Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 CarefreeBeauty
Joined: 5/30/2014
Msg: 63
Has anyone decided to opt out of dating all together [over 40]Page 3 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)

I do. I loathe cats. Naturally I am a cat magnet because they sense our mutual disdain.

I love Dave Barry's take on cats: "If left to their own devices, cats would lead humans directly into a whirling blade."


Only some...;-)
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 64
view profile
History
Has anyone decided to opt out of dating all together [over 40]
Posted: 7/5/2015 8:30:43 PM
See, I told ya, you were going to get jumped on.


Women want the dating part to go on forever. And that’s okay, maybe once a week for a nice dinner at a mid-level restaurant. Or dress up, go out dancing. But not every time you get together. This is “real life”, what we have to do every day, day in and day out. Dating is not real life.


I agree. Some, (actually many expect that every week) I think it's hardwired into their system. The old saying, "Women wish their men to change, and men wish that women wouldn't" goes flying out the window. They want their date nights. Add to that, dopes like Dr.Phil/ et all, pushing the same philosophy. I don't object to it, as long as they realize that sometimes, there is no selection/nothing going on. Or, one has had too much "Real life" during the week, and doesn't want to get out to face the rat race again.
 LLove2LaughToo
Joined: 3/5/2011
Msg: 66
only the hot ones haven't
Posted: 7/5/2015 10:46:33 PM

A couple of years ago I dated a man who bought his first Corvette when he was 50.
My BF bought his Harley a couple of years ago, in his fifties.


I bought my first motorcycle when I was 17, I've been riding since.
 sealady111
Joined: 5/31/2015
Msg: 68
only the hot ones haven't
Posted: 7/5/2015 11:29:25 PM
Of course the dating and romance should go on forever.

What is the point of being in a romantic relationship without the romance?

There are worse things that being single and one of those is being in a relationship without romance.
Pointless.
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 69
only the hot ones haven't
Posted: 7/5/2015 11:42:54 PM

There are worse things that being single and one of those is being in a relationship without romance.


True, that's one.

Not much better than the frustration of searching though.

I'm thinking maybe it's about time to put out the fire and call in the dogs.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 70
hey, i used to enjoy a good ride between my legs, too
Posted: 7/6/2015 2:53:24 AM
Ladyinred, you likely imagined something more interesting than I was referring to. I was merely referring to the midlife crisis. Everyone has it for different reasons, but I suspect some have it b/c as youth slips away and our parents pass and remind us of our own mortality...our views on life change. we realize that "Someday" better be today and we should consider those "bucket list" items--we better do them now while we're still healthy to try.

when we're younger and worry about what appearances say to other people, we look at the wealthy old codger with the young goldigger or the stereotypical toys and wonder, "isn't he worried about how foolish he looks to other people?" then we get to that age, and realize, "who cares what we look like to other people, let's get as much out of life as we still can!" our perspective on things can do a 180 degree turn.

(of course, not everyone's chasing the mid life crisis. but that's the joking assumption: some buy the Harley or sports car, some have the affair, etc.)

I had asked if the OP was a member of another forum, b/c at that forum there was a member from Texas or Okie with the same screen name, who hooked up with a "Sexymomma" who was immature and self-centered as hell (wanted him to get rid of his dog, etc). Sometimes, looks can be a trap.

when we were younger and lives with the parental units, likely dating WAS about getting out the house. certainly, as we get older and tire sooner, a relaxing weekend with someone who is as comfortable as the proverbial old pair of jeans...can as be as great as the high-octane Saturday night-into-Sunday morning date.

 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 71
only the hot ones haven't
Posted: 7/6/2015 3:55:14 AM


But … after a while, I want to stop dating, and start living in the real world.


Ohenry, LOL, Isn't there a happy medium?
Certainly, I can see if ALL one does is the "high activity" of dating, it would get old after a awhile. But the flip side of that is, if you never get out of the house, THAT gets old!

Perhaps, and I did say "perhaps", men or women, have a preconceived notion that ALL a woman wants to do is go out to dinner, go to a movie, go dancing, and ALL a man wants to do is stay home, eat home cooked meals, watch movies on the big screen TV?


A happy medium - doing things together and thinking of each other?
I don't want to go out dancing or dining; I want to be with the man I've chosen and who has chosen me.
I'd rather we paint the house than the town.
I'd rather picnic as we watch the paint dry than watch a show.
I'd rather lay back in the grass laughing at jokes than lay on the makeup and fancy dress.
I'd rather talk and make future plans while we walk along the beach or go for a drive.

If a date entails doing something special or unusual because it might be fun and enjoyable, then I'm all for it. If a date entails spending money to try and impress me... it probably won't succeed.

I want the special to go on forever... not the dating.
 motowncowgirl
Joined: 3/24/2015
Msg: 72
Has anyone decided to opt out of dating all together [over 40]
Posted: 7/6/2015 6:35:42 AM

Because to be attracted to women his OWN age he'd have to admit to being HIS age.

yeah sucks getting old, innit? dude you'd better find yourself a young chickiepoo and quick (be prepared to show her the lifestyle to which she'd like to become accustomed; she has lots of other options and most of them are younger than you), because it's all downhill from here. pretty soon, even the 40-somethings you wouldn't touch today won't want you. : /



I love Dave Barry's take on cats: "If left to their own devices, cats would lead humans directly into a whirling blade."


Only some...;-)

apparently, even the cat people like cats that are less like cats more like dogs. you know, the ones that *don't* actually want to casually murder you if they ever get a chance.

why don't you just get a dog?
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 3/29/2014
Msg: 73
only the hot ones haven't
Posted: 7/6/2015 7:28:08 AM

A happy medium - doing things together and thinking of each other?
I don't want to go out dancing or dining; I want to be with the man I've chosen and who has chosen me.
I'd rather we paint the house than the town.
I'd rather picnic as we watch the paint dry than watch a show.
I'd rather lay back in the grass laughing at jokes than lay on the makeup and fancy dress.
I'd rather talk and make future plans while we walk along the beach or go for a drive.

If a date entails doing something special or unusual because it might be fun and enjoyable, then I'm all for it. If a date entails spending money to try and impress me... it probably won't succeed.

I want the special to go on forever... not the dating.

+1
 ThatGirlNamedAlli
Joined: 12/28/2013
Msg: 75
Has anyone decided to opt out of dating all together [over 40]
Posted: 7/6/2015 8:48:56 AM

apparently, even the cat people like cats that are less like cats more like dogs. you know, the ones that *don't* actually want to casually murder you if they ever get a chance.


My cat actually does tricks. Lay, roll over, turn in a circle (when I swirl my finger), and weave through the mini pylons (like the agility thing). Not sure if I want to teach her more.

Like my profile says, I'll probably always have a cat, but I really want a dog one day, either adopt or "stepmom".

It's just too much for me to look after just myself right now.
 benartflick
Joined: 3/8/2012
Msg: 76
Has anyone decided to opt out of dating all together [over 40]
Posted: 7/6/2015 9:00:01 AM

men over 40, they all moan a lot


Err, only the ones you dated - right? Or are you being facetious?

Moan as 'whine' a lot?

My two sisters and daughter b it ch continuously. I pity their husbands. Always have!

My wife complained a lot after we married. Never before! No warning whatsoever!

Can't think of one woman I dated that complained - ever. None!

A co-worker told about how great his wife was prior to marrying her. Never ****ed about a thing. While driving away from the justice of the peace she said, "You're driving a little too fast - aren't ya?"
 BLonde^J^AngeL
Joined: 6/16/2015
Msg: 77
Has anyone decided to opt out of dating all together [over 40]
Posted: 7/6/2015 9:20:44 AM

That list has absolutely nothing to do with what you are willing to give back to a partner. Women already know men want all of this stuff. It's as plain as the nose on your face. It's page 1 of the installation instructions.

What women NEED to know before hooking up is what are you going to do for THEM. Online dating is not an Amazon shopping site to order and consume anything and everything specifically in your size and specs. It's about putting an ad out for yourself and selling yourself to THEM. Those issues related to divorce, kids and money are about as common as coffee as a morning beverage. Finding a mid-life woman with absolutely no strings attached usually means finding a crazy chick who just got out of 20 years in prison.



I have noticed my focus shift away from finding a partner, to my business and hobbies. The mojo just isn't there.
Women are doing the EXACT SAME THING. They get tired from working and doing things the same way as guys. They are trying to get ahead in life, and the guy better damn we be prepared to enable them in that process. They don't want a guy who's just around to play, because that's a waste of their time. Getting the kids into college becomes a vastly more important goal.

There are fundamental behaviors about online dating that seem totally unfair -
1) People are always looking for 'better' than what they consider 'average' - and what you consider average means absolutely nothing to them
2) People set their search parameters for an 'ideal' mate - not just an ordinary one - and usually never change them, whether it be out of laziness or fear

Neither of those online 'settings' you can control, so get used to being humble about the process and realize it does indeed take more than a lot of luck and searching skill to make a match - it takes a willingness to bend your own rules for a 'good' match instead of always looking over their heads for a 'great' one. Trying to prove yourself 'worthy' of the best of the best in here is a massive waste of time, because anything online is NOT dating - it's showing off, or advertising - real life is where dating happens. Trying to be the fanciest peacock in the zoo does not matter.

------
P.S. - Get some more pictures of yourself doing more things with more people. Just one shot standing in front of a boat I have a hard time believing you are truly 6' 1", and lying about height happens a lot. Prove you are not a liar by taking the effort to prove you have a life with other people - and a reference for scaling so you are more believable

WHAT HE SAID
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 78
only the hot ones haven't
Posted: 7/6/2015 11:56:49 AM
I dropped out of dating for about 6 years at about 50, didn't start dating again till I was about 56.

I wasn't angry about anything, just lost interest after my divorce and was intensely engaged in helping my mother and father while my father was dying, then doing online trading, maintenance on the house which had gone undone with just my mother to cope with it.

I am not fond of tiling, painting, wood work, car repair, plumbing repair, washing dishes, toilet repair, putting in new fire doors, building retaining walls, building brick patios, staining wood decks, mowing the lawn, constructing raised gardens, replacing large sections of landscape timbers, etc, etc. But I have done all of these choirs in the last 10 years.

My next bigger projects will be digging up the sewer line, it has to be 5-8 feet down, I think it's cast iron pipe, then replacing a section. Another big job will be taking up the rug and replacing it with wood flooring.

We waited for a hail storm to get the siding replaced, and another hail storm to replace the roof. Really, putting in 1/2 plywood and shingles on a two story roof is beyond what I would do myself, and insurance pays it totally.

I like to cook, but don't like doing the dishes, but if someone cooks something better than I do, not a problem for me to sit back and chill.

I don't do these things for fun and I can be somewhat meticulous when I do this kind of job, but they just need to be done and outsourcing to professionals would be very expensive. The jobs start out being interesting, but quickly devolve into a lot of work. If someone wanted to do it for me, go for it.
 Literate_Hiker
Joined: 1/1/2015
Msg: 82
hey, i used to enjoy a good ride between my legs, too
Posted: 7/6/2015 7:30:39 PM
I recently fired a male hiking partner, age 61, because he was too negative. "I don't want to hike with you anymore," I said. "You are a damper, a downer, constantly complaining. It's painful." He has a negative world view and pessimism about people, expecting them to be untrustworthy and even harmful. Constantly b!tching about something.

At Ingalls Lake Mr. Negative complained to me and every hiker he met: "I would enjoy this more if the sky was blue." The scenery was spectacular. (See my Ingalls Lake photo.) Baby mountain goats were following their mothers around. I've never seen baby mountain goats that young.

"There's nothing to DO at Ingalls Lake," Mr. Negative complained like a four year-old. "I want to leave now." I looked at him with disbelief.

"Be here now, " I suggested. "Drink in the incredible beauty. Jump in the lake. Watch the mountain goats. Shoot photos. Take a deep breath and SLOW DOWN. Feel grateful to be in this spectacular place."

My suggestions were lost on Mr. Negative. "I'm too antsy to sit still," he replied. I haven't hiked with him since.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 83
hey, i used to enjoy a good ride between my legs, too
Posted: 7/7/2015 7:03:07 AM
if your man is moaning, likely you are doing something good. er, right.

among women who love their drama, I think the only factor age has is....on the subject they are dramatic about. Younger ones may be more dramatic about relationship material, older ones about the material material that Daddy isn't buying for them anymore.

LH, you're totally right about your Eyore. I used to work with two. Nothing against them, but it was nice when they were gone.
 ThatGirlNamedAlli
Joined: 12/28/2013
Msg: 84
hey, i used to enjoy a good ride between my legs, too
Posted: 7/7/2015 8:17:09 AM

Yep. This is a Brit thing.


Ahh ok. I had to look at where you're from too. I thought maybe it's a canadian thing. brit/canada, so many of he same idiosyncrasies. When I read "moan" I knew what was meant right away and didn't get why people seemed confused.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 87
Has anyone decided to opt out of dating all together [over 40]
Posted: 7/8/2015 7:12:26 AM

So don't date women who have issues related to divorce, kids and money, which often left them stressed out, sometimes bitter and most often depressed. There are lots and lots of child free women who are financially fine your age who would love to have a relationship with a similar man. Note I said relationship...


I think he would have a relatively small dating pool if he was just looking for women in their 40s that don't have any kids and/or never have been married. It's okay for him to look for somewhat younger women in their 30s as well.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 88
Has anyone decided to opt out of dating all together [over 40]
Posted: 7/8/2015 10:17:02 AM

1) People are always looking for 'better' than what they consider 'average' - and what you consider average means absolutely nothing to them
2) People set their search parameters for an 'ideal' mate - not just an ordinary one - and usually never change them, whether it be out of laziness or fear

Neither of those online 'settings' you can control, so get used to being humble about the process and realize it does indeed take more than a lot of luck and searching skill to make a match - it takes a willingness to bend your own rules for a 'good' match instead of always looking over their heads for a 'great' one. Trying to prove yourself 'worthy' of the best of the best in here is a massive waste of time, because anything online is NOT dating - it's showing off, or advertising - real life is where dating happens. Trying to be the fanciest peacock in the zoo does not matter.



WHAT HE SAID

As much as I appreciate being requoted, these lines NEED to be applied to women as well. Having an almost blank profile with a few glamour shots is totally 'peac0cking', and it is VERY rampant in online dating. You have to prove yourself worthy of a man through a better online effort as well. Being a parent, in the middle of a midlife crisis or holding 2-3 jobs to make ends meet doesn't make ANYONE exempt from putting forth a better effort to advertise, to meet, and a better effort to realize 'settling' is not a four-letter word. I've found several chronically single women around me share the same trait - a stubborn resolve to believe it's not their fault they can't find a man. What is the most common denominator? It starts with the woman in the mirror, and it's not about hair or makeup or what you see on the surface.
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 89
view profile
History
Has anyone decided to opt out of dating all together [over 40]
Posted: 7/8/2015 12:31:34 PM
Hello Danimal, long time NO see ;)


And I will disagree with you here , as I always did in the past when you said such:
As much as I appreciate being requoted, these lines NEED to be applied to women as well. Having an almost blank profile with a few glamour shots is totally 'peac0cking', and it is VERY rampant in online dating. You have to prove yourself worthy of a man through a better online effort as well.


Actually, as long as those gals are getting more men of various quality than they can ever write back, they do NOT have to do a damn thing. If those gals have the goods, they get written by CEO'S, doctors, lawyers, and every other successful type often enough to play the field until they meet mr. right!

Reality on the ground trumps all, 100% of the time! They aren't leaving half blank profiles out of weakness most of the time, but out of strength!


ps- "peacocking" does often work ;P
 ThatGirlNamedAlli
Joined: 12/28/2013
Msg: 91
Has anyone decided to opt out of dating all together [over 40]
Posted: 7/8/2015 4:03:40 PM
I'd never opt out of it. I love men way too much to swear them off. Just earlier today I met the dairy department guy at the grocery store I've been seeing and smiling and a short word here and there for a while. Now he knows my name :) yay
I have a few things I'm focused on, a couple I'm stressed about in life at the moment as we all do. But of them, meeting someone is the least of my worries. It'll happen when it does.
 motowncowgirl
Joined: 3/24/2015
Msg: 94
Has anyone decided to opt out of dating all together [over 40]
Posted: 7/9/2015 3:52:07 AM
some people do not opt out of dating. everyone else is opting out of dating them.
empty fridge! that's ok, open the door and bask in that cold air.
 motowncowgirl
Joined: 3/24/2015
Msg: 96
Has anyone decided to opt out of dating all together [over 40]
Posted: 7/9/2015 4:30:38 AM
^your kitchen must be filthy.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 97
Has anyone decided to opt out of dating all together [over 40]
Posted: 7/9/2015 7:34:22 AM

I'm not attracted to men my age at all, OP. I'm attracted to men your age, but unfortunately, they're attracted to 20-somethings. And therein lies the problem with dating ;)

If I'm perfectly honest with myself, I'm not really interested in dating or having a relationship. My profile says otherwise, but he's going to have to be some spectacular slice of man-candy to get my attention. I realize a lot of my disinterest is lack of hormones -- you know, that drive to find the perfect sperm donor to make beautiful children? I imagine something along those same lines happens to men.

I've just accepted the fact that I'll probably be alone for the rest of my life, but I'm actually okay with that. Relationships just seem to be too much work and way too much drama.

I could have written this. I totally agree. I suspect this will be my path going forward.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 98
Has anyone decided to opt out of dating all together [over 40]
Posted: 7/9/2015 7:44:52 AM
so, generally, men don't want the drama, they just want to get the sex, and women don't want...the drama of men trying to get the sex.

sounds pretty straightforward :)
 Like2dance
Joined: 4/13/2013
Msg: 100
view profile
History
Has anyone decided to opt out of dating all together [over 40]
Posted: 7/9/2015 12:43:52 PM
Take a break OP until you really want to get out there again. Then get out and meet younger women to whom your find yourself attracted IRL.

Several years ago I gave up looking for love on dating sites because most of the women were looking only for men about their own profile age or younger. Then, to top it off they were lying about their ages and their weights in their profiles. Real life has always been a very different story and works very well, at least for me.

As to being 44 and not feeling any chemistry for women in their 40's when I started dating again in my early fifties the oldest any woman was when I started dating her was 41 so I definitely know where you are coming from. Just wait until you are a bit older and women your age are menopausal and post menopausal. Grandchildren and cats are their obsessions and they are almost always either overweight or skinny and wrinkled. Brrrr!
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  >