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 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 126
honesty regarding sexual capabilityPage 6 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
northemstar2015- A lot of people THINK they are good lovers, when they are not.
I don't have an extensive list of past lovers, but what I WILL say is that every time a man has gone out of his way to SAY he is good in bed, he wasn't.
One, in particular, went on about his prowess at oral sex and he was awful.
I asked for second round with him once, hoping for better, he got huffy and said, "whatever, you're satisfied", alrighty then.
I believe truly good lovers don't feel the need to TELL you, they show you.
There is no tactful way to ask someone if they are good in bed, bad lovers are not going to say "I suck in bed".
You have to find out the hard way, I'm afraid. (pun fully intended). :D
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 127
honesty regarding sexual capability
Posted: 6/26/2015 10:23:18 PM
If you lay in bed and need directions, you are not a good lover.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 128
honesty regarding sexual capability
Posted: 6/26/2015 10:23:19 PM

norwegianguy456:
If you're going to get genuinely upset about it -- read up. People in their 30s can have ED and it's not a huge rarity.

Dude You don't get to change the Scenario and Run Away from what You Posted, before....

You said if She was HOT enough, You wouldn't need any Help.......

But if She wasn't Hot Enough, then You'd need the Pills or Send in the Fluffer.......

That's not Physical ED Problems....... That's all in Your head, Mental ED Problems.......

The Real Answer to that problem, is don't try & Screw Chicks You think are Fugly, but doable with some help.......
 mislocatedgeek
Joined: 6/9/2015
Msg: 129
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honesty regarding sexual capability
Posted: 6/27/2015 5:13:14 AM
(interesting thread... oh, well, in for a penny, in for a pound...)

Cialis (US), figure 6hrs for mx (yet then it's constant, you're taking a pill every day), and 30min for as-required (until it's flushed).

To answer the question: "How does a woman tactfully ask the question of sexual activity ability of her prospective partner?". As soon as it appears that a physical component to the relationship is impending: "I enjoy physicality as much as I enjoy emotional, as healthy components of my life. If there's anything that would inhibit either of those in my relationship with you, I would greatly prefer to speak of them now.".
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 130
honesty regarding sexual capability
Posted: 6/27/2015 7:38:26 AM
I had read the most about Viagra, Cialis, Yohimbe, Horny goat weed etc when I was on a forum for sex tourists. I got on the forum because I had no experience, didn't really want to get too personally involved but was curious about this.

These are men that want to bang as many women in a short period of time as possible. It had nothing to do with finding someone really desirable, , and it was all ages. A really large number of men that are under 40 take the pills so they can keep performing as long as humanly possible.

And I think younger people see better living through chemical enhancements as a good thing and the older generation tend to look at it as a weakness or being in poor health.

So I get it that young men buy a lot of stuff like Viagra.
 newoldgirl
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 131
honesty regarding sexual capability
Posted: 6/27/2015 3:24:38 PM

And I think younger people see better living through chemical enhancements as a good thing and the older generation tend to look at it as a weakness or being in poor health.


Maybe you are right that it is an age thing. I am quite old, and I prefer to try to stay in the best possible health through eating well ( which I love) exercise (which I loathe), getting good sleep, and managing stress.

I absolutely will take meds if necessary, but taking strong prescription medication when you don't need it just seems crazy to me.
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 132
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honesty regarding sexual capability
Posted: 6/27/2015 3:41:51 PM

If you're going to get genuinely upset about it -- read up. People in their 30s can have ED and it's not a huge rarity.


Yep...If I have stress or am tired, I can have mental ED ( not really ED). Pills work wonders!


Maybe you are right that it is an age thing. I am quite old, and I prefer to try to stay in the best possible health through eating well ( which I love) exercise (which I loathe), getting good sleep, and managing stress.


You can be COMPLETELY healthy and your THING isn't ready when you THINK you are. Drugs are good in that case, or for marathons!
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 133
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honesty regarding sexual capability
Posted: 6/27/2015 8:12:11 PM

Dude You don't get to change the Scenario and Run Away from what You Posted, before....

When a poster was getting super-therious about it, I pointed out another angle -- not running from it. I wasn't running from anything...

You said if She was HOT enough, You wouldn't need any Help....... But if She wasn't Hot Enough, then You'd need the Pills or Send in the Fluffer.......

Yeah. ED doesn't mean you can't ever get it up. And Many people on 'the pill' don't NEED-NEED to be on it, of 40-65, if they exercised more, cut out drinking, shed a prescription or two (which at the same time, may not Need-Need; 'the pill' isn't the only one) -- but are put on it. What -- if someone's over 40 or 45 and on it they always Need it if prescribed?

I agree with you that a guy (whether he's 35 or 55) would be best doing the 'right thing' for himself and not have self-inflicting or fixable issues thru other measures as his main focal point. Like cutting out smoking, getting off his prescription anti-depressants... not drinking much, getting on an exercise regimen, eating better as a long-staying routine & process, etc. But like other prescriptions, it's not a last-ditch effort to utilize it.

But yes, a lot of ED is one's head. Different chemical reactions happen in one's head that directly affect your physical flow. The "mental" part is always going to play a role in erections and sex. Mind over matter, right? :)

So when one's sub-par on consistent actions down there, they can not have their motor running so optimally when the gal isn't that great looking (doesn't have to be a fugly). And on the flip side, she can be Real hot and the intimidation factor can play a role too -- where if his male parts aren't "rearing to go" oh-so readily by themselves, a little kick will be helpful. One could beef up on L-Arginine, an amino acid which aids in blood flow (to the pen!s too), and other natural methods that will aid in that, along with a little testosterone boost too, etc.

But hey, it can get you upset that someone in their 30s may use it when they could change their lifestyle more and not need it, but the same can be said of much older age groups, too.
 newoldgirl
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 134
honesty regarding sexual capability
Posted: 6/27/2015 8:51:12 PM

You can be COMPLETELY healthy and your THING isn't ready when you THINK you are.


I will have to take your word for that! LOL

If you are otherwise healthy, then I think the pill is great.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 135
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honesty regarding sexual capability
Posted: 6/28/2015 9:57:49 AM
By the time I've reached the place where we are considering having sex with each other, then we BETTER be able to discuss any issues that may, or in this case, may NOT, arise...

If you can't TALK about sex, then you have no business DOING it, imo...

Ed can be cause by a variety of things, as can dryness in women, and it is part and parcel of getting older for MANY people regardless of lifestyle or 'healthy choices'....

There are solutions and for myself, it's really just a question of being open to discussion and straightforward about your issue, when the subject comes up, naturally...whether that's before, during or after, is up to you.
 MaleFeasance
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 136
honesty regarding sexual capability
Posted: 6/28/2015 1:01:46 PM
Yep...If I have stress or am tired,
---------------
If I am tired or stressed or whatever, I just say I'm not in the mood. I figure I have just as much right to not feel like having sex at any given time as any woman does.
 Kissfromarose77
Joined: 4/13/2015
Msg: 137
honesty regarding sexual capability
Posted: 6/28/2015 1:23:05 PM
It might actually be easier for a lot men to have sex in the morning. Usually the only time I'd have trouble with this is when I was stressed or tired at night. An erection in the early morning is common for a lot of guys if they've had a good rest. Women also have to realize that most men are visual- we respond to sexually to visual stimula. Having the lights out is not going to help a guy get it up.
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 138
honesty regarding sexual capability
Posted: 6/28/2015 1:30:00 PM

If I am tired or stressed or whatever, I just say I'm not in the mood.


The few times that's ever ocurred I've alway's been adament that we were stopping at three O's no negotiation.
 newoldgirl
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 139
honesty regarding sexual capability
Posted: 6/28/2015 1:48:00 PM

It might actually be easier for a lot men to have sex in the morning.


When I was married with young children, this was my absolute least favourite, least convenient time to ****.

I can handle morning now if it is very early (as in at least an hour before the alarm clock goes off). I can't relax or concentrate if I have to watch the clock.
 Peas_
Joined: 5/2/2015
Msg: 140
honesty regarding sexual capability
Posted: 6/28/2015 2:47:23 PM
Methinks someone in this thread abuses anti depressants (which can cause sexual dysfunction), alcohol (which is a depressant) and what doctor prescribes Viagra for 'whiskey****? None, you would have to come up with some valid reason other than that for prescription.

One of my ex's used Viagra in his 30's, he had several issues going on physically. One, I broke his****and he never went to the doctor. Two, he was a secret addict of various glues and paints and such, and Three, he was just a constant masturbator of porn.

I had a woman doctor laugh at me about not being lubed enough during that time frame. She simply stated "He's not doing it right then!" Which she was correct, but how would've I had known that being married, if a doctor didn't tell me. Foreplay is everything. Engage my mind and I'm fine. I reciprocate. Although I have no tolerance for sexual dysfunction anymore. It's not me.

But no, I wouldn't expect to ask those questions about a man's virility before I felt comfortable. I need to know if I'm going to be attracted first.
 Naturallyblunt
Joined: 6/24/2015
Msg: 141
honesty regarding sexual capability
Posted: 7/2/2015 7:21:39 AM
the same thing is said about women. and the fact that most women have found it proper to quit jobs etc after hooking up with a man. screw that. we are dating. thats it. stop looking at me as a dildo with a wallet. then youll get what you want. ME!
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 142
honesty regarding sexual capability
Posted: 7/2/2015 7:33:40 AM


the same thing is said about women. and the fact that most women have found it proper to quit jobs etc after hooking up with a man.


I don't give a rats arse what direction her career takes after we hookup.

I've got good locks on the front door and I've got digital blocking down to a science.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 143
honesty regarding sexual capability
Posted: 7/2/2015 8:37:31 AM
Honestly, I wouldn't be very sure how to answer that with any certainty.

It's really complicated, male sexual arousal involves the brain, hormones, emotions, nerves, muscles and blood vessels.

So while someone with serious ED will know they have a problem, all of us others don't really know for sure how we will respond sexually. Certainly good cardiovascular health is critical, but it goes way beyond this rather obvious problem.

For me in the last 4 years, my own range of sexual response has been 4-5 orgasms in a single day then twice daily, getting erections at all times of the day for almost no reason Vs no interest at all in sex for a month with difficulty in getting an erection even with stimulation. In that time my testosterone levels have varied between 1000 ng/dl and 326 ng/dl. Or more simply, typical of a 75 (326 ng/dl) year old or typical of a 20 (1000 ng/dl) year old.

So for me, it's mostly about my level of testosterone.

However, even when I had a high level of testosterone, I can be turned off by a women I had been having sex with previously but they reveal a sexual attitude I don't like and I tend to go non-responsive. I believe this wouldn't happen with someone the first time, but after the newness wore off it definitely can happen.

So the brain (psychology) plays an important role as well.

So for me, it would be hard to predict. I haven't taken any Viagra or similar, no idea how that would work, but if a man has no sexual interest then Viagra won't help.

I do wonder if a man has a high level of testosterone beyond age 75-85, how is the equipment still going to work? Hard to find an answer for that.

BTW, testosterone is highest for men in the morning.

If a man hasn't had sex in awhile, if he doesn't have sex available often, it's also really difficult to predict how he will respond if it's been a longer time in between lovers.

IMO if any man is having trouble, they should get a hormone panel done to rule this in or out.
 Mummymania
Joined: 6/22/2015
Msg: 144
honesty regarding sexual capability
Posted: 7/3/2015 7:11:12 AM
You know, I am guessing that oftentimes there is nothing wrong with the guy, that emotionally he is just not that into you. Guys at 18 have no problems because they are so highly sexed. In their fifties, guys are much more selective about the women they truly want to be with or who turn them on.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 145
honesty regarding sexual capability
Posted: 7/3/2015 7:30:06 AM

the same thing is said about women. and the fact that most women have found it proper to quit jobs etc after hooking up with a man. screw that. we are dating. thats it. stop looking at me as a dildo with a wallet. then youll get what you want. ME!

Women quitting their job over some dude? What the hell for? Where do you live that this is happening?
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 146
honesty regarding sexual capability
Posted: 7/3/2015 7:45:18 AM
^^^
I was thinking the same thing. WTF?

Makes no sense at all.

Sounds like someone only has enough money to date a dildo.

YMMV
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 147
honesty regarding sexual capability
Posted: 7/3/2015 8:46:36 AM
I wonder if joysticks pay for the coffee :/
So many millionaires on POF it minds the boggle
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 148
honesty regarding sexual capability
Posted: 7/3/2015 9:02:41 AM

... and the fact that most women have found it proper to quit jobs etc after hooking up with a man.

Umm, exactly where did this 'fact' come from? 1950s?
 newoldgirl
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 149
honesty regarding sexual capability
Posted: 7/3/2015 9:48:27 AM

I am a patient woman, and am amazed at how unflappable I was when it occurred. I didn't make a big deal, was warm, compassionate, caring, and quick to offer that just being with him was enough for me, and lots of cuddling and snuggling ensued.


Just being with him was enough? Do you mean in that particular moment, or as an ongoing situation? I dunno...I enjoy foreplay and afterplay as well, but I would not willingly go without the main event.


It would have been nice to have a little prior warning.


Hell, yes. I have only dated one man with ED and he did tell me before we were intimate that it had been "hit or miss" in the past for him, and he was truthful. Sometimes it was fine, other times nothing doing.


Guys, if there is a different way to handle this when it happens, I'd like to know. Because it is bound to happen again.


I disagree that it is bound to happen. I date men in their fifties also, and it was only a problem for that one guy.

Be brave and have the conversation before getting intimate!
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 150
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honesty regarding sexual capability
Posted: 7/3/2015 10:30:33 AM

newoldgirl
I disagree that it is bound to happen. I date men in their fifties also, and it was only a problem for that one guy.

Be brave and have the conversation before getting intimate!

You know, this does cut both ways. Or at least in my age bracket it does. There are many women in their 50’s and 60’s who have problems with lubrication. And even with artificial lubrication, they are often out of practice and get sore and beg off long before the evening is over. Just sayin’ …
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