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 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 26
Question about intent and here for on profilePage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)

Anyone that sounds too serious makes me break out in hives. I just came out of something serious several years ago, can I be on parole or probation for a while before another sentencing? lmao


It sounds like you still have a lot of baggage because of a relationship that didn't have a fairy tale ending. If it's been several years and you still can't get over it, maybe put off dating all together until you get help to get over it.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 28
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Question about intent and here for on profile
Posted: 7/20/2015 3:43:41 PM

Ok say a person's profile says the intent is for a relationship but for friends it does not make much sense does it? I don't understand just does not seem the two should be able to be selected like that

It can be conflicting, but not necessarily. It's the problem of the site itself. But one can have conflicting results aimed at in the Immediate Sense VS Down the Road. So if one wanted to play the "Friends First" game, they could select Friends in the category selection, yet, looking to be in a relationship in what they're looking for. Most of the time though, it exposes one's mixed feelings. You would expect at least "Dating" if the girl expected their bill paid by the guy, went thru the motions of guy-girl stuff -- even if on a "lite" scale. Actual Friends First re-enacts someone you meet thru a social group of friends and get to know each other there, chit-chat via FB and such, then go out on a Date. Instead, guys will do it to get action-with-little-or-no-strings-attached, and gals will use it to be taken out but also having the escape hatch to bow out with no strings attached at any point. "Hey, we were just friends - we weren't dating," would be the defense of the guy or girl playing the re-enacted FF game.

I think it's the opposite, people who have baggage want to tie someone down pronto, because they feel uncomfortable alone.

Baggage doesn't mean they feel uncomfortable alone. Baggage doesn't indicate wanting to settle down pronto. In fact, much of the time it means the opposite -- they have a lot of sh!t they're dealing with and don't want to deal with the hassles of dating on top of it all, while still dealing with their ex, their herd of kids, etc. Certain types of baggage or certain types of people can motivate them to find someone to cling to, to ride off of, sure. That's more for Dependent women (or guys). An independent woman isn't going to want to to attach onto a guy because she has a lot of drama (baggage) going on.

If she has a lot of internal drama due to past bad relationships, about guys, etc -- an independent woman is more likely Not going to want to attach onto a guy... in fact, you're more likely to see some get a little 'kick' out of using a guy for free meal feedings and attraction-attention once in a while, as opposed to the dependent type of woman who is going to actually want to Actually ride off someone as she emotionally can't support herself so well, especially with added-baggage.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 29
Question about intent and here for on profile
Posted: 7/20/2015 4:23:16 PM

It sounds like you still have a lot of baggage because of a relationship that didn't have a fairy tale ending. If it's been several years and you still can't get over it, maybe put off dating all together until you get help to get over it.

LOL so a woman who takes a healthy break after a relationship and doesn't want to saddle herself into another one right away has to be trying to get over something and is carrying baggage? Alrighty then.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 31
Question about intent and here for on profile
Posted: 7/20/2015 8:00:54 PM

Ok say a person's profile says the intent is for a relationship but for friends it does not make much sense does it? I don't understand just does not seem the two should be able to be selected like that


Perhaps it means start off as friends with possibly of turning into a relationship down the road. If this is important, then people can clarify the intent on the profile. Since this can be subjective.
 OogaBooga68
Joined: 4/14/2015
Msg: 33
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Question about intent and here for on profile
Posted: 7/21/2015 11:34:05 AM
Sorry I'm late to the party...


YES, I take a man's intention seriously. Any thinking woman would. I skip men whose intent states:

"Wants to date but nothing serious"
"Isn't seeking a relationship or any kind of commitment"
Casual dating/no commitment"

This means they want a fvck buddy, casual sex or "friends with benefits" in online-dating speak. The majority of women want a loving relationship.


I have to respectfully disagree with you here, possibly because I'm not jaded/experienced enough with OLD speak. Personally, I'm a low pressure person. I've met relationship minded women, who are completely out of their minds. Introductions to family members, the girlfriend club, coworkers, etc. etc. Within the first 5 dates? The stench of desperation to not die alone is overwhelming. Relax a bit ladies. I can understand the excitement of finding a potential new partner, but ease up a bit, and enjoy taking your time to try to get to know someone. Getting dragged off to meet any of the above groups within the first month of seeing each other is exactly that... A drag.

To address the OLD speak... Sorry to disappoint, but my profile says "wants to date but nothing serious". However, you have to be pretty damn special to get a hold of the family jewels. I'm not out tossing them around like they're Mardi Gras beads. Possibly I'm the only male exception, but I think not. I don't DO FWB, casual sex, or fvckbuddy status... Does this mean I should change my intent to reflect that I'm not a man whore?
I like the idea of casual dating. I can get to know someone without the pressure of worrying about relationship BS. I'm not out looking to find the round peg for the round hole, I'm just out to meet people and see if there is a possible connection. Why would I ever want to project anything else? I'm not desperate. I'm dating. I'm completely open to having/starting a relationship IF I meet someone I consider spectacular.


"I want to find someone to marry" is a bit scary. This feels serious and intense. Too much, too soon.


I completely agree with this. It's the kind of serious imparted by "looking for a relationship", and yes it is a bit scary from my experience.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 35
Question about intent and here for on profile
Posted: 7/21/2015 2:57:11 PM

Why would I ever want to project anything else? I'm not desperate. I'm dating. I'm completely open to having/starting a relationship IF I meet someone I consider spectacular.


I agree. I find the options very ambiguous. A first meet can go from zero interest, no interest in meeting again, to love at first sight, the "I found the One" feeling, with the accompanying dancing hormones, or anything in between-no matter which option is chosen. "Looking for a relationship" does not mean I will definitely have a relationship with the first humanoid that I meet. Look at the other threads where some of the POFers have dated/had first meets with hundreds, and have yet to find that special "One" that rocks their boat. A better option would be: "Nothing serious in the first two minutes of a first coffee meet, but it can get serious with the right one", instead of the current two options, where you're either labelled as a player looking for sex only or strictly looking for marriage meat, and there's nothing in between.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 36
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Question about intent and here for on profile
Posted: 7/21/2015 5:37:19 PM
What a woman writes in her profile about her intent matters not if she is deemed attractive. Men will contact her regardless.
I would not put too much stake in what is written about intentions. It is when you meet that kind of thing is decided.

A man who is dating site savvy puts he wants a serious relationship and really wants to play around does that to hook the women in.

You may meet someone and fall in love despite not wanting anything serious and you may also meet many people that are not suitable for the marriage partner you are looking for. There are other issues that would be the red flag for me.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 38
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Question about intent and here for on profile
Posted: 7/21/2015 6:09:50 PM
If five years older worries you then either she was not attractive to you or attracted to you.
Women have always lied about their age and if it were not such a youth oriented society then she would not feel the need to perhaps. She told you she was older, when you met. Another man would have been more tolerant. You may find you cant be so picky, sooner or later...And are you really 49?? lol!!

Men lie about their age too and let us not get into the height issue!!
 somewhatJaded14U
Joined: 2/19/2015
Msg: 39
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Question about intent and here for on profile
Posted: 7/22/2015 6:37:40 AM
"Wants to date but nothing serious"
"Isn't seeking a relationship or any kind of commitment"
Casual dating/no commitment"

I have been on and off this site for more than a few years and when I went out with women that had these as
listed as their intentions,it meant they weren't interested in jumping strait into a relationship. And more often
than not they weren't tryin to jump my bones towards the end of the date either.
However, Those that were looking for a relationship or marriage or commitment were nearly all the easyiest
women I had ever seen,from this site! So now a days I dont even pay any attention to intent. Of course this is
from a males point of view.
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 41
Question about intent and here for on profile
Posted: 7/22/2015 3:21:21 PM

I met a woman who was five years older than what she stated on her profile


Usually the gripe on here is that the deceitful hag lied about her body type, you know, stating “average,” rather than “beached whale.” Most guys would forgive five years if the bod was hot enough.

So how’d you find out? Did you ask her how old she is, or did she tell you how old she is, or did you look at her driver’s license? Hire a private detective?

Seems to me if you ASKED her, and she TOLD you, or she told you without you asking, she didn’t lie. Probably the bod wasn’t hot enough. Actually I don’t give a crap.


Yes I'm 49, I don't see what's funny about that.


Just guessing but maybe because you look much older..…?
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 42
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Question about intent and here for on profile
Posted: 7/22/2015 3:45:02 PM
^^My mom told us and everyone she was 35 years of age, like for over a decade (rolls eyes).
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 44
Question about intent and here for on profile
Posted: 7/22/2015 4:20:16 PM

You old bitter women crack me up, it's no wonder you are single.


Now this is how we don't communicate...;)

You've made the error of making a blanket statement about all old bitter women.....giving a little thought to it we would first have to determine what "old" is and then "bitter" as well as whether or not being not single is a necessity for said old bitter women.

The poster you responded to could very well have vision problems that precluded her from giving a more accurate assessment of your age, it's not a big issue as she may of been suggesting that you look 50.....don't be offended by that...I'd own it in a heartbeat.....just sayin....;)
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 45
Question about intent and here for on profile
Posted: 7/22/2015 5:04:04 PM
Women have always lied about their age


You old bitter women




^^^^
Blanket statements
No wonder there is bs when it comes to OLD
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 49
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Question about intent and here for on profile
Posted: 7/22/2015 8:21:44 PM

A lie is a lie and I don't like liars, if she lies about that then she will lie about something else

A lie is not a lie is not a lie. They do vary. Like crimes. Or good things. They vary on significance and indicators of other things. Everybody lies, sorry to break it to everyone. It's what one lies about and in the context that matters (and frequency in general I guess too). Someone putting a younger age on a profile (like the standard "39") isn't the same as lying that you aren't married but actually are (and then "Oh, but I'm separated," but then find out they actually aren't even separated).

Usually the gripe on here is that the deceitful hag lied about her body type, you know, stating “average,” rather than “beached whale.”

LOL, yeah, but if she has pictures, it's not about being fooled -- it's more like thumbing thru profiles and thinking "Why did this gal put 'Average' when she's elephant-sized?" Kind of like stumbling upon a profile and seeing pics of herself on a bedspread laying out in skimpy clothing with "no commitment" and "friends" selected, but going off about how she's looking for a "real man" to take care of her and treat her with respect and admiration, and that she's not looking for a one-night stand or FWB, etc. A conflict within the profile.

Most guys would forgive five years if the bod was hot enough.

True. If she looks 39 if she puts 39, it's forgivable after he meats her and she then lets him know she's actually 44. One shouldn't blame a guy or girl to be more observant of the other's honesty/accuracy about a lot of things when they find something like that out. Much like "all kids over 18" when really, yeah, they have a 16 year old, but he's over at his dad's a lot and also travels, and she points out how she's in a better position than someone with "kids" 18+ who still live at home 100% going to CC or something -- and it'd be more fair to place herself in that boat as far as dating situation placement. Stuff like that. The profile itself is not the same as a confessional to someone one-on-one, although fibbing on a profile can cost oneself here and there of course. It's a cost-benefit analysis thing. :)

Just guessing but maybe because you look much older..…?

I think his primary photo makes him look possibly older, probably due to it being B&W and the way it's taken. His other photos definitely make him seem mid-to-later 40s, IMO.

You old bitter women crack me up, it's no wonder you are single.

Ouch! Seems that line got ya upset -- easy! Your primary photo has a strong 'mature looking' motif to it, being in B&W too, ya can't get too upset that one would question 49 when the topic example is about one lying about their age. Although your other (color) pics seem to fit your age just fine.

You post on your profiles that you are looking for men in their 30's when they wouldn't give you the time of day IRL.

Who? Sunshine doesn't even have an age-range. WIP has the age range from 30s-50s. But that doesn't mean one's scoping a set age group in dating. That allows people to Write them. Especially when on the forums, one tends to want lesser age restrictions, to allow other forumites (non-dating) to write them.

I guess I don't want you to see me. Good luck to you too.

Yeah right! lol Come on NJ -- you're really cute, you know that, too. You should put your pictures back up! I think it'd make a good "drop the mic" point, too! :)
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 50
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Question about intent and here for on profile
Posted: 7/22/2015 8:39:26 PM

NG I am confused..isn't it usually female posters that you are taking apart here (their needs, wants, desires). Say it isn't so that you have become an equal opportunist here? muhahahaha


But Imho there is nothing wrong with age preferences but I agree that there might be something more to not wanting a second date. I agree
it isn't typical male behavior since in a night club one doesn't generally ask a women what age she is and I kind of remember the really young ones saying they are older than they really are. In hindsight , after finding out what I did for a living, they tended to increase their age!
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 53
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Question about intent and here for on profile
Posted: 7/22/2015 9:38:00 PM

NG I am confused..isn't it usually female posters that you are taking apart here (their needs, wants, desires). Say it isn't so that you have become an equal opportunist here? muhahahaha

Hey Joe, this quote you have -- must have been from a deleted post! I don't see it. Anyway, I am an equal opportunity poster. I don't (solely) pick apart female posters, nor do I try to pick apart a poster, but instead, their arguments or points I find notable flaws in (and point out benefits of the doubt on what could be taken in one way vs another). I don't only debate/argue with gals, come on -- you should know that! :)

But Imho there is nothing wrong with age preferences but I agree that there might be something more to not wanting a second date.

A lot of times though, age difference is an issue of stereotype that's applied too strongly that it should be... which causes one to lie/exaggerate it. Just like another concept of a gal (yeah, yeah, she was a female) in her early 40s posting about how she couldn't date a guy who wasn't over 40 or something, as guys not 40 weren't mature, and weren't ready to deal with kids as she still had some young, etc. When in reality, I would think guys over 40 would be more wanting gals with older kids, as folks in their 30s more often went thru having the kids younger. So in reality, it's just a Taste issue of having-an-older-man. But point being, we'll try to back it up by not-so-legit info to bolster the direction of our taste, as we believe it's not just taste.

For me, if I meat a gal who's 41 in great shape, youthful looking for her age, takes care of herself, etc -- objectively she Will be better for the future in an LTR, all other things being equal, than a gal who's 29 who's not in great shape, doesn't do anything to take care of herself really, has some bad LTR-living habits, and although naturally real cute not naturally youthful looking for her age, etc. But I'm conditioned to pause at that, though, because one's several years younger, and one's several years older. Even though the older gal would be objectively a better choice. My "taste with roots" has the 29 year old sound more delicious for actual dating comparison, because of just that # and it's association.
 ThePigIsHereForEternity
Joined: 7/19/2015
Msg: 54
Question about intent and here for on profile
Posted: 7/23/2015 7:44:29 AM

Some men are very crass to the point that I cringe when I read.


F*cking pigs!
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 55
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Question about intent and here for on profile
Posted: 7/23/2015 8:51:36 AM

F*cking pigs!


I am still looking for an example of this Crassness, and how it pertains to only some men!

Last I looked sh!ting in the forest:
Women: 2 men: 0
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 56
Question about intent and here for on profile
Posted: 7/23/2015 9:24:33 AM

One thing I do notice men doing predominately more than women [except maybe sportswomen] is gobbing......that is revolting.


Is this another term for adjusting?
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 57
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Question about intent and here for on profile
Posted: 7/23/2015 9:29:23 AM
^ Maybe it is just me, but that story would have sounded fairer if your male friend was Hetero!


He mostly always wears jogging pants for ease of access.


Who would have thought that was the reason gopniks and Guidos wear jogging pants everywhere! I learn something new every day here!
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 58
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Question about intent and here for on profile
Posted: 7/23/2015 2:08:37 PM

One thing I do notice men doing predominately more than women [except maybe sportswomen] is gobbing......that is revolting.

Now, it is merely spitting, or is it like, spitting with a big "loogey"? I could see the latter as revolting, where just spitting on the lawn non-chalantly not being revolting. Certainly not the same as playing with your balls in front of someone. :)
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 61
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Question about intent and here for on profile
Posted: 7/23/2015 11:45:20 PM

I thought wow he's hot! Then he SPAT right on the asphalt and then turned his head and saw me. Ugh!

Why is that bad? Just spitting? I could see snorting and spitting -- but just spitting?

Are girls turned off because they want to be the ones who spit, in certain circumstances? ;)
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 63
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Question about intent and here for on profile
Posted: 7/24/2015 9:47:03 AM

if you're referring to spitting out a man's load, I think if you can't handle swallowing then don't start the job!

True that! You tell 'em, sister! I think I'm going to take that quote and put it on a t-shirt. Don't worry, I wouldn't use your screen name as the one getting credit for the quote. I'd just leave it as "NJ Girl". :)
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 64
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Question about intent and here for on profile
Posted: 7/24/2015 12:35:13 PM

Gobbing was the term I used because it better describes the force with which a guy spits......and like NJGirl I find it disgusting.

Okay, Gobbing is an intense spit -- implying hocking a loogy and/or making a powerful spit altogether with some "umph". I can see how that's disgusting, as opposed to merely just a quiet under the radar spit not being so pleasant, but not being a "Well, I Never!" trigger.
 adventurejoe70
Joined: 3/1/2013
Msg: 65
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Question about intent and here for on profile
Posted: 7/24/2015 2:23:59 PM
Now you know why I wear pocket squares! :)
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