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 Strings6
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 51
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When I finally realized I'm an A-holePage 3 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
Bebe,some get tired of the notion that life should always be about the one who has the worst attitude and rewarding a bad attitude with adulation and a clear path,we all have troubles and for any one person to get an attitude because they feel life and everyone in it isn't focused on them is pretty evil.
 tangofish
Joined: 6/16/2015
Msg: 52
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When I finally realized I'm an A-hole
Posted: 6/25/2015 4:27:25 PM
You can sit there and tally the damage, justify your position as a victim of life/circumstance and stay beaten - or you dig deep and slowly recover. It's easy to play the martyr, it's easy to point fingers... And its easy to then justify the losses as punishment for not getting it right or causing undue harm.

The hard thing to do - is own your part, take inventory of the damages you caused, the way you neglected yourself and others. Forgive yourself for what you've done, pick up and repair what you can and then move forward. The damages don't just stop because you've given up, they're cumulative, and compound when ignored.

All at once life can seem impossible to manage, but one step at a time relationships can be built or rebuilt, behavior changed, structure reinforced - life justified as opposed to squandered.

The other option is to wallow as a martyr, justify your beaten position, and then wait for your life to end
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 53
When I finally realized I'm an A-hole
Posted: 6/25/2015 5:08:22 PM
Vuh, vuh, vuhvuhvuh, Vector?!
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 54
When I finally realized I'm an A-hole
Posted: 6/25/2015 5:25:19 PM
I just read what the OP posted in an RIP thread..
man he is insulting a holes everywhere claiming to be one. Vile. Vile and past.
 tangofish
Joined: 6/16/2015
Msg: 55
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When I finally realized I'm an A-hole
Posted: 6/25/2015 6:42:56 PM
V for vector, not sure if there's still a vendetta. TangoFish, is now of service, anyone seen greening? I went into a residential program to be reprogrammed, jumbo jet style, there was resistance , struggle , and reform.

So what'd I miss?
 PenelopeLeChat
Joined: 7/29/2014
Msg: 56
When I finally realized I'm an A-hole
Posted: 6/25/2015 7:31:59 PM
Welcome back CV! Glad your safe and sound and are Borg now.

Le Pew
 Bebedeleau
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 57
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When I finally realized I'm an A-hole
Posted: 6/26/2015 11:23:31 AM

I just read what the OP posted in an RIP thread..
man he is insulting a holes everywhere claiming to be one. Vile. Vile and past.


I'm sure one of his alts will make a reappearance. He's obviously (IMO) purging that bile.
 Hearton64
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 58
When I finally realized I'm an A-hole
Posted: 6/26/2015 1:31:31 PM

V for vector, not sure if there's still a vendetta.
TangoFish, is now of service, anyone seen greening?
I went into a residential program to be reprogrammed,
jumbo jet style, there was resistance , struggle , and reform.

So what'd I miss?


Nothing. But you sure were missed.
Glad you're back. Just do yourself a favor
don't let 'em bait you into reacting.

Oh yeah aradia returned under multiple monikers
and messed with us all! You were right! She was a whack job!

I just noticed the change to our profiles by looking
at yours.

Pof...upgraded!
 flaneur001
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 59
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When I finally realized I'm an A-hole
Posted: 6/26/2015 1:40:02 PM
Hey CV,

Glad you're back. You were missed! You've worked hard and it shows....kudos!!
 tangofish
Joined: 6/16/2015
Msg: 60
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When I finally realized I'm an A-hole
Posted: 6/26/2015 5:50:17 PM
Thank you

flaneur001, Hearton64, Vicki159, Le Pew,

I appreciate the welcome, wasn't sure if I was going to get nuked again, and I've learned a good deal, at least enough to hold myself accountable for being verbally abusive... In my head I just justified it as ok, as long as I don't put hands on someone, that it was ok. But yeah, PTSD program helped out a lot... so on to better things I guess.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 61
When I finally realized I'm an A-hole
Posted: 6/26/2015 8:13:40 PM
TangoFish- I'm really glad you are doing better and happy to see you back here.
I'm almost at a loss for words (almost, lol).
It's so refreshing to see someone face a problem. admit it, work to change and actually change, bravo! :)
 Hearton64
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 62
When I finally realized I'm an A-hole
Posted: 6/27/2015 4:25:01 AM

I've learned a good deal, at least enough to hold myself
accountable for being verbally abusive... In my head
I just justified it as ok, as long as I don't put hands
on someone, that it was ok. But yeah, PTSD program
helped out a lot... so on to better things I guess.


Don't feel too badly.i spent years of my marriage justifying
His verbal abuses by thinking,"well at least he's not hitting me."

Finally held him accountable and sent him packing
when he threatened to hit me in front of my kids.

Sometimes valid anger and frustration can get out of control.

Sometimes it just feels damn good to go OFF on someone
who's goading you into a fight!

But in the end we can't control
anything besides our reactions to others
so stooping to their level shouldn't be an option.

I've learned to agree to disagree long before I get myself
banned from a forum.

But honestly, I've been banned many times without recourse
from forums for holding tight to my valid points and voice
Whilst stooping to baiters levels and fighting back!

Unfortunately I played right into their hands and gave them
justification for banning me!

Not anymore!

(Guess I'm too old to pm ya')
 tangofish
Joined: 6/16/2015
Msg: 63
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When I finally realized I'm an A-hole
Posted: 6/27/2015 7:22:24 PM
Thank you bamagrl68, it was a fight for sure, I was put on contract, almost kicked out of the program twice... but I graduated it lol, the response was that I did well despite the complications.

Hearton

Yeah, I was always nice to my wife - after she left my military personality kind of came to the foreground, then I got myself into a relatively heavy addiction problem... kind of spiraled out of control... hell half the time I posted anything on these forums I was out of my mind high.

But yeah I quelled the addiction, learned to control my anger, spent some time in the gym, you know - ate 3 meals a day and got 8 hours of sleep.... amazing what that can do for you, especially considering I have sleep apnea now and its being controlled.

But yeah, there were a lot of reasons I was freaking out on the forums and in reality... im just lucky I didn't end up with any legal recourse. But I was never really that bad, I let that one crazy girl beat up on me, she cut me below my eye with a key, punched me in the stomach a few times, she never could hurt me, but I didn't hit her back.. So I mean I wasn't all that bad, just everything combined turned me into a person who could change drastically in the emotional stability department.
 Doremi_Fasolatido
Joined: 2/14/2009
Msg: 64
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When I finally realized I'm an A-hole
Posted: 6/27/2015 9:39:19 PM
Well, when you realize that arseholes are the last line of defense that keeps us all from walking around with crappy drawers you'd think maybe they'd garner more respect? But, everyone takes them for granted, sits on them, spews noxious gasses from them and it seems they are on the shytty end of life.

But OP take heart. Just think, if it were'nt for arseholes like yourself and others we'd all be knee deep in shyte. And, that's never a good thing. Hang in there because even though things may seem gloomy now... eventually it'll pass...
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 65
When I finally realized I'm an A-hole
Posted: 6/27/2015 11:11:38 PM

But yeah I quelled the addiction, learned to control my anger, spent some time in the gym, you know - ate 3 meals a day and got 8 hours of sleep.... amazing what that can do for you, especially considering I have sleep apnea now and its being controlled.


Dude, I am so happy that you're doing better. I batted for you several times while the wolf wanted you for dinner. Just hand tight. I have a character in my new novel in which I am borrowing some what you have exposed of your life, to define you.

I am glad that you never hit that woman. I am a very strong, as s hole like, opinionated, domineering type of guy. I know it. But I do not want a woman to be my victim. I do not want a woman to be my servant. I want a woman to be my equal. That her ideas are as powerful as mine. That she completes me with her ideas. That I serve her as she serves me. Even if the woman is in the wrong, and I am in the right, I will not it a woman. In my book that is not acceptable.

If anything dude, we are your family. We know your inside. And perhaps that is why I keep coming to this place.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 66
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When I finally realized I'm an A-hole
Posted: 6/27/2015 11:25:02 PM

Or he's just expecting a steady stream of hate to reinforce his feelings or worthlessness.

I would say kinda-yeah. More as a prepared escape-hatch to refer to, to deflect any criticism. OP's post wasn't one of admittance. He wasn't coming to any realization. No light bulb came on. At all. It's the same angle as sarcasm. He realizes, "Yeah, fine, I'm an a-hole," but his message is all about a "BUT" following it. He doesn't really think he's an a-hole. It's more of an "admittance" that technically, sure, I am one -- I'll say it, and admit I shouldn't have puppy dogs and ice cream, but you know what? [Insert Rant Here --> the whole concept of the post; not any 'admittance']
 Doremi_Fasolatido
Joined: 2/14/2009
Msg: 67
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When I finally realized I'm an A-hole
Posted: 6/27/2015 11:25:25 PM
And I keep coming to this place because of the laughs....

I mean, really I've never seen such soul bearing up front franktitude since Patton slapped one of his troops. Way to share and who would have thought this possible? Especially on a thread where the OP is admitting his propensity towards assholishness.

And in keeping on the theme of the OP.... Azzholishness and whether or not one is one? Or is'nt... Perhaps my very post here is a spewage of the anus?? Or, maybe it's JMHO and no offenses were meant...
 Hearton64
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 68
When I finally realized I'm an A-hole
Posted: 6/28/2015 1:53:41 AM
Tango,

I hear you.

I don't recall a single line of speed that made me gentle or loving!

But I do recall the thread you lost it in and I have to
say it takes two (or more) to "tango"!

I'm sure half the verbal abuse heaped on me was in part
my own damn fault!

Either way I'm very happy for you that you found your way out of
that downward spiral!

I quit that shit back almost 30 years ago!

I'm assertive and confrontational enough without it! ; )

I'll stick wit da kine!

Peace and love!
 tangofish
Joined: 6/16/2015
Msg: 69
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When I finally realized I'm an A-hole
Posted: 6/28/2015 9:04:42 PM
Thanks IG

I appreciate the kind words, and im glad I could give you some assistance in character concept. And yeah that girl was bad news, it was like cutting off a limb getting rid of her, because we had our addiction problem together - on top of that she was the only person I really knew or associated with in reality after I dropped out of college... the whole family thing is still trashed after my wife left, but its all good... its good to have family here... thanks again.

Thanks Oluben

I don't mind the rehashing or whatnot, honestly I was so out of my mind that I don't really remember what I said or did. I think toward the end I was verging on something to the effect of 7 days without sleep. So im not really sure what I said, honestly im avoiding looking at my later "contributions" to the forums for that reason.

Hearton it wasn't your fault, I was literally losing my mind, I don't know... topics of traumatic stress are bad topics to talk about for me... I gotta learn how to just avoid that whole thing... so it was a learning experience, sorry for the damage I caused while figuring out how to figure things out lol.
 Hearton64
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 70
When I finally realized I'm an A-hole
Posted: 6/29/2015 1:19:06 PM

I don't mind the rehashing or whatnot, honestly I was so out of
my mind that I don't really remember what I said or did.
I think toward the end I was verging on something to the effect
of 7 days without sleep. So im not really sure what I said, honestly
im avoiding looking at my later "contributions" to the forums for that reason.


That would explain your reactions to a degree.
But honestly,had you just not sworn at people
you had very valid points in that PSTD thread!


Hearton it wasn't your fault, I was literally losing my mind, I
don't know... topics of traumatic stress are bad topics to talk
about for me... I gotta learn how to just avoid that whole thing...
so it was a learning experience, sorry for the damage I
caused while figuring out how to figure things out lol.


First of all you did nothing to me, so no apology is necessary!
Secondly you had every right to speak your peace.
Only thing you did wrong was swear and taking an opposing stance
on any given topic isn't wrong.
Thirdly, you have every right to your feelings on the subject
and a voice here!

It's very nice that you are accepting responsibility for your part.

It's big of you.

No one knew you were drugged and overly tired
It just looked like you were triggered and that happens
to the best of us.

You aren't just known for that episode of over reaction
I can assure you.

Stay healthy and forgive yourself for your limitations!

No one here is above reproach!!!
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 71
When I finally realized I'm an A-hole
Posted: 6/29/2015 1:53:50 PM
"I am a very strong, as s hole like, opinionated, domineering type of guy"

Which he likes to remind us all of...endlessly.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 72
When I finally realized I'm an A-hole
Posted: 6/30/2015 8:32:57 AM

"I am a very strong, as s hole like, opinionated, domineering type of guy"

Which he likes to remind us all of...endlessly.


No different that you reminding us how online dating sucks and does not work, and that there are no available men in the LA area at all, because all they want is sex and they all have STDs. You follow your script. I follow mine. And while you are stuck in your half empty glass, at least I am trying to learn to be compassionate and caring towards my fellow men... and women.
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 73
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When I finally realized I'm an A-hole
Posted: 6/30/2015 9:00:37 AM
^^Online dating doesn't work? SAY IT ISN'T SO! So are you saying, tell me like I am 4 yr old, that we met our gals outside of online dating???(eyebrow raised)

And please TELL me a city outside of the bible belt( and they are mostly in denial so they shouldn't count) where majority of men don't want sex! In my travels I have found the old cliche "Women give sex to get love, Men give love to get sex" to be grounded in a bit of reality.

However trite this phrase sounds, its accuracy reflects the gender difference in thought process between many men and women. So in a city like LA or NYC, where there are plenty of sexually promiscuous women, it stands to reason men will get spoiled to expect it from many date's! It is similar to women who get used to men paying to expect it. If one never experiences it there is no expectation(or entitlement as Rockintrucker would say) Go to Israel or Scandinavia where men often will NOT pay and see how it goes for you!


at least I am trying to learn to be compassionate and caring towards my fellow men... and women.


LOL..you lost me there. We have a saying in Psychology, "you have to be selfish before you can help others". Go ahead and embrace your selfishness , and by doing so, you will uplift someone else in the process who you REALLY care about. That isn't to say one shouldn't have empathy. Many psychologists and philosophers argue that there can be no such thing as true altruism, and that so-called empathy and altruism are mere tools of selfishness and self-preservation.

On that note if you care so much, please lend me 1k dollars ;P
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 74
When I finally realized I'm an A-hole
Posted: 6/30/2015 9:07:45 AM
you won't mind Greek currency, wouldja? I can see 'em inflating that sucker, pay the banks, be the vacation destination this summer as a result of inflation, and bouncing right back :)

yeah, we all want pleasure. we might just define it differently.

sometimes, our altruism is rooted in self-focus--we were once in someone's situation, no one helped us, so we help them as a "balancing the scales" gesture, or maybe we help b/c it makes us feel good about ourselves, that we are just as nice a guy as we like to tell people we are.
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 75
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When I finally realized I'm an A-hole
Posted: 6/30/2015 9:28:24 AM
BTW I meant paying , as in date paying , for those of you with dirty minds!


sometimes, our altruism is rooted in self-focus--we were once in someone's situation, no one helped us, so we help them as a "balancing the scales" gesture, or maybe we help b/c it makes us feel good about ourselves, that we are just as nice a guy as we like to tell people we are.


Exactly GTO! Even many people who work at soup kitchens have a selfish vibe...they do it to feel GOOD! I help ran and founded a popular animal rescue/shelter group . But I actually like animals and Cats! It be more altruistic of me if I ran a****oach, rodent and scorpion rescue group , since these critters make me annoyed! That would be a true trial!


you won't mind Greek currency, wouldja? I can see 'em inflating that sucker, pay the banks, be the vacation destination this summer as a result of inflation, and bouncing right back :)


Sure I could use it! My landlord always offers me the chance to stay at his villa....in SPARTA! But there isn't much to do there, it is a village!
As for Vacation destination I have a feeling Greece will be the Russian destination this year since most of them are going to avoid Italy, their usual place!
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