describe but most of the LA basin seems to be miles and miles of normal people just making a day to day living. Even the Pasadena area seemed to have a lot of normal people (I like the Huntington - a lot) and I had normal work-a-day friends that lived in area. (Well, almost normal, many serious chess players and their spouses, which is it own weirdness.)

VK, did your selection process drive you to non-compatible types? Are you initially drawn to people in the 'business'?Not trying to be gnarly, just curious.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 70
Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 6/20/2015 10:17:59 AM
I enjoy her posts and understand exactly where she is coming from. I dont think she is trying to find boring men. You find that out on the date. I totally get what she's saying about people whom, for you, just don't really bring anything to the table.

Of course, if it would make the men here feel better, she could just never mention the dullards at all, and then everyone would be happy. You know, we could all just pretend that everyone was great. Could you imagine if the men here did that..? What would we so without the endless parade of misogynistic trollers and repeat sock puppets coming here to fight with women over what a big group of useless f*kcing c*nts they all are.
 Seki1949
Joined: 9/4/2013
Msg: 71
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Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 6/20/2015 10:40:38 AM

I teach communication skills, conflict resolution, marketing, how to prevent illegal discrimination, and a wide range of supervisory skills from hiring to firing.


It's been interesting watch LH's personality reveal it's self over time here. I can see why her relationships would have a short shelf life both directions. Life is not the Bataan Death March. Lighten up, have a beer or two.

I have a mastersdegreefromUCteachcollegelevelclassesprofessionalmanagersformanyyearsnpwintechsupporthikingskingsnowshoeing14000footpeaksincludingMtShastalongbackpacktripshikedtheentireJohnMuirTrailplussomeeditedachessmagazinefor severalyearsplayedchessattheMoscowCentralChessClubbeentoEuropefourtimesetcetcetc.

But I don't wear it all on my chest while dating. I'm looking for someone to live with, not compete with.

Of course, I'm still here so I have my own faults.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 72
Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 6/20/2015 10:45:24 AM

Of course, if it would make the men here feel better, she could just never mention the dullards at all, and then everyone would be happy. You know, we could all just pretend that everyone was great. Could you imagine if the men here did that..? What would we so without the endless parade of misogynistic trollers and repeat sock puppets coming here to fight with women over what a big group of useless f*kcing c*nts they all are.


I don't think many people would care if she had mention this once or twice. But constantly complaining about bad dates gets old. As mentioned before, when a person has many bad or boring dates, then maybe that person is a part of the problem. At the very least, that person can reassess his/her dating criteria or method.
 ThePig0fYourDreams
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 73
Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 6/20/2015 11:05:50 AM

As mentioned before, when a person has many bad or boring dates, then maybe that person is a part of the problem. At the very least, that person can reassess his/her dating criteria or method.


I agree with this. A bad date here and there can happen, certainly, but when they become ALL you experience, it's time to
start evaluating yourself. Even the "intelligent" are susceptible to making bad decisions.

I can't even think of a time in my life where I've had more than two consecutive "bad" dates.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 74
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Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 6/20/2015 11:06:46 AM

Of course, if it would make the men here feel better, she could just never mention the dullards at all, and then everyone would be happy. You know, we could all just pretend that everyone was great. Could you imagine if the men here did that..? What would we so without the endless parade of misogynistic trollers and repeat sock puppets coming here to fight with women over what a big group of useless f*kcing c*nts they all are.


We don't know if they we actually dull, we're just taking her word for it. I don't take what the men say at face value either. If you have positive emotions and you enjoy the process instead of being focused on the outcome, people will enjoy your company and it's possible to have a good time with almost anyone.

Literate Hiker said:


I tried to introduce new subjects, but he had a one-track mind: talking about himself. "You never asked me a single question, or showed any interest in me," I remarked at the conclusion of lunch. "I read your profile," he replied. "That's all I needed to know." What a dolt. Profiles are just a starting point in getting to know someone.


I'm surprised that a person that teaches communication skills would say something like this the first time they meet someone. That sounds like a person that relies on other people for positive emotions instead of being self amused. Someone that's outcome dependent instead of process oriented would say that. You should do things for what you give, not for what you get. So what if he didn't ask any questions. Not everyone communicates through a series of questions.
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/27/2014
Msg: 75
Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 6/20/2015 11:56:15 AM

That sounds like a person that relies on other people for positive emotions instead of being self amused.

Just sounds like a nasty person. Let her keep coming back here with more sad stories.
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