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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?      Home login  
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 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 76
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Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed? Page 4 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

I agree with this. A bad date here and there can happen, certainly, but when they become ALL you experience, it's time to
start evaluating yourself. Even the "intelligent" are susceptible to making bad decisions.

I can't even think of a time in my life where I've had more than two consecutive "bad" dates.


+11211111233445565 lol I concur!

I think it actually comes down to ATTRACTION from the beginning. As you know I believe in meeting gals that I already formed an attraction before the meeting( yes nothing is real until it).

But many gals are meeting guys mostly because of the message content (because they demand Shakespeare) and because they found them possibly " interesting", " funny" without having the attraction .

Therefore, there is NOTHING to help escalate the attraction during the meeting and some of these women can only blame the mismatch on the guy being "boring", unfunny", "smelly", etc.

It kind of reminds me of the study that they did about women liking funny men. Yes we know its true...they say it all the time, BUT studies show that women are likely to describe men that they are attracted to as "funny " and having a good sense of humor.

Further investigation found out that since women are likely to smile a lot , giggle and laugh at almost everything a man they were falling for said ...that they were likely to describe the guy as "funny" and having a good sense of humor" upon remembering. It doesn't mean they ACTUALLY were!


Of course, it is hard to believe one could have a conversation with a man over the phone and NOT gauge if he is intelligent or not from such conversation, or at least if he is articulate.

I think what happens is the DATE ends up not living up to the perceived "whatever"(different for each meeting) , and since there was no or little attraction , and everything goes downhill!

Remember, a guy approaches a gal who doesn't like him and he often is seen as a creep, but if she likes him he is often charming.
Guy that she likes is often Confident, one that she doesn't is often arrogant.

Not rocket science here!

PS--I like LH stories, I truly do..but I can understand why both women and men are getting pissed at the vernacular used. Perhaps it is best to avoid subjective judgmental adjective labels?(SJAL)I love acronyms :P

Perhaps it should be left at "I found the date not a match", or "I was bored during my date" and NOT place the blame. For those few who are making it a gender issue--PLEASE stop( talk to the hand)...if guys were that descriptive of women, using such labels, they would be MASS attacked on here. They usually are!


Just sounds like a nasty person. Let her keep coming back here with more sad stories.


Your mean! and I say the following in harmless jest ...I think a date between LH and Putin would be a good match. Expand both their horizons and they both are educated and in human resources .

She could start talking about the evils of the patriarchy and Putin will respond by taking off his shirt! A love match I see!
 123nightmoves
Joined: 6/2/2015
Msg: 77
Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 6/20/2015 2:43:26 PM
^^^that is actually funny, Putin as a potential date. Both self obsorbed narcissists. A clash of the Titans to see who would bore the other to death first.
 ThePig0fYourDreams
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 78
Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 6/20/2015 3:45:41 PM


Further investigation found out that since women are likely to smile a lot , giggle and laugh at almost everything a man they were falling for said ...that they were likely to describe the guy as "funny" and having a good sense of humor" upon remembering. It doesn't mean they ACTUALLY were!


Exactly. You could take the lamest joke ever, but have it come from two different men, and there will be two different reactions. A guy the woman is attracted to will have her cackling like a hyena after he's told it, and she may very likely say "you're so funny!!", while the non-attractive guy may get a lukewarm response at best.

Back to the bad dates, though. I just can't imagine for the life of me having a string of dates with perhaps 10 or more people who seemed appealing "on paper", but ended up being complete duds. As I said, if this happens, it's time for some self-analysis.
 HalftimeDad
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 79
Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 6/20/2015 4:37:59 PM
What the heck is going on here?

Literate Hiker posted personal experiences, on topic, and now she's a "self obsessed narcissist"?

Nothing in those posts would lead anyone to those conclusions. I'm sensing a little defensiveness on the part of some here.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 80
Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 6/20/2015 5:09:53 PM

Literate Hiker posted personal experiences, on topic, and now she's a "self obsessed narcissist"?


It's not just about what she wrote in this thread. She has made the same complaints numerous times on other threads. Complaints about boring dates, getting emails men that don't have a college education or are overweight / out of shape. Men get harshly criticized for these things. So should women.
 Strawberry_Jello
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 81
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Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 6/20/2015 8:29:18 PM
It's getting old, sorry. "I like men who blah blah. Yeah, so do I. Like the "I almost dated a firefighter, but he was too busy fighting fires" So what? I almost dated a doctor once, you don't see me going on about it.
 tangofish
Joined: 6/16/2015
Msg: 82
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Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 6/20/2015 9:25:37 PM
As far as showing interest goes, that depends on personality and failing that - at least having the maturity to feign interest. If a person likes to stroke their ego, that person will ultimately come off as annoying and overbearing. If a person chats their head off, the same result is had

The trick is to find a synchronicity, both in a relationship, as well as a way to project yourself as a likable company in General
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 83
Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 6/21/2015 11:47:33 PM
So funny the anger that LH's posts create. I think out of all the women here, she repeatedly maintains her standards and repeats them clearly and concisely, and it really riles the men here up.
----------------------------
Anger? Standards? I'm just wondering how someone with high standards can consistently pick losers to meet. Whatever her standards are, her method of finding them is the problem, not the standards. If anything is annoying, it's someone who insists on getting different results using the same ideas that have repeatedly not worked. Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results is just dumb.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 84
Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 6/22/2015 2:03:47 AM
Dating profiles are frequently misleading...EVERYONE strives to look good on paper (well, most people do) but when you meet in person, BLAM! There ya go. When I was datin' online, I ended up on a date with a guy who was actually MARRIED (woohoo! He listed himself as SINGLE!) a guy who was strung out needing a heroin fix (shouting it out the restaurant we were in on top of it..HEY! He didn't mention a heroin addiction in his profile!) A few alcoholics and men who were actually ten years older than their stated age (this was also not mentioned) and a variety of other flubs and gaffs which were corn-veniently never mentioned. It was only until I was sitting across from 'em on that first date when it all came to light.

It's that first date. That's when the cracks (and crackheads) in the dam start to show.

As far as repeating yourself over and over expecting different results, as far as online dating is concerned with that I agree, online dating is a garbage heap and I did stop because I DID keep getting the same "unexpected results" and entirely too many guys with herpes, addiction issues, no jobs or in their 50's and or/living with their parents. Which hey, you don't always have to mention in your profile bug geesh..so MANY of them from online, like a liquid concentrate or something.

And..as for idiot women stories..bring them on. I don't care if you had a bad date with a guy OR a woman, all the stories are interesting and some, hilarious.

PS If you're upset about LH's "tone" come on over to "Over 45" for some real shits and giggles..we've got some guys over there making fun of abortion and violence against women. Hilarious hijinx! Insults! Rage! Struggles to one up each other!

Come one, come all..something for EVERYONE here, no one is left out and everyone is mercilessly mocked and disrespected. :)
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 85
Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 6/22/2015 3:14:57 AM
Dating profiles are frequently misleading...EVERYONE strives to look good on paper
---------------------
Really? Whoda thunk? I hope this wasn't something that required much time to figure out.

------------------
(well, most people do) but when you meet in person, BLAM! There ya go.
-----------------
Which suggests something obvious, like having a few conversations, maybe sending some messages, etc., between reading a profile and agreeing to meet someone. Yeah, I know, texting is icky, only bozos talk on the phone, everyone is too busy to get back to anyone, whatever. The people I see doing all of the complaining about having bad date after bad date complaining seem to have quirks that make that outcome inevitable.

-----------------------------
As far as repeating yourself over and over expecting different results, as far as online dating is concerned with that I agree, online dating is a garbage heap and I did stop because I DID keep getting the same "unexpected results"
-----------------------------

You picked 'em.

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And..as for idiot women stories..bring them on.
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I really don't have any idiot woman stories. Apparently, I must be more selective in practice than a lot of people are in principle.

----------------------------

PS If you're upset about LH's "tone" come on over to "Over 45" for some real shits and giggles..
----------------------------
I couldn't care less about her tone or anyone else's. I just have to wonder how anyone could possibly continue to brag about being so selective without doing some sort of reality check on the selection process, when every person selected is such a loser. If you always pick losers to meet, it's who you pick to meet that's the problem.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 86
Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 6/22/2015 8:20:42 AM
Hahahahahahaha hilarious! Boy, you really told me.

*rolls eyes*

Next!
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 87
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Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 6/22/2015 9:27:48 AM

Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results is just dumb.


Actually you just described the definition of Insanity!

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."- Albert Einstein.

In conclusion a person like that wouldn't be a match for a real intelligent person like Mr Einstein. Is that what you are implying? That they need to set their sights lower? SPIT IT OUT MAN! :p
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 88
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Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 6/22/2015 11:41:33 AM

Dating profiles are frequently misleading...EVERYONE strives to look good on paper (well, most people do) but when you meet in person, BLAM! There ya go. When I was datin' online, I ended up on a date with a guy who was actually MARRIED (woohoo! He listed himself as SINGLE!) a guy who was strung out needing a heroin fix (shouting it out the restaurant we were in on top of it..HEY! He didn't mention a heroin addiction in his profile!) A few alcoholics and men who were actually ten years older than their stated age (this was also not mentioned) and a variety of other flubs and gaffs which were corn-veniently never mentioned. It was only until I was sitting across from 'em on that first date when it all came to light.


That's normal, I've met people that did cocaine in front of me, told me they regularly steal from church, or their friends insult me for not going home with them instead.


PS If you're upset about LH's "tone" come on over to "Over 45" for some real shits and giggles..we've got some guys over there making fun of abortion and violence against women. Hilarious hijinx! Insults! Rage! Struggles to one up each other!


I'm not upset by her tone, I think it's strange that an expert in communication has to ask strangers on an internet forum how to communicate different types of people.
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 89
Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 6/22/2015 10:37:12 PM
In conclusion a person like that wouldn't be a match for a real intelligent person like Mr Einstein. Is that what you are implying?
------------------
No, I'm not making a judgment on that. However, if you read his biography by Walter Isaacson, you'll find out he was quite a ladies' man in his youth, so probably not. He was prone to have affairs.

-----------------
That they need to set their sights lower? SPIT IT OUT MAN! :p
-----------------
Not that either, although from various comments I've seen, at least a few people seem to have a lot of difficulty separating the qualities they are seeking from the criteria they use to identify those qualities or else they are too lazy to do anything but use criteria that looks good on paper in addition to expecting a guarantee. The most obvious example is the association of intelligence with a degree. (Since I've got a couple, I have no axe to grind with degrees.). If one is looking for intelligence and one's criteria is a degree and in addition, one doesn't like to talk on the phone, text, send email or otherwise communicate before meeting someone, the odds of meeting what one is seeking is no better than random chance. It may be worse, given that anyone can say they have a degree. An intelligent person would do a reality check and figure out some better way to screen for intelligence. Alternatively, what the person is really seeking is someone with a degree to fulfill some personal ego thing and the intelligence thing is just the most expedient, politically correct way to try to justify it.

(I don't buy the excuse that messages don't convey the same things one gets in person - only that people who think otherwise are unable to do so. I personally think it's pretty easy.) Smart people don't go on bad date after bad date and assume it's because everyone else is the problem instead of they way they go about selecting people who are supposed to have those qualities.
 Quirt_Manly
Joined: 3/19/2015
Msg: 90
Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 7/15/2015 11:39:19 PM

Sometimes I wish that was a problem I had.
I've learned to STFU when necessary, but given the opportunity, I'll talk A LOT.
About everything or about nothing.


Amen sister! Yes if the person draws me out and is genuinely interested in me I might ramble on mindlessly then catch myself, feel self-conscious and embarrassed and say " Listen to me rambling on, I will shut up now." It's a nervous thing, compulsive talking. I would prefer to notice my surroundings and make light conversation about that than the barrage of questions, but found some women took offense to this, that I am ignoring them - can you say narcissist? Red flag. Next!

If you are not genuinely interested in another don't pretend to be. The 'nice' guy/gal is the most passive aggressive spineless creature alive.
 Cycling99
Joined: 12/14/2014
Msg: 91
Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 7/16/2015 1:45:19 AM

Apart for kindness someone who's a good communicator is what I'm looking for. I ask questions because I'm interested in getting to know the guy I'm dating, but I've found they just answer my questions and wait for me to think of the next set.
After noticing this seems to be the norm, I'm starting to think I'm being too picky and its holding me back from meeting a nice man. I guess it turns me off because I don't like being the one who leads. I think they're not really that interested and I think they're more self absorbed and wouldn't be a supporting partner. Please tell if I'm wrong. I'd actually like to hear I am.
I heard women tend to be the one asking questions because it goes back to biology where they're trying to find the best match, and men talk about themselves because they're trying to impress?
*
They are not necessarily self-absorbed: they just don't care enough to try and have a conversation with you. Like many have said before, they want maybe one or two things from you. Conversation isn't one of them.

Now, I am not saying you may not be too picky...

*edited for few things
 NikonGuy007
Joined: 4/1/2012
Msg: 92
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Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 7/16/2015 1:22:36 PM
Welcome
to
my
world.

I find that,
more often than not,

male or female. People's ONLY interest is in hearing themselves talk and relaying the trivial verbal diarrhea
and
drama

of their lives.

Almost no one nowadays (with the possible exception of immediate relatives), gives a flying f&^$
about
you
or
your problems.

It's ALL about THEM, ALL THE TIME.

I can think of a couple people that, every time we speak, they repeat the same bull$hyt over and over and over again..................
Yeah, I have a house in Texas. I'm buying a new Mercedes, blah, blah, blah.................................

Heard it ALL before
and
don't care.

"Yeah, you're dying? Oh, that's too bad. Anyway, back to me......................................."
 WillyT990
Joined: 7/11/2015
Msg: 93
Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 7/16/2015 9:07:39 PM
Hopefully this hasn't been over-said/stated, but if a man isn't trying to find out about you, he's not interested. If he has an answer for all your questions but asks few, if any, of his own, he's not interested in you.

If he's into you, he's gonna try and find out everything he can and/or everything you'll tell him about yourself. He's going to try to make you do most of the talking, about yourself, and he'll do that by asking questions as the conversation progresses.

From a man's perspective, it's great fun when that works right. It's like watching a flower open up and bloom. If she's into me, she'll get really animated during that conversation.
 HalftimeDad
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 94
Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 7/16/2015 9:15:19 PM
A lot of this thread actually reflects an old adage in sales: the main trick in sales isn't talking, but listening. Sometimes guys feel they have to impress a woman and talk themselves up. They should remember what was said about Casanova. When asked about how he was so successful with women he responded by saying, "I listen to them."
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 95
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Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 7/16/2015 9:35:22 PM

A lot of this thread actually reflects an old adage in sales: the main trick in sales isn't talking, but listening. Sometimes guys feel they have to impress a woman and talk themselves up. They should remember what was said about Casanova. When asked about how he was so successful with women he responded by saying, "I listen to them."


That's true. Basically, when you speak, other people think two things. They think: "How does this apply to me?" and "When is it my turn to talk?"
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 96
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Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 7/16/2015 9:54:03 PM

halftimedad
A lot of this thread actually reflects an old adage in sales: the main trick in sales isn't talking, but listening. Sometimes guys feel they have to impress a woman and talk themselves up. They should remember what was said about Casanova. When asked about how he was so successful with women he responded by saying, "I listen to them."

Puts me in mind of an episode of Two And A Half Men. Charlie was confused by a woman, had no idea what to say, fumbled around for something, anything to say. Finally said, “I understand”. This worked so well, he used it again. And again. Whatever woman he was with, whatever she said, he would reply, “I understand.”

It was an hilarious episode. One of the best ones.
 FDB777
Joined: 7/11/2018
Msg: 97
Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 7/18/2018 10:14:12 PM
I have this problem often. Talking and learning about people is something that I really enjoy doing so when I come across a person who just sits there waiting for me to carry the conversation, I get really annoyed. That's something that I've also noticed on this website. All but 1 of the men that I've met from this had no idea how to carry a 2-way conversation. They just sat back and said "I'm enjoying hearing you talk". Needless to say there were no second meets with any of them...well, except for that one. Also, these were all men who initiated contact with me. If it were the other way around, I'd expect them to behave this way.
 TomásIasan
Joined: 5/17/2018
Msg: 98
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Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 7/18/2018 11:16:16 PM
Interesting so in other words you don't like dead air feel like something always has to be said? I used to test ladies with that action ask them a question about them they would carry on and on then when they finally decided to let say something by asking me what I think? I sat there thinking to myself you really don't want to know. So continuously thinking since your not really asking me anything about me I take you want to talk more about yourself here you go, feed me feed me feed me. Date ends she tells how great it was I asked questions about her and she felt a real spark. Loved the world the lived cause I wasn't in it!
 lulz567
Joined: 7/6/2018
Msg: 99
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Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 7/20/2018 6:43:48 PM
You can’t tell by this if someone is self absorbed or not. It’s only if in time ,they are never asking about you, you can get a sense of self absorption. Some impressing ,which is a very good start, shows they like you and feel a sense of duty to promote themselves as a good catch, others may do this simply because they are nervous so sticking to subjects they are comfortable with, themselves, so unless it’s a situation that always happens for a good amount of dating time with them,then don’t worry too much, but if it goes on for much longer ,then they are very bad relationship potential, as in you will have strong competition to find a space or interest in the world of me, myself and I because it’s bordering on psychosis material.
Edit One give away to that level, is they will probably accuse you of being self absorbed or disinterested, once you stop asking about them and asking questions. That means they are absorbed beyond help.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 100
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Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 7/22/2018 4:40:25 PM
I always get frustrated with this topic too. I've had good conversations with a few guys but then we'll meet and the conversations will turn so one-sided. I'll get one-word answers or never get asked questions myself. I end up doing the asking and I feel I'm carrying on the conversation. So I'll stop conversing and every other day or so the guy will text me and ask me how I'm doing. or something. My general instinct is that he's just not that into me but then why doesn't he end the conversing?
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