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 LadyEssKay
Joined: 2/13/2015
Msg: 74
Can I have some opinions on this please?Page 4 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)

It was disgraceful the way she lied to me and then proceeded to order drinks as though she had done nothing wrong.


Disgraceful indeed! What she should have done at first sight of you is immediately lie down on the ground prone, gotten into a cross formation and begged for forgiveness. Isn't that what all people who are a few pounds over supposed to do when someone gives them attention?


Now imagine you offered to buy him a drink and he offered one of the more expensive drinks on the menu. I doubt you would take that lightly.


I TOTES wouldn't take that lightly. I mean, why order a glass of wine when the pub surely has tap water on hand! The nerve of some people.....ordering a glass of wine.....in a pub of all places....I think you would be completely justified in faking going to the bathroom and pulling a runner on her, with you being an upfront and honest person and all.....

Boy oh boy, I think someone dodged a huge bullet on that fateful day, OP. *winky face*
 runningout
Joined: 8/19/2008
Msg: 75
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Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/12/2015 6:03:01 AM
If anyone thinks less of you Siby because you refuse to make a pity date to prevent hurting a liar's feelings, then so be it. People should not misrepresent themselves. As for the above poster who mentioned the medical condition, there may be a 1% that suffer from that on here. What the majority suffer/bank on, is that after talking for a bit, you will "like them as a person" and the lie won't matter or you won't have the balls to walk out of a date in a public place. I wonder how many of these people would continue the date, if the person lied and was actually the same gender as themselves?
 Eternitygracesme
Joined: 5/18/2015
Msg: 76
Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/12/2015 6:20:03 AM

Same thing happened to me only the dude-was a 400 pound-Whale! Wow! On his profile, he'd displayed pictures only from the neck-up & described himself a "a few lbs. overweight" but there he was! Although I was, now-totally uncomfortable; I was honest with him in the fact that I had not expected to be SO SUPER SIZE . He showed absolutely no remorse for his failure to disclose his real size & actually seemed to take delight in my apparent discomfort as I made it clear that I would not be staying.


Ask for current, full-body photos.

Skype is also very helpful.
 ThePig0fYourDreams
Joined: 2/2/2015
Msg: 77
Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/12/2015 6:27:31 AM


Now, people have felt 'insulted" & called me, A Bit*h- for Strongly Insisting On A SKYPE CHAT before any dates were made &/or precious time was wasted in pursuit of something that I didn't want. I don't care as it's small price to pay to avoid a perfectly awkward & unpleasent situation.


I would only insist if I were given reason to be skeptical. (hasn't happened yet, though) If you *have* been duped before, then I don't blame you for wanting this. I'd rather someone do this than continue being fooled over and over, then whine about it, knowing it can be avoided.
 loveisatemple
Joined: 3/28/2014
Msg: 78
Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/12/2015 6:49:35 AM
No, this never happened to me. Everybody I met blind was of normal size, some attractive to me, some not really at all.

This seems to be a man's worst nightmare.
So do things other than relying on face pics.

However, I find it funny how traumatizing sitting with a fat person is, like it damages your reputation or something.
Why not have a drink and move on, even treat her as a person.

It is not the end of the world that you need to feel massively wronged.

I would view it as just another "no" situation, not any different than no chemistry.
 QuirkyTeacher
Joined: 12/24/2013
Msg: 79
Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/12/2015 6:51:37 AM

Her profile says her body type is average


This is subjective. In the United States, the "average" size of a woman is 14. However, I know plenty of men who would run in the opposite direction if met with a size 14 woman. So, if your preference is to date someone who is not overweight, you should have asked for a full body photo.

I am very attracted to a man's nice white smile, so if they're not smiling in any of their photos, I always ask for one where they are smiling. I can't be upset at how a person's teeth looks if I've not told them my preferences and I didn't ask for photos.


she goes on to order a £5 glass of wine


Is this a lot of money? You can't offer to pay and then be upset with what she ordered. If you plan on paying for the date, go to a place where you'd be comfortable paying for the most expensive thing on the menu.


She is overweight and instead of looking for overweight men who are in her league, she is trying to go for attractive men.


How do you know what she goes for? I'm sure you presented yourself as a decent person. Looks may have had little to do with why she chose to go out on a date with you. Maybe she liked the fact you claimed to not play games. Maybe it was the fact you pretended to be gentlemanly.


I obviously blocked her number on my phone and on POF and refused any more contact with her. It was mainly due to her lying.


She posted the most flattering photo of herself online, and you liked it. You didn't say you warned her that you don't like to date fatties. You didn't say that she showed up and was a different person. You didn't say that she'd gained weight since the photo. You admit that she just took a head shot. This isn't lying.

Lying would be pretending a date is going well and acting like you're interested when you're not.

I think that at least after the date you should have told her that you felt like she misrepresented herself. Maybe she is new to online dating and doesn't realize how big of a factor weight is to others. I surely didn't know before I got back into the dating pool.
 Eternitygracesme
Joined: 5/18/2015
Msg: 80
Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/12/2015 7:11:26 AM

Now, people have felt 'insulted" & called me, A Bit*h- for Strongly Insisting On A SKYPE CHAT before any dates were made &/or precious time was wasted in pursuit of something that I didn't want. I don't care as it's small price to pay to avoid a perfectly awkward & unpleasent situation.


You're smart.
 Eternitygracesme
Joined: 5/18/2015
Msg: 81
Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/12/2015 7:20:58 AM


I would only insist if I were given reason to be skeptical. (hasn't happened yet, though) If you *have* been duped before, then I don't blame you for wanting this.


One doesn't have to get duped or tricked to insist this. It may be better for one to know what they are dealing with, before meeting the other. Skype doesn't tell the whole story -- but it can determine more or less if somebody's posted photos are a close representation of what they are now.

My partner and I knew each other a long time ago and he spotted me on the site and contacted me. We decided to skype to have a chat after our first call to plan. Still, it was a good idea to kind of get a sense of each other before we met.
 newoldgirl
Joined: 4/16/2015
Msg: 82
Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/12/2015 6:37:53 PM

Same thing happened to me only the dude-was a 400 pound-Whale!


I agree we all have our preferences, and I agree that lying on the profile is completely out of line.

I don't think it is very kind to refer to another human being as a whale. Not sure why folks feel the need to do that.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 83
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Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/12/2015 9:50:28 PM

I obviously blocked her number on my phone and on POF and refused any more contact with her. It was mainly due to her lying.

I would hope it was purely due to her lying. If she looked like her picture and she At Least said "A few extra lbs", then you would have been a jerk. Or better put, weird to suddenly not like her because she was fat (when you knew so).

I mean, what do women think when they put "average" down as a body type when they are actually fat?

The false rationalization goes like this: "Average is a general term, so I fit that notion because the average girl is pretty overweight." But where Average is placed in the index, it's in-between Athletic & a Few Extra Pounds. So Average basically means you're carrying LESS than extra noticeable weight. But one doesn't like to think it like that. Also, many people HAVE been Average and just think they need to do a little jogging "this summer" and it'll come off, and falsely think they're pretty much just Average -- when in fact, they let themselves go much further than they think.

Oh and apparantly I am "shallow" because I don't want to date bigger women. Funnily enough, she is the shallow one. She is overweight and instead of looking for overweight men who are in her league, she is trying to go for attractive men.

No, you're not shallow. You're actually Less shallow than gals not wanting to date guys who are notably below average height. At least with a gal who's quite plump, she can lose that weight, as in your case show how she Can be healthy/attractive -- but not in that case. Nothing wrong with being unattracted to that, as that's not as superficial as other things that others can't manage but people block out. And yes, great point -- she was putting up her better-looking photos from the past to get more attractive women. If it shouldn't matter -- then she should have put up her current ones.

But only a fool would call you shallow for disliking her for that and/or being attracted to her given all that.

I always walk out on a woman if she EXPECTS me to pay

Oooooh, not cool, man. :) That's pretty harsh meaning you walk out on the bill and put it on her! lol You Should be Expected to pay if you asked to take her out, and she shouldn't be worth writing off if the date went well if it could be interpreted/implied that you were asking to take her out (and say, just asked her out). But yeah, if she Expects to be Financially Supported by a guy on virtually every date and only has bad excuses like "But if I become bf/gf with the guy, I'll iron his clothes though, and cook him dinner from time to time as he continues to financially support me on dates," then I can understand not being interested. In my own personal tastes, my tolerance/comfort-zone varies.

if she offers to pay then I'll pay for the whole thing.

I think you're letting your angst get the best of you... and also giving into the "games". Girls will do the "fake offer", but many don't really mean it. If you take them up on their fake offer, some will Want to pay their share, only out of angst because they don't want to see ya again. Very few, unless staunchly expressed, will want to pay her way, if she's interested in you.

If you feel the gal's not that interested in you, or she was lying/wrong about her profile, etc or bad surprises -- take her up on that offer of splitting it.
 GattoMonstrosis
Joined: 4/4/2013
Msg: 84
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Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/13/2015 12:44:45 AM
Average means different things to different people, you say you spend time working out so you could have a radically different idea of what average is to you than what it is to her, that doesn't make her a liar because she doesn't agree with you, but be that as it may... Didn't you ask for a recent pic? If size is important didn't you at any point think to mention it before meeting?

As for wasting money... Five quid is pretty standard for a glass of wine, if you can't stomach that then what are you even doing dating?

As for your whole "Fat people are shallow because they don't work out" BS, well, it sounds like she dodged a pretty poisonous bullet.
 motowncowgirl
Joined: 3/24/2015
Msg: 85
Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/13/2015 5:59:03 AM

Personally, I do see many examples of errrr ... "bi-gender" consistency and balance in similar situations by at least a few women on this forum.

I see a few of those too, but I was commenting on the more glaring and frequent examples of the exact opposite. but in all honesty I can't be bothered to keep track of what individual posters say here and there, so I wasn't addressing anyone in particular.
 Strawberry_Jello
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 86
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Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/13/2015 7:05:42 AM
Have some compassion for people. I've met men who were flat out uglier than their photos, shorter than me, huge, disabled, etc. They are just hoping to find someone like you are. Be kind, be gentle, be polite.
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 88
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Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/13/2015 3:48:02 PM
OP, I think "Average" is the polite way of saying fat. You want real average, go for athletic, or thin.
 AlphaCuck
Joined: 5/20/2015
Msg: 89
Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/26/2015 9:41:16 AM
Happens more often than not...as well as lying about their age and only posting pictures that are from their younger, thinner days.

Solution:

1. Ask for a picture of them standing and making a sign with their hand like the peace sign/okay sign or something that would probably require a new picture.

2. Only do a quick 10-20 minute meet at a Starbucks or something with the agreed upon lime limit. Get there first and get your drink and wait for them. They can get their own drink and then join you. It's not a date so you aren't paying. If things go well then you can agree on a first date.

3. Be honest with them if they don't look like their pictures. The world is full of sit-com problems created by being a wuss and trying to save someone's feelings only to waste time and wind up hurting them worse and making yourself look like a buffoon.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 90
Can I have some opinions on this please?
Posted: 7/26/2015 10:34:34 AM
I had first dates / meetings with women that were older or heavier than what they claim. I was able to make the most of it and enjoy the activity for about 45 minutes to a hour. Then I left. Yes weight can be subjective to some degree. But average or a "few extra pounds" doesn't equal being obese.
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