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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?      Home login  
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 TomásIasan
Joined: 5/17/2018
Msg: 98
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Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed? Page 5 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Interesting so in other words you don't like dead air feel like something always has to be said? I used to test ladies with that action ask them a question about them they would carry on and on then when they finally decided to let say something by asking me what I think? I sat there thinking to myself you really don't want to know. So continuously thinking since your not really asking me anything about me I take you want to talk more about yourself here you go, feed me feed me feed me. Date ends she tells how great it was I asked questions about her and she felt a real spark. Loved the world the lived cause I wasn't in it!
 lulz567
Joined: 7/6/2018
Msg: 99
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Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 7/20/2018 6:43:48 PM
You can’t tell by this if someone is self absorbed or not. It’s only if in time ,they are never asking about you, you can get a sense of self absorption. Some impressing ,which is a very good start, shows they like you and feel a sense of duty to promote themselves as a good catch, others may do this simply because they are nervous so sticking to subjects they are comfortable with, themselves, so unless it’s a situation that always happens for a good amount of dating time with them,then don’t worry too much, but if it goes on for much longer ,then they are very bad relationship potential, as in you will have strong competition to find a space or interest in the world of me, myself and I because it’s bordering on psychosis material.
Edit One give away to that level, is they will probably accuse you of being self absorbed or disinterested, once you stop asking about them and asking questions. That means they are absorbed beyond help.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 100
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Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 7/22/2018 4:40:25 PM
I always get frustrated with this topic too. I've had good conversations with a few guys but then we'll meet and the conversations will turn so one-sided. I'll get one-word answers or never get asked questions myself. I end up doing the asking and I feel I'm carrying on the conversation. So I'll stop conversing and every other day or so the guy will text me and ask me how I'm doing. or something. My general instinct is that he's just not that into me but then why doesn't he end the conversing?
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 101
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Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 7/23/2018 11:48:01 AM
Some men are short on words in person, either they're shy, socially awkward, possibly on the spectrum, but do better in print. If they haven't dated in years or have been with the same person a long time, they may not feel comfortable with someone new. It's painful to be with someone like that. If they're on the spectrum, they may not care what your feelings are.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 102
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Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 7/23/2018 12:01:07 PM

I always get frustrated with this topic too. I've had good conversations with a few guys but then we'll meet and the conversations will turn so one-sided. I'll get one-word answers or never get asked questions myself.

I don't think guys who don't ask [enough] questions are necessarily self-absorbed. A lot of guys don't like the "interview" process or can be put off by it and don't know how to handle the 'tone' if the gal's questioning them.

I would say self-absorbed would be a guy (or gal) just talking about themselves. But they can still be self-absorbed questioning the person a ton, too. Can go both ways. Wanting to hear About the other person -- not just a 'passing a test' -- is an indicator that they're not self-absorbed.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 103
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Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 7/24/2018 7:50:59 AM
Not necessarily self absorbed. They might have poor communication skills or have at best lukewarm interest. I had conversations with women that were one sided. When I asked them out, they either didn't respond or kept making excuses about why they weren't available without any type of counter suggestion.
 from site to sight
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 104
Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 7/24/2018 8:46:51 AM
It's pretty simple. If a man (or woman) doesn't ask questions and doesn't want to know anything about you, they are not interested. Period. End of story. There's no need to go into psychological theories about why a person won't carry on a conversation.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 105
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Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 7/24/2018 8:48:38 AM
I have had a couple really good female friends who were like this during phone conversations. So difficult to have a conversation with someone who answers everything with yes or no and offers no conversation topics of their own. These friends were good friends but conversationally they were never big talkers, great to hang out with but I guess they were more of followers and were content to just be there and part of things. I think men and women are both like this. I've known couples in which both the man and women seem to be followers and I they seem to have very non-verbal relationships with the other one. Some elderly couples too work really well this way. They've been together 60 years but never really seem to talk other than a word here and there yet they follow each others non-verbal cues well.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 106
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Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 7/24/2018 2:44:35 PM
I recently had a situation where I was distracted for a few seconds, and the gal got upset because I wasn't paying attention.

Was this in front of a TV? No. At a sports event? No. A crowded bar? No. In a dinner booth at a Denny's? No - but you're getting warmer.

Walking a gal to her car after dinner, the place we had just ate at was across the street from the international headquarters of a major corporation. It was dark - maybe 10 pm. A corporate jet of some sort buzzed the company HQ so low that you could see the underside of the plane in the glow of the local street lights. For about 20 seconds we couldn't hear a damn thing from the noise as it flew away -- and she was upset that my concentration was broken.

Is the question REALLY about how self-absorbed one person is - or about how needy the other party may be?

Maybe they were raised next to an airport and were used to the racket - who knows? But being empathetic to the other person's situation is essential to getting along - regardless of how poor their listening skills may be. I often wonder how deaf people who read lips deal with boring conversations - or how much they can get away with.
 sun___flower
Joined: 5/8/2015
Msg: 107
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Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 7/24/2018 3:07:28 PM
Dan
and she was upset that my concentration was broken.

Oh my gol, she was upset that you were impacted by a low-flying plane? What did she say to you?
 ponyelvis82
Joined: 6/15/2017
Msg: 108
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Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 7/24/2018 7:29:13 PM

Not necessarily self absorbed. They might have poor communication skills or have at best lukewarm interest.


Or we want to actually have a conversation, not play 20 questions. What's with the obsession with having to know every detail about each other the first time you ever go out?
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 109
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Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 7/24/2018 8:10:46 PM

Or we want to actually have a conversation, not play 20 questions. What's with the obsession with having to know every detail about each other the first time you ever go out?

The point is my conversations with some women were one sided with them just giving brief answers / statements. It doesn't have to turn into each person asking 20 questions. But a person should be articulate or put enough effort to carry a conversation.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 110
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Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 7/25/2018 3:17:19 AM
You should treat the dates as dates and not boring, test interviews. People need to know they feel included in a conversation and if somebody is not conversing with you with any interest (as opposed to asking you a barrage of questions just to test you), find somebody else.
 sun_water
Joined: 5/26/2018
Msg: 111
Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 7/25/2018 6:46:35 AM

Or we want to actually have a conversation, not play 20 questions. What's with the obsession with having to know every detail about each other the first time you ever go out?

I don't want an entire date turning into an interview either. But it's common to ask someone a few questions during a date when you don't know them that well or you are trying to assess compatibility.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 112
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Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 7/25/2018 7:17:39 AM

I don't want an entire date turning into an interview either. But it's common to ask someone a few questions during a date when you don't know them that well or you are trying to assess compatibility.

Asking a few questions about your job, interests etc can simply be an icebreaker to start or continue a solid conversation. That hardly means the date will turn into a interview.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 113
Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 7/25/2018 7:46:27 AM
the real sign of self absorption is when he doesn't ask questions b/c they take up the time needed to talk about himself.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 114
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Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 7/25/2018 7:48:59 AM

It's pretty simple. If a man (or woman) doesn't ask questions and doesn't want to know anything about you, they are not interested.

I think it's just when a person doesn't talk much at all -- and not out of shyness with a smile + saying they're nervous -- that they're not interested. It shouldn't rely solely on the questioning-routine measurement. Many people don't go the questioning route -- notably when the one person talks about themselves a lot ready answering any potential questions + asks a lot of questions about other. A date's not an interview -- to many, it should be the same as mingling at the bar, and just having good company.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 115
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Are men who don't ask questions self absorbed?
Posted: 7/30/2018 10:49:01 AM
I've observed this more with female acquaintances. All they'll do is talk about themselves (usually guy drama) with the occasional "how are you doing?" or "how have you been?" which is basically to fill a quota. When you give them advice about this guy drama they're in, they don't take it because all they want to do is hear themselves talk. It's also happened with a few guys I went out on dates with (only talking about themselves or topics that only interested him). Suffice to say, that was our last date.
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