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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > people who come and go in our lives      Home login  
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 14
Ex'sPage 2 of 2    (1, 2)
Exes can still be good friends. I have an ex of 30 years whom I am still very good friends with. There's no set rules that says you cannot speak to or have contact with someone you no longer date.
Joined: 3/13/2015
Msg: 15
people who come and go in our lives
Posted: 7/9/2015 3:03:57 PM
What about you? Do you just hate all your exes and couldn't care less how they're doing, or do you wonder about them and if they ever straightened their lives out or how they've been doing?
Why is not liking your exes related to not caring how they are doing? I don't dislike any of my exes, but I have no interest in them, so how they are doing or anything else about them is of no interest to me, either way. They are all people in my past who have no reason to be in my present or future.
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 16
people who come and go in our lives
Posted: 7/9/2015 5:17:13 PM
scorpiohippychick- I only have one ex.
I don't consider my relationships before I married at 20 to be anything serious enough to think about.
My ex is a little boy in a mans suit, he is selfish and self absorbed and he got that way for a reason. He has a very unhealthy attachment to his mother, who admitted to me when we were married that she thinks he can do no wrong.
Revisiting that takes me to a bad place, so I do all I can to not revisit the torture I subjected myself to for so long.
I tried, more than once, to maintain civil contact because we share children, but he always makes it about him and I can not keep doing it.
He's 52, if he hasn't grown up by now, he isn't going to.
In another thread I said I don't understand why people stay in contact with ex's, if it's over it's over.
I still think TOO much involvement with an ex is not a good thing.
However, I realize that my situation influenced my opinion.
Sometimes people can have civil break ups, they just realize that they weren't working as a couple, but check in now and then to make sure the other is ok.
I'm realizing now that not everyone has an unhealthy ex and sometimes they keep in touch, I see now if that works for everyone, and they truly aren't tempted to get back with the ex, then go for it.
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 17
view profile
people who come and go in our lives
Posted: 7/9/2015 5:35:04 PM
Don't have a long list.

One is my ex, and still mother of my children. I don't care what she does in her life, we just coordinate as required.

One is among a small set of people (a package deal) who I would be happy never to hear from again. No hate, not even a whisper of it. Too much negative history, and zero human compatibility.
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 18
people who come and go in our lives
Posted: 7/9/2015 5:35:35 PM
when people check outta my Life they don't check back in. No exceptions
I joined FB and it was like the ghost of Xmas past - I mean did they check daily? Shudder
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 19
view profile
people who come and go in our lives
Posted: 7/9/2015 5:39:23 PM
I only have one ex I wouldn't speak to, it's a long story but he's a horrid person. The rest when I've seen them we speak, say hi, there's nothing in common to go further with nor do I want any other contact with them, nor them with me I assume, but no I don't hate any of them, except the one and I don't waste my time thinking about him except when something like this comes up, mostly I don't think of him at all. I don't have any reason to date anyone who would be so overly harmed by me knowing men from before and speaking to them, I wouldn't bother with someone with such deep issues as thinking he was being wronged that I might speak to men.
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 20
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people who come and go in our lives
Posted: 7/9/2015 6:08:00 PM
I am only in contact with my ex-husband because of our daughter. He is always trying to "worm" his way back into my life in a more personal way, even though he lives with a woman he is miserably unhappy with. Every time he suggest something (like a "family" outing), I firmly tell him that "I have no desire to reconstitute the dysfunctional family situation" that led to our separation and divorce (almost 25) years ago, and that he is also being disrespectful of the woman he lives with.

As for two other exes -- one I have tried to contact after I learned his older sister had passed on -- to give my condolences -- and my phone call was met with vitriol -- so I never contacted him again. The other....well, he's not mentally stable, and I have no desire to have any contact with him.
Joined: 7/20/2014
Msg: 21
people who come and go in our lives
Posted: 7/10/2015 12:41:48 AM
Great responses! I do have one ex with whom I'm still good friends. He was my H.S. sweetheart and my first husband. We did get back together years later for about a year, but it was a long distance thing and just didn't work for me. We still talk on the phone and I do visit him when I go to Portland. I live 4 hours from there, but my son lives there.

I agree that some exes are exes for a reason and I have no desire to get in contact with them.
Joined: 1/1/2015
Msg: 22
people who come and go in our lives
Posted: 7/10/2015 6:51:18 PM
My ex-husband and I are friends. We cooperate and collaborate well. We see eye-to-eye on parenting our daughter Claire, age 25. Together we celebrate Christmas, Thanksgiving, Mother's and Father's Days and all three birthdays as a little family of three.

Two former boyfriends are my friends and hiking partners. I'm a forgiving person. I don't believe in holding grudges. I believe grudge-holding just hurts the person holding the grudge.

Most importantly, I surround myself with positive people. Mean and negative people are out of my life.
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 23
people who come and go in our lives
Posted: 7/11/2015 6:33:03 AM
I'm indifferent to my ex-husband and don't bother him other than once or twice a year to let him know how our son is doing. I usually use USPS. He has both my and our boy's email address; I don't think he has used either. I know he hasn't emailed me. The last time I saw him, he wanted sex 'for old time's sake' and my reaction was a WTF moment. I politely declined. At least, I think I was polite; I didn't yell, cuss, or question his sanity.

I know how to reach one or two past boyfriends but don't bother them; we've all moved on. Life isn't lived in the past. There are a couple that, if they lived a few streets over I would go an renew our friendship (only the friendship).
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 24
view profile
people who come and go in our lives
Posted: 7/11/2015 12:04:07 PM
Travis Tritt:
It's been fifteen years since I left home
Said good luck to every seed I'd sown
Gave it my best and then I left it alone,
Oh, I hope they're doin' alright.
Joined: 3/28/2014
Msg: 25
people who come and go in our lives
Posted: 7/12/2015 6:08:51 AM
Apparently, some people do not come and go, but come and recede, get put in a dormant box. I do not know why they cannot just be let go.

I guess if it was a stupendous person and we had some celestial bond, maybe it would be possible, but ime, I just felt I outgrew the behaviors that led to the demise, on both sides. Some of these exes did quite well. I wish I could say I cared but no, I am left most of the time feeling it was many lifetimes ago and if I saw them on the street, I might not feel a thing, nor recognize them.

I believe in burning that bridge when it is truly broken. No regrets or missing that. There was a guy who I did not last long with but thought there was an unusual bond. He never really did anything wrong, so I have no bad feelings. Ultimately he was indifferent or passive, focusing on his career, so I do not blame him, but also have no lingering feelings, nor should things continue, when they were never solid to begin with.

I view the ability to morph a ltr into a platonic friend as a bit strange. I guess I just want newness, not the same retreads.

I tried once but then he did it again, revealed who he was, vindictive, etc.
I now conclude I simply have no interest. Either I just view it as finished or they remind me why it was broken and it continues to irritate me.

Imo, people who need to hang on seem like they are holding on for some reason like a back up if they get desperate, ie. alone, or they like nostalgia more than I might. That part might be nice, if it didn't mean revisiting the relationship.

When I date someone and he is really best buddies with exes, it just seems unatttractive, like a stagnant pool of energy.
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 26
people who come and go in our lives
Posted: 7/12/2015 3:52:44 PM
I prefer to move FORWARD after a relationship. I have no desire to revisit them or catch up with them.

I don't hate them, but I just as soon live for today and hope the best for my future.

i'm letting sleeping dog-ettes lie.
Joined: 7/20/2014
Msg: 27
people who come and go in our lives
Posted: 7/14/2015 8:06:29 PM
Yeah, for the most part, I don't give people who have come and gone another thought, but I just thought of another one.

I was with this guy for about 3 years who had 700 acres and decided to put a herd of buffalo on his land. He knew nothing about buffalo and they started dying. Every summer he lost about 3. Buffalo calves are very expensive. I wonder if he ever figured out what was killing them.

His daughter and I have stayed friends. The next time I talk to her, I'll ask her. Her dad is not one of her fondest people, so she probably doesn't know though.
Joined: 8/5/2014
Msg: 28
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people who come and go in our lives
Posted: 7/16/2015 2:15:50 PM
I'd be perfectly comfortable re-connecting with most most of my ex-boyfriends, because we were just not compatible enough for long-term but had fun together and at least a few things in common. One or two were too weird, but overall, most were decent guys.

I connect with my ex-husband about our kids, and I imagine I always will. I am interested in his well-being b/c of the kids.
Joined: 7/20/2014
Msg: 29
people who come and go in our lives
Posted: 8/14/2015 10:58:43 AM
I'm not sure what to do about my latest ex who wants to stay friends. When we broke up a few weeks ago he pi$$ed my off to the point of blocking him on my email and on my phone.

A couple days ago, he called my landline and said he had a few of my things, one of which is a bottle of prescription medicine. He wanted to bring the stuff over and get the few things he left here. I told him I had my grandson all week. I didn't want to talk in front of him (in case ex starts raising his voice and being inappropriate again. ) He asked me to unblock him on my phone. I said I would if he would remain polite. So this morning, I get a text from him asking me if I want anything from Costco.

I do want my medicine but it's not one I take every day. It's not like I am in a rush to get it. I don't really want to hear from him after this exchange but I don't want to be completely rude. I guess saying "so we shouldn't have any need to text or call each other after today. Good luck "

Joined: 7/23/2015
Msg: 30
people who come and go in our lives
Posted: 8/14/2015 9:57:27 PM
My ex called me tonight and we had a great time just talking--wasn't long and just enough to let me know he cares for me as a person--I see nothing wrong with that and there is no way I'd ever be back in a relationship with him.

My children's father is dead and my second husband is where he can harm no one --and it's weird that I don't care or think about them --it's like they are part of a buried past that I moved on from long ago.

I normally stay friends with people--my goal has always been that if someone I was ever with was to think of me it would be with a smile on their face...
Joined: 7/20/2014
Msg: 31
people who come and go in our lives
Posted: 8/15/2015 12:52:28 AM
That's nice that you can do that. If they act like a grown up after the break up and don't start name calling and acting like a high school kid, I wouldn't have a problem thinking of an ex with a smile on my face.
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 32
people who come and go in our lives
Posted: 8/15/2015 10:06:31 AM
Let me tell you, if you get old enough they all come and go.

I need to find younger friends now.
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 33
people who come and go in our lives
Posted: 8/15/2015 10:22:09 AM

Let me tell you, if you get old enough they all come and go.

That's the truth. I've had more people I know pass away in the last year or so.

Kind of sobering to be reminded of your mortality regularly. ymmv
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 34
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people who come and go in our lives
Posted: 8/21/2015 5:41:44 PM
Me, too, crookcatcher. And I get creeped out....bigtime....when I see the names of younger people I know in the obituary page. Sad...some folks work very hard all their lives and don't even live to collect EARLY Social Security (like my Dad, who died at the same age I am now).
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 35
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people who come and go in our lives
Posted: 8/25/2015 2:36:45 PM
I understand Michelesq -- When I called one former to express my condolences on the loss of his sister, he cursed me something awful....and I was not the cause of the breakup...he broke up with ME because he was seeing someone simultaneously while seeing me (they lived 15 minutes apart -- he and I lived two hours apart). I had no clue...until she called me......maybe it was his guilt...IDK.....and it really doesn't matter.
Joined: 3/29/2014
Msg: 36
people who come and go in our lives
Posted: 9/2/2015 6:45:44 PM
I still have periodic contact with my ex-husband because we are both in close contact with our adult son. My ex has a life-threatening disease so I, occasionally, wonder how he's doing and there have been times over the years since the divorce that we ended up being the person taking the other to the hospital when no one else was available. Our divorce was amicable, there's no animosity, so we retain a utilitarian relationship; I have no interest in becoming part of his 'regular' life again.

My 'first love' was the one that I wondered about over the years but he died 6 years ago.

There are a few men I dated that I'm mildly curious how they are and what they're up to but not enough to want to contact them.

Only one man that I tried to remain friends with after the romantic relationship dissolved because I thought he was working on resolving the issue that caused us to break up. Turns out that's not the case. I go through long periods of time not caring but then something trips the trigger and the longing starts again. Problem is he is so physically attractive to me that, well, memories of him play staring role in my daydreams during this long dry spell I've been in. I Know (capital K) that there is no future with him, but with this much energy around memories, hate is not the reason I don't stay in touch.
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 37
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people who come and go in our lives
Posted: 9/2/2015 7:05:40 PM
Yes I had a younger sister pass away many years ago and my parents are now both gone so three quarters of my family have passed over. It is one of the things we have to deal with if we live to a certain age for sure. However I believe in the afterlife and that we don't really die so whether they go before they can collect their retirement funds or whatever, I know they are having a better life in spirit. IMO.

I do have friends of all ages including young children and I think that is life affirming.
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