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 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 42
Can I have some opinions on this please?Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)

From the opinions I got, I have made up my mind anyway that online dating is not for me.


You're 26. You're much better off meeting people in real life. Online is better suited for when you get older and attractive women stop going to clubs and are too busy in a career.
 DietFree
Joined: 11/1/2012
Msg: 43
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History
Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/10/2015 1:30:33 PM
I see that the op got rid of some photos....he should get rid of the one that sports a tattoo on his skeleton arm.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 44
Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/10/2015 1:56:26 PM
1) Perception is in the eye of the beholder, not the advertiser. As much as you may feel another party is a liar for stating specific points in their profile, they can (and do) find a lot of BS in what you claim about yourself as well. Why? Because dating profiles is ADVERTISING. It's an image created to get you to answer the 'ad', nothing more. It's doesn't have to be true to your opinions or anyone else's.

2) People in here see things from their own perspective. Many, many believe they are completely 'average' no matter how much better or worse they are than the true median for the population. A runner believes everyone should be jogging a bit for exercise, a boater believes everyone should know how to navigate somewhat on the water, stuff like that. The perception of body size is a great example. Some people who work with rail-thin models at an agency or photo studio may see themselves as 'fat' when they are easily within the realm of a healthy or athletic size. It's not 'wrong' in their eyes - it's how they see themselves.

3) Recognizing how others see the world, as well as your own biases, is how you begin to understand the differences in communication, and how you begin to understand just how humbling or humiliating the whole online experience can be. You ARE just one fish is a rather large ocean, and your size and value to the rest of the world is probably substantially less than you think. Just about everyone in here has had to learn that lesson at one time or another.

4) Failing to plan properly for a date is done at your own peril. That includes payment or other incidentals. Leaving stuff 'open' to the possibilities means you have accepted the cost of doing so. Not our fault or anyone else's if they insist on a catered hot air balloon ride after happy hour. You ALWAYS have the right to say "No." Use it.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 45
Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/10/2015 2:06:39 PM

jfh1989:
I think I am not entirely out of order making this post either, I didn't use her name and her blocked status means she won't see this post either.


If you believe that is how the Forums work....... ROTFLMAO.....

Also, You're not Ripped, just another Mousy Little Runt of the Litter........
 J3LV3HL_WV3JP
Joined: 4/5/2015
Msg: 46
Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/10/2015 2:08:33 PM

CharminC wrote:

I'm 5'4, 135 pounds in size 8-10 (which is loose on me) clothes. Am I average??


In all fairness, 5'4" and 135lbs is a little chunky by "society" standards. However, that's pretty much exactly what I consider perfect.
 irishgirl772
Joined: 6/3/2013
Msg: 47
Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/10/2015 2:11:33 PM
^^This is not chunky at all. A woman would be around a 6 or 8 at this size.
 motowncowgirl
Joined: 3/24/2015
Msg: 50
Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/10/2015 2:29:05 PM
^^^ LMAO
another day on the forums.
 shirleywonton01
Joined: 4/30/2015
Msg: 52
Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/10/2015 3:00:35 PM
I think you were too nice. I would have said thanks but no thanks, we aren't a match, good bye. If she asked, I would have told her the truth.....YOU LIED ABOUT YOUR BODY TYPE.

You are getting attacks here with subterfuge because most of these posters don't take care of themselves, don't have the emotional tools to take care of themselves, their bodies are not very presentable. Large out of shape body types is a hot topic here, lol.
 shirleywonton01
Joined: 4/30/2015
Msg: 55
Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/10/2015 3:34:26 PM
^^^Exactly. Like I said you were too nice. I rarely date from online but I have no problem checking them out from a distance and then walking right out the door. I owe nothing to a liar and a stranger and they are lucky I walked away because I have no problem telling them I don't appreciate my time being wasted etc...
 runningout
Joined: 8/19/2008
Msg: 56
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History
Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/10/2015 4:41:33 PM
I don't quite understand what your upset rant was about. I get that you were upset that she misrepresented herself, however, "average" is an obscure term. I have average listed, but my pant size is like 6-8. I don't consider myself thin or athletic, so I don't have many options. Back to you being upset. I get that you didn't want to come across as rude, but you blocked her and you have no intention of seeing her again, so do you really care about being rude? I personally believe that if everyone were to meet people and then get there and find out they lied/misrepresented themselves, they should turn and walk away. Then the liars/misrepresenters wouldn't keep doing it. Then you go ahead and buy her a drink(s). For what purpose?

Moving forward, don't have "dates". Have quick 15 or so minute meetings and then decide if you want to go on a real date. As well, maybe move it to Skype so you can get a feel for her body type.

Good luck OP.
 antirepublican
Joined: 12/31/2014
Msg: 58
Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/10/2015 5:02:51 PM

I agree with you there. As a short person, it strikes me as bizarre that it's OK for a woman to specify she's not into short men, but it's beyond the pale for a man not to want a fat woman. An adult can't grow any taller than they are. A fat person can always lose weight.


It is that way because women need it to be that way. That's how they operate, especially these days. Women despise and punish those who are disadvantaged by genetics or happen-stance but praise weakness of character and lack of conscience, even among themselves. A girl whose eyes are a little too far apart or whose nose is just a little too crooked will be relentlessly and savagely criticized but a girl who stuffs herself to explosion or drinks herself into violent rages are above criticism.

Other ways this phenomenon shows itself:

Ever notice that a man with bushy eyebrows is creepy but violent felons behind prison walls are "sweet but misunderstood"?

Ever notice that women who brutally murder their children are loving mothers who were making a cry for help?

That is just the way they are. I don't want to get too Evo Psych on this one because I don't really buy it, but it is not unreasonable to think that women evolved this way because in pre history a physical defect could be fatal to the entire tribe but a moral failing could be a survival advantage or at least could be dealt with.
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 59
Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/10/2015 5:15:50 PM


I thought I would accept her offer of a date.


Well, what do you mean by offer? If it was an invite, you could have played dating rule #247, the you invited so you pay rule.

FYI, the few times I've tried it on the very rare times a gal invited me out? I got the stink eye :(

I only do that btw if they act foo foo on the date.



now she is trying to milk the date, probably knowing it's the last time she will see me


Milking the date? WTF?

For drinks? Doubtful. Now, if she wanted another appetizer or upgrade the date to a full blown dinner? Yeah, ok, MAYBE she's milking it.

That being said, any time I've had a negative dating experience? I politely end the date and say, It was nice meeting you. Thank you for your time. May I walk you to your car?

Actually, I end most dates that way, but if I did not enjoy the date, I won't ask for a 2nd date.



Has this happened to anyone else? (I know it has)
What do you think of this situation and is there a way I can tell for future reference to save myself wasted time and money?


What do I think?

I guess I'm not horny enough to care if a gal shows up 40lbs overweight.

I'm always cordial anyway. I figure she'll lose 10lbs with ever glass :) (rolling my eyes).

Now if she crosses the 50lb line? I'll be too drunk to drive so that's a dealbreaker.

Seriously? You can always ask for a full body picture before meeting too. I really don't like asking for those since they make me feel like a dirty old man, YMMV, but I don't blame either gender for clarifying what's MISSING from a picture (rated G of course).

That's why I meet for an inexpensive date anyway.

I think you need to relax.

You act as if Sofia Vergara or Christie Brinkley was expected. Damn...
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 60
Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/10/2015 5:19:56 PM
well Op since you aren't making oodles of friends here I do suggest you change your MAIN ( the sunnies are against the TOS and can be grounds for reporting and getting your profile removed.)
And now you have learned a life lesson - ask for opinions you will get them :/
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 61
Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/10/2015 5:22:34 PM


I'm 5'4, 135 pounds in size 8-10 (which is loose on me) clothes. Am I average??


Hell no! Hehehehhee
 BillyBuckshot14
Joined: 10/30/2014
Msg: 62
Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/10/2015 5:41:52 PM

It's always the man's fault right?

Yup

Not the woman who misrepresented herself and lied to me though?

Women never lie.

Listen OP. Men lie about their height and income while women lie about their weight and age. Average usually means overweight and I would venture to say that the more often than not will women magically pack on anywhere from 30-100 pounds over night as compared to their pictures (which are 10 years old). To avoid the problem just set your search criteria to thin and/or athletic. Also, look for the least attractive pic and then dial your expectations down from there. This advice should help take care of some of your issue.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 63
Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/10/2015 6:42:59 PM
jih1989- I'm not so sure every one is upset with your preferences as much as they are with how you come across.
Personally, I think you did the right thing by not walking out.
It isn't ok to lie, but it isn't ok to be cruel either.
But then, here, in you post you say..........
"She is overweight and instead of looking for over weight men in her league, she is trying to go for attractive men".
What people find attractive or unattractive is subjective.
YOU don't find overweight women attractive, that does NOT mean they aren't attractive, they just aren't attractive to you.
There are people who do find BBW attractive (both sexes).
If a women, or man, is BBW and confident and a good person, many will find them attractive because it isn't all about weight for them.
You have a right to be attracted to who you are attracted to.
You went wrong in saying you were a gentleman (which you were, on the date)
and then coming here and being so snide.
It's a conflicting message.
If you weren't attracted to her, that's how you felt, but coming here and ripping her to shreds isn't going to win everyone over very well, as you now know.
Limit your profile to people who have thin/athletic as their body type.
Also, get out there and meet people IRL, no one can deceive you about how they look when you can see them from the beginning.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 64
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History
Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/10/2015 7:16:32 PM
Been put in that position myself. I had one say she had just a few pounds to loose, and was active. Then she showed up for our meet using a cane, and was at least 150 pounds overweight. The full body shots were quite old. How you decide to act on a date is your business.

Now, you're built the same way I am. Long and lean. Exercise will make you stronger, but I doubt that you'll fill out any more than I did. We're deceptive looking. I can't tell you how many times people said to me-"you don't look that strong", as I stand there with a two hundred pound post on my shoulder. ( for you, that about 90 kilo or 14 stone). Sure, it would be nice if we bulked out and looked muscular. But, in doing so you'd stand to tear up some joints in the process. You'll just have live with how your built. If it's any consolation, I've know for years that us lean guys have a lot more stamina, than the muscular ones.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 65
Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/10/2015 8:07:26 PM
he saw something he didn't like. simple

he says he works out, and his picture clearly shows no bulging bicep. so apparently he mis-reps like his date does. turns out to be a match after all.

he continued with date, so he wouldn't feel like the bad guy. mission accomplished. again, simple.

not a whole lot to see here.
 runningout
Joined: 8/19/2008
Msg: 66
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History
Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/10/2015 8:42:23 PM
I did not read all of the posts, but I did see a post from the OP that said he did not work out traditionally and what he did was not divulgable. In his profile, he says he does muay tai. Is this not a form of kick boxing
 newoldgirl
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 67
Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/10/2015 8:47:01 PM
OP, you have every right to your preferences, and it doesn't make you shallow.

You have learned that people lie on their profiles. Many men lie about age and height. I always ask a man VERY directly before meeting if there are any "exaggerations" on his profile, and I ask for recent pics. I provide same. This is not rude, and if someone says no, then...next!

Most likely, she intentionally lied, but as some people noted, she might have been a little bit in denial. Some people look in the mirror and think they look great! Occasionally they are right! LOL.


now she is trying to milk the date, probably knowing it's the last time she will see me


Did it occur to you that maybe she liked you, and wanted to spend some time drinking and chatting with you? I don't know why you would assume her main motivation in life is free drinks! Since you didn't say anything about body type, it's possible she didn't know you had strong feelings about it. I understand that you weren't attracted to her; I don't understand you sort of implying that she should have known she had no chance with you. She has self-confidence. That's not a bad thing.
 2ufo
Joined: 2/28/2015
Msg: 68
Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/11/2015 5:03:29 AM
Was she?
Was your date 200 pounds heavier than her photos seemed to indicate?

People have different perceptions of themselves and they also have hopes of getting into better shape particularly if they have a boyfriend/girlfriend to do things with.

When she said that you looked better than your photos - that was the time to mention 'you look heavier'. She probably expected it then. Maybe there was a reasonable reason - she just got her leg out of the cast and was going to take up running again (for example) or perhaps she'd just broken up with her boyfriend you only took her to expensive dinners. No, it probably wasn't a temporary weight gain - but you don't know that.

To avoid it in the future, mention your preferences/deal-breakers on your profile -- I think the best way I saw it on someone's profile was 'I prefer to outweigh my women'.

As for your actions - yes, you seem to be a bit of a passive-aggressive player; you didn't tell her why you blocked her (passive) but you come here and create a thread about overweight people lying and how you were put upon by an overweight person with old photos in her profile (aggressive).

As for your assumption that fat people should only seek out fat people (i.e. remain in 'their league'), you're an idiot. Do not make the assumption that your 'standards' are universal. I'm 5'8", 250 pounds and built like a cylinder (i.e. not a lot of 'cleavage'); I've had 13 marriage proposals (divorced - should have waited for #14 - LOL!), and more (non-OLD) propositions than I can remember. My favorite men have all been lean, lanky men and only my husband was even marginally overweight.
 motowncowgirl
Joined: 3/24/2015
Msg: 69
Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/11/2015 5:54:37 AM

You went wrong in saying you were a gentleman (which you were, on the date)
and then coming here and being so snide.

wait. whut???

there has never, EVER been *any* shortage of women here making snide remarks about their dates that went awry because of some dumb thing the guy did. he ate with his hands. he used his fork like a shovel. he lectured me through his missing front tooth. he leered. he asked for a loan. he wanted to toss my salad, but I said not on the first date just who do you think you are. he was a window-licker and a lousy tipper. he tried to steal my necklace. these threads naturally become a collective snort-fest for all the ladies present, with their hands in their laps and their legs crossed at the ankles. so why is OP being raked over the coals for being 'so snide'?

LMFAO.
 BLonde^J^AngeL
Joined: 6/16/2015
Msg: 70
Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/11/2015 1:51:44 PM
u were not attracted to a woman who misrepresented herself on POF

Take a number please.

Try dating from IRL or MEETUP so u can check out the goods FIRST.
 sibyll01
Joined: 7/1/2015
Msg: 71
Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/12/2015 1:55:47 AM
Same thing happened to me only the dude-was a 400 pound-Whale! Wow! On his profile, he'd displayed pictures only from the neck-up & described himself a "a few lbs. overweight" but there he was! Although I was, now-totally uncomfortable; I was honest with him in the fact that I had not expected to be SO SUPER SIZE . He showed absolutely no remorse for his failure to disclose his real size & actually seemed to take delight in my apparent discomfort as I made it clear that I would not be staying. "Ohhh Please Stay for just a quick drink?!" he pleaded[sic] so as it would be a long drive back home for me, I conceded. After the quickest coffee ever ingested, I stood up to make a hasty get away; sensing my movement, "whale-man "made a quick grab in a clumsy lurching attempt to plant "a good-night kiss" on my face but I was faster:} Oh Gross. Another time, waiting for my "Date", I heard the knock at door & grabbed my purse, set to go... Opened the door & no one was there? Until I looked "down" that is; poor [little]dude was barely 5 feet -tall; I'm 5'10" in bare feet; nearly 6' with heels. OMG! I just burst out laughing , there was nothing else to say.
Advice:
Now, people have felt 'insulted" & called me, A Bit*h- for Strongly Insisting On A SKYPE CHAT before any dates were made &/or precious time was wasted in pursuit of something that I didn't want. I don't care as it's small price to pay to avoid a perfectly awkward & unpleasent situation.
 Olivoil
Joined: 5/3/2015
Msg: 72
Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/12/2015 5:38:50 AM
She may have been thinking "I may as well let him buy me drinks, he is a lot dorkier than his pictures in real life"...:)

Body dysmorphic disorder...when one doesn't see themselves as they really are in terms of size. Could be that she suffers from this, and that she is not in fact a liar.
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