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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Profile errors, height, values, and the kitchen sink.      Home login  
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 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 226
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Profile errors, height, values, and the kitchen sink.Page 10 of 18    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)
Kiss: “I don't think our diet has improved. We're eating more crap than ever and if kids are getting taller it's because of all the hormones they're putting in food. Tall does not necessarily equate to healthy.”

Perhaps “diet” wasn’t the proper term. I mean as in, modern humans grow taller and live longer than people 100 years ago, 1000 years ago, 10,000 years ago, because of greater availability of food, health care advances and general improved knowledge about health. Modern children rarely ever starve or have calcium deficiencies (the greatest mineral contributor to height). I do believe that advantage over previous generations has plateaued, though – from this point forward, the only way children will probably get taller is Darwinian evolution.

Interesting anecdotal observation: Tom and I are the shortest male regular contributors to this board. Neither of us have children nor are likely to at this point. Slowly but surely, the short man genes are eliminated from the human population... (of course, that will just lead to what are currently average-heighted men being the short men...)

IG: “YOu can have very high numbers of unsolicited women but that only means you're good looking,”

Well, I guess you do get it – your previous sentences in that post had me worried.

Obviously, I am “approaching” – I would wager that I have “approached” more than all the other people in this thread combined in my nearly 20 years of OLD (primarily because most people eventually succeed and end up in relationship and so no longer have to approach, or give up much sooner). I’m just telling you, there is direct correlation between unsolicited views and response rate, for exactly the reason you just said – one shouldn’t even need empirical evidence to realize that correlation, as it’s common sense.

AJ: “although I had women say they ‘just spotted me online’”

I think you’re taking that rather literally if you believe it means they were using “Online Now.” If someone said that to me that I had previously had contact with, I would assume they were talking about the green dot thing. But it could have many other meanings beyond just an “Online Now” search.

“But with all the thousands logging in my area at any given moment I find it hard that I would be anywhere near the top of the search minutes after I log in.”

But this is also true with “Online Now.” There are only 28 pictures on the first page of that feature – click it 1 minute later and they’re all different. So you’re probably at the top of that list only for a minute – which is probably about how much time you’ll be at the top of NYC search list, unless the woman is looking for a VERY specific type of guy. Which is what makes it different from “Online Now,” which might as well be random pictures.

Most women I know that are serious about OLD use searches because of just how random other features like “Online Now” are. They’ve got like 100,000 men in the NYC area they need to pare down, and what a waste of time seeing random pictures would be when they know they won’t date short men, fat men, poor men, uneducated men, bald men, etc. Why would most women not want to filter out all the undesirables? Isn’t that Tinder’s biggest shortcoming?

“For one thing , I would say about 50% of profiles are hidden and you will never know if they checked you out or not.”

This doesn’t matter, because all men are on equal footing. Unless there is some proof that women who hide their profiles or view in stealth mode are more likely to like or dislike some type of guy, which is possible but unlikely to be statistically meaningful. So if somehow we knew 50% of women view in stealth mode, all we have to do is double every guy’s total views to get the “true” total, so the comparison between men’s views is still valid. The point is, there must be some reason why one man would have 30 views a day (like you) and another man would have zero views a day (like me) if they are in similar-sized markets.

BTW, double zero views = zero. Surely, the fact that I literally have ZERO unsolicited views since March has got to be meaningful to even the biggest skeptics to this theory. I mean, that must say SOMETHING about me, right? If you don’t think I’m one of the ugliest MFs to ever walk the planet, then how do you explain the fact that I have zero unsolicited views over the past 4 months?

“So what? Etc.”

Uh, that response was for IG, not you, and I was trying to make a completely different point with him than the tangent you went off on, that I don’t necessarily disagree with.

Kiss: “Before I came to this forum I didn't even know that women cared so much about a man's height.”

Witness: I’m actually quite familiar with that theory and there’s undoubtedly some validity to it – in fact, women with shorter fathers don’t usually have nearly as strong of a hang-up on height as women with taller fathers. Although, it doesn’t really explain why most baby girls don’t become lesbians.

As I’ve said before, I didn’t even know it until I was in college, but that’s mostly because all of my rejections prior to then were because of race. (And, yes, they told me that was the reason why – that’s not guesswork or assumptions. Rural white Alabama women really have no problem telling you to your face why they want nothing to do with you – or why you’re going to burn in hell for wanting to violate God’s law against race-mixing, or bestiality, because you’re not even human.) Occasionally a guy would make fun of me because of my height in school but I really don’t remember a female other than my mother (who took me to specialists to try to get me to grow more – she knew what direction my life was heading in if I stayed on that track) saying anything about my height. A couple of dateless years into a more progressive college, I started asking questions and began getting some answers.

But it’s not surprising an average or tall male would not realize this until something like POF message boards – after all, they aren’t affected by it. In fact, that is no doubt the reason why it is trivialized in comparison to most other dating shortcomings (hah!) – when it only affects about 5% of the population, nobody except that 5% cares about it. But, man, attempt to belittle overweight women the way short men are belittled here and see how much blood ends up on the floor. (Yet ironically, overweight women have FAR more options than short men, so they don’t even really need the defense.)

“At least you're honest and didn't spend an hour writing a thesis that few will read.”

You know, I’m really getting goddamn sick of this. I wrote at most 2-3 paragraphs to each of the dozen people that wrote to me – it’s not a bloody “thesis” – it’s probably the same amount a bunch of others in this thread have written, just in one post instead of 10. What do you want me to do, be like you and ignore 90% of the people talking to me and only respond to those you consider “special”? Elitism at its finest. Now I'm starting to remember why I hadn't posted in a dating-related thread in months. Thanks a lot to the jerks that pulled me into this one. It was a lot less stressful battling racist hicks over Civil War Era symbols.
 HalftimeDad
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 227
Profile errors, height, values, and the kitchen sink.
Posted: 8/7/2015 12:08:10 PM
I honestly can't explain the lack of views your profile gets.

I believe you, but it doesn't make sense to me. I doubt many women enter a minimum height requirement on their search terms, and they wouldn't know your height unless they look at your profile. I'm thinking there might be a glitch somewhere. Are you sure your profile isn't hidden?

That said, the biggest horn dog I've ever known is your height. He always has an ex, a current and a next on the go. And a handful of randoms that can be called on at any given time. He's not better looking than you, and has an equivalent education and career coolness. He just really likes sex and is pretty much always on the make. Not obnoxiously, just always aware and ready to move his friendly demeanor into a more predatory friendliness. As others have said, confidence is more important than height.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 228
Profile errors, height, values, and the kitchen sink.
Posted: 8/7/2015 1:12:16 PM

they are probably doing it to make their GF feel better, more secure or "something" like that , probably because their GF reads the forum in many cases and perhaps in some cases has jealous streaks even.


My wife wouldn't care what I put on my profile, I do it for people in the forum so they don't accuse me of trolling for sex. I hid my profile to avoid getting the rare message from women that maybe don't care if I am married. And likely they would be professional women, who needs that?


But if Elena Delle Donne ( 6' 5" ) asked me out, I would quickly say yes.


If someone that looked like Elena Donne asked me out, I would accept but honestly I would be waiting for the punch line, like this cost $400.00.


find this to be completely ludicrous. It reflects nothing, it amounts to nothing.


On balance I agree, but I would say it does mean something. It means those women that are aggressively searching for men tend to all put in qualifiers, like height, race and money. Even those that have a lot of choices but would accept something less would tend to search for their ideal.


You know, I’m really getting goddamn sick of this.
I saw that, but I wasn't sure if she was referring to [norwegianguy456 or to you.

HalftimeDad
That said, the biggest horn dog I've ever known is your height. He always has an ex, a current and a next on the go.
But are these attractive well educated women, are they the sort you want to ask them out on a date? Typically, they won't be the sort you would be attracted to.
===================================
But [hawkings[ and my self are equally short, I am maybe 1 inch taller, outside of race we should have similar experiences, but we haven't. I think I look more stocky, and I have been going bald since age 30.

Some significant differences.

1) I have never experienced much rejection. Partially luck, partially I avoid rejection as being unpleasant. I would guess about 50% of the women I asked out accepted, and about 50% of them we had a sexual relationship. However using online dating I only used eh and Thailovelinks. On eh the computer matches you, in Thailand it works more like POF, but I had to pay, the women don't pay and they don't care much about height.

I first noticed being short was a negative in 8th grade, when my very tall friend got the cute girl. But in college I never got rejected since I was with 90% men, and I worked in a clothing store with 6 young women, I ended up dating most of them.

Near the end of college, I was a virgin but hooked up with a taller woman who was also a virgin and we were inseparable for 5 years.

The only time I really got a little frustrated dating was when I moved to Washington DC and I knew no one. I started hitting singles bars, it was pretty dismal. But I did hook up with a wild French girl and we were a couple for 18 months, traveling together to France. She did have a young 8 year old son.

2) I like children and have no trouble communicating with them, and I would date women that wanted children, women that have children, etc. [Hawkings[ is of the age where many women either have children or want children, but he can't stand the thought of children. IMO a big negative and really shrinks his dating pool.

3) I avoid rejection, and never used POF to date, since my gut told me that it wouldn't work for me. It seemed too much like a typical bar scene.

4) I never look at who viewed me, I would rather remain hidden and only MSG women I am interested in. I won't reject women that contact me, but to me it's been somewhat of a negative.

5) I have never had women as platonic friends, and if they are attractive I would 100% hit on them looking to date. If they didn't want to date, likely I wouldn't remain friends. Even today at my age I only had 1 female friend that was single, and we came a little close to hooking up when we shared a hotel room to save money. But I had nearly zero attraction to her, as for her, hard for me to tell since we only hugged.

6) When I was dating, I would have have a global distance setting, and the only limit I put was not overweight. No age, height, other body type, children etc, limits. I am very comfortable with distance dating and have done it fairly often.

===================================================

So IMO, I will be drawn to every attractive single woman I have come in contact with, and will eventually ask them out if we see each other more than just once. Even when I hadn't done that, like I never hit on my boss when I was 19 and she was a very attractive woman, but I sure fantasized about it. It seemed at least to me she was open to it, at times we sat isolated in a stock room gazing into each others eyes. I have an expectation I will end up in a relationship if I am looking to date, and I don't have many restrictions on who I date.

I fully acknowledge that being short is a huge negative, and agree that location is a huge differentiator. After all, I had planned to move to Thailand because being short wasn't a negative at all and it was so easy to date.
 HalftimeDad
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 229
Profile errors, height, values, and the kitchen sink.
Posted: 8/7/2015 1:23:00 PM

But are these attractive well educated women, are they the sort you want to ask them out on a date? Typically, they won't be the sort you would be attracted to.


Not all of them, but the vast majority, yes. Most have had at least a Bachelor's degree, but there have been a smattering of doctorates in the mix. And they are mostly very attractive.

It made me realize that an honest expression of genuine interest is what most women really want. No coy hesitant feeling her out to see if she likes you too - just the "Hey Baby" or equivalent.
 ThePigIsHereForEternity
Joined: 7/19/2015
Msg: 230
Profile errors, height, values, and the kitchen sink.
Posted: 8/8/2015 3:52:14 AM


I feel like this is because (a) you are not a short man (b) most of your best friends aren’t women.


Most of my closest friends actually are women. Most of the other guys I associate with are other local musicians, and they are so caught up in their f*cked up lives of drugs and alcohol, that I keep them at an acquaintance level. I don't even invite them to my house or go to theirs.

I ask the women I know all sorts of questions pertaining to dating in general because I'm an inquisitive f*cker, and for the most part, when it comes to height, the most common response I get is that they *like* tall men, but would date a shorter guy if they liked him and found him attractive enough. I do know ONE that said she absolutely wouldn't date a short guy, but she's one of the most undesirable women on the planet, anyway, and I am no longer friends with her....haha.



I find this to be completely ludicrous. It reflects nothing, it amounts to nothing.


If a guy is receiving no messages, then yes, I would agree with this. I still believe a guy should be putting together a profile with the intent of women writing first in mind, though. If that doesn't seem to be working, then yes, they need to be doing the initiating.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 231
Profile errors, height, values, and the kitchen sink.
Posted: 8/8/2015 7:43:20 AM

I ask the women I know all sorts of questions pertaining to dating in general because I'm an inquisitive f*cker, and for the most part, when it comes to height, the most common response I get is that they *like* tall men, but would date a shorter guy if they liked him and found him attractive enough. I do know ONE that said she absolutely wouldn't date a short guy, but she's one of the most undesirable women on the planet, anyway, and I am no longer friends with her....haha.


Have you considered that they are just telling you what you want to hear? It's more flattering to you to say that, and obviously it's what you want to hear.

You are curious, try changing your profile to 5.4 and see how many women initiate contact, it might surprise you.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 232
Profile errors, height, values, and the kitchen sink.
Posted: 8/8/2015 8:02:52 AM
Ladyinred4755
LOL, NO kidding!
Shortly after meeting my BF, from a "paid for", OLD site, I changed my profile heading to read, "I found my biker honey". I included in the "about me" section, "I am no longer free to meet, ........ AND I hid my profile. AND YET I continued to be contacted with a "Flirt" or a 1st message.


I had the exact same experience on a Thai dating site.

Even though I said I had found someone and I was married, I still got 1-2 MSG a week wanting to meet. I can 't hide the profile on that site.

Eventually I felt sorry for women wasting their time and deleted the profile.

Peas_
Dragon, you didn't check out any of the other sites from that google search? That is funny about the extremes, but perhaps it's strange and extreme for a short man to want a tall woman who doesn't want him.


I didn't comment on the other sites because I have researched most all topics on the forums, it gets starts to get boring.

HalftimeDad
That said, the biggest horn dog I've ever known is your height. He always has an ex, a current and a next on the go. And a handful of randoms that can be called on at any given time. He's not better looking than you, and has an equivalent education and career coolness.


After reading these forums for the last 5 years, if I dated again I would be more aggressive dating, I had no idea of how poor was my competition.

If you still know the horn dog, it would be very interesting and useful if you could get that man to create a profile for the forums and to talk about his experiences. In the past 5 years, the only short man that seemed happy with his dating life is Tom the bomb.
 ThePigIsHereForEternity
Joined: 7/19/2015
Msg: 233
Profile errors, height, values, and the kitchen sink.
Posted: 8/8/2015 8:17:06 AM


Have you considered that they are just telling you what you want to hear? It's more flattering to you to say that, and obviously it's what you want to hear.


I'm confused here. How could there be potential for telling *me* what I want to hear through lying? The vast majority said they would date shorter men, and some actually have before. If they had been lying, it would have been placating to a shorter man, which I'm not.




You are curious, try changing your profile to 5.4 and see how many women initiate contact, it might surprise you.


I already stated in a previous post that I'm well aware of the height issue online. There's no denying it. However, I still maintain that I see couples where the woman is taller very frequently in the real world. Hell, you should have seen the dance floor at the place I was at last night. There were quite a few. I am going to record video of this one weekend and post it on Youtube, just in case anyone has doubts.

As for changing my height in my profile, don't even tempt me. I'll set it lower than 5'4'' just for the laughs.
 NJgirl116
Joined: 7/3/2015
Msg: 234
Profile errors, height, values, and the kitchen sink.
Posted: 8/8/2015 8:27:10 AM

Hell, you should have seen the dance floor at the place I was at last night.

Hi Pig, may I ask a couple of questions about this.
1. Most dance spots are filled with very young people. I mean, kids. Is it a good idea to specifically seek out places that welcome an older crowd?
2. Does it look funny if a woman goes out dancing alone? I used to go out to NYC all the time when I was in my early twenties, but it's been 15 years since then and don't want to look weird/desperate going out alone. My friends and I all have different lives and schedules and no one is into group club hopping anymore.
 ThePigIsHereForEternity
Joined: 7/19/2015
Msg: 235
Profile errors, height, values, and the kitchen sink.
Posted: 8/8/2015 8:37:12 AM


My best recommendation for you is to go out dancing with me. Period. ;)

Seriously, though, you're 36. You're not quite over the hill yet. Furthermore, if *you* go out dancing alone, you're going to inevitably get a lot of male attention. Call it a hunch. When you're getting all that attention, who really gives a shit what the others think?? I know I wouldn't.

Are the places with only mixed age crowds the only option??
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 236
Profile errors, height, values, and the kitchen sink.
Posted: 8/8/2015 8:47:18 AM
I have gone to plenty of places by myself. Museums, cinemas, restaurants, bars / clubs, sporting events etc because my friends weren't available or interested. I have seen plenty of people ( granted more men than women ) do the same thing. But I wouldn't think any less of a woman because she was alone at these places.
 sundress1
Joined: 7/7/2015
Msg: 237
Profile errors, height, values, and the kitchen sink.
Posted: 8/8/2015 9:04:23 AM

Museums, cinemas, restaurants, bars / clubs, sporting events etc because my friends weren't available or interested. I have seen plenty of people ( granted more men than women ) do the same thing. But I wouldn't think any less of a woman because she was alone at these places


Never went to a nightclub by myself. But I have been to restaurants, movies, and museums alone. Honestly I don't think most people would care if they saw another person alone there.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 238
Profile errors, height, values, and the kitchen sink.
Posted: 8/8/2015 9:38:21 AM
Pig

I'm confused here. How could there be potential for telling *me* what I want to hear through lying? The vast majority said they would date shorter men, and some actually have before. If they had been lying, it would have been placating to a shorter man, which I'm not.


If I was dating a woman mainly because she had big breasts, I sure as hell wouldn't mention the reason to her. Not only would it make me seem shallow, it would mean I was only interested in her for her breast size. Not very flattering to her.

But when I recalled everyone I ever dated sexually, 90% of the time they were at least a 34B bra size or more. I wasn't consciously picking those women because of their breasts/figure, but after thinking about it, maybe it's a subconscious tendency I have. I certainly find small breasted women attractive also, I was surprised to think maybe it's a tendency of mine. I think that this subconscious tendency is what is mostly at play for women and male height. Sure they "would" date a shorter man, but it's never happened that a shorter man is attractive to her.


I already stated in a previous post that I'm well aware of the height issue online. There's no denying it. However, I still maintain that I see couples where the woman is taller very frequently in the real world. Hell, you should have seen the dance floor at the place I was at last night. There were quite a few. I am going to record video of this one weekend and post it on Youtube, just in case anyone has doubts.


I had said in a previous post that my first GF of five years was about 2 inches taller than me. I thought it was awkward for her to sit on my lap, and I am sure as hell not going to sit on hers, that felt totally unnatural to me. But other than that, it never impacted us and we were not conscience of the height difference. (She wanted to get married, I was against it, this eventually drove her to cheat on me. She did cheat with a 6.4 guy and a 6.7 guy, I don't know what to make of that .)

There are lot's of studies on the issue that looks at couples, mostly those that are married.

If people were randomly paired, then 10.2% of the time the man would be shorter, however in practice it's 7.5%. Another study in a different country said random pairings should result in 7.2%, reality it's 3.8%.

Both similar in the differences, you can either say it's only a 3.4 % difference, or selection bias accounts for a 26% difference. It depends on whether you want to make it seem like a huge difference.

My own personal feelings is height makes a huge difference if people are looking for a hookup for sex, whether in a bar or online, but not so important for relationships.

I much prefer online dating, sure you can get disqualified by computer dating restrictions, but it's more than made up for by expanding one's dating pool from 100 women to millions. And I don't really believe the women that would reject me for height online wouldn't also reject me in real life.
 newoldgirl
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 239
Profile errors, height, values, and the kitchen sink.
Posted: 8/8/2015 9:43:26 AM

I doubt many women enter a minimum height requirement on their search terms


I think they do. PoF includes it as a criteria for advanced search. There is a reason for that.

You can also limit your search by body type, in case you are afraid of meeting a fat girl.
 Peas_
Joined: 5/2/2015
Msg: 240
Profile errors, height, values, and the kitchen sink.
Posted: 8/8/2015 9:54:12 AM
lmfao, newgirl, I saw in another thread that you snore. I do too.

That would be hilarious if that content was in the advanced search. Snorers only.
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 241
view profile
History
Profile errors, height, values, and the kitchen sink.
Posted: 8/8/2015 10:12:22 AM
I am going to agree with Pig here, and not only because he is sending me free Disney tickets, as per my instructions, but because I see it with my own eyes. But I will admit that it isn't the normal ALL American gal that I notice the big height differences with. I also knew about height being important thing before OLD ,because that seems to be a big thing with Jewish gals and they discuss it a lot as do the parents!

Mostly I see it in the Asian community, and especially Hispanic community. Apparently Mexicans and Ecuadorian men that immigrate are quite short. The women are short also but the guys often are with gals their height or taller. I see it every day, certainly(18% of my zip code is Asian). So I would have to say it is common, as in NOT rare. Oh yeah, I never met a Filipino guy over 5'5"...do they exist?

Orlando,as well as Miami, is full of Hispanic women so I would suspect those places might be better for a shorter male, although in Miami
being tan, buffed and having a sports car seems to be a rite of passage for many! :)

I have also stated in the past, to Hawking, that I have worked with MANY short guys, mostly they were Hispanic but they pulled lots of gals and a few were I think cheating on wives since they always were getting numbers of passing females. Most of them were married or dating before they were on the job so it wasn't their money/position attracting them. It was their tenacity that got them success, plain and simple.

I worked with this Irish guy, once in a while, he was at most 5'4" in HEELS. He was older than me, but since he looked young, always attracted the teeny bopper's. He didn't have tenacity, he worked out in the gym and had forearms like Popeye. Working out seems to be another route to success. My Sgt, a black guy, also was 5'6" and built like a barrel, he was married and still had his posse of admirers.
 newoldgirl
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 242
Profile errors, height, values, and the kitchen sink.
Posted: 8/8/2015 10:23:03 AM

lmfao, newgirl, I saw in another thread that you snore. I do too.

That would be hilarious if that content was in the advanced search. Snorers only.


LMFAO!

Peas, you know what I do when I have a sleepover with a new man? I wake up, smile sweetly, and say "Oh, honey, you never told me you snore so much!! " Even if he never made a noise all night long. That way we are "even" !
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 243
Profile errors, height, values, and the kitchen sink.
Posted: 8/8/2015 10:36:37 AM

Seriously, though, you're 36. You're not quite over the hill yet.



Far from over the hill
You're only as old as you ALLOW yourself to feel, so knock it off NJ lol.
Pig is right (of course *giggles). I became single after a decade at 33. Got involved with a group of people that were tied to the downtown nightclub scene. So from 33 to about 36,whenever I had a chance , I hit the clubs. GREAT TIMES! Danced my tushie off, a great way to get stay in shape. I never really hooked up with anyone because I was mainly there to get out of the house and be sociable. Sometimes with just a friend or with a group of.
I met people, danced, and laughed the night away. It was fantastic! No body treated me like "an old person".
And yes, I have gone by myself.
You're very attractive NJ, I believe you wouldn't even pass for the old person you make yourself to be and would blend right in no matter where you go or who you're with.
:)


re; on topic
short men with the "it" factor rock my casbah
just (honestly as I can be ) sayin'
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 244
view profile
History
Profile errors, height, values, and the kitchen sink.
Posted: 8/8/2015 10:46:58 AM

Surely, the fact that I literally have ZERO unsolicited views since March has got to be meaningful to even the biggest skeptics to this theory

If you have actually Zero, it isn't just because of your height. Your No luck on Tinder (age isn't The reason) -- how is that height? On here, one will get views from thumbnails, Meet Me (shuffles those who said Yes at the top of theirs), and also non-filtered results. At least to get something. You have to stop believing that you have complete-knowledge of all angles and what they'll provide. You know the saying "Trust your gut/instincts"? You need the Opposite.

Delete your profile and Make a New one, and make/get a new Primary photo. For the sake of sh!ts and giggles. Photos are very key, and the others as well. If you're touting that you've been in OLD for 20 years and you know all the ropes backward and forward, why is your picture selection as a whole Not reflecting that complete-knowledge-of-all? Why WOULDN'T you even try photo-change-and-Reboot? Change Drinking to 'Socially', get new shoes with new height to go to 5'5" if it makes you so. Gals look at how guys are when out, comparatively, not barefoot (no, we're not talking 70s platforms).

But it’s not surprising an average or tall male would not realize this until something like POF message boards – after all, they aren’t affected by it.

Very true. It isn't going to be a factor for 90% of the guys, and not too much a factor for 95+%. IRL, it's going to be less a factor, notably when you get to know a gal. That's why Avoiding the friend-zone is very key when you're noticeably short, too chubby, or other attributes. Don't trust your gut/instincts that you've seen/tried everything and Know how everything rolls. You have to be willing to let-go, change, and have some patience in the transition, if you were to do so. Stubbornness is not a virtue. If you think that it may be, that should be an alarm bell ringing.

the most common response I get is that they *like* tall men, but would date a shorter guy if they liked him and found him attractive enough.

Well, shorter than tall guys, yeah, definitely. Shorter than her? No (especially online). Shorter than Average guy, but he's At Least As tall as she is in her biggest heels? Yeah -- and I think that's the key that Hawk needs to understand. IRL, and not establishing himself in the friend-zone -- as long as he isn't shorter than Her, and has a good non-friend-zone banter with her, he has a chance. I think Hawk rolls toward FZ as a safety zone, and since his mind has been made up long ago. I have friends like that (short and tall).

Does it look funny if a woman goes out dancing alone?

No, not if she's real cute. May look a little funny depending on the place. Funny in the sense that most guys gawking at said cutie will think "Geez, why is her BF spending so much time in the bathroom?" To many guys, they'll assume you're waiting on someone or with someone who's out of the room. Open/inviting body language when chilling at the bar before songs (and in-between) will surely get guys flocking to ya.
 Kissfromarose77
Joined: 4/13/2015
Msg: 245
Profile errors, height, values, and the kitchen sink.
Posted: 8/8/2015 11:05:21 AM
One time at the supermarket a girl who must have been about 6 ft 3 asked me if I needed help getting something off the top shelf. She was super cute too. Then her boyfriend who was even taller showed up.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 246
view profile
History
Profile errors, height, values, and the kitchen sink.
Posted: 8/8/2015 12:29:43 PM
“I think they do. PoF includes it as a criteria for advanced search. There is a reason for that.”

Yeah, I think that’s about as close to the answer to that question as we’re going to get.

“I much prefer online dating, sure you can get disqualified by computer dating restrictions, but it's more than made up for by expanding one's dating pool from 100 women to millions. And I don't really believe the women that would reject me for height online wouldn't also reject me in real life.”

I think your first sentence answers your second here. When a woman has 100 million options online but only 100 in real life, under which scenario is she more likely to reject a man because of his height? I’m sure most women I contact get like 80 emails from average to tall guys, 15 from guys somewhat taller than me and 4 from other guys about my same height. Why would that woman, no matter her height, even bother with the 5 of us? One of us is a doctor? Well, I bet 3 or 4 of the tall guys is a doctor, too. One of us wrote the most romantic email ever? Well, I bet 3 or 4 of the tall guys wrote an email that good, too. I’ll be perfectly honest: I wouldn’t respond to me under those circumstances.

“the most common response I get is that they *like* tall men, but would date a shorter guy if they liked him and found him attractive enough.”

That is my experience, both what women say and sometimes what they do. Yet, height is part of attractiveness, so how they manage to assign value to attractiveness without taking height into consideration is a little puzzling. I mean, if you’re attracted to tall men, then what about a short man would make you forgive that he was a short man? (Excluding fame, fortune, power.) Like I said, I know it happens on occasion – almost every woman who dated me did so despite my height. But I honestly don’t understand it. You know, we say all kinds of things about women’s highly selective nature and extreme deal-breakers, but they are definitely more forgiving of flaws overall than men are – the formula is just impossible to crack. There is no amount of personality a 300 pound woman could have that would make me attracted to her, yet more than one woman above 5’8” has dated me, and I don’t entirely understand why.

“If you have actually Zero, it isn't just because of your height.”

I didn’t say it was JUST because of my height. It’s because I’m a perfect storm of dating negatives: height, race, child status, age, all combined make me appealing to less than 1% of the female population.

But this has been true for many years. Yet as I’ve stated before, my first few years on POF, I got an average of 2-3 unsolicited views a week. Then starting in 2013 (seemed to coincide with all the mandatory age restrictions because many of my views have always been from women in their early 20s and even late teens), I started averaging about 1 view a month. But even I can’t explain why I have had no views since March. However, when you’re down to 1 view a month, it won’t take much random bad luck or some minor new unknown negative to drag you down to none. It doesn’t really matter – the main point is, you don’t get CLOSE to zero unsolicited views unless you are something a very large percentage of women do not want.

Also, another point is: it is highly implausible a lot of women are frequently using features like Online Now that basically present them random pictures, because if they were, then I should be getting a few views a week just from that, unless, again, I am one of the ugliest MFs on the planet or my main profile pic is terrible. So either women themselves or POF has to be excluding me from whatever features that women primarily use. Although...

“Your No luck on Tinder (age isn't The reason) -- how is that height?”

I do get matches every now and then on Tinder. Probably about as often as I get responses on POF. They just almost never write back. I’m also being hampered by their new 100 “Yes” clicks a day rule. Back when I could click “Yes” hundreds of times a day, I got a lot more matches than I do now and used the app a lot more, which itself led to even more matches. But I will say that my relative level of failure on Tinder (I have younger male friends who get many more matches than I do and date regularly from it) actually does seem to suggest that I am NOT a very attractive man (at least to Tinder users), as you are correct that there are no heights or even ethnicity filters. So maybe the zero POF views makes a lot of sense in that context – “Ew, I’m not going to click on that guy that just showed up in my Advanced Search in which I included mixed 5’4 males.”

If that is the case, then there is no hope, is there?

On the subject of Meet Me: I’m starting to wonder if due to its similarities to Tinder and ease of use on smartphones in comparison to regular messaging that a lot more younger women (obviously not POF forum regular women) are using it now than before. Until 2014, I had a grand total of about 8 Meet Me’s throughout its entire history up to that point (5 or 6 years), but my Meet Me’s have doubled to 17 in the past year – by comparison, I have received ONE unsolicited message since the beginning of 2014. Interestingly, I never get any views from those who request to “Meet Me,” so I’m guessing even women don’t bother to check profiles before clicking “Yes.”

“I think Hawk rolls toward FZ as a safety zone, and since his mind has been made up long ago.”

Most of my female friends are former romantic interests who rejected me, so I was definitely not pursuing them as friends. My current best friend is the one strong exception, because she was married when I met her. But my second best friend is a former romantic interest. I will say I have completely lost romantic interest in her, even though she’s definitely still very attractive – she’s pretty much like my little sister at this point. I also haven’t added a new close friend of either gender in a good decade, but I’ve certainly piled up the rejections during that period. So I’m not sure that description is accurate.

Joe: There are culture issues, you know. I’m not Hispanic (my high school Spanish is pretty bad) and most of the Hispanics I do hang out with (like my best friend and her family) are Cubans, who are of normal height, and also, often quite prejudiced. I do find it interesting I am always getting advice to go hang out with certain ethnicities in order to get dates, yet most other people are advised to go hang out with people of similar interests to get dates.

I think you guys have me confused with someone who wants to date just to be dating and will date anything that will date me. I can see how you would be confused, because that was undoubtedly me in my late teens and early 20s, before I got my first date. Although I had a VERY dysfunctional relationship with my ex-girlfriend, her and the woman before her and the woman right after her, and for that matter, the model from many years ago – those are the women I enjoyed dating. None of whom were Mexican (okay, one of them was half-Hispanic but you couldn’t tell it and she certainly wasn’t stereotypical, making her much like my best friend) or Asian or 300 pounds overweight or meth-addicted or a welfare queen with 10 kids or anything else that would make them “easy targets” for me, and I have to tell you, it is very difficult to go back to dating women you don’t want to date after you dated a bunch of women you do want to date. Undoubtedly that factors in some as to why I have been dateless for 8 years. Even though I am pretty desperate, when I was getting a message every 3 months on this site during my first few years, I still ignored the vast majority of them because they were bottom feeders and quite repugnant. Just not going to do that anymore – I was truly repulsed by the first several women I dated because I was so desperate I would date anyone, and I just can’t go back to that, and don’t understand why I should have to, or for that matter, why I ever had to. If I’ve truly become so undesirable that nothing is left for me but those, then I’d rather just die at this point.
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 247
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History
Profile errors, height, values, and the kitchen sink.
Posted: 8/8/2015 1:49:09 PM
^^^^
You make many valid points, as always, and no one knows your life obviously more than you do. I should add that I am dating someone from a FOREIGN culture, but for each their own.

On that note, if you are really saying that NOT one person has viewed you in over 4 months then I would suggest you check your settings and/or consider making a new profile. I believe you, but something isn't Kosher here, at all.

You see, just the fact that you are posting here in the forums would, I think, stir some/many females to view your profile, at least out of curiosity. Your profile would be looked at multiple times, and I would assume many lurkers wouldn't have their mode in stealth. Therefore, I think there might be something amiss here.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 248
Profile errors, height, values, and the kitchen sink.
Posted: 8/8/2015 4:42:42 PM
joe, I think you are right.


You see, just the fact that you are posting here in the forums would, I think, stir some/many females to view your profile, at least out of curiosity. Your profile would be looked at multiple times, and I would assume many lurkers wouldn't have their mode in stealth. Therefore, I think there might be something amiss here.


I just looked at my viewed me, and I count 22 views, and my profile is hidden. Most from the forums, a few I think because I had clicked on their profile out of curiosity.

=====================================
I was just watching a reality TV program called, "MY GIANT LIFE".

The struggles of very tall women, women from 6.5- 7.0 tall, interesting show considering the thread topic. I do concede that not much sympathy is directed to the problems of very tall women.
 SLAFFA
Joined: 8/13/2007
Msg: 249
Profile errors, height, values, and the kitchen sink.
Posted: 8/9/2015 12:01:05 AM
People who are actually serious about meeting someone and/or pay attention, ROTATE THEIR PICS ON A REGULAR BASIS. They also will login daily so they show up as ONLINE. (to the men and women who still send emails))

It's also highly likely that MOST Forum ladies still surf cloaked.
 ThePigIsHereForEternity
Joined: 7/19/2015
Msg: 250
Profile errors, height, values, and the kitchen sink.
Posted: 8/9/2015 1:31:29 AM

Well, shorter than tall guys, yeah, definitely. Shorter than her? No


When I've asked about it, they understood "shorter" to mean shorter than they were, and as I said, some had admitted to dating shorter men before.

I saw Joe post something about Hispanic men being shorter than their girlfriends, and I was actually going to state something about that before he even mentioned it, but didn't think of it being terribly relevant. But yes, when I go out, THAT is what I see most. One place in particular I go to, the place is divided into two sections. The area where the dance floor and band is, and the section where the pool tables and games are. The games section is where you'll commonly see short Hispanic guys, and their girlfriends are usually with them. It's no secret that a good number of them are gang members, too. Perhaps that's part of the allure for the girls, who knows?




On that note, if you are really saying that NOT one person has viewed you in over 4 months then I would suggest you check your settings and/or consider making a new profile. I believe you, but something isn't Kosher here, at all.


I agree. Something has to be very wrong here. I would venture to say there are people on POF with NO picture who have had at least a couple of views in 4 months. I would start anew by creating another profile, and giving it a dramatic overhaul.

Another thing - all these stats, numbers, percentages, studies, research etc. Leave ALL of that behind. Let it go. Stop over thinking and analyzing, and start doing.

Oh, and Hawk. Definitely don't settle for someone who does nothing for you. That hasn't been what I've suggested at all. You can do better than that.
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